why don't i weigh the same as i did at 16?

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✧( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) girl, so confusing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧
hello hello lil cherubs. in today's video we're having a candid conversation about body image, edtwt, and ressuragance of women being encouraged to hate themselves. love u guys so much xoxo nikki nasty
stalk me here but not actually
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[@RUNESANEINTHEBRAIN]

Nicole being used as someone’s “fatspo” is downright mortifying. The exploitation of others’ bodies in a digital space is something that we need to have a conversation about because it is gross and it is inappropriate.

[@SweeteaRex]

Literally I was actually shocked and really sad when she said that:(

[@TheGood_LeftUndone]

You're absolutely right but I'd say people already talk about that, or is it just my bubble? And sadly, EDs are mental health issues. You can't tell people to stop doing something so gross and inappropriate because what will they do? Just stop being actively ED'd? People need a supportive environment, less consumerism that feeds off of people's (women's) insecurities, good education around food and nutrition, therapy and time to process/grow. When you start your recovery you will most likely stop using fatspo/thinspo (or try to minimise seeing it) because you don't want to be triggered anymore. It's not the other way around IMO

[@feltfrog]

@@TheGood_LeftUndoneActually posting content that glorifies EDs is nothing to do with their illness and everything to do with them hiding behind their illness to be nasty and mean to others. Plenty of people with EDs don’t mock or shame other people.

[@naughtyrobutt]

Huh?

[@CrystalFlames]

Wait but she’s literally so tiny??

[@lavender3717]

a huge thing that has motivated me to stop caring about my body is spite. i refuse to spend my one life on earth caving to societal beauty standards that only exist to spin the wheels of capitalism and patriarchy. i'm worth so much more than that.

[@LunaWaffle]

This! It's sad how much time we spend thinking about things like this and letting how we are perceived prevent us from going and doing stuff. Currently trying to work on this myself.

[@maellouou1961]

This !!!

[@ojaswinidas4764]

no literally my anti-capitalist ass REFUSES to fuel this because at the end of the day its a money making scheme to have people hate themselves

[@CAMZART]

Omg same. Spite had me grow out my body hair as well. Im on the beach with my bush out the sides of my bikini and i feel so embarrassed but also like FUCK u all

[@lumi225]

this is the same for me. even when i dont love myself i will ALWAYS hate capitalism and patriarchy more haha

[@helenross3037]

hey girlies in the comment section -- if you know videos about weight/body image will make you feel worse PLEASE click off this video! nicole would want you to i promise

[@noelleelizabethan]

This needs to be pinned at the top yeah

[@ampthemilks]

Honestly as someone who has been struggling this comment made me realize I should stop watching the video so thank you . I’m trying to void of any diet and or body talks right now… but Nicole is so entertaining so I clicked immediately 😂

[@sophiebean1010]

Thank you for commenting this❤️

[@skrunklycreationz]

wait ur so right why am i doing this i love her so i instinctively clicked😭

[@MicahRion]

+

[@kaxidoscope]

The thing about having friends that won’t talk negatively about themselves is SO TRUEEE

[@the_richcat]

And it goes both ways. My friends were the kind to always worry about their bodies and it got to me, I used to be pretty confident but now I do not feel very comfortable in my body 😭

[@Aleinationss]

I’ve realized how much it affects/ affected some of my friendships and it’s fucked up how a easily a negative joke about yourself lingers

[@the_piano_nerd4960]

@@the_richcatthat’s what happened to me too

[@sarahyeager1861]

as someone currently in ed recovery it really is a slippery slope. it can start as one video of a recipe/meal idea, wieiad, or a day in my life video that quickly leads down a rabbit hole of disordered eating or "weight loss tips". it it's REALLY f*ing hard to avoid looking at that type of media when you are struggling bc you see it and you just can't look away, it can even serve as a source of inspiration. and honestly that's just f*ed up. i hope that you're able to do your best at not falling into or listening to those thoughts bc having an ed SUCKS, those videos don't show any of the side effects and it's hard. having an ed steals soooo much from you

[@4dbagel945]

I am stupid. I thought you meant erectile dysfunction, not eating disorder.

[@PamelaH_HappyVibes]

Please take care of yourself! It isn’t easy and I lost a friend to it. Keep healing! ❤️‍🩹

[@rowmiry]

As someone in the early stages of an ED (im restricting, fasting, literally hiding food) it literally all began from those types of videos, I want to recover and I trying to not.listen to that voice in my head saying horrible stuff about my body and I know I still have a chance but it's so hard, at least I'm sort of self aware and make myself push through so there's still hope!

[@IzzyEsp]

I’ve had to hide Instagram and tiktok from my phone. It’s so bad no matter how many times I block people and say “not interested” on triggering posts, I still see it. KZbin is my safe space because everything is pro recovery, and pro balance. Ed recovery is not easy but we can do it!!! We can tailor our world to surround ourselves with positivity and “normal” videos. Stay strong!

[@jenyme4ever]

Are ED’s similar to OCD? cause this feels so familiar

[@S111REN]

with the obsession of aesthetics, this generation will be the most obsessed with how theyre perceived because you can't achieve the appearance of things like the clean girl or y2k aesthetic WITHOUT also wanting to be skinny or getting into bad diet culture.

[@haleybice4763]

THIS I have to remind myself that no I do not want to starve just to fit the trend

[@LiaGridley]

@@haleybice4763yes do not starve yourself! I just started spotting again after two years of not having my period! I was dieting and over exercising to look “pretty skinny” and I’m girl lemme tell you, it did not make me pretty, it made me very unhealthy. You can’t function like that long-term. My hair is getting thicker and my bones aren’t weak anymore. I feel so much better even though I have bad body image days. My life is better.

[@haleybice4763]

@@LiaGridleythank you for reminding me ❤️ I’ve been there too and don’t want to go back. we got this :)

[@LiaGridley]

@@haleybice4763 ofc! Sorry, I just realized the grammar in that comment was really bad because I was using text to speech lol

[@Carla-wk3mz]

I had a similar experience. My life got so much better when I stopped obssessing over fitting into an aesthetic.

[@karleighfries123]

nicole. i shit you not, i was just almost in tears hating my body so i decided to put youtube on and this was the first video that came up. i struggling accepting that im 26, my body doesn’t look like it did when i was younger bc im an adult now, i needed this more than you know ❤❤❤

[@evvme]

the best way of maintaining ed recovery for me is remembering the social function of food - the feeling of sharing a meal with my girlfriend, getting lunch with friends, having dinner with my parents. i remember when i was around 14 going out for lunch for my friends birthday and how the mood went down when i didn’t order anything. i remember school lunches, everyone comparing what was in their lunchbox and me having nothing to show. when you recognise how important food is to relationships and how it enriches moments in your life it’s much harder to demonise it and think of it solely as how it affects your physical body. (sorry that wasn’t really relevant but hope it helps someone!)

[@sam2458]

i do the same in my recovery. i even learned to cook for my girlfriend ❤

[@evvme]

@@sam2458 i’m in the process of learning to cook for mine too! that’s wonderful :)

[@thursdaygirl2078]

really needed to hear this, thank you

[@leslyeortiz1538]

This video just came in the right time for me, I was starting to believe I was in a better headspace regarding my weight, however a recent visit to the doctor proved me otherwise, and social media isn't helping, it's also so hard to accept I am not 17 anymore and my body is going to look different, I hope conversations like these will help people to do whatever is best for them to be healthy, both physically and mentally

[@blooms454]

I also felt worse about my body (that I made so much progress feeling better about) after two doctors visits smh like I thought they were supposed to help tf ☠️

[@denden8372]

Same, thankfully what I experienced wasn't any drastic weight gain or development of an ED and essentially just a twink death lol, happens to so many other people. And watching this video makes me feel so reassured - that it's normal for my body to not look the same as it was when I was in my late teens and it's not because I've "let myself go"

[@natatatm]

Just so you know, it is always okay to be asked to be weighed standing back to the scale and ask to not be told your exact weight at the Drs. This is very common practice amongst those in ED recovery but I generally think most ppl don't need to know their weight anyways. You might get the side eye from a nurse, but most don't ask questions (in my experience).

[@SieMiezekatze]

I mean I didn't grow out after 16 so at 24 my body is just the same , looks wise

[@n.a.7040]

totally, I still find myself buying the sizes I used to at 16 and wondering why they dont fit me anymore. for some reason I always thought the body of a teen is equal to that of a woman bc thats kind of what we are being shown in media

[@Wafer_master]

The fact that this posted on my 16th birthday is some wacky business

[@ImaDinosaur-fj5cl]

happy birthday!!!

[@iimxdes1887]

happy birthday my girl

[@iibnbiibn]

happy birthday!

[@mirandatorres2642]

ooo happy birthday!!

[@roscoeposcoe]

Have an amazing 16th birthday! You deserve it :)

[@marissasimms444]

honestly love this video because i was at peak ed/unhealthiness at 16 y/o and find myself constantly comparing myself to that body. thank u for reminding me that objectively that does not make sense ?? i am 23 now it'd be CONCERNING

[@svgerd]

this!! ive found a pretty good way of grounding myself to stop wishing for the body i had when i was in peak ed is asking myself questions like 'ok but was i happy with my body?' or 'okay but were you fun to be around' or 'do you literally remember anything from that period other than thinking about food/weight?' and just knowing the answer to all of it is NO makes me realise that doing all that again would be throwing away my 20s

[@nyquildaydream]

I went through a horrific depressive episode at the end of last year where I lost about 15 pounds because I essentially stopped eating. When I came home during my winter break, literally everyone had something to say about how "good" I looked. I know it was all good intentions, but being complimented after going through one of the worst periods of my life made me so uncomfortable. It felt like a punch to the gut and I could feel myself start to feel good about my weight loss only to feel guilty about feeling good. I have since gained back a good amount and I know it's for the best, but I would be lying if I said all those compliments don't mess with my body image now.

[@ArtemissFreya204]

This is so true! I've been through a similar experience and it's hard to hear those remarks. I find it creates a sort of false identity. I just usually tell myself that being content with my life and actually enjoying my day is much better than being perceived "positively" by others. But it is definitely difficult living in a society which has such an obsession with unattainable beauty standards. Honestly wishing you the besttt.

[@Jadicus35]

legit the same thing happened to me in 2019, i hate looking back at photos and missing that body. like i was the thinnest i'd ever been, but also the unhealthiest and most miserable i've ever been

[@anaim6007]

This conversation definitely needs to be talked about! I feel like so many people can relate to this topic on body image including myself

[@deardiaryakatheinternet]

As someone who is currently 16, it’s even hard for me to realize that I weigh more going into junior year than I did in literal middle school. Like GIRL you are going through changes, it’s okay! Everything that’s happening is normal!

[@alltheleavesarebrownn]

Yes it is very normal! I'm of a similar age (just turned 17) and my weight has gone up and down more times than a rollercoaster 😄 theres no shame in it truly whether that being weighing less or weighing more!! Eg when I was about 14 I put on lotsss of weight and then some random month when I was 15 I lost all of it 😭 our bodies are weird but wonderful 😄💗

[@micahguillemette3344]

I'm just saying, you are not done going through puberty, your body and face will keep changing and as long as you eat well and keep yourself healthy you will be just fine. Your body knows what you need and tiktok certainly doesnt know better!

[@jacielopez2280]

I just turned 25 and this topic has been SO heavy on my mind over the last year. It felt like I looked in the mirror one day and had a flash realization of all the ways my body has changed, and it’s been hard to fully embrace the way I look as a fully grown woman. (Even though it’s NOT THAT DIFFERENT!!) Why are brains so stupid? It seems like almost all of us have the universal experience of being so unhealthy during our teen years and then when we become adults and treat our bodies better we romanticize the way it used to be. It feels so good knowing I’m not alone in feeling this way. To all my girlies trying to practice body neutrality- we got this

[@Tango9999]

Yess my therapist literally said to me “Maybe you’re just becoming an adult woman?” And I was like - oh shit true why am I mad to not look like a 18 year old anymore

[@CC-CR]

The worst part is that when I think about it, I go "Yeah, no one should fit into the same size as when they were 16...... but I do" like I have to live up to this ridiculous unreasonable standard that I don't hold anyone else in the world to, it's horrible. I'm glad I don't have a scale because I also have OCD and I go through the same thing of weighing myself obsessively when I stay at my parents house.

[@goblinfolk]

you are actually so right about this sudden resurgence of negative body image w people who struggled with it and worked hard to deal with it. i myself luckily never developed any disorder just felt insecure more or less with time BUT lately since it’s summer i naturally lost my usual appetite and now im catching myself prolonging eat and counting how little i ate … thank you for snapping me back and for reminding me to be more mindful

[@jessicasparrow8973]

Thank you for adding that bit about your moms struggles! I literally had high risk leukemia when I was 16 and I gained 20lbs on steroids and was MORTIFIED at how I looked that I literally refused to go outside… like I had CANCER and the drugs were SAVING MY LIFE! We really can never escape it

[@bekah748]

I have PCOS so I go through periods where I gain 20-40 lbs at a time, and then lose it over time. But when I gain weight, I absolutely HATE myself. I feel gross, embarrassed, unhappy, depressed. There’s times when I won’t even go outside because of my weight. I hate that woman have to worry sm about what they look like. I hate that society has normalized that sm. Every single woman is beautiful and I hope every woman that sees this knows that.

[@202cardline]

I feel that. I also gain a lot of weight and lose a lot of weight relatively quickly due to autoimmune stuff. I am also talking around 30 lbs. - clothes are a nightmare, I lose half my wardrobe for months at a time. I want to feel neutral but it’s hard. Take my hand, let’s go get Advil together. 😂

[@janekatevandyke4355]

i LOVE birdwatching!!! such a simple little fun pleasure don’t let ANYONE tell you it’s not an awesome hobby!!!!

[@mara5918]

future therapist here with a special interest in eating disorders (totally not fueled by my own struggles in the 2010’s) - i think what everyone vulnerable to this new “ skinny epidemic” can do is set down healthy coping mechanisms not ED or body related, keep eating meals and keep pushing through, recognizing when and what triggers the “ ed mindset” and going against it actively (choosing an action opposite to what the ed struggles are telling us). IT WILL WEAR OFF IF WE FIGHT IT. the people most affected by this wont be the 20-30 year olds, it will be the teens that dont have resources or coping mechanisms set down, the teens that find this content reassuring the same way we did on 2014 tumblr.

[@EJ_2091]

“1 min ago” man I’m early. Also bodies are such a burden 😭 why can we not just be formless entities

[@moonlightbunny22]

sooooo real having a body is just weird

[@miriamsheppard6162]

once I saw a girl on "the button" say she sees herself as a green orb and i wish i could haha

[@foxesthepirate]

I know right ☹️

[@RascalCreations]

Yeah let me be a shadow creature lol, would get rid of the dyphoria

[@kabelo4321]

But what if you're like a wider, skinny , thicker or slimmer entity? I fear even then we may not escape the shackles of overly conforming to beauty standards, as entities😔✊🏾😂❤🙇🏾‍♂️!!!

[@lovcxii]

thank you for talking about this! as someone with an ED its incredibly fluctuative and how I feel about my body can be drastically different day to day, as well as when i view something online. in a fucked up way; its kinda comforting to see other people also effected by this and wanting to just unfollow/uninterest everything on their fyp. it can feel really overwhelming to get constantly negative stimuli when all you want to do is look at cat videos.

[@unit1pirate380]

u have erectile dysfunction? but ure a girl :( how

[@mustytechnorat]

ed twt or tiktok defeats its purpose everytime for me because i do not actively think about food during the day except for when im hungry but when this content pops up i start obsessively thinking about food and consequently wanna eat lmao

[@hannahmckay4570]

weightlifting also MAJORLY helped me with my body image!! esp powerlifting since its so ability focused and the pros are all larger ppl who are INSANE atheletes!! there are still “gain muscle lose fat” rabbit holes etc. i find watching those competitions helps focus less on weight etc. and more on the CRAZY shit ppl with normal bodies can do!

[@Myjordandsavior]

Fr, it focused my body critical brainworms to silly things like "my biceps don't look as big today :(" instead of "xyz on my body could be smaller"

[@malionthemoon]

turned 25 last month and these are the exact same thoughts and insecurities i’ve been having lately. i never cared about how my body looked until more recently so it just feels nice to hear you vocalize this and reminds me i’m not alone with these feelings. i needed this video, thank you for posting this ❤

[@lipgloss3ater]

the wawa drink is so real

[@JohnathanDavisstoothpaste]

My town doesn't have one 😭

[@nightmare.canvas]

For realsie

[@SheepasaurusRex]

love the gerard pfps coming together

[@lipgloss3ater]

@@nightmare.canvas omg gerard pfp spotted

[@lipgloss3ater]

​@@SheepasaurusRex real🙏🙏 mcr fans rise up

[@rosemcc942]

me and the girlies i’ve been friends with since 15 are GOINGGG THROUGH ITT with our body images so this video was so needed and really resonated with me. it’s been so sad to see a negative shift in my friend’s and i’s perspective on our body image, expecially after being so uplifting and body positive about it throughout high school. it’s been really helpful, for me in particular, to shift my focus on how we live in a system that rewards women for hating their bodies and it is actively working against us!!!!!!! anyways, fuck fatphobia and thank you for this vid ❤

[@abbi_xoxo]

this reminds me of a reel i saw about this girl talking about how every time “skinny culture” is in it’s because there’s a wave of feminism that the media is trying to stamp out (think 1920s and flapper girls vs 1950s and “traditional” housewives and the ideal curvy body type)

[@madd7e]

elaborate? im interested in the point toure making but i got a little confused

[@maliamolck8635]

@@madd7ei think they mean that, like in 1920s when women were riding the high of getting the right to vote and were beginning to expand their idea of their futures, society decided to push the idea that a more rectangular, small bodies were the “idea” shapes. In contrast, however, in the 1950s when men had returned from war and women were put back into the domestic sphere, a curvier body type was promoted by society.

[@korejoons]

Saw the title and already knew this was going to be a relatable banger

[@Jiafei.YeHuanXiang]

My mom passed away last month due to cancer, she had it for 3 years and it felt so heartbreaking when she talked poorly on her appearance. She didn’t like her short hair, she didn’t like how her body was changing due to just feeling lethargic and obviously sick because of chemotherapy. I hate how she worried about that the last few years of her life. And she was truly beautiful, and I just wish she could’ve seen that. My mom also did ballet up until she was 13, then quit due to body image issues. I started ballet at 14, and despite me being 15 now and just now starting to have body image issues because of my thighs, I’m not going to let the ballet beauty standard and the media make me quit. We need to normalize ballerinas looking like strong women, because that’s what we are :)

[@whup7181]

As a teenage girl who honestly just really fucking hates my appearance, you have no idea how much I appreciate this video. I feel right now like I’ll never be capable of loving myself, and how I look is like all that I think about. I’ve felt very alone in the insecurities that I have, and you talking about the exact same things I’m having trouble with (obsessively body checking, worrying about my weight at all times, etc.) has shown me that even someone that appears as confident as you do can struggle with this, and it gives me hope that someday I might be able to gain that kind of confidence despite what I’m going through right now. Love your channel so much Nicole ❤️

[@loonafan6075]

this is actually something that i’ve been thinking as a *clears throat* growing and developing woman. so i’m really glad to hear you talk about your own experience and i hope u know that it makes me (and lots of people) feel more seen!

[@ruripper]

it’s kind of comforting to hear you talk about this, as i’ve gone through anorexia as a teen and recovered when I reached 19/20. (25 now) Then only in the past 3 months or so, I’ve noticed I’ve started to obsess over my body and began weighing myself for the first time in years. I don’t know if the popularity of ozempic and the culture moving towards glorifying thinness, or if it’s just myself falling back into it? It’s insane to see yourself begin to restrict and skip meals and understand it’s going to make things worse, yet can’t seem to course correct? gah

[@aliairving]

I can’t explain how many times I’ve tried to get better and then the habits just creep back in. But treatment is so expensive and why? Because skinny is an industry, weight is a business and anorexia treatment, like braces, is seen as a cosmetic need. I’m like ok? Guess I’ll just die! Lmao

[@emmajohnson2011]

skinniness is an industry. it’s the easiest way to get us dissatisfied & spending our scarce money / time. oversimplification but the hope is : if ur preoccupied with thinness ur less likely to pay attention to politics/world events/climate change etc etc etc etc. OR you’re too fatigued to do anything. it’s not surprising to me that it’s coming back now. even knowing all of this, i, like you, have felt myself slipping back into unhealthy habits. it’s really hard. thank you for using ur platform for good always. u are so amazing to me!

[@teresahannasch3420]

That stained glass window tattoo...i literally gasped...stunning

[@miaferraro3214]

I am having an OCD-focused anxiety attack rn and u talking about how it impacts u helps me sm. U really do help ppl even tho it may be hard. Thank u for ur service to the hot girls with mental illness *salute*

[@savannaho.2934]

I’m almost 21 and feeling my mind and body growing and changing and thinking entirely different than I used to is so wack, you think you’re grown as a teenager but it’s a whole different world! I’m a new person every month and it’s exciting and scary and I’m coping well with having my body change with me, thanks for this vid girl always so topical 😫

[@samu-chan]

Am I the only one who feels the same? Like yeah, my body is changed, but I still feel like the same person looking out. I swear I’m gonna still feel 16 once I’m 70

[@aa-sm7ei]

This video has made me realize something that I have been struggling with very hard the past few months, thank you for making it. Today I am going to try to go out without makeup, without a fire fit on, eat what I need and just rock my shit yo :)

[@user-jd9qn2yc4z]

Nicole I just wanna say thank you. Everything you said in this video is completely spot on. It’s hard, especially as a teenage girl, but older girls like you talking about this genuinely does help and it makes the issue easier for me. Thank you.

[@ratwomb]

thank yooou. this has been sneaking up on me and it's helpful to hear someone talk about it bluntly. I didn't spend over a decade working towards body neutrality to have it effed up by a stupid trend. we will fight!

[@allil.2797]

i’ve been coming to terms with my struggle with my body image that i’ve always have had. i keep reminding myself im not 17 anymore but i hated what i looked like then too. being more comfortable has been such a fight lol this video came at the perfect time

[@TamzinKate]

It is so sad but I think what you said about it being inevitable that we will always struggle to not worry about/hate/criticise our bodies is so true. I have had an ED since I was a little girl (when tiktok/insta etc. did not exist yet) and I don't know how it is possible to get better in this kind of culture. Thank you for your honesty in this video-it is nice to hear someone speak so honestly about a topic very close to me and have it resonate so much xxx

[@Target.practice2002]

Im a 19y/o who lost like 60 pounds on my different meds and i recently gained all of it back and it has been SO frustrating to look at my body that doesn't fit into my favorite clothes anymore. It makes me feel like a failure because i gained back weight and i hate both that i gained it and i hate that im mad about the weight im general. I should be thankful that i even have a body that works and is mostly healthy, but instead in stressing about my weight and letting my mental health issues get worse again because of my body image (and family issues/home life issues). I can't stress enough how helpful it is to see videos like this showing that i am not alone and that it's okay to have different emotions going on and weight fluctuations. I have been watching Nicoles vids for a while and they have helped me know that i am not alone in so many issues and the comments are just as helpful.

[@sage2658]

genuinely getting off tiktok was the best decision i ever made. i haven’t been on tiktok for about a year probably, and i just don’t relate to many of the image problems people keep talking about. i’ve got my own already, but just not the specific flavor of tiktok bred insecurity. i think the best thing for society genuinely is getting off tiktok.

[@arli3993]

I've started to heavily struggle with a restrictive ed at the end of last year, it's so terrifying to see people constantly normalize unhealthy skinny bodies and it makes my recovery so much harder. I really hope things will start to shift soon. I'm wishing everyone peace and health. I hope we will all get through all the problems :(

[@kailane9987]

I honestly needed to hear this. It’s reassuring to know i’m not alone feeling this way. Thank you for posting this ❤️

[@bonanzafly]

I have been having a body-image-issues summer and have been trying my very hardest to fight off the disordered eating and obsessing over my body size, and I just really needed to see this. Thanks for being so real!!

[@Starsongzz]

Bro I’ve been going THROUGH IT with the return of the low rise shit, diet culture, flat tummy culture, etc etc. I thought I had finally found a healthy balance with my eating, but then my bulimia came back lol most of what I can think of is how much sugar I’ve consumed that day, and how little I can eat while still feeling “okay.” It’s embarrassing because I pride myself on not giving a fuck, and I don’t about 90% of things, but my body…..chile😮‍💨 What really hurts is that I actually *like* my body for the most part, I like having a curvier build, the only thing that bothering me is my apron belly (most of my weight is at my belly making it hang down in front like I have a small apron on) It feels like I’m hurting a friend of mine, because I love myself dearly, but my insecurity manifests like an evil entity that exists within my mind. It’s like being in a toxic relationship that causes you to neglect someone you love. My mom lost a friend to a very treatable cancer because, honestly, she didn’t want to lose her hair or have to wear a wig. She left behind a daughter.

[@justonedayy_]

And I also feel like recently that like diet culture that's similar to the (very toxic) diet culture of the early 2000s is more normalized now and I hate it I hate the idea of thinking that only a certain body type is worthy of love and beauty and I have just turned 18 like 10 days ago but I feel like my whole life I keep seeing people deciding what my body should look like for me to even be worthy and it's just exhausting honestly

[@annar7102]

This is exactly how I've been feeling!! It's so reassuring knowing it's not just me. I'm 25 and it took so much work to undo unhealthy habits and I'm scared of getting back in that negative spiral thinking about my body 24/7

[@sara.e7]

I really needed this because I was literally wishing to be the same weight I had when I was underweight because I felt fat. Im also sure Im not the only one with all those videos of people calling fat ppl ugly and the whole low rise jeans trend. Social media is a curse that I wish I can get rid of

[@jordynbassford6893]

nicole, as a twenty-something girl who has ocd that affects every aspect of her life: i appreciate you so much. you make me feel less alone. thank you

[@owl1821]

this is a banger of a video!!! this is something people need to hear, it's so sad that this is how the world is, but it's also so cathartic to know that there are other people out there who feel the same way. this is an epidemic for all people, but women especially, and yet it feels like we don't have this conversation enough, so it's nice to hear your perspective. thank you for this nicole!

[@lauryn8766]

Lifting weights and focusing on gaining strength + limiting the amount of time spent on social media (use phone timer locks or delete the apps off your phone so you can only access them via laptop or other device that's not your phone) is a 10/10 way to help your body image and overall happiness. It seems too simple to help but SERIOUSLY please please please try it, it truly changed my life

[@cecilia_pumpkins]

TOTALLY true!!! I feel a weight of my mind after deleting tiktok about a year ago… all these body image standard pressures almost cease to exist when you don’t give your attention to them! 🫶🏻

[@sapphic.shortcake]

as someone who's in recovery from an eating disorder, this is SO IMPORTANT!!! The mindset really is contagious the more you surround yourself with negativity directed towards perfectly normal bodies the more you turn that negativity inwards towards yourself and it really warps your view of not only yourself but others as well

[@elw1289]

Hi Nicole, just wanted to let u know that I found a therapist to do exposure therapy with in large thanks to your videos. I'm working with my doctor to get tested for ocd. Your videos helped me break the internalized stereotype that ocd is only handwashing and counting things, so thank you. Sharing your story helped me so much ❤❤❤

[@absolxtion]

This video spoke to me on a personal level because I, at 27 years old, feel guilty of my weight, I shouldn’t feel that way, but every single day I guilt myself of it and I hate that I can’t stop doing so😕

[@watchcloudspassmeby]

The story about your mom reminded me that my aunt, after she went into remission with her cancer, kept calling losing 10/15 pounds a “cancer perk” and I understand gallows humor, but it still really bums me out

[@madsw0]

i honestly needed this so bad, I'm starting college soon and worrying about how people are perceiving me is horrifying lmao thanks for the replies 🫶 as someone with social anxiety its very helpful knowing others feel the same way :)

[@elysianemily]

Please take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who care about you. I developed an ED in college and it messed up my life so bad. Sorry to be blunt but I just really, really don't want others to go through the same. My advice would be to NOT engage in diet talk and immediately click off any social media post that has to do with fitness/weight/diet because they will get you in the end. I know that sounds harsh but better safe than sorry, I suppose. Good luck in college, I'm sending you all the good vibes

[@samm3212]

literally in the exact same place

[@lydsvidss]

It’s so easy to compare yourself to others as a freshman but you just need to remember to focus on yourself and staying healthy!! Everyone’s gonna be in there own head anyway

[@albertaroza-mason6508]

I felt this so much when I first started, I was so conscious about my body for the first couple of years at uni, and really struggled with an ed which ruined my life. But one of the most valuable things I learnt was that none of my friends are friends with me because of how I look. They honestly could not care less. If people are perceiving you / judging you at uni / college based on how you look, they really are not worth your time. And I think in my entire experience at uni (having been there for a long 6 years) I only met a handful of people like that, the majority of people just want to make friends and have fun. And don’t forgot to enjoy college! When you’re 80 you won’t look back and think, ‘thank god I was skinny’. You’ll think about all the amazing times and memories you had.

[@ct8919]

the cool thing about college is that you can do whatever and no one cares ajdks but also take care of yourself please, is easy to get horrible habits on college bc "no one is watching"

[@JaedaBassi]

Thank you Nicole for posting this video for all of us teenage girls because it’s so tiring to see these “perfect” body images online while struggling with your own

[@cricketbythecreek5351]

legit cant thank u enough for the timing of this video. i keep feeling so crazy and hopeless bc all my self-hate and mental stuff keeps popping back up,, hearing u talk abt ur life n ur own issues with falling back into self-hatred n struggling to crawl back out is so reassuring. like, even tho it feels awful to cycle back, there's other folks who are cycling back too, n maybe we can all keep getting out of the cycle together 🫶🫶

[@Ccsclosetz]

I really appreciate you coming out and talking about this. It baffles me that even women that I deem to be the perfect body size still struggle with body image. It comes to show you that we’ve all been conditioned to believe that we will never be enough. For who? For men. The creator and labeler of the beauty standard that is ever shifting and ever changing. As women we can never win. We simply continue to internalize the hatred for ourselves and repeat the cycle. Puppets, slaves to patriarchy.

[@alyssamcphetridge8339]

I appreciate this conversation so much. Been having a hard time specifically in fashion which used to be something I enjoyed and loved putting time into but even when I am constantly reminding myself that gaining weight doesn’t change my beauty, the conversations online start to seep in and it is a struggle. I hope more people see this video that need it.

[@the_shortround]

Still struggling with all of this in my thirties even though I technically know better. Summer always makes it much worse for me since it adds a whole new layer of being uncomfortable in my body. Fingers crossed we’ll get through this crap and can focus on being healthy and happy.

[@cecilia1406]

This hit me hard, in the best way possible. I’m crying. Thank you, genuinely.

[@isabellecomment9737]

Nicole thank you so much for this❤ I really needed this!! I struggled with multiple ED throughout all of my childhood ( the fact that I was a gymnast probably "helped" with that) and I haven't had any strong symptoms for the past 4 /5 years... But this year I felt myself slipping back into those destructive patterns but was kinda in denial about it. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable, and for giving me a reminder to be kind to my body and SCREAM BACK! And to everyone remember: In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act. You are deserving of love and respect no matter the shape of your body❤❤❤

[@coolsillyguy]

i can’t begin to explain how meaningful this video is to me (and i’m sure so many others) not to be parasocial but thank you so much for posting this, as you said it’s really comforting to hear that other people are feeling the same way but i also hate that we’re all feeling this way. from a fellow ocd girlie, we are so cool and silly and fun and we will all get through this together 💚

[@s0ggysock]

going on edtwt was the worst decision of my life. i now don’t have any social media besides pinterest and youtube and honestly it’s helped a lot. Like Nicole said, u control what you see. i remember being on edtwt and shtwt and shit like that and there would be people that were “recovering” but were still active. It confused me? why were you on twt if you’re recovering?? but then i got rly into it and i understood, it’s really hard to avoid. it feels impossible it’s been nearly a year since i’ve been freed from that hellhole of a place. and i can’t say more than i am so grateful that i left that toxic environment. off course deleting twt isn’t going to solve all ur problems it’s a journey. know that you’re loved

[@Aeunax123]

Body image is so fucking tough, especially for young people. Your body changes SO MUCH and literally CONSTANTLY between birth and 25 it’s actually wild. (And continues to change forever but like .. people tend to stabilize for the most part after 25)

[@eatectoplasm]

it’s like you knew what i was talking about with my therapist today

[@Anna-si4ck]

the last part is so true!! hating yourself is such a slippery slope and its hard to recover from. I started feeling negatively about myself in middle school and i still feel like im faking it every time i show appreciation towards myself

[@extremelysillylittleguy]

Girls, wake up, Nicki Nasty posted.

[@lauren6188]

I’ve been slipping into ED behaviors and I’m trying to continue nourishing my body and take care of myself and this was so incredibly encouraging ❤

[@em095]

I've felt very very similar and it's caused me to totally step back from fast pace media. Its a crock of shit to make young women feel this way yet again. I struggled for years with an eating disorder, I lost my teen years to a terrible disease and now moving past that I'm horrified of losing my 20's to it as well. One of the most healing things for me was finally speaking candidly about my struggles, as for many months I was in like a quasi recovery stage (looked "healthy" but was still engaging in very damaging behaviors). Once I was able to speak about this to people in my life, and not only allow myself to be seen as someone who had wiped my hands of those behaviors, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders that allowed me to genuinely start making progess. My reason for stating this is to remind not only nicole but anyone watching this that you do not need to show up as a 100% healed person in order to deserve to share your story AND to provide advice. These slip backs are normal, but talking about them as nicole did in this video is one of the ways that we are able to take back the power.

[@dddeanda]

Thank you for this video, it could not have come at a more perfect time. I’m 27 and have struggled with an ED since I was about 13. I had made a lot of progress with it in 2019-2023 but over the last few months I’m starting to feel it again. I loved the bit you mentioned about not liking the way you looked even when you were in high school… that’s one of the main things I tell myself when I’m feeling particularly uncomfortable with my body and it helps.

[@maxwellversed]

Gen z bird watching wave!! My friend and I have been loving it recently. They’re so interesting to watch their behaviors

[@brynjames3779]

Needed this, I recently moved back home after graduating uni and doing a clear out of my old clothes and confronting the fact that my body has changed has been hard at times. Overall I'm much better mentally now but it's been a little hard looking at clothes from when I was an unhealthily skinny 16 year old and not just mourning "oh no, my favourite top doesn't fit anymore! I guess I should donate it" but mourning my old body. Again, so weird, don't like that it's happening, but I'm taking it day by day. Sending love to anyone else who feels like this x

[@juliareste]

thank u so so much for talking about this. i have been thinking about the way tiktok and twitter have been promoting this shit a LOTTTT. i appreciate u talking about it and being real. ily nikki !!

[@taylawoodbridge220]

I am currently just short of a year in ED recovery, and I am so thankful for this video, it made me think rationally and put things into perspective, reminding me that I am only 18 and still developing as a young adult, as well as still adjusting to my recovery body. You're right in saying that the voices are real and they truly do have opinions on everything, and sometimes that mindset and your own thinking become so intertwined that you don't know the difference.The world has taught us to fear food, instead of seeing it as a way to care for our bodies. In treatment I was taught that there is no "bad" food, everything is okay in moderation, it's just our relationship and mindset towards it that needs to be shifted, which is not at all easy and takes a lot of therapy and time, but videos like these can help :)

[@minnie_malism]

my mom told me like two years ago that my stomach is bigger than it used to be and all of my ed progress went into trash. i think about my stomach 24/7. it makes me wanna km$. i hate modern beauty standards. it especially makes me sad bc i’ve been into renaissance art lately and all women have beautiful, healthy bodies on the painting and sculptures (and im taking specifically about their bodies in art).

[@Post_my_ocs]

Modern beauty standards really do suck. Personally, I think curvy women and especially stomachs are very beautiful! I know it’s hard now but I know you can get through this and see just how amazing you are ❤️ screw societal expectations and the patriarchy

[@julias7901]

It's so brave of you to be vulnerable, thank you so much for sharing your experience! It really helps to hear someone speak about it so openly and know that we are not alone in this. Wishing you all the best! x

[@phoenix_13]

I loved the open conversation you had in this! I’m a slightly more plus sized trans guy who dresses alternative and in both masculine & feminine styles. I’m not on hormones and have had no surgeries done. I notice when I dress feminine, I get more complements and I’m treated like my age. When I dress masculine, I get less complements and am treated like a teenager (I’m not). I know a lot of this has to do with the way my body looks in relation with the style I’m wearing. Plus, trans bodies are a topic of conversation for a lot of ignorant people. For a long time this discouraged me. It was a debate between dressing feminine and complementing my body or dressing masculine and passing as a guy. It took a lot of self empowerment and a few years of self discovery to realize that these things were trivial and I should dress however I feel like, regardless. My best wishes go out to everyone that is struggling with how their body looks, trans or non-trans. You aren’t alone in your struggle and you can get through it!

[@alexb2563]

i just got out of residential ed treatment a couple days ago and really needed to hear some of this especially because i saw my partner's parents yesterday and the first thing they said was "wow i can tell you gained weight" and they were trying to be so supportive and meant to say i look healthy now but i have been majorly spiraling. this actually calmed me down. thank you

[@elih8895]

really really reaaaally needed this love omg

[@maxwellversed]

Especially as a disabled Gen z, it’s hard to even imagine the ability to work towards “losing weight” and also insane to prioritize that over being healthy and mobile. Same here about having an ED in the past, then growing and moving beyond it, thinking it was done, and getting a harsh slap in the face once it returns. That is the cycle with any mental health struggle though, so it’s natural no matter how much it sucks. I do have so much hope for this generation and being realistic about these thoughts and how unnecessary they are. SICK woodpecker too

[@jenniferrahneva4220]

nicole this made me feel so much better thank u sm :( it’s insane how i look up to u bc i struggle w ocd as well and body image and this truly helped me so much

[@deityofdesire]

my god, I needed to hear this so bad my love - thank you. this topic has been on my mind for quite some time, as a couple years ago I was very underweight & had severe iron and vitamin D deficiencies. since then I’ve gained weight, gone to the gym more & gotten my blood results to improve BUT… that impending self-loathing voice still whispers at the back of my mind reminding me that I look different. I’m learning to accept that I am ever-changing, and put on this earth to experience & love, and not to just be pretty! this video made me feel so seen Nicole, it really made me feel less alone. I’m sending a hug to you beautiful, I know we will get through this

[@electricbaby7315]

oh man, the flat stomach thing hits so hard. when i first started feeling insecure about my body (1st or 2nd grade), it was because i had a tummy that sticked out while none of the other girls in my class did. also wasn't helped by the fact that im just a taller person with a sturdier/bigger build and all the other girls were much shorter/smaller. anyways, that tummy never went away and was the biggest point of insecurity for me. and then i got plastic surgery when i was 16; i got breast reconstruction where they took some of the fat from my stomach via liposuction and put it my boob essentially, and i asked my doctor if he could just take out all the fat from my low belly area so there would be no more fat in the tummy area and i would (in theory) have a flat stomach. (let me make something very clear - i do not regret doing this and honestly it did help me. i knew it was not going to cure my body dysmorphia or my ed's, but i knew it would help and it did. i know plastic surgery is not right for everyone, but for me it helped and im not going to feel bad about it). however, while my tummy is much flatter than it was, it still isn't completely flat 90 degree angle because i have these things called organs. and yeah, it's been rough lately. i don't know what it is recently that has had so many people feeling terrible about their bodies, but lately i've gotten back into some bad restrictive habits all in an effort to get that appearance. i have to remind myself, those are your organs, you can't make them smaller, they help you. ed recovery is really fucking hard, and while i knew that recovery is not linear, i kinda forgot how much it hurts to be in it. i shouldn't be feeling ashamed or like a failure because i ate something. please please please try to take care of yourselves guys, it's a struggle and you might not always succeed at it, but know i'll be right along side you just doing the best i can ♥

[@katiegoodman8479]

Nicole, I have an ED and I was doing so good with recovery for like 2 months and lately I’ve found myself counting calories,etc all over again and like I cannot tell you how much this video is helping me. I don’t feel alone🩷

[@lialamboglia99]

"speaking about contagious" and I immediately knew it was about clementine 😫😫

[@Miumiumiko]

I just turned 20 and I’ve really been struggling with not looking how I did in high school as well thx for helping me remember I’m not as alone as I feel :)

[@aliairving]

Needed this

[@jennaj7479]

I can not in words fully describe how seen this video made me but like i literally turned 26 last sunday and my body has changed so much and i cried so often about it. Like in May i started working out for the first time really and started counting my calories again but trying to be careful and nice to myself about it but its so incredibly hard. It can slope into dangerous waters so quickly. I also greatly appreciated your video on your closet cleanout as i have been waiting for me to be this impossible size i was when i was 16-19 and not get rid of these clothes that just dont fit me anymore and acceptance with that. You are amazing and i NEEDED this badly. Thank you

[@sieungirls]

I’m currently 16, and I weighted around 15kgs more than my 14 years old self during the start of 2024. I absolutely hated my body and the fact that I didn’t even notice I gained that much weight. I tried losing weight in the first 3 months of the year by starving myself (which absolutely failed), but I started realizing that losing weight bc I hate my body is the wrong approach. I have since lost 8kgs and I’m going to try to lose a total of 12kg!

[@graceburrows5085]

this honestly is so real and i'm so glad you made this. something about lately just has me and everyone else struggling and im glad you started the conversation

[@jorahjohnson]

the video titles get realer every week

[@glitteryobjects8592]

Thank you for talking about this. As another almost 25 year old woman who is objectively in a good place with life and with her body, I've been feeling this way too even though I'm at the healthiest and strongest I've ever been. It's nice knowing I'm not alone ❤

[@TechSav18]

It’s weird when ppl say I looked better in high school cuz I was skinnier… I was also was PRE-PUBESCENT YOU SICKO…

[@TheLegendOfCatss]

I've gained kind of a lot of weight lately and as someone who had an eating disorder from ages 15-19 but body issues dating back to 8 years old. I am 25 now and it has been really really hard accepting that my body is very different now. And the comeback of thinness in the media has been mortifying. Its literally everywhere, and I feel so ashamed of my body. But your videos, espeically this one, makes me feel less alone lol