Why I Didn't Do It

[@janmorrow]

such a powerful video. to quote Jenny Lawson "Depression lies". don't listen to it - you are needed here! find someone to talk to please. nothing is more valuable than you!

[@readerl.3461]

I'm 20 years old. Last year, I overdosed, my family called 911, got taken to the ER, and involuntarily committed to a state run psychiatric hospital. I had suffered from depression for five years, all throughout high school and I still do...Lately it's been really hard again. I'm afraid I'm going back to that dark place...I had a bad experience with my last two therapists, but I think I'll try contacting my college counselor. So, I really needed this video. Thank you so much, RJ.

[@TheNotAdam]

It's important to remember that every professional is different. So if it doesn't work out with one, keep trying with someone else until you find someone with a style that best fits you ❤️

[@christinaconath5325]

"this feeling of panic and worthlessness" People tend to not talk about their weaknesses a lot so every time you look at your family members, friends and classmates/coworkers, it seems like everybody has their shit together except you. It just feel really good to know that you're not the only one struggling, or even better, that someone else used to struggle with the same emotions and found a way to feel better. If RJ can do it I can too, right? :) Great video RJ, it's always good to check out your channel for a dose of inspiration

[@vollkornflocke]

+Christina Conath Amen!!! There's sooo much behind the front...

[@christinaconath5325]

vollkornflocke there really is but for whatever reason you just assume that everybody is doing exactly like they are pretending to... much better than you. It's kinda like the facebook effect :P

[@vollkornflocke]

To stop comparison and fast assumptions isn't easy, but can be extremely helpful. For your own sake and for your way to deal with others :-) Most people have at least two sides, especially the happy, open and confident people

[@bubblegumm5483]

Thank you for this, R.J. Suicide never felt like an option to me. I told myself everyday, "the only thing worse than being alive is dying." But that didn't stop my imagination. Every mundane activity beckoned my demise; I could slip in the shower, I could hide in a semi-truck's blind spot, I could drown, I could swallow a bunch of pills, or I could cut myself with knives. I had no intention of literally indulging in any of these acts, but I didn't dissuade their circumstantial occurrence either. I knew that I would never have the guts to end it myself, but found some sense of macabre solace in sudden, traumatic, and uncontrollable causes of death. I decided to go to a college that's 4 hours from my hometown. This physically distanced me from a lot of things that brought me great pain, but depression continued to rule my life. So I sought therapy and addressed my issues head-on. I'm still chronically experiencing a lot of different symptoms of depression, but I've managed to shake off those fantasies of imminent fatality. I'm still not entirely sure how to live my life, but I'm done looking at death as if it's a satisfying answer.

[@FwendsTV]

I just transferred and started college at FIU again. I had to drop out a year ago because I was so depressed and had an enormous amount of anxiety. I wanted to die. And I almost did. So I took myself out of college, went home, and went to therapy. While the therapy helped, I've hit a huge low lately as I started college again. Today I got prescribed anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication. I'm glad I'm still here. Freedom is close. I'm going to be able to start making youtube videos again with my best friend and I'm going to get through school. The future is bright. Thank you for posting this, RJ. -Jules

[@okimlistening2u]

RJ, thank you for this. I'm a youth counselor working with guys your age and younger on chemical dependency and sexual orientation issues. You have described accurately and in detail the process of suicidal ideation. Talking with someone changes EVERYTHING. Thank you, RJ, this video will save lives, what can be better than that. All of you reading this, learn, and talk please with someone you trust. You are loved, you just don't realize that yet.....................thanks ..............Ray

[@TheNotAdam]

So glad to hear this from an actual pro. Feel free to use any of my stuff if you find that it helps 👍🏽

[@okimlistening2u]

Thanks, RJ, you are doing a world of good and I appreciate it...........Ray

[@SimonaOmina]

I always feel very sad every time I hear about suicide and wish I could help these people. It seems to be a huge issue these days. For some reason, I'm one of those who are terrified of death and I know for sure I'd never kill myself. Even when I was going through rough times I always tried to keep reminding myself that it was just temporary and tried to think of the good things I had in my life and I kept imagining how happy I'd be when the trouble would be over. I always kept telling myself it could be even worse. I thought of people who had much bigger trouble than me, of those who craved to live while dying. I also thought of those who didn't like me and didn't support me (which I felt was majority) and I told myself that I needed to fight, help myself somehow and be successful to make them regret and wish they could be by my side. I always tried to stay positive. Those were the things that kept me going. I taught myself English 'cause one day I actually got the idea of moving to a completely different country (guess which one) in order to get rid of my problems and thought I was crazy for getting that idea but now I know that it was actually a good idea. I am very glad you're here. I'm very grateful for people like you, RJ. Watching your and Will's videos is definitely one of these things that do help me. You help me to be more confident and have faith in myself. *I thanked you many times but there's never enough thanks to express how much these videos mean to me, so, if you're reading this, THANK YOU.*

[@lpforever6273]

+Simona Omina Great to see your comments (always) and I agree, Will and RJ are an institution in my life too now, positive vibes and realness and life in the big wide world with that special edge of a committed couple who are sharing their days with us.

[@DragonLightz]

+Simona Omina Hi^5

[@meddlesomepriest]

For some time after my mom died, I struggled with all sorts of emotions. I was stuck in one of America's poorest cities and the career I was working so hard to secure with a college degree had fallen prey to the inaffordability of my college. What made me suppress my darkest feelings was the quote, "If you're not where you want to be in life, you're not a tree: you can get up and move." Soon I hope to move to the Big Island of Hawaii with my husband-to-be with all new aspirations. There are always options and I hope this video helps show some people just that. RJ, if one person decides to stay alive because of this video, your work will have been well worth it. And the forces of Love will bless you and give you peace.

[@JodiePatersonblogger]

You just lit up my life. This might sound silly, but I really did need to hear this right now. It is very possible that you just saved my life because you have given me the courage to speak up and tell someone how I've been feeling. Just telling you this so you know how powerful your words have been and how much one video can affect one person's life. Knowing that someone else has gone through similar things to me genuinely makes me feel more positive about the future because you are proof that things get better, you are proof that change is better than ending everything for good.

[@TheNotAdam]

+Jodie Paterson I'm so glad to hear this

[@garymn100]

Jodi- I'm so glad to hear RJ's video helped you. That's what this is all about. Things get better and you will get through this period of your life and you will soar! Trust me on this!

[@JodiePatersonblogger]

+garymn100 thank you so much! You are so lovely. words like this are getting me through

[@Klums98]

I have been bullied 6 years of my life and a year before it stopped, I had the thought of committing suicide. I told my friends and they helped to don't have that thought again, telling me that they love me and I have to think about that and not about what other people tell or think about me. Now I'm a little bit better, but I still have the feeling that everybody is laughing at me and I have nightmares about all of this. So thank you so much for this, it helped me a lot. Love you so much ♡ I'm so happy you didn't do it

[@ashleyrose1840]

This video means a lot to me. I'm recovering from bulimia after suffering for around 2 years. I have dealt with mental illness half of my life and I never knew how to deal with it.. so that's when the eating disorder developed. It was such a dark time in my life and the starving/binging/purging cycle became my form of self harm, my way of finally having that control of my body. I planned my suicide on my 18 birthday but never went through with it.. I am now going on 20 and I am fighting the negative feelings every single day. Thank you for this video and sharing your experience. You've really inspired me.

[@marcustoomey458]

I was 19 and had been denied from college twice, had an awful partner in m life and couldn't come out to anyone because it scared me to death. A friend and I were talking and it all came out when they directly asked me "are you okay" I told them about my partner at the time, about feeling hopeless, about how my dad struggled to even acknowledge my existence and how I honestly didn't know I would make it another few months. I wiped away the tears and my friend said, "well, let's get you to a point where you can make it one day at a time." He helped me try out therapy, and helped me get my college applications out. He would text, "alright, one more day down, one more to go. Like every night, and he was the first person I called when I got my college acceptance letters. I packed up, started new and things have been incredible. Still hard, still really fucking challenging, but so much fucking better.

[@DiscreetBai]

thanks for making this video. i really needed it. i hope to get professional help soon.

[@TheNotAdam]

Try using any of the resources in the description to help you start, and stay strong ❤️

[@Starrysong]

I used to want to die most of my life due to self destructive feelings about myself and as a result of bullying. I still struggle with that when life gets so hard that it doesn't seem like there are any other options. Most of the time I don't feel like I can talk to anyone, and when I do want to talk to, they don't want to talk. I really appreciate you sharing your story.

[@yikess33]

Def. be careful who you talk to. I thought I could trust a friend with my struggle and later they only used it against me in order to tear me down and make my other friends think I was not someone to associate with.

[@TheNotAdam]

+yikess33 sorry to hear that :(

[@myrotyro]

I loved this video. It's a topic that can never get enough attention. Back in the fall of 2009, I was in the lowest point of my life. Work was horrific and with the recession, there were no other options out there at that time. Every day became a struggle and I began to feel as if I was out of options and perhaps, I had done what I was meant to do and it was time to leave this world. One Friday evening I had made some plans of what I wanted to do. I was sitting in the parking lot getting ready to go inside when on a whim I called a friend I had known for nearly 20 years. He wanted to know how I was and for once I decided to open up and be honest. We talked for over an hour. One thing he said cut through all the blackness in my mind: No matter how bad things seem, no matter how dark it gets, there are always options. With his help and the help of a great therapist, I began making changes and over the next several months a plan began to emerge. Work was still horrific, but now I saw a way out. I quit my job, went back to school and began to study for a new career. Today I couldn't be better. Yes, there are still challenges, but they're manageable and I now know how to deal with them. That phone call literally saved my life. There is always an option B.

[@OMGitsGMAR]

I tried to commit suicide in January, now im almost 5 months clean, things get better, i know everyone says that, believe me i was one of those people who didnt believe it, but now i do because i have achieved the greener side of the grass, (i hope i used this metaphor correctly) but you reading this, i promise you, it will get better, you're beautiful and your life is worth it

[@TheNotAdam]

+Glorymar Arroyo So glad that you're still here

[@OMGitsGMAR]

TheNotAdam likewise ♥

[@bobeeboi]

A very candid video RJ. 35 years ago when I was 13 I tried to kill myself and the only reason I'm writing this now is because someone forgot something at my home. I was already dying. When I woke up 4 days later with all types of tubes in me . It was as if I had died. For months after, I thought I had died, and this was purgatory I was a theist then. I was placed in an insane asylum that catered to both adolescents and adults. Oh I was told by my doctor that I was the youngest person in the history of the hospital that tried to commit suicide. When I arrived at the asylum there was a mix up and I was placed in the adult ward by mistake for 2 days I was strapped to a bed, and for two days I saw all manner of extreme mental illness that I still can't forget almost 4 decades later. The mistake was corrected I was place in the adolescent ward. I was there for 3 months I never told anyone I was gay when my 90 day review came up. My mother and I were sitting in the office of my Dr. I remember he asked if I could wait outside while he spoke to my mother. My mother refused. So there I sat while the Dr. went on to inform my mother that I was extremely troubled that it would takes a year of therapy and meds to help. As you can tell by my last name I'm latino, and at that time psychiatry or having mental disorders was not a real thing to latinos, also my mother felt that this was an indictment of her parenting skills. We left, there was no way she was going to have a crazy son. I tried to kill myself because of a self loathing that was brought upon by family, and society in general for being gay. For me there was a two month period when I was 11 of confusion, but then I realized I was what they all made fun of I was what was for more than 75 percent of the population a perversion. So what happened? Well I've never tried to kill myself again, but what followed was 32 years of self destructive behavior. The behavior manifested itself in sexual promiscuity, drugs and an unwillingness to better myself. When you believe that what you are is vile, you will not care about your future, you will not care about others. You just go through the motions. All those years of going untreated for my mental disorders took it's toll I could not control them anymore. Three years ago when I had become an agoraphobic, that believed everyone talked badly about. A man that would look out his window every five minutes believing "They" were coming to get me. A man that would have such severe panic attacks that I would roll up in a ball and rock back and forth in the corner of my bedroom. That's when my younger brother came to me shook me up and told me I had to seek professional help or I would have to leave. How I got to that first doctor I can't remember it was so traumatic. I remember telling the Dr. everything. I walked out of there with more prescriptions that I couldn't afford. Lucky for me my brother helped me. I took my first anti anxiety pill when I got home. I felt nothing . Except for one thing an uncontrollable urge to drive, something I had stopped doing about four years before. It was amazing. I have 5 mental disorders I take meds for all of them, and I will most likely be on them forever. Am I where I want to be? No, but I'm a whole lot better than where I was.

[@TheNotAdam]

+Robert Benavides Wow. What an incredible story. Thanks so much for sharing it!

[@bobeeboi]

TheNotAdam You are very welcome. If I may just say how refreshing it is to see young gay men be proud of who they are. I grew up in a time when homosexuality had just been taken off the APA's mental disorders list. So even though I was 6 when that happened the mentality among the populace was still very much they are sick in the head, and right when things were going a little better. AIDS hits and sets us back decades. I'm sorry you don't need a history lesson. I'm very happy to have shared my story. There are countless others of my generation that have similar if not more frightening tales to tell.

[@ctzpsycho8]

+TheNotAdam RJ, this camera is amazing. I can see you so clearly and it shows us how beautiful you look. I know the tone of the video is serious but I wanted to remind you of the small things we enjoy.

[@joshuatoledo6232]

This was an amazing story and I hope you keep going and live on and have a beautiful life.

[@bo3tb]

i bet you took the deepest breath after you took this video.. i know exactly how you feel.. now my friend you feel stronger than yesterday

[@lpforever6273]

RJ this is for me the single most important function of YT for us in the LGBTQ world: keeping each other alive through the bad times and putting out just this message to wait, just get through the current crisis, no permanent steps that end all other options. As someone who has been through the ringer on these issues (more than once): one turning point was waking up in the ER after the first attempt at 19. I was profoundly (and I thought sincerely) disappointed my attempt hadn't worked, however in the following years when things started to go better (after coming out) I also had to say to myself (on many many occasions) "Glad that didn't work, otherwise I'd never have got to experience this". I have added this vid to my playlist of "Best coming out advice around" where people (mostly gay men) are talking about coming out and staying alive.

[@evonyg3203]

The message, experience, struggle, and strength you shared in this video was extremely bittersweet. It made me realize that even with all the struggles, lies, assaults, and despair in my life, that there ARE options to survive it all. And there is always hope, a friend, a smile, and a heart to hold onto. Thank you, Rj.

[@PhoenixFire32]

I think the real lesson here is that our interpretation of our situations influence our feelings. It isn't the other way round. If you are feeling depressed, change how you are interpreting your situation. I think this is why talking about our problems is so effective, because different people will interpret situations differently. Sharing how we perceive these situations allows us to literally feel different about them. When you learn to master this yourself, I feel that is when you really grow. You realize that your problems are always only ever temporary and that you have the confidence to go through them with strength.

[@omelette429]

Two years ago, I wanted to end it all. I was 20; about to graduate college; stricken with school debt; still had to pay out of pocket; jobless; parents had divorced two years prior. My father, evangelical fanatic, know-it-all, was always in his own bubble. He treated those at church better than he did his own wife/ kid. Child neglect.., albeit I was already an adult, it still affected me. We were under the same roof, still it felt like I was living alone. We never ate together. Never spoke. But one day, he made it clear I was the only one looking out for myself. He knew I was unemployed, impecunious, but I had to purchase my own groceries, necessities; everything labeled his or mine- the way roommates do. I've always been independent; never asked for money since I was 12; great student, and etc., but I thought we would share like a normal family. The idea was foreign to me. Everything felt even more hopeless; I had been in and out of depression since I was 15. During college, I experienced tremendous social anxiety. People told me that I needed to snap out of it, & if only it was that easy. My friends/family didn't get it. I had no idea where my mom was after their divorce. There was no way of contacting her, except on facebook. I felt abandoned, unloved, especially after all the physical abuse from childhood. Nothing assuaged my depression. I was going to do it, but my mom finally called me- I found out I had baby siblings, my half brother and sister. I went to see her and meet her new family. I felt out of place (like in someone else's family), but it distracted me from the dark. I'm in dental school now; long hours; have a job; came out to my mom as bi; have a boyfriend. Once in a while, the thought still crosses my mind, but I focus on my dreams; goals; and things that make me passionate. I've also recently started volunteering at a senior center beginning the summer. It's rejuvenating being in an atmosphere where people appreciate you, love to see you, and know your worth (even when you don't). So, I encourage those who are suffering to grasp even one thing that makes you happy; and realize your potential. We can all achieve greatness if we allow ourselves, and we can all be happy if we surround ourselves with the right people. (This post is so long, sorry ;-))

[@tweetthang96]

This is a really good reminder that trouble is temporary, death not so much. I haven't been suicidal in years but I've been at a low point or two where I could feel that trying to creep in and I think you did an absolutely wonderful job with this video.

[@davids6898]

My friend's nephew killed himself exactly one year ago. He was 18. There were so many good plans for him - he was going to work with my boyfriend in music production and my boyfriend was looking forward to that. It is so frustrating he took that opportunity away from my boyfriend. Suicide may have been his only solution but along with his life he also took away so much from so many others. Now one year later is really what was bothering him going to still be an issue? Heck no. Especially if he was working with my boyfriend his problems would surely have gone away. Now there is no solution. Only the sadness of the temporary situation which by his suicide will never really go away.

[@grahamwheeler3832]

I have had periods of suicidal thoughts throughout my life and the biggest problem during those times is that all rational thinking goes out of the window. When i look back once I have started to recover, I can see how stupid these thoughts are, but that is because I have started to think rationally again. What that councillor told you was very profound and powerful and is exactly what someone that is trapped underneath suicidal thoughts needs to hear to help kick-start the rational part of their brain and realise that there are other options. Thank you for sharing this very important message with us and I for giving me this video to turn to if these awful thoughts ever come back again. THANK YOU!!!

[@GeorgeRaphaelHarriss]

I absolutely LOVED this! The past few years have become some kind of experience for my family and I, but mostly me. Starting from around 20 or 21 years old (and I'm 26 now) we have been homeless and slept in our car at dark lit truck stops or gas stations, stayed at a friend of the family's house only to be kicked out later, stayed in a church at one point, etc, until I finally had to get my mother and younger sister out of it myself without the help of my 2 older siblings. We first stayed at a hotel for a while. I had gotten a job and was helping my mom pay for it. It was only one room and i slept on the couch that pulled out into a bed. The worst thing that happened then was that my mom's car got repossessed while we were sleep one night and we never got it back. Luckily we were across the freeway from my job at the mall. But not having a car wasn't going to work living in TX where public transportation is horrible! One day after work, I started walking down the freaking highway in the summer heat for over an hour, longer than a mile or 2, to buy some crappy used car. I was blessed to get a pretty good car and used it for my 2nd job. There were a lot of things going on at that time. And I know that parents usually get on their child's nerve too often, but my mother and I would have so many arguments about things and I blamed her for putting us in that situation anyway, so to me, she had nothing to complain about or say against me. I finally found an apartment myself and signed the papers and everything and I was ready to leave my mom and sister there at the hotel and live alone (maybe I should have). It still perplexed me that I had 2 older, capable siblings with partners who were so selfish (and one of them backstabbing). I decided to bring my family to the new apartment and not be like my siblings. Things were getting better. A LOT better! I was making okay money with 2 jobs, had a nice car, and a comfortable place to be in. Albeit a one bedroom still but we split the room and the living room. Things were going alright. However, mom was still getting my last nerve with a bunch of made-up ridiculous-ness and started indirectly talking about my sexuality. At that time, I was understanding finally that I mostly liked guys instead of girls. I had met 2 guys online that lived in NY and Belgium that became my best friends throughout those years and they helped me with bills and things when I couldn't. Keep in mind, we had never even met in person. Until one year, they both visited me for 3 weeks at different times and I let them stay at my apartment. No, nothing sexual happened during these times which said even more about the kind of friends they were to me. My mom talked down on them both though after they left and pretty much called them gay even though they didnt really "act" like it or give her a reason to think it. She talked about them so bad which really had an effect on me because, for one....they've been helping us live and pay for things....and two....if she thought that way of them because she assumed they were gay, what did she think of me? I got so mad and wanted to kick her outta the apartment. My friends told me not to and just try to take care of them for a little longer. My mom became ill and went to the hospital. We found out she was having congestive heart issues. My older siblings visited her. The oldest decided to have a talk and said she would help with bills and stuff finally.....but never did. My mom couldn't work anymore now which put even more pressure on me to take of everything. I was depressed many times throughout all of those years going through that but this felt so bad. I literally had 2 dependent humans to take care of by myself at the age of like 23 and I was never ready for any of it. This pressure came over my heart and I cried so much and I was scared because I wasn't sure what to do or if I would even succeed. I had 3 jobs at one point and wasn't getting much sleep at all. I finally had enough and was making enough at one job to help. I quit the other 2. At some point I met a guy while everything was going so well. He was my first and only bf so far and everything was good....until he broke up with me after 8 months for reasons that didn't seem good enough to me. I mean, I was no expert at relationships at all, but I thought he could've tried a bit harder to make it work. I wont go into detail, but we didn't argue ALL the time and when we did, they were small, we didn't yell, and I would back off a bit. Even though I had my own apartment. We pretty much lived together which I think made the break up even harder for me. I had already moved near him and my job and did all these things and put in so much work and heart into making things right and keeping my life on track....and it all started falling apart again. I loved him so much and he made the lonely life I was having so much better. I was truly happy again. I fell back into depression. Not only did he break up with me, but he did it after I had been fired for the first time ever in my life from a job. So I was relationship-less and unemployed with 2 kids to feed. This is my present life now......after he broke up with me about 6 months ago in March, I've had my first 2 car accidents (neither one was my fault), I went to a chiropractor and had physical therapy. I started driving for Über, got ill and had my very first invasive surgery which I am currently still recovering from. I stopped Über in July because of this. I've literally been unable to work since the surgery in August until now where I'm still in pain from it, not completely healed at all, but somehow I still decided I would try to work at this new job this month. I start monday and am terrified because of the surgery and I dont want to hurt myself but I also need to make money to survive and take care of my family. Not to mention my siblings still won't help. One thing I didn't mention is the fact that I came out to my mother about 2 months ago and it didn't go very well. She's highly religious and sends me letters under my door and text messages about bible verses and other things. Then she tells my younger sister how gay people are bad and filthy, etc. I can literally hear her say these things in my room while they're in the living room. The last thing she texted me was the last straw. She basically called me hoe that was prostituting my body to my friends for help! This was after me telling her that I had no income, couldn't work, and couldn't take care of them anymore. I told her I was going to move with my best friend in NY while I looked for a better job and recovered and they would HAVE to stay with one of my older siblings. The problem is that I've been going through all of this for so long, she has been so unappreciative that I'm the only person taking care of them and has verbally abused me with letter after letter, text after text, and argument after argument. I'm done! I don't know how I've managed to do it all these years but I have. I hate to say that I thought about death, but I have. I wondered if I died, yea, my problems would be over, but who would take care of them. There's also many people in my life who wouldn't want me dead that love me and I can't do that to them. Well, that's my longest rant/comment of the YEAR! I'm still surviving after all this and I've learned so many things through these experiences. It made me grow, it forced me to freaking grow ALL the way up FAST, but most of all, it has taught me to be a survivor. This is another hard situation to get through for me yet again, but I feel a bit more optimistic this time because I've been through so much worse already. If anyone reads this comment and takes anything away from it, know that you have it in you to be a survivor. I cried a little watching this video but RJ's words are so true.... #survive

[@carlahearndon3362]

I've been battling depression since I was 8 years old. For years, I hid behind my journal, my smile, my books, and my movies. Dealing with not just suicidal thoughts, but self-hating thoughts. I was molested (which certainly didn't help) and I was cutting myself. The turning point was when my best friends happened to see fresh cuts and got really pissed off at me. I cried and they held me for what seemed like hours. I may have felt worthless, but my friends love me. And it was their love that saved me from suicide (I attempted 4 different times). Suicide is not the solution. Get help. You're not alone. Thank you RJ! As always your words are beautiful and inspiring.

[@carlottafarnese]

I am crying so hard right now. Sometimes being strong feels pointless because you, no matter how hard you try, can't see the end and happy times, but when you put it like "I did it. It's possible.", seeing that you are not the only one and what people tell you to make you feel better is actually true, it makes holding on and keep on walking way easier. Thank you for sharing. :)

[@paulharless3256]

I thank GOD FOR U RJ.....IVE SUFFERED FROM PHYSICAL N EMOTIONAL ABUSE FROM CHILDHOOD to adulthood. ..love u

[@denapalmer4239]

Thank you for sharing RJ. I lost a young cousin to suicide because he was struggling with his sexuality. I wish he would have had someone like you to tell him that it does get better.

[@PabloBollatiMasbou]

I don't even know you, but I have being watching you guys for more than a year now and I'm so glad you didn't do it. You both have being really helpful to me. And I hope this video gets to as many people need it. There are always options and there are always people to be found.

[@klw1820]

Thank you for this. I was in a very dark place recently and I remembered that you had posted this. I watched it again and reached out for help, and I'm doing better.

[@vollkornflocke]

Thank you ! Thank you so very much!!! Even though suicide was never a realistic option for me, I've been through some damn dark and difficult times in my life (including depression and OCD). Everybody who's been there and back back (and you can easily understand that you're one of them at many, many points of this video) knows that you can't compare it to something which you can check off forever even though you left it behind (most of the time) and have a good life like me. Looking back, I'm so lucks that I was never capable of realizing suicidal thoughts, but back then it was an additional burden for me because the only other option was to have to live and that scared the hell out of me... I didn't have a clear turning point, but with the help of others (professionals, family and friends [but I couldn't validate that in my darkest periods]) I made one baby step after the other and (after all) I'm a happy person today :-) I appreciate the little things in life probably even more than a person which didn't ever have problems like that (I still clearly remember having to cry because I was able to tie my shoes normally because it was a huge thing for me and a signal of progress). You have such an important message and it even matters more because people with (severe) mental health problems can't trust or believe people which didn't have to suffer like them (or similar). But you, you had (or have) to fight and it makes you very relatable and credible. You're so right: Death and giving up can NEVER be a solution!!! Yes, it tough and no, there won't be a magic spell to make you feel happy-go-lucky immediately and forever, but it WILL get better!!! And it's worth it! If I had given up, I would have missed some crisis and difficulties, but most of all, I would have missed many great things (amongst others certain youtube videos... ;-) ) and amazing people (amongst others, members of a certain youtube community...

[@vollkornflocke]

Simona Omina If I can help only a single person a little bit and be a positive example like RJ with it, I do it with great pleasure :-)

[@soyeahimlaura]

This is beautiful and important. Thank you, RJ.

[@nyxhendren]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I have had similar feelings and have battled anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. Watching this video reminds me that death is permanent, what you are going through isn't.

[@nikkiisabella957]

As someone who has been struggling with depression, self harm, and suicidal thoughts... this video gave me a lot to think about. I am so glad you were able to get through this struggle and that your outlook on life has changed for the better. You just gave me a bit of hope that I'll be able to do the same.

[@amandaking559]

I've had suicidal thoughts before and the root cause of it was hormonal birth control. After I was advised to stop taking it after several scary anger episodes. I went through months and months of everyday being a roller coaster of emotions I'd go from crying to laughing to being angry to crying again so many ups and downs in just one day. I wasn't sleeping and then I started cutting to try to dull some of the pain. After feeling like this everyday for over 6 months I was done, I couldn't stand to feel the way I was any longer. I was ashamed that I had a problem that I couldn't fix and that I thought couldn't be fixed, I felt I was going to be broken forever. I made a plan to kill myself then one night on my second day of college my now ex boyfriend(we didn't break up because of this he cheated on me several times) and I got into an argument, and I angrily blurted out that he wouldn't have to worry about me anymore because soon I would be dead. After he started searching my room for things I could harm myself with I grabbed the bottles of Tylenol and Aleve I had and tried running to the bathroom and he screamed she's going to kill herself so at that point my ex and my RA tried restraining me while the campus police were called. I remember being really angry and I kept struggling and calling them every name in the book. I was taken to the ER while being watched then transferred to the mental health unit where I stayed for a week and a half. After being put on a mood stabilizer Depakote and daily therapy sessions I was released but had to go to weekly therapy sessions before the college would let me come back and I went the whole 4 years I was in college as well. I realized that if your having a problem it's okay to tell someone and to talk to someone about it. It doesn't make you a weak person, and without any help that problem isn't ever going to get better on its own. I'm grateful that I didn't take my life because if I did I wouldn't have the life I have with my awesome husband and daughter.

[@it1581]

I feel you everything is going to be ok

[@HannahHoney92345]

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for adding the crisis hotline for Veterans. Speaking as a Vet and as someone that serves them daily in my career it means so much to me to have non vets remember us.

[@feitocomfruta]

Thank you. I am 30 years old and I have struggled with these depressed thoughts and ideations for decades. You put this in perspective for me again. What stopped my suicide attempt was my mom coming home

[@DancingDann]

I'm so proud of you for making this video! The reason you and Will are one of my fave KZbinrs is your honesty. You are one of the most honest people on KZbin and that's what makes you so likable and nice. Thank you for sharing your story RJ :)

[@laurenfaulkner2974]

This really touched me, myself I am struggling with depression and it certainly does feel like you are alone. It gives me hope knowing that someone who has felt the same way has overcome the suicidal thoughts and i wanted you to know that you are my inspiration and I think many other people are grateful of this video x

[@Blueyedrebel]

So glad you fought through it RJ

[@NicolettaA26]

All those feels... Thank you for telling your story, sure couldn't be easy. I hope it can and will help others!

[@richardburgess4544]

Thank you! You may never see this message but thank you for sharing. The struggle is real but I will live to see tomorrow and take up the challenges of life with renewed strength. Love you guys!

[@tamarra7]

I was in my early twenties and having suicidal thoughts. at the time I was attending a technical school and the psychology teacher happened to mention that the school offered free counseling. after class I approached her and ask her for more information about the counseling. I remember her looking straight in my eyes and asking if I could meet her in her office at a certain time that day. she ended up giving me personal counseling for the next several months. she told me afterwards that there was something about me and the look in my eye that day that she knew she had to do something immediately. she probably saved my life and I am forever grateful for her. along the way I have suffered with depression again and again. but now I know enough to recognize the signs when I need a checkup and I will seek counseling immediately. there are so many people along the way some family some friends some complete strangers that have helped me along the way.

[@andrewinthekitchen1443]

RJ I think you are my summer retreat counsellor and this is my turning point. I am in the same situation as you were, happy, top grades but struggling with sexuality, not knowing what I wanted to do at university and I feel pressure to do what my family want me to. I've considered suicide but have never attempted because frankly I have a fear of death. I still get onsets of depression/anxiety and suicide feels look the solution but I've realised that the low will improve and will not solve my problems. This was a brilliant video and I'm deeply grateful to you for sharing your story

[@TheNotAdam]

Well I can only hope that your situation improves as much as mine has. Stay strong ❤️

[@andrewinthekitchen1443]

+TheNotAdam thank you RJ! I know I'll be coming back here when I'm in a dark place.

[@msquarec]

Thank you for sharing your story. Anyone out there struggling it's not weak to ask for help weakness is thinking you can fix it yourself.

[@ExploreElementary]

I love this video. I know a few people who have taken their lives. And as I will never know the pain that caused them to make a decision. I do know that it is important to have these honest conversations. Mental health is important and something that needs to be paid attention to. Thank you again for highlighting an important topic!

[@Gilgasm]

I'll start by saying that I love all the love that you and Will spread on the KZbins.

[@UrLocalMenace__7]

I don't think that in my entire life I've ever cried over a video, but today I did. This video drove me to tears, I don't know if it's because I've had a shit day or because I can actually relate to this. You are an amazing persor and also a very brave one, there are not many people in the world capable of sharing such a dark part of they're life and some don't even make it far enough to share it. I'm glad you got help and that you managed to fight through this dark part of your life. You're an inspiration to us all and I'm very glad you're here today sharing this with us. Don't ever change who you are, I know I would miss you and these inspiring videos u make. Just keep on doing what you do and I hope that you never go back to that dark place again. I have yet to get out of that dark place and hearing this words just made ii a little bit better. Thank you so much for this and for everything you do. ❤️

[@toobad8smine]

My life would be very different without you. I'm glad you stuck around.

[@amandaberesford9114]

Thank you RJ for sharing your experience. A year and a half ago I was in a really bad place. My grades were slipping, I couldn't sleep, and I just felt like I couldn't get anything right. No one seemed to notice, because like you RJ, I was keeping up an honora level appearance. But inside, I just wanted to sleep forever. One day was particularly bad, and I decided it was time to go home. I couldn't imagine facing another two years before I could move away and start again. I was sixteen years old, and already done with life. I made a video saying how sorry I was. I just couldn't take it anymore. I had everything ready, and my computer malfunctioned. It started playing the very song I needed to hear, Not Alone by Darren Criss. That night I also found shep689. Over the course of the next week I watched several years of vlogs. You guys became my inspiration to keep fighting. Today your guy's videos can always cheer me up at least a little. Thank you for always being there, especially when I have no one in real life to turn to.

[@OnMyWaytotheFLA]

Thank you, RJ. I've actually never been suicidal, but I think this could greatly help others.

[@chlemtom1]

Thank you so much for sharing this Rj. I really need this in my life right now. I have been struggling with depression since I was in high school and no one was there to help me. Thank you!

[@elizabethisawesome17]

I needed this so bad. I feel like i was supposed to see this video. It was the first video that showed up on my page. I was just feeling like hurting myself earlier. Thank you.

[@TheSandrineLeto]

Every time I rewatch your videos, I identify with you, RJ. I'm from Russia, so being bi is even more complicated here(though it's definitely getting better). I've suffered from an ED since 14. My brother had passed away, my dad followed 5 years later. I was left with my mom, who was insanely religious. So you can imagine the state of mind. Amazingly enough, I've decided to start therapy. Was the best decision ever. The therapist was an amazing person, he helped me. I'm almost 23, I still have, my issues, but I've embraced myself. Guys, look for help. Life is worth it. We are never alone.

[@alyssahenderson8821]

You posting this and Shep689 posting "I'm Not Okay" scared me!!!

[@ncdaughertysmile]

What woke me up was actually realizing myself that my feelings are valid and I deserved to be listened to and I deserved to stop being pushed around by people. So I broke up with my girlfriend and I realized I was pan and this summer has been the best summer ever for my mental health and I haven't felt this happy in over 3 years. So thank you rj for posting this I'm so happy for you and all of these survivors

[@thamre0544]

Your story made me realize that whatever happens there's always hope and no one is alone and nothing last forever. I just broke up with my boyfriend and called him an hour ago to get back and Apologise about what I said but when watched this video i realized that life is to short to worry about a boyfriend or whatever bather us . I know i am in pain right now but i will get throw that and am a strong and cuz i know that love is part of life not the life by itself . Just be happy guys and do whatever it takes to survive this journey 💜☺️.

[@OLDS98]

Wow.. You just never know what people are dealing with or going through. People are dealing with things and you never know how and why. It is so sad. People put up fronts every day and try to cope. Some cannot. I am glad you are still here RJ. You do not know how many people with this video you will reach. You are a survivor and just know you did a great thing by doing this video. It was powerful.

[@TheNotAdam]

I hope you're right ❤️

[@leanakaithlin8535]

Thank you so much for sharing this❤ I'm 16 and am currently overcoming a situation very similar to the one you were in, only that I have been struggling with suicide thougts and self harm, the feeling of worthlessness and panics since the age of 13. I've only told two of my friends about this, my family doesn't know. For the first time in a long time I am almost certain I made it. I have been feeling a lot better and I know it is only thanks to me, to a few nameless people here on youtube who gave me love and tips and to people like you who chose to make the world a better place. At the beginning of this summer I decided to give "getting better" one last shot and if it didn't work I would commit suicide this winter. I don't know what exactly was the turning point for me but I am working very hard on myself to be happy and to love me for me. I think I just realised that I am the one in control of my life and that, as you said, if it was to bad I could just go and start over. Soo yeah that's a quick runthrough of my experiences. If anybody here needs someone to talk to, I'm here❤love y'all

[@frankaaw]

If feel so sorry for you that you have those feelings about your self, I am sure that your an awsome person and I hope that you will get better and better!

[@TheNotAdam]

Congratulations! I'm so glad you're still with us. And I can guarantee that if you continue your commitment into adulthood, you're on your way to an incredibly happy and fulfilling life. I wish all of that for you and more ❤️

[@leanakaithlin8535]

+Franka Wiegman Thx so much❤

[@leanakaithlin8535]

+TheNotAdam Thank you❤ I hope you're right. Thank you for being you, your and wills videos have helped me in so many ways, I really owe you

[@kidrauhlcake]

Wow. I've been feeling especially low, but this video really makes me think. I'm literally in tears. Thank you.

[@TheHelpManipal]

I have been one of those peoples too who grappled with the idea of suicide when I was still understanding myself. This video made me cry. Thank you for sharing this with us RJ. *I didn't do it either* You sir, are a beautiful human being.

[@soaringmisha6991]

This is inspiring! I myself have never experienced suicidal thoughts or actions but I know someone in my school who has gone through that. We are friends now. I make sure to let him know that he isn't alone an I will always be there for him . And I stood by him when they came out as gay. I feel proud to say that he is no longer feeling suicidal, and I feel honored to say that I helped him by letting him know I was there for him. I know it sounds silly but by convincing one person that this is happening and you can prevent it I think that that can change a lot. (Re reading this and noticing how much I sound like one of those people who preach to the Internet!😝) I love you and support you!~Megan

[@stellaleave]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I had suicidal episodes for years and up to this day I sometimes feel like the only thought keeping me alive is that I could still end things. But you are right: It's only temporary and it does get better. And then you will come out stronger on the other side. xx

[@TheNotAdam]

I'm so glad to hear that! Keep it up! You'll put all this negativity behind you in time ❤️

[@starfruitdustc2385]

I'm crying right now. At this time a year ago I was cutting myself to sleep, constantly thinking of ending everything. I never wanted to show that I needed help, growing up with abusive parents, an alcoholic brother and a special ed brother made me feel like anything I did that was wrong was worthy of time in prison. A waste of time. I had convinced myself over years of hidden self-hatred that it would be better if I left and that people would be able to spend time doing important things, instead of dealing with me. And I tried it. I overdosed. I was put into some form of coma, where I was aware of my surroundings but unable to do anything. That whole night I thought a lot about what I did. It hadn't really hit me, you know? That I was ending my life. I knew I was, but I hadn't really thought of all the things it meant. When I was taken to the hospital and asked about going to a facility, I had been all for it. I didn't want to go to school to be stared at, I didn't wanna go home to see my failed attempt. I was taken in a police car, feeling disoriented and like a criminal. When we arrived and I was taken to my room, it all hit me. And then I broke down... And they helped. I learned about my depression and anxiety, I learned how to keep going, and that my problems were not forever. I haven't cut in nearly a year and am happy. I still get feelings of depression, sometimes I have no energy and I'm just down for no reason. But now I have people to help me. I'm a lot better. I'm ready for my senior year. Thank you, RJ, for sharing a bit of your story. I love you. I love you all. ❤

[@TheNotAdam]

+Tavvy Wavvy So glad that you're still here

[@FTME88]

Thank you for this video. I hope it helps many people. My grandpa committed suicide when my dad was 17. I made a promise to myself a very long time ago that no matter how hard it got, no matter how hopeless I felt, that I would never put my dad through that again.. It would haunt me, even from my grave. I'm in a much better place today than I was 5 years ago. Back then I couldn't picture my future. I couldn't picture how amazing it could be. But now that I'm living it, I couldn't picture it any other way.

[@isabellamacias4707]

Honestly RJ, this made me cry. I'm so glad you're better now. I'm sorry you had go through that but this helped me and many other people from watching this video. Thank you so much, I love you.

[@butch.meme91]

Thank you so much for this, RJ. I tried to commit suicide back in 2007 when I was 16 and it sounds stupid but I turned on the radio and who was playing changed my life. They've given me so many friends and experiences and happiness since. That stopped me originally but I had struggled along until about 2011-2014 (20-23). I still hadnt really told people about the thoughts I had been having or the feelings I had been hiding since I was about 10. Everything took a fantastic turn towards the end of 2013 but January 2014 was most definitely my turning point. I was lucky enough to travel to 5 cities around Australia to see this band perform and during those 8 days I dealt with the demons in my head and the shame that came with my same sex attraction. I had come out to myself in the year before but still was harbouring guilt and shame. I started outing myself to others and I finally gave myself my best chance. I finally experienced happiness and I knew from that moment I could never go back. No matter how hard it gets and how bad I feel, I can't go back. I refuse to go back. Some days are better than others but that is never an option.

[@DianaRicciardi14]

I can't thank you enough for making this video, I really can't. I needed this, and your advice has definitely helped me. Thank you for sharing your experience. ❤

[@Louise2670]

First tank you for sharing your story. I have been going through depression for over 6 years before i could do something about it. I felt so bad for so long and didn't know ecatly what started it, but it just got worse and worse. At my lowest i thought of ending it, but I never had the curage to do more than that, I was too afraid. I'm now much better after being to a psychologist for over a year. It was my friend that persuaded me to do it after telling me about it many times and recomended one that one of her friends also had been too. It was so hard to get up and do, it but i'm grateful now. I still don't feel great everyday but now i have the tools to deal with the sad thoughts. I hope anyone going through similar experience is going to be allright.

[@carol629]

RJ, I'm continually impressed by you. I'm not sure what I was expecting from this when I saw the description - I was wondering how you could pull something like this off in your usual (and wonderful) rant style but I'm so glad you did not try that. This was perfect. I have lost two people I loved very much to suicide and I wish stories like this had been available to them before they made their decisions. Maybe it would have made a difference, offered them some hope... I'm glad you found the hope you needed. Be proud of this vlog.

[@catherinewilliams4378]

im 17 years old and i am ACOA (Adult Child Of Alcoholism) i had to grow up much earlier because my parnts weren't the adults i needed as a child and i had to stand up to my biological father and tell him to leave so i can sleep in peace where he and my biological mom weren't screaming at each other at 2am. from there on i became more mature and with that i grew depressed. i never got to play around like the other kids i seen no point in it and being a only child i never got to have that supporting sibling. i never knew what a stable relationship looked like untill i met my first boyfriend. he was everything i can only imagine my boyfriend could be he was kind, caring, and loving. he never yelled at me, raised his hand to me, and never disrespected me. this type of a relationship was new to me. thid is pretty sad to think of because i was 15 when i was with him. but he broke up with me after a month and me not knowing what happened ot even knowing how to diagnose what happened the break up was hard concitering i loved him... i still do, i miss him terribly. since my childhood wasnt that great, i had no friends at the time and my first encounter in a good relationship was gone i seen no point in living. i wasnt that smart so i tried freezing myself to death. it was slow and painful but someone ended up findig me and called the authorities to come pick me up and revive me. i went numb for months after i started doing drugs and partying and never new what direction i wanted to take. fast forward after my high school drop out and half a year off of school. i joined a college to help me finish school. after one year in school with the college i became depressed again because i wasnt really that close with my now best friend and i had no one yet again. last october i was in the prosses of killing myself. and i took pills and hoped for the best. in the prosess after downing 25 pills i started dying and i felt this guilt over what was happening and that cleche my life flashed before my eyes and i mustered the stregth to get help. i'll post a part two aftrr i call a crists line. this is very eye opening to me rn.

[@catherinewilliams4378]

and since my last attempt i relized i was in control. before it was my parents controling everything and making me miserable. i started taking small steps by thinking of the positives in my life and started thinking more of myself and not saying im a peice of shit. the other positive push was @onicion he pretty much yelled at me through his videos telling me what a great life i have by listing off to me " your belly is full of food, a decent comfortable temrature in my house, a cozy bed to sleep in and family who loves me and that if i kill myself im the stupidest person ever because you dont have to worry about food or shelter or clothes. and that your dumb for cutting up a perfectly healthy body' after months of thinking more of myself and puttig self worth into this life and building my new one i come to today, first day at my first actual every other day job at Carls Junior. hey its better than mcdicks (mcdonalds) today is very eye opening and im going to go apologize to my mom for what hell i put her through and that i love her for all shes done thats good. i recon who ever is reading this to keep your head up and keep trucking along. and its okay to cry and break down. but only if you get back up and keep fighting and being brave. my fire under my ass now is those two kids i want to have and give them a better childhood than mine was and a life thats better. find your fire and light it. sure somethings may not go as planed but just keep your eyes on thr prize and be brave never let anyone make you think your worthless, never give up.

[@SimonaOmina]

+Catherine 689 Sending love to you! Stay strong as you are!

[@damarkus3489]

This video is moving and powerful. I want to thank you and Will for your genuine personalities, and never letting the oppositions tell you otherwise. I think you both deserve recognition for causes you support.

[@eeewee5173]

thank you for such a candid look into something that is so hard to talk about. thank you soo much

[@unwashedspud7517]

Thanks for sharing this Rj, I'm going through a lot of issues with my sexuality and people who I thought were friends ditch me because of it, it feels pretty absolutely awful, I tried therapy but I stopped going because I just wasn't confident enough to talk about it. You sharing helped a lot with rethinking my situation so thank you

[@TheNotAdam]

Please try talking about it some more, either with the same therapist or with a new one. I promise it'll help ❤️

[@unwashedspud7517]

+TheNotAdam I'll try, thank you

[@SandyRief2023]

Thank you for this video RJ. I've been what is called "passively suicidal" which means I would most likely not harm myself but if I didn't wake up in the morning I would be fine with that. How I learned to deal with it was by moments. I don't have to get through the day...just the next moment. I have seasonal affective disorder. Winter has many moments :)

[@TheNotAdam]

I guess I'm lucky to live in a place that only has two seasons: sunny and sunnier. Why not join us here in SoCal?

[@SandyRief2023]

+TheNotAdam I may come for a visit someday but I'm kind of attached to the abundance of maple syrup and hockey we have happening up here;) besides California has more people than all of Canada ...that's a LOT of people! Not to mention earthquakes;)

[@IFYOUSEEMERUN1]

thank you r.j. i needed this a lot more than i realized. so thank you.

[@TheNotAdam]

+Tricia :D Stay strong

[@songbird989]

Thank you so much for having posted this! By speaking out you will be helping so many people who feel alone see that they're not. And that makes all the difference in the world!

[@andrewhdemarest]

You and Will are the two people who helped me get over that "hump". At one time I truly wanted to kill myself, and I didn't know if something was going to push me too far, or when. I watched your videos with a passion, and I learned that if I could find that one person who made things better, I wouldn't have to feel like that any more. I am holding strong because of the hope your relationship gives me RJ, and I can never truly repay you two... but I thank you, and I will do my best to stay strong, get past college, and make a life I can be truly be proud of. Thank you Rj and than you Will for every word you spoke that glued me back together and helped me continue on in life.

[@nickwhitehead9177]

Thank you for this video. I'm so happy you didn't decide to go that far. You have had so many amazing things happen now and you help so many people including myself. You and Will are one of the reasons I decided I shouldn't keep my emotions inside and decided to see my school counselor. I now see a therapist and it helps a lot. Also I needed this video today. Going back to school today has obviously sucked and every class I would just zone out and thank about suicide from being misgendered and called the wrong name. It reminded me I have no place where I'm not other than my therapists office. Suicide has been a regular thing for me to think about but I'm too scared to tell anyone, even my therapist. From seeing this I think it's time today to come clean. Thank you so much and I am so glad you never decided to do it.

[@KevOSMusic]

The first time I experienced suicide was my mum's friend. What was heartbreaking because it was her daughter who has down syndrome that found her. This is the experience that I have used to anchor myself if I ever get so depressed that suicide comes to mind. I think of my loved ones and how it would effect them. It took me a while longer to understand how sometimes suicide is all but inevitable for some people. A classmate committed suicide last year. He'd been diagnosed with depression, was receiving treatment and support but unfortunately, found a way to take his life. For those who do die from depression, their lives have made it to a point where seeking death becomes instinctual. Despite this, it is still important to seek help. I doubt he would've lived as long as he did if he hadn't sought help and fortunately, help does work for the majority of us. Depression, like Cancer, is a disease. In many cases it is curable but it also has its victims.

[@RoyboyX]

Thank you RJ for sharing this. I am so glad you didn't do it, because if you had we would not have you to look forward to in our subscription boxes. Because you didn't do it, you are still here to make us laugh and cry and think every week, and challenge us to be better people, whether you're proving an argument wrong, or even playing with Dobby. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts and I know how scary it is. I threw myself into editing a wiki and developing research skills. That was six years ago. Now, I'm the main contributor to that site and I feel confident about myself. Thank you for sharing this again, RJ. But also, thank you for making these videos. You help a lot of people, including me.

[@tenor714]

It takes a lot of courage to be as forthright as you are. Thank you for sharing yourself and your struggles in order to help others!

[@bawonobudiwaskito]

Awesome video RJ! Well I actually had a dark time a few years back, and suicide was definitely in mind back then. It stuck around for some times, too long, actually. What turned the tide around was basically the thing that RJ said, that suicide is a very temporary decision for something that's pretty much temporary, and that I believe that I can achieve something so much bigger and better by staying around and persevere. It is not easy to reached that stage, and even now some days are still a struggle, but the fact that I overcame that at one point in my life really helped me to look back and to be amazed at how strong I was back then, and to inspire myself that I can be so much stronger than that. I hope everyone going through a somewhat dark time in their life gets that they are not alone, and that things will get better. If it is not a happy ending, that it is not the end just yet :)

[@louzerrr]

I relate to this so much. Thank you for posting this; youtubers sharing their experiences is so important to youth who are going through those same experiences. I feel a lot less alone watching this.

[@genevacasebolt44]

The turning point for me was when I listened to "City of Angels" by 30 Seconds to Mars in October 2013. It sounds cheesy but it's true! Their message about believing in yourself and your dreams made me rethink my life, which was a very destructive one at that. It made me feel less alone and as if I had a friend to talk to. That taking my life wasn't the only option. Thank you for sharing your story because we need to keep this conversation going.

[@YunRaysFilms]

I'm 22 years old, and when I was back in high school I was in severe depression, I was rejected by people, I was in the closet, I was afraid that I can't meet my family's expectation, and I thought about ending my life every day. At that time it did feel like suicide is the only option, because I felt like I can never be happy, my family will never accept me as gay, and they won't accept my dream. Now I just moved to LA, the city I've been dreaming to live in, I'm happily out from the closet, and I'm studying something I love, the most important thing is that I'm much happier. Things do get better, and I'm more than happy that I didn't suicide. Thank you for this video it'll help a lot of people, RJ.

[@luckydude2231]

"a Permanent solution to a temporary problem" so so true, that's what i wanted to hear

[@TheNotAdam]

I wish I was the one who had made that up lol

[@5am114]

Thank you making this video R.J. Extremely important message. Love you loads, so so so happy you're alive. You're a beautiful human being.

[@SonnySide21]

When I was 13 I was struggling with a lot of things; keeping my gpa up, balancing dance classes, piano lessons, and scouts. On the inside I felt completely done. I was picked on on the bus and in the hallways because I didn't fit in, I had been dealing with panic attacks and trying to figure out what triggered me to have one. I had cut for about six months by then and I was planning to end it all the following January. Right around June my mom had found out about my cutting and came to me about it. I guess the thing that changed me was the look in my mother's eyes that day. The deep emotional sadness and disappointment just changed me. For a while after that I was apprehensive about quitting but I did anyway. It didn't take a week to fix all my problems, no, stuff like this sticks to you for a while.It's been two years and I have made a complete 180 from where I was. I got rid of the things that made me depressed, got a better outlook on life and am really happy to still be living. I never had real therapy but got some advice online (like this video) and got myself through it. I am currently on a path to become a psychiatrist and help people who where or are in a situation like mine.

[@RaylenX]

I've had suicidal thoughts, but never acted on them, yet I can still see why it's an option. Am still trying to figure out how to deal with my issues (which aren't even that serious), and move on from my current state of merely existing. But thanks for making this video. It's such an important one.

[@patricewaterhouse9716]

Music is the only thing that's ever stopped me from doing anything. I specifically remember (and will never ever forget) how my decision to carry out this permanent act did a total 180 as soon as i heard the song Far Too Young To Die by Panic! At The Disco playing through my car radio. It was a truly life-changing moment for me and almost supernatural... Also, I want to say, RJ... Thank you for staying around. This video made me cry so hard. You have helped me through so many struggles SIMPLY by being a bisexual that makes videos about being bisexual. Most of the time I feel confused or invisible and your videos make me feel seen and confident. SO Thank you for making your videos. Thank you for sticking around. And thank you for being a total role model in my life

[@marksaid6587]

Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences and advices, RJ. Telling you Thank You doesn't even start in showing how appreciative I am of you, and also of Will. Very commendable of you. Big Hug, mate.

[@DragonLightz]

First of all, RJ, thank you so much for having the courage to talk about this issue. For me, I thought about suicide when I was a teenager, growing up Catholic and attending a Catholic school then. My turning point was when I was given the opportunity in Senior High to coach Junior High members of our Speech & Drama club, which went on to win awards in local competitions. I had found my vocation in life. Killing myself was no longer an option because I thought then that if I could not help myself, then maybe I could help others instead, and in doing so, it provided me with a meaning in life. :-)

[@averymccauley3557]

You are such an amazing person and I'm so glad that you're still here. Thank you for this.

[@torreyinwi]

This is one of the few videos that I really liked watching and think will help many people not feel alone. I like the tone, less aggressive and lecturing. It came across very nicely and evenly. Great job!

[@emmafields4132]

Videos like this always have a habit of popping up on your channel when I need to see them the most, and they've helped me through so many tough times and decisions. So, I guess thank you is all I can really say even though it doesn't seem like nearly enough to encompass how grateful I am to you for being one of the reasons why I'm still here x

[@TheNotAdam]

+Emma Fields You want to thank me? Make sure you live the longest, happiest life that you can

[@nmkrios6551]

I wanna hug you so bad right now. This will help so many people, thank you for sharing it RJ.