Why INFJs Unnerve Other People

[@Malacha-v8f]

We have to dumb ourselves down just to talk to other people. I can tell when i make someone feel stupid and that is not my Intention at all

[@johanneshoefnagels2650]

Yeah, thats why we prefer to live in out heads 😅

[@authentictalkpodcast]

😩

[@Mya_9393]

Right? It's a real thing. I've learned to attune very closely to the person I'm talking to and adjust my language such that I'm nearly constantly validating them in order to actually have my ideas heard. In that way, find that people are more capable of hearing what I'm saying instead of formulating contrary opinions while I'm speaking. More concisely, I assuage their ego so it doesn't get in the way of what I'm feeding them. I suppose that could sound manipulative, but it nearly always allows them to believe that I'm the "lesser" party in the conversation. But it does also allow them to glean the information they need to make whatever positive change they're looking for. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@cacheknock]

Yup! Almost everyone says I make them feel insecure. I'd say I lean more towards a spiritualized INFJ, and very esoteric & deeply psycho analytical minded. So I pick up on every little subconscious thing, & I know a little too much. Especially, if I know you personally & know your birth chart. I can break down every little part of some one's mind, including things they may try to hide, on the spot. Knowing too much about people's inner world that they may not even be so familiar with can most definitely make them feel insecure.

[@MrIdasam]

I've always wondered what it would be like to meet and speak with another INFJ.

[@Coneman3]

I think they probably find us hard to work out. Also, we tend to observe people a lot before we open up, and we can be quite critical and direct at times, occasionally upsetting others. Also, our general open friendly exterior hides a deeper mind which may be seen as is being 2-faced when it’s just being socially pleasant.

[@Meenaia]

The 2-faced thing hits hard. Now, I try my best to give a disclaimer of my thought process so people won't be caught completely off guard if I feel forced to stray from my normally amicable behavior.

[@uliyankadoe118]

​@@MeenaiaThat's an interesting strategy, though I wouldn't try it. I only divulge with close friends.

[@OfTheMindscape]

This is totally unrelated to the topic, but that black turtleneck is so very French of you; it suits you. 😄

[@RensRoom]

Haha, thank you! You're in fact right I think because the tutleneck has been better received in France than in, say, Ireland. It seems people can see it as pretentious, or something. In France it's actually (slightly) connected with being gay, but that's fine with me.

[@IreneDoucet-z2c]

The way I walk and hold myself, the way I dress is enough for others to become insecure. For me it’s my confidence and willpower that makes others uncomfortable. Until I speak and then they tell me how intimidated they were.

[@TheArtofFlag-waving]

You need to retest your MBTI in a way that's honest to yourself because INFJs don't speak like this.

[@rori4081]

Last week before I started listening to infj videos in KZbin, I have always asked myself why does everybody hate me, im very humble and shy and insecure and yet i have struggled with people who were manifesting competition all the time and yet im not a competitive person.. i will always give to you what you want… and yet sooo many has done this is still doing to me. Then I watched ur video, it makes sense now although I don’t have confidence maybe their feeling competitive with me excerpts from the spiritual part of me being infj… I don’t know but you’re making sense to all of my struggles….

[@rori4081]

@ thank you so much I appreciate it… you’re right, i was drowning from these people, i said to myself i know I didn’t do anything wrong but they make me feel like im the worst human. Thank you for your time and your msg 🙏🏻

[@gregreddick9109]

One of your videos popped up on my homepage yesterday and I gave it a watch. This is the deeper, richer content I've been looking for. I just ordered your books though Amazon and am looking forward to exploring this further. In the meantime I am taking a lot of notes. Thank you for doing this work, Renaud!

[@RensRoom]

Thank you for your kind words, I hope you'll get a lot from the books!

[@c.lstrife]

Hello Ren thank you for answering my question again and I'm glad that I'm giving you lots of good content or feed back because it's been interesting for me as well. What you covered in the video was pretty much what I thought as well when it came to jealousy and unnerving things we do unintentionally towards others. I find it actually true in my case, especially when I was a child, that I was very unnerving to adults and some children in my age group a lot. It's still the case right now that I'm an adult but instead they find me intimidating and back off (majority of the time) or they find me mysterious and curious about me (some of the time). Now it's important to say that I don't purposely look mysterious or intimidating, I mean, what is so mysterious of me going food shopping or sitting down at a restaurant, eating by myself with a book? They can clearly see what my intentions are: to live and to enjoy a space in a quiet manner. So that still puzzles me abit. If it makes you feel comfortable, I'm actually a woman, so I'm not offended that you think otherwise at all. Infact actually I got a small theory that Female INFJs have it a bit "easier," than Male INFJs when it comes to emotional expressions and creativity but have it "harder" when it comes to logic and reasoning. Here are some questions I have: 1. Do you find that people who seek INFJs are Red flags? 2. Why do we, INFJs universally hate being leaders and why is it always forced on us when we don't want it? 3. What sort of parent do you think an INFJ would be if they had children? 4. What were historical changes that are still in effect today because of a historical (supposed infj) individual?

[@RensRoom]

Great questions as ever. If we were on discord I would have to give you a special role, like The Questioner (or something a bit more original hopefully). Thanks for clarifying the he/she question by the way, I'll keep it in mind from now on!

[@uliyankadoe118]

1. Not all. Some people seek us for a genuine and mysterious connection we can give as well as wider range of perspectives. If you learn to detect Cluster-B it'll get easier to tell apart dangerous red flags from minor manifestations of lack of morals.

[@Staff_Sgt_Dignam]

Very nice comment about spiritual INFJ’s. Also interesting how you said there is only a small group of people that mythologise INFJ’s; when I was growing (decades ago) up it seemed *everyone* mythologized us.

[@red-lj9gs]

Amazing, I never knew why people felt intimidated by me or my energy. I have always tried to see the real personality in people. I never bother to ask why, because i dont want to make other people feel uncomfortable, so i alway move the conversation on themself and not me.

[@uliyankadoe118]

Thank you, Renaud! I have my organic path of philosophy working well for me. Still, what you say can be really helpful in recovering my sense of self that's not constrained by this world's definitions.

[@Madisonmiler]

Hmmm yes people can perceive this as us being judgmental. We are for sure observing others (intensely) but it is mostly out of an attempt to understand and connect in the best way we know how.

[@mollydooker9636]

When I was a tennager I used to read peoples tea leaves and Tarot. I was very very good at it. And I didnt believe in any magic ability to predict the future. Looking back I could just subconsciously read people. Their fears mainly. That made a lot of people quite wary of me. Or overly interested. Both made me very uncomfortable so i stopped.

[@VeggieJohnx2]

How fascinating. So the intensity that is sometimes projected by (adaptive submissive) INFJs isn’t necessarily an intentional conscious thing, but is often related to the sense of self that might be at stake for the INFJ. Instead of getting the desired increased sense of self , connection, or acceptance from others, the opposite can sometimes happen, with those piercing intense eyes? 👀 Will adopting a Steve Jobs outfit or presentation get people to listen more and feel less unnerved? Or will that just be another strategy that falls short of what is really desired? For the adaptive submissive INFJ, it seems sad that the approach used doesn’t necessarily get them the acceptance and sense of self that they might desire, as if falling into a kind of fruitless path that initially seemed promising.

[@VeggieJohnx2]

So is the intense gaze a result of paying super close attention to others? Or is it an unconscious look that happens when really mentally processing in the moment?

[@RensRoom]

In answer to your last sentence: 100% correct. I think many of us have been there, in fact.

[@RensRoom]

I think it's a blend of both. We're doing some intensive mental processing of which the processing of others (through Fe) is a part.

[@archonofvoid]

I think I'm solipsistic infj. How do i improve my life?

[@Homeostasis.11]

greetings :x

[@RensRoom]

Greetings!

[@rori4081]

And excuse me since im looking for many answers to my questions… im reading here different types of infj’s while since i’ve learned this personality types (7yrs ago) While there only these two types for every personality, not only for infj = Assertive (INFJ-A) and Turbulent (INFJ-T) Could someone please help me understand? Thank you