i think u guys might be thinking about yourselves too much.

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✧( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) my guilt is never pleasurable ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✧
hello hello lil cherubs! in today's video, i do a grwm while talking about tiktok trends in asking others for opinions on your appearance, the obsession with knowing our perfect "color season", eye shape, visual weight, etc. Do these things really help us, or just make us more insecure?
stalk me here but not actually
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[@angEl.dust.13.]

i really think that we as humans aren't meant to look at ourselves as much as we do nowadays and it’s slowly driving us insane

[@raybug470]

Good point.

[@sophiaottinger7344]

want to go back in time to prevent the invention of the mirror

[@summer-xt1gg]

@@sophiaottinger7344yup, my sis literally sits in front of a mirror and stares at herself like a parakeet for hours on end. She can’t call me, only FaceTime so that she can look at herself. Humans are not smart enough to have access to it lol

[@malucesario]

​@@sophiaottinger7344I support this idea

[@aaliyah8215]

I love looking at myself

[@turkicnomad5632]

All of the “I deleted tik tok because it’s actual hell” comments are nourishing me.

[@haileyBelle-yi2nv]

Someday im gonna delete it if im honest It would already be gone if my best freind didn’t send me stuff on there

[@kikimurray7328]

I deleted tiktok in 2022 and I never looked back

[@JacubWhite38]

I always just wonder how many of those people redownload it later the same day as making that comment lol

[@madebyjasey.]

i deleted about 2 months ago but just scroll on fb too much now 😂

[@lalailm]

It will probably take a few more attempts to leave for good but you can get there. It was like that for me but with twitter

[@Nyx_Xx81]

It's wild because low key beauty is extremely subjective...Like sure there's 'objective' beauty or western beauty standards, but when it comes down to it, no matter how 'ugly' you think you are, if you were on a tv show SOMEONE on tiktok would make a 'hear me out' edit.

[@samsnoww2]

And this is the comment I’ll think of whenever I start to spiral about my appearance because you’re so right… thank you stranger :)

[@amarjotsingh8455]

No there are universal indicators of beauty… there’s a reason why modeling and Hollywood exits, they are meant to be universally attractive ppl, everyone is so ugly these days that ppl cope with things like this

[@jennaazeez1367]

EXACTLY

[@frogonwall]

I love this. I'm going to remember this, thank you 🫶🏼

[@raybug470]

Omg. You might’ve done something. Like even if 1% of the population finds you attractive, that’s millions of people.

[@user-we8dn5ub9z]

Do u ever just watch a really immersive movie and for a while you just have this moment of clarity that the world is so much bigger than you and it suddenly puts everything into perspective. Sometimes I get it when I travel as well. It’s like you realise how minuscule all the issues in your life are in the grand scheme of things and u remember that u just need to LIVE. I wish I could feel like that all the time but I have anxiety and it hurts to only ever get a teaser of it 😔

[@Lara-on4kd]

right this happens to me when I think about humanity and time as well 😭 happened to me today while looking at the clouds lol. wishing you to feel like that all the time

[@bonesy2482]

if possible you should try looking up at the stars at night. it gives the exact same feeling as ur describing, i love it.

[@elis2506]

I KNOW RIGHTT but then after returning to your usual life, your usual routine, that enlightenment fades away into a memory

[@Lanaiara]

A glimpse of enlightenment. There are some that never get it at all..

[@elicarson6134]

interstellar gave me a panic attack bc of this 😭😭

[@allisonlarson2716]

The really sad thing is a lot of the “how can I be prettier, be brutally honest” clips are stolen and the “tell me how to improve” caption is added on so another creator can digitally give them a makeover without seeming like a mean girl. It’s so rough out there y’all.

[@jessicajessica6836]

YES i believe chadchad has a video on it!

[@ameliabediliaa]

chad chad's video on that was crazy!!! and that the clips they steal are from ppl who's first language isn't english is literally fucking evil

[@thecaldwell7309]

Yes chadchad’s video on this is really good !!

[@ryle2814]

Yes this!! this is true

[@myo5501]

was about to comment that, boosting this one!!!!

[@siobhanhogan4495]

Imagine the world if people went and physically volunteered their time in their own, local communities instead of telling strangers online what colours they should wear. ... a girl can dream....

[@rchmoon]

Preach!

[@ce_982]

i'm starting to realise how much of a lack of indentity i have. i'm constantly taking personality tests, clinging onto labels and categorising myself, latching onto observations other people have made about me. Its all because i genuinely don't know who i am, i never have. I cant pick out any aspects of my personality, i cant tell you a fun fact about myself, it feels like every day i wake up and see someone new in the mirror. i'm always so hyper aware of how people perceive me and what other people think its so suffocating! i just want to know what its like to be secure in myself and who i am as a person.

[@Lara-on4kd]

I think seeing someone new in the mirror everyday sounds kind of beautiful when you think about it, since you can reinvent yourself everyday. idk this might be cheesy but you literally can just try versions of yourself every single day and pick out the things you like the most about them. personality isn't a fixed, still thing, so it's quite alright if you don't know a ''fun fact'' about yourself. you're not a zoo animal, you're a person. you're allowed to change and evolve and discover yourself, however long that takes. I sincerely hope you grow more confident over time, it takes a lot of effort though! best of luck 🍀❣

[@lifaen]

You might be just a step further, cus I can say what I like, what I like to do, what is my personality, fun fact about me, but at the end, all of these things are just things my brain randomly picked up because I...lived? And experienced things and my brain was like "okay, now I like this" or "now I really hate this" and if you think about it long enough, it's just kinda random. And I believe that it's not just me, I think the people who feel like they have so much personality, are just people, who are very sure of things they like or dislike or how they react to things...and they actively refuse the fact, that all of this is kinda random. Maybe it would help you to journal about things you enjoy or don't enjoy or what was your reaction to something that day or something, I think personality is basically what you've experienced in life and if anyone finds that boring about you, it's just their view. Very subjective view. And I don't wanna say the basic "don't care about what others think", I also tend to think about it a lot, but...some people will find you interesting and some just won't, cus it doesn't resonate with their personality. Sometimes we see so many diverse people on the internet, that we forget that even the little thing like how much sugar you put in your coffee is what's part of your personality. Or maybe I just wrote bunch of nonsense cus I don't know what personality and identity means and also my english is bad.

[@Anna-MLS]

I’ve been there before a few years ago and it felt really scary! What helped for me was realizing nobody truly knows themselves (philosophically and literally) and the only things that are actually unique to me are how I see the world. Social media also warped my brain into associating people with their aesthetics and I would frequently check myself against theirs which was terrible. Ultimately, you learn life is about discovering and trying your best to be the kind of person you’d like to see in the world. I also had to spend months literally learning to get to know the parts of myself I was repressing and loving myself truly as is. It was a lot of hard work and therapy but now I live a life that brings me security and safety and welcomes joy but also sets boundaries on my triggers. It’s a lot of balance but I’m wishing you the best in finding what that looks like for you!!

[@ce_982]

@@Anna-MLS Thank you so much!

[@ce_982]

@@Lara-on4kd Thank you, understanding that my personality isn't a fixed thing and that i don't have to have my identity all figured out yet is something that i'm trying to learn :)

[@josephine-rt6jw]

honestly whenever I'm feeling self conscious, I try to remember this study that was conducted on the spotlight effect - a bunch of ppl had to wear embarrassing t shirts, and then the researchers compared how many ppl the ppl who wore the shirts thought saw and remembered them, vs how many actually did and there's a serious disparity. I pinky promise that 99% of the time, everyone else is genuinely not looking and judging. The spot light effect really is a cognitive bias, because we are the centre of our own world, we tend to over inflate our presence in everyone else's. Go out and live your best life because truly, most ppl do not give a shit

[@Pushnotificationsalwaysoffbye]

THIS NEEDS BIGGER

[@thebabythesavage]

So true bestie. I was raised to be EXTREMELY aware of my appearance (Beverly Hills babey aʜᴀʰᵃ ) and now, in my 30s, I’ve never been happier to be my queer, neon-hair-and-piercings anonymous self 🥰

[@ktyreality]

I deleted tiktok a year ago because I was spending SIX HOURS a day on it soon scrolling and I can’t tell you how much my life has drastically improved, my self esteem, self love, my relationship with others, finding hobbies to do by myself that actually fill my life with joy.

[@deborahlazreug8735]

I read a nice poem once about how humans, in nature, weren’t meant to see their own reflexion. Except in water but even like this, it’s not clear and exact. Water is like Nature’s way to be like « hahah you thought you could ». So imagine … today’s world goes COMPLETELY against that. I’m not saying that it’s inherently bad to have mirrors and pictures and be exposed to what we look like, but there’s a balance and nowadays we’re definitely stepping into an extreme.

[@morwennaforatenner604]

Do you remember the author? Sounds intriguing

[@Pushnotificationsalwaysoffbye]

Are you talking about Pygmalion?

[@josephine-rt6jw]

@@Pushnotificationsalwaysoffbye narcissus is the one who is obsessed with his own reflection, I think pygmalion is the one who carves a statue that comes to life?

[@dartharwen]

the way tiktok has slowly recreated the anonymous q&a sites we used in middle school to cyberbully each other in the early 2000s lol

[@Pushnotificationsalwaysoffbye]

Omg I remember these!!! I never did it. But my friends did. So stupid 😂 and oh oh… what was our journal site?!

[@danii5563]

i love how she mentions the products that shes using even when shes going over a serious somewhat sensitive topic, like “if you don’t know who you are, the media will tell you who you are. this is the urban decay super dew palette ☺️” adds comedic value to the serious reality check topic

[@AnniePoop2003]

You slayed us with this. The notification caused my wig to lift and the vid caused said wig to exit that stratosphere approaching the speed of light

[@user-uz1ww8es1i]

😭

[@szkri]

annie poop how does it feel to be todays Sylvia Plath

[@kastryulyaedits5623]

this video made me go back to one of my thoughts: insecure people can be reeeeally self-centered, because they build their world around their insecurities. and, essentially, instead of being mindful about their character and actions, they portray themselves as victims due to not being 'enough' due to appearance

[@Pushnotificationsalwaysoffbye]

Miss ma’am… you know you just described my ex. And you know you also described the n*rcissism spectrum. High five to you sis, we’re good out here. Our souls are still in tact!

[@ten1982]

yea im insecure as hell and i notice the thoughts can veer kinda into narcissist territory sometimes?? its scary

[@michellechair]

​@@ten1982being aware of that is really good!! self-awareness is the first step to self-improvement

[@ten1982]

@@michellechair thanks!! also ive been doing that for a while now, just correcting my thinking and reminding myself this isn't what i really stand for i also have ocd so i'm sure that also feeds into my negative (and often intrusive) thoughts

[@discodisk5479]

The Rory Gilmore one is so sad. Imagine feeling pretty and confident in a dress only for people you don't even know to say it doesn't suit you☹️

[@00mngrl]

right ?? the idea people have that just because someone is a celebrity, it means they have to be subjected to all this judgment,, it just makes me so sad. shes a real person with real feelings.. shes not a fashion designer who made the dress so people can criticize it and give her feedback, shes wearing a dress to an event. people need to realize that sometimes if u dont have anything nice to say, u shouldnt say anything at all. and i HATE when people are like "well i can say whatever i want freedom of speech yada yada" just because u CAN doesnt mean u SHOULD. so many people think they can just be awful without repercussion like ?? yeah u can say what u want, and other people can then get mad at u for it because thats what ure inviting. pisses me off that people give their unwanted opinions on the way other people look and dress just because its not against the law. like damn is human decency that hard to muster for them now ?? sry for my yap fest lol ur comment just resonates with me

[@michelle58947]

she looks beautiful!!

[@camillelee-own8380]

Learning to think ‘no one cares’ is so important - and I don’t mean in an incel kind of way, we absolutely want people to care about our safety and wellbeing and love us - but truly no one notices what you’re doing if you trip up in public, or don’t know how to order a coffee! They’re too worried about people thinking about them in turn! No one gives a shit, I’m still trying to remember this when I get anxious but it’s very freeing 😌

[@pinkmenace2452]

it’s not necessarily true tho.

[@00mngrl]

​@@pinkmenace2452 u know that's not what this person is talking about so why even say this ?

[@idamarie5623]

Also notice how the whole "looksmaxxing" thing, colour and bodytype analysis is always about making yourself hot for other people? in every way, its about gaining social capital by looking good. so while in one way, we are definetly thinking about ourselfs too much (cue magret arthwood quote about being your own voyeur), we also dont think about ourselves enough. instead of asking: "how can i "improve" to be more conventionally attractive?" perhaps we should ask "what do i want to express trough my style and makeup? is it comfortable and functional? what purpose does it serve beyond looking "hot"?"

[@GenevieveNewton-jd4yg]

NO but literally my tiktok algorithm got so bad that I deleted the app entirely. I originally got and stayed on the app for booktok and cute little outfit videos. Tell me why my fyp had become nothing but people telling other people how they could be prettier and family vloggers. Like I'm 17 and respectfully I don't want or need to know what plastic surgery would make me more attractive nor how your morning routine with 13 kids looks like!!!

[@Qtopian]

Tapping uninterested on videos is key. If it makes you feel bad or the sound is annoying tap uninterested. Make the algorithm work for you

[@thatsclownshit3145]

deleted since 2022 cuz of this

[@choccy_bagel]

​@@Qtopian Orrrr you can just delete an app that consistently throws you into videos that make you feel terrible! People can just, not use tiktok! And they don't lose anything of worth! Of course, if people don't want to delete the app they can bully the algorithm into hopefully being good, but deleting the app deletes the problem.

[@keelinmacken9552]

My algorithm kept showing me just like depressed content so I ended up deleting it last year, it’s been such a good decision

[@turkicnomad5632]

The greatest “how can I be more attractive” advice is deleting tik tok, only because you’ll become way less miserable. And that shit is palpable.

[@JewelApril13]

I feel like our generation (gen Z) is oddly obsessed with our looks. I'm guilty of this towards myself. But people won't let others live there lives wearing what makes them happy. Doesn't full liberation include being ourselves? Not being judgmental like Boomers and Gen X? You only get this life, stop obsessing about how others feel about YOUR life. You can't please everyone, but you can learn what makes yourself happy. And it is so true people are too busy thinking about themselves to think bad things about you. And those who are observing usually aren't even judging. People who put you down are only doing it because they are so self absorbed in their own insecurities, and are projecting.

[@Lovvve259]

Facts!!

[@UhhOlivia]

Not really, earlier it was the pro-ana sad girl tumblr, low rise jeans with your body being the main focus, and so on and so forth. we're just getting older so it looks different to us now since we see it from a different perspective :p

[@kiliancraig8115]

I feel like every teen obsesses over their looks, but the internet has made looks so important that our insecurities are inflated and projected onto others too. Growing up with social media now is so much worse than it used to be

[@Sarpy777]

"hipthrusting and thinking bout u guys" omg 😭😭

[@chrys8991]

"Returning to what you liked as a child" exactly what I've been doing in the past 3 years or so with fashion. Even thought to me it's more like what I liked as a teenager but I didn't feel confortable expressing it. When I was in school I used to wear what all the other girls my age were wearing; I won't deny that, all in all, there's nothing wrong with that style, I liked dressing up like that, but I also felt so limited with other styles and color and clothes I liked that I was afraid to wear. Because I wanted to fit in!! And wearing fun colors and sometimes prioritizing comfort with sweatpants or hoodies wasn't in the picture for my teenage self. After the pandemic I found the strenght to just do what I want, as well as overcoming my fear of being perceived as "childish" for the way I dress. I'm tired of black clothes!! I wore them my entire teenage years, I want to have fun with pastels and patterns!!!

[@sopirina]

i understand you totally! half my teenager years i dressed in black and now i hate it, you absolutely look cute and also people will love your style as it is unique and synonym of yourself! don't listen to the bad comments let yourself explore

[@skiri-mii]

I unfortunately forgot which influencer (i think she is a bride fashion influencer) said it, but she made a few shorts in which she said that the colour stuff is nonsense. We perceive colours and shapes differently and most of fashion and beauty is built on fatphobia, age discrimination and other stuff like that.

[@bella-ls2hh]

it feels like tiktok reinvented ‘if you’re fat never wear horizontal stripes’ 2000s type rules on a mass scale

[@clumsyartist1073]

A quote i always think about is when an interviewer asked Rihanna how she stays so confident and my queen replied “uh pretend” and smiles (and I think about it way too much)

[@WigglyWoo92]

My superpower is knowing that no matter what I do I will never look how I wish I could and accepting that. I just wear what I like and do the makeup I like and get my tattoos and piercings because I like them. I also exercise because I enjoy it, it doesn't make me more attractive. I've let go of the "you're beautiful just the way you are" and accepted "hey you're ugly and you can't fix it so be happy and healthy doing what you enjoy instead of spending every waking moment wishing you could look a certain way that is impossible for you". There's so much power in just letting go.

[@TopazTeaTree]

I love hearing you talk abt OCD because I have very severe OCD and I love knowing I'm not the only girlie going through it

[@koiivene]

the best way to gain confidence is to gaslight yourself, truly fake it until you make it. Do the makeup that makes you feel pretty, wear the clothes that make you feel cute, and use the products that make you feel clean and then you walk out of your house with your chin up.

[@KendallVH]

Your comment about having tattoos and therefore never having the clean girl aesthetic was so validating… like the amount of times I’ve doubted my tattoos since that became trendy… and I thought I was being rational so thank you for reminding me that the internet is lying to me

[@iheartfish]

for any teen girls or anyone else that applies, it really does get better. i spent the majority of my teen years being wildly insecure about how i look and constantly comparing myself to people at school and people i see online. i would always think "when im older im going to get this cosmetic surgery and this one and this one too," not that theres anything wrong with getting those things done but it severely impacted how i viewed myself. i think everyone will have so much insecurity during those years but beyond that it does get better, i feel so much more comfortable with myself and how i look without feeling the need to change drastically. u really do start to love urself the more that u grow up and its so wild to me how big those problems seemed when i was 16. i didnt settle or just grow accepting that i will always look the way i look, i genuinely began to see myself in a better light after spending time away from social media and focusing on having a better, healthier mindset. yes, there are prettier girls than me and i will never attain their exact look without thousands of dollars spent on cosmetic surgery, but thats okay and its not the end of the world and i surely won't let that impact my happiness. if u dont take a lot of photos of urself because of ur looks, please start to. im so sad that i barely having any photos of myself when i was in high school and middle school because i was too insecure about how i looked in them. theres so many good memories i have in my head that i dont have pictures of just because i didnt think i looked pretty enough back then.

[@Lara-on4kd]

what you say about pictures hits so close to home lol I remember buying clothes in smaller sizes on the worst years of my ED for when I was finally as skinny as I wanted to be- understanding that life can't, and shouldn't, be put on pause until you're finally pretty enough (because you likely never will be in your own eyes) is such a struggle. sending u love!!

[@rizzbusiness]

i deleted tiktok a few months ago because of how much of this kind of content there was. im really glad i did. ive only gotten closer to a more meaningful relationship with consuming content online and getting off this damn phone. 2001 babies we will get off this damn phone one day i swear 🙏

[@f.aaa1]

Maturing is realizing it really is that damn phone 😭😭😭😭

[@rizzbusiness]

@@f.aaa1 YEAH. LIKE TRULY AND GENUINELY

[@abberistired]

I'm so on board with the "curating your online experience for you" mentality like we're not built to take in everything the world has to throw at someone lol the point here is to enjoy yourself also just more on topic with the video overall: I am so tempted everyday to ask how I am perceived and I block it out by thinking about "it's none of my business" hjgkjhg

[@spookrs]

it's kind of crazy that i was just thinking about how uneven my eye shapes are and how my eyeliner looks weird, right before i saw this video.. thank you for posting this and reminding me to stop worrying about silly, simple stuff like that

[@thischickkej]

I deleted my tiktok account close to a year ago and it's mostly bc none of us have any business being exposed to that many opinions, conversations, and trends. It's genuinely so draining and I hope the app actually shuts down - it's done a lot of damage lol

[@paigee7134]

The internet catches up to you quick. I was very addicted to Instagram and thought I was immune until I realized that actually I was very much so becoming affected by it. Took me awhile to figure it out but I once I did, oh boy it was BAD. Hanging out with real people is so important.

[@Electric-Panorama]

15:04 “who’s to say you’ll feel your best if/when you become someone else’s idea of attractive” bingo. I’ve achieved my teenage dream (under size 3 with no acne) twice in adulthood and they were more like nightmares than dreams

[@lexieh.7885]

I’m confidence-maxxing so hard rn

[@brqydenn]

the smile that came over my face at the sight of the notification of a new upload

[@arch_dim]

I was like YIPPEE!!! 💃🏿

[@dezaraepalmer7912]

Are we gonna talk about how pretty her lips are, it's a little lift but its cute 😊

[@OceanWorrier]

I’m so glad I’m not a teen in this environment. I had enough issues with my looks without tiktok

[@pers3145]

I have severe OCD and have been like DREAMING of going to a stylist to pick out the PERFECT wardrobe and hair and everything for me. thanks for the call out , I'm gonna dye my hair my favorite color 💕

[@jaseyrae338]

I’m learning in my psych class rn that if you can’t influence something, don’t focus on it. Don’t let it take control of your whole life. And if you CAN influence something, do it. But stop worrying about the circle of concern that you can’t influence. An example being how other people see you. You can’t fully influence how others perceive you. Even if you try to, there’s still going to be someone out there that hates you. That doesn’t like you. And you can’t change that. As someone with OCD as well this has helped me create a slightly better headspace.

[@msg3tr1ght]

This isn’t necessarily from the perspective you’re talking about, but I’ve noticed this in conversations with people. People will ramble on about themselves at length, pause after like 15 minutes to ask how you’re doing and then go right back to talking about themselves. People talk to each other like they’re posting on social media. Nobody actually engages with each other mutually anymore. Just another way people think way too much about themselves. I do agree, though that a lot of the things you’ve highlighted here are very superficial and we could also stand to think about them a lot less.

[@shelley5449]

I'm a colour expert, went to uni to study design and majored in pattern design and fashion illustration, and then also got really into cmyk screenprinting during and so can also share some really interesting facts about how colour actually works (like in the eyes and brain and how colour blindness occurs etc. Colour theory, colour composition) And, genuinely, I think the season colour stuff is all bullshit for the most part. The colours you like and the way it plays off of other colours and whethet you like it or not is hugely down to the associations you individually make. Like I love bright colours because I got really into decora and harajuku fashion as a kid, but for another adult they might just see it as really childish and mature, people aren't a monolith, and not everyone is all gonna agree that suddenly if you're in your season colours, that you look good. The colour seasons are a fad that don't really mean anything. And the thing is, if you use it and it helps you become more experimental with colour then great! BUT otherwise, leave it out. Don't be using it to judge other peoples style. If you looked at any real stylist for celebs or anyone really, they're not paying attention to these colour seasons and they're the actual professionals.

[@shelley5449]

The thing I'm honestly tired of, is seeing how much other people get a kick out of feeling superior to another human on the internet. Whether it's sharing opinions or how they look or their moral compass, alsorts. And I genuinely recognise that my existence is no more important or valuable than any other persons existence, and I think we'd all be a bit happier if more people could stop thinking about themselves so much.

[@midds2394]

"I was hip thrusting and thinking about you guys" is a crazy way to start a video

[@kateasley]

Ugh I love this message. I am 28 and just had my second kid last year. My first girl. Having her changed my brain chemistry and now I am so committed to having real self love and high self esteem so I can teach her to do the same. My therapist had me read “the body is not an apology” and I highly recommend

[@alivadafader2869]

So true the try to constantly improve/change to look better than others indirectly gives the statement of dissatisfied with your looks or body THEREFORE telling or proving the statement that "HUMAN ARE NEVER SATISFIED WITH WHAT THEY HAVE OR GOD GAVE THEM" in short human greed nowadays. .....

[@yanavavrinyuk257]

Honestly, I think tiktok's end will allow ppl, esp da grlies to finally address serious body issues, perception of beauty, eurocentrism, etc. But I also have a feeling that won't happen because capitalism thrives off insecurity and hyper-individuality. Also, as a painter, using color theory on an actual person vs a canvas always sat wrong with me. Obvi, there are colors/tones that stand out better on a skin tone vs another. But it's highly subjective because color is infinite. I feel like that trend is a passive/sinister way of telling people they need to spend more on unneccesary products and by extension appeal to western beauty standards without them even knowing. Like why must we overrationalize if person A looks better in red than Person B because they got XYZ features. Just let them both wear red (which there are hundreds of reds to choose from) and let em be confident with it instead of putting Person B down. Anyways, really enjoyed the topic, it's a much needed conversation!

[@Hello-on3lp]

You are so right about this. Also the recent “tankini revival or not” is actually driving me fuckinh insane. Why do u give a fuck what other people wear let people wear whatever they want and wear whatever you want anyways love you Nicole 🫶

[@noraeable]

I stopped shaving my legs my senior year of college, and it was the best decision I ever made for myself. I genuinely hated doing it, and it always took forever. I only started shaving my freshman year of high school because it was expected of me and other girls always made comments throughout middle school because I wasn't shaving. It's been a decade since I stopped, and still, every spring, I get that stupid little voice in my head that people are going to judge my unshaved legs, and I have to squash it out each time. The best advice I can give is to try to stop thinking so much about how others perceive you. I've found most people are far more concerned with thinking about how others perceive them than they are in actually perceiving others.

[@meriboberi]

I read "I Thought it was Just Me (But it Isn't)" by Brenee Brown a few years ago and learning about my inherent shame and that EVERYONE HAS IT was one of the most powerful things. When I start to get in my own head too much, I remind myself that literally everyone is thinking about themselves the way I'm currently thinking about MYself, which means no one is thinking of me at all. It helps quiet my inner critic and allows me to focus more on the moment than I otherwise would if I were worrying about how people are perceiving me.

[@taliyaholson7071]

the blend of the video essay and the makeup tutorial is so good

[@safiyahkhatri9660]

This has snapped me out of a haze I have been worrying and obsessing over how I am perceived to the point where leaving the house is difficult and you're so rigjt about the gym example. I could not tell you what a single specific person looks like every time I've been out and about unless something has struck me about them and it's always a positive thing !!!

[@babyteph]

As a person whose frontal lobe just finished developing.. I resonate a lot with revisiting passions/trends from my early uni years and revisiting the parts of ‘younger me’ that I loved. Really great insights!!

[@lexi_nicolle]

I’ve had such a bad day at work and this upload just cured my depression

[@woo3524]

the only thing id miss tiktok for is the useful things you can learn about. like i genuinely believe without tiktok we wouldn’t know in such detail what’s going on in gaza for example. ive learned about random history about other countries that i probably wldve never seeked out. it was also the app that helped me realize that im not a lazy fuck i just have adhd like 😭 other than that the app is sooo exhausting. we were so close to being a generation that truly accepted the whole self love and body positivity thing but tiktok set us back like 20 years and im not even kidding

[@kirtsie]

Looking RADIANT in this video, miss nasty 😩

[@felixyall4541]

the ‘be brutally honest’ thing on tiktok like most of them weren’t posted by the people in the videos their videos got reposted without their permission with the caption ‘be brutally honest’ by other people. it’s awful

[@Inkdrip0]

I used to have long chest length hair and I decided to cut it short above my shoulders in a little bob and it really showed me how long hair made me feel the need to dress for other people so needless to say, I probably won’t be doing that again. Ever since I cut my hair short, I realized that past year I hadn’t been doing make up for myself, but for other people, so I stopped wearing it and now that I’ve gotten a little bit better,I’ve started to wear it again for fun and I’m really proud of myself for being able to do that

[@Bones1220]

I just had a baby in December and I’ve never been more accepting of loving of my body. It’s amazing what I can do!

[@maakaalaahh]

speaking of, girl i LOVE your youtube videos. The way you can create content without needing other peoples content or to make something above and beyond what needs to be done to get the point across. you’re a great speaker, like genuinely i feel like im listening to the best podcast ever.(i dont rly like podcasts but id love urs)

[@lisechristensen4714]

For the 13 year olds: shower every day, possibly twice. Change your socks and underwear everyday and learn how to wash and dry clothes yourself. Look into how to stop your shoes from stinking. For skinky pits: micellar water. Put some on a clean rag, clean your pits. Smell is gone. Put on deodorant. Wash the rag when needed. Yay. Moisturizing lotion on your face. Be a good and nice and kind person. Be a kid as long as you can and at every chance you get

[@nicolah.6481]

This is excellent advice

[@lifaen]

These are good! But no need for showering twice a day. It's okay to shower once a day or every two days. Showering too often can hurt the skin and it's waste of water and money (yeah, water costs money). Unless someone is really sweaty or works in really dirty environment or it's really hot outside, then it makes sense. Also my personal trick for stinky pits is washing them with anti-dandruff shampoo and let it sit for 1-2 minutes.

[@kittyinpink]

Yep stay clean and as healthy -while being be kind to yourself -as you can be each day. proritizing your wellness is appealing❤❤❤ always practice kindness to yourself first!

[@LaLaBlahBlahh]

This is soooooooooooo relatable! I’m 29 and I remember looking at facial shape charts, how different liner changes your face and talking about lifting your tongue up (mewing) at like 14-15… so like 2008!! It’s exhausting. The answer is: there is no objective answer. Just do what you like and work harder on being a good, interesting person and kind to others, a positive addition to your community etc etc.

[@cicooooooo]

I dont go on tiktok anymore, it is so toxic and becomes more and more like tumbler during the 2010s. Also stopped Instagram because I spent so much time scrolling and feeling worse about myself every day. My time is so much nicer spent doing stuff with friends or just fucking walking around. I made pierogis last Saturday, it took 5 hours but I now have the time for it. It is great!

[@user-md2tc7dw2n]

I remember when I used to work at Sally beauty supply, and a lot of women would ask me if the hair dye they are about to buy would go with their skin tone and I’ll be like you’re asking the wrong person. I’m an emo with pink hair and I would always tell them if you like the color just buy it. sometimes I think back and think maybe I should have just told them what they wanted to hear because a lot of them were still nervous after saying that.

[@notanothergiulia]

These days I was feeling a bit down cause I’m working on self-love and overcoming social anxiety (I’m struggling a bit cause I’m very hard on myself)…..and you posted THIS! Thank you 🥲🙌🩵

[@user-jy1yo2pp2n]

I definitely needed the video! I was alternative for all of my teenage years and then when I got to 20 I felt like I needed to let that go and follow the 'trends' and I completely lost myself! Slowing starting to get myself back and dressing for myself! Ignoring all these 'clean girl' 'mob wife' trends

[@marissawirig]

Ive honestly been thinking about this a ton lately, like its so exhausting to hear millions of opinions on perceptions of what someone should look like!

[@lus_kai]

so glad i clicked on this video. I've been struggling with self identity and my hobbies, and I will admit it , its cause of how much I allow the internet to influence me rather than just being comfortable with what I like. thankyou for posting this Nicole :D

[@barbietarbox]

My rightway-wrongway OCD has me in sweater and shorts OR pants and short sleeves, one set of my limbs must be FREE.

[@trishajeanholt8211]

everything my soul has been crying about for the past months has been put so perfectly in this video

[@freya1460]

thank you for this, its so refreshing to see someone talking about how toxic these parts of social media are

[@birchiebaby]

One important thing Nicole didn't mention: It's a normal part of being young and growing up! In your early twenties, you are really still developing, including building confidence, learning who you are, and learning that happiness is more important than looking your best as much as possible. It's normal to feel insecure and look for approval externally when you haven't had the time to find yourself and grow internal approval yet. So don't despair if you're young and haven't learned not to think too much about yourself, as Jermima said, just yet! You'll get there. :) I'm 28 now and let me tell you I spent my early 20s exactly like this, always looking to learn how to look "right" - which really was trying to look socially "acceptable", i.e. fit the prevalent beauty standard, because patriarchy communicates to women that you need to fit the beauty standard to a good enough level to receive basic respect, friends, and career prospects. I was so anxious about my looks, I often wouldn't leave the house when I felt ugly. I was so insecure, looking for others' approval constantly, and unsure of who I was in general, that I even thought I had BPD when I was 19/20. Turns out I did have some emotional trauma to work through, but other than that, I was just young and still at the beginning of figuring things out!

[@morganlahm9381]

I love that you talk about ocd on this channel. I also struggle with ocd in many forms, and it is a lot of right and wrong thinking at times. I feel like that sounds easy to snap out of to some people, but IT IS NOT. Like some things ACTUALLY feel wrong/right to the mind, and it is so strangely obsessive. Thank you for talking about it.

[@saraprimavera]

nicole actually cares about us guys like thank you!!

[@heavensjustahead]

literally !!!

[@triciacherie4875]

It feels like a real privilege to have grown up without social media when I was in middle school because genuinely that’s when I developed my life mindset-I mean I was still chronically insecure for years afterward but I can’t imagine being in 6th grade and comparing myself to everyone else in the world instead of just the people at my school or in my town ❤ it’s a real trip when you realize popularity is about being open to everyone and everything & not just belonging and subscribing to what’s on trend or that one “popular” clique at school.

[@Roasted_Asparagus]

I can relate so much to being obsessed with finding everything "right" for me. The right makeup to flatter my face, the right clothes to flatter my body, the right colours to flatter my skin, the right workout to snatch my waist, and even the right study method to make me the most productive (yet to be found, currently stuck in a cycle of procrastination teehee). I've always been a perfectionist which was fine when I was younger, to some extent, but it feels like it's destroying me from the inside now that I'm much more aware of myself, my surroundings, people etc. It's like the more I learn, about anything, the more I get worried about how that affects me and how I need to change myself to better "fit". I loved this video by the way, I found your channel like 4 days ago and you are my latest obsession and personality trait.

[@misayumera7781]

brought me to tears tbh i really love how nicole like basically says whats on my mind

[@kathryn9207]

Got rid of tiktok months ago I couldn't handle how much it made me hate myself

[@elliejohnson7029]

i love the entertainment and educational side of tik tok too much for me to be able to delete it but ive been actively trying to change my feed from anything harmful bc bro, these ppl got me losing my marbles

[@jodieturnerx]

You always speak such facts. I've recently been trying to only ask myself what I feel best in and it's been a life-changer. Freeing ourselves from others' opinions is so important for being content in ourselves. External validation gets you nowhere long-term.

[@tomothyfoolery5334]

8:57 I think a lot of people experience this - I definitely have had the exact same thoughts. It reminds me of scenes from Princess Diaries and Pretty Woman- where you have a whole team remake you until you are “just right” - they even remind us of how “bad” the before is to reinforce the transformation.. intriguing that it’s mostly geared twords women and young girls only… really makes you think

[@Janezwurld]

This is so crazy I was literally just thinking about an outfit I have planned for tomorrow and debating if I should where it or not bc my tummy would be poking out and then boom “I think you guys might be thinking about yourselves to much” so I’m going to where it and look amazing ily 💕

[@lauranottuna]

This video was like a relief, a fresh breath of air. I agree with everything youve said. I'm just tired of it all. Yes, we CAN use color theory and all that stuff to elevate but STOP forcing it onto me. What if someone just wears what they want cause they like it? I hate those "I just wear golden jewlery but apparently im made for silver?" or "What are we wearing this summer?" tiktoks. It just shows how afraid people are to JUST WEAR WHAT THEY WANT. Not everything has to be maxxed and perfected until you look picture perfect. It is just alright to put on an outfit, think "oh thats pretty" and stop the thought process there. I'm just tired.

[@roaring.girl.]

I really grapple with like desperately needing to know my color season and then trying to ignore it all together, same thing with skincare and aging. Your videos have so casually helped me with trying to figure out how I actually feel about these things!

[@voidlove.]

oh my god. the doing “right or wrong” thing is an OCD thing?! i’m diagnosed with OCD myself and i did not realize me doing that is a part of it💀💀💀

[@britneyshinault]

Girl.. yeah. I've never related more. Sometimes I wish I just had someone to tell me how to do EVERYTHING. Then I just freeze up and do absolutely nothing because I don't want to be "wrong"

[@jessicaolivia9906]

i love these types of videos and you are so right. we all need to hear this more often.

[@drguthrie7621]

I just wanted to say love your vids and love the self love you are putting out, what you were saying about returning to what you know you like for yourself honestly got to me, great advice!

[@bethanyjennings6365]

As someone who's been struggling with mental health and self-image, this video was honestly such a good kick in the ass lmao. It's gotten to the point where I've felt convinced that sexualizing myself and dressing up was the only way to feel valid and attractive, mainly to my boyfriend. Mind you, he has done nothing to make me feel this way, this was simply me comparing myself to other girls and whoever else he may see in-person or online. Now my mind is pretty messed up thanks to a plethora of things buuut.... social media definitely does not help. Anyway, yeah, I rarely comment and wanted to say thank you for making and posting this.

[@alyssahewlett8094]

i totally agree, i’ve curated my youtube to watch people who help me with my confidence cause it’s so exhausting going on socials see people who are beautiful be obsessed with being there most beautiful selves due to what they think society wants to see. Deadass everytime i go out i think about the girls who did me wrong and if i will see them, so i make myself look as best as i can. which is so sad, i never cared until i was hurt but the people who made me feel most confident.

[@lydianelson7464]

Omg what KZbinrs do you recommend??

[@FlaviusTheGrumpyCat]

I've always been a goth kid so idk I think if I wanted someone else to dictate what I look like instead of just doing what makes me happy I'd just listen to my judgemental mother 😂

[@BridgetAnnika]

Nicole uploading a new video always makes my day so much better.

[@sariahkate1380]

This video has helped me validate my experience of feeling paralysed by not knowing what the “right” look is for me and my constant fixation on finding the colours, metals and style I am “meant” to wear and realise it may be time to chat about it. Thank you 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[@grpm1lk]

I’m so grateful for this video I stay strapped with it at all times

[@galamtz4216]

Nicole you’re so real for this, really I feel like these types of conversations need to happen on larger platforms. Definitely helps me stay grounded and down to earth. We rlly do be thinking too much and too intensely about what the silly little screen says about us rather than what we actually need and want.

[@Anna-MLS]

ugh genuinely your videos help me so much with my negative thought loops and anxiety about other peoples’ perception of me. even tho I’m 23, I’m still learning through you that I am not alone 😭

[@megw5080]

thank you for giving me a full mental reset. found myself backtracking recently, but these types of videos give me a slap in the face!

[@GetElevatedWithMe]

Omg girl you are so right!! I am thinking about way too much and losing some energy that way. Thank you ☺️

[@bellitasophita]

i started watching your videos a little over a month ago and i really like you! you’re so comforting especially your voice and i like the words you say pretty lady

[@ilya.lilith]

Nicole, this video made me cry, thank you for sharing your wise words, I’ve been really struggling with my confidence and the way I look and I always question myself and try to find flaws in my style, or debate the fact that im beautiful or not, but thank you for this amazing video, you’re literally everything 😭💖

[@ephemeralmaple]

girl i literally love your energy so much,, i watched another one of your videos and came back on here to tell you this because yes, i love your energy and i love your humor and i hope you have a great day

[@chrrymshrms]

nicole I loveee these spontaneous videos so much and they remind me of when I first stumbled across this channel a few years ago when I first started college lol I grew w you and watched you grow and im just v happy right now. have a good day bestie:D

[@ayannasun]

YOUR HOME IS SO AMAZING!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ That is my dream space. I adore it so much 💗 Btw, your content is very entertaining and I’m glad that you’re here as a content creator!! Thank you Nicole