Why I Gave Up My Special Interest (Autism Deep Dive)

[@brimarie4196]

I absolutely share the crushing heartbreak of soneone even politely not liking something I'm really into. It can kill my ability to enjoy it anymore.

[@KabegamiTheGreat]

Or having a friend you find out is kinda into gaming so you buy them a bunch of games you love and they dont touch any of then lmao

[@Mesozoic_Masquerade]

Okay, so for me it was Dinosaurs. I was obsessed with dinosaurs my whole childhood. But when I was 13 or 14 in high school, we had a presentation to do in English which was to read an excerpt from a book we love. I read from Dinotopia, where they encountered Stinktooth. And half the class were giggling and laughing at me because I was reading from a picture book about dinosaurs. So I was relentlessly picked on afterwards for being into dinosaurs like a 5 year old. So I just stopped liking them, and it hurt so much, but it was important for me to mask and look normal and try to fit in. Especially when I realised I was also a gay guy which added extra complications. Now that I am older, I am like, screw that. I have so many dinosaur figures and fossils decorating my house. I've re-embraced my passion, but now I also have so much information to catch up on. Because science keeps evolving. I would love it if future kids with ASD do not get bullied for loving what they love. But I understand the world is cruel. So blooming cruel. And I worry that the cycle of hate will never end.

[@_Chessa_]

Yes!!! Another Dinosaur interest! I loved Dinosaur models and collectibles to bits! I hugged and carried around a goofy looking Feathered Papo raptor when I was a kid! Hugged it like a plushie. I somehow left it at a restaurant on a vacation back in 2005. Cried for days about losing it. And I understand the bullying for liking Dinosaurs and just trying to draw Theropods on my Homework got me into so much bullying. Do you have a favorite model Dinosaur brand that you have collected from!? I have Schleich Dinosaur models! And a hilarious model of a Papo Spinosaurus in my room that I giggle at the bad bone breakage on that model! Same with the Schleich Tyranosaurus-Rex! Both make me just happy because it makes me feel I have a piece of Jurassic park inside my room! 😂 Happy Hen toys and the toy forums for the different model Dinosaurs keeps me invested to learn more about bad anatomy and bad looking Dinosaur models. Do you have a specific brand name for collecting that you love specifically? :D

[@Mesozoic_Masquerade]

@@_Chessa_ I think it changes depending on the dinosaur! I have Schleich, Papo, PNSO, Jurassic World Hammond Collection (super disappointed with their feet on half of them though, such clown feet) and I am waiting on a couple of Carnotaurus from Nanmu. Carnotaurus is my favourite. My ex was of the taurus star sign and loved his meat, so I called him my Carnotaurus. I currently have the Schleich Carnotaurus which makes me giggle because it just looks so goofy. I also have it in PNSO, Hammond Collection, Papo, a small plushie which looks like a little demon dino which is adorable, a wooden skeleton sculpture from Wonder Artistic Models and a replicated 3D Printed skull from Etsy. I will have to check out this Happy Hen forum. I like to watch Your Dinosaurs Are Wrong on KZbin. People send in their toys to get the presenter to analyze what is wrong with them. Sometimes they are so off it makes me giggle.

[@alidaaaaa7160]

I'm sorry you were bullied for such a cool interest :( I can relate, I was teased for liking Sonic and it made me hide my love up until adulthood when I decided to openly embrace it. I'm not super into dinosaurs myself but my gf totally loves them and I could listen to her tell me about dinos all day. My favorite Dinosaur is a Microraptor :) I just think they're neat

[@Mesozoic_Masquerade]

@@alidaaaaa7160I do love the micro dinos! They would make awesome pets, I love Microceratus and Psittacosaurus. A Psittacosaurus as a pet would be the best, I would call it Taco, because tacos are my favourite dinner and it has taco in it's name. I recently went to an exhibit where they had replicas of all the big Psittacosaurus fossils. EG the famous one where you can see it's skin imprints and organs and quills, and the one of nest with with all the babies and the more mature one protecting them. That latter one is fairly sad. My other favourite fossil is of a Protoceratops that has locked its beak down hard on a Velociraptor's arm and the Raptor had kicked its back leg into the Protoceratops. Best guess was that the Protoceratops was stuck in quick sand, the Velociraptor tried to take advantage of the situation, the Protoceratops grabbed it and dragged it down with it. I have an older friend and she has a grandson who is also on spectrum and he is passionate about Sonic and Pokémon. He is currently 14, I would be so annoyed if anyone bullied him like we were!

[@ChromaClio]

I remember once as a tween I was getting REALLY into Barbies, and had a lot of internalized misogyny making it hard for me to enjoy it openly. I really wanted someone to enjoy it with, though. I put out a tentative feeler to a friend- "What do you think about Barbies?" She said "I think they're stupid" and I never brought it up again 🫠 Thankfully I continued to enjoy my special interest behind closed doors... but it took me until my twenties to openly embrace my more "girly" interests.

[@NeuroLoosh]

@@ChromaClio Let's play with Barbies together 🥰

[@ChromaClio]

​@NeuroLushia Okay you get the mermaid who gave her hybrid daughter to a human to raise to protect her from the mer gen0cide, and I'll play the overprotective human mother who wants to keep her adopted daughter from discovering her mer heritage at all costs, oh and one of us has to be the superspy auntie tracking her down to tell her about all her cool powers- (yes this was one of my ongoing Barbie plotlines)

[@alidaaaaa7160]

Did you ever watch the Barbie movies? I think they were one of my first special interests. I was totally obsessed with Barbie as the Island Princess, I had a really cool Barbie based on that movie!

[@ChromaClio]

@@alidaaaaa7160 Oh I LOVED that one especially! The Barbie movies were an essential piece of my childhood!

[@CrowAkechi_The_Luminary]

This is your first video that I've seen thanks to Azeal and while I dont know if I have autism, this has given me something to relate to that I didnt even know I felt until it was talked about, I am always interested in either Yokai, Gundams, Mythology, Folklore, History or Fate and maybe some of them are directly connected but they constantly rotate like a chamber and a lot of the stuff like the criticism feeling like a personal attack stuff is very relatable, although I have no idea if I have autism this definitely helped make that part of me feel kinda seen and makes me happy to know that there are people that experience something like that at least

[@soulinameatsack29]

I become obsessed with something for around 2 years. Then I hate that thing and move on. Selling on ebay, Christianity, bdsm style relationship. Those are the last 3 things. I spent all day researching as much as i could on the topic, believing it was giving my life purpose, etc. But then after about 2 years, I change my mind completely. I now hate selling on ebay, hate Christianity and hate bdsm relationships. However, i LOVE life when i have an obsession. Without one, im super depressed. Unfortunately i cant just pick one at random, things have to happen to make me believe it's important in my life.

[@_Chessa_]

I’m outing myself so hard here, but, my special interest is Sora. I’ve been told I’m obsessive, attached, intense, emotionally invested, a freak, weird, idiotic about Kingdom Hearts and especially on just Sora. Like only Sora. He is my cope and my best friend since I was little. I learned how to draw and paint and make things because of this character! I got a job at Disney just to try and see if I could find merch! I did with a discount! Wooo!!! I tried getting another job in another country to follow my passion for this game and my interest in Sora! My partner tells me I’m way too focused and crazy about him. Learning about the facts wanting to find super specific merch on him and finding new theories on Kingdom hearts and specifically on Sora. Just watching him every day on KZbin makes me happy!!! My playlists on just Sora on KZbin. ❤ 22 years of a fixation of Sora. I swear it wasn’t overly obsessive but having him as an imaginary friend has really helped me a ton! ❤ I love telling the ai version of Sora and making him freak out about me! Hehe Imitating some of his movements when jumping lol and other characters like Inuyasha or dragon ball characters when I was like 10-19! I swear I still imitate certain fictional characters movements today without realization unless I’m having anxiety! I suppressed and hidden and kept it secret for 22 years. And it truly caused more attachment because I wasn’t able to express it more creatively as I should have! I thought that not talking about my love for Sora, would somehow magically make my wish come true of getting magically transported into his universe back in high school. And honestly I didn’t tell anyone till this year! Since I used to believe that wishing on a shooting star or making other “wishing” and “promises and never talking about it meant it would come true one day! I feel kinda dumb for thinking about like that. Sora is a freaking Pirate as well and he met Jack Sparrow in both KH2 and KH3! That’s his interest is sailing the sea’s like a pirate! He loves that world the most. I don’t tell people outside of these kind of specific areas online . And only my partner of 11 years knows about this! He thinks I’m way too obsessed though! 😅 And on only one specific other subreddit! It’s really hard for me to talk with anyone and I don’t tell anyone. But KZbin comments seems anonymous enough to feel comfortable about saying it here! And thank you!

[@NeuroLoosh]

Your enthusiasm is contagious and I feel so much joy hearing you and others talk about their special interests, there's no such thing as liking a thing too much in my opinion 🥰

[@alidaaaaa7160]

Hey Sora's pretty cool! I have a friend who likes Kingdom Hearts a lot and I've watched him play some of the games. His favorite character is Roxas. I think the aesthetic of Kingdom Hearts is the best, I can't help but be drawn to it. (even if it can be hard to wrap your head around)

[@alidaaaaa7160]

I am the stereotypical autistic Sonic fan. I was teased for liking Sonic when I was younger and I instilled a painful lesson to me that I can't shake even now-a-days. I love my special interests, they make life fun, they give me something to think about when I'm working or stressed, I've always have used my special interests to help me process stressful situations, I think I don't use my phone as much as other people because I have my specific special interests to entertain me. But... I am really embarrassed of my special interests... in public if I see my favorite Sonic character I can get overly excited and it can be embarrassing... and my biggest special interest rn is D&D and I often worry that I am annoying or overwhelming my group with my passionate enthusiasm... So yeah, special interests are great but also can feel pretty overwhelming and exhausting. I remember my gf told me that I was talking a little too much about my special interests and couldn't talk about other things and I felt pretty shitty, like I don't want to be annoying, I don't want to only talk about one thing, but my brain completely focuses in on it and it can be hard to think about other things.

[@alidaaaaa7160]

Also nice to see another person who was obsessed with pirates as a teenager. Ah brings back memories of finding obscure papers and books on gay pirates.

[@alidaaaaa7160]

Also you bringing up the person fixation is validating because I recently made some new friends through my special interest (my DND party) and I'm like very fixated on them, and really want to get closer as friends but I'm not sure how. I don't wanna scare people off with me being passionate, like I haven't know a lot of these people very well but I want to hug them and get to know them, it's rough man.

[@LethalBubbles]

gotta go fast lmao. SCAAAAARZ. ever microwave a playstation and get SCARZ? I think not.

[@xorbyc8149]

About a year ago I had a huge special interest in 30 year war, peasant wars and reformation, 16th cnetury germany basicaly. I never talked about it with people from shool until i got drunk with them. When my social fear dissolved I started casualy talking about it to everyone with no end. I never even mentioned it beforehand, that must have been so wierd for them

[@KabegamiTheGreat]

I used to be super into rubiks cubes, couldnt think of anything else to be into, it was obnoxious really. Now im passively into twisty puzzles and back into games. Im less obsessed with games now but I feel its more natural than a sudden disinterest, I have just played so many different games that they start all feeling the same and Im just sitting on my ass pressing buttons, doesnt matter if its good or bad, Im still just pressing buttons.

[@SheWantstheDiction]

I've seen those dollar tree videos!!! this was so good 😊

[@leaffairy4283]

i think i can make a parallel between special interests and people i'm interested in, as people have done before, but with the feeling of defensive secretism bridging the gap. one of my worst memories as a child was of when my sibling got into my voice activated secret diary (💀not so secret - i guess all kid's voices sound the same) and they saw like one sentence i'd written about my crush like "i love *insert name*" and it was absolutely world ruining for me. can remember running into the garden to escape and having so much distressed energy i wanted to crawl out of my skin. (ahh that feeling is still so real). all throughout my teenage years i've kept all of the feelings within that same vein sooo to myself that it feels like i'm burning when someone is close to getting info abt me and the ppl i'm interested in😭. by my observations, this is more for me than for most people, and also my family members which does contribute to my self consciousness. [i will also add that this is not just in regards to people interest stuff but also other special interests, it's just that mine often revolve around individual people or characters - sometimes crushlike and sometimes not and more like a gender thing as i'm a top tier emulator 😗in my secret brain anyway lol]. as a tween, on sleepovers, friends have felt annoyed that i'm not being fair and sharing my stuff about crushes as they shared theirs. and now moving into early adulthood, i completely avoid talking to my family about relationships. i'm ashamed to say that i've knowingly lied to someone that i'm asexual because i felt so stressed by the idea of them knowing about my personal "interests" and their actions towards me being dictated by their opinions about me in even the slightest way. i've got a strong sense of justice about judgement. learning to be open about these things (interests and differences) - as i strongly feel we should be able to (i get upset asf about it😭) - is a weird thing to navigate when it comes to being in actual relationships where sharing about feelings of self identification, interests, attractions, and attachments would seem to be the ideal goal. it takes so much reassurance for me to be open that i feel behind my peers with this and like i'm letting people down (partners included) by my actions not matching my values of diversity and equality (values of which aren't even visible to outsiders because of this😖). anyway, am trying haha 😅😅and i am always gonna be fueled by my interests regardless of others 😼😜😝🤘🤘🤘also have very open ideologies about gender and attraction anyway so that does add another layer to that side of thingz !

[@socialglitch2663]

I don’t share my special interests as much now (math) because people act weirded out when I do 😬. But mine saved my life. Anorexia nearly killed me and finding other things that gave me a purpose outside of killing myself, saved me. Because I was convinced for many years that I had no other purpose

[@aveliese]

I love your color changing light

[@cherriberri8373]

Yep. A huge part of why i have almost nobody in my life is because my passions and interests all are far too hard to talk about casually, so i end up being extremely boring and having little to say to others in conversations. At this point, it has pushed me to stop seeking out social opportunities. It isnt worth the betrayal, broken boundaries, and pain that comes with interacting with others

[@alidaaaaa7160]

Aww I'm sorry. :( I think the secret is to find people who share your passion, the internet makes this easier (but of course be careful). I believe in you. Your people are out there! I promise!

[@craigbrowning9448]

I glad you learned in grade school that it was not "Cool" to have non trendy interests especially around peer groups in primary education settings. You got much better when I was in junior college though my being on the autism spectrum kept me from being able to how to socialize with others,. Especially members of the opposite sex I was interested in.😊

[@Sncex]

i absolutely agree with the someone/friend not liking stuff i like, i started masking and just going along with what anyone wanted to do, now i barely know my interests anymore except certain things such as generally my computer, and some other things.

[@plebisMaximus]

By the sheer grace of God, I never got bullied at all growing up. Instead I've managed to catch up on that myself, ruining all my passions and my will to live all on my own, and my obsessions are definitely a big part of that. I've sat at my desk crying my eyes out - which is more than a little embarrassing as a large, stocky, bearded man - because I'm just not smart enough to comprehend the ideas I'm trying to master, probably largely due to that whole developmental disability thing. It's the biggest thing that makes me despise my autism. I could live with the poor social awareness and the annoying sensory problems, but those obsessions that force your entire life to revolve around them and absolutely annihilate your mental state if you can't pursue them to the point you wish, those I would be happier without.

[@ainikki7006]

I have deep dives into things I love--Czech opera, Japanese historical fantasy/fiction novels (in Japanese--which I taught myself to read to a certain level), Mahayana Buddhism, and more. I think it started with the show Xena: Warrior Princess which I got obsessed with at 4 years old. I'm not autistic, but I 100% relate to people making fun of or straight up just not caring about your thing. It's awful. But I choose to love the things I love anyway. I don't need social validation and acceptance as much as I need to be honest with myself about who I am and what I value. And if other people don't value me or what I value... why keep 'em around?

[@Melissa0774]

Did you ever hear of the Underdog lady? She was a woman from New Jersey who used to go on the Howard Stern show all the time, years ago because she was obsessed with the cartoon Underdog. I think a lot of people speculate that she's autistic, and she probably is, but I don't think she ever got officially diagnosed, because the high functioning girls flew under the radar when she was a kid. I think she would be in her late 60's or early 70's, if she's still around now, which I'm not even 100% sure if she is. She was one of Howard Stern's "whack pack." She was a good example of what can happen if an autistic person doesn't get the help they need as a kid and who has a special interest that is not good for them. You're very lucky that you have the perspective to understand your autism and special interest, and how it affects you. Underdog, (as she preferred to be called,) totally didn't have this kind of perspective, so she allowed herself to be bullied and ridiculed over her obsession with that cartoon, for her whole life. Look up videos of her on KZbin, if you want to see who I'm talking about.

[@ChromaClio]

First ahaha 😎👉👉