Why Isn't My Life Changing?

[@leeeshuh]

if all you have is 10%, then 10% is actually 100%. i appreciate your radical honesty.

[@jasminetafoya4802]

Let it be all over the place. Don't apologize. We are here for you - your joy, your life, your love, your words, your message. We relate.

[@jasminetafoya4802]

Another thing - you don't need the answers, the solutions, nothing. Your presence reminds us that what we are feeling is real and that this community is here. Little steps, baby steps. You are only one human, & you've been though a lot!

[@jasminetafoya4802]

There are a million things you CAN do, you COULD do. This video is something you did do. Let it come, let it flow. but let it be at your own pace. I appreciate your vulnerability, your openness.

[@FUN2SEE100]

HOW ARE YOU IN MY HEAD???? Are you my fairy godmother?? No, but seriously, thank you for your words. These are things that I know and yet, seem to be reminded of constantly. This rush to just BE this person I want to be and just skip the moments of stress and struggle that it takes to get there. At the end of the day, I need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. I have so many strategies to avoid these situations that I now don’t have the tools to face them head on. I need to practice and develop the courage it takes to face my fears. And I can promise you this, I WILL get there!! With rants and choas, but I believe in myself 😤😤😤 And thank you for believing in me too ❤

[@TheDevilSauce]

Hey, I saw your interview and was moved by your experience. I'm dealing with my own past lately and how it affects my day to day. I hear you saying a lot of things that sound like you're being very hard on yourself. I can't speak to your experience but it seems like you're still in the process and it's a very intensive process for anyone who is going through a journey of healing. You don't have to help others if you don't have the bandwidth to do so, and that's nothing at all to feel bad about! It was helpful for me to even see you being vulnerable and sharing your experiences and describing a lot of feelings that are very similar to ones I have had for most of my adult life. I think that you shouldn't discount the value of just telling your story and going through your process on your own terms. I know this isn't SUPER applicable but a saying I really like: You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep anybody else warm. Or another: you can't pour from an empty cup. If you are at the point in your journey where all you have the capacity for is working on your own stuff, that isn't bad or selfish or wrong and you're not hurting anyone else by focusing on yourself, your safety, and your peace of mind. Sending hugs and well wishes and I applaud how brave you are to confront the things that are challenging you.

[@FUN2SEE100]

Gosh, it’s like all of you have this key to my brain and are just pouring all the words I need to hear. Even though it’s taking me a month to read them all, I’m sorry 😭😭😭 but you’re absolutely right. I think I forget that I can just…exist. I don’t know why I’m expecting to be this big KZbinr with all these edits and cuts and fancy screens. Maybe because it’s what I want to do? Per my first two KZbin videos doing a clothing haul lol, I do genuinely enjoy editing. But I also should beat myself up for not having the time, or memory space, to do so. I also think that you guys don’t enjoy my ranting videos. So again, I have a lot of anxiety that my videos aren’t “good” enough. More stuff I have to work through, because clearly that doesn’t seem to be the case! Thank you for taking the time to comment and remind little ole me to just take a deep breath, and focus on getting my things in order. Also! I really like the fire analogy. That really resonated, maybe because I probably would put endanger myself for the extent of someone’s well being. I’ll be sure to use that from now on

[@starbaby2001]

you're very relatable to me, more than most, the way you express your thoughts makes me feel less alone in my way of thinking honestly, and makes me feel more 'normal' idk

[@FUN2SEE100]

I’m so glad you feel that way!! If there’s one thing I hope to do is make people feel less alone, so I’m happy to hear I was able to do that ☺️

[@landi76]

*thank you for sharing for story, greetings from austria vienna !* with the right set and setting and a tripsitter i made my best experience with magic mushrooms to get back in time as an adult to fix things from my childhood what went wrong

[@FUN2SEE100]

Thank you for sharing, and from Austria!! 😱 the first time I ever saw snow was actually in Austria! It’s funny that you mentioned your experience, the first time I ever experience “ego death” was while taking molly with Carlos during a conversation. That moment changed my entire life, and I even made a note on my phone that read: “the day I grew up”. That was on January 4th, 2020.

[@bokistotel]

Great content!

[@xnoxname9547]

I feel like this video is for me. I feel like I am in the same situation as her. I also struggle to wake up early and do simple tasks. I always fail my exams. I always tell my self that I want to change but I always fall into my bad habits. And I can't just get rid of them. I lack structure. I want to change but i can't. I also feel stuck and I feel like I am procrastinating my whole life away. Going late to bed. At least I am not alone. I feel so misrable it goes onto my selfesteem. And feel like I am so weak. I always fall into this awful vicious cycle.

[@timetraveler9518]

Me too

[@FUN2SEE100]

God, am I still there. Right now, all I’ve done to get myself out of that cycle was asking for help. Is that going to work? I don’t know. But I’ll be sure to document every step I take in the hopes that whatever works for me will hopefully work for someone else. And that in the process you know that you’re not alone and that with time, change can happen ❤

[@samson3523]

I do the exact same thing!!! It's so hard.

[@you-vi2tm]

Ah swweeetttiieee!!! I also have c-ptsd and I'm your age and I feel exactly like you!! You're amazing! I sometimes feel like dying because what's the point of it all, but I have realized it's just about seeing what will happen. The society will change, the reality will change, we will change. We don't need to change, we can just watch it all changing. There is nowhere to go. In a way I struggle sooo much more than many people, but I feel like there is a depth in me that whatever happens in the world, I just can sit back and watch. I feel there is deeper meaning in everything. I also don't have any tips how to get better, but part of me has realized that it doesn't even matter.. it's all much mystical than we understand. Sending you so much love and just want to tell that I am very similar to you in many ways and I can see that you are so great and so enough. 🧡

[@FUN2SEE100]

You said exactly what I experience every single day. And that’s the problem with change, you know it’s going to happen and that it’s inevitable. In a way, when I watch others it feels like their change happens so quickly where as mine seems to be taking years for even an inch of growth. I too don’t have any solutions. I’m not a spiritual person, but I definitely feel as if life isn’t a rigid as people make it out to be. Life is complex yet simple at the same time. Nothing matters meaning everything matters. It’s a delicate balance to walk between, and I’m still learning how to stabilize myself. I’ve been in the negative side for a long time but I know it’s just a mindset. Thank you for your support and taking the time to comment. Sending all my love back and wishing you all the very best in your journey!! 🤍🤍

[@edensully]

helloooo, I just finished seeing your interview with Chris from a year ago and while I am watching this one now, I just wanted to say : thank you for making me feel much less alone. everything you mentioned during the interview touched me deeply, as I lived through similar experiences and dealt with them in similar ways. I realized it earlier this year, in March to be precise, at one of my best friends house, and I never cried so much in my life. to be able to see and understand what made me, me, was eye-opening and also so scary. I thought I was alone. felt lost quite a lot of times. still do, sometimes. but you made me realize I am not. we don't know each other but I felt such radiant energy coming from you and I hope you know your light. thank you for being a voice for us, it soothes the mind to know we are not alone in this crazy world. take the greatest care, goodbye 😘

[@FUN2SEE100]

Wow thank you so much for your kind words!!! I’m so happy to hear you had a friend with you that made you feel safe enough to process all those emotions. It’s a tough journey when it comes to healing, but there’s no right way to do it as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thank you again for sharing your story and I wish you all the best in your journey ❤️❤️ Happy Holidays!! 🎉

[@e6ensperception]

I can completely relate (except the honesty part) but i mean word for word i can relate. Lack of showering, lack of self care, lack of eating. Please keep rambling. We can relate to you. You seem like a great person, very emotionally intelligent. Please dont be scared to believe in yourself! For me identity issues are partly the root cause but i cant speak for you, all i know is you had the nuts to get online and tell the truth. Most people dont do that! So i respect you a lot for this video. Just subscribed

[@FUN2SEE100]

Thank you so much for your comments!!! Identity definitely plays a hand to how I feel, for a long while I was nobody and anybody. The only times I was myself was when I was alone. Luckily getting older has helped a bit but it’s something I’m still trying to figure out! I wish you all the best! ☺️

[@e6ensperception]

@@FUN2SEE100 welcome and thanks!

[@junior_cptsd]

You know what? I think too video journal is quite interesting. I (and I would say us survivors) spend so much of my time in my head with intrusive thoughts, memories and this annoying inner talk that never goes down. Few weeks ago I discovered that video journaling is a weird way to talk to myself, look at myself while spiraling. Thanks for sharing, you reminded me that I need to keep video journaling.

[@FUN2SEE100]

yes yes!! Everything you said! Honestly, as I get more comfortable talking to a camera, its practically turning into the conversations i already have in my head. I've already video journaled for myself in the past as a way to connect intense emotions I'm feeling. But these feel different. I don't know, it's like its forcing me to be more honest with myself. Anyways, I'm starting to ramble lol. Thank you for taking the time to comment!! Good luck with your video journals!!

[@Coolcats-cb7yx]

Hi, I watched Chris' video and I started to follow you because of similar events in my life. You sharing your experience is helpful even if you don't know what you're doing. I tried to gain access to the serve but I was unable to. I have been going to therapy for PTSD doing PE therapy and it has been challenging to say the least. Self love is soo hard when your childhood shamed and traumatized you haha. I currently feel stuck as well even when making progress the pit in my stomach is so big it feels like a never ending fall. I think you are very brave for sharing this and appreciate it. I am also in a relationship (with a great kind sweet person) that exposes how hurt and altered my perception of the world is. It all very hard, and we have been told to feel bad ourselves and this is such a big step to rejecting that engrained thought pattern. A big problem I struggle with is accepting/believing that people actually want to help me through those messy emotion, because I don't want to myself. I am also facing the potential to move back in with my abuser so yeah, scrambling. Anyway, haha I'm writing a lot too but we're not alone. I look forward to the community you are trying to cultivate and am on this healing journey along side you.

[@FUN2SEE100]

Hello! First, thank you so much for taking the time to comment! And thank you for sharing your story with me! You’re absolutely right, relearning self love is so incredibly hard. And during the toughest moments, I also find it hard to believe that the people around me actually want to put up with me and want to help. I hope that you’re able to solve the situation with your abuser, that’s always so complicated once they’re back in your life again :( And I updated the link for the discord server in my bio, so let me know if it works!! I would love for you to join :) And never apologize for writing too much!! I love reading comments, so the more the better!! Wishing you all the best 🤍🤍

[@kikicvt]

Omg, I can relate so much.....

[@you-vi2tm]

Also what I got from your videos is that it's shame! All over the video is shame. Same for me. Let's look at the shame. Let it be. Accept it. Love it. 💛

[@FUN2SEE100]

Shame is my biggest enemy. I was raised with shame and it follows me everywhere. Acceptance and honesty is something I’m working on!! With time, I’ll get there! Shame in itself is not a bad thing. There is something to be learned from it!

[@MiaMia-lb2iy]

I feel you. Been there before. I want to change too, and I feel like I have yet ... There's always something that'll test our mental strength and it's a fucking wild. I want to be a better person but sometimes I honestly don't have the fucking energy to do better. Or maybe that's just a excuse I give myself to not do self care. I understand you and appreciate your fire honesty🔥

[@FUN2SEE100]

I’m so glad you relate, and completely understand your comment!! I struggle so much with whether I’m exhausted from fighting everyday, or I’m just being lazy and giving up. I tell myself as long as I wake up, it’s a chance to try. And trying is better than not. You got this!!! I’m rooting for you! ☺️😤

[@luislopez-tx4tl]

hi papa, for the longest time I have felt so frustrated and annoyed with myself because like how do you talk about this stuff with people who probably dont get it and if they do 😅. I think you’re very brave, compassionate and caring to be sharing this on the internet and your willingness to help us. I think you are good person and good people have flaws and struggles and ask for help and you do all of that. although alot of us went through that stuff alone, this little digital cluster can help us go through it together. see ya in the chat!

[@FUN2SEE100]

Ahh thank you!!!! Honestly, I don’t even see myself as brave! I personally love to talk to anyone that will listen, but I won’t lie, it feels lonely. Even if people seem to “understand”, they truly don’t unless they’ve gone through similar experiences as me. It can feel isolating and sometimes, makes me feel like a little kid when I’m in stressful situations with people who don’t “get it”. But honestly, I do these videos for people like you. And for myself. Thank you so much for your support. It really does comfort me to know I can just express myself and have at least ONE person not just listen, but hear what it is I’m saying. Have an amazing day and wishing you all the best 🤍❤️

[@e6ensperception]

Also i love this video format. The strutcure is actually very good. You dont know what you said in 17 mins bc you got it all out in words, and we understood you! Just keep going!!! Thats how things will change, keep going through the hardest parts

[@Ra-heem]

Amazing video! Ps you would make great Asmr your voice is so relaxing 🤩

[@FUN2SEE100]

Ahhh thank you!! First time anyone’s ever said that 😁

[@JadeAzar]

This was great! ❤😂 You're funny 😁

[@christopherwellman2364]

I would love that.

[@user-ho3oe2qi6t]

Me too.. wanting to change my life since 2018 but everything i tried hasnt worked so far 😢😅

[@FUN2SEE100]

I think as long as we keep trying, things will slowly get better. Like that metaphor of how we take little steps at a time, but when you look back, you realize how far you’ve walked. Cliché, but true. We got this!! 😤

[@lauspeaksup]

Hi, I just want to say hello and hope that you get a chance to read this. I have watched your videos and I see the trend that you have so much guilt because you “can’t figure out your life” or “can’t change”. You have lots of obvious obstacles and challenges that have not allowed that “change” to happen. Not that my opinion matters at all, but I just wanted to say this from a place of love. I think you need to allow yourself some grace and forgiveness. It is NOT your fault that you are struggling even when you think you’re being “lazy” for not getting things done, for not waking up early, and not being a “good” person. You are not your mistakes or your past. Don’t let your anxiety and self-loathing disable you from seeing the strength within you that can bloom when you forgive yourself and surrender. I don’t know if you believe in God or a higher power but I can only speak from personal experience, when I allowed myself to surrender all my troubles and anxieties to God and saw myself at rock bottom I was able to let go of all those things that I thought I needed to be. These past two years have been the hardest ever but I now know that I don’t have to carry all those crosses alone, that Jesus paid the price for me up on the cross and He helps me through my suffering and troubles. I will keep you in my prayers and really hope you get to read this and maybe something resonated with you. Much love.

[@FUN2SEE100]

While I don’t believe in a higher power, I feel like you spoke directly to my heart. I’ve thought about your comment for weeks now. WEEKS!!! You saw right through me. I can be just a pit of self hate sometimes. Its had time to fester within me from childhood up until today. It’s funny because that hatred is so real, and so deep, I can almost separate it and look at it, like it’s its own person. And you wanna know what it looks like? A child. A little child, who’s just angry at the world. Angry at herself. It makes me sad. It makes me want to hug this girl who rejected love like it was the plague. I know for me to truly accept myself, I’m going to have to learn to love who I am. All of it, including that self loathe. I hope with comments like yours, I’m reminded that there’s strength within me and that if I can’t see it, there are others who believe that I can. Thank you, and bless you so much ❤️❤️ have an amazing rest of your week ☺️🥰

[@Kbcappetta377]

Hey me too! I haven’t made any videos yet tho.

[@FUN2SEE100]

I JUST made a video!! Hahaha your turn 😈

[@christopherwellman2364]

I will never edit my memory of you

[@sharissharee-pm2kq]

You are such a beautiful woman anyways I suffer the same things. I have lost interest in general no motivation but I know am very creative if only I could do that without worrying about money. I can't do my creativity because because am always paying bills. Everything is boring

[@FUN2SEE100]

I completely understand how you feel, it’s hard to be creative when life demands your attention. I hope you’re able to find your spark soon! ⚡️

[@christopherwellman2364]

I know there are people like me.

[@porcelinaiscariot]

Hey. Just checking on you. Have you been able to wake up earlier in the morning lately? Hugs

[@FUN2SEE100]

I haven’t 😔 although!!! I had a recent schedule change where I go into work 30 mins later. It’s only 30 mins but when I add that to the time I already wake up TECHNICALLY I’m waking up an hour earlier!! So, all that to say, moving forward I shall be waking up at 7, to leave work at 8 😌😌😌 no need to applaud, pshh it’s nothing lol

[@univuniveral9713]

Change isn't always positive. Why do you need change.

[@FUN2SEE100]

You’re absolutely right, change isn’t always positive. But I think the change I’m looking for is how I view my life. My perspective of myself is so low that I become my biggest obstacle in my life. Sure, there might be other outside limitations, but they’re things I can overcome. Yet, I don’t, because I don’t believe I can. I can SAY I can, but when the time comes, I run. That coward was in me is what I want to change

[@univuniveral9713]

@@FUN2SEE100 I see. One psychologist says we should read fun and exciting stories which are set in unexpected locations. I have just read Bleeding Stubs, set in Cameroon. It is short and fun.

[@tina_jump4532]

@@univuniveral9713 I have read it. It is so different from anything written by an African author.

[@FUN2SEE100]

I like this idea! I’ll definitely give it a try, thanks for the suggestion!!

[@damson9470]

aries?

[@FUN2SEE100]

Unfortunately, I am a libra

[@ThinLinesOfEyeliner]

What's the discord server?

[@FUN2SEE100]

HELLO IM SORRY ITS TAKEN ME A MONTH IM A TERRIBLE PERSON ITS discord.com/invite/HNCBqxYJjk?fbclid=PAAaZ4BSE2cBEzZ36-bFkZXsJzOo0zm25IITJrKYb6GGpaNsO72nbb9zI_3II_aem_th_AaquFpffSfBruQipXK8aRgawWDsSv2A_jSJvEvzIzld4md5emMmkCGP4XA95bBtiZZc

[@acrylicpourerer6992]

i've been wanting to change my life since 2018 lolol same

[@FUN2SEE100]

hey, it took me 7 years to taste a hint of change. It takes time but it’s possible!!

[@charleenhudson4746]

have you tried transcendental meditation?

[@ElethuDuna]

What is that, please explain.

[@user-ho3oe2qi6t]

Are you seeing a therapist and social worker. They might help you w goal setting

[@FUN2SEE100]

I’m not currently. I had the opportunity to meet with a therapist but I chose not to go last minute. Planning on getting on board again though!

[@pattayaesl7128]

Get an SD card for your phone

[@jon5207]

Type shit

[@e6ensperception]

Love your personality. Wish i could find people like you on these bs dating apps 😂

[@teaadvice4996]

Shes outta your league

[@e6ensperception]

@@teaadvice4996 I meant this as a compliment Mr. guy🙏🏾 I relate to the channel and appreciate someone willing to be honest so openly to so many people. I have respect for it. I say it like that bc I have trouble finding cool honest people like her on apps and irl. If I came on too strong I apologize but lets all keep it positive Mr guy 🤷🏾‍♂️ no harm no foul

[@FUN2SEE100]

You didn’t come off strong at all! It’s all love here and I completely understand what you’re saying. Unfortunately looks doesn’t equate to being a decent human being, just means you’re nice to look at. From all your previous comments, you definitely have a personality I would vibe with. Thanks for your support ❤️❤️

[@e6ensperception]

@@FUN2SEE100 welcome! well said, I have since deleted dating apps & social media, in fact I switched my sim card from a smartphone to a 'feature phone" full time this month, now i only check youtube on my laptop. One reason I did this is to find more genuine people and you are proof of concept to that theory. thanks for brightening my day :D

[@e6ensperception]

@@FUN2SEE100 gives people like me more hope knowing people like you are out there! thanks for the kind words and confidence to put your life on display for others to perceive and learn from :) keep being you!

[@tina_jump4532]

Start writing books. Do you read a lot of fiction?

[@FUN2SEE100]

I used to write poetry when I was younger, but I’ve thought about journaling. I don’t read much nowadays but I do like fiction!