Why Self Improvement is Ruining Your Life

[@nathanieldrew]

Come hang on my Discord channel - discord.gg/mentalclarity - there are loads of interesting conversations happening on there on mental clarity, language learning & living more intentionally.

[@manishm5300]

Hey.....❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@maiwandpainda1815]

You are really fast Slow down

[@maiwandpainda1815]

Your biggest problem is that you want to know everything about everything and live the best life ( which doesn’t exist )

[@elsaachieng3790]

Finding balance is challenging but totally worth it. Relationships are important after all, we are social beings

[@lyricsvaultla]

Wooow es increíble lo mucho que me identifiqué con lo que acabas de decir, hace un tiempo estaba pensando en eso, después de haber leído esto: www.bbc.com/future/article/20210105-why-our-pursuit-of-happiness-may-be-flawed y después de haber visto varios videos de gente de 100 años hablando de lo que se arrepentían de su vida, lo que les gustaría haber hecho o de sus recuerdos más felices. Me gusto mucho tu video 👍🏼

[@InnerResearcher]

I want to be honest with you because this video touched me deeply and made me reflect even more on what I kind-of already knew. I'm a productivity machine. I work full-time in a creative job, part-time i'm getting my Bachelor's, I wake up at 630 and meditate, workout, and read before starting work at 9. I have a youtube channel, i have online classes, i'm learning the guitar, i'm writing articles that are being published. Yet... I don't feel happy. I always feel like I need to do more. My boyfriend has a full time job and does a bit of consultancy on the side during the week, and on the weekends he sleeps until 10-11 am, spends time with me, and games with his friends. And he's so damn happy. I get upset about this and really triggered, and have for months, because I realise seeing how happy he is by doing so much less than me makes me realise how much of my worth is attached to productivity. He legit will game for like a whole day and it always upset me, but I've recently realised it upsets me because he's doing something that brings him so much joy while interacting with friends. I don't have that... everything that I do feels like a means to an end, to get better, to improve myself, to achieve more. I legit don't have a hobby that I do just for the fun of it (even the books I read are for 'personal development') This video really hit home. THANK YOU Nathaniel. Much love to you

[@SallyWaters24]

I relate so much! My husband has ADHD and we have such different approaches to life. We met in sixth form but only got together after he dropped out and I went to Cambridge university. I was so driven about doing things, and he liked to get stoned. The contrast could not have been greater. Together we’ve both balanced each other a bit, and I’ve learned so much about how to relax from him. I still have all the old patterns though of constantly needing to feed my ego with the next project that will somehow lead me to feeling calm and happy and safe and enough. Even hobbies get sucked into this instead of being things I just do for fun. It is a long journey to change how I feel about these things but counselling is helping. I wish you the best in your journey as well, it’s way harder than it looks to let go and step back!

[@foreverblessedministries]

Trust me I use to be addicted to gaming literally all day for years he’s not having fun he’s just addicted. James 4:4 “did you know friendship with the world is hatred towards God?” Stop looking for worldly pleasures and seek Jesus in and be humble

[@itzplant3196]

@@foreverblessedministries this is her boyfriend's schedule: _"My boyfriend has a full-time job and does a bit of consultancy on the side during the week, and on the weekends he sleeps until 10-11 am, spends time with me, and games with his friends"_ This is not the action of someone who is addicted. Just because he had a day-long gaming session doesn't mean he's addicted. He is enjoying his life and schedules nothing about that is obscene or blasphemous. Plenty of Christians play video games. Long gaming sessions are ok as long as it's not your only source of dopamine and you don't lose sight of what's important. He has a full job, a side job, and a girlfriend. He's ok. I'm a student and I've gamed for a whole winter break to play. Like from 11am- 3am the next day to finish a new game. Even after that half a month I still went back to school, and still didn't feel the need to constantly play.

[@foreverblessedministries]

@@itzplant3196 as we grow older especially as a Christian we should learn to have other hobbies other than gaming. The Bible talks about laziness and procrastination. Jeremiah 48:10 Cursed is he who does the work of the LORD with slackness, and cursed is he who keeps back his sword from bloodshed”. You can’t let God work in your life if you’re gaming all day and not leaving time for him I learned this the hard way

[@itzplant3196]

​@@foreverblessedministries Im sure he has other hobbies if he can juggle being an adult, having a significant other, a job (and side gig), and his friends. It seems like a swell life for him. He isn't even gaming all day. Her comment said the weekend. So what? Maybe 2-6hrs during two days? Shouldn't he just be able to live a well-mannered, virtuous life? Who even said he was Christian? 🤷

[@djordjegligorijevic6074]

Self help content is basically a two edged sword. If you are really at low point in your life, self help book can definitely help and motivate you, but if you constantly read those kinds of books, it is literally a never ending cycle.

[@IshaSharma11]

Agree

[@danurkresnamurti3598]

yes, each book tell the same thing.

[@Prettymapleleaf]

Yep. You can get caught in the thinking aspects of self help and have very little action. Eventually you have to put your work boots on and actually take action towards what you want. Happiness is a choice. Once you realize you are not your thoughts it frees you. I observe my thoughts now without engaging with them. It’s incredibly freeing. Self help books helped me tremendously in the past and early in my journey..... but eventually you have to take over.

[@Prettymapleleaf]

@@danurkresnamurti3598 it’s the same as the weight loss industry. A lot of the things people buy to help them lose weight are very similar. The only way you will actually lose weight is by actually following through with what is being suggested and being consistent with it. If you are just reading self help books but not actually implementing what they are suggesting on a regular daily routine basis, it won’t work. Obviously....

[@djordjegligorijevic6074]

@@Prettymapleleaf Exactly. I know a lot of people who have read "Rich dad, poor dad" and felt overconfident about it, but actually never started investing.

[@CaptainSinbad]

An absolutely beautiful video man. It's only this year where I feel much less driven by goals and much more by relationships.

[@jonathanwolff7868]

I am driven by your screaming in the Goggins video

[@wisdombro316]

This Means More Videos from you on Dating! XD just kidding

[@juansarasua]

Seriously I have no idea when you speak seriously or just ironic hahaha, btw love your stuff

[@JordanEstes]

* driven by goats

[@shailenderpratap4507]

@@jonathanwolff7868 bruh moment

[@shylieart]

This is literally the mindset I’m trying to achieve right now- life is not about “productivity” it’s about living and being in the moment.

[@sochbymohakmangal2177]

W•H•A•T•S•A•P•P +•1•5•3•9•9•9•9•0•0•9•7 I•n•v•e•s•t•in•C•r•y•p••t•o B•T•C•A•N•D •E•T•H•.... ...... .

[@RezeHB]

Wanna be my friend?

[@justin6777]

@@sochbymohakmangal2177 This is not the real Nathaniel, for anyone wondering.

[@celabration1]

It’s hard. After years of hard work to get here, where I’m most productive, I realized it makes me actually very unhappy 🙁

[@shylieart]

@@celabration1 :( yucky feeling... better to be aware though

[@DanHammonds]

The pursuit of self improvement is a constant affirmation that you're not good enough. It took me most of my life to realise that my obsession with self improvement books, videos and "gurus" was the reason I had been lacking confidence and self esteem.

[@harambey]

“It’s like a butterfly the more you chase it the more it’ll avoid you” - some smart dude

[@fabientreve4189]

Well it depends, self improvement can also bring you self love, and give you tools to understand how you work as a humain being. The thing is, the terms "self improvements" refer to so many things that it's vague now. It's a giant mix of very old philosophy notions, health, sports...even some very materialistic/money oriented notions if we take some "self improvement" IG page for instance. Self improvement CAN teach you a lot, just take what you need in the different aspects of it. As Nathaniel is showing here, you just have to find a balance between improving yourself and actually enjoying moments of your life. I get your point though, glad that you found a way to solve the equation, just wanted to point out that everyone can have a different experience with self improvement. Take care !

[@BilalAhmed5]

The key is to be content with who you are right now while progressing towards the ideal

[@DanHammonds]

Don't get me wrong I believe in making the best of yourself, seeking knowledge, keeping fit and healthy, and in a literal sense self improvement can be a positive thing. But when it turns into an obsessive pursuit and you find yourself indoctrinated by the motivational speakers, influencers and the cult of self improvement, that's where it gets dangerous. Even at the point of achieving or surpassing many of my goals, I still felt like I was coming up short and needed to aim higher. I felt guilty for "wasting my time" seeing friends, dating and even sleeping! It got to the point where I was consuming large amounts of caffeine and ephedrine in an attempt to "hack my sleep" and cram in a few extra hours of work every day.

[@lizetteroni5410]

i agree! i feel like there needs to be a shift in self help. it’s okay to want to improve and in some way get obsessed with self help if it digs you out of a negative place - but it’s not meant to be forever. it’s supposed to be a tool to help, but not be a crutch. to reframe it in a way that gives u a little boost, but for the most part ya gotta figure it out on your own 😬

[@curiousmind212]

"You cannot find external solutions to internal problems." As someone working in the mental health field, I really appreciate you saying this. We are trained NOT to tell people how to solve their problems and live their lives. We help people as they figure that out for themselves. Life coaches, gurus, self help books always tried to prescribe a solution, but the real answer is one that you discover for yourself.

[@valentinacastroarte]

Right!!! This is the gist of of all self help books. They pretend to give you the key ( the money thing- you are special approach - do not waste time agenda -fake it until you make it, etc,) and there is no magic recipe that fit all people, every individual comes with different motivations and struggles. We have to reach our goals in a way that our lives are also improved and that is the real challenge. Cooking life until it tastes good. As an artist I am now trying to treat my life as the art of living it, enjoying it and sharing more with others. It has not been easy seeing beyond the Studio..hoping that this way will eventually enriches my art as well. (Ummm...Not sure how got written...English not my first language)

[@MrKrusten]

this is such a wrong assumption. So so wrong. Alot of peoples internal problems are based on external issues/problems. Alot of people have internal issues based on external issues. Fixing your external issues is therefore the answer to fixing your internal issues. This isnt always the case but most people dont feel inadequate for no reason. If you are bald and feel bad about it, getting a hair transplant (an external solution) will fix your internal issue. If you dont have a partner and feel bad about that, getting a partner will fix that internal issue. Why are you assuming everyones internal issues are based on nothing, or that they are never based on external issues? Why are you assuming this, where are you getting this from? You work in the mental health field? Is everyone you know born with uncureable depression or what? Or is it rather that people feel unhappy because of very (external) specific things? Because the opposite is true for the vast majority of people. Alot of fucking people become happy and content by fixing or getting rid of a few annoying things in their lifes, be it as vain and simple as a unattractive nose, your big belly, your job situation. All very simple things and simple to fix (not easy, simple), yet alot of times thats all thats needed to be a somewhat content and happy person. Obviously perfection can never be achieved but a baseline of happiness and content-ness is extremely valueable.

[@lifeisbeautifuldarlinimlovinit]

@@MrKrusten yes I agree with what you are saying

[@curiousmind212]

@@MrKrusten I think you may have misunderstood what I was say. I'm not implying people feel depression or anxiety for no reason. I'm also not saying it cant be cured. I'm saying that depression or anxiety can't be solved with a morning routine, productivity hack, or any of the other quick fix methods that a lot of self help books promote. The cure is usually something personal. The goal of therapy is to help a person build resilience so that when they encounter difficult external or internal things they can cope and problem solve. If hair loss is causing you depression or anxiety that is debilitating, I agree that solving the hair loss issue might be helpful. But what if you cant solve the external problem? Or what if you do solve the hair loss and find that you still feel anxious or depressed? That's where therapy can be helpful. We could look at whether there are deeper feelingabout self worth or feelings of unwantedness that the hair loss is bringing up. Depression, anxiety, and many other issues in the mental health field are curable but the cure is personalized. A self help book isnt personalized, by definition it is general advice.

[@MrKrusten]

@@curiousmind212 I did kind of misunderstand you. But my comment still very much applies to what he said in the video. He completely disregarded the possibility of external solutions for internal problems, or that internal problems can be based on external problems and i very much believe that is usually the case. Of course there is more to it than just "fix x and y and you'll be happy" but for alot of people, this makes up the ballpark of it. Of course you can train your charakter and your mind and your willpower and over years you'll learn to be completely content with being bald (or maybe you just tell yourself that you are?). But the easier, and for alot of people only solution is to simply fix whatever external problem(s) they have. What he says is basically just "just be confident bro, just be happy bro". Yeah dont try to fix your problems, they dont help you, you'll always be miserable even if you do fix your problems. Or atleast it can very easily be interpreted that way, which is just unhealthy and complicates everything unnecessarily. Just to give a simple example again. If you are bald and you are losing your mind over it, stop listening to all the bald guys with grandpa beards who make fun of you for being insecure about your bald head. Dont listen to them. It bothers you? Go and spend that 10.000$ on a hair transplant. Do it and you'll most likely end up much happier than if you would have taken the other route. Depression is a completely different story and much more complicated than what im describing here.

[@τακαλάκαιτακακά]

"I absolutely want to get more out of life, but not in an optimized, calculated, ones and zeros sort of way. There is nothing productive about my entire existence because in a billion different scenarios, I always end up as a pile of dust"

[@Steven-os9vj]

That's beautiful honestly brother.

[@malaMu3]

Memento mori 😄

[@Ermude10]

I don't know... It sounds like a good quote, but the last part about his existence not being productive... What does that even mean? Surely you can be productive throughout your life (in the sense that you actually produce something), and still die? That death is an inevitable outcome speaks nothing of the productivity of his existence in my opinion.

[@CDLatin]

@@Ermude10 Because the concept of a legacy isn't real. You die and eventually everyone else does and nothing you did actually matters at all.

[@Ermude10]

@@CDLatin That's not what he's talking about though. He was talking very specifically about _some_ definition of productivity and then just tied that into some random existential meaning out of the blue without explaining anything and just stating it as a matter of fact. That's too much pseudo-philosophy for my taste.

[@medtown]

This is a masterpiece. The productivity culture makes us care so much about result, that we forget to enjoy the process. We forget that in the end experiences marks your life way more than money or completed to-do lists

[@abovethemiddle8408]

So true!

[@beastcookie2458]

thank you I understand this video even more because of you

[@yashaivanov5306]

It’s extremely interesting to observe how “self-improve” channels start to criticize and rethink everything that they have produced!

[@Dermatillomaniac]

Life is a journey for all of us...there's no one answer...to grow and evolve is to be human!

[@godnyx117]

@@Dermatillomaniac Exactly my though! Nobody is a "guru". Nobody knows all the answers! We learn, we evolve and we question are ways and beliefs.

[@marlonargueta]

And nevermind that productivity is productivity NOT self improvement.

[@BillyWright-xg6ig]

Antozent- they are selling around 250 self help books for the price of one (you’re welcome)

[@candylies06]

I recently came across the idea that chasing productivity and always looking for the next achievement to check off your to do list is like playing the notes of a song without feeling the music. You can hit all the right notes but without putting in feeling, the music will still sound empty, like something is missing. The same happens with life.

[@ak-om1fp]

Nicely put :) thank you

[@millylou21]

Beautiful quote, thank you :)

[@ExperienceEarth8]

What a great analogy, thanks for sharing!

[@footlessgecko]

That is exactly how I've felt this past year with the pandemic. I'm a student and have nothing else to do except focus on my studies, to the point that I even use it as a distraction. I'm hitting every note perfectly, I'm playing this song better than I ever have in my life. And I hear nothing.

[@y37chung]

we become so "productive" at doing unnecessary things :) but that is a needed illusion for the sake of societal stability.

[@menafam]

"i think success, is going through life with an open heart..." -Nathaniel Drew 2021 best quote of the year

[@hoeZAYlooEES]

I believe “I have a thing for mountain goats” is the true quote of the year!! 😂 all jokes great video 👍🏽

[@menafam]

@@hoeZAYlooEES i can't disagree; that one's great too LOL

[@aeroball8360]

is it really though? What does that mean to you, going through life with an open heart?

[@menafam]

@@aeroball8360 living life closed off from ur emotions is the last thing you want to do. you have to have an outlet for your emotions to flow through, to not be controlled by them, but also to not shut them out.... ig going through life with an open heart for me, means that you have to find a balance with your emotions; being controlled by them can literally lead to depression and suicide, but shutting them out can do the same... idk lol just my opinion

[@aeroball8360]

@@menafam fair take but i wonder if finding balance with emotions is he what he meant. And personally i dont think thats what he meant at all. Thats my problem with this video and this quote, his message is too vague and up to interpretation.

[@chrisblashill7265]

Nathaniel, in a world of fluffy feel good videos that try to offer temporary motivation or pretend they have the keys to life, your videos are always refreshingly transparent and authentic. Thanks for doing what you do.

[@AleSalvino]

He's a legend, Chris. I really appreciate his content. It helped me a lot, especially to unleash my creative side. Hope you are well!

[@susslife8307]

Self-help is not about fixing, it’s about unlocking. It’s the key to a door that’s closed for most of us. It honestly changed my life.

[@AleSalvino]

Monja you described it perfectly! Same here, life changing. It would be great to learn from you in terms of how you managed to unlock it :)

[@Dhmnh91]

Well said, it makes me more aware of things I wasn't noticing. Without it, I was more like a victim who don't know the way out.

[@Sarah-fh5jb]

It can be. Until/unless it becomes an addiction. Then it’s all book and no action.

[@Dielawn69]

@@Sarah-fh5jb That goes for literally everythong though

[@johncletus9529]

Awesome outlook

[@TakeBackYourMind997]

In my opinion the best first step of any self help journey is accepting yourself, flaws and everything. You might want to improve your life, but you're not broken and you don't need fixing.

[@AleSalvino]

totally agree!

[@thedrakensangtank]

I agree but it is much easier to accept yourself once you have proven to yourself that you can improve

[@AleSalvino]

@@thedrakensangtank actually great point, didn't think of it that way before, but makes total sense!

[@catarinapedreira3231]

Great comment. But the one thing that I've always struggled to wrap my head around is the fact that fully accepting myself and striving to be better at the same time seems quite contradictory

[@TakeBackYourMind997]

@@catarinapedreira3231 I think the difference is when you accept yourself you can start improving yourself because you want to, not because you feel like you need to. Something can be amazing as it is and you can still want to make it even better.

[@afri4443]

is it just me or this year i don't feel like being productive, i just feel like doing nothing, just chill? even though my brain is still programmed to be productive and find my way back to being productive, deep down i just don't want that anymore.

[@alixvapp]

I feel you, each time I feel guilty for not being productive and doing nothing. I'm sick of this.

[@wesaussi9865]

Keep being productive, everyone has a lazy brain that wants whats easy.

[@afri4443]

@@wesaussi9865 yeah of course, but not in the way that society tells us to do it u know

[@fabiorachid3430]

I'm feeling exactly like that Last year I had the goal of reading 15 books, which I reached. This year, I set no goals. I'm just reading the books deeply and that's it. Having a goal was good to make me move, but it put on pressure that in the end wasn't too good. So this year I'm going more for quality than quantity, on my own pace. I think I can say the same for the rest of the things in my life atm.

[@afri4443]

@@fabiorachid3430 same!!!! i agree. it's more important to live through life with joy than to achieving something.

[@bhavyasingh4337]

one of the reasons for loving your content is because you are a scientist in the field of Emotional work...you really opened me up to the ideas of experimenting my life away rather than just focusing on results...you opened my eyes to really understand the importance of experiences Thank you Nathaniel for not being so rigid...love this piece to pieces

[@akarthikkrishna]

Exactly my thoughts too

[@reetudubey6u177]

I agree with you Bhawana his content is so informative yet so deep. Life is not about accomplishing everything but to embrace the little things we have.

[@bhavyasingh4337]

@@reetudubey6u177 yes exactly it's good to know that and it's interesting how you wrote my name Bhawana instead of Bhavya😂😂😂

[@reetudubey6u177]

@@bhavyasingh4337 well I am so sorry about that Bhavya. I just did it by a mistake.

[@bhavyasingh4337]

@@reetudubey6u177 Ohhh you don't have to be sorry it was funny that's all please don't think much about it

[@VerenaSatriani]

" I want to live a rich life in term of meaningful experiences and relationships." This is what I actually need.

[@AleSalvino]

same here Verena

[@ellylumen6603]

I don't think you will ever read this but I just wanted to share that this video made me cry. I''m in a stage in life where I feel so lost and have no goals and feel so lonely. Just wanted to say thank you because its making me thing on how i am perceiving productivity and trying to live life and not just exist.

[@biancotore]

I wish you a luck on your life voyage.

[@2727Reds]

I read your comment and it was like I wrote it, I feel the same now

[@juankukis]

I feel you bro

[@holly4523]

I understand your feeling, Elly. It helped me realize a few things too. Remember that you are a valuable part of the human race, as you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t meant to live. But clearly you are meant to be here, and I’m meant to type this. To connect. Stay awesome, Elly. And live the hell out that valuable life of yours! Learn! Grow! It’s a lifetime process and that’s what makes it all interesting is learning something new everyday, whether it’s about yourself, someone else, or a new scientific fact etc. Many things are worth finding out over a long period of time. Otherwise living life would not be necessary; we’d just exist as you put it. Fun fact: this was written by a person (myself obviously) that had gone through one hell of a journey through Depression, Anxiety, and anger at external influences, and things do get better. I used to be as pessimistic as Eeyore. But I’ve come to realize that comparing my happiness to someone else’s is silly because I’m not someone else. I’m me. And not everyone can do what I can do, or think what I can think, or be what I can be. So I’ve got to carry on in pursuing my happiness. I have to carry on being and allowing others to be. Best of luck, Elly. Sending positive vibes your way.

[@yambaraffaella9775]

You are not alone

[@AB5997]

"Don't let a mad world tell you that success is anything other than a successful present moment" - Eckhart Tolle

[@dicacious9763]

The bald haircut is dope

[@1003tobi]

word

[@YesTheory]

This was great Nathaniel 🙏🙏🙏 can’t wait to share more of our trip

[@irhsounds5715]

Oh wow it's Yes Theory. Hey dudes i'm the first reply thats quite unprecedented for me

[@giacomomossio5043]

Keep up bros! Channels like yours just emprove life of people in a manner that we all can't understand. You probably just changed my mindset and so my life in a better way. Thanks

[@madhavdaga]

YO YES THEORY!!!

[@Jojo_ojoj]

The worlds are colliding

[@LuXTerful]

@@Jojo_ojoj Worlds collide but the outcome is something amazing! :)

[@Capybaragee]

I came to realize that some of the most enjoyable moments in life are those that aren't planned. Someone randomly showing up at your door, an unexpected act of kindness from a stranger, seeing a unique bird while going for a sudden walk, etc. Btw, love the haircut :-)

[@ilovesoccerandalba]

“If you’re coming from self improvement to a place of wanting to fix yourself. It’s ultimately going to leave you feeling more empty, unsatisfied, and unhappy. You cannot find solutions to internal conflict that’s happening from within you. “

[@AleSalvino]

wow this is really good Hanna, thanks for sharing

[@YaelScience]

The logic of constant improvement and productivity is entrepreneurial and if it is applied in personal life you become alienated.

[@mar_celll]

I think this was one of your best pieces, dude. That’s a beautiful statement, and it hit me really hard in the face in a moment where I felt I was losing sight of what the hell we are doing here, in this world. My true thanks, man. And the haircut is looking so slick hahah

[@taabishkhanself-improvemen7331]

*"Work for a cause, not for an applause. Live life to express, not to impress."* Love from a small KZbinr 💙

[@Ladyship-6]

Ohhh I'm adding this to my vocab! 👌🏻😍 Wise words!

[@SkyraXD]

Sounds like a Made2Express quote

[@trinik95]

The person who has lived the most is not the one with the most years but the one with the richest experiences. - Jean-Jacques Rousseau

[@IshaSharma11]

Truee

[@bucsaved2111]

The richest experience is Love.

[@hopeyhope2012]

I recently learned a phrase that came to mind a lot throughout Nathaniel’s video, “the subtle aggression of self-help.” The self-help industry is predicated on people feeling like there is something “wrong” with us, that we are not enough just as we are. It’s so hard not to fall into this trap, so I love the message here of coming to accept what is essentially beyond our control.

[@yunuserdim8556]

This comment is actually pretty valuable

[@Nxtdoorguy]

"lead a rich life through experiences and relationships and not money and possessions" That hit me deep.

[@AleSalvino]

I totally agree here, same feeling!

[@jonk1370]

It's simple: dont waste your life doing things you force yourself to do. Most things you do should be things you enjoy and embrace and shouldn't be a chore

[@AleSalvino]

absolutely perfect description, Jon.

[@PragmaticEmpath]

I think people needed to really hear this at this time. “Trust but verify” and always ask questions. We are our greatest teachers. Naturally. No need to rush or put pressure on the process. Remarkable video. Thank you!

[@dlnpspace]

"We are our greatest teachers" We are a learner and a teacher in our own life.

[@ramnewton]

I like your username

[@oceanwave2630]

"A curiosity about life, a desire to learn new things, but also a fear that I'm not amounting to enough." Man, you summarized my life crisis rn

[@baccarty]

Dude same with me

[@mesunekonyan]

😭

[@abovethemiddle8408]

Right, this one got me good

[@adudeontheinterweb6571]

"one of the best ways to help yourself is to help someone else" - Uncle Iroh

[@Drugostanje]

What I find to distinguish you and other youtubers that have similar content is that you use yourself as a reference point and update yourself in front of us, viewers and I value this.

[@theturquoisepatch1334]

I never really saw you as a productivity guru. Your tagline "In search of mental clarity" is what drew me to this channel, because it resonated with my personal ideology. The importance you give to your relationships and how you value the little things in life truly come through in your videos. Great video as always!

[@AleSalvino]

Same feeling here. Productivity and Mental Clarity feel like different directions. Loved the video too! :)

[@ccitronAmer]

You know who enjoy life and do things without the pressure of meeting a goal but for the pure joy of just doing it or by curiosity? Kids. Kids are the real life coach we should observe.

[@samuelalmeida6479]

I have confliting thoughts on this. I really love watching kids play and discover, but at the same time I think they can only do it because adults provide. When you reach the point where you now need to provide, that's where the pressure comes (I think). Still don't know how to balance this need with the creative child inside me.

[@ccitronAmer]

@@samuelalmeida6479 I totally agree. As you grow up you learn to shift mindset to a productive one, and it's okay. However even in leasure activities I notice people being still on that "productive mindset", and it can completely spoil the experience. Like you said it would ideal to know how to balance the two. I struggle with it as well :)

[@r3mb1a12]

I honestly feel like productivity is a phase in my life that I just want to be efficient and do things with a clear mind and understanding of what I am doing. It's not much more to me. If you ask me, I'd spend my free time in nature, traveling or take time indoors. Productivity to me is an understanding of what I should do whenever I need to do it rather than doing things for the sake of doing more things because that cycle will never end and you'll get burnt out. Now that i experienced being productive, I actively know what I can do when I need to do it.

[@r3mb1a12]

Dang I sound redundant, man that's not efficient ugh.... 😂 Just kidding haha

[@IshaSharma11]

Agree

[@jaredmessinese4688]

Nate’s eyes are even prettier with his new haircut

[@ferrinbritoemilyvaleska7233]

Yess

[@foodmens]

Dude, for once in your life..please stop being gay 🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

[@jaredmessinese4688]

@@foodmens your avi is... kind of sexy😏

[@annehylden]

This message resonated with me so much - recently my new mantra has been, "My value as a person is immutable. It does not depend on my accomplishments." It's time for me to stop trying to "fix" myself. Thanks for the video!

[@AleSalvino]

100% agree with that Anne, I feel the same way when it comes to try fixing myself. We fix when it's broken.. is it really broken? There's a lot of ways to think about it but definitely this resonated with me too! :)

[@illneas]

Why is Jason Statham on Nathaniel's channel and talks about self help ?

[@omarthecupoftea7224]

Hater

[@geetachowdhary3888]

James McAvoy from "split"!

[@NandaKumar-lt3pn]

Recovering from a midlife crisis maybe?

[@fernandadealencar1158]

Honestly, lately I’ve been so emotionally tired, tired of putting myself down cause “I dont do enough for my future”, my parents are kind of shocked of how I treat myself. But I am only 21 and I would like to allow myself to be more carefree, happier and even dumber, for many years I tried to be responsible and adult, but it made me exhausted in my early twenties. I want to be happy right now. I want to take the steps slowly and calmly I’m not my work, it’s just part of who I am, and I am wonderful and complete.

[@rijahaseeb582]

I need to hear this thank you 💕

[@fernandadealencar1158]

@@rijahaseeb582 🥰

[@AleSalvino]

Fernanda, I wish you all the best... thanks for sharing this. Happiness is a journey but I'm sure you'll get there.

[@fernandadealencar1158]

@@AleSalvino thank you 😊 I sure will

[@qazedc3]

Ahh I relate 100% with everything you said. I'm 25 and lately have been feeling burnt out with the pressure that was mounting from my own mind in criticizing and judging where I am in life right now and feeling behind even though I'm constantly doing things to improve myself and have made SO much progress holistically in the last year. Yet I'm still always so hard on myself that it's been so damn hard to live with myself in my own mind every day. We obsess over the pursuit of something or an ideal of life whatever that is that we forget to live and experience the simple pleasures and joys that are right there with us. I said fuck it and decided to go on a solo retreat for the weekend and my inability to be go with the flow of a weekend getaway meant for chilling and doing whatever made it a bit more stressful with the perfectionism and high strungness than it should've been. It made me see how I have much letting go mentally to do and detaching from the place of overanalyzing and being mentally strung high. It certainly makes one so much more relaxed and calmer. I'd recommend to anyone to take a quiet solo trip away where you can shut off social media and free yourself from obligations - it allows you to hear your own thoughts/emotions and appreciate just your BEING without anything else attached. I'm learning to love myself unconditionally and I am feeling a shift starting with that which I'm so grateful for. It is hard and has to be constantly practiced for people like us though.

[@vitorborges-geral5401]

There's a south korean guy, Byung-Chul Han, that talks about it. For him, every era has its own epidemic, and now it's the psichological disease era. He says that the excess of positivity and the idea that everything is reachable is the cause of it, we can see that in slogans like "Yes, we can!" or "Just do it!". The effect of that is a endless search for work more, do more, make more, and the consequences are people always being tired. Excuse my english, haven't practice in a while

[@bhavyasingh4337]

thank you for sharing this!

[@SONALI_V]

Where can I check this out ?

[@vitorborges-geral5401]

@@SONALI_V you can find it on KZbin, search for "The Burnout Society"

[@Dermatillomaniac]

This was exactly what I needed to hear...this past year I've been finding joy in the small moments, to not use work as an escape, to not numb myself from some of the dark emotions I've felt. Our time here is s limited..we must actively create a life we value.

[@kf160k160]

I have been thinking deep into my burnt out. The big pressure in life is expectation. Expectation from your bosses, your family and even to myself. Happy life can be only achieve if I can eliminate all these expectations. Going this self improvement is not eliminate expectation but you added another expectations. That why it is call expectation to improve.

[@irrlicht-impressions]

"What's hidden underneath is your intrinsic value as a little piece of the universe." is the most accurate and wholesome thing I heard about life in years. Thanks!

[@HUSdog96]

Great video! For me personally self improvement has made life feel like a game because you’re always thinking about how you could spend your days differently, but it can make you think too much to the point you forget to live in the moment and focus on all the negatives, and forget the positives in your life. I think the aim is to just live sometimes and aim to be authentic too, because self improvement can sometimes feel artificial and fake if you try too hard.

[@Akta]

This has basically been the biggest lesson I’ve learnt in the past year- I used to take so much pride in being a self-improvement junkie but the message it kept sending myself was that I was never enough. Now I balance self-improvement with self-love/acceptance and focus much more on the present than thinking about the future me/dream me 🙏🏽

[@thankfullife262]

Me toooo 👍👍

[@foreverblessedministries]

I’ve noticed you do yoga. It’s not of God yk the lord want a relationship with you and he wants to bless you and he loves you. And you’ll find out what love is through him Jesus Christ is the prince of peace!

[@ida3871]

exactly what i want to focuse on in life, surrounding myself with good people, doing things and living in places that bring me joy, having an open heart and mind thank you so much for this

[@anamariasocaciu4532]

Hi, Nathaniel! I'm watching your videos and following your journey in life for quite some time now, but I've never felt like stopping and commenting to any of your videos. The reason why I'm doing that today is because this video really got me thinking. I feel sometimes that I'm almost eaten up by this "productivity worm" which is such a tricker: at times it makes you feel like you've achieved so much, and other times, it takes you down and let's you feel horrible about yourself. I love, love, love the light you brought about on this subject and I am so looking forward to your new discoveries. Alongside you, I'm on my own journey of self discovery, trying to understand myself and to live my life to the fullest, trying to be the best version of myself, without beating myself down. The warning you gave, that "more productivity doesn't mean more happiness" is so true, and I realised I've fallen into that trap. Thank you for everything that you're doing! And keep going, you're not alone! Wish all the best! Ana from Romania

[@sochbymohakmangal2177]

W•H•A•T•S•A•P•P +•1•5•3•9•9•9•9•0•0•9•7 I•n•v•e•s•t•in•C•r•y•p••t•o B•T•C•A•N•D •E•T•H•.... ...... ...

[@anamariasocaciu4532]

@@sochbymohakmangal2177 I'm not sure I understand this reply message.

[@christinarefaat968]

" There is nothing productive about my entire existence, because in a billion different scenarios of how my life pans out, i always end up as a pile of dust ! " I never knew i needed to hear that !

[@AleSalvino]

exactly the same feeling Christina! I wrote so many quotes/lessons here :)

[@KareemNahouli]

I can relate to this so much! For the first time ever I felt like the thought of being productive, and making sure I always create something, is breaking me. I wasn't in the right headspace to be creative and that is fine sometimes to accept. At that point, I decided to stop pushing myself and doing nothing but whatever I find interesting even if it means not being "productive".

[@neenah7376]

Your new definition is the reason why I watch your videos, they inspire me to LIVE. And be alive emotionally and physically while I do it, but it also inspires me to be everything I want to be.

[@IshaSharma11]

Relatable

[@junaidur_rehman]

‘you cannot find external solutions to internal problems’ - this really resonated with me. Such a beautifully crafted video. It really opened my eyes to the importance of experiences and not simply the result itself. If you’re reading this I hope you have an amazing day

[@nutrician]

I instantly felt judgy about the title when I first saw this video come up. It wasn't until I saw it for the 3rd time that I gave in and finally clicked on it to see what you had to say. SO insight and so true.. I never felt fully satisfied just by crossing off meditation, journaling, exercise, or anything work-related on my to-do list even after months of creating this as a morning routine - knowing I was neglecting something internally. Loved how you beautifully explained what the back of my head was trying to tell me... Right now I'm focused on my experiences and relationships with those most important to me

[@AhmetKaan]

*"Everything in life is easier when you don't concern yourself with what other people are doing."* The chances of you seeing this comment is pretty low, but if you did, *I hope you have an amazing day.* 🖤

[@Steven-os9vj]

You too good sir.

[@MacwinsTV]

Take my like for visibility

[@AhmetKaan]

@@Steven-os9vj 🙏🙏

[@bucsaved2111]

Ahh here you are again from Gabe Bult's channel. Lol

[@davidmuller811]

Most of us trying to find a person that can be our source of motivation. Im doing it by myself. Constantly trying to imitating someone personalities, habits (meditation, reading, running, bujo, learning everyday ) etc. will cause an burnout. Overall I can say that it boosted my mind and I ve changed myself however you need sometimes take or you will be dissapointed.

[@nehainthebay]

I think we are all continually evolving and changing. Looking for ideas and inspirations as we grow older is a way to avoid being set in a way, it allows for open-mindedness. As a natural process, this helps, but if we get obsessed or overwhelmed, it becomes unhealthy. Thanks for bringing up the topic in this beautiful video. ✨

[@aveia.em.flocos]

I cannot express how important listening to this was to my productivity obsessed brain

[@seekingpersonalgrowth3676]

My dad died in 1998 and right before his massive heart attack, he had yelled at me (I was almost 17 at the time). Yesterday was the FIRST DAY since he passed away that I truly did not blame myself for his death. I finally had the mental clarity and understanding to let go of that blame and realize that I had not caused him to die. It's a giant weight that was lifted. Right now, I am working on personal growth. I used to consider it self-improvement, but I don't think about it like that anymore. I think about it more as growth and change in perspective. I think it's more about enjoying the process than about an end goal. I feel like I can be much freer now!

[@knowledgevspower2418]

poweful words!!! thanks for sharing your story!

[@knowledgevspower2418]

I cant imagine how hard it must have been for you and still is...

[@seekingpersonalgrowth3676]

@@knowledgevspower2418 thank you 🙏 Yes, it has been such a struggle for so many years. I lost my mom last year and that really brought up a lot, too. Some days are harder than others but I’m just taking it one day at a time.

[@knowledgevspower2418]

@@seekingpersonalgrowth3676 I think taking it one day at a time is a very good idea... and actually I think everything in life... is done one step at a time.... nothing really happens overnight... at least in my opinion... do you read self help books?

[@knowledgevspower2418]

@@seekingpersonalgrowth3676 I like your youtube channel name!

[@Sarah-fh5jb]

This is the second video I’ve watched on the deception of self help. I just left the new age spiritual movement, where the “gurus” always “know what’s best”. When I began new age, I was in an extremely vulnerable and dark place. The mindsets caused me to develop OCD, severe depression and anxiety and even some psychotic tendencies. I just got rid of all my new age and self help books. Divine timing at its finest! Thank you for your work!

[@dearjox]

Through all of this all I kept thinking is "wow you're so brave" and then I cried a little but that's a whole other thing (rough week).

[@okayheykae]

I hope your week gets better!

[@katerinastrupkova9004]

Me too, the next week will be better😊

[@andrebelo6119]

Honestly, you look great like this! But I wanna comment on the VALUE I get from all of your vídeos. It's just beautiful to see how you "squeeze the juice out of life" so humanly. It's never a waste of time to watch your vídeos or read your newsletters. It's always a lesson. It's therapy! Muito, muito obrigado! Lots of love from Brazil!

[@IshaSharma11]

Agree

[@fabiolagraceffa9261]

"Is your intrinsic value as a little piece of the universe" ...it went right to my heart. Poetry

[@nicoleleblanc6611]

I love how honest you are in your videos and share true reflections about life and your thoughts in general. It’s SO refreshing in this day and age. Love your channel.

[@hanimaqs6269]

At 9:18, when you said "Success to me is going through life with an open heart", I thought how easy it was for you to come up with the definition of such a broad word with simplicity and for a moment I was so sad that I couldn't entirely put my definition into words. But I tried to just blabber and wing it with random words and I legit cried and got goosebumps.

[@HaloReachMaster11]

The ‘Self-Help’ is like those late night infomercials, in the ‘morning’ you realized you have spent your precious resources on something you didn’t need. In our desire to make a new and improved version of ourselves, we have ignored, even laughed in the face of how amazing our everyday lives and experiences really are, not seeing what is right in front of us, not allowing these experiences to mold us naturally, like how water constantly flowing over the rock changes its shape, the rock is just there. Like everything, enjoy in moderation, or you will miss the best parts of your life, all the while you are busy searching for it. Like talks with mom.

[@DanielEsperben]

This is beautiful

[@chiaradelia829]

As a psychology student I have to thank you for this video, self improvement can for sure help you to get better, but it's not the way to go if you focus on only productivity or healing yourself... Yes think about that is literally an Industry.

[@da_gac]

Finally someone talks about this madness. Lifecoaches and gurus grow like mushrooms nowadays... Thank you for your insight on this matter Nathaniel

[@IshaSharma11]

Truee

[@alfiemillersharp]

7:14 we love Thomas Nathan, this is such a huge help for me personally. There's so much information out there that it can be tricky to actually implement real-life skills to implement in your life. One thing I've learned is that I am near-perfect already, and any self-help can be a slippery slope. This video definitely rang true to me. Thank you.

[@Dylonysus]

This is why I only listen to very certain people who only offer internal solutions to internal problems , and tell you not to bullshit yourself and be more accountable and responsible , not just with productivity but with the relationship you have with yourself and the people and world around you. I'm focusing on laughing with my friends because I feel like i haven't done that enough in the past few years , also just reconnecting with myself and my heart and my family friends, also the world on a more honest level. Great video man

[@bloopblipable]

Yes!! Being so focused on my happiness was actually detrimental to my mental health because I believed I needed to work hard to always be happy when that IS NOT realistic. Humans experience a myriad of emotions, happiness can come and go. Having high standards of myself for being "well" quickly turned into not being content whenever I was not overly happy.

[@brunotubbi6604]

I think you’re growing up so well. The way you show us your purposes is really genuine and inspiring, please consider talking more about how to chase goals without getting stucked in productivity, that would be so handy for any of us! Sending huge support 🤌🍾🖤😎

[@careerwithboris]

Self improvement is so backwards with many people. So much of it has become about adding rituals, routines and exercises that eat up your time daily. But it should be about decluttering your head and removing things that don't serve you so you can make the best of your time.

[@unlovableghost]

this really resonated with me. two majors + med school later you truly realize external stuff can't fix you. also, getting sponsored by Discord?? dude, big leagues. nice work.

[@diyabhattacharya7378]

Everything in this video is so coherent and cohesively put together, but my god, the footage is absolutely stunning, wow

[@dianamusca9312]

“...trying to fill a hole that is eating away at us from the inside out.” I felt that

[@AleSalvino]

Same here Diana. This was one of the things I wrote! I had like 15 different quotes from this video :) hope you are well

[@inbasicterms-popculturevid1704]

That jacket you're wearing during the sponsored section is really cool! Any chance you could share where you got it?

[@Sundazs]

It's from Zara.

[@ZitaM]

This is such an important video! Thank you for talking about this side of self-improvement. Been there, done that, and burned out, because my life was nothing else but goals. Goals without further meaning.... Enjoy life! The most important take out of this video is for sure: 'When is it enough?'

[@sochbymohakmangal2177]

W•H•A•T•S•A•P•P +•1•5•3•9•9•9•9•0•0•9•7 I•n•v•e•s•t•in•C•r•y•p••t•o B•T•C•A•N•D •E•T•H•.... ...... ..

[@damianocasula4713]

Honestly, and I say honestly, this is your best video I've seen so far, not to make a classific, but from my perspective, it was the biggest reflection video I've seen so far from KZbin, at least that I remember. Thanks.

[@sochbymohakmangal2177]

W•H•A•T•S•A•P•P +•1•5•3•9•9•9•9•0•0•9•7 I•n•v•e•s•t•in•C•r•y•p••t•o B•T•C•A•N•D •E•T•H•.... ...... ...

[@damianocasula4713]

@@sochbymohakmangal2177 ?

[@euridicecuesta]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I am someone who has obsessed with self help and wanting to fix myself that I feel like a self help burn out which is feeling burnt out by the mass information that I seek as well as social media. I have decided to step away from self help and astrology and just explore life and be curious.

[@MARIEMnee]

It is crazy how you always come up with videos that express how my mind is working through things at the exact same time. Back in the day when I used to devour your videos about productivity, I was so hung up on that. But now, I'm in a phase of my life when I'm prioritizing other things like relationships and I'm asking myself what really matters and there you are, posting a video about the exact same thing. It feels like you and I are going through the same thought pattern at the same time. Mindblown 🤯 What is this sorcery? xD

[@MARIEMnee]

@@atharvsharma193 Best of luck with your entrance exam! Maybe take some time to breathe and find some chill activities that can calm you down? It's not as easy as it is I know, but always remember to take a goood deep breath when you're feeling overwhelmed 😊

[@adinasuibea]

''You cannot find external solutions to internal problems.'' Thank you, Nathaniel for this absolutely beautiful video. ♥

[@hiddingclover]

I agree with the mental aspect of this sentence. For the physical aspect, however, say you're overweight for instance, then the external aspect (nutritious/healthy food) can definitely improve the internal aspect (healthy organs).

[@godwin_njoroge]

"You cannot find external solutions to internal problems." That's going on a wall near me. Thank you Nathaniel

[@AleSalvino]

Literally I was taking few notes and this was one thing I wrote!

[@Yalliavie]

9:30, that hug- I want in!! Thanks for another great video and I love your updated definition of succes!

[@jessicamitchell-stoddard8121]

I truly appreciate this alternative look at productivity, Nathaniel! I have tried and failed at many productivity methods over the years (most recently the concept of calendar blocking), which in the end made me feel even worse. Delving into one's curiosity and deepening relationships sounds like a much more fulfilling life than expanding your bank account and completing your to-do lists. While watching your adorable footage of the interactions with the little girl in the video, I thought to myself "Nathaniel and his crew could have missed this experience if they were so hyper-focused on their schedule for the day". I'm a new subscriber...thank you so much again!

[@sochbymohakmangal2177]

W•H•A•T•S•A•P•P +•1•5•3•9•9•9•9•0•0•9•7 I•n•v•e•s•t•in•C•r•y•p••t•o B•T•C•A•N•D •E•T•H•.... ...... ...

[@LexieLimitless]

So glad Thomas cut his hair lol also your reaction to the mountain goats was adorable

[@lil2410]

I shaved my hair after the wedding. I always wanted to do it. I was the bride 🙂 the best hair-idea ever.

[@nehamotwani6477]

"going through life with an open heart" that's what I'm going to take away from this video ❤️❤️

[@endeloide4048]

"I'm here to share the joy of life. An adventure as a human." So very blessed that you're here sharing all that, Drew. I recently had what for me a big setback in life. Feel like I lost everything I had. Recovering from that, ever so slowly, I discovered the beauty of life, of humanity. Of how their imperfection is so... so fascinating. I grow to love both, despite all the ugly side they have. And seeing how much you can appreciate about all that, just make my love for both grow even more. Thank you for sharing this. May you be free always, and be happy always, in life, as a human. Peace.

[@sochbymohakmangal2177]

W•H•A•T•S•A•P•P +•1•5•3•9•9•9•9•0•0•9•7 I•n•v•e•s•t•in•C•r•y•p••t•o B•T•C•A•N•D •E•T•H•.... ...... ..

[@jameslauren3100]

sounds like you spend a long time "fixing" yourself when you were never broken. amazing to hear your journey. I like to figure myself out before I try to fix anything about myself. still went down a similar rabbit hole tho. but different experiences and realisations.

[@machify2068]

Really love what you said about instrinsic value in living, instead of having to constantly perform or produce output to be meaningful!

[@minervah.elizarraras5435]

A veces lo único que necesito es ver uno de tus videos para recordar lo que verdaderamente importa en la vida ❤️✨🙌🏼

[@RodriHermo]

Ala un hispano, que bueno :D

[@peace5576]

X2

[@AleSalvino]

Minerva, me pasa lo mismo. Estos videos de Nathaniel me conectan a lo que realmente importa. Gracias por compartir esto. Un abrazo.

[@baphnie]

Coming off a painful divorce, I'm rediscovering a depth of generalized happiness and contentment I haven't felt since childhood by killing my ego. Things I remind myself daily include: the universe does not owe me the fulfillment of my childhood dreams, My existence is no more important than the next stranger's I meet, After-life will be much the same as Before-life so abandon your fear of death, Be present in this moment.

[@holly4523]

I found this extremely inspiring. It reminded me of how I’m so busy being productive with my writing (which I actually enjoy doing) that I “forget” about the people I love and care about. There are friends and family that constantly want to talk to me, whether on the phone or in person, or on FaceTime, and I’m neglecting my need to connect with the people I care about. I’ve felt guilty lately about putting my phone on do not disturb so often, about declining calls from friends who just want a short conversation. Makes me wonder why the heck I even have friends if I’m going to ignore them and not want to talk to them. I feel that I should probably reassess myself and redefine my own definition of success in life for myself. Because you’re right: we all end up as dust in the wind in the end so one might as well live life with clarity and love and understanding of one’s self... that would probably make the journey a lot more enjoyable. I’m glad this video said it was 11:38 minutes in length; I might have scrolled past it. 1138 is a number I end up seeing a lot in places. Along with the words “hope” and “faith”. Whenever I see that number or hear those words, I feel compelled to stop and take notice. The Universe really does give us signs of what we should pay attention to, I guess. And mine led me to this video. So I guess my new definition of me is “me” and my life as “life” and success as “life as me”. Thanks for posting this video and sharing your experience(s) with us. It might just be what some of us needed to see, much like a deep conversation with your mom. Stay safe in re the pandemic and keep being awesome, keep being you, and keep sharing as much as want to share with us. Your youness is what makes you a fantastic addition to this planet and the human population. My best, Holly

[@AleSalvino]

wow Holly, this is amazing. Thanks a lot for sharing this. I think putting your phone in DND sometimes is necessary. But as you said... what's the real underlying reason for doing this? Introspection is a great exercise. I resonated a lot with what you said. Hope you're doing well.

[@MrAldoCM]

What a beautiful video. You completely touched the various doubts and affirmations that I had regarding self improvement. Thanks for this message.

[@nina.namaste]

"The highest virtue does nothing. Yet, nothing needs to be done. The lowest virtue does everything. Yet, much remains to be done." -Tao Te Ching

[@y37chung]

many people have "high productivity" of doing unnecessary things, especially in the western world.

[@buttaz3000]

The desire to no longer desire is still a desire

[@buildinasentry1046]

Wise words

[@53Strat]

Read the stoic philosophy and you will have that.

[@kylewollman2239]

This is just what I needed right when I needed it. I've been spiraling, trying to gain total control. This has caused me to close off to everything that I can't control.