Why I hate sleep.

[@TGD_B]

It is SO HARD to explain to someone that not being able to fall asleep has NOTHING to do with how tired you are! It’s just something my brain should be able to do but can’t do

[@AlexintheGarden]

I always say there's a big difference between being tired and being sleepy. I'm Always tired, but only sleepy when I have things to do and never when I have time to sleep.

[@KarolYuuki]

Being too tired is actually a trigger to my insomnia hahaha

[@centrifugedestroyer2579]

As a teen with intense insomnia I was accused of everything under the sun, but I just couldn't have been insomnia. And me sometimes passing out with the lights on was treated as definate evidence I was up all night. NO! If I was lying in bed or on my couch in my day clothes, with the lights on and stuff all over the floor, that was one of the two or three days of the week I actually slept more than two hours a night.

[@butterknife1066]

I’ve never had chronic insomnia, but there was this one time I got sick, and I was SO tired and miserable but I just could NOT fall asleep. It got to the point where I had been trying to fall asleep for about five hours and I was terrified I would never be able to sleep again. It was apparently just a one off, but I would not wish that on anyone

[@sharnimcheyzer585]

@@AlexintheGarden this is me too and its the most frustrating thing

[@erinc4928]

honestly the boredom that comes with not being able to sleep is one of the most painful experiences ever. particularly when it is quiet i have to have white noise of some kind or i’d have a breakdown even if i’m not in one of my insomnia episodes

[@Dianwhy]

sometimes its more under stimulation than boredom.

[@disgustof-riley]

And that's why people with insomnia smoke weed

[@CaliMel1111]

Look up sleep podcasts or yoga nidra.

[@RainisVibe]

Fucking yes I want to watch videos all night not sleep and hope I'll sleep but nooooooooo you can destroy your health bitch I'd rather destroy my health than turn insane from boredom my mental health is more at risk doing maths or being bored rather than from no sleep at least I don't milk my imagination to death

[@Oakleaf012]

My whole childhood, I would lie awake for hours in the dark telling myself detailed stories until I could fall asleep. No matter how tired I am during the day, I’m always awake at bedtime! I do eventually fall asleep, but it’s rare to have a night where I don’t wake up (or get woken up) multiple times. I’m exhausted all the time, but I was told I can’t possibly have chronic fatigue because “I don’t sleep 18 hours a day” gee thanks! 😂

[@florindalucero3236]

I do the detailed stories too! I keep a "file" in my brain of stories to choose from, and I pick up where I left off.

[@raeannuria5691]

@@florindalucero3236 👍👍

[@riarandomo]

@@florindalucero3236 I tried typing some out as they came to me for a while but it was worst of both worlds - too sleepy to make good writing, and trying to write woke me right up! Sometimes I think having a dictaphone by the bed could be a good way to store the stories, currently I just feel too embarrassed by the sound of my own voice!

[@TGD_B]

Look into “delayed sleep phase syndrome”. I have it and completely relate to what you said

[@rockercaterrorencountered4924]

if you're looking into chronic fatigue syndrome specifically, insomnia is actually a symptom

[@Hingedforest]

I started therapy a year ago and my therapist was very concerned when I told her it can take me several hours to fall asleep each night. Therapy fixed a lot of things but insomnia wasn’t one of them for me. I related very deeply to this video.

[@LaschAvro]

This is the most relatable content I've heard in years. I have had a lifetime of it being so hard to fall asleep that I usually say "I'm going to go and pretend that I know how to sleep." and just lay there quietly for hours.

[@annabellekokocinski]

Same here.

[@rovenwarlock7702]

Jessica: This probably isn't relatable Jessica: *Literally describes my life*

[@FionaStefanie]

Sleeping and not feeling rested when waking up is genuinely the most frustrating thing ever. Especially the fun combination of insomnia and chronic fatigue feels so frustrating. I got trazadone recently which has helped massively with the getting to sleep part, but i still wake up exhausted every single morning, no matter if I sleep 5 hours, or 14 hours. Its both sad and comforting to hear other people talk about this experience, yay for relating, boo for the fact that you relate

[@jennifers5560]

❤

[@Crazed-Sanity]

I don't even remember what it's like to feel rested.

[@dublancdedinde]

that feeling when your alarm clock rings and you feel your body and that headache begging you to lie down, but you still have to get up and endure another day of suffering....... i need rest man i mean come on i'm only 17 but i really feel like i'm 95 years old sometimes

[@FionaStefanie]

@@dublancdedinde it's the worst 😭

[@NiamhMcNemonie]

I've found trazadone helps with getting to sleep too, although I still wake up multiple times during the night.

[@jennifers5560]

❤️My heart goes out to young Jessica. You just obediently went back to your room. I think so many parents don’t understand what their children are going through. They just chalk it up to “being a difficult child” and don’t even think there could be an underlying issue. Hopefully as adults spread awareness about their childhood experiences, current parents will break the cycle of not really listening to their children.❤

[@MrSchimpf]

I do love it when Jessica has a 20 minute rant ready to go about sleep and just everything altogether. 😂 As always, educational AND spicy at the same time.

[@annabelapurva-madhuri4861]

I’m a therapist (and a light/sensitive sleeper myself) and the amount of people I talk to that have problems sleeping is extremely high. Sadly, a very under-discussed subject. Thanks for this vid ❤

[@ChrissiesCorner]

I actually got diagnosed with ADHD last year at the age of 24 & not only did it _finally_ explain a bunch of other stuff, but the fact that it _also_ explained my insomnia & trouble sleeping (that I've had my whole life) has been such a huge surprise & has actually helped more than I thought it would! I also used to just stay awake until I was so tired I'd literally pass out 2 seconds after getting into bed, otherwise I'd lie awake for hours! I was even on sleep medication for a few years & even that didn't help me fall asleep faster, it basically just made me _more_ tired, so I'd just reach that "pass out from tiredness" stage faster. But since being diagnosed with ADHD & actually starting medication, I've been falling asleep more easily than I have in my entire life! I've also noticed I tend to just naturally sleep _less_ too! I used to sleep 12-14 hours _every night_ (because I slept so badly & woke up 10 times, but probs also because of depression), & still feel like I hadn't slept at all & I would be constantly tired. These days however I _very rarely_ sleep more than 7-8 hrs & I've actually noticed that I usually tend to feel better & more "awake" if I sleep 6 hours which is a whole new world for me!

[@CamelliaAoi]

I'm not diagnosed yet but i strongly suspect i have ADHD. Is it a common symptom to have difficulty falling asleep unless you are physically tired and can't stay awake anymore?

[@ChrissiesCorner]

@@CamelliaAoi As Jessica mentioned in the video, it can also be a bunch of other things too, but after checking out most of the other things it might've been - my doctor chalked it up to my ADHD yes. She also said that it's more common of a symptom than people might think since if you have ADHD your brain tends to be in "overdrive" most of the time, so getting it to "shut off" so you can sleep can be really difficult! ♥

[@FGsquared]

Same so much same! Unfortunately it took 38 years until I got my mixed ADHD (but mostly inattentive) diagnosis. My problem is that without meds my brain just never shuts up. xD

[@anaa9245]

You should really try getting at least 7 hours…. Read the book “Why We Sleep”, it talks about Alzheimer’s, cancer, high blood pressure, memory, and all sorts of issues when we don’t get a good amount of rest each night.

[@MereMeerkat]

ADHD here too, and for years now I've fallen asleep fastest if I have a KZbin video of someone talking! It gives me just enough stimulus to get past the "searching for signal" mind-racing thing. A little caffeine can do the trick too, which horrifies most people.

[@sweettea018]

9:36 sleeping in another bed/ another room helps me a LOT. I remmember when I was a teen and had horrible insomnia I would just come out of my room and face plant on the sofa, and I would actually sleep. In moments of desperation I switched to the foot of the bed and I helps too. I actually got told to do this by a doctor, and he said that just continuing to lay there is terrible because it keeps feeding into the cycle of dread (and let's face it, it's literally torture). He told me to get out of my room, read a book, take a shower, and go back to try and sleep when I couldn't take it anymore. Sounds weird, especially when you're already anxious for not getting enough sleep, but it really helps. Another thing I got told and it really helped is to never ever go to bed when your not sleepy, just because you thing you should - even if you were tired all day. ONLY go to bed when you're sleepy, and if you can't sleep go make yourself more tired (at this time, avoiding screens is a must for me though. I can't wake up at 4 am and go play sims because I would never sleep again in my entire life, but reading a comfort book 'till I can't possibly focus anymore helps a lot.)

[@nikkisloan3974]

I'm in the process of getting diagnosed for ADHD but I had DEFINITELY had trouble sleeping as long as I can remember, even playing the sims when sleep just isn't happening, like you! Nowadays I'll put various youtube videos (one's im not particularly interested in but not boring) until my eyes just can't keep themselves open! I'll even do what I call the "eyelid test" where if I try to open my eyes in the most gentle way I can manage and they still open, then I'm not getting to sleep anytime soon, so I may as well do anything else.

[@wanderingthetardis6179]

Not me leaking tears at midnight because I've never felt so seen... I love it when you put things into words that I haven't been able to

[@elzakinde3286]

I have really similar experiences and it is SO nice to finally hear someone say they hate their bed. Being a kid and forced to LAY there through the entire night is the most relatable thing anyone has ever said.

[@bunhelsingslegacy3549]

Yeah I used to get in trouble for reading all night as a kid, but it was so BORING just lying there looking at the ceiling once I stopped worrying about monsters under the bed. And "naptime" in junior kindergarten always confused the heck out of me, it was the worst time of day and we were only there half a day anyways, did anyone EVER fall asleep like we were supposed to? I sure never did. Eventually my parents gave up on trying to MAKE me sleep and just wanted me to make sure I didn't interrupt anyone else's sleep. I'm a lot better at getting to sleep now but it took years of training my brain into a shutdown procedure, I hope you found some solutions. I'm now getting a pretty consistent 6h of sleep a night and not taking too long to get to sleep, no matter when I actually go to bed. I no longer feeling like crap all the time, I'm so glad I now have a job where I don't need an alarm clock most of the time. And if I do have interrupted sleep, I can usually get back to sleep or take a nap by repeating my shutdown procedure.

[@nanetteisontheinternet]

As someone who has insomnia and excessive daytime sleepiness as well as other chronic illnesses and PTSD nightmares, when I saw this video on my feed I was like THATS ME. I’ve tried every recommendation, therapy, drug and supplement out there and luckily I’ve gotten it slightly under control thanks to a sleep and pain study I was in but I’ve had countless nights where I’m dreading being in bed. Though I’m getting to sleep easier, I still have the problem now where I wake up frequently throughout the night, often covered in sweat or softly yelling from a nightmare, and I fall asleep during the day just about every day, often more than once and I hate it, especially because I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my dad and brother and I fall asleep on the couch which is my dad’s bed at night, so we have to battle that every night.

[@jackiemartin7276]

I was today years old when I learned that you can't get melatonin in the UK without a prescription! Here in the U.S. you can get it just about anywhere as a pill, a gummie, a tea, whatever! It really does work but can cause vivid dreaming (so nightmares become way worse).

[@gracebates3336]

Wonder why we don't have it in the UK? You guys can buy it in health food stores?

[@sarajanewebster5321]

@Grace Bates grocery stores, health stores, sometimes gas stations, online, etc here in the US. I’m surprised that it’s prescription-controlled over there. Are there side-effects that they’re concerned with? I know it’s hard to get ibuprofen OTC outside the US as well, for liver damage reasons. Dosages for OTC melatonin are usually way above the studied amount here too which I don’t like haha. I’m surprised to hear that Jessica hasn’t qualified for an rX if it’s actually helped her in the past 🙁

[@gracebates3336]

@@sarajanewebster5321 don't think you and get it on prescription either, as far as I know

[@k_2815]

@@sarajanewebster5321 yeah, there are side effects. If you take it often, your body can become dependent on it. It can also cause you to still be drowsy in the morning (really only the higher doses that for some reason are what's common here). I think there are a few other negatives about which my partner has told me, but I don't remember them offhand. In the US, the amounts in which you can easily buy it are WAY higher than necessary (like, orders of magnitude). The smallest I think we easily found was 3mg, but really 3mcg is plenty (which contributes to some of the problems I listed. I don't know why it's so difficult to get in smaller doses. We had to order it online.)

[@IceNixie0102]

@@k_2815 My psychiatrist specifically wanted me on melatonin because she said you WON"T become dependent on it, or build up resistance.

[@xChristinarawr]

Lifelong insomniac here! I can't remember a single period in my life where I've had an easy time falling asleep. For me it's related to a neurological condition I have, and in my early twenties I saw a neurologist who specializes in sleep, along with my primary neurologist who specializes in my condition, and the two of them were able to chat a bit. Various sleep hygiene tips definitely helped for me, but in the end the biggest game changer has been medication.

[@MsMorganThorne]

I think this is totally relatable, from another person who has had insomnia their whole life. I average 4-5 hours a night, waking up constantly with pain (CRPS/RSD) - until I crash and sleep for 20 hours in a day, unable to keep my eyes open. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep and woke up feeling refreshed, at this point I assume it's never happened. Sleep is a battle I dread every night.

[@ingriddahlstrom7779]

I have exactly the same experience! Terrible insomnia with CRPS/RSD and then I crash and burn into a flare that leaves me sleeping for 24+ hours straight and bedbound. My last crash two weekends ago I slept for 30 hours straight. And today I woke up so tired that I could barely lift my arm or speak, I had to be pushed in a wheelchair.

[@sarahball1683]

Ha! to all that sleep health advice. I read a book on sleep issues that had a wonderful section in it where the author said recommending "sleep hygiene" when someone has full blown insomnia is like trying to fix a cavity with tooth brushing--not going to work at this point... Getting out of bed when you are restless is so helpful, though! It took me so long to break the habit of associating my bed with being awake.

[@MvGirl29]

I don't have insomnia and I love sleep, but I don't like eating and food, because of gastrointestinal illnesses and an ED I dealt with as a teenager. So, I relate to the awkward 'haha, I hate this thing everyone loves.'

[@milrose4113]

I have also had insomnia my entire life and I related to soooo much in this video. The best advice I ever got was that any rest your body gets is good. Focusing on sleep being the goal can be daunting and stressful and make insomnia worse. Approaching it with the idea of just 'I will let my body/brain rest and relax, and if I sleep, I sleep' has helped me feel a lot less exhausted even when I don't sleep. My body just lies there, sometimes in that half asleep mode you described, and gets some level of recovery. As someone with chronic fatigue, this has helped me way more than getting back up (which uses more energy and makes me more tired the next day)

[@OlgasBritishFells]

Watching it now. I disagree. Videos shouldn't always be relatable. I watch a lot of people with experiences I can't relate because I am curious to find out about their experience and get a better understanding. We do relate as human beings though. All of us. (P.S. I really feel for you, I can't imagine what it's like not sleeping long enough. I always need a sleep and naps like your mum. My body and mind properly resets after sleeps and I need it to survive. When my children were babies, this was the hardest time in my life copying on so little sleep. I know it's supposed to be most precious time with your babies but to me the memories are very dark because of the lack of sleep. So I admire you how you can stay positive and still smile. I wouldn't sleep with my dog though.)

[@hi-meraki]

Just wanted to say that i checked out your channel and damn you are fr smart, books and math, i admire you girl

[@OlgasBritishFells]

​@@hi-meraki thank you very much. But Maths channel is only for the kids to helps them with Maths at the age of 10-11, and the Book channel is just a little something I thought of starting. I mostly just do running on the hills geeky videos for running geeks :-)

[@crowlovescore]

The asthma related insomnia was a very bizarre experience for me. Not being able to sleep because I could not breathe properly but only realising it because I could barely sleep.

[@bunhelsingslegacy3549]

I had that as a teenager when my asthma first developed, I'd wake up about ten minutes before I was wheezing and needed the inhaler. Eventually I figured it out adn would just reach for the inhaler when I woke up for no other reason.

[@thayerwilliams905]

I wish it was bizarre for me. 😅 it's not responsible for sleep problems every night, but it sure didn't help me develop good sleep patterns

[@niktour352]

Coughing so much at night I couldn't sleep

[@robinhahnsopran]

I also struggle with insomnia! Have to agree 100000000% with the suggestion you made of getting out of bed after half an hour and doing something else for 20 minutes - giving myself permission to move about and read and listen to chill music was the ONLY sleep-hygiene practice I've ever done that's been any help for me ✨

[@Snowshowslow]

I am quite fortunate sleep-wise although since my concussion I need a LOT more of it, but this is also the only thing that helps me when I can't sleep. Just takes the stress and frustration of it off :)

[@sjbeard2941]

The thing that made the biggest difference to my insomnia was learning to care less. Society makes this massive deal about sleep and its soooo stressful!

[@katwitanruna]

I make up stories in my head but it takes me at least half an hour. Then my bladder wakes me up at two. Wheee!

[@jennifers5560]

Right? Always right when I am fading off, the bladder interrupts!

[@emmynoether9540]

Wheeee 😂😂😂

[@DrAnarchy69]

My bladder ALWAYS wakes me up 😢

[@SanguinaryBlade]

Honestly, this is the most relatable Jessica has ever been. People always seem confused when I express my hate for sleep. I know I need it, and I never get enough of it... And that just makes it worse. I then feel guilty when I can't sleep, then frustrated, then angry, because if I can't get to sleep why am I even wasting time lying in bed? But then it cycles back around to the fact I STILL NEED SLEEP and I'm so exhausted... Then you've the negative association with bed so you start to just hate being in bed. Which does not help. Its a constant vicious cycle. I hate it so much. But it's nice to know I'm not the only one, even as I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

[@JankoWalski-hz3lu]

I developed bed related anxiety when I was told to get up if I can't sleep. It's too difficult, I don't want to, I'm too tired. So when I did get up I would then fall asleep on the desk. I just didn't want to lay down if I have to get up then. The only thing that helps me is the exact opposite of what they told me - NOT associating bed with trying to sleep and distracting myself with my phone (but at least I have a red filter to cancel blue light).

[@SanguinaryBlade]

@@JankoWalski-hz3lu I'm similar in that I listen to podcasts or something on my phone. Something that takes my attention at a low level, so that my mind's usually too distracted to start racing, without being engaging enough I have to stay awake to listen. Not perfect by any means, but works sometimes. Might only take me 45 minutes to get to sleep rather than 2 hours.

[@claudiaelodie]

I've had sleep issues my entire life. I'm a night owl, and used to fall asleep super late and then sleep in for hours as a teen. Now as an adult, I can't fall asleep for hours and wake up far too easily and early. I've tried everything to sleep too. I normally read until my eyes can't focus, but that doesn't always work. This video is more relatable than you think 😂!

[@bunhelsingslegacy3549]

I'm lucky, I managed to figure out a shutdown procedure that usually works for my stupid brain, took a few years to train my body to it though. Nighttime reading is only stuff I've read before so I don't NEED to keep turning pages, and it's familiar material (I've got about a dozen books I cycle through about twice a year or so) and at the end of every chapter I close the book and turn off the light and try to allow sleep to happen, if I get bored, turn on the light and read another chapter.

[@RoselynTate]

Jessie coming in clutch and posting the most relatable videos on the internet -- every time she does videos like this, I'm watching and just internally shouting "i'm not alone!!"

[@Crazed-Sanity]

I identify with absolutely everything in this video! Everything. I honestly don't remember what it's like to feel rested. I want to say how grateful I am for your video on severe ME/CFS from about 7 months ago. I've been struggling with a ton of different health problems since I was about 10 years old, but there's still been a bunch of things that doctors have basically shrugged their shoulders and given up because I'm so complex- I'm not exaggerating when I say my mom figured out everything single diagnosis of mine and then fought for the doctors to do the proper tests and diagnosed me. I've been stalled out for years with a bunch of symptoms that don't quite fit into any of my existing diagnosis- but every single one fits severe ME/CFS dead on and I cried because I had been starting to feel crazy again (which doctors have attempted to pin my _very physical_ problems on mental illness before). I know my PCP didn't intend that, he just hasn't known where to go. I know he'll be willing to check ME/CFS out or refer me to someone who can evaluate me. Sorry, brain fog and lack of sleep makes me ramble, but if you're still reading, thank you for giving me a direction to go in. I was very close to giving up hope.

[@janinaschergaut299]

I've been dealing with bouts of insomnia basically my whole life, on and off. They usually coincide with bouts of depressionn that I've also been dealing with since I was a teenager. I've also tried basically all the things you've mentioned in the video to try and get myself to sleep. I have found that audiobooks really help, especially audiobooks that I already know really well, so I already know the plot and what happens in each chapter. I can't read before bed, because the act of closing the book, putting it away (even just on the nightstand), turning off the light and getting into sleep position wakes me back up, but listening to a narrator tell me a story in a dark bedroom actually works quite well. Also, it stops my head from making up stories and going round and round in circles.

[@julialairaschneeberger]

Can totally relate

[@s.l.o.b4880]

I’m a person with HEDS, MCAS & POTS and your lifelong issues sleep or lack there of is so relatable. This is nearly my same experience, chronic fatigue/ME feels so interconnected to our other struggles with chronic illness, this daily struggle can feel so disheartening, with the only hope to “grow out of it”m, but I’m 32 and nearly no change. If nothing else Thank you for helping me feel seen!

[@Neppy22]

My mother moved recently and we found all our old report cards. My kinder card said I was good at reading/writing, shared alright, and NEVER slept during nap time... I got a sleep study at like 9 because mum was at her wits end and have been diagnosed insomniac since (though how anyone sleeps properly at the hospital sleep place with electrodes on them I don't know). Only plus side is if I have a really bad run my dr will give me the good sleeping tablets that will allow me to fall asleep within 2 hours and stay asleep for up to 6 hours!! It's wonderful. I dread getting resistance to the meds.

[@Louis--]

I strongly identify with the childhood part of your story. The thing that finally broke through my childhood insomnia was a lava lamp which was just unsatisfying enough to keep me invested while I fell asleep.

[@fionafiona1146]

Sounds good, I will certainly remember

[@unnotabelle]

I have never in my life related to anything harder than when Jessica said she now hated Lavender. Have struggled with inherited insomnia my whole life, to the point of breaking down crying on multiple occasions when I just couldn't sleep, and have used so many sleep aids lavender now triggers my migraines. Recently won an ""award"" for worst sleep schedule in my university, and, honestly, after an entire schooling career's worth of 3-4 hour sleeps, I'll lie in bed as long as I'm physically able to thank you very much

[@katewilson9723]

Don't worry Jessica, you are quite relatable, it'd be fine even if you weren't. :D

[@zeusathena26]

We are so much alike. I also am disabled, have suffered from insomnia since I was a child. I also suffer from chronic fatigue. I struggle to fall asleep, & if I wake up, I can't fall back asleep. I sympathize! Thanks for talking about it. I hate when I'm told well just go to sleep. It's not that easy! Thanks!

[@SweetAsCookiePie]

Jessie you're not alone!! I am 31 and have had serious insomnia my entire life (likely comorbid with my ADHD and autism, which was only diagnosed last year). I have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, then once I'm awake I'm awake, and I always wake up at the same time... I sometimes move to the couch in the early hours and doze off again... I do now take melatonin which helps me a lot... I also can't nap

[@centrifugedestroyer2579]

Omg, finally someone that shares my experience. One of my first memories is struggeling with insomnia. It got a lot better in my late teens due to some semi-related meds. I went from only being able to sleep when I passed out from exhaustion to "just" having disorderd sleep and midlevel to mild insomnia. I used to be so sleep deprived that I got mild hallucinations and people thought I had narcolepsy. But also every sleep I get is still rolling a dice between "permantly exhaisted pigeon" and "cocaine bear" levels of energy. Once I'm asleep, you can literally push me off the bed or cut down a tree next to my window. I also suffer under perment social jetlag. Ironically the arctic winter was really helped for some reason. People never understand. No, what works for will not work for me. Yes, I've tried it all, several times. It can fuck up your life soo bad, and nobody ever gets it. What my stupid ADHD / possibly autism brain has put me through, would probably considered a Guantanamo bay-, warcrime- level shit, if it was inflicted on me by another person. Yes, that the society just doesn't allign with me and isn't made for me pours salt in the wound, but even in a fucking utopic incredibly accepting society, my body still fucks me over. And I feel like Sysiphus because every solution I find to a problem I have only works for so long. I can already feel myself running my physical and mental health, that were both already more fragical than normal, into the ground contorting and forcing myself to be a functional human being. And one incredibly frustrating part is that I know full well that I can achieve amazing things some times, I just can't do anything consistently even basic daily tasks. I have always been considered a fighter and fairly high functioning by my family but it's starting to take its toll and everything starts falling apart. But everybody is already busy clutching their own slipping piles. Figuring out how the ones that want to help could help is often an impossible task of its own. I was already born with some less than optimal stuff (misalligned neck, ADHD/autism) and slowly the list keeps growing. I only recently realized that growing up with a controlling, manipulative narcissist grandma so close to me gas fucked me up in many ways. One of which is being deeply uncomfortable with being vulnerable and not in control, trusting people, as well as going to doctors and a messed up relationship with being sick ( she pulled some borderline Munchhausen by proxy shit, and always started panic at the smallest sniffle). Over the years I also realised that I got some mild heart and circulatory issues (intense cramps in one specific body part, tachycardia, migraines). Now around last Christmas, I got Raynaud's syndrome as a late X-mas present... Dealing with Doctors and med bureaucracy has always been a huge struggle and cause for anxiety for me. Having lost my grandpa recently, I am finally (mostly) free from my toxic grandma and have to decided to tackle all of the smaller, approachable issues head on. I'm sooo glad I found your channel, it makes me feel so seen and understood. No joke, I fucking cry like a baby through most videos. And even more importantly, it has inspired me to have the courage to go out there, make appointments and to finally advocate for myself. Sorry for the wall of text and mild trauma dump, I just feel that if someone could understand me, you would be it. Also as a fellow member of the LGBTQIA community it is soooo amazing and encouraging seeing you and your beautiful little family! You will probably never get to reading this, but if you do, I wish you all of the luck and happiness in the world. What you do has such a great impact on so many people, that would feel all alone otherwise!

[@fantasticalfascination]

My mom jokes that she's still waiting for me to sleep through the night 😂 I find that getting up when I can't fall asleep just makes me more tired the next day and doesn't help me get to sleep when I go back to bed, so I just cycle through daydreams and fantasies until either I fall asleep or my alarm goes off.

[@silentlyjudgingyou]

I've found the opposit I feel like I'm stewing in my own frustration so it revs me up

[@fantasticalfascination]

@@silentlyjudgingyou This kind of thing tends to be really individualized, so that doesn't surprise me! I wasn't trying to tell anyone what to do, just saying what I've experienced for myself.

[@silentlyjudgingyou]

@@fantasticalfascination I know I'm just saying that I feel differently. Contributing one of the other possibilities

[@JankoWalski-hz3lu]

I developed bed related anxiety when I was told to get up if I can't sleep. It's too difficult, I don't want to, I'm too tired. So when I did get up I would then fall asleep on the desk. I just didn't want to lay down if I have to get up then. The only thing that helps me is the exact opposite of what they told me - NOT associating bed with trying to sleep and distracting myself with my phone (but at least I have a red filter to cancel blue light).

[@emsquared5981]

1. Sleepy and slightly rambly Jessica is extremely relatable. I love that you are faffing about with a blanket for most of the video. I am often in that headspace. 2. I have struggled with insomnia my entire life as well. The only time I have slept sound as a pound has been the last three months which coincides with chemotherapy for cancer treatment- which I have to say, I do not recommend AT ALL. Sorry I don't have better suggestions 😅

[@connie6545]

I have watched the sun rise on more mornings than I care to admit! I have had insomnia all my life. I have a 15 minute routine that helps me to shut out the day and get ready for sleep. If it works--great! But, if I am NOT asleep within a half an hour, I will take a sleep aid. Otherwise, I get too stressed, which THEN will roll into a night of insomnia! Thanks, Jessica. 😊

[@TriforceLiz]

I've had insomnia and chronic night terrors for my entire life. I spent most of my childhood on four hours of sleep a night, so I totally relate to this. I stopped working just prior to the pandemic because of my chronic health conditions and I decided to experiment with my sleep; I found that if I went to bed when I was actually tired and not at a set time, my sleep improved drastically. Suddenly I was getting the 8-9 hours a night I dreamed of, even with my chronic pain! Here's the catch, my sleep follows a non-24 sleep/wake cycle. I go to bed 45 minutes later every day. I sleep so much better, but I've sacrificed having a normal schedule. I strangely think my body has always had this non-24 hours cycle, but I was just never able to give it that until I didn't have school/work. Not sure what I'll do when I have to go back to work D:

[@omnichrome9784]

When I was a University student, I had insomnia for most of my first year. Truthfully, it probably started in high school, but I just didn’t realize what it was. I wouldn’t be up all night, just most of it. My problem was (and frankly still is) falling asleep. After a while I thought maybe anxiety had something to do with it, so I went to the mental health clinic on campus. They dismissed my problem saying that it was common amongst freshman and did not address my anxiety. They let me know they thought I must not have a problem because I was aware of the possibility and could talk about it. I dealt with insomnia on and off during my years in University. I tried some different strategies but none working consistently. After graduation I got a physically exhausting job and had a period of some years without insomnia, but then started dealing with it again on and off after changing careers to a job requiring me to sit at a desk. For me, I like to read graphic novels or short stories. After I while, when I feel myself nodding off, I can just set aside the mobile devise I am reading on and fall asleep. If I have to get up after I am done reading it negates part of the effect, so I have make sure I don’t have to get up again, after I start reading.

[@rhiannon1833]

SO relatable. i think i was around five the first time I laid awake all night. lbr, I only like sleep now because I started cannabis for pain and indica just so happens to also be better on pain as well as magic on insomnia. one time I woke up at 11 am, it was glorious.

[@zhenia2511]

I was born with inclination towards nightmares. Had some awful nightmare episodes. Very relatable.

[@septemberrose2761]

Preach! I have suffered (and I do mean suffered) with insomnia for years and I could not agree more! God forbid you tell people you have insomnia and they always think they need to give you all their suggestions like you haven’t goggled it all and tried it all over and over. 😂

[@marknugent9851]

5HTP, black out eye mask, white noise machine (deaf people I assume wouldn't get much out of this tip), [oh, and high concentration CBD as and when too] depression meds and strong (a high dose of an anti-anxiety medication) pain meds for my back... that FINALLY did it! Pro-tip: If your laying in bed for more than an hour, get up, do something. Staying in bed will just work you up more and make the chance of sleeping less and less. Did it at 43-years of insomnia issues. That said, still have task switching issues and as a result, I could be asleep now but I am only now thinking about sleep at 2.57am because of the subject of this video. Ohhhh... squirrel!

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

I always love a good Jessica rant on any subject! And this is much more relatable than you may think!

[@ladygoofus]

You're definitely onto something with The Sims! :) I've had insomnia my whole life, too, on and off. It's so funny (and soul-crushing) when people say things like, "I had so much trouble falling asleep last night! It took *twenty minutes*!"

[@conlon4332]

This is so relatable! I also have Chronic Fatigue, and I've also struggled with sleep my whole life! I've always struggled to get to sleep, and also sometimes woken up and not been able to get back to sleep. Not as bad as it sounds like you had it as a kid, but it's always been an issue for me. I also have a mother who loves her sleep and really can't understand. Now, the way my Chronic Fatigue affects me, I feel physically ill, am in pain, and am extremely light-sensitive whenever I get less than 10 hours sleep. Like, I have to cancel all my plans, however important they may be, and lie in my darkened room counting the hours until I might be able to actually sleep again. It really sucks. (I have my room so that it can be completely blacked out from all light, and pitch black even in the daytime.) I also don't really wake up to stuff. Well, I'm often very light-sensitive when I'm sleeping, so light will often wake me up in the most unpleasant way imaginable, and will put me in a terrible mood for the day even if I did get 10 or more hours sleep. But sound? I have slept through two dogs barking loudly in my room, and, on another occasion, the fire alarm going off. I only know about these events because I was told about them afterwards. I have no memory of them. And I've had my hearing tested - it's great, so I don't have the deaf explanation either. My body clock has never worked right. I've always had a tendency to get later, but now I don't seem to be able to stop it. I am currently in a non-routine of getting 2 or more hours later each day, and I can't stop it. It's been going on for months. I have developed a lot of anxiety around sleep and not being able to sleep enough, because it's so debilitating, but obviously the anxiety only makes it _so_ much worse! I long for the days I slept maybe 6 hours, and felt well the next day. Tired sure, but well! I definitely don't have a problem with always waking at the same time - that I don't have. I have the opposite problem, where I'm constantly getting later and going 'round and 'round the clock. I also don't necessarily struggle with staying asleep. Sometimes I wake up and can't get back to sleep, but on the other hand, I have been known to sleep for up to 16 hours. I have been working on having a more positive relationship with my bed. One thing that did really help was changing a lot about it. I moved it to the other side of my room, got a new mattress, probably other stuff I'm forgetting. If I were you, I maybe would try moving to a different bed, if your wife can bare it. It might help to break that association. Also I would definitely say don't lie awake for hours. I've found it can help a lot with sleep quality to wait until you feel like you could sleep to go to bed, but then I get 2+ hours later every day now, so maybe don't listen to me on that. I'm so glad there's someone else who has so much in common with me about this! I can't wait to show my mum, maybe it will help her understand!

[@hcolleen534]

For me, with fibro sapping my energy, the best advice I've gotten is to just give myself not to bother with sleeping, but to just let myself rest in the dark room on my bed. I listen to the Good Omens BBC/Amazon series via headphones and to me, it's relaxing. When I was a kid, I went to bed early, but I also tended to wake up early (between 2-4 am)so I learned early to cook and that it was okay as long as I was quiet. I stopped needing an alarm clock ages ago, though started using one recently as, though I tend to have insomnia chronically, I also have massive fatigue and I want to get out of bed and move my body, too. My main sleep problems now are getting to sleep (because meds, mostly) and non-restorative sleep (another fun type of insomnia tied to fibro and the CFS/ME umbrella of suck). Anyways, I wish for you to have a good patch that lasts a while

[@TheSheebeen]

I get insomnia once a month without fail and yet I'm always surprised to be riding the red wave. I also get painsomnia from nerve damage and fibromyalgia. I literally cannot remember the last time I awoke feeling refreshed. This is too relatable.

[@sturmykins]

Ah yes, the fibro painsomnia.

[@TheSheebeen]

@@sturmykins yup, it sucks

[@katrineknudsen1380]

oh you are not alone AT ALL. As a person with ADHD i have indeed had insomnia for my whole life too. I found this video incredibly relatable! like i experience every single thing you described. thankfully i was prescribed melatonin when i was young which helps a bit.

[@bia220298]

I'm 25 and have had insomnia my whole life too, I have so much trouble getting to sleep, and my body tries to sleep the most possible whenever I actually manage to fall asleep, but if I sleep for too long I wake up way more tired than I the night before... it's an uphill battle for sure

[@bobertpaulbufano4569]

Life long insomniac, depression and anxiety diagnoses since tweens, recently diagnosed with ADHD in early 20s… while I cannot say that my insomnia is as intense and chronic as yours (once went on sleeping medication and, my goodness, that was a wonderful time), I know the feeling of not being able to sleep and then not being able to wake up… Best of luck getting it as sorted as you can!

[@dwalad1n]

I have such mad troubles with sleep and insomnia. I used to find getting up and having some food then going back to bed helped me fall asleep, but that stopped working. A year or so ago I discovered if I'm just laying in bed fir hours, going to the couch I could fall asleep there, but that's stopped working too :( Edit: Jessica's comment about playing sims to fall asleep is genuinely pretty much how I fall asleep. I play crossword on my phone until I can't keep my eyes open anymore because I'm so tired. I think doing something that distracts from stress and the thoughts you're just going over in your head

[@elayshawachter8542]

This is legitimately one of the most relatable videos I've ever seen. I'm about the same age and I've been suffering as long as I can remember-- laying awake at night has practically become my oldest hobby.

[@vreemdear6344]

You basically described my life from birth up until my early twenties. I would often have nights where I just never fell asleep at all and started to hate the sound of a specific bird that chirped early in the morning. I think it was a combination of two things that helped me: 1: I started taking anti anxiety meds and treating my anxiety. I was overthinking everything every night and while you can't tell your brain to "not think X" you can train yourself to think "I'll worry about X another time" and "I'll think about Y instead" 2: I developed a routine of imagining cheesy romance fanfiction in my head. Thinking of original ideas was too exciting, they had to be cliche and I would imagine them from the beginning again each night before thinking of a new scene. Often I would fall asleep before getting there. Falling asleep is a skill. Most people are born knowing how to do it without effort but others like us have to learn how. It's really frustrating listening to natural born sleepers try and give you useless advice like "go to bed earlier" lol

[@patrixias.8417]

This video made me cry! I was diagnosed with cronic insomnia at age 27, and 5 years after it (ofcourse) hasn't improved. It been like this my whole life and theres not really a bettering in sight. But seeing your videos helps me feel less alone in it! I feel like it's so hard to talk about, especially due to the tremendous amount of advice and people thinking insomnia somehow blocks your ability to Google. Thank you for mentioning how annoying this is! I tried all the things and it never worked, and in a weird way it helps to hear you also feel like that, because I always felt so wrong. Videos like this can't cure insomnia, but can help with all the hard things that comes along with it, thank you!💖

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

I have also had insomnia since childhood. My mom says I slept well as an infant and then never again. The rule about bedtime was that I didn't have to sleep, or even have the lights off, I just had to be in bed and quiet. This was fine with me, because I could just read (I'm autistic and I was extremely hyperlexic as a kid). I was also prone to night terrors, so I developed a fear of sleep which still pops up from time to time. Sometimes my brain just goes "don't sleep, you can't sleep, if you sleep you die." I didn't develop Chronic Fatigue Syndrome until my teens, and while it certainly didn't help, it didn't effect my sleep much, and my insomnia didn't seem to effect it either, because even on the rare nights I did sleep, I still woke up tired. I tried melatonin once, and it did knock me out and keep me asleep, but it also gave me the worst night terrors I've ever had, so I don't go near it anymore. I do get occasional sleep paralysis, but I'm one of the lucky few who don't hallucinate when they have it. And I'm currently looking into delayed sleep-wake phase disorder, as my sleep did improve once I stopped trying to follow a normal sleep schedule. I now actually get 8 hours sometimes, it's just that those eight hours are from 8am to 4pm. That's still not all the time, as evidenced by the fact that I'm writing this comment at 1:30 pm, but it's certainly better. It helps that I'm in a long distance relationship with someone on the other side of the world so I have someone to talk to all night. Once we live in the same place I'll see a doctor about fixing my sleep schedule but for now I'm content with it.

[@sElfmadecreations]

Never related to anything as much as this video. Insomnia has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember. Same exact issues you're describing (also tried stalling bedtime by playing the Sims), nothing works. Wish I could nap. Those friends who are able to nap or just fall asleep withoin seconds are miracles to me. Thank you so much for sharing this!

[@andreamassari9099]

I've never been able to sleep properly in my entire life. I'm sorry that so many people have sleep issues as well, but glad to know that it's not just me. ❤

[@clarasayk525]

From the perspective of a clinical psychologist specialising in sleep, a lot of your advise / things you came up with are pretty spot on, esp. the not laying awake in bed part and doing something else that's not too stressful instead.

[@jerrihadding2534]

Oh Jessica! Everything you are describing regarding sleep reflects my experiences. Thank you for so clearly recreating “how it is”! For me, it is terribly difficult to fall asleep due to my chronic pain. I live in Sweden where ANYTHING considered addictive is rigidly controlled. My doctor has decided that I should have access to 30 sleeping pills once every quarter. So ten pills each month. Ten nights out of approximately 30 when I can count on the blessing of sleep. Twenty days and nights each month stumbling in a valiant attempt to function. We who are ill know that our well being FAR TOO OFTEN lies in the hands-and hearts- of “authorities”. PHOOEY! (Imagine me stamping my foot while standing with crossed arms 😊!)

[@amypond7631]

i did not realize how much i needed this video in my life!! its so validating to have someone be able to talk about this on such a big platform. it sucks that you have to have insomnia, but its nice to have representation! im also a person with many chronic illnesses, and i take like four different medicines at night that make you tired. most people (including my mother, who also has insomia) would take ONE of these meds and be knocked out for the night. i take 4-5 of them and can still stay awake the entire night, no exaggeration, even sometimes without intending to. insomnia is the worst. my mom and i talk a lot about how, yeah, we can handle all the other garbage that we have, but being constantly exhausted and still not being able to sleep is the single worst thing. i would give basically anything for good sleep because, according to pretty much every doctor ever, it would help all of my other issues. chronic illness is just rude.

[@justyna2149]

Watched it, ironically, on a night when I had trouble falling asleep 😆 Not sure if I can call myself an insomniac, but all the women in my family have trouble sleeping due to anxiety and stress. For me it comes and goes - but sleep is always the first sign that something not okay is happening and I need to slow down. I am also lucky enough to live in a country where melatonine is sold without prescription and I cannot tell you how many times that saved me. Also utterly shocked to hear how many people invent stories in their heads to fall asleep 🤯 I thought I was weird. I've been doing it ever since I remember and genuinely cannot imagine falling asleep in any other way.

[@mch1811]

This video and all the comments make me feel so much less alone! Chronic insomnia, not being able to nap, sleep paralysis, having a toddler, negative associations with bed/bedroom, sleep anxiety - all very relatable!

[@courtney104]

This is SUCH a relatable video. It feels good to know I’m not alone, but I hate that we have been gifted such a curse! 🥴

[@BastionMarshall]

This is the most relatable video ever. Insomnia and chronic fatigue are a painful combo. I have definitely lay awake wondering if I was being punished for something....

[@ERYN__]

I like that my partner will put a stuffed animal in their space when they wake up before me and leave the bed. I reciprocate. It's just nice not waking up alone. There isn't really a code, like bunny means work, pinecone means bathroom, frog means check chat.

[@ardocon1268]

I have had lifelong insomnia as well. I can get to sleep pretty easily if I am ridiculously exhausted, to the point of strong vertigo and seeing light spots flying in front of my eyes. I can sleep very well then. Anxiety makes it worse. I don't stay asleep well if I'm a normal amount of tired. I also have to engage in some self story telling to calm myself down. I have a hard time getting to bed at a reasonable hour because I'm so tired. It takes me an eternity to brush my teeth. I remember, when I was a small child they had a nap time at some daycare that I was at. They laid out mats for all the kids and they all fell asleep! I laid there for however long this nap was completely unable to fall asleep and in agony from all the thoughts racing in my head and the physical pain of laying while conscious for too long.

[@historianalex]

I was born with chronic insomnia and therapy accompanied with a good sleep app has done shit all. You really are not alone, Jessica. Also, yeah, I've got ADHD, got it right there with the having dealt with insomnia (and nightmares) my whole life. Chronic fatigue comes and goes. Studying with chronic insomnia is exhausting, but everything is, so... You deal with what you've been given in life.

[@jessicawilson1751]

Ugh ADHD and inability to fall asleep sucks! As a kid I would take hours to fall asleep and I'd also tell myself stories in my head. As an adult it's racing thoughts that prevent me from fall asleep, especially if I have something happening the next day that's out of the ordinary... I've driven from the San Francisco Bay Area to Phoenix, AZ (11 hour drive) on only a few hours of sleep because I could NOT fall asleep AND my allergies had me stuffed up so I couldn't freakin' breathe!

[@florindalucero3236]

hard core hearing this! I have MS, and the fatigue is real, and during a bad time has nothing to do with how many zzz's I get, or the quality of my mattress or anything else. It makes achieving what should be the best medicine, sleep, combat.

[@asiatibbitts4265]

I’ve absolutely had insomnia my whole life. The worst is being awake through a whole night when my daughter actually sleeps through the night. It happens so rarely and my body is just there waiting for her to wake up.

[@peachila]

It's so funny you mentioned The Sims. When I have periods of insomnia, what helps me the most is imagining a day in the life of my (farmer) sim. It relaxes me and puts me to sleep faster than normal.

[@ElizabethTheXIX]

Wait I might be dense but why did Jessica say “I did once take melatonin- that was not in this country don’t worry” because you can have melatonin in the uk?

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

Yes, that caught my attention, too!

[@nicolegiles2063]

I listen to audio books when I try and sleep. Books I love and have listened to numerous times. I too have suffered from insomnia since childhood. I wish anyone dealing with insomnia a deep and restful sleep

[@dragonflies6793]

Felt so called out when you said "If you have ADHD, you've probably had insomnia your whole life too"

[@sunnaarnadottir5384]

everything about this is super relatable, although recently I've been listening to audiobooks in the evening and falling asleep listening, it's been helping so much even though when I listen to the exact same books during the day it's energizing and helps me get things done so I don't quite know why it works

[@lmzf23]

Having to go to bed at night, and try to sleep, is the worst part of the entire day, my brain is so active yet I simply cannot rest until my eyes and brain are exhausted, which drains my health. I like going to bed, but I hate wasting 1, 2, 3 hours trying to sleep. I also have to use soft foam ear plugs in bed, to lower my stress. Being able to rest well became hard for me 9 years ago, I wish I could sleep at least 8 hours a night, and uninterrupted.

[@vasylynaburger9889]

Jeez, this is the most relatable content ever! This is sooooo me during the last month when I was so stressed. When I accidentally sleep for 8-10 hours I feel like I've won the sleep lottery.

[@dathaochu7396]

Very relatable content! I have always slept well, but at some point developed insomnia as an adult (granted, mine was a result of bad habits, while yours sounds like it comes from underlying issues). At some point I wasn’t able to sleep for 3 days, and that really wore me out. I was the most anxious, irritable and exhausted person you could ever meet. After a year of this I saw a therapist, who specializes in CBT-I, and got better in 4 sessions, but it was only so fast because my insomnia was caused by bad habits. So sorry to hear you’ve been dealing with this your whole life and people don’t seem to understand the issue…

[@HOHNancy]

You are not alone in this! Yes, you are right about the reasons people couldn’t sleep, which is being elderly; work stress; certain medications; etc. Thank you for another good video! ❤️

[@JankoWalski-hz3lu]

Yeah, for lactose intolerant folks it can definitely help with falling asleep on the toilet xD

[@HOHNancy]

@@JankoWalski-hz3lu Thank you for reminding me…I forgot about that. 😊

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed! 🥰

[@kannakanina6552]

This is THE most relatable video I have EVER seen on KZbin. Seriously. I take HEAVY medications to sleep. Without medication, sleep does not exist for me. It’s been that way for over a decade now, and.. well, thats’s just that. I have to get them from a psychiatrist. Why is sleep considered a psychiatric disorder you say? Fabulous question…. I think it’s because of controlled substance laws. Cheers! 🎉

[@acetrainerlilac4243]

I appreciate you sharing your experience. It’s scarily ready for me to fall asleep (almost anywhere regardless of how tired I am), so it’s interesting to hear the opposite.

[@arajackson]

I feel pretty seen by this video - laying there all night - not to mention the shame of after you finally get to sleep, waking up late, missing the things. Thanks for making this video!

[@netty178]

You know what cured my insomnia, watching your videos! Now, i know this sounds like an insult, but i mean it as quite the opposite! I find your voice so soothing and calming, it seriously calms me and sends me off to sleep when im struggling on night 6 to fall asleep! Im serious. Ive tried soooo many things, and nothing works as well as your voice! I really want to tahnk you for those precious hours of sleep you have given me! I realise, i dont hate "sleep", hate "not sleeping" i.e. knowing im not going to feel refreshed in a few hours while everyone else is in that deep, blissful state from where they wake feeling ready for the new day.

[@colleentrodge1968]

Hi jessica i relate to this video so much! Whats been helpful for me is listening to podcasts that interest me but not enough to keep me awake. I love game of thrones so ive been listening to alt schwift x in a game of thrones abridged, and it helps a ton. I feel so seen, thank you so much!!

[@fayef4198]

I listen to audiobooks I know super well which helps a lot

[@Ins0mn3sia]

OMG. Second comment as this video goes on, and omg..I can't. Don't have any diagnosed Insomnia or anything, but the "you'll grow out of it" is ridiculously relatable. That whole progression of you'll grow out of it, to you're a teen..we don't want to do anything permanent because "important growth period, blah blah" to "you should have grown out of that" to "well, that's not good". That..THAT is relatable. Wild.

[@angelanice]

100% relatable. Especially when you were ranting about all the things people telling you to try, yes I have tried them all!

[@Chlomoetv]

Jessica is like this is super unrelatable then perfectly articulates my exact relationship with sleep.

[@MichaelPhillipsatGreyOwlStudio]

I can so relate to this. Your explanations of chronic fatigue are spot on. I don't hate sleep, but it's so frustrating that it takes so long to get to sleep and then I can literally sleep for 9-10 hours and still wake up exhausted. (And, no, it's not from sleeping too much. That's another thing people always say.) In my case, it's the bedspins and general dizziness from Meniere's Disease that probably causes the constant fatigue.

[@lulumoon3636]

This has made me feel so much better about not being alone with insomnia. I've suffered it all my life too and none of the "sleep hygiene" stuff never helped and so much of that isn't in my control due to where I live (in a flat) so there's always noise upstairs and next door. And I do have a heart problem so put it down to possibly being related to that, but um also on a waiting list for ADHD assessment

[@Thatkaylamarie]

This is the best description of what I have experienced my entire life but can never properly explain

[@the_mycelial_heart]

The most relatable video. I've had insomnia since before I was forming memories. I had a paper route as a kid and teenager and oofa doofa that was bad. Could not fall asleep for Hours and then angry customers when I couldn't pry myself out of bed in time. Highschool I also had undiagnosed learning stuff, so I'd be awake until 1-4am, sometimes all night, doing the bare minimum homework that was for grades (didn't ever get to studying/practice questions), and then be trying to wake up by 6:30 or 7 to deliver newspapers and get to school. I didn't know ambulatory wheelchair users exist back then, but would sometimes dream of one while imagining hauling myself down the sidewalk by pulling on imaginary ropes I envisioned along the sidewalk, counting out "just 10 more steps" over and over until i could finally sit down. Also have had chronic fatigue for at least the majority of my life. Which is just a cruel combo. "Oh! You're perpetually exhausted beyond belief? You know what would make that better? Not being able to sleep, and having it be unrefreshing when you do finally manage to sleep!" I'm mostly the "can't fall asleep" version. But sometimes the "waking up after too few hours and can't fall back asleep" version, usually in times of stress. Last night it was the latter type (after almost a week of decent-ish sleep), so now I'm on KZbin trying to zone myself out into taking a nap (naps are very difficult and rare for me, lolsob). Podcasts and KZbin are the only things that lull me to sleep (apparently ADHD brains need stimulation to fall asleep, so I gave up on the "no screens" rule and just use a blue-light filter). And 10mg of slow-release melatonin and a sleepy antidepressant. But if I get thrown off my regimented routine of teeth, bathroom, meds, last bedtime tasks and podcast, earplugs, eye mask, sleep... then I'm up til the wee hours. And it does nothing for naps. Naps happen sporadically when I have a bad enough headache or my body magically gets sleepy, rather than just exhausted. Oh! That's another cruel thing-being to exhausted to sleep. Whether that's too exhausted to do the routine tasks I want to do before sleep, or just so exhausted I can't get into a good position, or am in too much pain, or whatever, and just lie there in that half-sleep/half-awake haze of nausea. Sleep study came back normal, "except that you took forever to fall asleep," which was not something they offered help for. Thanks. How illuminating. I'm also bedbound with ME/CFS because the doctors kept telling me to walk the fatigue away and exercise more, which I did. Until I couldn't be upright without migraine and nausea and my doctor told me to try going on walks. Which I did. Until I literally could not be upright without being in 10/10 pain and a heartrate of 170. Which is when I gave up on walks. Anyhoo. Truly the most relatable video. Condolences to all other members of the Insomnia Club (meeting at 4:17am).

[@_andrewvia]

Whatever sleep you had before preparing this video, you are as articulate and attractive as ever. But I also find sleep elusive. Thank you for sharing another part of your life with us.

[@angela-thebooknerdess2110]

Oh hi! It's me. I'm the problem it's me. Yep. insomnia is my gig, has always bbeen. I even had a social worker tell me off for not going to sleep, and making problems for my parents. Yeah. And it 05:51 when I write this. Yeah sleep is no friendof mine. Or as my brother put it; " Sleep and you are two people who have never met. " Accurate!

[@mocrafford7916]

UGGGHHH!!! I have been tired every day for so many years-- But the Insomnia KILLS!!!! Thank you for this. It IS relatable.