INFJ Perfectionism and Self-Esteem

[@zachklaphaak441]

i was living a lie. since i've admitted it to not only myself but the people who were co-participating in my lie, professionally, I have had much more confidence. fun stuff.

[@cancerousamphibian625]

Are you going to be doing videos on the other types? Sometimes you sprinkle in some information about them and I find it very useful.

[@RensRoom]

Sure, are you interested in specific types in particular?

[@jessicahunt3175]

I’ve been thinking about the New Year and new goals. This may relate to perfectionism, but I’ve had this problem. I’ll set a goal for myself. If I keep my goal private, I can be quite successful. As soon as I release it into the world (or even just my husband) if the person says, “you should” (do the thing) Fe gets triggered and now it is no longer about doing this thing for myself, now it is about people pleasing and doing it for others. The quick solution is to not share my goals, I understand that, but is there a way that I can prevent the Fe switch from getting flipped in this counterproductive way? When this unhealthy Fe gets triggered I end up failing every time.

[@VeggieJohnx2]

Is it possible to view goals set and being met, to be done for oneself And for others? Rather than just one or the other? Perhaps one can clarify the personal needs being met by accomplishing the goals set, while also clarifying how those might benefit others who are also involved. Find the win-win? Where you are able to maintain your sense of autonomy, while still acknowledging the needs and wants of others, and how something also benefits them. I have also heard of a phenomenon that once we vocalize our goals to others, for some people, instead of creating accountability that will help push them towards the finish line, it is as if their brains told them they already did the thing, thus they lose steam after sharing. Perhaps that is another variable in play.

[@RensRoom]

Jessica it sounds like sharing the goal and hearing someone say "you should" makes you feel like you're deprived of individual agency in working towards the goal. This is an interesting avenue to explore further.

[@jessicahunt3175]

Thank you for your reply. I like the idea of working on goals, while motivating others along the way. Yes, personal autonomy is definitely wrapped up in all of this. I am very uncomfortable with feeling controlled by anything.