Why Narcissists Commit Suicide? To Be Great Again!

Narcissists commit suicide as a way to re-assert and restore their grandiosity.
LITERATURE
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Recognition and Treatment, Elsa Ronningstam, Ph.D., Igor Weinberg, Ph.D., Focus: The Journal of Lifelong Learning in Psychiatry, Spring 2013, Vol. XI, No. 2
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[@shelleylaneve3534]

My ex who I had been with for almost 30 years, since age 17, committed suicide after I left. I told myself he would get better as he got older, instead he got worse. He posted his suicide note on Facebook. Telling lies about me and making it all about my actions! He succeeded in causing me problems after he was gone in the way ignorant people believe his comments. Years later I am dealing with even the city my business resides, and discrimination. He made sure I would be abused even after he was gone. So selfish

[@seabreeze9743]

Maybe it’s a wounded hero thing we see in npd sometimes. I’m so special cause look what I’ve been through, and he really believed he had. Unless that dosen’t constitute lying if he believes it.

[@jennyjenjen9180]

I knew a narcissist who was obsessed with suicide to make his ex wife feel bad for moving and leaving him after he beat her and tried to kill her. He would talk about how in his suicide note he could prove to his kids that he loves them and their mother was the cause of his death.

[@cathy9025]

You have captured the suicidal narcissist. My youngest son, age 46, committed suicide 8 months ago, he was a narcissist.

[@Lana-S]

Thank you. Prof. Sam Vaknin. My father used to threaten to kill himself. He screamed, left and always came back hours later. It was so scarry as a child but he did other things so I was always scared. He did this often, the threatening. When he came back he would act as if nothing happened…. I broke contact I am an adult now. My whole life I would always be scared that he would do it if I told him no; so I never had boundaries. Now I do/learning. My life is so peaceful, silence now that he is not in my life anymore. But he is still my dad and I am sorry for him that he is struggling so much his whole life. I wish him better.

[@Lana-S]

@@ling-qw2gh I am so sorry! I hope you also found piece with yourself.

[@Lana-S]

@@ling-qw2gh it changed? Wow. Is she seeking help? That is high exceptional then? I wanted to save my father… told him to seek help. Told him he always had drama etc. There was nothing wrong with him, nothing. It was always the other people around him and especially me, the scapegoat since I was a child. I give my little me a hug. And try to tell myself every day that I am worth it. I hope it will work out for you, both.

[@Lana-S]

@@ling-qw2gh I know people will disagree maybe but you can't help her. She has to help herself and you have to help yourself. Leave if you don't want a life full of trauma's. I am fucked with my trauma's and I think (even after years of therapy) I will forever have to deal with my trauma's some wounds are too deep. It will stay a struggle even tho I also feel positive changes after therapy.

[@Lana-S]

@@ling-qw2gh if this is your way and it is okay for you then who would I be to say you are doing to wrong thing. Do what is good for you! You are wright everyone has their own approach. For me, no contact is the only way.

[@wumphump9436]

This is one heck of an owner's manual. Thank you Sam!

[@alena3214]

In my experience it’s because the narcissist wanted to hurt and punish his family with his suicide, because he thought they could not live without him, couldn’t keep their lifestyle going.

[@samvaknin]

Sounds grandiose enough.

[@covegirl06]

A guy I know decided to Kill himself on the day that just so happened to be his wife’s birthday and Mother’s Day. I would definitely say he had narcissistic tendencies. I’ve been trying to make sense out of it ever since I found out about it. I hadn’t talked to him in years, but from looking at his social media, he seemed happy in his relationship. He was always posting how much he loved his wife and how he’d never had a relationship where he truly felt loved and accepted for who he was. So why kill himself on her special day? He literally could’ve picked any other day. I keep wondering if that was his way of punishing the women in his life. Perhaps his mom and his wife. I recall seeing a few posts where he posted about having some issues with his mother. I don’t think I could have any sympathy if my husband tried to hurt me in such a cruel way. I would interpret that as his him trying to hurt me and I’d forever hate him for it.

[@k123x9]

My narcissistic ex was threatening me that he would jump through the window as I repeated another time that that breaking up with him was a question of time and not “if”, he openly shouted that he hated me that much that he wanted to show me “what a real suffer means” as I would blame myself for my whole life, I called his parents and told them to do something with their son as I was leaving him anyway, than he got angry and stopped talking to all of us, but didn’t jump neither and went to work instead.

[@covegirl06]

@@k123x9 smh.. if I knew someone’s intentions were to threaten me or punish me in that way, it would have the complete opposite affect on me. To go to such extreme lengths to control me or punish me would piss me off to the point me not even caring about them dying. The audacity of someone to even think they can control me in that way. My grandma would say things like that. She didn’t necessarily threaten to kill herself, but she’d use her future death as a way to guilt trip you into doing whatever she wanted you to do. She’d say stuff like “y’all gonna miss me when I’m gone!” Or if she wanted you to run errands for her or whatever and you had some other plans that day, she’d say stuff like “I could’ve been dead in this house and you worried about shopping at the mall!” She finally died a year ago. And no, I didn’t feel sad. I felt relief! I hated how much she treated my mom like shit. She always talked about dying. So when it finally happened, a part of me felt happy.

[@curlwhurl8054]

I really feel this. I just lost my mother to suicide, after a lifetime of emotional manipulation, emotional abuse and neglect from her (she literally left me when I was a child and would never tell me why). Last year I stood up to her, stated my boundaries, and that in order to fix our relationship she'd need to go to therapy. Now, she's dead. My whole life all I got was the silent treatment when I didn't do what she wanted, this now just feels like a gigantic, devastating version of that. Amongst the pain, heartbreak, guilt and confusion, I just feel silenced, angry and manipulated even though she's done it to herself and shortened her own life. I feel like the world isn't ready to talk about the complexity of narcissistic suicide, and how the person making that choice isn't always a hurting, harmless, victim. But someone who has ruined many lives first.

[@anabandana666]

Today is the saddest day I've ever listened to Sam Vaknin, i lost narcissistic partner a few days ago to this very statistic. & I am shattered

[@lillianedwards11]

Love to you! I lost my dad this way in November. I hope the truth can prevail.

[@backyardbirdswildlifeofthe3202]

I love your channel so much! It helped me escape an abusive , narcissistic relationship. My abuser was stunned when I was leaving. I had to go for my safety. He decided to take his life in July 4th. I'm in shock ! I feel he is still trying to punish me and I refuse to feel responsible. I loved him deeply but it was 10 years of hell.

[@jacqelvilleraw]

I was with one like this. He always said it when he couldn't handle not getting his way and when I was ready to leave.

[@YBALSTHYYY]

My father used his suicide to cause further hurt. His note letting me know he felt nothing for me & giving my brother clues on how to continue with the abuse of my privacy. I don't know who I feel sorrier for, my father & his inability to love his children or my brother for blindly carrying out the plans of his abuser.

[@k123x9]

My ex was overprotective about his health and afraid to die, but at the same moment he claimed to have suicidal thoughts and to want to commit suicide several times. Once I’ve asked him what was the difference between dying by accident and committing suicide and he said that the second one was fine for him because it would be him having control about the situation.

[@tathe3786]

You See

[@johndonahue4777]

Sounds familiar.y narcissistic father also was overprotective about his health. Collected medical books for the layman. Visited doctors more than average. Big on home remedies and had a make-up case to carry around his many prescriptions. (And hair dye. He was an anorexic that made my mother cook every meal twice. (Something was always 'wrong' with the first one.) His mother had done that for him doting to make up for his narcissistic father who had no use for him. It was like narcissism was his legacy. The damage echoed down the generations. Unbelievable. And so maladaptive. Deadly mistake to be a Narcy...

[@luca.mayflowers]

I don't see how wanting to die on your own terms is inherently narcissistic . a lot of suicidal people don't actually want to die and some even fear death because we don't know what happens afterward . suicide can be a way to take control of a life that only throws pain at you . also , some forms of dying are more painful than others . with that being said , someone who's suicidal may not be totally sure if they want to die . there's stages of suicide and being in the earlier stages, they may wanna preserve their health if they believe they have a chance to make it out . self care could also just be a hobby .

[@zulftreerain8991]

It's sad these narcissists don't value their life...

[@tkm69u]

This is very enlightening on possibly the final step for some Narcissist.

[@zulftreerain8991]

The narc i knew commited a suicide in 2007 after he lost his a few million INR in crysis, so it was all about money. He didn't die, his friend was near by and came along to see him. This man was living alone many years away from his family and relatives. He still can perceive himself real and existing only when he has money. Without money he feels and acts totally miserable and like a child who is rejected and insulted by this world, depression and not even able to talk on the phone or go out to the world.

[@fuzzyfriendsrescuevoluntee3036]

You're fantastic! So good at explaining. So narcissists think of suicide as a "reset button." Interesting!

[@SOUMEN]

yes. its just like whatever life was for me i lived . Now its time to leave the stage . better not make this drama boring

[@shannongoulding5440]

Curious, murder-suicide cases, of course, there is no data on it, and there are many unknown variables. But, if someone fantasized about vengeful killing but won't act on it, would they be more inclined to act on it if they decide suicide is the answer with the middle finger.

[@angelicapickles_]

You’re brilliant! I enjoyed this discourse. I agree. I always thought suicide was more so a grandiose action rather than victimhood

[@ivana5240]

This is well known among psychiatrists. It may be the most common type of (attempted) suicide in our western culture for sure.

[@misscheif]

It is scary to think they would do that because they really value the idea of attention above every thing, I had to realize this when I called the hotline and they kept trying to make me feel important like, I was a emotional wreck and wanted to STOP living to escape people and they just kept telling me to keep living for them, I think it messed me up further cause I guess they mostly deal with that other type and didn't recognize the cycle of abuse I was dealing with and wanted a exit (which I'm happy to say I escaped from after a lengthy stay in a mental ward and they did actually get me resources to escape my situation that i thought was hopeless)

[@neti-neti4727]

To the point! My ex talked about takeing her life if she had to live someday in a co-operative flat.

[@echowoah]

Gotta love it when problems solve themselves.

[@Dina-kw1le]

To contain narcissistic supply post mortem, could not have said it better my self.

[@kathycole3701]

My friend was definitely NPD - and he was an on and off again partner for 26 years - committed suicide on 6/30 at my house. I believe there was comorbidity of major depression precipitated by a specific event. He did reach out for help, but only after stewing on his own for 30 days with the paranoia and delusions growing. After 56 hours with me, he managed to do it when I went to an appt. leaving the house. So in this case then, there was warning and the cry for help. Given that, much of the article still really fit well with his situation.

[@lillianedwards11]

I know my dad was having paranoia and delusions before he committed suicide. There are a string of messages in the days up to his death of this nature and then, the last message, is supposedly him realising how messed up he is… that is the end.

[@courtneyyates120]

What was the event?

[@keitajuniper22]

Thank you Professor Sam

[@hollybee2686]

I can’t help but wonder if narcissists are more likely to take their lives on holidays and other “important” dates?

[@samvaknin]

Yes.

[@gorunsko31]

This is so good. I will watch it again without taking notes. “Narcissist killed himself in order to live forever.” As someone who grew up with Jesus on the cross at home, I have a lot to think about. First, I will revisit my resistance during my religious lesson from early childhood… something was not adding up for me when the message: Jesus did this to wipe out our sins, was hammered into my little head. Thank you, Sam. Today presentation is one of most meaningful to me for several reasons. ❤appreciate it.

[@siennaharbin4960]

I’m curious if you would elaborate further? What does the idea of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins give you in relation to narcissists? I ask because, I have been struggling deeply with if narcissists are reprobates; as in what the Bible denotes as God turning away from someone and giving that person over to their sin/evil, and in essence, over to the devil….. so I struggle with knowing if my Narc who committed suicide had a chance to repent in the after life…. Seems like they really have no good spirit in them when they are here…. Just saying. I digress…. If you would, what are your thoughts on Jesus dying on the cross and this presentation? Sounds heavy, so I understand if not wanting to discuss. God bless you and sending you prayers.

[@gorunsko31]

@@siennaharbin4960 I feel fragile today, so will think about your post snd will return when I feel stronger at peace. ( I hope). One think I can tell you right away is this: my heart goes out to you. I hear your struggle about accepting the suicide. This is normal in my humble opinion. As humans we are very much afraid of our helplessness snd we may get tempted into feeling guilt instead. This may happen to anyone who lost someone to death regardless of circumstances. It may be defense mechanism … when my father died natural death I felt very guilty about not being with him and not doing more etc. went to grief workshop on the spur of the moment and heard this from the person trained in counseling grieving people. Be gentle with yourself. I heard someone that God wants us to love ourselves… hmm this made an impression on me… God as not a punishing entity but a loving one, wanting us, humans to love ourselves in His honor. The religious message I grew up with were too harsh. I did not wanted Jesus to die, period, but especially for my sins! Today, at age 74, I choose to believe faith is a very personal choice. Very personal relationship. All I want for you right now is to let go of trying to figure out something that is very personal snd it was personal for the person who chose to end his/her life. Sending lots of love. May God of your understanding comforts you. I believe you are a good person deserving peace ☮️ and ❤️ p.s. narcissistic people hurt others but they also suffer. Bad things happened to them when they were children. Maybe your narcissist suffered enough.

[@Dina-kw1le]

I knew his game and knew the guilt he wanted to leave behind

[@suerees6221]

What a great video. I had an narcissistic ex who threatened suicide with pills at my house. I was so mad T him I told him to do it outside. Anyway, turns out after I had persuaded him to leave and because he didn’t wNt to lose his job, he said he wouldn’t do it and he gave me the pills to flush down the toilet. After he’d gone I noticed they wouldn’t flush/ he had taken the contents out!

[@kristenchauvin8755]

I'd love to hear you do an analysis of Kurt Cobain's personality and suicide…

[@maryritch]

Frances doesn't speak with Courtney. Courtney did a delusional histrionic podcast about Cobain on Marc Maron. Courtney supported Marilyn Manson and Frances did not. Frances teamed up with Tony Hawk and collaborated on a skateboard that had Kurt's drawings. All money went to a mental health charity. Was around Kurt's birthday. Courtney posted about nirvana being honored 30 years ago at some celebrity ass kiss ceremony on his birthday. Courtney deleted instagram after more allegations that she is a huge bully. Seemed like Courtney is a narcissist and Kurt had borderline or something along those lines. I idolized Kurt when I was a teen and went on a black hole internet investigation earlier this year lol

[@iqxdc1693]

I cant feel emotion as normal people do which i have came to realise. I only tonight found the only fear i have which is everyone around me growing old and things changing. I just want to be gone and not have to go through the sorrows of losing a loved one in the future. I currently live with my grandma and know her time is coming. I feel if i die before i wont have to carry the burden of her disappearance from this world. People tell me what i plan on doing after high school and i dont even know because i am not planning on living that long. I cant talk to no therapist because i am not good with talking with others. I guess i am just a coward

[@streaming5332]

If you've gone you're not here to restore anything

[@DiamondsRexpensive]

I've always said this. They don't even think about the fact that someone has to clean the horrific mess they left or the people they psychologically traumatised that day, if anything they want it to be seen. Then I have idliots tell me to sympathise with those attention 🐎

[@DawnshieId]

You fragile empaths just can't stop getting hurt by this badassery, can you. You cry and cry and cry... 😂

[@DawnshieId]

@@Tane77 And then you go that low because you don't have anything else to say 😂

[@R.Specktre]

So when is it Bibi's turn?

[@jaytothekay1]

Thank you for this!

[@user-pw3zp4zv3g]

Thank you Sam ❤ you are one of my HEROES 👑

[@DawnshieId]

Brainwashed 😂

[@justified2065]

The last sentence got me..

[@nancysavard4322]

A few weeks ago my covert narc mother ended up in the hospital. My brother received a text from the building manager where she lives, saying she was unwell and he went over (he's no contact on and off. I'm 21 years no contact). She hadn't been eating or drinking and was literally letting herself die during a heat wave. Her phone was off. She can no longer walk, her husband passed 2 years ago, she lives in isolation because she's managed to alienate everyone. The EMTs stated that she was severely dehydrated and would have died if left another couple of days. We're still unsure if this was a manipulation (because everyone responded, even me--I went to the hospital to support my brother who was very shaken. My niece and nephew went to visit several times. Her siblings reached out, so major supply for her). Would she have let herself die if my brother hadn't responded to the well-timed text? Unclear why the manager called my brother and not 911 (this is where it feels manipulative). Remains to be seen if this will happen again. We're staying tuned...

[@blasien1]

Thanks for the insights!

[@lostone9784]

Correct, my time has come

[@RyanBlainey-mu8qk]

Very interesting

[@user-yi8cs5sb7f]

Thank u, Sam❤️

[@Natttttttttt]

I was contemplating suicide this evening. Funny how this comes up . Maybe I’m the narc

[@CassandraSchuback-ro9qh]

I have npd and I feel so much shame I just want to die

[@DawnshieId]

Hey, I really truly care about you. These so-called "empaths" are just bullies. I want you to tell yourself that you deserve love, and you're strong and courageous, and you have no reason to feel any shame or apologize. It's okay to feel alone. These people who call feelings manipulation, are just liars. You are all good. 💛 I'm not trying to stop you from doing it; it's your choice and I respect that. I just want you to know that you're loved. ❤

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Your smartphone spied on you and the algorithm is manipulating you

[@AtofaratiAbikoye]

@@CassandraSchuback-ro9qhme too, I just want this to end. I’ve tried to be better I’ve tried to ask for help I’ve tried to become a better person but I just destroy everything around me. I truly believe death would be peace for me I just cannot live the life I have anymore. I simply just do not want to live to see the next day it’s too much and I want it over

[@DawnshieId]

@@Tane77 Do you even know what love is?

[@kremepie6705]

What a perfect ending to this episode! So clever! I never thought of Jesus as a narc and I was a religion major. You are so wise.

[@Resplencemelodi]

He sees his reflection only. And not a pool. And we are his continuously reproducing fantasy who only serves his end.

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Repent for this blasphemy I also unsubscribe

[@debbyjoy3]

If Narcissists think they are so god like and superior..why did my husband act like a hurt child who was sorry for being bad and just wanted to do things for me and get attention.? It is so confusing. You don't think he could kill himself because he feels so sad and has nowhere to go that he just ends his life because he just doesnt want to live anymore because he is so worthless in his own eyes?.

[@samvaknin]

Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

[@debbyjoy3]

@@samvaknin Thank you Sam. I am struggling SO much with the guilt of failing him in his aging because I found my voice and stood up to him. he lost control of me and his mind and couldnt stand what was happening to him. I know I did not escape the trauma bonding...I know I was in the shared fantasy..I know I took on his well being as though it were my responsibility. I see my part in all of it..for 28 years...but I cant shake the guilt. You literally saved me from ending my life through this process these past 8 months Sam. Thank you .

[@Acceptancetoday]

The narc I knew stated that hitler was a highest level soul who sacrificed himself…….ugh

[@ramonaleona4119]

Omg

[@tathe3786]

I sometimes thought when the one escalates on Little Reason and told me he Now Fletcher a knive to kill himselves….. he would like to Provoce me, with his absolut irrational escalating and devaliuational behave to make me escalat to Force me to Kill him cause He is too coward…makes that any and Sense???

[@tdesq.2463]

Sounds kinda similar to the phenomenon of "Suicide by Cop" ... if I read Your note accurately. ~TD, Boston

[@tathe3786]

@@tdesq.2463 yes!!! Sounds familiar!!! I think in the back of their shaken mind they have this impulsive thinking!!!

[@Acceptancetoday]

The narc emphasized multiple lives ahead so no need to make amends in this life, and comforted himself with grandiose previous lives…. Such as personally knowing king toth in past life ( who is that anyway?). Stated that evil doers in this life are the highest soles who volunteer to bring badness that is needed to complete soul contracts……….complete horse pucky

[@DawnshieId]

Hey, you've said the same thing, guaranteed - just through your actions instead of words.

[@christelledebeer9631]

Are narcissists that have street drug habits likely to commit suicide by overdosing?

[@samvaknin]

Accidents happen even to narcissists. As to suicide, search the channel.

[@martinotegui]

Depresión in narc Is higher in crisis but in good times Is latent but Is lower and maybe be called "distemia".

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel.

[@martinotegui]

@@samvaknin thanks Sam. Your work Is outstanding. I'm N with out diagnóstic. But i have high suspects. I see some videos of your visión of narc and cold therapy Is awesome and hopefully. (Sorry for my precary english i try it without translate).

[@heleneliciouse]

Prof Sam, how do you heal from all the pain of your past and the horrific experience over 5 yrs with pathological lying cheating using verbally abusive Narcissist (ex now no contact but he still trying Thanks in advance

[@DawnshieId]

You commit ledge just like he did 😂

[@innaflower777]

Is there a chance and how to let the body forget the feelings which the intimacy with narcissist caused for borderline (in a good sense)? If the intimacy experience BPD had with NPD was the one she always wanted and never had before like with this special NPD? If after watching a number of your videos and understanding all the harm which was done to psychics and physically and so on with her mind, the physical desire specifically for that one NPD had never gone away after a long period of time of not seeing NPD (around a year), and also long time with no contact. Would really appreciate your answer Dr. Vaknin. 🙏

[@971u08kaa]

As a female primary psychopath I noticed that I can easily "break the narcissists indifference" and fill this really small space for another person in his/her mind. I broke some of those grandiose narc's "hearts", I noticed that some of them can miss me for a very long time (they told me about it) and think that I was the best they ever had (also their words). I described myself once as a narcissists karma. Is this a real thing or just my delusion designed to eliminate the hurt caused by these individuals? I remember seeing this "empty schizoid core" he looked in my eyes, so lost, and told panicly "i don't know who I am!" "Who am I?" It was exactly like you said, kind of borderline state in a narcissist

[@FoundSheep-AN]

How do you break their indifference?

[@tdesq.2463]

Do they understand the reality of what they're doing? ... like the permanence/irreversibility aspect of it, or that they don't get to see people suffer by it, if any? ~TD, Boston

[@samvaknin]

Suicide is just another fantasy.

[@tdesq.2463]

@@samvaknin I have to admit that there are some things that I will probably never be able to understand at any meaningful level. Anyway, thanks for the response. That's one Hell of a brain You've got working there. You got good stuff!!! Much appreciated! Respect from Boston

[@3jesus3christ3]

why wouldn't someone understand the irreversibility of death? that would be a matter of intellect, not perception or self perception. to answer your question, ALL people contain a cold empathy which allows them to conceptualize and manipulate relationships. try asking rather comprehensible questions if you want comprehensible answers, though

[@tdesq.2463]

@@3jesus3christ3 It was something of a rhetorical question. Specifically, of the Tongue-in-Cheek sort. Sorry for any miscommunication.

[@ly216]

I would like to hear your interview with the Polish psychologist you are mentioning, Daniel Zukovska, however, I am getting the name wrong, I can't quite understand how I should spell the name in order to search it. Could you share the interview or the spelling of the name?

[@samvaknin]

Daria Zukowska.

[@rachelstrauss116]

education system: boo!

[@starandeath4735]

This is so fucking hilarious when one of my ex friend killed himself I was lost cause I wished he could've learned his ways but knowing him yeah he is like this. This gave me closure ahhahhahah

[@helenahon]

In Jesus' case, he succeeded.

[@DawnshieId]

Do something about it. 😂

[@FoundSheep-AN]

Repent for your blasphemy

[@ruthiecastro9519]

How twisted

[@DawnshieId]

Gonna cry? 😂

[@Windibird]

Damn…Jesus as the most successful narc in the history of the world by literally succeeding in being considered God by much of the world and known in some way by all forever, and by suicide as well. What a concept!