Why Is Going No Contact So Hard Post Discard With The Narcissist

[@theruminator7419]

When you understand that you mean nothing to them, no contact is a no-brainer

[@Lazara2023]

No contact is a relief

[@sunleepark761]

So true

[@karlataylor1172]

Still mind blowing to think about.....especially if you are nothing like them......and hard to understand.

[@theruminator7419]

@Sufferingsuccatash Sylvester Thanks for that. Everything you say is so true. I watched an old b/w movie on KZbin called Wicked Woman (1953) where they nail the female psychopath in one hour and sixteen minutes. Would highly recommend a watch for anyone who would like to see the madness objectively, and for free....

[@forensicbadassprofiling]

Yes. Also many of us have also said there was a point when they hurt and disrespecred us so bad, that was thw day we went full no contact and said no way. No more. I remember that day October 11 2018. I thought no way ever again will he have the right to treat me that deplorable. It was a massive storm ahead but I kept my dignity and heloed me w my self respect to start rebuilding.

[@paulbates7265]

Earlier this year I thought I was gone. After I was discarded I didn’t believe life could go on. Suicide was looking like the only option. I survived somehow and life began again. I will never forget how your videos gave me the strength during my darkest days. The words ‘ thank you “ don’t seem enough, but it’s all I know so thank you.

[@NarcCon]

Thank you Paul..I understand having been where you were..here’s to us all and joy again 🌹

[@Lazara2023]

They play with us, but believe me ..life without narcissists is a sweet honest and kind reality

[@CynthiaAva]

Thank you for sharing this. I thought I was the only one. This last discard, was the most difficult and for the first time in a fairly difficult life, I considered suicide, because the pain was that bad. Somehow, by the grace of God, an excellent therapist...and people like Paula who I found to learn from, I made it through the most difficult phase, but it is a long road...especially when you share children. Blessings to all of us and may we be protected from these demons moving forward.

[@Lazara2023]

@@CynthiaAva you are not alone

[@michelleschultz9520]

@@CynthiaAva I also share two children with my narc and it’s so painful to see the mask come off in all its true hatred. I feel as if it wasn’t for the children that came out of such a 50 shades of narcissism and torment and cruelty etc. that all those years were wasted and yes a lie. I can never change the fact that he never really loved any of us. I’m so glad my two sons get to know what true love is. My sons made all the torture worth it. I thank God for them and the gift they are to me.

[@precioussoul7128]

Being in the narcissist’s zone is a complete misery, keeping away is a reborn.

[@anyways661]

Their zone is... A psychic cemetery!!!

[@infinitemight7040]

No, cutting them off IS freedom. Not just being away from their presence.

[@christoole1488]

Remember we all fell in love with a false self. That person isn't who they are. The bad person is who they are. To know you can't fix them and the next person will get the same 3 phases. It's hard but it gets better. Keep watching KZbin seminars to cement your feelings and that's your closure. Understand that we played a part in our situation. Go back to your childhood and remember why we felt lonely. Felt like we needed to stay with our abuser. All this is a gift if you think cup half full. It will make you stronger and you get to see good people on KZbin. Thankyou!!

[@myblessings1000]

🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽👌🏽🌹!!! Beautiful stated❤️

[@TurtleTrader]

Thank you! :)

[@brendalhunt9720]

How do I do the buddy system. I don’t want to complain just get some hope . I dumped him. But it still hurts. BAD I’m in Maine USA

[@danilaroche1156]

I don't think I played a part & I'm one who always takes responsibility. My narc pretended to be abstinent Christian who desired marriage. I was coerced & sexually assaulted. I tried to protect myself. Then he blamed me! It took over 4 years to heal.

[@lorrainemiller799]

I’m proud to say that after 22 years of marriage with a narc I never broke the no contact rule. The reason why is that I FINALLY HAD CONTROL OF HIM, and he didn’t have control of me. God it felt good. Remember that girls, no contact is you having control of the situation and not them! Best punishment for a narc ever

[@antoinettegorman8833]

This is a spiritual battle we are going through. Keep prayed up ,

[@brendalhunt9720]

That’s good

[@jamilaakhtar2553]

It still amazes me how we all experienced the same crazy rollercoaster ride with the narc, and how we all feel the exact same after leaving them or them discarding us. To anyone reading this Paula is Absolutely right! You CAN recover! And I know it's soo Difficult to go no contact but you CAN do it! I did it and I never thought I could and I never thought I would ever recover from this, but I'm honestly now the happiest I've ever been in my life!! Lots of love to you all it will get better I promise..❤

[@salonsavy6476]

Yeh!,,, 👍👍🕊🕊🤗🤗

[@vibehigh5280]

Right? It's interesting how all narcs are the same across the globe, and that we all experienced and felt the same aftermath the abuse.

[@mOOniverse1111]

Yep...did it too!! I had a hunch so really absorbed all things narcissim. When u figure out what monster u were dealing with it gives u the closure they do not. So in getting closure, growing in knowledge, going inward and healing past issues I can tell u it is so very possible to not care anymore. It takes time. Time is all we have, so use it wisely on yourself. I think after 2 months the heartache was softened....about 6 months I had a complete understanding, and now in the 12th month I learned to sever soul ties and Jezebel Spirit ties.

[@pauleastwood3694]

I’m really struggling since being discarded 12 weeks ago, it’s nearly killed me

[@sheilamurry9875]

@@pauleastwood3694 It's a process and it is worth it because it becomes clearer and clearer exactly what type of a monster or monsters you/I/ we were/are with because they come one after another not to mention the past ones that were laying out the ground work unbeknownst to us. Stay on the path and it does come all together and you will be alot happier and stronger marching forward. This is a battle and a spiritual warfare

[@lindensky7951]

Keep no contact..DO NOT BREAK IT!!...if you are feeling sad...anger...lonely...rejected...self pity...forgive yourself...cry into a pillow..let ALL the waterworks flow...empty your emotions into that pillow...When the tear tank is empty...take the pillow case off and pop it in the washer ...Narc Con you are angel...thank you x

[@SA-px3ln]

My mom callls saying how are you? I want to cry and scream at her for everything but last week I told her I’m hurt need help she says oh I can’t help you take care. Then why call me back just to feel I’m still crippling wtf demon

[@NarcCon]

😊😊..love your advice Linden Sky 💓

[@debrabostwick2250]

When I went NC I experienced moments of feeling everything you spoke of. Whenever I wanted to contact him again the question I’d ask myself was, “What value would this bring me?” The answer was absolutely nothing! It has been 4 months now and time is definitely your friend. It gets easier with time.

[@NarcCon]

Thank for sharing this valuable information Debra 💓

[@vibehigh5280]

Im 4 months nc too. It is not on easy road but I choose myself every single day.

[@life-rethought]

im day one 😃

[@annemann9134]

For all the sweet people trying to heal...try moving around a little bit more each day...walks...stretching...plenty of dark leafy greens will elevate mood...go to a museum...library... Fresh fruit...setting your minds on things of beauty...go to the zoo ...surround yourself with children's laughter...this will help come out of the slump...also...absolutely nothing wrong with believing in love...all humans have needs...just grasp healing activities...you will heal.

[@annmaddock4569]

Well said!

[@Noemie291]

When you health is fucked up, you can't do a those things.

[@vikki-leec6169]

That's all I've been told aswell, just move on, they have no clue, this is a whole other pain and such a shock that completely rips our self esteem and trust away, the shock that people like this exist is so traumatizing x

[@rickysomething3786]

I agree with you...but once you feel all that pain it's time to pick up the pieces...let the healing begin...

[@vibehigh5280]

I agree. One of my therapists even told me, "hmmm i see you've invested so much on this relationship." They really don't get it, only those who went through could really understand us.

[@treelover1050]

I WROTE. DOWN ALL THE CRAP HE DID. WHEN I WAS TEMPTED TO GIVE IN TO A HOOVER I READ THAT LIST AND KNEW I WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT SHITTY PERSON.

[@vibehigh5280]

@@treelover1050 i did the same as well. You deserve better!

[@treelover1050]

@@vibehigh5280 YES WE ALL DESERVE AUTHENTIC REAL PEOPLE. WE DON'T DESERVE LIARS AND USERS IN OUR LIVES.

[@michelleknapp9176]

Definately move on and keep going. Be proud of yourself for staying away from evil people

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

I think for me a huge step forward with overcoming my reluctance to properly go NO CONTACT, was reading about the way our brains betray us, because of the purely chemical addiction we end up with from the narcissist. If we only pay attention to our feelings which are the result of our chemical addiction, we really struggle. But fully understanding that the narcissist is fully aware of the chemical addiction they subject us to is vital. So because of the abuse they subject us to, our brains are put into a hideous cycle of chemical addition which makes us feel horrible, almost suicidal if we weren’t stronger, which we usually are as empaths. So the highs the narcissist gives us, makes our brains pump out dopamine and serotonin, we feel euphoric, then rapidly the narcissists hits us with a follow up of abuse, which alters our brain chemistry to pump out Adrenalin and cortisol, we rapidly feel a huge low, a craving, like a lab rat. It’s very painful, it’s the typical symptoms a heroine addict feels. The high functioning narcissist knows all this, the lower functioning narcissists has learned this trick subconsciously. So the narcissist very gradually conditions us to accept these highs and lows and the cycle begins to become closer together over time until they are simply the puppet master, or orchestrator of our brain chemistry at will. Because we don’t understand about our brain chemistry we really have no idea what is happening to us, all we know is we seem to have been taken over by a sense of fear followed by feeling ok, then fear again. We feel alien to ourselves, we feel possessed by something dreadful and doomful, we go into a victim mentality. But once you understand that the narcissist has control of your brain functioning, that’s the point that you realise how very, very important going FULL no contact is. Any contact at all is going to continue this hideous cycle of them controlling your brain chemistry. Going totally no contact is the only solution. Cold turkey. Within 3 months your brain chemistry returns to its normal calm functioning and you begin to feel a hell of a lot better. You can return to your normal thinking processes, your rational self. The battle with your self isn’t completely over, you will still have days of emotional thinking because you’re an empath. But the battle with your brain chemistry being controlled by the narcissist any longer is largely over. 🙏🙏🙏

[@NarcCon]

Thank you for sharing this important information

[@stephanieodom5825]

I loved this post!

[@windysmith7367]

Thank you Paula ❤

[@life-rethought]

THIS IS A KEEPER FOR ME. THANK YOU. ive heard the explanation before... but tonight it clicks with my decades of struggles. I am an empath by choice. as well as an artist... they go hand in hand. I was raised by a criminally abusive father. the rest of the family submitted. I stood on my principles oh so young. and didnt surrender. I crumbled with full PTSD and epileptic seizures at 54 years old... and I recall asking a counselor " why is it that I go through such euphoric highs,,, and then bottomless depressive lows?" Now the pieces fall into place. and I wouldnt trade who I am now, a sensitive respected artist and person. VS. selling my soul to any narcissist!!!!!

[@annetterobinson668]

You put this into much better words than I ever could. Thank you! To finally realize that my high functioning Narc knew what she was doing,(administrating the drug) was an Epiphany for me tonight,and put one more nail in the coffin of 'No Contact'. I needed that tonight. Thank you! It soothed my tortured Soul a bit,and put one more day of distance between her and I. Please accept my sincere gratitude, and stay Blessed! ✌️🍀

[@joeroberto5367]

Trauma-bonds have only been documented in cases where Cluster-B Personality Disorder has been diagnosed in 1 of the recipients- within the relationship. Interesting, huh? It's called Trauma for a reason- as we all know. Time to visit our past & set things right with our inner-child. Blessings come in many faces- including masks. ✝ 🛡 ❤

[@salonsavy6476]

Paula , I was on the rollercoaster ride for 8 years,, Love Bombing , devaluing, discarding,, repeat , repeat ,,, until I finally had enough in June ,, his lack of Empathy, smugness, silent treatment,, I WAS DONE!!,,, I discarded him and starting looking after myself.., I changed my diet ,lost weight,, I feel great 👍,,, I still feel the trauma bond , but I know he’s very dysfunctional, something is me shifted and I knew god had a new plan for me ,,🕊🕊🙏🙏💪

[@vibehigh5280]

Keep walking forward. 😊 you are not alone.

[@hollydusek597]

I went grey rock, then no contact. The anger I had/have helped me maintain and keep it. He crapped on me, my son, my family, my friends. No...I'm done. He left. That's what he wanted. That's what he gets. I don't play. When I cut someone off, I'm completely done with them. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt fiercely. I felt like I was gonna die...physical pain. I did it though and I stuck to it and I will continue to do just that.

[@NarcCon]

Powerful Holly thanks 🌸💓

[@janettepointon2540]

I am exactly where you were a year ago , please does it get better ?

[@diannekevwitch6958]

@@janettepointon2540 it gets better. It is painful. But the pain will be your power. God wastes nothing! You will be RELIEVED over time that God saved you!

[@YazS5]

To be honest, it’s worse when they reply because they either do so in such a nonchalant manner, like they didn’t actually break you down several times and put you through hell - or they say something that implies it’s your fault that it ended badly. They never genuinely take responsibility for their toxic behavior. And, yes, when they do say what you want to hear - it is simply just to suck you back in and begin the manipulative toxic cycle of using you as their entertainment or for boosting their ego before they devalue you all over again.

[@NarcCon]

💯 you’ve said it Yasmine

[@life-rethought]

seductively sweet talk you to get you to let down your guard and open up your heart, only to slash your throat with glee.

[@hollydusek597]

It took me MONTHS and a big group of people that love me to get to where I am...no one told me to just get over it. Thank God. You don't just get over it. No one can JUST GET OVER 20yrs of abuse. This is hard for all of us. Hugs to all that have had to go through this❤

[@nvlovale626]

A Heartfelt Thank You for being here for me.

[@NarcCon]

💓🌹🙏

[@kathybradshaw3722]

No way.the way they HV to live with they did. 16 years and he he has to live his what is he did.

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

I am missing something. Loneliness is within me but I know a narcissist can not fill this loneliness.

[@wordoftruthwjdnijah3467]

Glad for all the support...I am coming out the other side and it is dtill iffy.Thsnks family.

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌸

[@davidcoppotelli3957]

Paula, I just want to tell you how really glad I am that I found your Narc Con Channel. They have saved me from reaching out to my EX TOXIC NARCISSIST GIRLFRIEND. I have to replay them some times when I feel myself slipping in order to stay Strong and continue NO CONTACT with her ever Again. In the last 7 months of no contact with the her. I have seen other channels regarding NARCS. But your Channel is the one that hits home the most for me and helps to keep me grounded. The last thing I ever want to do is reach out to her in any way shape or form. I would rather go to my Grave then ever have her think she has me over a Barrel. Thanks Paula for Popping up on my Screen. You have saved me from making a Fool of myself. NO CONTACT EVER IS THE ONLY WAY. I still have life in front of me.

[@vesnalukic9877]

Also, agreed I wanted to cut contact and in the moment thought woah this will be a walk in the park..a year later. Still trauma bonded. It's not a choice to end trauma especially when it runs deep from childhood. The only choice you make is that you will commit to healing. Much love to you thanks for being the support i could never have from family ❤

[@amandajohnson-williams7718]

Narcissists are very weak people who want to trauma bond you to them because they are so afraid of being alone, hence they have to have a harem, a collection of women back ups, because they really are terrified of being alone without supply. We empaths in the other hand embrace our time alone, we actually enjoy our own company, we need it to recharge ourselves, because we are so sensitive and give so much of ourselves to others. I believe the narcissist is afraid of our strength, our core self belief, so they seek to dismantle that strength through their tactic of trauma bonding, to enslave us to them. Destroy our strength, but as empaths we do see through this, because most of us were forged as children in similar narcissistic families, and we remember how we escaped the original wound, even if we thought we’d long forgotten that old lesson!! We are a bit like elephants!! ☺️☺️☺️

[@foxygayla]

It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. So many time's I wanted to reach out, but I had to keep reminding myself how horrible he was to me. I never did.

[@randallbrinkman2570]

Fear , emotions that need resolved , The Pit , despair , alot of that when involved with a narcissist . And the Snare . Bound in some deceptive way , usually , closure issues , and there will never be any closure from the narcissist .Though they will readily exploit these things . In my experience , hindsight being 20 / 20 . In the very beginning , it seemed , she had , changed her mind , lost interest , she wasn't discussing it with me , so I was preparing to quitely excuse myself , and , exit the relationship. When i was confronted , and accused of , fearing commitment . Now if this wasn't, such a shock , and confusing , as well as shame producing , I would have thought about it , and said wait , who wouldn't be hesitant , questioning , and considering that it was not to be after experiencing her indifference , and lack of interest . And I would of recognized , this was not only insincere, and ingenuine , but was a form of physcological abuse , and warfare . But it achieved her desired results , in that it threw me off balance , had me question myself , and painted me as the shaky , unstable irrational one . It was classic gaslighting . This before we were even engaged . No Contact , their strength is derived from the reality they Do Not Care , so no amount of caring , sacrificing , effort , patience , understanding , waiting , time , chance , reasoning will change them . It has nothing to do with you ! They faked all that ! I remember the day , I walked away knowing that was it , we were seperated , she couldn't deal with me being sick , and the stress, and uncertainty, I helped find her a apartment , and pack . But not long after , she became disrespectful , eel just nasty . Then she pulled the old cold shoulder . And I thought, I would hang myself , before I put up with anymore of this , and I had no desire to do either . Walked away knowing , didn't know how or what i was going to need to endure to move on . , but that's what i was going to do . Walking away knew she , thought she was in complete control , and very pleased with herself . It took about a year , before she realized , I was moving on . Is she done ? No , in their minds , it's never done . But reality it is ! It never was !

[@Bob-zh6dw]

It's been 2 yrs 9 myths since no contact. Needed to hear this message again. No way I could ever go back to them again. Don't forget that if you left them like I did, their number one priority is revenge. Don't do it.

[@joseenoel8093]

Because we too like a little adventure and then our vanity gets the best of us yearning for the fantasy love bombing...

[@dawnemile4974]

I know. It's wanting a little adventure that usually gets me involved with a narcissist. I can see the glint of something bad right off the bat. I think it's my interest in mental illness and feeling I can handle it. However, a covert or vulnerable narcissist was tricky. Now I know better. Avoid, avoid, avoid is my motto. No adventures anymore.

[@vesnalukic9877]

I'm looking to buddy up! Ontario, Canada! And yes that's what my ex narc would say "oh hey! Missed ya".. more like "wtf do you want ?"

[@randallbrinkman2570]

I often heard , what are you doing ? Lol . As if what was going on was normal , ordinary . And abusing, decieving, lieing, cheating, using, treating others cruelly , for them is the norm . But its not our normal, nor acceptable. Stay strong !

[@vesnalukic9877]

@@neveralone7212 hi Clelia sounds good! Email me? [e-mail]

[@sharoncorrell943]

If we look at the whole picture, as painful as it can be, we will realize that going NC with a Narcissist never comes at a time where we are feeling our best...quite the contrary. Whether we initiate the discard or they decide they need a new supply, there is real pain and emotions are raw. My discard came not only during the holidays, but during a major health crisis, and a death of a family member. I mean come on, all I needed was for my house to burn down too and I would have been searching for a bridge to jump off of. It is now sixteen weeks later and some things are better, some will never be. They say healing begins with NC but the truth is healing begins at NC but it is slow and excruciating at times. It is difficult enough to try and heal from a relationship with someone you know, but a relationship with a Narcissist is a relationship with a stranger. You have been lied to, gaslighted, manipulated, cheated on, humiliated, and most likely verbally or physically abused...or both. NC begins with a commitment to free ourselves from the abuse but the challenge is in the longevity of the NC. In a previous relationship with a Narcissist, it took me five months to begin to regain my joy and desire for life. I kept waiting to die on the outside because I was certain I was dead on the inside, but that didn't happen. I vividly remember waking up one day five months after the discard and the darkness had lifted. The memories will fade but the lesson needs to remain for our protection and wellbeing. The Narcissist will never change but we will...healing will come and peace and joy will return.

[@NarcCon]

Sharon this comment is so so true and you explain the day you felt the darkness lift..I can relate to this..like the fog has cleared unreal experience

[@darcybarwick3766]

They time the discard to cause us maximum pain .. I believe their goal is to take us out by suicide.. EVIL BEYOND BELIEF ., I’m pretty sure they aren’t human

[@clusterbfreekarynsmith2190]

A blessing of 33 yrs & many returns or accepting narc back...no contact for me is easy. Covid lockdown up close & personal with mask off....no trauma bond of any strength. Praying for those struggling. DON'T GO BACK - ALWAYS WORSE.

[@Cat-el4td]

This is really helpful, I’m struggling so bad at the moment it’s like a constant nagging and pain. I just get such a pull to text him. I honestly struggle most nights now. Thankyou for your support. I left my narc and it’s for the best but I find it terribly difficult now after the time I discarded him.

[@NarcCon]

This is a hard part of the journey kat concentrate hard on changing your own life for the better 🌹

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

the confusion is still there even though I did the discard.

[@vibehigh5280]

It'l get better. I did the discard too, the tougest one for me was the guilt afterwards, but I thought to myself "ok let me be the mean one now for my sanity". Did a lot of research and watched a lot of videos, i figured I am not alone. We deserve so much better.so much better. God Bless your journey to healing, He will send people and situations to help you go through this. One day at a time. 😊

[@b5hhj069]

Same for me....NC going on 6 months. Just remain NC....it gets easier. There will be moments of confusion, loneliness, sadness and anger. Its ok...embrace those emotions and transmute them into something positive for yourself.

[@vibehigh5280]

@@b5hhj069 i agree!!!!

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

@@b5hhj069 i am about 5 months NC and it has gotten a little easier.

[@sunnyclouds1372]

Same

[@cliftonryder4618]

Hello. I'm in Canada. New Brunswick to be exact. Thank you for what you do for survivors. Be blessed.

[@NarcCon]

Thank you for your support 😊🌹

[@melindadejesus7914]

Really, really positive speaking. You hit every area of my journey. Thank you. May God continue to bless you and continue to use you to help others. You’re a great speaker, I feel peace coming from you. Especially that you lived it!

[@NarcCon]

Thank you for your support Melinda it’s greatly appreciated 🌹

[@keke7780]

So true.im going through it now.its been 6 months NC, and my emotions are up and down.

[@salonsavy6476]

It’s 7 for me , NC,,

[@vibehigh5280]

Me too. 4 nc. I think the situation we are in now all over the world is making it more challenging to really move forward smoothly. It will get better and better, we are not alone in this journey to healing. God wants to heal us and want peace, love and joy for us. 😊 believe.

[@tariqahmed7244]

Get rid of emotions these people dont understand that . All they know is themselves . Start treating to them as if speaking to a computer or a Ribot without emotions . Dont feel them they take u as objects u too start mirroring back to them and start speaking the truth if needed in public . Dont hide , this will shame them .

[@debbiegalica2992]

I needed this video 8 months ago. Everything you are saying is how I feel at times. Thank you.

[@heathermixson1265]

Where to start??? The beginning of knowing I was dealing with a self~absorbed problem of a man? When we first started talking 27 years ago.....I drove 45 minutes to surprise him....he was heading to get concert tickets.....did I get an invite to go or a loving response? Nope....just a, "Well, I hate to tell you this, but I gotta head to Beaufort to get concert tickets for me and a buddy....see you at work on Monday..." But did I pay attention to THAT obvious red flag? Again....no. Fast forward moving in together....looking back now? His only reasoning was to go against his dad...you see, they HATE being told no or anyone indicating they can't do something....EVER.

[@R.E.STARS24]

Every time I'd leave the narc and I'd make the dumb mistake of going back, he actually would admit how terrible he was to me. This made me believe that because he recognized his faults, he would be better... Now I see it was all a manipulation tactic to get me back, then be even worse than before. He would repeat this bs cycle every single time, admitting he was horrible but then doing it time and time again.

[@jennifermollett5878]

Over four years of a relationship I broke no contact three times and re-established the relationship each time. You are right Paula in stating that each time you reconcile you do not go back to square one but will have some learning each time. This last and final time the cyclic process was reinforced and I saw clearly who he was. The biggest factor that will now keep me from making contact again is that despite a great beginning, the bad times and hurt have now far outweighed what was good in the relationship. Funny though, it seems that focusing on the rejection process was actually blinding me from the quality of the relationship ! In other words my fears of being abandoned by this person was what I was focusing on and hiding the fact that the relationship was terrible and not meeting any of my needs. Emotional thinking I suppose.

[@NarcCon]

🌹🥰

[@kirstinkeagy3711]

Yep! Everyone says- just get over it. Block him! They don’t get it. Luckily I found a friend who’s been through it. She knows and is the best person to talk to about it. These videos help so much too!

[@tinastewart2146]

So I pass the stage of contacting the narcissist however I still find myself stalking him and the new supply. Not all the time, probably once or twice a month. I just want to see if karma was working. I know, I will try to work on that...

[@NarcCon]

Karma is ingrained in the personality disorder..keep going 🌹

[@eudaimoniac1606]

Work Hard in silence💪. Let your noise send the narc to hell.Thanks Paula for the great video

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@thrivingnow7395]

Indeed! Silence is golden.

[@terridillon3053]

5 months no contact. Thank you for being here for me.

[@NarcCon]

Thank you also for your soTerri 💓💓🌹

[@christo3635]

Im on 15 days.. Struggling with it !!

[@terridillon3053]

@@christo3635 Its so hard to wrap your mind around it. Hang in there. You'll feel better soon.

[@christo3635]

@@terridillon3053 I know..I was so good to her ,bought her all sorts of Christmas presents , I didn't even get as much as a card..Day after Christmas she borrow money money said she would pay back.. The next day she went ghost.

[@sherlesscinema2024]

Whether you discard the narcissist, or the narcissist discard you, it doesn't even matter because in there dysfunctional minds they left and discarded you first to everyone. That's the story they tell and play over in the crazy minds.

[@NarcCon]

Yes yes yes Sherless exactly correct 💓

[@darcybarwick6404]

Absolutely correct ... I left after I discovered it was having an affair That was my point of no return... to this day it still says that it told me to leave, they have to win at all costs

[@tracynewton3083]

P. S does anybody ever imagine the narc family you discarded, sitting in a group, chitter, chattering about us snidely???? All feeding each others egos, i do, but as a sensitive empath i would, i can still feel the hate even though their gone. 🤔 👍 🙏 💃

[@vikki-leec6169]

Yes I do, my exs family are all the same as him, I thought he was different bit I was wrong, they get off on our pain they are vile x

[@kimberlyl.mccauley8501]

I do feel it...I feel it all the time, especially when it was my birthday and they all text me at the same time. They have never reached out to me before until I finaly left their narc demon child, that they all had hand in creating... and all of them are demons. I knew it from the first time I met them. I just ignored my gut..but no more 3 months free! No contact..all access block but the flying monkeys come! I block them now too! Its Christmas 2020 and some how, some way I miss the pain! Please pray for me. 😔

[@seankan6373]

Paula, you touched my soul, in an amazing way. You are absolutely correct on every single level. I thank God for you.

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@christie991]

Paula is so right on saying don't break it if you have gone no contact. I have left my narc 3 times and he always manipulated me back. That time it cost me many thousands of dollars and more misery. Nothing changes. he just gets more of what he wants and has the satisfaction of letting everyone see "he did it again." So, what are you left with. More lies, more broken dreams, a little bit poorer, then you have to leave all over again. Save yourself. Do it on your own once and for all. That is where I am right now. Believe me it is so much better and you have made this big decision for the last time.. It's worth it, so worth it. And you can do it. Remember how good you feel when you finally make a decision that's been hanging over your head driving you crazy. End it for good. if I can do it you can. Believe it.

[@thrivingnow7395]

I believe it?

[@danielhiam5108]

Another reason for hesitation to end things is if your a male in the U.S.A. the court system total ruins you financially. When I finally could not take it anymore, it took me 10 years to dig out, and there were no kids involved.

[@taoster3638]

So sorry you had to go through this. In California, a no fault state, everything is split 50/50. Still very traumatic.I have heard other states can be very unfair. Actually I think the system is set up so that you will have to keep going back to court to keep the money flowing into the court system. Divorce is really horrible especially when divorcing a narc.

[@lynneivison5773]

Self help programmes had always given me the impression that I was as 'sick' as the narc. This increased my sense of unworthiness. You have persuaded me that I am essentially good but have problems with boundaries. A big 'thank you' Has changed my life.

[@JH-td4mn]

Thanks a million for this video Paula, I needed it today. 5 months no contact and feeling so much better, but some days I feel intensely lonely and miss the illusion the Narcissist created. I know he is despicable and treated me abominably so that makes no sense. Will rewatch this when I need to hear your reaffirming words. 💪🏻

[@bubblegum_01]

Not being able to block has kept me in the cycle for 5 years. I just can’t click that block button and yet I know that is my only option for a healthy future. 😢😢

[@sheilamurry9875]

Their determination is.To be determined to slowly chip at you and your values and steal and destroy your property all in love like they claim they have for you ....um...yeah....it is disgusting

[@maureenelizabethscott1535]

Excellent ! Thank you …loving a narcissist is brutal.

[@forensicbadassprofiling]

When the discard happens most of us don't even know whats happened. When people tell you just move on, they mean well. But they or us have no idea what gaslighting has done. What cognitive dissonance is. And we are in shock how evil we now see the ones we thought we loved. It's mortifying. Had I understood narcissism I may have done a zillion things differently. But thank God now we now have the incredible information education and community support. It'll be the hardest most demonic thing we endure. Because at the devastation after discard when we have no idea about triangulation or smearing yet. About the facade of them. So each stage is like healing but then a big reveal happens and sets you back in pain and hopelessness again. U feel such shame for not healing "good enough". My coaches n counselors remind me that we have relapses. That it's normal. That we've been through a war and its ok to relapse in pain bc of the shock we keep discovering. Paula I think its important we let survivors know about the narc storm ahead as well as years after recovery you begin to get new types of shocks w all the reveals that come forward. Thank you for all you do to help us through on this journey unlike anything anyone can imagine. Addiction is a brain process whether it's drugs alcohol or narcissistic abuse psychological manipulation.

[@GM-nf4bw]

I'm so glad I found you!!! Thank you!! I was itching to call him and found you!!! 14 day no contact!

[@NarcCon]

Stay with us 🌹

[@thrivingnow7395]

Keep strong x

[@user-eu6gr6dm7m]

I recommend victims / survivors watch the KZbin channel "HG Tudor - Knowing the Narcissist - Ultra". I learned soo much from that channel. Love your content Narc Con 🇮🇪 I left the relationship 3 months ago and completely cut him off. Not contacting them is you taking your power back.

[@christinehow3595]

The Evil Narcs Hoover you back . Just too discard you again . Then your back too square one for them too hurt you again. The video is soooooo right. Dont not contact them ok Why go through hell again , because that's where they will end up with the Devil. So glad I stayed strong and happy again . Stay strong !!!

[@jannlewandowski5540]

Hello Paula. I'm looking to Buddy up! I'm from USA, NJ. When I left him, it was forever, which broke my heart. I loved him, but when I found out he was a narcissist, I left. I suffered for over 2 years, I went into Therapy, read self-help books and went out with my friends. This was over 12 years ago. I got to a point where I just wanted to be alone. I am happy now, and I would rather be alone than be with another narcissist. GREAT TOPIC ❤

[@chrisspina6745]

Thank you Paula, this video got me to see that the low spots are normal. This was a tough weekend

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@revpitty001]

This is absolutely beautiful work, thank you anyone in New Zealand that needs a buddy im happy to chat

[@NarcCon]

Thanks so much ...welcome here..🙏🌹😊

[@sunnylittlejoshine]

🙏🏼👏🏼🌻

[@annetterobinson668]

I was having a really down night tonight,it's been almost a month since I went 'no contact'with my Narc best friend of 8 years,and it's not the first time,but it will be the last. (I had to go 'no contact' with my Narc father 3 years ago,so I know I can do it again) I just wanted to thank you so much Paula,it's nights like this that you are so much appreciated, you're like a beacon of light illuminating the dark fathomless pit of my shattered Psyche. I realize what I miss the most about my Narc,is the turmoil,the HIGH,the Roller Coaster up and down ride, that was constant. She even called herself the Goddess of Chaos,and that was IT in a nutshell. The Chaos inside the Fantasy,is but one of the things you get addicted to,and that addiction,in my view,is worse than any Opiate you'll ever come across. The pain is excruciating, when you try to extricate yourself,and rebuild your life,after the fact. You've become an adrenaline junkie! And now you feel dead. (Just a figure of speech,no worries, but that's what I feel like on the hard nights.) So thank you Paula,for helping me slowly kick the 'habit'. It's a long lonely road,that you make that much less lonely. I just wanted you to know that. I'm so grateful to have found you. Stay true, and stay blessed!💗

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@shaze8010]

Just want to share the power felt when you realize what the game was all along. It hurts like hell but finally you feel you are back in reality and things can only get better. The constant ambiguity and lack of clarity is torture .

[@NarcCon]

Back in reality I love this line 😊🙏

[@sheilamurry9875]

Alert,alert.....knowledge here....handle with care,and be concerned for your needs to be met and understand it wasn't your fault and there is better days ahead

[@marthalouise701]

That damn pull to contact is very real and very strong. He looked at me the way my Dad used to look at me. Starting calling me the same nickname that my Dad did. I feel this was intentional. Everything was going right in my life and wham, fell in love with him at first sight. I didn’t realize there was such a whole in my heart after my Dad passed away as my Mom was a Narc and I never properly attached to her. I know if I contact he will be there and he will be happy I did and say all the wonderful things to me. Like I’m so glad you contacted me, I’ve missed you, I’ve been anxiety ridden without you, your voice is so soothing to me. He will say all those things to me even though he discarded me and married the other woman.

[@NarcCon]

So sorry you went through this Martha..it would all be false..your dad will keep you safe..I believe they look after us still 💓

[@annemann9134]

The narc who contacted me was beautiful...very masculine...then love bombing...poems...love songs...messages of intense love...then bit by bit small digs...then requests for phone cards, money...always some new crisis...future faking about trips to Paris...then the marriage proposal...declaring undying love...eternally joined...loving me past death...on and on...then came the devalue...arguing back to things I would say especially if I stood up for myself and refusing to send money...then...the mask falls... Stating it is not over until he says it is over...super controlling...then screen shots of everything I said to be used against me at a latter time...gaslighting...making me look like I was nuts for seeing what I was seeing. One thing all ladies need to know...almost all narcs have money...they do not need any woman's money...they extract money from you to gain control...just a bug in your ear...if you want to know more about the personality disorder do your research online by reading clinical evaluations online...they give a very good over view of what it is.

[@mz.martinez1619]

Wow i love what you spoke it is so true its crazy. We didn't need them. They need us and use us as a punching bag.

[@amandak9488]

Thank you! It's so worth it going no contact. I'm at almost 2 months and it's a challenge some days but overall I'm grateful that I'm growing. I woke up.

[@vibehigh5280]

Been watching this video of yours for the Nth time. Couldn't get enough lol I really love how you explain things up here. Yes I will share and educate other people. It's like sharing God's love and forgiveness.

[@NarcCon]

Thank you so much 😊

[@raanfo]

Oh Paula - on point as always - "the dip" - the dreaded dip! I know this only too well. This is the time I feel most vulnerable during No Contact. A 4 month relationship, no devulation, no warning and then I was the discardee. I instilled No Contact

[@alanbennett7017]

I can still hear the refrain, "Move On". I realise those people were only repeating what the Narcissistic was telling them about me before I'd even been discarded. Thanks Paula for another great video.

[@CynthiaAva]

I needed to hear the beginning of this video. I have been on a journey toward no-contact for so long. It is very difficult when you share a child with this entity. There have been so many hoovers.

[@NarcCon]

Strength to you girl 💓🌹

[@jeffreyomalley2458]

So very thankful for this community and your leadership, Paula. Raising my hand to join a buddy or buddies. I'm in the Washington DC area USA but can be flexible vis-a-vis timing.

[@tinac6114]

It's been well over a year since the Narc & parted ways. I feel off the wagon several times on NC only to be disappointed everytime. I can now look at him when I run into him & think...wow...what in the world did I see in him? It will happen it just takes time. I was at a school event last night & there was me & my husband...in front of us was the Narc & NS...Narcs ex wife...NS ex hubby & we all made this perfect triangle. I thought how odd! I watched the NS rub the Narcs back & kiss on him & all I could think was...you left your good-looking husband & 4 young girls for HIM OR THAT?!!! Thank the Lord it's her & not me! Thank you for the video!❤

[@ruperttravis6939]

This advice is spot on. Thanks Paula, stronger every day, long voyage ahead.

[@rockyguy3763]

Thanks for posting this.I have been doing so good lately,until this morning.i woke up wondering if i should reach out to her today,although knowing i shouldnt.This video showed up on my feed just in time.Thank you

[@NarcCon]

I’m glad it was timely thanks 🙏 🌹

[@christo3635]

Stay no contact I'm on 15 days !!

[@preethachandy5113]

Excellent speech, actually I was depressed, when he discarded me, until now iam unable to forget him and still depresses me when I think if him Seeing these videos I came to know he us a covert narcissit, and heating these speeches and watching videos iam undergoing the healing process slowly. Thank God for sending these psychologists , councillors, therapists, and narcsurvivor for their experiences , good advises and new ideas. Must really thank them.

[@No-Name-f8p]

You have beautiful skin ❤ Yes, we feel joy and contentment without the Narc.

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@claudiaaguilar6845]

After going no contact I set about the business of putting back everything in my life that I had before I met him. It was great!

[@richardborowski5463]

H g tudor is excellent on the topic to .

[@antoinettegorman8833]

Hi Richard . I thought the same about h g . But I was having anxiety and couldn’t sleep? While listening to him, I’m not being bad . But I think his messages are subliminal and I’ve stopped listening. Look up trace face it . And spiritual whistleblower and assc direct good luck

[@richardborowski5463]

@@antoinettegorman8833 yes I know trace she is very good , I have been following hans wilhelm all day it’s not about narcissist but about human and spiritual behaviour which also makes you grasp about narcissism .

[@mammabear4334]

@@antoinettegorman8833Jesse at Narcissist Chronicles is brilliant also

[@vibehigh5280]

@@antoinettegorman8833 hey me too! So i stopped listening to him. My gut is telling me something is eeky too. Try prof sam vaknin, doctor ramani. 😊

[@marymitchell3422]

@@antoinettegorman8833 Ms. Gorman as helpful as HG Tudor is bottom line he is a narcissist demon seed demonic spirit he's not an Empath, i listened to him for about a year very helpful though. God bless you. 😊

[@stellasofroniou9209]

Good morning beautiful soul I needed to hear this I love this video and your powerful words of wisdom gave me the boost of energy and strength to be no ones harem or punching bag I’m almost 6 months no contact and was missing the fake good times and have nightmares about him and another woman ,,,your words urged me to continue my healing journey I deserve to be some mans number one and only choice thank you sooooo much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@NarcCon]

Thanks Stella that’s great and absolutely loved properly by someone worthy of you ❤️🌹🌹

[@windysmith7367]

❤

[@CarolRemen-nt8wp]

Going no contact for a year now has helped me to disengage, plan my life and healing. I am still learning about my true self and am stronger now. It was a very tough job along with counseling. So far am enjoying life with even very little funds. I learned to love myself. Yet, yes Paula there are slight dips occasionally and look outside the window not thinking much. I do put on music or go for a walk. I have no desire to make a place in my mind for the narc. Don't want to fall backwards. Looking forward to continued healing and the hope of a better me & future.

[@callmeamber]

I have just found you on KZbin and I think you are amazing.... Thank you 😊

[@NarcCon]

Hey..thank you very much 🙏🌹

[@sarasol4677]

As you talked I couldn't help crying. You were describing my healing journey, my ups and downs, my feelings, my falling apart over and over eventhough ten months have already passed and I sometimes feel ashamed at the unspeakable thought of breaking this so far unpolluted no contact. THANK YOU, Paula, ever

[@NarcCon]

Oh Sara..sending you hugs 🌹

[@dorothywalker5411]

GREAT ADVICE!!!

[@sw1564]

you have a great way of explaining what a person goes through and feels after narcissistic abuse.. it's been a year since my divorce from my narcissistic ex husband, and I still struggle with some of the things you talked about in the video .But what you said makes me feel like I'm not so alone, and that it's normal to have the ups and downs.. You are an encouraging and lovely person ❤️

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹

[@micktaylor1991]

I found a good thing when I went no contact his to delete all numbers you have for the narc and if the narc contacts you delete the contact number. If you contact the narc they tell the new supply your a nutter that will not leave them alone. They ve already told everyone your gonna phone orvtect and cause trouble mick

[@stinaseemer4811]

You grow with every time you succeed in keeping no contact and so you get more and more whole

[@kimberlyl.mccauley8501]

Thank you for helping me on this journey! ❤

[@lorip.9836]

Bravo, bravo... and all SO correct!! 👏 Paula is so spot-on. You want to avoid contacting the narcissist like you want to avoid cutting off your oxygen or ability to breathe - and certainly to heal. Soon the pain and despair of their absence will start turning into beautiful Gems of recovery and health. I am only 5 months post-discard, but each new month has brought me to a new and stronger, healthier place. Now I actually pray I DON’T get hoovered. That’s how thankful I now am for his absence in my life. If I can get to 5 months No Contact, I can get to 6 months. If I can get to 6 months, I can get to 7 months, then 8.... and soon 12 months!!.... by just working on myself and sticking to it a day at a time. And so can you! Paula’s videos and many of your comments have helped me greatly. Please just make each day a commitment to your new, much healthier life and future. Don’t ever “make their day” at your own very great expense by contacting them - just get your focus right back on you!!! Treat your No Contact like a real Treasure Chest, and Protect it! It is a truly a great investment, each and every day (even moment) you invest into it. I promise you, you CAN stick to this journey and you will be SO glad you did! Love to all 💜🙏

[@NarcCon]

Miss Lori you are speaking to someone who needs to hear this thank you 🙏 ❤️❤️

[@miriam3730]

I love this video. It gives me strength, thank you 🙏🏻

[@ancientrosewater]

Thank you love 💗 this was beautifully presented!

[@NarcCon]

🙏💓

[@randallbrinkman2570]

Just had a conversation , regarding the loneliness, it's intensity . Twofold , we experience the loneliness in its intensity , as that has been repressed , for most of us most of our lives . Secondly we have been called out , and we are becoming aware , we don't speak the same language . As you point out so distinctly Paula , even when we attempt to share what we are going through, we are not understood . We maybe don't realize at first , we are not the same , or will ever be , our spirit is alive ! And we are trying to make sense using our own intelligence , but this is spiritual , and can't be explained away with earthly reasoning . We are learning who we realky are , and what it is to be a spiritual being , and how to care for our spirit , that's been , oppressed, denied , repressed , ignored . And we are surrounded by people , that it's like waking someone up , they are not awake , and trying to have a charged conversation , and their looking at us , huh ? Can't you see, I am comfy here ! Take it somewhere else would you.

[@stephanieodom5825]

This is so true, the initial awakening/ awareness that we have. We have to break out of that abusive comfort zone! It is SO HARD to come to the realization of our loneliness, isolation, enmeshed and damaged selves when we are so raw and naked. But we must! We must heal ourselves!! No one else can do it for us!! I am at the awakening stage again, after the... 🤔 how many take-backs... it feels just like the brand new pain I have endured previously and I now feel covered with shame from "I knew better but did it anyway." 🥺 I pray for our souls. 💔💣💥

[@tinajones5548]

My patience kept me in, my stubbornness kept me out in the beginning. Now I have gained sooo much knowledge ( thanks narc, you made me educate myself)!!! I'm glad I stuck at it. It gets easier, I promise. One of my mantras " you don't deserve to see my face or hear my voice " . Stay strong. Thank you Paula .....

[@MrEnver2]

Teach me lovely lady you teached me a lot about narcissist and how to continue after leaving them. Thank you for everything, finally someone telling us how they use us empaths....God's bless...

[@NarcCon]

Thanks for your support bless you too 🙏🌹

[@irvingmartinez474]

Strength of an “OX” .... I love it. Thank you 👍🏽

[@beblessed4025]

Amazing message ! Liberating ! By far, one of the best video I have heard about the no contact. 💯. Thank you sincerely 🙏🏽

[@NarcCon]

Thank you for this 🙏🌹

[@taoster3638]

Thank you for everything you do. Your videos have really helped me to keep going and there is no going back, no way!! I encourage you to go no contact and stay the course. Just like a bad drug, going back may feel good for a little while, relapsing is going to set you back and you may just hit a new low. I know I did. Just seeing him and hearing his rhetorical future faking, even though I did not take the bait, triggered depression and feelings of low self esteem. These people are toxic to your soul.

[@nancyfeke9585]

Once again...excellent advice and knowledge. I'm taking it all in, for I have broken no contact many times. Each time is longer in between. Each time, I learn more. Each time, I chastise myself for doing so. 2.5 yrs and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole experience.

[@Daytheme]

Thank you 🙂👍💯

[@freeindeed5393]

So glad to find this channel! Narc abuse channels were a big part of my recovery for a good 18 month season after going no contact. It is rare now for me to watch narc recovery channels! Why you ask? Because I went and stayed no contact! t first I counted the days, weeks, months, and now years of no contact! No contact breaks the trauma bond! You will heal! You will recover! I never look on social media to see what the ex narc is up to! She popped up on a friends channel after I was 6 months no contact and it triggered me to reach out to her! Don’t do it! You will get your joy back! But only if you stay no contact! If is critical!!

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹