Why Gossip Starts & Spreads at Work | Joe Mull | TEDxStripDistrict

Gossip is common, but why? It can wreck havoc. Joe has a solution. Joe Mull, M.Ed works with organizations that need their leaders to become better bosses and build stronger teams. Joe is the former head of learning and development for one of the largest physician groups in the U.S. and the author of two books: Cure for the Common Leader and No More Team Drama. As President of Joe Mull & Associates, he partners with clients across the country to give their leaders the skills and tools they need to foster teamwork, engage employees, and lead people. Joe holds a BA from IUP (’00), a Master’s in Education from Ohio University (’03) and has more than 20 years of experience as a trainer and facilitator. His TedX talk Why Gossip Starts and Spreads at Work will shine a light on the predictable, inaccurate thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate gossip in the workplace, and the ways to disrupt, disable, and prevent them from occurring. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@oaklandsoldier8520]

I'm always wary of the one coworker who knows about "everything" and "everyone". I told her once, "you know more about me than I know about myself huh"?

[@josephludwig1126]

That ONE coworker ,is the problem, they start the rumor train. They need to be fired.

[@anniesshenanigans3815]

So I been working with the same people for years. Several are perpetually late. Several are extremely slow. Several take shortcuts. It affects everyone, eventually. I used to complain to the boss, worry and whine about it all and had a breakdown over it. Nowadays, I let it go. If I have to work overtime because of any one of those issues, so be it. Their issues are none of my business. After all this time it cannot possibly be a secret, and it cannot possibly be a problem. And after watching this video I am sure I do something that bothers someone.

[@glow1815]

Same here. I stopped saying nothing not worth of my time. I come across their errors I just step over it not my problem.

[@sukiosartchannel3689]

I always go to my co-worker and try to work it out as a grown up but I have found out, the hard way, that others won't pay me the same courtesy or that they don't want to have a conversation.

[@sallylara1102]

That happened to me this week

[@kathykimmet7530]

Or when you do go to the co-worker they won't take responsibility for their issues and nothing changes.

[@beyondbrunch]

@@kathykimmet7530yup. She projected everything.

[@glow1815]

So true glad I work from home. I don't have to listen or have drama queens or gossiping coming to me no more. Dr's office and office workers are notorious when it comes to drama and gossiping.

[@adnanjaved5291]

Good to know that, what kind of work do you do from home??? I also wAnt to switch to it as I am tired of physical job

[@crqdea6654]

YEP💯I'M SO JEALOUS🥴YOU GET TO WORK FROM HOME

[@esthergithogori2930]

😂😂. Nursing homes are the worst😂

[@josephludwig1126]

No such thing , work from home, it's an oxymoron.

[@mystickage884]

How many of you are the cause of gossip? I bet most people watching this don't spread it but want to understand why it is happening to them.

[@420_momentum]

Well everyone has Haters you can't please everyone

[@annalindgren2946]

13:26 What happens when we assume good intent from those who have bad intentions? As much as I want to believe that everybody has good intentions it’s hard when people take advantage over you for thinking like this. But when I try and be wary of people who could be doing so and confront them about it, I’m the one who is in the wrong. It just feels like I’m never going to figure this out...

[@simplezeesights3314]

I know this feeling all too well

[@annmarie6870]

I can’t stand being the rescuer. One co worker would always come to me and talk about how frustrating it was to work with so and so and all I could think to tell her was, “did you let her know all of this.” It’s selfish to put that on me to. I don’t need all that drama tell the person you have that problem with.

[@veronicalagor4771]

Wouldn't gossip also be affected by communication between management and the team? In my experience, gossip tends to be worse in workplaces where communication from leadership is non-existant, and it's a few employees spreading theories of what's going on in the company as "fact".

[@pinkrose4322]

Exactly! This is what happens.

[@hannabanana5888]

Lol. This was incredible. Words cannot express how much of an amazing speaker and related you made this

[@shawna_mills8414]

'And all of a sudden we have a little drama triangle', more like a Bermuda Triangle.

[@anniesshenanigans3815]

we call it the next episode of "as the stomach turns" lol.

[@CK8smallville]

I do think the worst of a co-worker, but not with one or two instances. It has to be a pattern before I think negatively of them. I don’t gossip. I don’t speak to the person Im upset with, nor anyone else either. Mainly because if I tell someone, they would tell everyone what I said. Is this why no one talks to me at any of my jobs?? Because I don’t gossip?

[@ilovemybeard3394]

Sadly yes...the only way to win a crowd is through gossip unfortunately, but don’t stoop to their level though Keep your head up and be yourself always and the right person will come along 🙂

[@annmarie6870]

This is awesome! Many people don’t understand why people do what they do they just see their side of it and that’s it. Love this statement

[@daniellecuomo]

This was really insightful and informative!

[@lizyankellowork6649]

Joe ~ Every time I need it the most, you magically appear in my "inbox" to provide me with insightful inspiration. I am blessed to know you and I am blessed to learn from you. Thank you for all you do to help us be better and do better.

[@roseystroup]

I needed to hear this, is like heaven in the sky

[@lifeworkshopca]

Awesome. Recently I have started to let the other party know of "how I feel" and ask them "why they do what they do". Needless to say I ask for feedback. So far it has been working very well.

[@debbiekillewald8384]

You're absolutely right. Thank you.

[@joelchamberlain9620]

Extremely relevant and informative. Excellent video, thanks for sharing!

[@mikemiller2094]

Gossip spreads because people have no damn sense

[@zaviera_7547]

And no damn life of themselves

[@roberteaston6413]

In a democracy is it possible for a politician to get elected without gossiping about his/her opponent? I am not saying that it is right but it seems inevitable.

[@adamsell2675]

Outstanding presentation! Really loved the education, perspective, and tools provided.

[@alaashhab397]

I would say thank you from all my heart. what an amazing video!!

[@pinayautismmominnewyork1234]

This is awesome! Thank you!

[@henrydavis9953]

Awesome job! I wish I could get this guy to my workplace ❤❤

[@Apostleaisha]

This why i ignore them at work 😂😂😂 because i knows is something wrong with those people who gossips Um glad i saw this veido Because it made me understand the situation I see this at almost every work place i go

[@chisuwochabu250]

I really really love this.

[@jarinorvanto4301]

High-performers don't want to be drawn into workplace dramas, which only harm efficiency, energy, motivation, focus, flow and joy; only a strong ethos and a good health kan resist the destructive forces harming performance. The Pareto distribution isn't merely reflecting hunky-dory worklife; unspoken part of the package is the need ta fend off disruptive forces trying to intimidate you and your performance. Keeping the trajectory and trying to enjoy yourself in the face of adversity, is the utmost rebellious act against drama, gossipers and chaos.

[@sharisteele9212]

Excellent talk Joe! I loved seeing your keynote at Nextech conference too! By the way, applying your two rules - assume good intentions and confront an issue with the offender directly are ingredients for a good marriage too! LOL

[@23Fulani]

Loved it!

[@rosalynpopham7083]

Wonderful talk. Thanks!

[@mayerlingrodriguez4484]

AMAZING!!!!!!!!

[@Martin-us7eu]

Great Ted Talk, Joe!

[@Nsadheo]

This guy is one good public speaker.

[@brit4632]

Great talk!!😁😁😁

[@laurieberry4814]

I remember the lady next door. She tape recorded me. I was five. She played me crying at her daughter's birthday party. The old woman said, "Only Laurie would do that." I called her many years later. I told her to apologize to me. She did. The woman is dead so that I don't have to worry about her talk talk talk.

[@majestyk8654]

I loved this

[@gmm5630]

excellent video

[@roseystroup]

I needed to read this

[@KnicksNYanks84]

He is a good speaker.

[@simplezeesights3314]

Agreed

[@krystal7179]

What do you do if you actively do this but others don't? Consistently. It can seem like they enjoy the drama triangle. I've run out of ways to see it from another perspective. It's a daily battle.

[@marlynnmurrey4]

Keep it up. You are only responsible for you and despite what it feels like, it is noticed. You are NOT the drama and your bosses know this.

[@kathleens7131]

You may be dealing with a narcissist, and maybe more than one.

[@simplezeesights3314]

They usually don't handle it well when you let them know what's going on.

[@reneemassey-2827]

Thank you for this video, I needed this...

[@AaroneStefano]

I never learned anything... boring. 🤤

[@reneemassey-2827]

@@AaroneStefano I KNOOOWWWW!!!!!! 😁😁😁😁😁😁

[@Nameless267-zr7tq]

I absolutely hate gossip it’s cruel

[@guidofeliz8384]

What you are about to read is not in my head nor is it a movie. It's a new reality for me at the job. There's something strange going on at the site in reference to me as an employee. Beyond the shadow of doubt, I know that someone has been going around defaming my good name and character in the building. As you know, this act is against the law. This is called defamation of character. Am I right? Why do I say this? Many of the people who have been friendly to me for more than two years have suddenly stopped communicating, especially when I am posted in the lobby. This new attitude towards me started about 5 weeks ago. I firmly believe that many of the employees from various departments are trying to make me feel unwanted hoping that I would leave the site. I spoke to several of my coworkers about what is happening to me. They told me to simply ignore the silent treatment, do my job and go home. Of course, this is easier said than done. There is a group effort to make me feel unwanted and uncomfortable. If I did something wrong or offended anyone, I would like to know exactly what I did that would compel a group of employees who have been saying hello to me for more than two years to suddenly stop all communications. By the way, this is only happening to me and not my coworkers. The silent treatment is only directed to me when posted in the lobby. I don't know who started the rumor, why the rumor was started and what exactly was spread about me. The rumor has ruined my good name and character not only in the lobby but on different floors and into several departments. If one or two employees decided that they no longer wanted to talk to me, I would not bother to post my story here. However, the number of people who continue to give me the silent treatment grows on a daily basis. Everyday, without exaggeration, a new employee is added to the DON'T TALK TO ME list, if you know what I mean. It is hard to work and be ignored. I make a decent salary and so walking away from the job is not a good idea. Questions: 1. What is the best way to handle the silent treatment at the job? 2. What would you do in my situation? 3. What is the main reason for giving an employee the silent treatment? Thank you.

[@Anonymous_Anon882]

You might have a legal case for court-libel so I guess it’s just up to you if you can be bothered dragging it through the courts or not. Notorious office-gossips are a menace to society so I’d try and do something about it if I were you. In the meantime get your records and overall documentation straight.

[@guidofeliz8384]

@@Anonymous_Anon882 : 1. They will deny ever doing anything wrong. There's no evidence of wrong doing without reviewing the cameras, which they will simply avoid. 2. My boss is more interested in keeping legal matters away from the client. Contract security companies rely on the money paid by the clients. The lawfirm is one of our clients. 3. The simple thing to do is to relocate me. This is what my boss is working on. 4. Currently waiting for my boss to find me a new site. The waiting is killing me with anxiety. 5. Last week I only worked two days, which shall reflect on my check for week ending 2/10/23. Not a good way to start a new year.

[@Anonymous_Anon882]

@@guidofeliz8384 I’m in no doubt whatsoever that the boss wants to get you out. Often-times what happens in those environments is that when one blabbermouth-idiots decides to start mud-slinging someone’s name and spreading malicious rumours about them the whole environment becomes icy to them and uncomfortable in their presence so the easiest thing for them is to ostracise and try and bar you from coming in at that particular time. In the meantime I’d still keep a written tabulation of what’s been happening since the new year and if it gets to court (at your discretion and as you wish) you can point out that the boss is trying to move you on in consequence of that and more because s/he’s more concerned about the company looking bad than actually looking out for you. Get that from your boss in writing, say you want it for your personal clarity and assurance and take it from there if you do decide you want it to be a legal matter. Hang tight in the meantime. I really hope it works out for you.

[@guidofeliz8384]

@@Anonymous_Anon882 : My boss does not work for the lawfirm. The lawfirm is just one of 30 or 40 accounts that the company I work has as a client. Understand? My boss is not trying to get me out. He even promised to find me another location. So, I am waiting for that to happen. My boss said that he will have a schedule for me this weekend, a work schedule that most likely will begin Sunday night or Monday night.

[@Anonymous_Anon882]

@@guidofeliz8384 right, I see. Well, good luck dirt that in the meantime but I’d still give a bit of legal thought about what to do with those co-workers, even in the absence of much evidence.

[@tacotruck7995]

First off this is a great video. However I disagree with a lot of things I’ve been told from numerous therapist that I am extremely hard on myself. Probably someone with low self-esteem. Which would mean I don’t favor myself. Do I think negatively about others? Sure.

[@jarinorvanto4301]

Intelligent individuals are more prone to underestimate themselves, self-critical they are, than less intelligent; one aspect of the Dunning-Kruger effect. The other aspect being making more favourable assumptions of the less intelligent than motivated by actual abilities.

[@lovepellegrini6541]

Excellent way of explaining the Karpman drama triangle - would have been lovely to have heard you mention the empowerment triangle - malicious gossip is destructive - not all gossip/forms of communication is destructive. I wish you peace.

[@annmarie6870]

All gossip could be toxic to tell you the truth. Some people just don’t like to be talked about behind their back my dad does it with family members I never talk to it’s like why are you telling everyone my business instead of just loving me? Sorry but talking behind someone’s back at all isn’t loving that person it’s still at the end of the day gossiping rather it be good or bad.

[@antiheroine3611]

Soooo what should person 3 do? Confront person 1? What about the sullied reputation with person 2?

[@allisonrae4828]

I second this question!

[@AnthonyManzio]

@@allisonrae4828 Just don't react and don't defend yourself and you win and all heaters get exposed

[@prepforlife4425]

Everyone has distortions of some kind

[@joaquinparra1540]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@PTStudent_]

See me im the type of person that would go up to the person that I have a problem with. I’m not gonna go to someone else in regards to a problem that I have with person a I’m a very confrontational person and I will 100% go up to you. And to be honest, we’re not hard hardwired for anything we do what we are allowed to do and we don’t do what we are not allowed to do the people who gossip feel that they have some type of safety net by gossiping, but once the person who their gossiping about confronts them now the person who done the confronting is somehow worse than the gossiper

[@honesty777]

I'm always weary of poor management and a cheers like workplace.if there is over 40 employees and trust I'm outside alone I know nobody's name even after months,the guy who knows everyones life and names.then the overly quiet one.noway....

[@danni-in-jax]

At my workplace it’s gossip about owners. Poor leadership

[@jeongphilip]

Meekz

[@josephludwig1126]

How many wright down 0%, they make enough.

[@How.Dare.You.]

I must be an allient bc I think opposite to everything he said people think

[@neatah4192]

👍

[@Cobra427Veight]

It's called, COVERT WORKPLACE BULLYING/SOCIAL BULLYING.

[@inthedarkwoods2022]

Was this filmed at an airport?

[@steretsjaaj2368]

Yep, you're all guilty of this

[@pval6838]

X us fighting b.

[@DS-pz5fj]

If you have kids if you have kids. You have to have kids to understand anything in life. Total BS.

[@kljhfsad4687]

A bit superficial.

[@anniesshenanigans3815]

but true.

[@EiziEizz]

This has been 15 minutes of gaslighting trying to lie to people narcs dont exist

[@lol-wg6gu]

Simple Leads and Management