Why Men REALLY Shut Down

[@YoFreshWiggy]

There’s another factor; a lot of the time when a man opens up about himself, suddenly everything he says gets weaponized against him.

[@GtsAntoni1]

Or you can see the negative subconscious reaction, despite their good intentions.

[@thegrimharvest]

At least police are required to notify you that anything you say can AND will be used against you. With women you have to learn that the hard way.

[@briandering4182]

Even YEARS later...

[@2bituser569]

@@thegrimharvestlearn it the easy way by observing your female family members.

[@pureone8350]

Yup. I once expressed my feelings to my ex years back. She acted all touchy and sad for me, but then a few days later she started using it against me. "Go wallow in your sadness."

[@jasonallen1712]

Every time I've shown vulnerability I have been punished for it in some way.

[@jonathanmcgrath6144]

Sorry bud

[@thebigape2x468]

Recently happened to me just not the right woman sometimes u show vulnerability and they take advantage won’t be opening up any time soon

[@Truth-is-King]

@@thebigape2x468- they pretty much all do it. Be careful brother.

[@texasgent4694]

​@@Truth-is-King Yeah it's pretty much impossible to show weakness/vulnerability around a woman without getting dinged for it

[@joshtoy]

Ironic how my wife wanted me to open up emotionally. When I finally started to, she left. Found a new guy and moved on as if we hadn’t been married for 14 years. I even explained to her how I felt if I opened up that I was always afraid of how her and the kids would react. I’m supposed to be the rock, stoic, unbreakable. But if I appear broken, how would they feel or react. If I cried, would they sink too?! Nope. She walked away. Even though I stuck by her side during her depression and anxiety, and her stage 4 Cancer diagnosis. The moment I sank, it was so easy to move on for her. It’s mind boggling and tragic all at once. Makes me question all women. The idea of what love and support is from a partner. I can’t help but be left feeling like the only positive that came out of our marriage was our kids. Everything else just feels like a wasted effort. I lost just about everything in this divorce and I’m left feeling like I don’t even want to put any effort into anyone else. I’m over her, it took awhile. But it still crushed my spirit and perception.

[@yarddawg8287]

Safest way to not be betrayed; keep it to yourself. That isn't paranoia, it's a life lesson I've learned the hard way.

[@cansabanci]

As millions of us did

[@wooddogg8]

You couldn't be more correct.

[@JuanAppleseed-ge6tb]

Yepppp. I tell every dude to LIE his ass off when it comes to being vulnerable. If a chick tells you to open up, she is literally just gathering information to use against you in a future argument 💯💯💯

[@PolarExpress_11-10]

I you are not in the clique, then don't talk about it.

[@DTraiN5795]

@@JuanAppleseed-ge6tbit’s not just used against you. It’s what their idea is of a man. If you tell them perfectly normal rational thoughts then they lose respect for you and their feelings. It’s the idea of a man bc everyone has lied, not told, and will continue lying about it. They can’t fathom they get lied to so much and also can’t handle truth really well either for whatever reason. Could be many reasons for this

[@user-jm7kc4bm8m]

When you are at your lowest they leave. They only come when you are at your best.

[@Authentic_og]

Well fricking said....spot on.

[@Help_In_Need]

There was one saying I forgot, but it went like. ,,If they cannot be there during your defeat, they are not worthy of being there during your victory."

[@weinstocksart6155]

Fucken true had my wife leave right before heart surgery. Fucking true.

[@shelphillips8692]

​@weinstocksart6155 that's f*cringe awful. I'm sorry.

[@kanevivi]

I forgot this. Thank you.

[@PBAJ10]

The first time a man shows you his emotions and you hold it against him will be the last time he'll show you his emotions.

[@trevorsreya8277]

My mom still wonders why I wont open up to her.

[@yetanothertroll]

Most men learned this from their mothers

[@pavlovsdogman]

Ive learnt to talk to my male friends, brothers and father if i want a real conversation about the issues men suffer in silence. Ive had depression since i can remember but i hide it well and i never spoke to a doctor about till i was 30. The one women i can say I actually loved in my life seemed intelligent and caring enough to open up to about the topic. I was struggling with some heavy losses which made my depression escalate so i decided for the first time in my life im gonna talk about my depression with someone who isnt a doctor. I sat my GF down one day and explained i had whats known as major depressive disorder and i was feeling particularly down due to personal issues, i told her how much i cared for her and just asked that she give me some slack if i acted sad or distracted because it would pass and i would be back to "normal" soon. She just stared at me then said in the coldest tone ive heard "every person on earth has depression so get over yourself and stop being weak!". It took all my strength not to scream at her and tell her "No! Not every human on fucking earth has a major depressive disorder! Ive had it 20 years and im still here! If you had it a month you would probably kill yourself because your so mentally weak and gutless!" I just said fuck it! It took me a lot of strength and honesty to share my secret but sadly i chose to share it with a selfish bitch who thought it was a joke or non existent! It hurts being let down like that by a long term partner but i dumped her immediately and moved on. My friends and brothers actually ended up being the ones who helped me feel normal again. They all share a mutual hatred of her for what she did and it feels good to talk about it with real men who understand and care enough to listen and offer advice! None of them said "get over it!". Adult male suicide is a pandemic in the western world and women treating their partners potential mental illness or psychological disorder as "weakness" is a big part of the problem! Its extra insulting to hear that shit from someone who you loved, looked after and helped whenever they were down or feeling sad! Im not expecting a partner to cure my condition or even treat it in any way? We just want some sign of loyalty and some kind supportive words! If a woman reacts correctly in that situation she will earn a lot of respect, loyalty and love from her BF! Remember that next time a friend or partner asks for some help or reaches out to you, when we ignore men in these situations they sadly become prone to addiction, depression and ultimately suicide! We are all our brothers keepers! 🙏👍🧐

[@johniejoyce8876]

Here I am thinking I’m the only one…Yeah I’ll second this. You’re never getting any emotions out of him again if you make him feel subhuman ONE TIME.

[@RexCognitionis]

Thanks for playing everyone. This is the perfect comment. The comments can now be closed on this video.

[@elfrad1714]

I am a 62-year old male. If there is one thing I have learned in my life it is that a man can only cry in front of his male friends and his mother.

[@gatorssbm]

Even the mother example is kinda shaky because mine did not want me to cry at all and it conditioned me to shut out from people and my emotions. Until I found my current girlfriend, it took near half a year to open up and as scary as it was Im so happy Ive learned how to properly express myself again including crying without feeling fear of judgement. There are some who wont care if you do show that soft side and its sad to hear how rare it is these days.

[@zeevwolf13]

Guffaw! Don’t know about your mom but mine would weaponize that.

[@able34bravo37]

My mother is the second least trustworthy human I have ever met. Other humans more trustworthy than her that I have met include but are not limited to: George W. Bush Barack H. Obama Donald J. Trump Richard B. Cheney Rod Blagoyevich Saddam Hussein Richard Durbin and John McCain

[@JakeMagnum]

Yes. My wife has clearly told me she hates it when I cry and it disgusts her. At least she is honest about it.

[@JeradBenge]

​@@able34bravo37 Your mother is on that Richard Nixon, J. Edgar Hoover level too? Sorry man, I know that's rough.

[@woohoo3798]

My girl thinks she wants to hear my feelings but when I express them it backfires. I’ve learned to keep my feelings in my safe spot where they belong.

[@DTraiN5795]

I would also consider another girl too but don’t know the whole story. Sad part is tho most of will have to deal with this unless we want to be alone. The majority are like this and cants we they are why we don’t open up

[@white_eagle_fire]

Bro, get out of that relationship asap. Don’t waste another ounce of energy on her. Find your self-worth and self-respect. There are women who actually are good and will appreciate you opening up, but you have to look for them, sometimes abroad.

[@HammyTime13]

People telling you to find another girl/relationship are under the illusion that your current girl’s opinion is abnormal. It’s not. The truth is that nearly all women are disgusted by weak men, and crying or showing soft emotions is a sign of weakness. It’s not their fault. For 100k years being attached to a weak man was a death sentence. Your options are to be strong or to fake being strong until you actually are. Godspeed. You can do it.

[@DTraiN5795]

@@white_eagle_fire by now if they can’t tell real from fake it’s definitely on them. You can be tough af and still express yourself. It’s actually harder and tougher in this to keep it real than a fake ass person who fronting. Btw both those types of people at the end you mentioned is fronting. Yeah time for them to grow up too and quit following for what they hear. If not I’ll play the game to hit it only bc you can tell if that’s all she cares about. Which you’re right most women are like that. Took me way too long to see the BS of people but it’s not everyone

[@Mirkk47]

It sounds like her telling you she wants to hear your feelings makes her feel good about herself but actually listening to you makes her feel bad and she isn't mature enough to process your emotions or to look at herself and realise her cognitive dissonance. I wonder. Is that just your feelings? Or is she like that in everything she does?

[@DannyG-ic2ci]

Wife told me to open up. One day I did and she said I was less of a man for doing so and how is she supposed to depend on me if I’m emotional. That’s why I’m now divorced and just mind my business and keep everything to myself.

[@glorialewis8566]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Everyone deserves to have a partner that they can rely on instead of ridiculing them for their issues. I hope that if nothing else, you have friends that you can rely on to talk to when you need it. Men deserve to be heard when they need it as well.

[@Hawksforever99]

A man finally breaks down and shares his feelings with you it's because he trusts you. IF you tear him down or insult his feelings, you best believe that shit will NEVER happen again. Congrats you just manufactured your very own emotionally unavailable man. WAY. TO. GO.

[@bensheard3969]

That's ultimately the goal the way I see it. It's a mind trick to see if you are acting or actually can handle problems. Oldest trick in the book

[@HellRazor1281]

I’ll go one further: if I get vulnerable with the woman I’m dating and she uses it against me, and we talk about it and she doesn’t realize (or take steps to correct) what she did, I’m breaking up with her right then and there. Thank you, next!

[@Hawksforever99]

@@HellRazor1281 fair enough can't blame ya one bit!

[@TheAchilles26]

​@@HellRazor1281 nah. At this point they've been told about it more than enough by men in general. If she abuses your trust after you show vulnerability, dump her immediately.

[@ZhadTheRad]

*recalls Dadvocate's video on this very topic*

[@richkeylor787]

Spent 4 hours with a friend in his garage yesterday. Changed the oil in a car, worked on motorcycles and had a beer. Didn't spend one minute talking about personal problems. It was the best day of the week.

[@jayknight139]

we spend enough time solving problems sometimes you need to laugh and drink with other men. preferably around cars

[@skylark4901]

Mmm.... Beeer!

[@spoot8835]

Ah, man therapy at its finest. Love it.

[@szymac90]

One beer through all that time!?

[@almightybeerman]

Went fishing with my buddy Saturday. Had whiskey and didnt say a word to each other the whole day. Couldn't have been a better day.

[@Pureblood32]

A man has already identified the problem and is hatching a solution. And no point in telling someone who doesn't have a solution or even wants to listen

[@MayBlake_Channel]

As a woman, I feel the same

[@Pureblood32]

@@MayBlake_Channel Yup. U Irish by any chance?

[@LinkofLegend09]

Won’t trust it: always gets used in the next argument as an attack.

[@ConnorElzaim]

Also, and this is a factor I've heard reported by many dudes, if they share something sensitive with you...never use that in a fight. No, not even if you are losing, because the moment you throw that in his face he will clam up tighter than fort knox and it will be entirely your fault. You'll have proven that out of the billions of people in the world, and the fraction of those he trusted with his vulnerable side, you aren't one of them and never will be. There is no walking that back.

[@PersonalityCoreCo]

They'll also share it with allllll their friends, how nice.

[@raggarbergman]

In comparison to a mans's feeling after that, Area 51 give guides tours around the facility

[@darrenskjoelsvold]

Basically next step after that is divorce.

[@dholmes3307]

Pretty much this. Anything shared in confidence or vulnerable used against a man simply demonstrates that you aren't to be trusted. After all, why had someone the knife to use on you for the killing blow?

[@joshuahagen2961]

​@@PersonalityCoreCo yeah, to warn their friends. Cause we actually look out for our friends rather than shit on them behind their backs and smile to their faces. We aren't going to let our friends date shit women, and if you pull some shit like that on us, you won't be getting any of our buddies. And any man that violates the code is no longer in the circle.

[@dreamagery]

Society says that “Women have feelings, while men have insecurities.” Our feelings are mot validated.

[@virtual-viking]

At best, ignored. At worst, punished. Sometimes, severely so.

[@Martyn_Wolf]

When is a feeling an insecurity and an insecurity a feeling... There is no distinction between them.

[@virtual-viking]

@@Martyn_Wolf The distinction is that insecurities are inconvenient to women while feelings are not.

[@Martyn_Wolf]

@@virtual-viking That doesn't draw a distinction between them. There isn't one so far as I can currently see. One can become the other depending on the situation.

[@VoxelPioneer]

​@@Martyn_Wolf the distinction is that insecurity is a feeling while a feeling can be any number of other emotions. Insecurity is a secondary emotion based in the primary emotion of fear. Take a look at something called the emotion wheel to see what that looks like. The center will have primary emotions such as happy, sad, mad, scared, disgust, surprised. While the secondary emotions will be emotions that are based in the primary emotions so for example happy could lead to proud, sad could lead to shame, mad could lead to jealous, scared could lead to insecure, disgust could lead to disappointment, surprise could lead to confused. There are tons of other possibile secondary emotions but they all link back to a primary emotion which you experience first.

[@axamesvc]

I learned this lesson too. Never again will talk bout my feelings to anyone.

[@xeroterragoth1866]

This was possibly the most succient explanation that I've ever heard on the difference between the way men and women handle problems. 🖤

[@robertdavis8843]

VERY❤❤❤

[@polycrase]

Only women, children, and pets receive unconditional love.

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

Children and pets. FTFY

[@trevorwallace7934]

Not all the time. Women get used for sex and are sometimes abused, children sometimes don't have caring parents in thier lives or grow up in an abusive household, and pets are sometimes abused and neglected.

[@k.sxraiiii9597]

There's no specific category that gets unconditional love. Every group does and can be abused and mistreated just like how they can be and are loved unconditionally

[@peanut_toast999]

There's no such thing as "unconditional love". And if it did exist, women are most definitely not on that list lol.

[@Plagiarism-at-its-finest]

@@trevorwallace7934they were saying only women children and pets were eligible to receive unconditional love, not that all women children and pets receive it.

[@thomasmount7388]

A man talking about his feelings gets the same treatment as someone who walks down dark alleys yelling about how rich they are.

[@JB4375]

Great analogy. Not sure if it was intended to be funny, but it gave me a good laugh.

[@cryptocredentials865]

I’m not sure either but I did laugh out loud

[@IIIISai]

batman 💀

[@Ricardofromage]

That was spot on, and it made me smile too, stay strong brothers!!

[@ryanthoms]

Back in 2018-2020 ish, when everyone was telling men to open up and be vulnerable, I did that with my gf. She asked me to be honest so I opened up completely, let out every good, deep feeling I had ever had towards her out. Even cried a little (she was suicidal and it would have killed me to see her gone like that). Less than a week later she told her family and friends, and after that started using that info to manipulate me. Thank god I woke up to what was happening and got out of there. Some people just suck. It doesn’t have to be misogynistic or misanthropic, literally all people have the ability to fuck up your life. I only open up to extremely close, trusted friends now. And it still makes me nervous to be completely honest and candid. Thanks for making this video though I know some of yall have our best interests at heart and we really do appreciate that 😊

[@mikecreger9702]

I dont need anyone else to identify my problems. "Dont confront me with my failures, I have not forgotten them." These Days. Jackson Browne 1973

[@stonerbland7621]

"theyd rather see me die on that horse than fall off"

[@error8119]

hell, i’d rather die on that horse than fall off atp

[@jameslucas5590]

@dax

[@petedawg]

Brené Brown’s narrative. It’s a shame how often that appears to be true.

[@kirkdarling4120]

"With your shield or on it," the Spartan mothers told their sons.

[@cammontreuil7509]

I've told my wife over and over she wants me dead to collect on life insurance. I told her I'm going to live till I'm 100 so I can collect on it when I'm still alive.

[@mymaskofshame]

My ex would get mad at me for not being more emotional and opening up more, i started opening up and expressing what was upsetting me and she told me we need to have this conversation another time. Men can never win at this sadly.

[@ryancreecy9105]

Nope we just get pushed to the side with our issues but soon as they have issues we gotta be front of the class ready to hear it 🙄

[@GhostHunter-kj2er]

I asked for more help around the house and she never came home the next day. From a 3 year relationship where i didn't complain about a single thing. I'm not that guy IRL but I'll scream it into the empty void of the internet, women are terrible fucks who don't deserve love. Not those I've met anyway, but I'll keep trucking along and fall in love with the next girl who opens her legs, because men sadly aren't much better. Life sucks lol

[@millyardopeacecraft9778]

Don't give women any emotional information.

[@stevedallas9529]

Stop being a simp act like a man that's what she wants

[@solarwolf1336]

Keep your chin up man, and don’t let your pain internalize into hate. I promise you will find someone who is worth your time. Stay vigilant king 👑

[@konsyansnou8623]

👏🏿👏🏿🔥🔥 Something else to address as well: men will shutdown if they don't feel heard or judged. Do not bring them to open up about their vulnerability only to shame them afterwards, that's a big no-no and huge sign of betrayal.

[@rumple76]

I love how the dog shows up at the perfect time.. "they label us 'toxic' until we vent" then we're cowardly..for showing our vulnerabilities. We were close, at one point to being the man that opened up.. Then women showed us what they actually think about it.. So here we are.

[@katlynklassen809]

I was talking to a young guy at work. Some female coworkers overheard me tell him never open up to a woman. They all five suddenly dogpiled on me telling me i was wrong and did not let me get a word in edgewise. I just stayed quiet till they were then looked at the young guy and said "point proven".

[@StarboyXL9]

Based

[@richerDiLefto]

They were correct.

[@jexusdomel5194]

... I actually don't get it, what's so bad about what they did? Sure it might be a knee jerk reaction but it hardly seems like something awful to happen to the guy, they were defending him???

[@kairu_aname]

​@@jexusdomel5194 From what? Good advice? Guy tells newer guy to not open up to girls. Girls hear it and yell at 1st guy. Girls prove him right. What were they defending newer guy from?

[@jexusdomel5194]

@@kairu_aname mmh i see, they are saying that the sentiment of not opening up to girls is bad, but they technically just shunned how the first guy felt in the first place, instead of asking him why he felt that and letting him open up too. I do still think it's a bit hasty to say point proven, but it's a bit tone deaf on their part, I get it

[@onetruth4878]

They literally will throw the smallest shit you do speak up about as soon as an argument comes up.

[@R3LF13]

Holy shit man this thread has been a godsend to my mental health in this moment. For anybody who's struggling, we feel you

[@samanthagowen7299]

Like what? I’m just curious. I’m seeing this reiterated in here and I genuinely want to know what it is that people are sharing that people are using again them. Only if you don’t mind me asking

[@MrGchiasson]

She'll use any dirty trick to win an argument... and if she can't win...she'll go 'silent pouting' routine like a 12 year old.

[@R3LF13]

@samanthagowen7299 This is a small example, but illustrative. My soon-to-be exwife and I were having a disagreement that was totally a misunderstanding. I was trying to fix the misunderstanding, but it became a battle between what I meant by what i said and what she interpreted from it. I finally broke down and unleashed some things I had been holding back about how often this kind of thing happens and how alone and misunderstood it makes me feel because my explanation has no bearing on the outcome. She's going to choose her interpretation and then get mad at me for it. After bearing a ton of stuff about that whole dynamic and how I wanted to work on it, I blurted, "And anyway, can't I just win one?" Which was partially a joke and partially a genuine expression of how exasperated I was and how I don't think she realized how often this happens and how much I come out on the short end when it does. What I was really saying was, "can't you treat me with some benefit of the doubt on stuff like this, if only this one time?" I think that was pretty clear from the way I said it and everything that I said and expressed and genuinely wanted to talk about in that conversation. Every fight after that included her saying, "I know you just want to 'win one', but to me, it's not about winning..." which is clearly a massive twisting of the whole point of that conversation and only reaffirmed for me that talking is dangerous because any quote could become *that* quote.

[@NoToBigBro]

Men discuss a problem in order to find a solution. Women want men to hear them talk about a problem... the end.

[@_Meriwether]

Hit the nail on the head. If you open up to a woman about your fears, insecurities etc, then when things go wrong between you.. guess which metaphorical stick she's gonna hit you with

[@greebj]

Yep. I gave my partner many warnings when I heard stuff flung back at me in the middle of an argument. Now when she tries to attack me over why she thinks I did something, I say stfu, she doesn't know what I think because I don't trust it with ber anymore.

[@naejimba]

One more thing: EVERY SINGLE TIME you share your feelings it is weaponized against you.

[@JULYXXIV]

The minute we vent about our feelings, no matter how badly we need to get it out there, we get our hearts ripped out of our chests and fed to a wood chipper. We're emasculated in the most disrespectful way imaginable.

[@l2xsniper1]

That's why its always spiteful and antagonistic women who bring this up.

[@jimbusmaximus4624]

Twice. Both different women. We got to the point of trust and I let somethin out and it was weaponized against me both times. Feelings are nobody else's business, keep em where they belong.

[@n2omike]

Women SAY they want a man who acts more like a woman, constantly sharing his feelings, etc... but they do NOT. lol They are attracted to traditional masculine strength, regardless of what they say. Period, end of story. They are attracted to men who are stronger, taller and more masculine than they are. They are repelled by 'needy' men.

[@ClericOfPholtus]

Yep Isolation is the only way to safety

[@CanCan-op3bu]

Well, while I agree the world is a tough place for good men, the answer isn't isolation. We gotta find a way to open our doors halfway, so that we give a chance to vulnerability without risking too much hurt. It's not easy to do, but it's worth it.

[@neurotoksyn]

The last time I opened up, I talked about my struggles with depression and how I couldn't see a way out of it. To which I was told "someone's in a whiny mood today." And this was from someone who repeatedly told me that they wanted me to be more open.

[@janthran]

yeah, me too, as a woman. NOBODY wants to hear about other peoples' problems, and you guys think the same about having to listen to womens' problems. grow up

[@skye82693]

​@@janthran Classy🙄

[@Wtf_is_this_sht_]

@@janthranLOL but when women opens up to a man, we are expected to shut up and listen. If we don't then we are deemed as insensitive. Classic bitch behaviour

[@fatherofjman2475]

@@janthranthanks for proving the point.

[@FutureMan420Blazer]

​@@janthranWhadda Fuack🤦🏽‍♂️

[@johnedward8352]

Full adult man here: I talk about my emotions and problems but only to trusted people...ie close friends and family. I try not to burden people with my problems.

[@MayBlake_Channel]

Awe! Haha. As a woman, I am the same. It takes practice, I guess

[@davidsantiagoalonso]

As an adult male ... Exactly, how many people need to know about feelings? My close friends would never come over on a Sunday arvo if I did that... We only need the few close close close people ie partner or parents or important family member.

[@CurseTheDarkness]

Talking about problems vs. feelings. Good point.

[@Gr8NPowerfulOly]

Ladies there are rules to getting us to open up an be vulnerable. 1 do not ever use it against him in any way. Not in a fight or play. 2 keep it to yourself. Do not tell your mother, BFF, or anyone else. If you do these either or both of these two things he will never trust you again.

[@tubester4567]

Dont do it. Men should only open up to other men, like an older man, close friend or family member.

[@nicholashenderson6941]

​@tubester4567 occasionally there is a woman who will handle it correctly. Rare, but so are wives. A woman who is wife material will follow the rules. But take 5+ years of vetting to know if she that or not.

[@stevecarter8810]

Time to start calling that out as toxic femininity, which it is.

[@dakotacarpenter7702]

it's cute that you think women are watching these videos and reading your comment.

[@tonyrmathis]

@@nicholashenderson6941 Rule #1 Women talk to each other about EVERYTHING. Your secrets are nothing more than currency to exchange with other women in an attempt to get them to tell their man's secrets.

[@devilsadvocacy]

We're not about to let our guard down and let you weaponize our weaknesses against us. Telling us to do that is the shittiest of shit-tests

[@Katalin04]

Agreed,maybe at 1 moment she is like its fine but once she gets emotional in the future she will bring it back as fast as flash

[@Savoia-xr2yx]

Weakness is never needed

[@totallyfrozen]

Having human emotions is not “weakness”. Women don’t get a monopoly on feelings. We’re all human. It’s not weakness.

[@GingerNingerGames]

Nah my guy, you just need to find better women. Insecure women use your insecurities against you, secure women, do not.

[@Savoia-xr2yx]

@@totallyfrozen okok get the emotions just not the weak ones

[@zephsmith3499]

I feel very lucky. My partner wanted me to be more open, but then reacted badly - and caught herself. She "got it" that her own behavior was going to make it hard for me to give her what she wanted, and she changed it. I try to do the same - observe how my behaviors make it hard for her to give me what I want, and try to improve on that. We don't expect perfection, but we do expect to mutually keep doing better. Having a partner who is thoughtful, intelligent, caring and self-reflective is wonderful, and brings out the best in me as well. Character is so important, compared to, say, looks, which fade.

[@owenwatson9828]

Men tend not to dramatise everything ! BASIC FACT OF LIFE !😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@revolvermaster4939]

I was in the military, law enforcement and oilfield, I got weary of hearing how “stressful” my wife’s life was. 25 years of that and I’M FREE & SINGLE!

[@FurbleBurble]

I don't know your situation so I won't judge you, but please consider that how stressful your life is does not negate or diminish the stress in the lives of others. I am disabled, but I won't bemoan the abled for complaining about their problems.

[@revolvermaster4939]

@@FurbleBurble my wife raised kids, she did an excellent job, but my jobs were measured in the safety, lives of men and hundreds of thousands of dollars in liabilities, so excuse me, but boo fucking hoo for you!

[@revolvermaster4939]

@@FurbleBurble my wife raised our kids, she did an excellent job. In my fields, if I made the wrong decisions, people died and hundreds of thousands of dollars were at stake, so spare me with your words of wisdom!

[@FurbleBurble]

@@revolvermaster4939 Well, good luck in future relationships.

[@revolvermaster4939]

@@FurbleBurble you apparently missed the part about FREE & SINGLE!

[@Redbird4912]

This conversation, alone, is giving me a headache. I will never share anything personal with a woman only to have it weaponised against at some future date. No thankyou.

[@PJCVita92]

Better idea, just avoid girls who have an obvious lack of concern for those who need help and also like to bring up "competence", "dependability", and "muscle tone" as absolute requirements to be likeable.😉

[@Harvest133]

@@PJCVita92 that's virtually all of them. They literally can't help it. It intrinsically triggers a disgust response in the brain. when men show vulnerability. They've done studies with brain scans.

[@christophercombs7561]

​@PJCVita92 that disqualifies the vast majority of women out there

[@darkdragonsoul99]

@@PJCVita92 So Avoid girls got it

[@BenMallerThe]

Okay two things I have to say, one I love and it made me chuckle, so thank you because I needed a laugh for quite a while now, how the dog just magically appears. Two very impressive how she stayed on point will a dog trying to play around grabbing her arm and liquor face and she just is holding on to the roll like the dog isn't even there. Very impressive

[@Runningtail]

I'm articulated this very well. It's like some of these women lack empathy while chastising others for not having empathy toward them

[@michaelfortenberry5735]

I talk about my problems...with my friends. Never to a woman. Never.

[@launchsquid]

I've had deeper conversations with men I've just met than women I've known for years. If a woman shares it it's her feelings If a man shares it it's an insecurity. If you open up to a woman she'll never see you as the same man ever again. Women think they want a man to show his vulnerability but that's a misconception. Just look at who they go for, look at how you were behaving when ones been receptive to you, you weren't being vulnerable you were being confident that competent.

[@mattor300]

You can also have a best friend who is a female and share with her, gives a good view on how women think, and best part is shes not your gf meaning you don't see her every day and don't have the whole ,,shes gonna see you as weak'' problem.

[@motorteeth]

She actually touched on another big difference between men and women. "Men talk about their actual problems once they are ready to talk about it". "Don't they realize that other people can help identify the problem? That's what therapists are for"... therapy was built up and designed primarily for women. Endless talking to discover the problem. Men tend to know the problem and are looking for a solution. They want it fixed immediately. Ever wonder why men tend to offer solutions to a woman and she gets mad because she just wants him to listen? That's why. We are hardwired to problem solve and therapy is less about solving problems than identifying them.

[@Eckylis]

This is actually super me when interacting / interfacing with my girlfriend's problems. Is the exact way I think about things, and I've tried to explain that to her. It's quite strange to have such a dichotomy

[@MrJerichoPumpkin]

I will never understand that. Talking for hours about your feelings regarding the problem WON'T SOLVE THE DAMN PROBLEM

[@17arando]

I actually am a very vocal critic of psychology, but unfortunately this is so inaccurate I'm forced to defend it. 1. Therapy was invented by men and primarily for men. Women's treatment for most of its history usually revolved around fixing wives to be more obedient to husbands. Very few therapists were women at all until very very recently and many women were diagnosed with disorders for basically wanting to be treated like human beings. It's actually pretty ironic that women trust psychology more than men now considering they were basically victims of it for decades. 2. Therapy is not designed to endlessly talk about and identify the problems. It's designed to solve problems. The current gold standard in therapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and it is explicitly about changing the way you think and behave in order to treat problems directly. Now, I still have a big issue with psychology as a field, but when it comes to therapy, it's actually very useful for many people. Men and women. CBT can treat everything from ADHD to Depression to simple stress. Many things people take pills for can actually be treated without drugs effectively using CBT. Hell, even drug addiction responds well to CBT. Basically it sounds like you're describing therapy as shown in movies which is about as accurate as their fight scenes are. If you've ever had therapy and that was your experience, your therapist was terrible at their job. Or lazy. I mean, God knows you could probably make a killing without doing any actual work if you just let people endlessly vent. But the reality is it should be an actual treatment, with a plan, steps to take, things you have to do, etc. Should be kind of like seeing a physical therapist after an injury.

[@khajiithadwares2263]

Here's more of these differences : https ://files.eric.edDOTgov/fulltext/EJ750623.pdf (page 196) Facing the problem is initiative, confrontation and decision-involves a start or an end. Thinking you cant offer anything of value (esteem) leads to prolonging the decision-making indefinately until someone else makes it for you, & takes responsability for how faulty or how great the thing was. The risk for that is not worth taking(resp.) when you cannot defend the thing you care about.

[@JasonAstraea]

It’s not a different, it’s because they get away with it. I don’t let them get a way with it. If you have problems, solve it. I don’t care who the fuck they are. If you can’t, don’t talk useless shit.

[@Mirkk47]

Exactly I'm tired of everyone forcing men to act like women and then treating them with contempt because of it.

[@andywarda1481]

I've tried to share my feelings just to be made fun of and been told to stop my whining because she was sick of hearing it. Even when I was at my lowest point in tears literally flirting with the idea of ending my life and this was the callous response I got. This is why we don't open up.

[@MindOfACouch]

The worst part is having to explain this to your boys. A buddy recently drunk called me (going through things) and was apologetic that he wasn't a good friend. I asked him why he thought that and he mentioned how I've had to deal with his venting before, but he's never had to deal with mine. I told him I don't vent to anyone unless we're in person or it comes to mind while on a phone call. I don't typically look to vent to anyone, but I do when the opportunity presents itself. I had to explain how we as men don't typically look to vent until we feel like it's a good time to do so or it's just too much to hold I'm (in this case, him at the moment due to the alcohol). It opened his eyes, but it still sucked to hear that he thought he was a burden. I have another friend like this too. It sucks to see my boys feel bad about venting.

[@Samuel-yv8ss]

When they gotta vent they gotta vent, bring it in with a hug if there cool with that and make sure they know they belong.

[@Shouze163]

It's good if they felt bad about it because it means they have concern about it. I can appreciate that rather than a friend who felt nothing

[@Xristoforos41493]

It’s like quit trying to dig up what makes me feel bad and instead help me bring out what makes me happy.

[@jemeljordan-butler4510]

Yeah. We don’t enjoy feeling bad like women do.

[@x_xjojox_x]

Based

[@bradyoung6663]

@Xristoforos That was the best comment I've seen on this type of video for a long damned time. Respect, Man. o7.

[@Darkmouse20001]

Absolutely hit the nail on the head!

[@jessesleight9631]

Exactly. Women need to accept that there is always stuff about the internal life of a man that she will never know. Or that she is not obligated to know. Make him fucking happy, and let him randomly say deep stuff whe together if he wants to. And actually understand said deep stuff.

[@aegontargaryen9322]

I’ve shared problems before and the GF/wife throws them back in your face years later as a weakness . Keep it to yourself guys and solve it the old fashioned way - by yourself using a logical thought process . Believe me , they don’t really want to know - they just think they do

[@shootist279]

This woman is a treasure.

[@able34bravo37]

I am a therapist, and I have to say that 3/4 of what I do consists of teaching clients to not be assholes to everybody they meet so they can have friends to talk to instead of paying a therapist.

[@Adanu191]

This is what happens when single mother households are the norm. Women do not check each other.

[@sugarnads]

Assholism is a defence mechanism. The only one we have. Stop doing that.

[@BullsMahunny]

Who, primarily, are your clientele exactly?

[@joegarrick2760]

I've talked to a couple of them. Never helped.

[@user-rm5jj9qw9t]

Damn not even therapists give a fuck about our problems.

[@aaronl19]

Yeah talking about my own feelings ALWAYS ends up negatively. So many times somebody has asked me how I felt and every single time it has caused even more things to be fucked up and eventually spread around to be used against me in the future, even by the nicest best people I know. Suck it up and push it down, that’s the most important thing I’ve learned in life so far

[@TheSideOfSpirit]

I see a lot of people saying it gets used against them in the future. How does that work? Can you give me an example?

[@SaganTheKhajiit]

​@@TheSideOfSpiritSay you open up about being treated horribly by your father and fearing becoming like him. From then on, every time you do something that person doesn't like they go: "You're just like your father" or "Stop acting like your father" and so on. Or you said you feel sad because a friend stopped talking to you, and in the next argument they go "That's why your friends leave!". They pick up the reason for your sadness, your insecurities, your vulnerabilities and use any of that to make you do what they want you to do by putting those feelings in between you and what they don't want you to do. Like herding cows or sheep, but emotionally.

[@SaganTheKhajiit]

Nowadays I just answer that question with complete sincerity. I say: "You don't want to know, I don't want to tell you, and it's going to be better for us both if I don't."

[@tommyemler1763]

​@@SaganTheKhajiityep that exactly how it is.... Never open up to your partner...

[@TheSideOfSpirit]

@@SaganTheKhajiit I understand that now. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Sorry to hear that’s been your experience brother. I hope maybe you can find someone to open up to though, even if it’s not your partner

[@GaladorLP]

I once cried in front of a girlfriend. She broke up shortly after

[@prof.5251]

Ma'am, You're awesome! Thank you!!!

[@IvanKosovan]

Last time I told a girl about my issues with my mom she ghosted me that same night. She asked me about it and was listening intently but still left me. Thats why most men never open up about issues in there life.

[@TrickOrRetreat]

Yeah that never turns out well. We are born and die without talking to anyone.

[@Soul_Alpha]

Same problem here. Can't talk about anything my mom did or else I'm a bad guy when my mother was never my mother. My real mother is my grandmother.

[@secretagent4610]

Bullet dodged.

[@sathdk79]

A mother who can watch the kids and be used to manipulate the man is a valuable resource to a woman. Many select early on for that mother-son relationship. If a woman can win over mom they can double team the man to extract more resources.

[@jadonsmith3224]

This happened to me too. She was one of my closest friends and when I finally really opened up to her (after my sister's death, mind you), she ghosted. She sat there, smiled, reciprocated and reassured. Then gone/acted like I didn't exist.

[@divinicus]

its not about FEELING respected. its about BEING respected

[@ellisdee2013]

I don't really to anybody about my problems to anyone, especially not to a woman I'm interested in... sounds like a good way to get more problems, not less.

[@tjfarrell7891]

Every woman needs to hear this.

[@bguzewi0]

Open up about my struggles? Ha! I’m not falling for that trap!

[@Wahinies]

Nice try, not today satan

[@crash4267]

Everytime I've been vulnerable in front of people they IMMEDIATELY stop paying attention to me and told to grow up

[@jimbusmaximus4624]

Feelings aren't anyone else's business but your own. You have to weigh them. If something messes you up inside, either get it out of your life, or figure out why and adapt. Stick with the ones who make you better.

[@crash4267]

@@jimbusmaximus4624 it's mostly the people that say "You need to show more emotion"

[@jimbusmaximus4624]

@@crash4267 I agree!

[@crash4267]

@@jimbusmaximus4624 yeah, so when you show emotions to these people they always flake out on you

[@danw331]

I made the mistake of announcing to my family a few years ago about some mental issues I had had. I was met with silence and it has never been mentioned since. The same happened when I said it to my wife. I learnt a valuable lesson that I had already been told but did not want to believe. That men must crack on and cope and that is that.

[@Chris-0113]

As a man, anytime I have shared my feelings, it was used against me for the sole purpose of hurting me. Hard lesson learned.

[@mcampbe41]

My wife passed away last November 29th. It has been devastating, however I have been told over and over to get over it.

[@TattooedHoodlum]

MY wife passed away almost 8 years ago. You never "get over it."

[@XSquibX]

My dad passed away. Someone literally told my mom "oh, it must be so freeing"..................

[@TheReaLcatniP]

@@XSquibX Wow. People are awful.

[@zarlus8]

They can suck wind. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have comfort, rest, peace, and support.

[@zenden6564]

Why not be a celibate widow and cherish the memory of your late spouse? ✨️

[@darlawrence9295]

NEVER tell a woman your problem until AFTER you have RESOLVED it. Women do NOT care about your struggles, they hang out at the finish line and pick the winners.

[@raxn2673]

Oh shut up

[@towerofmasochism]

Another way to say it; Girls typically don't solve problems Men typically do Telling a girl your problem just stresses them out because they likely don't know how to help So it's better to tell them the problem after you solved it so they can empathize like they do with their girls without feeling the burden of trying to solve it as it's already been solved

[@darlawrence9295]

@@towerofmasochism yeah, you get the gist of it.

[@Ryooken]

@@towerofmasochism No, you can tell a woman about your problem. If you want them to empathize with you. If you want to solve the problem, you talk to other men, and then handle business.

[@towerofmasochism]

@@Ryooken ye

[@wingedblaze5985]

They’ll ask you to be vulnerable, and to open up. But when you finally do, they leave, or see you as weak.

[@AkSamurai69]

Thank you. That's it. Thank you.

[@rylanasher4756]

I wish there were more people in the word like you with this understanding. Especially when you point out the well-poisoning "toxic" label that helps nobody. Awesome YT short.

[@MADxHAWK]

I don't trust her either, I'll bet a yearly income once a guy shows emotion to her she will leave him or sooner or later will use it against him. I've seen women like her claiming they are not like others and want me to open up. They said exactly the same and then then used it agsinst me. No I don't trust her

[@rylanasher4756]

@@MADxHAWK didn't say anything about trust, you might have replied to the wrong comment. I probably wouldn't trust her without first getting to know her. I was just agreeing with the sentiment that manliness isn't inherently "toxic" and that calling men by this dogwhistle, you're actively not helping the problems men face.

[@paintedskies7477]

Intellectuals, especially those of social fields, are SUPER BAD at naming things, I've found. "Toxic Masculinity" isn't just... you're toxic for being a man. Nor that Masculinity is itself toxic. It's the *specific* Masculine behaviors and Expectations placed upon men that are toxic to *everyone.* Including the men. Toxic Masculinity is just the bits of the masculine ideal that create problems. So, yeah, this is the end result of toxic masculinity and probably also is that, but the name "Toxic Masculinity" to describe it is so very, very bad that mentioning it seems like an attack, so it BECAME an attack. I wish Sociologists could learn to name things so they don't sound as stupid/malicious as possible. 99% of such terms are mundane and reasonable once you learn what they *actually* were meant to mean instead of how they get interpreted based on the really stupid names.

[@AnnoyingNewsletters]

​@@paintedskies7477 I mean, you're so very, very close to correct here. It's not the labels, per se, that are the problem. You said it yourself that it's just a specific set of typically masculine behaviors that are what sociologists are labeling as toxic. That's a feature of the English language, as compared to the Romance languages. We tend to put adjectives, adverbs, and other distinguishing characteristics before the noun. There's *_masculinity,_* in general, without any modifiers, and then there's *_toxic masculinity,_* a subset of specific masculinity traits, in a specific culture or cultures, in this case Western civilization broadly, thanks to a myriad of factors beginning with colonization and continuing through media globalization. We could go the German route and make all of that into one ridiculously long compound noun, but we're already having enough of a linguistic sending and receiving problem with just a single modification. The real issue seems to rest largely on the receiving end, with false pedantry, pundits, and just wanting to be f@cking offended. Working title for the phenomenon: Pesci ( _specifically referring to his character Tommy DeVito, in Goodfellas_ ). Example: _Hey, man, you're pretty funny._ *_Funny how, like a clown?! Is that what you think I am, a clown. I AIN'T NO F@CKING CLOWN._*

[@RivetHead999]

Personally, I’m just sick of the idea that men are supposed to understand women, while it’s totally fine for women to berate men for being men. Hearing both my wife, and now adult daughter constantly talk about how “men are stupid” and they don’t understand them, and then tell me to shut up when I interject. Women tell men they think wrong, act wrong, deal with emotions wrong, but god forbid a man should defend himself, or worse, try to help a woman understand how a man thinks. Nope. Men are just wrong, and should be more like women. Which is funny, because women will cheat on a man who caters to all of that, with a man who is exactly what she says is “stupid”.

[@randallcraft4071]

"Dont they realize other people can help them identify their problem?" That's what so many men say when they start dissecting and offer solutions to women who then get pissed and storm off cause they just want to vent and talk instead of solving the issue.

[@BullsMahunny]

That's what the boys are for. Never do that shit for women. Just let them rant on and solve their problem themselves.

[@bensheard3969]

The problem with this line is most people don't know you as well as you know yourself and in the US the culture is to make snap judgements and try to solve a problem as quickly as possible so with the majority of people it's pointless to share your problems

[@Scrotiemcb00gerballs]

And they blame u for being a mansplainer

[@ohheyemmi]

Men tend to approach problems from a "how can I fix it" perspective, whereas women are not always looking for a solution. It can come off as very condescending and invalidating if you respond to every issue with "well just do X." We know we have to just do X. If we wanted a solution we would ask for one. Next time your partner comes to you, just ask what she needs. Its as simple as "what do you need from me right now? do you need help finding a solution or just someone to listen?" Most of the time its the latter. Offering solutions when no one asks comes off as very condescending and dismissive.

[@Timenaught]

@@ohheyemmiain’t nobody go time for dat. Don’t waste men’s time bringing up your problems if you don’t want them fixed or solutions provided. You viewing someone trying to help you as condescending (which men are wired to want to help) just shows you have a serious problem. Unlike women men don’t have time for whining and not fixing an issue.

[@themeepanaught]

Ayy thanks for this, I'm glad someone understands.

[@apeape06]

Men have created an atmosphere for ME shutting down lol glad I found my best friend and soulmate. Sincerely hope yall do too

[@trevorsreya8277]

When a woman gives crap for a man not showing emotions, she's showing how she'll act when a man finally does show emotions.

[@michaelhuie5878]

Everytime I share im either ignored, mocked or pushed aside. Really makes you feel so worthless, thus I keep to myself but am always willing to listen and offer advice/help if wanted.

[@pacificcy3182]

the most relatable feeling man

[@michaelhuie5878]

@@pacificcy3182 I'm srry this awful feeling is relatable. Hopeful for better times ahead for everyone.

[@antitheist9976]

I grew up in a time and place where men and boys, to a lesser extent, were expected to deal with their own issues, no matter how small or even severe they were. On the flip side, though, it gave me the ability to listen to males who needed it. The one good thing to come out of that 🙂

[@S.P.B.222]

As a man, I approve of this message and your attempt to bring understanding to the differences between men and women. God bless you and yours, sister 🙏❤️💪😁👍

[@Darquine]

You are a philosophical goddess! More folk need to hear this! Thank you! 😁🥃

[@shannons8974]

Oh... My... God...... On behalf of every man on the planet, thank you!!! It is nice to see someone trying to understand us instead of just villainizing us!!!

[@creepycasta9430]

Try to? She nailed it and I am thrilled to see so many women advocating for the typical male experience and not only that - slowly but surely, exposing relationship abuse, psychological and physical, men and women victims, in a very precise and easily understandable fashion. Check out The Dadvocate, she truly makes me hopeful

[@kri249]

​@@creepycasta9430Dadvocate is great. Emily King is another girl worth checking out.

[@chrischriskidnicky6088]

I’m a man and you don’t speak for me. You guys are sad.

[@TheSmark666]

Lol please...this lady is no different than the rest of them. They can talk a good game all they want, but watch what they do in the moment when it actually matters.

[@darkalexander9158]

​@@TheSmark666If she's no different then You're no different than her by contributing to the problem with your current actions

[@HoneyBee0316]

My husband told me this the other day and i find it very sad. I made sure to let him know that he can speak to me about anything and that i want that connection with him so i can help. My man will never be judged for speaking about how he feels or what is troubling to him. Ladies, we are our man's safe place and our man is ours. If that is too difficult to understand, then you shouldnt be a relationship.

[@Treadstone1986]

I’m glad to hear this and my first, gut reaction to it is that it’s a trap. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe you. I just want you to know there’s importance of following it up with action. Sadly, some of us have been told this, just to have it used against us.

[@virtual-viking]

I'm sure you and even women in general _mean well._ But I'm also able to watch the micro expressions betray how most women actually feel about male vulnerability. Also, most women eventually act their emotions as opposed to their intentions, so it's a very dangerous gamle to count on the opposite.

[@HoneyBee0316]

I definitely get what both of you are saying. It's very sad how good men are treated.

[@KraziEyevin]

​@@HoneyBee0316and remember, stand by those words. If, in a momentary lapse in judgement, you share something said to you in confidence, or use something he's shared with you to score points in an argument, it's very likely he will never forget it, never forgive you, and never trust you in that way again, because you have proven yourself untrustworthy by your own actions. But if you stay true to your word, he will prize you for the rest of your lives together, and you will come to understand him better than you ever have before. Another thing, be patient. It may take him a long time to truly open up, because it's a very significant risk for him to do so.

[@BullsMahunny]

You have no idea how many times men hear that exact same sentiment from women only to have it backfire COMPLETELY when they do open up. As genuine as you are coming across here, I hate to say it but he most likely will never open up to you. Societal conditioning is a real thing and mean are taught from the time they can even understand words that they can't show emotion. they can't fail. They have to provide everything. They have to lead the family, get the money, keep the family together, run that job to perfection, build better, further, stronger, no stop. They can't falter. There's no time for emotion or crying. "man up". "Be a man". "Stop being a bitch". And when they finally do break down? "lol pussy", "not a man anymore huh?", "suck it up buttercup". And the lack of accountability women hold other women to? Yeah, that doesn't help. Women perpetuate this bullshit. Society is hard busted and short of a reset, this situation isn't going to get better.

[@johnnydavey6266]

This is 100% accurate and spot on.

[@Uncivil_Dreams]

i learned very harshly when i was younger that i as a man cannot be vulnerable. never again.

[@umokwhy2830]

When she use to complain about me not sharing my feelings more. Then it took me a while to express my emotions after our son died and she straight up hit me with a "you're being too emotional" So I'll keep my feelings and emotions to myself until the day I die. Edit: punctuation

[@secretagent4610]

Time for a divorce?

[@r.s.richey9956]

Woah! I'm so sorry, no one should have to loose a child, let alone being with someone who uses your grief against you.

[@jeffreyyoungblood7438]

Ironic, isn't it? Women are overly emotional about everything.

[@umokwhy2830]

@@secretagent4610 long since done.

[@umokwhy2830]

@@r.s.richey9956 I appreciate the sentiment.

[@0IamMax0]

No woman would ever be this direct and accountable. Even if she's talking to herself.

[@oxide9679]

These women who "advocate for men" are simply the ones on the front line, countering the epidemic of men choosing to stay single, just so their female compatriots have more men to destroy.

[@Luigi777888]

Still addressing an issue women don't understand, or pretend to not understand, directly. And just untrue.

[@michaelusmc9322]

Accountability is female kryptonite

[@KalonOrdona2]

Careful, always/never statements like this are a signal that you're overreacting, as we tend to tell women.

[@JayS.-mm3qr]

That's pretty rude to say to a woman who made an effort to address sexism against men, and build them up. You: ... "you're a girl. I don't like them."

[@jinadozuki1999]

Finally, someone who understands!!! FINALLY!

[@philphilpot3193]

And of course, you just pointed out we're supposed to be self-sufficient because women want a confident and dependable man. So we're "toxic" for being what you want? I agree with you, thank you. ❤

[@thomaszanzal7846]

Talk to a women about your problems, fears, and insecurities and she will weaponize them the first chance she gets in the first argument you have with her.

[@cammontreuil7509]

Vicious aren't they.

[@thomaszanzal7846]

@@cammontreuil7509 Yes , but pretty on the outside , vicious on the inside. So it goes.

[@zacksatcher]

Growing up with someone calling you stupid and weak for telling someone you cried takes a massive toll on anyone. I'm so lucky to have a partner who wants to listen to my honest pains and struggles without worry of consequence, she saved my life.

[@jeremy4375]

Orrrr.... Realize this entire *skit* was done for clicks

[@archhierarchy3815]

I needed this. I honestly really needed this, and hearing these words makes me feel like crying. Thank you.

[@Likely_Victim]

Yeah, I learned long ago that if I tell a woman about my insecurities or issues it will come back to haunt me. Usually during a nasty argument.

[@therealbahamut]

They demand self-sufficiency from us and then call us toxic for being self-sufficient. WHAT DO YOU WANT, WOMEN?!

[@laurenfazenbaker9777]

They want EVERYTHING! All Of It

[@TexasCat99]

Toxic masculinity and self-sufficiency are two very different things. Toxic masculinity is being abusive towards others. Starting fights to prove you are a man. Calling yourself an alpha male.

[@TexasCat99]

Toxic masculinity is being abusive towards others. Being a bully. Starting fights to prove you are a "man" . Calling yourself an alpha male. A real man doesn't have to prove such things to others. Expressing emotional feelings has nothing to do with such things. And putting a person down because they are hurt, suffering from PTSD, dealing with trauma, is a wimpy crappy thing to do.

[@FosterFarmsOk]

They want to be taken care of 100% but without us being around.

[@MultiCommissar]

Women want *more*

[@amarsh73]

As a man, we learn quickly that if you share, it is later used against you as a weapon.

[@Schnee7929]

Every time we show vulnerability, it turns into an advantage for someone else.

[@ScuddotWobbrel]

Can't open up. I know I need to, but I can't. If I open up and tell people what's wrong, then they feel bad, because what's wrong might involve their actions. When they feel bad, it's now my problem to smooth things over with them while I'm still trying to deal with my own crap. Much better to keep it to myself and avoid making the situation more complicated.

[@AlphaMexiko]

It hurts even more when you open to someone hoping you'll get support, but they do the opposite & give you a reason to share even less

[@oxide9679]

And they're only capable of doing the opposite.

[@Cheffychef]

& then you have women that call it an ick when men show emotion

[@briandering4182]

Women who call something an "ick" are functioning on the level of a toddler.

[@BullsMahunny]

That's why they're single.

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

They want emotion, they despise weakness. Cognitive dissonance is issued alongvwith ovaries.

[@tunisian_stats]

@@BullsMahunnyexactly they would be crying while watching romance movies in their bed at 3 AM when they are 45 years old

[@benkutz5209]

Yep. Even if you preface it and say “I’m being emotionally intimate by sharing my vulnerable side only because I trust your femininity to bolster my masculinity - don’t let this be some stupid ick” … boom “you’re insecuuuuuurrrrrreeee” ick unlocked.

[@harveymccluskey3270]

I get blamed for being inadequate... Then get reminded of it every time an issue comes up.... Be vulnerable?!!!! Yeah .... No ......

[@michelefitzmaurice4610]

Preach “twin in the cute white dress!!!” 😀👍🏻

[@fivebooks8498]

The fastest way to get your woman to cheat on you and leave is to start telling her all your problems. Start showing her your emotions. She won’t even know for sure why she doesn’t want you anymore. She will just think you guys grew apart.

[@Revinance88]

This, exactly. It's just their biology. There is no reality in which a man gets to talk about his problems or feelings to a woman and have her maintain attraction to him. Don't fall for the bullshit, guys. Even if you find a delicate snowflake woman who this somehow doesn't apply to, why would you take the risk and play that game?

[@fivebooks8498]

@@Revinance88 They can’t help you anyways so might as well keep it to yourself or confide in a good male friend.

[@nik28012]

Yep, happening to me currently

[@nik28012]

Not cheating but ,,loosing attraction"

[@nik28012]

Tuff time become even tuffer time

[@tbhgodrick6120]

I used to think it was a bullshit excuse when I was told that men are punished for showing weakness, but then I was horrendously punished for showing weakness. I have two good male friends who I greatly trust to talk to about how I feel about things, and I have my dad to talk to when I need solutions because he can always find a way to make things happen. Aside from that, never again. Absolutely not. If I am going to talk with a woman about how I feel, it will not include showing weakness and being explicitly vulnerable.

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

Showing weakness and vulnerability is worse than castration. They can only use castration on you once.

[@Alex-bl8uh]

What happened?

[@tbhgodrick6120]

@@Alex-bl8uh I was always the leader in my last relationship. I’m a traditional guy and I married a (at the time) traditional woman. We were both happy and were able to work out any issues or disagreements. We both had good jobs and were working on saving for a house. Things were working. During the pandemic, the physical therapy field got hit really hard and I lost my job. I believed I had lost us the house too (because who is gonna give a first time homeowner loan to a guy without a job?)… I got hit really hard by depression. Had never experienced it before. Was trying to hold it all in, and she told me it was okay to feel what I felt and let my guard down and be vulnerable and share what I was going through. I struggled to get a job in my field for a whole year because they didn’t exist; no elective surgeries means no therapy means no jobs for therapists. I went door to door to anywhere that had therapy in the name applying to jobs that weren’t even posted. Just handing out resumes. I was doing odd jobs for money. I had previously been the breadwinner so our budget suffered. We managed to scrape by on 1 and 1/4 salaries compared to what we used to have. But as soon as I had let the vulnerability show, she lost so much respect for me. She started trying to run everything. She kicked me out of the leadership role and fought me for it. Eventually I didn’t have the energy to fight her for it anymore so I let her have it. Eventually I got a great job and even got promoted to the director position, but the way she saw me never changed back. The respect was gone, and its absence was LOUD. She had the attitude that she didn’t need me anymore because she proved to herself she could make it without me. Any time I tried to take the leadership role back, she would be upset while also simultaneously complaining that I wasn’t leading. It eventually became so much easier to put more of the effort into work instead because I was greatly respected there. In the end she divorced me and left me for a woman. I kept the house and dog, so I escaped rather unscathed all things considered, but I had to have a lot of therapy to unpack what went on in that relationship. A whole lot of very toxic behavior. And I definitely contributed to the issues; not saying it didn’t. But I learned that what I really had needed was to be respected, and I lost it when I opened up and became vulnerable. I never got it back. I won’t do it again.

[@Alex-bl8uh]

@tbhgodrick6120 thanks for sharing so deeply. To me, opening up doesn't seem like the root cause, though. It seems like there were things underlying that broke out during those tougher times. Maybe she didn't feel safe anymore and wasn't able to figure this one out with you more constructively. And you didn't feel respected anymore. You both were hurt where you are very vulnerable it seems which might made it difficult to be able to communicate benevolent on how to get these needs met and how to solve this together. Did you tell her how you felt not respected in a not judging way? Did you ask her what she was missing for her?

[@tbhgodrick6120]

@@Alex-bl8uh yeah and she would never admit it but I could tell it was the truth. She’s a bad liar. I could always tell when she was lying. It wasn’t the only problem, but it was a major contributing factor to things going wrong.

[@Atum_Ra]

It's not the words she's sayin it's the tone, I went from listening to zoning out by humming a tune in my head in 3 seconds flat. God bless her significant other for having to live with that.

[@Thrillhouse84]

Yeah can't count how many times I've been told "it's OK" and then have it thrown back in my face for years

[@MrNocturnOwl]

Any time I've been emotionally vulnerable with a woman they stopped being attracted to me.

[@edwin5419]

Never open up. It always gets used against you.

[@narutostarfox44]

But how? What is an example?

[@christophercombs7561]

​@narutostarfox44 what ever you are frustrated or feel insecure about is used to belittle and manipulate you

[@mikec2012]

They find a way, it has happened to me. God forbid you bring up a death in the family.​@@narutostarfox44

[@WeightedCali]

​@@narutostarfox44Never tell women your feelings. Never.

[@darthbumblebee7310]

You can’t be in a real relationship and not open up. It doesn’t work like that.

[@1984Musicforever]

I appreciate the gesture. Often times when a man opens up to a woman they will go on to tell other people about his personal issues or sometimes belittle their struggle as well as look down on them as weak. It's probably the worst thing you could do to a man.

[@The3rdeye14]

I love being vulnerable so I can see who my real friends and people are. And I don’t complain about my problems. I laugh about em to the point that people open up to me every time