Why I Still Can’t Make Friends

[@ResilientSurfer]

“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.” - Robin Williams

[@jamespader]

Oh my fucking god Robin Williams never said that he said it as a character in a movie stop putting words into dead people’s mouths you all do it with Marilyn and you continue to do it with Robin it’s utterly disrespectful and just ignorant.

[@rolandojr.antonio6855]

Very true

[@curak76]

You should give Bobcat Goldthwait credit for writing that line. Williams just said it in a movie.

[@DJWOLFLIVE]

Facts

[@jony6185]

That comment hit my spirit..say that again for all the people at the back.Yaassss!!!!😲

[@autumnalfoliage]

I'm nearly 34, no relationship, no close friends, and I really needed to hear this. Thanks for being so open. It's comforting to know there are others going through similar things.

[@mohasalim8649]

Me too , I’m 31

[@DJWOLFLIVE]

Me too even though I’m married for 31 years and at 58, I have no real friends even in the church.

[@holeefuk413]

If your life is going ok then that'ss the important thing

[@Add-]

There are more of us than we realise

[@fdllicks]

This is a common problem in current American society. The NYTimes did some good articles on this a few yrs ago. Try a golf league. Learn bluegrass and find some music circles. Running clubs. Be wary if your wife pushes you away from friendships. A red flag.

[@ainsleyharriott2209]

I feel the challenge is finding quality, non-narcissistic people. Friends who joke about you are a red flag to me. I don’t want friends for the sake of friends unless they will be cool to me and respect my values. I think we are at the height of a narcissism pandemic thanks to social media and modern ”culture”.

[@milosvidic1375]

So true

[@fightsportsworldwide9776]

friends can joke about each other.... I rip on my friends all the time and vice versa, but wouldn't allow an outsider to do so....

[@zalvion7344]

Guys ripping on each other is pretty normal.

[@titsbitchmcgee7502]

Non-narcissistic people don't think it's a big deal if their friends make jokes about them...

[@Valhalla.Studio]

Joking around is all good, banter and ripping into each other its what guys often do (close friends), as long as its in good taste and not genuinely just being dicks, but we can usually tell the difference easily. But you right about the narcissism pandemic, its out of control!

[@justcallmejay3041]

My algorithm has been giving me these videos lately but I'm actually learning that a lot more ppl than I thought are friendless. I thought something was wrong with me for not having close friendships. I have a boyfriend and family so I'm not completely alone but I still yearn for a female bestie. It's just that, at this stage in my life, I haven't met anyone relatable and a lot of the ppl I meet are fake or drama and I don't want that in my life. And oddly, when I was in my 20s, I had like a hundred friends but it was nothing but drama. Knowing that there are a lot of ppl in this situation makes me worry less about my own status, but i acknowledge that we all still need the normalcy of socializing for our mental health.

[@leichin5778]

It's still weird for me tho. I'm 28 now and don't have any close friends. Whener I talk to somebody, they'd always mention some of their friends, depending on the context of the conversation. Even the most "awkward" and anxious people have more friends than I do. Even if I don't have social anxiety anymore. I just don't know what to do. Like I'm really trying to make things work with people... What's even more humiliating is that it's easy to attract men who want to have sex with me, yet still no friends... quite lonely.

[@_gatsby]

he has a wife, and you have a boyfriend.. you are both light years ahead of me.

[@humanengineer812]

Imagine that but also no relationship and no family

[@justcallmejay3041]

@@leichin5778 I learned that you have to talk to people about them (not yourself) to get ppl interested in you. I find this exhausting. And I think that's why it's hard to make friends. Bcuz ppl like us, want to be talked to instead of doing the talking at. So it's like this repetitive circle of wanting relationships but not wanting to initiate. But I think if we just try a little harder we might come up with at least one bestie. Lol.

[@leichin5778]

@@justcallmejay3041 Yes it's true and in fact, I did that all the time when I was younger. Every time I met new people I turned every conversation about them and never talked about myself. So I used to have more "friends" when I was younger. But these people barely knew ANYTHING about me, but many of them loved to have me around. I also attracted a lot of men at that times. Men who wanted to be in a relationship with me. Of course I was aware that the reason they "loved" me, was because I was giving them all the attention in the world. But it made me feel HORRIBLE every time I'd spend time with them. Extremely exhausting, because they wouldn't stop talking. So meanwhile I don't do that anymore, because I learned to respect myself, hence there's less people in my life...

[@bestiary3208]

I have lots of friends, make them easily, and have really deep relationships with some of them, so watching some of your videos was really interesting. A couple of things that struck me: 1. I think you have a really strict distinctions on who is a friend. You have a friend right there on the couch, your dog! But more seriously, do you count your coworkers as friends? Neighbours? People from your hobbies? I know it’s not the same thing as having a real deep connection, but I think once you start to think of them as friends, it makes it easier to open up and ask them to hang out etc. It’s like planting a seed. 2. I think having openness and acceptance is key. But maybe no in the way you think. If you’re looking for a really meaningful relationship right away it might make it really hard to be natural and focus on the other person. Instead, just focus on enjoying the moment with someone, even if it’s superficial at first. Learn to enjoy small talk (it can be done, I used to hate it myself). In my opinion you have to spend quite a lot of time with someone before the conversation turns to deep thoughts. 3. If you just really hate having ”superficial buddies” maybe finding people on the internet and then meeting them in person could be the key. That way you can have deep conversations first and hang out after that, so there’s not as much pressure to ”perform”. You just have to keep inviting them to meet in real life consistently.

[@justcallmejay3041]

Your advice is so kind and positive. I think we friendless folks are extremely judgemental of who comes near. I definitely am. And im working on being mindful of that. I also hate small talk. I almost told a coworker "just keep it real, we don't need to have small talk." But I held my tongue. Glad I endured it bcuz I could've ruined a work relationship lol.

[@milliesaysokboomer]

@@justcallmejay3041 yes that’s what I noticed a lot of people on KZbin who say they don’t have friends are super selective. It’s not really that way for me. In middle and high school I had lots of friends, people were calling me to go out and hang all the time. Even going to toilets they had to call me to go together. Never in a million years I’d think or imagine that I’d be sort of friendless in university. It’s just been so natural and easy to make friends all my life but once I was in uni, which is now, I’m in my final year, literally almost no one calls me out to hang. Except one group of friends, and one other person, but we hang out twice a week and that’s all. I feel like I’m my uni everyone knows each other and it’s sort of like social suicide to not know many people Bc friends of friends would call each other to hang so everyone would kind of have people to hang with all the time. Once in a while besides that group and that one person some random course mate would ask to have lunch or something but compared to other people on campus that I know, I’m sort of like a pariah. Almost everyone I know are hanging out in the city or something each weekend but almost nobody asks me to go with them ever. Granted we don’t have the same interests but it’d be nice to just spend time together or at least be asked. I have five or six close friends but they have all graduated, we can only talk on call or text. There are several reasons I think for this, one is I’m much older than them, idk how they know but almost everyone knows now, secondly, I used to have a group but I once revealed to them I was struggling at a subject and they ditched me after that, and also recently I talked to a coursemate and she revealed to me that a lot of people from my course kind of hate me cause of my political beliefs. I say a lot of right wing things during class cause although I’m a left wing I usually play devils advocate cause I wanna be sure I’m supporting the right side. These people never even took the initiative to get to know me and judged me by what I say in class. One more possible reason is that I stay alone, a lot of people I know who hang out are dorm neighbors or housemates. I’m stuck with dorm mates who are quite nerdy and don’t like to hang out frequently. So yeah been kinda a tough situation for me it’s weird, like I said I never would have thought my life would be like this. Always had friends no matter where I turned

[@justcallmejay3041]

@@milliesaysokboomer awe I feel yah. I try to figure out where I stopped making friends but it only stresses me out to think about that. I just know that it doesn't come to me naturally anymore and I lost that ability somewhere. So with that in mind, I've been trying my best to be inquisitive with ppl bcuz ppl like talking about themselves. The political divide ruined a lot of friendships too unfortunately.

[@gaynorevans5905]

What fabulous advice, from someone who clearly knows how to relate with others in a healthy way 😊

[@jfrancis6191]

High EQ 👍

[@franzjosefmueller-alban509]

I’m an introvert , my best friend is me , I love to be with myself . The beauty of getting older is that you learn that you don’t need others to make you happy . Best to you all , regards

[@selesolikopo2416]

I'm my own friend too and I have accepted that but when I want to go out for cruise or hiking than It comes back that I don't have friends.

[@arenuzzle6282]

till you 60 years old alone at home . and you live till your 90 and at 75 your prawned back shrugged over catching the bus with your walker. going to get a few grocerys because you got little money from pension. you got no one to help when your sick . and the only person you have talked too in 25 years is the bus driver and the checkout person who says hi hows your day and you reply . yeah good thanks. and then you go home. you crumblein deep down depression from lonelyness and pain

[@franzjosefmueller-alban509]

@@arenuzzle6282 Well, I am 58 now .. the secret ? Eat decently ( I’m on Carnivore since 4+ years ) best decision ever !! Plus I exercise on a daily basis , run 34 k / week.. it’s all in your mindset .. Don’t care how long I live, but I’m in far better shape than most my age. And ohhh best you can do against depression ? Exercise !!!!

[@patriciaholloway]

I'm 50 now, three daughters in their 20's. I've been single for many years. I raised my kids as a single parent with no help. It was always just me and them. I was, and still am, 8 hours away from any family. Now it's really complicated because I'm disabled. Can't work, at home all day. I had one guy friend but we've had a falling out and haven't spoken for months because he insulted my daughters. He was always great until this year. He's been awful to me since about February, so I had to cut him out of my life. Disability is isolating. I've had trouble making friends because no one could relate to my situation of being a single parent of 3, and poor to boot. When I did make a friend, they'd want to buy me lunch or something else. I felt they couldn't see me as an equal, just someone to be pitied. The years have taken their toll, hardened me. I don't open up to people now because they use whatever you tell them against you. They blame me for ending up a single parent. I always feel like I'm living on the outside of life looking in. Like everyone knows the secret to it except for me. I've never shared this before. Thank you for sharing your life. I see you and I appreciate you. I wish more men would admit their vulnerable feelings. It's not weak. On the contrary, it takes incredible strength. Be blessed friend 🙏🙌

[@oscarmontesjr2717]

Great Story! Don’t give up! I’m sure you have a great relationship with your daughter. 🙂

[@PenelopeGT]

My " friends " left when I was diagnosed w fibromyalgia & couldn't go out & pay for everyone. I have no friends spend most of my time alone & on youtube & Im glad. Who needs fake people. I like being not bothered. God bless !

[@diabeatit5189]

disability absolutely affects things. im going blind and and people are so self absorbed they cant be bothered to slow down for anyone. Im thankful that i really enjoy my own thoughts and its very difficult to find anyone of any intellectual value now, anyway hahaha. Our kind of strength, others would perish! Solidarity!

[@pmdal]

@@diabeatit5189 hello, can i be your friend? I am from Portugal

[@pearlperlitavenegas2023]

Be careful of scammers

[@oOcitizenOo]

At least you have a loving wife who can support you any time of the day. I do understand relationships and friendship aren't on the same boat, but having a loving person close to you can mean the world to someone. I don't have either a wife or close close friends because of my social anxiety (even though when being at work no one could tell that since i have to and i do wear a mask of a person who's got everything under control and who feels perfectly fine) and that makes me feel sad. Sometimes i think having a buddy who you can spend time with, discuss every possible topic without feeling shy and simply be your true self is not a lot of what you can ask for, yet, as it turns out, meeting that particular person in real life can take months and is actually challenging as hell :( Thnx for your updates!

[@daviddelara7158]

I’m autistic , have depression and anxiety and I hardly ever leave the house - I speak to some people on social media but nobody in real life and it sucks a lot People just say you need to get out and meet new people (they don’t understand that while I want to I can’t because my anxiety is that bad) Thanks for posting these videos I truly appreciate it

[@raafwik]

Its so ^nice^ to see a normal guy struggle with social anxiety and being open about it, much love from scandinavia 👑 So relatble

[@JoshHitti]

Always happy to have people to relate to. Thanks for watching. Cheers

[@ExNihilo634]

Normal guy?

[@AS-pug]

@@ExNihilo634 I think ‘normal’ as in this man fit healthy attractive talks well but still has struggles. Usually you associate such problems with people who are awkward. I can relate so this is good in a way for me to see

[@garrettwilliams1690]

I feel like everybody in Europe is so friendly/comfortable with each other - I am surprised to hear when anybody from there has social anxiety

[@trrc9276]

@@ExNihilo634 yes normal

[@Cherry-kc8dm]

Here I am at home… Halloween weekend alone… watching everyone have fun with their friends…as soon as I start to feel lonely this video pops up on my feed!! Instant follow! I don’t have a significant other… thankfully I just got a kitten and she’s everything!! Seems like it’s a community of us out here who feels the same! Thank you for sharing!!

[@JoshHitti]

It’s always nice to have people to relate with! Also, your kitten will be great company this weekend. Let’s see the best! Cheers

[@prasadpatil742]

@@JoshHitti cat are your best friend to have they give us unconditional love

[@lukephillips7239]

What I've discovered as someone who went from having no friends to a person with some very good friends, I think the most important thing is to spend time and stay consistent with your friends. Friendships are about giving, not getting. It is often that I would rather be alone in the moment , but I hang out with my friends anyway because I know that it's important to stay in touch.

[@MsQuantification]

You can only give so much. MOST people aren’t willing to invest into building a meaningful relationship with you in return. That’s the problem. Bunch-a-flakey people who talk a great game “yeah, we should hang out…” then NEVER follow through. I’m done with that shit.

[@lukephillips7239]

@@MsQuantification it's true, it takes persistence to build a close friendship, and often the only reason you do build that friendship is because you spent time around that person for some reason other than building a friendship (work, club, neighbor, ect.) I think most people do want close friends though, and there are those few who are willing to go out of their way to get some. You just have to be willing to keep setting up hangouts and such, forgive when they can't make it , and they will come around eventually.

[@UnbrandedLifestyle]

It needs to be both mutual and natural not forced

[@dericmederos1514]

but what happens when your friends move and your only interaction with them is via texts and VMs on instagram? Like after awhile you need in person contact

[@Dreamseeker731]

I'm glad I found your channel. I'm 38 and single and my romantic relationships have been few and far between. I also don't have any friends either. Seems like a community of us out here. I listen to my coworkers making all these great plans for the weekend and I mostly spend my free time at home. I have learned that I enjoy solitude and a quiet atmosphere. However It would be nice to have at least a couple of close friends. I have an 18 year old daughter and she's a freshman living on college campus this year. So now it's just me. I've always felt socially awkward. And social situations can make me feel overwhelmed and inadequate. It is comforting to know I'm not alone. It seems there are many people in similar situations.

[@simonpegg1196]

Human love, whether platonic or romantic is never completely unconditional. Only animals are capable of unconditional love and loyalty. I realized this fact when I was as young as 13 years old. Today, at age 40, the ongoing events in the world reiterate my belief. The one rarest of rare deep-hearted connection that I had was at 16 and this person was 19. It was not a fluffy teen affair. But, we both knew that while we would be in each other's hearts forever, it might not be possible to be in each other's lives.

[@ZaddyZavid]

i think it has to do with karma.. we are drawn to people once the karma is resolved they go away. I live in nyc its like revolviing doors with my "friends". In the end i am alone and single living with my obnoxius roomate "friends" and annoying family smdh. wikipedia the concept of "yuan fen".

[@charlottetaylor4471]

You're far from alone 🙂❤️

[@Dreamseeker731]

@sarah lilburn yes that's exactly it. I just find small talk incredibly draining 😪

[@merotheagent1084]

Im just like you. Today was my day off and all i did was spend my free time in the quite atmosphere of my place as i do on all my days off. I've fallen in love with being by myself. Sometimes i wish i had someone to spend the time with but its honestly also liberating to be able to be by myself.

[@xpurpledawn]

Maybe it's not about finding friends, maybe it's about finding true happiness. I guess pretty much everything we do is based on this desire. True happiness you can only find in yourself, best in solitude, and then go ahead and share it with others. I've been really hard on myself for being a loner for a long time...but most people just took my energy and that was it. When I began to understand and feel that I already am complete and able to be happy alone, my best friend came into my life without me having to do anything. Going inward definitely is the right choice! Also quality over quantity, always. Bless you all guys🙏

[@lemostjoyousrenegade]

🎯❗️

[@simonpegg1196]

Xpurple: Happiness is fleeting. I think what actually humans want is contentment. I'm not talking about a lack of ambition here - it's about being satisfied with who you are, who you are with, your core values, belief systems, health and the like.

[@nelly_max]

The older you get, the harder it is to find them. I moved 10 years ago and two of my high school friends stayed in another city. Now I feel terribly lonely. I've been alone all these 10 years, I've tried to communicate with people, but I've never been able to get close to anyone

[@keylanoslokj1806]

Yes after an age everyone goes along with his busy life schedule, kids, family etc

[@patriciaholloway]

@@keylanoslokj1806 yes exactly. I feel age has much to do with it, and all the things that come with it normally.

[@Bigbethie]

Yea I’m unable to get close to people. I’m just not good at that part

[@moryy2893]

I feel the same. Moved a few years ago to be with my partner. But I always feel so lonely and wasn´t able to make real friendships. Even thought about quitting my job etc and moving back .

[@nelly_max]

@@moryy2893 I am very sad that I am not alone with this problem, but somehow we are still alone.

[@kelbycorbin2552]

Man I haven’t had a friend in a few years and I’m 22. Always nice to see someone that I can relate to and hoping we can get through this brother.

[@jasononwenu4531]

I'm so glad to have found this channel because I never thought that I'd find anyone similar to how I feel and operate. I've always felt like an outcast. Thanks Josh for sharing with us your experiences and fostering an open and like-minded community!

[@JoshHitti]

Hey Jason, so happy to hear that you can relate! Also, I saw your comment on therapy/meds. I’m an advocate for doing things that don’t require medication as a first step. If you get therapy and still have some lingering concerns, I would consult with a doctor and check things like T levels, etc. Some people require medication and that’s totally okay as well

[@nataliewilkinson8347]

You are not an outcast. Satan wants you to feel that way. You are a child of God.

[@stellaancimer8505]

@@nataliewilkinson8347 bulshit, it is brain stuff not satan, ect..

[@anitamead5268]

Your not alone Jason. I’ve been a lone wolf all of my life.

[@stellaancimer8505]

@@anitamead5268 like all alone? But do you never miss company?

[@Hassenfeki]

I think all of us are alone in our 30's because we become mature enough to delete some fake friends from our list !

[@jakeryan2425]

Nice to hear this and read the comments. I’m 43, and my best friend is my dog. My parents are both gone unfortunately. I have 2 siblings who I love and am emotionally close with, but we don’t live near one another. I am very much a lone-wolf, and the older I get the more comfortable with that I become. I just lost someone I thought was a true friend of 5 years and I’m still surprised at my age that people can surprise you and turn out not to be who you thought, when I consider myself a good judge of character. I’m happy being an island!

[@claudejackson5590]

Always remember that you are not the only one. I’m 67 years old and I don’t have any friends. I know people but to say that I have friends I don’t. I’m the only child. Growing up was the hardest but after I grew up it didn’t bother me anymore. I got married but I’m divorce. I have 2 children and 3 grandchildren. Hope you continue to do well.

[@Narcissus-q8n]

Josh, watching your video was like watching myself! People might feel bad for those who spend a lot of time alone, but maybe we should feel bad for people who can't be alone with themselves. 😉

[@tiffany34538]

Amen

[@katherinechase3674]

Good point. And the same for needing to be in a romantic relationship at all times-

[@805hiker2]

My neighbor exactly, she can’t stand being alone, always needs a friend around. It got to the point where I had to tell her that I couldn’t be at her house every day if we were going to continue being friends. I actually don’t mind being alone. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.

[@charlottetaylor4471]

Everyone, no matter if you have a lovely partner and lovely friends, needs to have a fairly good amount of time alone for introspection.

[@english_5359]

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” -Blaise Pascal

[@1233-h1]

This is so very very true. Yesterday I stayed in the house all day. Started to go out just from habit and then thought I have everything I need so I sat quietly reading. Then ate a nice dinner, read some more and then lights out. No text, no phone calls. No contact=no conflict. Peace

[@JonJon-co3zj]

This sounds like prison tbh yes but how long does he sit in that room becomes the next thing some of yall really don't know especially if u are not financially stable nobody wants to hang with u especially females, no money no car equals alone time... half the celebrities ppl follow and like wouldn't even listen to their songs if they didn't have money and were not famous on TV... human beings are natural consumers and now they are using amd consuming ppl and their emotions. That's the last chapter for human beings

[@anitamead5268]

Totally understand. I’m 35 and have been married since I was 23 and my husband has been my only friend. I have some work type friends, but I find my alone time valuable and put most of my energy in my marriage. We had our daughter 5 years ago and I became a stay at home and that really solidified that I don’t really need friends. I find my alone time so precious and necessary to me no matter how much I love my little family. I also have had social anxiety most of my life. People are drawn to me for whatever reason, but I find friendships exhausting as far as texting all the time and meeting up often. I see my work friends only on the holidays when we get the kids together.

[@zalvion7344]

I have the opposite problem. 3-4 close nerdy friends. I'm 27 and want to start dating but I feel like there are a lot of roadblocks. I've been getting in shape. "Working on myself" etc but I feel like my lack of experience will be off putting to most people. Not to mention I'm very shy around new people due to social anxiety.

[@anitamead5268]

My brother is in the same boat has about 4 close friends from middle school that he still hangs around (he’s now 24). I think he had a girlfriend once in high school briefly. He’s a very smart, kind and loving guy with lack of experience as well. I still see him as a good catch and know anyone would be lucky to end up with him. I don’t think inexperience is a bad thing it can also mean you haven’t been tainted by sometimes cruel world. Just hoping for the both of you that you find someone that doesn’t take advantage of that and celebrates the newness of life with you.

[@Bayoubebe]

Same, I’m 40 and we have one daughter who is 15 now. I spend all of my free time with hubby and daughter. Lately, I’ve been having feelings about my daughter growing up and she is of course spending more time with friends than me. I’ve been thinking about the friend thing more lately, but I don’t get down on myself like I used to about it.

[@element19ch]

same here just opposite gender. Im the husband loner and I love it to have my free time when our small daughter sleeps. I think if you have a family and you really want to bond with your kids, you don't really have much time for friends. Me and my wife now socialize a bit with other parents because why not. Without a kid, I was a lot lonely and I really wanted to have some good friends. I more or less just fulfilled this with dating women because approaching a girl to go on a date, is 50 times easier than a dude asking to come over to watch a football match lol. Sounds kind of gay/creepy.

[@element19ch]

@@Bayoubebe I think 40 is a good age to start new with friends. I see a lot of people in your age with a similiar situations wanting to socialize. Most 40 year old men dont realy have that much friends.

[@jacobinoAE]

Well this was weird, I found your original video you posted just yesterday, and then saw this today so thought i'd watch... I cant thank you enough for being as open and transparent with the world as you are. In high school I had many friends, but they slowly dissipated as life went on, in college I moved to a different city, and had a hard time making friends, and the ones I did make, weren't friends for long. I am going to be 26 soon and still have very few friends. I often find myself dodging plans we arranged, and lying to them with excuses as to why i can hang. I have learned to enjoy being be myself, and i now know that this is one of the hardest thing someone can do. Just know you are not alone, many people feel the same way you do, know you are perfectly fine were you are. Friends aren't meant to be forced, they're meant to be found.

[@jackscully9275]

I think you’re normal . I don’t have friends and have social anxiety and am most comfortable when Alone. Im married and my husband and my dogs are my best friends and I find myself not wanting to answer phone calls or going shopping and my husband understands because we both do not have friends. We are totally comfortable without friends. I’ve always had social anxiety and felt like I was different and didn’t fit in . As a child I would get over stimulated when we had company and would cry and go isolate myself because that would be comforting and I’m still the same and have accepted the fact that not wanting to conform to what society finds as normal is not a bad thing. Thanks for the video

[@JesusIsLife298]

Thank you for your courage in speaking out about what so many people go through but aren't open about. So validating. I've been an introvert loner type really my whole life, tried to fit into societal boxes and somewhat conform to the toxic patterns of this world. At this point as a 37 year old single mother who is recovering from a lifetime of narcissistic psychological trauma from familial and signifcant other relationships, I am finally free of the oppression. The last couple of years I have gotten to know myself and have realized our world is a toxic place. Many people love drama and fake superficialities of this world. Then there are those of us who actually question things and do the deep dives and we tend to feel alone. Many of us were made to feel selfish and crazy for trying to have natural needs met. The reality is this world is broken, people are selfish, and too many care about what somebody can do for them rather than how they can contribute to the world. I could go on and on but really I just want to thank you again for your boldness and being vulnerable. The world needs more people like you. God bless you

[@theoriginalskinsey]

I recommend you keep making efforts toward making friends. As someone who was once in a place with no friends and a partner who dumped me, the pain of loneliness and no support really made me susceptible to chronic depression and anxiety. It's difficult especially as an adult with social anxiety but people need community.

[@JoshHitti]

Really thankful for insights like this. I agree, community is important

[@karenschrantz2307]

@@JoshHitti Just curious, do you and your wife go to dinner or do anything socially with other couples?

[@JoshHitti]

@@karenschrantz2307 yes, we usually hang out with my wife’s two friends and their husbands at least once a month. However, none of the guys hang out separately

[@iluv2create576]

The "no friends" in this title really caught my attention. I can relate! I have no friends because I have social anxiety and it prevents me from socializing. I stay absorbed in my work all the time which helps. I'm a very creative person which gives me an outlet. Kind of like therapy. I have never tried to initiate friendships due to the social anxiety. I don't mind making idle chatter with people but can not go beyond the acquaintance status. If there was some kind of magic pill to make this go away...I'd take it in a heartbeat. I do have my family close by so I really don't feel lonely....but I would do anything to feel comfortable and relaxed around other people. I'd love to know what that feels like.

[@hutzman7664]

I’m 46, married with a 5 year old and don’t have any meaningful friendships. My wife thinks I’m a little odd but I’m totally comfortable being by myself. I don’t keep in touch with any high school or college friends. I’ve taken multiple trips by myself and loved it. Haven’t seen someone like me so this is great!

[@GUITARTIME2024]

I'm a similar age. One thing is that your kid will wonder why you don't have friends, and it will also lower your wife's respect somewhat. If I were you , I'd force myself to join some kind of men's group that meets sometimes. It's a huge mistake on my part that my kid and wife never sees me with friends. I'm headed to likely divorce.

[@honeybunch6473]

@@GUITARTIME2024 a wife who does not respect your choice to enjoy your own company is being disrespectful herself. No one gets to tell another person how to be.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

@@honeybunch6473 I agree mostly, but I just think wives find it odd if a guy doesn't have one hangout friend. It looks low status.

[@honeybunch6473]

@@GUITARTIME2024 status is not determined by the number of friends you have. Some men put their time and efforts into family. I personally after work don't have much time outside of family. Some people have plenty of "friends" but they are very superficial relationships. Depends on what one thinks gives status to a person. For me that is linked to how someone treats me, how trustworthy they are, how dependable they are, how they parent. Many really mean people have "friends" around them. That makes them popular but not necessarily of high status. Be proud and secure in choices that make you happy - nobody has the right to set that kind of bar for you.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

@@honeybunch6473 you're missing the point to make a broader assertion I never made. If you dont have simply 1 or 2 male friends (acquaintances even) to grab a beer with sometimes and chat about life, it's low value in women's minds. Without exception. Most fellow dudes don't get this. Your dedication to family is great, but there's a piece missing. Women don't think like us. You don't "build credit" with women; they dont get that concept. What they understand is: does my man have social options if I leave him, both on the male friendship side and on the "new girlfriend" side. It's your barometric pressure, and they are born meteorologists. Your family dedication is morally right but its simply seen by her as benefiting YOU as well. Its like saying "wow, our new house has plumbing". It's expected. The curb appeal and neighborhood is what really SOLD it.

[@southernborn1358]

Also-my dad used to tell me-when you are in a friendship, sadly it’s not a 50/50 thing-most of the time, 1 person is giving 100%. You have to reach out, call ppl, try to make friends-bring your wife too! I attended a grief support group after moving up to NWA, and the most helpful part was being in a group of ppl going through the same things.

[@architect1974]

I stumbled through videos - you are a quite an inspiring man. Although i don't share the same struggle, having friends in my life is non-negotiable. My wife and I have an agreement thats once a week, one weekend a season and one week a year, i am spending time with my best friends. they have become my family and being emotionally intimate with them has helped heal a lot of social wounds i struggled with in my younger years. I admire your candor and you have my full support afar.

[@Morale_Booster]

I did not have friends for years, aside from my boyfriend at the time and long-distance childhood best friend. I had crippling social anxiety that came from a core belief that I was bad/wrong, that I made others feel uncomfortable, unworthy of love. I still struggle with shame, and I have to do inner work daily, however in the past year I have made significant progress in the area of self worth, and as a result I have been making more friends! For the first time I feel excited to connect with others and let them in. I've learned that for those of us with relational trauma, emotional vulnerability is a skill that we hone, and it's not easy. You've got to be ready to do it, and that cannot be forced. Allow yourself to be exactly where you're at, and trust that when you are ready to make friends, it'll happen 💗

[@allyson--]

I'm happy to hear you have found inner work to be useful. Shame is a huge hindrance for me & I think the more people talk about it or recognize its force, the better we can cope with it

[@3hendels]

I am 31 years old; aside from having no close friends, I have no close family. I have my partner and my dogs. I have always been a solitary individual since I’ve had a loss in my family very early in my adolescence. I tend to feel down about it, sometimes..during some weekends or during festive dates. I am constantly trying, failing and improving at friendship, which is ok. Every once in a while I see a video post you make on my feed, I watch & I’m uplifted. Thank you!

[@tessadunn8572]

i’m 22 and have no friends. i’ve actually been less lonely since i decided to accept not putting energy into making or keeping friends a little over a year and a half ago. it was so painful and lonely before to constantly feel like i was never doing well or enough socially & never mattered enough to others. it went on for years. it was hard up until recently at an age where everyone is celebrating 21sts and i see people i used to know on social media being so social and enjoying their youth with others. i found out recently that i’m autistic which was a relief because my challenges were out of my control & now i can accept that. i am very grateful for my little dog, i couldn’t of got through such dark times without her. she’s always been on my side. i say i have have no friends but i do have a best friend, my dog lily

[@bendashin]

I agree, I have accepted that I have very minimal close friends and try and work on my inner health, mentally and physically. Plus, I have a beautiful partner and dog, life is short, so it is valuing this so much. Thanks again for sharing this very common topic that no-one really talks about. Loving the comments and makes me feel normal.

[@patriciaholloway]

Gratitude is the key to everything in life I have found. When you have a grateful heart no matter your circumstances, life looks different, rather sunny... with a chance of joy. I've had to work on it. I've been alone many years, single mother of 3 , on disability for a back condition. I live on peanuts and believe me, it's tough. But it makes me love even more the good stuff.... like a hawk soaring in a blue sky, or a bill paid in full, a good deal at a thrift store. Small things get big attention in my world 😅

[@southernborn1358]

I commented on an earlier video of yours. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I’m a 57 year old widow, lost my husband 8 months ago. I can tell you that I have 2 or 3 true friends. I’ll say the same thing I used to tell my daughter about dating-look at the inside of people. Try not to pre-judge people, if you do. I mean, talk to ppl who may not have been, at first glance, a friend. Focus on finding ppl with common interests and traits. My husband also felt this way in his 20’s-30’s. He had to step out of his comfort zone to connect with people on a friend level, and ended up building 2 friends he had until he died. I’ll try to think of more. You are a person who has worth and lots to offer.

[@oscarmontesjr2717]

Oh brother believe me when I tell you that Solitude has been a blessing in disguise for me. I got to learn about myself and my inner conflicts that I believe many people seeking friends are struggling with. I’m from Chicago and moved to Japan and S. Korea for over 6 years. Met people from every country you can imagine and I can honestly say that 80% of people are not worth meeting. For the past 2 years I’ve been a complete anti social and now I find myself always wanting to be alone. I enjoy my alone time because I can talk kind words to myself, I can be creative, I make myself laugh and I can focus on my business. All I recommend is go Inward and ask yourself what are you looking for? Sometime your just looking for yourself!

[@patriciaholloway]

Yes. I can't get enough alone time. I make myself laugh. It's a beautiful thing, to find that you really do enjoy your own company. And I know I can trust me, I'm safe with me.

[@ChrisAlta]

Currently 33 going on 34. Relate a lot to this video so thank you for sharing. For me it's not even about being socially awkward, or even self conscious, I just realize no that we all have different paths. Having moved around a lot in my 20's, all of the friends I've made are all spread out. While we're able to stay connected through social media, it isn't the same as in-person. The friends I also do/did have also have either extreme political affiliations and lean hard one way or the other in their day to day lives that it makes meeting up exhausting. So much so that I've distanced myself all together. Other friends have started families and/or are on the brink of doing so. I think the quality of our friendships comes from a continuous effort but it has to be from both sides. Also, the different stages and unique paces of our lives play a factor in how these friendships evolve or dissolve. At this point, I love everyone that's been a part of my journey for what they brought to me and hopefully they feel the same for what I brought to them - good and bad. Ultimately, we bring ourselves wherever we go. It seems as though you have some sense of peace being by yourself but I'll remind you that you aren't by yourself as you have your wife and daughter. For any other single dudes out there in their 20's,30's, 40's and beyond - make the effort to maintain those friendships you do have but most importantly always be a friend to yourself.

[@balloon_qiqiu]

Your video came in. I'm 49, watching this from Singapore. I realised I never have a friend my whole life. So, I cleaned up friend department before Apr, discharged myself to be someone in a "friend" as life. Life is simple since, I'm living my life now. No more opinions, suggestions, comments, ideas,..... I'm enjoying my pace, peace and quietness. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. 🙏

[@michaelcobb1446]

Thank you so much Josh. It is a relief to hear a man in his 30’s talking openly about mental health. I hear your story, and it has made me want to tackle some deeper issues I’m having in my own life. My situation is not the same as yours, but the way you share your truth gives me the strength to be more vulnerable in my own life. Thanks brother.

[@Linny-m7m]

Its not easy being a sensitive person in this world. We over think everything! And can be so critical to who we are, act, how other people see us. I am not doing that any longer, i just dont Care!!! I just care about being kind to others. Nothing else 👍🥰

[@JoshHitti]

So true! Sometimes it’s more positive to focus on kindness than anything else. Cheers

[@donnaparks1919]

Ya I agree with but there's some that don't feel so we can give ourselves credit for that.

[@claudiacanales2662]

What a good way to put it…not caring except being kind

[@Linny-m7m]

@@claudiacanales2662And when you stop focus about ALL the negative stuff both inside of you and around you, it gives you more positive energy both for yourself and this world! It so much more fun to live a life when you feel better inside. I wish i understood this long ago, it would have saved me from so much pain. And i could have done more good stuff..... But its never to late 😃💛

[@janetmiller2980]

After numerous bad experiences living in an area where the majority have different values than I, I gave up on that aspect of my life. I’m 55 and still feel like the outsider and wish I had one or two close friends. There are a few people I enjoy talking to on the job, but no one close. Part of me wants to be part of a group,’part of me doesn’t, which makes forming connections more difficult. Pets and activities that don’t require a partner can bring joy to life. I find long walks and qi gong meditation (which can be found here on KZbin) very relaxing. Hey I work odd shifts and need to get a few z’s. Will listen later to the whole video. I hope you find a path to contentment in your life, whether you make a few friends or not. Enjoy your little dog there! He’s adorable!

[@Add-]

You videos have pushed me to put my story out there, I feel that there is to much 'gloss' on life and sometimes not enough truth, struggles are real, and we fight so many things a long the way.. I just wish more people would be more supportive of the world.. but I guess its easy to judge people for not being what society says they should be.

[@dmuzik3740]

Thanks for sharing this, I’ve been basically alone for a year now and I’m currently 26. I find peace in it and it’s tough to just makes friends especially with how social media is supporting this idea of being superficial as a person in general, is a good thing. I don’t think it is, but again thank you for sharing and it’s good to know I’m not alone in this lol

[@A-Smith]

Hi Josh, new subscriber and I've been watching a lot of your vids the last few days and I fully relate to your experiences and am in a similar situation though I'm 47 and I can honestly say I'm now 100% happy not having friends and just having my partner for the last 15 years who only has one true friend themselves. At 34 I was probably more anxious about having no close friends, other than a few work colleagues who I got on well with. From watching your last couple of videos, I get the impression you becoming content and accepting of who you are and you should now just embrace solitude, enjoy life and just do what makes you the most comfortable, if that means doing things by yourself or with your partner, then go for it. Take care buddy

[@bradfranklin-j66co]

Thanks so much for sharing. I can relate to the topic on many levels. Tbh at the end it brought a bit of a tear. I’m totally comfortable being alone without friends but I also know I isolate because of issues related to a clinical mood disorder (bipolar depression). It’s just easier to not have people in my life many times; the times I’ve tried I usually am not accepted as I am (bp depression interrupts momentum). I just don’t really see that I’m missing out on too much. Obviously it’s more complicated that this but one thing I do know. There is nothing wrong with individuals who prefer to spend time with just themselves. It’s a positive in the sense of being comfortable within one’s own skin, enjoying one’s own company.

[@wwedude131]

Its kinda messed up to say but hearing that someone is struggling in a lot of the same ways as me is very helpful mentally. Makes me feel less crazy and like less of a loser. Thanks for making these.

[@JoshHitti]

Definitely not a loser for struggling, you’re a human. It takes a lot of strength to admit that

[@michaelconnolly7681]

Hello there from Ireland 🇮🇪. You seem like a really intuitive and courageous person. There are so many people that feel like way, especially with the drifting that you talked about, but there are very few people that has the courage to talk about it. Sometimes I 'need' to be alone to recharge myself. I feel its important to enjoy your own company and to realise that you are 'enough'. Don't be hard on yourself. When you are talking to yourself, be kind to yourself. I found meditation helps me in my life. Also, KZbin channels like Einzelgänger, I really love. They have very practical advice about life. I read somewhere thst 22percent of men don't have any real friends. It could be more. If there is anything I learned in life is to take each day as it comes and not to look too far ahead. It creates anxiety. All we have is today. Best wishes always. Be kind to yourself.

[@JoshHitti]

The 22% stat is wild, but I definitely believe it. I’ll check the YT reco out as well. Thanks for the thoughtful comment

[@22steps]

Came across your first video a while back and watched out of curiosity mostly, then next thing I knew I was relating to a lot of what you said. I know you stress a lot that you enjoy spending time to yourself. I feel the same, however, I feel like the more we do that, little by little, it gets us used to that feeling and at the same rate may contribute to more anxiety rather than alleviate it. One thing I thought of at the beginning of the video today was your comment about remote work. I have been working remotely full-time for the past 2-1/2 years. While it absolutely has its advantages, I have found it has had a negative impact on my life also. I’m not an overly social person. I enjoy my friends, but I’d say I’m more of an extroverted-introvert. If I were to be sociable I always felt like I needed at least an equal amount of time to myself to ‘recharge’. Being home all day every day takes me to a place of sadness and, honestly, darkness at times. I try to at least leave home in the evenings just to get out. I go for walks, go spend time in nature, both of which I also like to do alone. I do feel it recharges me and is definitely good for the soul. I suppose my point is we get comfortable in a place and don’t even realize it. It’s certainly more peaceful to be alone, but getting used to it can take us to places mentally, even physically, that are unhealthy. I do have a few close friends, but I’m also a single parent so it makes it difficult to even be able to make plans to spend time with any of them. Thank you for sharing your experiences like you do. I think a lot of what you have to say is much more relatable than you think. You mentioned I believe at one point how it is a red flag if you meet a man (in my case) who has no friends. Hearing what you have had to say gave me a completely different perspective. Yes, it can absolutely be a red flag, but it could also be someone in a similar situation as you. Also, I don’t have childhood friends as you had mentioned previously. I do envy people at times who do. We moved around a lot when I was young because my dad was in the military so it was difficult to maintain those friendships, and most certainly back in the day when you either had to use a phone or mail a letter! I think the meet and greet would be a great idea at some point! Who knows, maybe that’s why you were inspired to do the first video. I believe things happen for reasons in our lives and we are divinely guided by our intuition. A meet and greet, maybe something more like a social mixer, could help a lot of people in similar situations with similar feelings actually feel somewhat comfortable meeting people just.like.them! They’d all certainly be able to relate to one another in that way from the get-go. Positive thoughts being sent to you. I think you’ve started something here. 😉 ✨

[@karinaestrada6802]

Hi Josh, i recently found you a few days ago. And so glad I did-I came from your first vid and since have watched most of your videos. We’re the same age, I recently turned 34 and am happily married, but I have found myself in a friendless rut, and maybe KZbin somehow knew(?). I totally get having my cup filled with my husband and love my me time, but recently I’ve been feeling most that you talk about. I’m an engineer so most my cohort are men, and most are younger or much older than myself (not many in their 30s) which makes it harder to connect with coworkers. While I do have some social anxiety- I don’t have the anxiety that you have expressed - but do love being alone or with my husband, I’ve been needing platonic connection. I have two close friends in California which is where I’m from (I’ve been living in Hawaii for over 6yrs), and the kind I can pick up like no time has passed, but it’s difficult to maintain active communication or go out for drinks or a hike, etc. I can talk and carry a conversation and have really good social skills, and in all honesty, the way I look generally helps which I’m sure is the same for you. I think my problem is that I generally find people annoying or fake, and it’s hard to find people who are more like minded, and even harder to keep a connection with any that I do find. I have been feeling terribly lonely. I started a leadership book club with a coworker, while I wouldn’t call them FRIENDS, they help fill me up (on our meet ups) due to the deep & thoughtful conversations we have. Anyway, I’m just ranting, I appreciate your videos, they definitely help. More in common: my condolences to your wife, I too lost a brother (when I was 21) and while still very hard it gets better with time as they say. I understand that the way her brother died adds layers of complexity to how she is experiencing his death, but I hope she continues to search for peace. Thank you.

[@BluesFanUK_]

33 in Dec and same boat. Drifted away from friends after school, made some rash choices in college, drifted away from others after I left - alone since. In an effort to look 'normal' over the past year i've severely damaged my appearance (long story) so i've become even more of a recluse. Depression is horrible but these candid videos help.

[@FutureTechPilot]

Thanks for making this video. Those same thoughts bother me frequently and I find my day-to-day life much more difficult than it appears for others. Thanks for trying to talk through it, I think your videos will help me moving forward.

[@petercousineau]

Just came across your 1st video about being 32 and not having friends. In that video, you mentioned feeling like the friends you did have would hang out with you out of pity. I just wanted to comment and say that I too felt like that for most of my adult life, and I’ve never come across another person who said this until I watched you. I’m 49 now, and don’t have those feelings, but also my friend list is pretty much just 1 or 2 .

[@bro_chacho]

Hi Josh, we (your subs) thank you and Emily for opening up to us. I personally just enjoy listening to you navigate through any trials you encounter. It is inspiring. Please keep it up...maybe a 'meet and greet' one day??? Just kidding.

[@JoshHitti]

Thank you, man! Haha you never know. I know a YT channel did something similar that I follow and it turned out great.

[@wordsofjames]

Brother...41 no friends here. Some acquaintances but no meaningful friendships just yet. It is an odd feeling because I had close friends until about 25 and then moved and ended up none. Not unhappy about it but I am acutely aware of the loneliness that can follow especially when men get to the elderly years. Something I think about frequently.

[@JoshHitti]

The worst part of moving is losing friendships. It’s really hard to maintain them with distance in the way. Cheers

[@wordsofjames]

@@JoshHitti it really is. Hardest part for me is also not being willing to stomach superficial friendships. Feels like a waste of time and energy, but it is what most adults prefer. Hard to break into the inner circle of most people, surface level seems to be all most people want. It is tiresome.

[@patriciaholloway]

@@wordsofjames 💯 agree!!! People are superficial and keep everything surface level. I'm not fake in any way, so I refuse to engage in that. I think it's weird that anyone would want that instead of real meaningful connection and conversation. Jonathon Aslay talks about this on his channel, which is primarily aimed at middle aged folks looking for genuine companionship.

[@Mr.Shadow090]

@FF cheers 🍻

[@rebeccadavenport6103]

It is so hard to truly find good-quality people. I am the same age and I only have a couple of true friends who I have known since school, but they have their own lives so I rarely see them. Being a single mother too makes things a lot harder. I also catch myself seeing groups of friends and getting a sad feeling, like am I boring? Am I not worthy of having friends etc? Thank you for posting this and being transparent!

[@OceanIgs]

Hi Josh! I'm experiencing just like you except I'm single and nearly 24 with no friends. I have older siblings who compensate for my lack of friends so that helps me not seek friends that often. Until there comes a point where I see a group of friends in college or work is where I start to wonder where I went wrong. Even I'm anxious to start dating but I had platonic friendships with girls before in the past. Like you, I flip flop a lot where I'm completely fine being alone, then I feel depressed not having anybody to talk to only myself through journaling and I'm on my third journaling book. I've been journaling since elementary but wasn't active until middle school. I think some anxiety can stem around how you're raised by your parents. My parents fought every day which I think it may play a part in why I'm very selective with friends like there's a piece missing. I also suspect that I have attachment issues because of the lack of parental emotional support growing up which I think is part of the reason why it's not easy for me to make and sustain friendships. Overall, I'm doing well so far and I don't mind seeking friends. Take care ❤️

[@teacheruby]

I just watched both videos and want to encourage you to find a church if you believe in God? I didn't have friends for years and completely understand how it impacts your mental health. I tried so hard and even tried forcing friendships with people I knew were not good for me, etc. But after getting involved at church that offers different groups for singles, women, etc. Big churches have a lot of groups and you'd be surprised to find how many people are in the same situation (looking for real friendships.) I was so grateful for each and every friend I made and thankfully I feel they were worth the wait! **I also used to get sad and even cry when I would see groups of girls hanging out and belonging to a group. I UNDERSTAND YOU. God bless you! Please keep us updated.

[@nina-111]

I'm 32, introvert, have anxiety, am single and have no friends. Had friends in grade school, but that started to change in middle school through adulthood. Always felt like an outsider and hard to trust people to open up. I also work remote so don't know any of my coworkers. Now I feel comfortable alone, but would be nice to have some friends 😢

[@JolieUTU]

Same.🙂

[@Zukaarimoto]

I’m 32 as well, introverted, single and I do have some anxiety as well. I have like 3 friends that I consider really close friends. But I have my down days where it gets kind of lonely. I guess this is part of getting older.

[@ZanoniSnowflake963]

Just read your about section. We started our channels in psych ward (well one vid 3 yrs previous) & other 2 in year after so that we could witness ourselves, as there's many of us in this 1 body, & we have a deaf blind & dumb internal processing model. This means we could learn about us our ways & language etc. & find a way to coconsciousness. While offering a live real time reality raw organic documentary for others to witness our process as we learnt a lot about us & how to grow & do self awareness through asking people their process previously. Surprising knida how many don't know their process or even what we were asking. We also have no friends or family communications & been house bound mostly for 6 years so youre not alone in your ways. Know ours is different but similar. Sending virtual love & support to you on your self awareness growing journeying. Xxx

[@tbo2120]

Really felt this one, out of all your videos this one resonates the most. Thanks for sharing. Would love to hear more updates I believe you’re helping people and possibly yourself more than you know. Thanks. Have a good weekend 👍🏼

[@JoshHitti]

Hey - thank you for the kind words and I’m really happy to hear you related to this one most. Cheers

[@MoniiChanTheUnicorn]

I am similar to you, an introvert, but was in this situation and glad to say this has now changed :) I accidentally came up with a formula that I think will help remove the 'emotional' side of things for those struggling. I will preface this by saying I think it is easier to make friendships as a female so my heart goes out to you fellas but hopefully this advice will help, this is long so the last piece of advice is the most effective so skip to that if you CBA but these are the steps I took in order: So how to go from NO friends to SOME friends? Be very conscious about it, which means sometimes it feels more like a chore than something you enjoy. I used Bumble BFF (male friends have told me there's practically no guys on there so this advice is better for women). What I liked is you can be very selective and explicit about what you want/like in a friend (so I explicitly put on my profile that I didn't really drink and was looking for similar friends for example). Also the people on there are explicitly also looking for friends, so you are more likely to find equal effort rather than feeling down by maybe meeting someone you like but then feeling like you're bothering them/it's all on you. Second piece of advice: Once you've met a couple people ORGANISE THINGS. Push through your anxieties and organise some outings. Become more and more comfortable with rejection and stop looking so deeply into it. Become more open-minded about WHO you classify as a friend and less judgemental. Accept that there are different kinds of friends and that's okay, they serve different purposes, doesn't make them less valuable! For example I only have 1 close high-quality friendship, but then I have friends who are local to me (so we can do spontaneous things), friends who have the same hobbies as me, friends from work, friends of friends etc. Once you expand this it totally removes that scarcity mindset, even just referring to someone as a friend in front of them helps solidify for THEM 'Oh you see me this way, I will do the same for you!'. This was hard for me at first because of my personality type (INFJ-T if that helps anyone, sensitive introvert who values 'deeper' relationships and things in general) but closing yourself off is doing you no favours. For example, let's say it's the weekend, you have no plans but the sun is shining and you're seeing groups of students, friends, lovers (I'm single) all hanging out, in this moment you feel extremely lonely, and if you only have 1 person to reach out to and they've already got plans (perhaps with their partner) that stings and makes you feel even worse! But what if you reach out to all those other people on the peripheral you don't yet REALLY consider friends? And what if they (or at least one of them) says yes to hanging out? Are they your best mate, no, but how nice is it that now on this lovely sunny day instead of feeling lonely in the house you have at least someone you know to chill out with and get to know better? Think of it like an investment. You don't get returns straight away, but because I have organised many things and brought many people together on various occasions, people now feel they owe me invites in return, so now I don't have to be AS active as I did at the start because I am now the one being invited by many different people to different things, which in turn allows me to meet more people etc, and now it's really easy because there's no insecurity/doesn't feel so 'deep' anymore and can quickly turn into an upwards spiral :) Probably the BEST piece of advice for ALL adults: If you have a group of people you really vibe with or maybe just ONE person that you share a hobby with, whatever it may be, especially if you are early on in building up your friendship circle, mutually committing to a recurring event is a great way to reduce stress and anxiety for both parties. Say you're a fella, you only know one other guy, you think he's pretty chill and you are both climbers. You understand you are both busy adults and different things come up. But if you both agree that the first Sunday of every month you will make a conscious effort to go climbing at the climbing gym near both of you from 12pm to 3pm let's say, then that's a low commitment recurring event, you never need to re-confirm time, location or date, it just becomes part of your calendar. It also then makes it super easy to build upon, for example you meet another person, a girl this time, but you think she's super chill too and find out she'd love to try out climbing. Maybe as a guy you don't want to give the wrong impression by asking her one-on-one, so you can just say "hey me and my buddy go on Sundays, feel free to tag along!". It makes it seem less intense for both parties, you're not as concerned/hurt if she can't make it because it's happening regardless of her attendance, and she's not as pressured in feeling like she's letting you down or not sure if you're asking her on a date or whatever so it just removes the pressure. Maybe she loves it and what was previously just you and guy#1 has turned into a trio. Maybe next time she invites her friend, maybe you and her friend hit it off etc you get the jist! :) To summarize: Familiarity is the key to building friendships. Sounds corny but everyone's a stranger till you get to know them, and seeing one person every couple months isn't going to build that sort of friendship that you're after and you will feel lonely if you only have one person to reach out to (especially if they have 'their own life'). This is why so many people become such good friends with colleagues, I myself have a wonderful long-distance friendship who is an old colleague who I'd never have been friends with otherwise as we are so different, what made the friendship was the amount of time we spent together and now there's a care for each other as a result, so again; keep an open mind, be consistent, be pluralistic i.e. have as many people in your life as possible to remove the 'scarcity' mindset, friendships aren't meant to be monogamous! :P If you follow the formula above and make 4 friends and arrange recurring monthly events with each friend, to that one friend you are only seeing them once a month so it is low pressure and enjoyable, but you now have a situation where every weekend you have something to look forward to! :) And it makes you very interesting to your other friends because if they ask what you've been up to, you have something to chat about, and you can expand upon these in order to meet more people/integrate friendship groups and so on :) Hope this helps! :)

[@JT-ol5xo]

I enjoy your videos and its amazing how I relate to what you're saying. I want friends but don't feel the NEED for them at this point. I dont' put a lot of emphasis on seeking them out since I enjoy my time alone. Quick backstory, I've gone through several friendship groups in my life which I ended up walking away from because we grew apart or began to be negative influences. So I'm looking for positive, supportive friendship groups and much more discerning about who I invite in my life. This means that it will take a longer time since I want good, healthy people in my life and not a negative influence. I remember reading somewhere that friends are like plants that you must attend to and work on to be healthy and sustain, they don't just grow in neglect. I remembered this as I was listening to your video.

[@Movies_n_More]

I’m absolutely floored that I came across your videos because I am not someone who seeks out self-help type videos, or even normally watch Vlogs. I typically tend to watch videos that are educational or news and comedy. It’s overwhelming and the reason I say overwhelming, because I was just so surprised that a am not alone in my feelings of loneliness and being at the age that I am, which is about 20 years older than you, i thought something was seriously wrong with me. I’ve taken autism tests, joined a codependency anonymous support group and cried endless tears wondering how all these people in the world have these groups of friends to hang out with at movies or restaurants. It’s strange, but every friend that I have made in the last decade, has been in other cities, other states, and more often than not, in other countries. Currently my two closest friends are in Nashville, Tennessee, and in Manchester England. It’s frustrating, but what can you do. And up until three months ago was living with my b/f, but he decided to move out to figure things out for himself… so now I am friendless and spending a lot of time, well actually all my time alone since I work from home and don’t even have the distraction of coworkers. So, I want to thank you so very much for making these videos. It’s been so helpful and I appreciate you, so so much. I don’t feel like a freak as much. I too am searching for answers and am grateful for the time you put in sharing. I joined a virtual writers group this morning. It’s a group of people who like to write. I almost bailed because of my anxiety and dread of not knowing who they were and what to expect. But they were all lovely and kind. I’ll be going back. I’m hoping that baby steps first of video meet ups might open doors to in person activity. Stay tuned. Oh, and I’ve started making KZbin videos too. One of my videos had been viewed over 200k times. The other 175k times! I’m amazed. I love shooting video so it’s my new safe place too. Sending you all my best wishes from Burbank, California! You are not alone. 👍

[@Amber24426]

I love that you’ve continued to make these videos, they resonate with me a lot and it’s nice to see someone being transparent about their thoughts and feelings regarding this topic.

[@D1uft]

Thanks for sharing, as an introvert myself, I can be happy in my own company. But I do think that having or more specifically making friends requires being brave and reaching out to others who might be suffering as well as or even more than ourselves. These days, we tend to just think about ourselves, afterall, we are at the centre of our own worlds, but taking the focus off of us, and thinking about others is so powerful and liberating. Can I humbly suggest trying to love someone else and be their friend over hoping that friends come to you. You seem like you are nervous or have a fear about trust and rejection (maybe that's what happened in the past) but I would encourage you to face the fears and be the friend. The rest will sort itself out. Plus, I'm up for being your friend. Dave (46)

[@trevor_5205]

Hey, thank you for these video's. It's nice to know there are people out there in a similar situation. I'm in my late 20's and have struggled to build friendships too

[@lukeronan8842]

I’m so glad I found your channel recently. I can relate to you so much and to be honest with you it’s a slight comfort to hear you speak (even though it’s hard for you) it’s a sign to me that this is more common than I think and I’m not alone. I’m like you, inside I’m more anxious than I like to admit. Congratulations to your wife Emily on the marathon. Im from Ireland and love Scotland- would love to hear what you thought of the country. Thank you for the videos

[@Tenzin62]

Hi Josh new subscriber from the uk here. I feel liberated from the weight of someone else’s expectation of me. I was drained by my last friend. Money, food energy and especially my time . The freedom of not having to answer texts and phone calls sometimes several times a day. And the “popping in” uninvited. Energy vampire for sure. Tell your troubles to a stranger is the way to go.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

That sounds like a bad friend, though. Daily texting, etc. Is he a chick or what? Plus I never hear about people popping by anymore without a text.

[@Tobias-gd1jf]

Because I don't have any friends myself, you often get bored. So I started searching on youtube and came across you. It it does me good to hear your story because I recognize a lot in it. We must have courage and live life.

[@Tobias-gd1jf]

And if people want to talk, let me know in the comment. Everyone reading the comments is in the same situation right?

[@Magani79]

Great to see another video from you! Thanks for sharing, it makes me feel less pressure and more comfort around this topic

[@bambi8712]

Thank you for those videos. I'm 28 and I can't say that I was ever strong in social settings either. I found myself in a new city with a few acquaintances and bunch of failed chances to become friends. I guess it stems from the fact that I'm somewhat comfortable having distance between myself and people, which in return can cause why I don't have any friends. I had a pretty significant chance to have a friendship with a nice girl, who lived nearby and wanted me to either visit them often or them visiting me. And I just couldn't, it seemed like a huge commitment, after a few attempts she just stopped trying and I never followed through either. But I do recognise I need a community. I'm striving for more peaceful life on my own, having some events here and there, where I can get my social batteries drained, but I don't seem to need much more than that.

[@millenial_falcon]

I just want to say I empathize a lot with what you're saying. I'm also fairly introverted and really love having time to myself; but like you said in the video, even with that comfort as you accumulate life experiences it'd be nice to share them. I think for me, having a small but trustworthy circle helps really with balance and perspective. I'm gonna subscribe because I feel like I am learning something from your journey.

[@jagi5893]

Since leaving education, over a decade now I find myself with no real friends that I see on at all. Coupled with anxiety I find it hard to open up and fit in with new people. It’s a strange feeling as I know what’s it’s like to have friend as a child and teenage and early 20s but also have spent a good chunk of my life without friends. I’m somewhat of a introvert but still it can get isolating at times. I’ve seen some of your videos before and like you I tend to over think over analyse each given situation . With some people I’m not to bad but others I struggle to find the words to say

[@JoshHitti]

Hey - I think that reaffirms the belief that we make friends when we’re in close proximity to others. When you’re in a non-social career, it makes it even more challenging. Cheers

[@italico2792]

Happy to hear from you! Today I went to the stadium to watch a football game. I went alone with no friend and sometime I'm okay to stay alone, but other times I'd like to hang out with people more. I'm in a point of my life where I'm discovering who I truly am.

[@markanzivino1963]

Thank God you have a wife. It sounds like she is your best friend. Lots of folks wish they had a spouse. I suppose there is always something that seems missing from our life. We are all in different situations. But I know how you long to belong with your own. Sometimes life is so busy, and we only seem to have surface relationships with people. I think everyone’s ideal is to have one or two close friends they see on a regular basis.

[@JoshHitti]

Thanks, Mark. I agree, as we get older I think we all just need one or two people in our lives as friends

[@adayinthemind]

I've been in a similar situation all my life so I know how hard it is. It can be a vicious circle sometimes of wanting friends but also being too anxious to meet or talk to anyone.

[@lissyj294]

Not having superficial friendships requires one person to be brave enough to open up, voice opinions, say what is really going on in their life and in their head, to be vulnerable. With the right people, it encourages them to do the same. Sometimes you click, sometimes you don't. If noone is willing to put themselves out there you just make small talk and remain acquaintances forever. It's fun to make friends and find out who people really are ♡

[@bradfranklin-j66co]

I’m hear what you are saying. I’ve been told though that sometimes I share too much too quickly. It’s too much for others. I’ve gotten better realizing that people have to earn a level of trust before sharing everything. Nevertheless, it’s an odd balance. I desire authentic relationships with people that have the potential to go to deeper levels once the friendship merits it.

[@EAJ92]

Yes I am one of those new subscribers of yours! I am grateful to have found your channel. Your feelings are so relatable and you're helping others like us so much. Thank you. 🙏

[@DreignzWrestling]

25 and i only have 1 friend. I don't think there is anything wrong with me but I don't know, I feel different and don't really relate or connect with a lot of people. I don't like to share a lot about me so people feel like I'm cold and not interested. I don't really feel confortable when i meet new people, i feel better when i'm alone at my house. Honestly going out is like going to the gym for me, I don't want to go but when I'm there, i'm happy I went. Seeing your videos made me feel better about myself. it kinda hurts when you see all these group of friends but when i'm back home I don't really care.

[@patriciaholloway]

I like your gym analogy. I also have always felt a little different in some way I can't pinpoint. I do know I'm not a crowd follower, I'm very independent. I think it's common to be on the fence about this.... wanting friends, connection, but then also really glad you can just be home by yourself. Maybe it's just part of being a human, we're all a paradox.

[@Aaronduhmoron]

I align with most of this. Kudos to bring so self-aware and articulate about it. I'm convinced for myself it's actually just some form of avoidant-attachment disorder. Which if so is odd because I came from a functioning household. I was otherwise a quiet/introverted person growing up. Grown out of it for the most part now. But it's difficult finding people to relate to.

[@mattwinick7659]

Hi Josh I want to say that I enjoy watching your videos and learn about what it is like having struggles and how you are trying your best. I myself have autism with a learning disability. It’s a challenge on having it because I get bullied by other people about having it. Also my friends and peers of them and people that know me put me down about how having a disability is bad and how it’s my fault that I can’t make them happy. Also during the pandemic Sally, my best friend passed away from complications of Covid-19. She was a big part of my life on accepting of me when I struggle with a disability and was kind to me. In the new normal era I struggle without my best friend and dealing with the harshness of the world and people getting mean. I spend time volunteering to help feed homeless people including people who are low income get help to continue my compassion, write letters to celebrities including influential people who inspire me, and practice being mindful of other people. Also I pray for things to get better and for the world to be kind. I want to let you know that I’m sending you positive vibes and for you to try to find happiness when life gets hard. People deserve a chance in life to find happiness. Keep on inspiring and continue to work hard to improve yourself

[@jaredburke4808]

Love these vids! As a student finishing college, the (real) world is stress inducing. I've been thinking alot about what my life will be like after and I worry about making friends/connections with people. I think my generation (20s) has been so consumed by the smart phone styles of meeting people that social interactions are more uncomfortable for many of us (even before covid). So the idea of walking up to someone in public and introducing yourself seems too weird when it really shouldn't. We do that when we're little kids and western culture does something different with this as we get older. I appreciate seeing others post vids like yours! 👍

[@keythwarren5075]

The best friend he’ll ever have is sat right by him

[@odettegioio8284]

You have a reason feeling that way... It's a good thing because you evolve into being person you are going to become. You get to know yourself and who you truly are and what your purpose is in life. Your energy is your own and only you can make it powerful. It's only the beginning of coming to acceptance of being alone but you are not lonely because you feel comfortable with being alone. Just allow that feelings of anxiety to run its course. It is all about growth. You don't have social issues you are a deep seated person and you are growing... by the it took 12 yrs of me en joying my being alone... I am 63 and value my peace of mind. Enjoy your growth. Love and peace

[@prescottosegie]

Thank you for sharing this with us the viewer’s it take courage Brotha I can relate to this definitely not having a lot of friends either 💪🏾😎

[@rsn7847]

You are not alone,there are millions of people like you out there. I have just 2”friends ”and both of them live abroad ,one of them and I dont even count her as a friend because is more like a “party friend” that I meet in the past,and we just talk from time to time about superficial stuff.The anotherone I can consider her as a real friend despite we dont talk often ,but when we do we talk for over an our and always about meaningful things. I have been in a relationship for 13!years but I spent most of the week on my own because my partner work long hours.Most of the time I go out on my own and I doesn’t bother me at all. I’m 34 years old and I used to have lots of friends in the past,most of them toxic people with bad habits ,got rid of everyone to get my inner peace,and the fact that I lived in 3 different places for the past decade doesn’t help to keep friendships.

[@jon6309]

I’m 31 years old and I don’t really have much friends either. I used to be really ashamed for being a loner in high school and people did label me as that! My social life has improved as I got older but I don’t really consider people I get a long with as friends but people I talk to about similar interest and just being nice to each other but not someone I hang out with on the weekends or trust with all my secrets. To be honest I’ve had bad experiences with the ones I did consider friends in the past as they have proven to be toxic and untrustworthy.

[@smahane5664]

I have no friends. I'm just too busy to have friends. I'm fine either way 😊

[@tarajoyce3598]

Do you speak with your parents? Just wondering as you sound very much like my son. Contact is rare (on his part) but I've quit constantly worrying about it. Any tips regarding making communication more comfortable for him?

[@jon6309]

@@tarajoyce3598 my father passed away but I honestly feel he is responsible for my social behavior and didn’t allow me to be myself when I was growing up. I am closer to my mother and do talk to her but that doesn’t really help that much to be honest there is only so much a mother can do!

[@tarajoyce3598]

@@jon6309 Thanks. I just wish I could somehow help him have a more well rounded life. Good luck and thanks for the reply.

[@jon6309]

@@tarajoyce3598 the best way to support your son is to let him be and to chose the life he wants to pursue naturally. Placing expectations on him would be counterproductive and might make things worse. This is why I have decided not to have children of my own because of the burden of being a parent as I witnessed from my upbringing.

[@usmaanilyas8639]

I really appreciate all the videos you made about this topic. Even though I knew deep down that it was normal to not have many friends, I was still curious to look this up in the search bar because as you’ve said in one of your other videos, knowing that there are other people out there who have similar experiences can help people not feel insane for living their lives without friends. I haven’t let my lack of friends bring me down that much, but sometimes it can feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t have friends. So coming across this video and seeing this supportive community with all the kind comments brought me a lot of joy. So thank you

[@trevorhhall7497]

I'm also in the same position as you!! Sadly it's in my nature to be reserved and be in the background..I'm writing this looking over the ocean away from everyone and i love it...but it would be great if i had a good friend to talk to and understand me as a person...good luck see you soon 👍

[@M3guy100]

Nice to see this,i am 61 ,never had any real friends,always found it difficult connecting with people but like you my number 1 friend is my partner which helps..

[@JustNicole6400]

I’m just gonna say it.. Most people have superficial friendships/relationships. At least that’s just what I’ve noticed. It’s not even necessarily bad, I used to have friends like that in college I would just go out with but never have a deep conversation with. Some people enjoy that but I think more introverted people just get tired of it and crave something deeper. Which leads to a much smaller circle. And then also can lead to loneliness/anxiety. Real friendships honestly take a lot of work on my part because I get too comfortable being alone or with my roommates. My sister who is married says the same thing, she gets too comfortable with her partner and forgets she needs to have friends outside of her relationship. Social anxiety sucks though, I work on it every day. The only solution for me has been to challenge my thoughts and go out of my comfort zone more. Recently started some dance classes and wanted to literally vomit before my first class but hey I made a few more friends because of it :)

[@AntoineGiezen]

Hi Josh, thnxs again for being our online group buddy/leader. What a massive increase in viewers ... Wow. That would by anxiety giving enough by itself This morning at work we had a social meeting. I hardly talk about the home situation and stuff. Not an anxiety more like it being a hassle and people not really 'worth'. Knowing the real me. Most of them feel really superficial to me so I don't share the me stuff. Sort of keeping up appearances like the person you talked about Live hangout would be nice, but time difference will probably result in a later viewing of it in the EU. Keep up the helpfull (rambling) videos.

[@greatestnitemare6626]

This guy has a f’n wife and has been happily married for years. He truly has no idea what it’s like to be COMPLETELY ALONE WITH NO ONE

[@JoshHitti]

You think I was married my entire life? I was homeless without friends for multiple years and spent most of my life “alone”. I understand you’re projecting, but anyone can struggle with lack of friends.

[@Joe_334]

My old man was miserable for years when most of his friends didn't want to approach him because of my socially miserable mother. He says he often wondered if the marriage was even real, because we have this very invasive relative that seems to always know what is going on whether he is around or not. He isn't a good influence either.

[@hp2546]

@@JoshHitti This needs to be a time to be thankful on what your wife did for you. Who was there for you when nobody else didn't. Your wife. She cared for you when you were homeless. You cannot think of replacing your wife. If you attempt to replace your wife now, you won't even have real friends. Real friends are those that that treat you well and those that is willing to be their even at your struggles. Everyone else, it isn't their job. If you keep complaining, people will think you are not happy in your marriage and would avoid you. You won't make a good impression if you don't even act like you are happy with 1 friend. Numbers don't mean anything. If you aren't happy with 1 friend, you won't be happy with multiple friends.

[@bm7507]

I love you, man, so much! You could stare at the camera without saying or doing anything and I'd still find it meaningful and insightful. I am very, very similar to how you describe yourself. Keep being a beautiful soul and a light for us all!

[@BashaerB-h2c]

I don't know if you've ever taken the MBTI personality assessment test ( even thought its not 100% scientific or accurate) it helped me immensely in understanding myself and other people. It turns out I am an INTJ (woman) and this type of personality enjoys solitude almost more than any other ( INTP is similar). Your exact feelings of feeling conflicted emotions is how I feel to a T. I have absolutely no problem talking to people I already know or socializing, its just that I can't start conversations with new people easily + it can feel like a waste of time sometimes especially when the conversation is gossip or small talk. I have been going to the gym for over half a year and didn't make a single gym friend. It's because I enjoy working out alone and talking to other people will take from my workout time. Same goes for university I used to not spend much time with classmates because they would just hang around and not get things done. I've gotten so used to being alone but I still yearn to have a group of friend like I did in my younger years. I would like to add, it can be discouraging when many friends might get envious, toxic and stir drama for no reason. Especially if you're handsome/pretty and ambitious people try to challenge you or find faults in your imagine/character for no reason. After reading about INTJs it gave me clarity that there is nothing wrong with me and I'm just "programmed" different, and that's okay. I hope MBTI gives you a sense of peace just like it did to me and many other people.

[@zeidae]

I’m a male INTJ. It’s just how we’re wired. Tbh, a little social interaction helps but in my experience it quickly becomes a burden. So, try to get some social interactions and maybe one or two friends.

[@FaintAura]

I'm an INTJ male and you're basically the female version of me, lol. Even the thought process behind making friends at the gym is the same. I'm there to do my workout as quickly as possible then get on with the rest of my day, not make friends. Exact same thought process with making "friends" at work.

[@n.m6015]

It’s really good to see people who look attractive and appear to have their life figured out talk about the problems that they face too

[@davidguarin358]

I turned 51 😊last week , even that I don’t look my age 🎉I call myself a lone wolf 🐺 ( loner) sometimes I feel that I can function better with myself. I’m a single guy. I feel connected with what you always comment on your videos. Sometimes I feel with lot of fears when I surrounding by many people, and I live in a small studio apartment 450 square feet 🦶 and I feel protected. I feel fearful if I’m in a bigger apartment or house 🏡 and I will not lying 🤥 I start to think that I’m a very weird person, with a lot of social anxiety. God bless you with what you do for others .

[@GUITARTIME2024]

You're a little weird but who cares. Just be happy.

[@gez7607]

Don't give up hope, your friend will come! I have finally found a friend after years of being lonely and depressed; having nobody around me to enjoy life with. Because of the intense difficulty with me connecting with others, I had actually accepted that I would never succeed in finding friends in this life because of how bad my social anxiety had been. Sometimes I even questioned my existence and my ability to ever enjoy life. I was ready to just give up hope and focus on what I already have until eventually my life long prayer was answered unexpectedly! I have now met this friend and we are such best friends. We talk everyday, we share our deepest struggles and most importantly we are committed to one another like brothers which is insane. It's a dream I didn't expect would come to reality but I know it is also possible for you if this happened to me. Keep going , there is someone out there you haven't met yet. Don't give up!

[@alankirkby465]

Call me cynical/negative, I'm 82 years old. My personal experience in life is the least people you have in your life the least " grief/ problems " one comes across. I've come across hundreds of people in my life, probably really liked perhaps appx ten of them. Anyway, Peace to all.

[@alankirkby465]

@@deejones3031 Thanks for your reply.

[@Happysoul_3]

Sir, in early life a person craves deep connections. Beyond 50 people's perspective change😅 But, I do feel friendships are vital to nourish an old age being after his retirement.

[@Toffee146]

.....fewer. 😉