Top 20 Signs You Might Be Masking Your Autism

[@bettyparker3317]

11…dividing people into groups….you mean not everybody does that?😵‍💫

[@IXTJ]

Yeah, that one got me hard... like, how do you not instantly categorize people into relevant groupings?

[@JessieThorne886]

I first thought "nah, I dont so that", but then realized that I, working as a psychologist, actually have categories people and their behavior as my main special interest 😄😄😄 so I do it all the time, I just qualify my categories as more than just my private boxes, since I use the boxes provided by DSM or psychoanalysis. I try not to do it in private situations, but I can't help it. 😬

[@DreamersOfReality]

Neurotypicals definitely categorize people. But it's typically by social status and hierarchy, and from what I understand, is largely a passive process.

[@RegebroRepairs]

#11 is one of those "Wait, doesn't EVERYONE do that?"

[@feuerzeug72]

Yeah that’s … “normal”(so to say)… isn’t it??? How else would you sort them? Would you not sort people in groups? Now I really want to know

[@JessieThorne886]

No. 18 helped me understand myself better. I've been wondering why, if I send a message to someone, I keep going back to it, not to check their answer, but to re-read my message again and again, trying to simulate how someone else might perceive it. Btw, I'll be back to check on this post soon 😂

[@autismchrysalis]

I’m wondering, did you often feel misunderstood growing up?

[@bettyparker3317]

A big Ditto for the first response, that’s me. But your question really drove my answer. Constantly, when I was growing up, if the slightest thing changed, turned out differently, didn’t happen exactly as I’d said or described, my parents were always screaming, “but YOU SAID….” whatever, and demand to know why I couldn’t get it right, or do it right, or predict exactly, whatever happened. I learned I had to be very precise, and/or very literal, and careful, or it would be thrown back in my face in the worst way.

[@JessieThorne886]

@@autismchrysalis i think you're on to something. It's hard to recall, but yes, I think so. Other kids construed me as snobbish or condescending because I talked more like a grown-up. With my mom, I probably couldn't quite tell whether she had understood me correctly, because she was somewhat off in her own thoughts.

[@autismchrysalis]

@@bettyparker3317 It sounds like your parents had a lot of unhealed trauma themselves. Sorry you had to grow up with the effects of that. :(

[@autismchrysalis]

@@JessieThorne886 Did you respond by trying to get your words right, so you wouldn't be so misinterpreted?

[@elan1418]

Thanks for the great upload! The "masking as to not be a problem to other people" really hit a spot. After 45 years of trying to fit in, but realizing i never seemed to get it just quite right, a year ago i finally understand why. Got diagnosed. Now i try to unlearn masking and be true to myself. Quite the journey 😅

[@kikijewell2967]

Afraid of making phone calls. A friend is also afraid of sending email. -> don't want to inconvenience someone Add to that, leaving voicemail requires hanging up and rehearsal.

[@toaojjc]

Oh yes. If I get a voicemail I hang up. Rethink my script and leave the voicemail. The real akward part is when that person picks op the phone when I am in leaving voicemail mode....

[@autismchrysalis]

Yep, avoiding phone calls is another common one, for exactly those reasons.

[@hollybolien2053]

🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️

[@dottyfulcrum]

I used to be uptight about the doorbell / someone knocking / someone phoning until it dawned on me one day that I don't have to answer. So, I stopped. I didn't like it so I didn't do it. I think I was 19. Email is much easier than any of these others and these others have become easy because I have chosen the response that I am comfortable with. Oh: age 19 was several decades ago, now. I definitely relate to the finally empty house, though. Getting up early simulates that experience, too: I hate getting up early, but I love-love-love the empty house feeling of it so much that I make myself do it.

[@wendychan6679]

I was like that with the telephone and it was causing me to have meltdowns. When the phone rang I was breathing fire. I realised I had to do something so I did. When it rings I don't answer it but use an answering machine. I can ring back if I need to. I feel much more peaceful now. I hope in your case being uptight didn't lead to a meltdown.

[@user-zd2jl1ys9i]

Oh yeah Gosh, I hate when someone is knocking/using doorbell and almost always ignore it: feel guilty but I’m not ready for that immediate social interaction most of the time, everyone who’s important will call me before ringing anyway Haven’t though it could be autistic, really, though I’m just very introverted

[@jebbytunnelcoats1182]

The observation about becoming too worn out or less motivated to mask as effectively when one is older as one did when younger is an interesting one. Does anyone ever feel, particularly in social situations, that they are having to 'calculate' all the time when others are just happily going with the flow?

[@autismchrysalis]

Yep! Absolutely!

[@philly3901]

This video is really helpful. Its took me til 37 years of age to realize this about myself. Normal interactions with people are so draining because im always studying and analyzing every micro expression or change in tone of voice or type of eye contact with the person im talking to.

[@billpeterson818]

Nearly every one I can relate too.. God, it’s so exhausting to be an Adult with autism. It was when I was younger but now I have less energy, ( I’ll be 57 years old this August.)

[@adrienplazas554]

So uh, I got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago, and now I just checked 20 boxes. Mh. Alright alright alright.

[@autismchrysalis]

As I said in the video, there are other explanations, these tend to be more trauma responses than actual signs of autism, though these tend to be the way that autistic brains respond to those trauma experiences. It might at least be worth looking into more to see if there are more things you identify with. But ADHD and autism are common together.

[@RoknrolZombie]

So many of these contain a high value of 'true'.

[@sacredtotems]

I dont know if I'm autistic, but I relate to almost all of this. I've always wondered how many other people gauge when is the correct time when crossing a strangers path to say hi or nod or whatever. I find it incredibly stressful. I wonder how common that is?

[@autismchrysalis]

I’m not actually sure how common it is, but I’ve heard it from a few other autistics as well as myself, but when I mention it to non-autistics, they look at me like I said something ridiculous.

[@sacredtotems]

@@autismchrysalis Interesting. I may have to start asking people about their experience. I've never brought it up before. I do overthink absolutely everything so makes since I'd overthink that as well

[@HannahSteenbock]

@@autismchrysalis This was one that resonated. I smile at strangers - but it feels a bit like a performance because of the timing. I love seeing them light up, though, so I'll keep doing it. I like the idea of spreading smiles in the world. (Self-diagnosed a few years ago, still learning abut it all.) I will add that I'm German, living in Germany, where social conventions allow this kind of behavior, even though it's rare.

[@_Christopher_Williams]

It has been suggested to me for almost my entire life by health care professionals that I get checked for ADHD and "high functioning" autism. I eventually did see someone about the ADHD a few years ago, and have chosen mindfulness meditation as my treatment. It has been very helpful. I don't care much about the autism. I get along in life okay. I require significant alone time, and have become comfortable with being misunderstood. I don't see it as a problem. I don't want to burden my family with putting it in their mind, wondering how they should interact with me. I just want them to go on being themselves. I'll adjust. Yes, it's exhausting, but that's what my alone time is for. Meditation and time in nature alone really invigorates me. I am grateful to be who I am. I don't know any other way to be anyway. God bless you all. Love one another. ❤️🙏 Edit: p.s. Thank you for this video.

[@autismchrysalis]

Time in nature and alone time and time in stillness are absolutely necessary for me! Wishing you well!

[@TV-xm4ps]

I relate to most of these. Looking back at my life, I realise that I hung out with people all the time who would be described as "awkward". I guess I am "awkward". The best conversations I have had was with someone who said they were diagnosed as autistic. It was strange, that I had the feeling I could just say anything and for once not be misunderstood. But that was just one person. What does that mean? An N=1. I asked a psychologist the other day if there was a chance that I am autistic, since I struggle with social interactions so much, and I do not understand quite why. She just laughed and said "no way". Your video makes me wonder if I am masking so well, that even psychologists may be fooled? Or am I just imagining stuff? I would be relieved to have an answer for my struggle. Not that it would change much. But I am just in need for a reason. If I am not autistic, maybe I am just somehow strange, without definition. Not sure why, but a definition would feel like a relief. Does that make ANY sense?

[@chriscohlmeyer4735]

Remember that in a doctor's training Autism might have been covered in five minutes in class and a couple of paragraphs in a textbook, then in residency they may have only seen the more serious end of the spectrum. Then until recently the belief was that you could not have both ASD and ADHD.

[@autismchrysalis]

That makes complete sense. I was the same. And your story is very similar to many autistics who learned to mask pretty well, but none of us get it perfectly and that’s why we come off as “awkward.“ autism definitely might be something to look into more, and see if enough other things fit as well.

[@AndreaCrisp]

Most psychologists do not have the training or experience to be able to diagnose a high masking individual. It’s sad, but true. Being autistic and being high functioning and verbal goes against what they were previously taught. This is why none of us were diagnosed younger. It wasn’t recognized as a thing. If they don’t have very specific training and experience in working with neurodivergent patients I would take it with a grain of salt. So unfortunate that this is the reality, but we’re in the stage where this is still new and unknown to many professionals who got their schooling and information a long time ago.

[@AndreaCrisp]

I identify with so many of these! Rereading emails and texts a million times. No wonder I put off responding. Unsubstantiated fear around doorbells, phone calls and people in general. I worked so hard to learn to make eye contact and be conversational. Getting others to talk about themselves. And so many others I could be the poster child… I spent years trying to understand human behavior and myself. Even went back to school for counseling psychology and coaching. In the end it turns out that my trauma is due to ADHD & autism and I have no idea who I actually am anymore. Ugh. Thanks for the video.

[@clairedunnage6806]

I recognise some of these but not all. I'm not sure if I am autistic, but certainly all my life I have struggled socially. I have seen several therapists but it has never helped. Both my children have been diagnosed autistic. My husband is pretty certain he is, and relatives of his have been diagnosed. But when I take online tests the results are always that I am not autistc

[@GalixyStarr]

I'm just... why did every point have to be true... good thing I already scheduled my appointment for a diagnosis

[@kristinekarlson113]

This list is epic. There was only one item that didn’t resonate with me. So well-described that I’m saving this for when I finally have time to pursue a self-diagnosis.

[@autismchrysalis]

Thanks! And I wish you well on your own journey!

[@spicymickfool]

Thanks for this! It matches me so well. I'm trying to learn when I'm masking and when I'm not. 13 of these definitely apply.

[@autismchrysalis]

You’re welcome!

[@RebekahAmberClark]

I was surprised by some of these, and related strongly to a lot of the things on this list!

[@G3n3vaL3st3r]

Do you have these typed as a list? I’m curious to post (without the autism part) to see how many my friends and family relate to. I thought most of these were what most people do/ feel.

[@autismchrysalis]

I’ll be posting this top 20 list on my blog in the next couple days. The complete list of all 60 is here: www.autismchrysalis.com/2023/01/05/you-might-be-masking-if/

[@ThisisPam]

I was talking with someone about how to recognize being autistic or neurodivergent in general. “Normal” people just do the thing, they interact without an interior watcher analyzing from the outside. Masking for me is pretending the interior watcher and analyzer is not there.

[@curiousnetty534]

I do every one of these. It all makes so much sense now. When I’ve suggested to my daughter that I might be a high masking autistic she’s having none of it

[@katealison6087]

I recognised 19 of those. I'm not diagnosed as yet, but suspect I could be autistic (at 49) Obviously you can't diagnose in a comments section but could such a high count be caused by other reasons? You mentioned something about socialisation methods at the beginning... Just read your answer to another comment below and you mentioned complex trauma. I have that for sure. I think I need to work out what could be trauma and what could be autism. I'm really keen to find a very good therapist who can assess late diagnosis autism in women - if anyone has any recommendations I'd love to hear them. I'm in the UK but can do videocalls etc.

[@autismchrysalis]

Glad you found that other comment. I would suggest looking up @youmightbeautistic on X ask me placed to start, and a good book is “what I mean when I say I’m autistic.“

[@stmissions]

I watch my self view on video calls to check that I am giving facial feedback that indicates that I’m fully engaged. Yes, I am exhausted…

[@KristenLindopArt]

Yep. 19/20. I still can't help being honest if I want that drink, even if, at the same time, I'm worried that I might be being annoying!

[@KristenLindopArt]

PS Have already checked this post twice, in case I've said the wrong thing. May even end up deleting it...

[@FruchtcocktailUndCo]

Next time you ask before you expose my whole personality to the internet!!!!1!!1111!!! grrrrr 😘 That really hit me right in the pre-/self-diagnosed face.

[@naturesaffiliate]

I think I might be masking my Autism, I do almost all of the above.

[@lisapedley5427]

Sat watching this nodding like a car toy ! Even though I'm just exhausted being an adult 😒

[@meredithgreenslade1965]

Yep. Very familiar. Some I wasn't aware of but fit me to a tee. That email one, wow, definitely

[@autismchrysalis]

Right?!

[@macbree4868]

20/20 here

[@autismchrysalis]

Yeah…;)

[@necordektox879]

Is it masking if you're told you have a good customer service voice but going off-script makes you shut down and every word feels like alphabet soup pouring out?

[@ryanmahaffie329]

it's called Scripting, and everyone does it to a degree. You know the stories of people going to a movie theater and when the cashier tells them to "enjoy the movie" and they respond with "you too" and get embarrassed? It's just that. We, (autistics) just tend to rely on it so we're not putting actual brainpower into what's essentially either non-vital or just unwanted communication. Pair consistent scripting practice with general masking skills and boom, you suddenly have a great retail voice. The alphabet soup effect, imo, is our brains trying desperately to get another part of itself fired up, which they're ALSO not good at doing quickly.

[@Jen-CelticWarrior]

@@ryanmahaffie329, I’ve done this before - - going through a drive-through, and getting an order to go. Duh!

[@Green_Roc]

All of these I do... Good grief. I solved so much by not going outside again.

[@WilliamAlanPhoto]

I check them all.

[@shellyrowe2856]

Same....and I work as a retail cashier. No wonder I come home exhausted after every shift. Always being "ON" is sooo tiring!

[@icqme8586]

these are just normal things everyone does? right?

[@autismchrysalis]

These are normal for people who have had certain types of complex trauma. :(

[@Wonderish403]

@@autismchrysalisDo you think CPTSD can trigger autism? A lot of people in the YT autistic community still believe it’s genetic/hereditary. What do you believe? Thanks for this short and helpful video. Totally relatable.

[@autismchrysalis]

@@Wonderish403 Autism is a neurological state that persists from birth to death. It doesn't come about at any point in life, though stress and trauma can definitely intensify some of the effects, and make it more prominent at times in our lives, or after certain events or a build up of stressors like CPTSD. I think for some people it's hereditary, but not necessarily for everyone. But it's not something that you can get or lose.

[@Wonderish403]

@@autismchrysalis Thanks for the prompt response 🙏🏻

[@magckmn01]

I have difficulty with chores and I live alone.

[@BarbDixon3545]

All the above.

[@adamwalker2377]

This is such a diverse list of things that could catch everyone in the net.

[@fzkxl9931]

I can say I mask 100%. But I am not sure I mask autism. Many elements say I am, but many I am not. Autistic or not, I might use those videos because the pain is there, label or not. I'm not sure if I love the real me, but I can't bear the weight of the masks and I guess I don't need them as much now I retired.

[@tamaravukcevic2236]

Great...just great...😳

[@kellyandrews1260]

Half the video being preamble is not helpful, to me at least.

[@autismchrysalis]

Fair point. Chapters have been added to make it easier to find what you want.

[@TFHxPESTILENCE]

Seventeen of them, yeah hehe

[@ogungou9]

OMG...who doesn't exist.

[@oliviac5476]

Video starts at 3:35, you're welcome

[@autismchrysalis]

Chapters have been added!

[@ko.ala.b]

i feel like i am doomed.

[@autismchrysalis]

Fortunately, this is a life sentence, it is a description. When you have some idea of what’s going on, it becomes possible to start finding solutions that actually feel better.

[@GygyMy]

Excellent! 19.5/20 because the number 20 ...well i do not force myelf...i hate it soooo much... I avoid it at all costs...yet...it doe happen

[@autismchrysalis]

It’s not a competition! There’s no prize for a perfect score. ;-)

[@GygyMy]

@@autismchrysalis Oh yes I know...I rarely comment...and saw others mention their "results "...I did the same The "Excellent " was for your video and example,.not for "my score". I understand and see now it wasn't clear. I ll get back to watch and not comment

[@autismchrysalis]

@@GygyMy I was trying to be humorous, but I did mistake the excellent for your score, not my video. Clarification is helpful. 👍

[@GygyMy]

@@autismchrysalis Ahhh oops Thanks! (I m not great at picking up humour 🙃 sometimes i do, most times I don t 😅)...And yes clarification is helpful. I tried in my initial post to be concise (otherwise there would be a quite long message...) I believe it was too concise haha

[@autismchrysalis]

@@GygyMy I also wasn't sure if the humor would come through, and took a chance. Anyway, we got it sorted out!

[@roybatty3989]

We're all on the spectrum somewhere.

[@autismchrysalis]

I don’t know about you, but people I’ve known who have said that have turned out to be on the spectrum themselves. But there are a whole range of people who are very very much not. It’s not everyone.

[@roybatty3989]

@autismchrysalis Well, my child is Autistic. We have taken him to a multitude of different doctors at different times throughout the years. They all made that statement. I guess they were all just wrong. Or maybe you should be teaching doctors. And I'm sure I'm on the spectrum.