Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography | BEHIND THE BASTARDS

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Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
This week, Robert is joined by Cody Johnston and Katy Stoll to discuss the Bastards of the 2018 Mid-Term Elections. And to start, let’s talk about a man that people of all backgrounds and beliefs can despise: Ted Cruz.
Original Air Date: October 30, 2018
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There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.
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[@mikehjt]

Al Franken: 'I like Ted Cruz more than anyone else in Congress does and I _hate_ Ted Cruz.'

[@fofalooza]

Ted Cruz calling condoms "rubbers" has precisely the same energy as my uncle using the phrase "great gazongas" as a reason why my brother should let our Uncle set him up with a recently divorced woman at his church.

[@23joanlee]

great gazongas! that's hilarious!

[@BenjaminGlatt]

Okay, but Fred Rogers was the best person ever, so.

[@FakeSchrodingersCat]

"The only way to stop a Fred with a dangerous far right ideology is a Fred with a dangerous far left ideology." --Fredrick Engels (probably)

[@justinwatson1510]

@FakeSchrodingersCat, I'm glad to see someone finally mentioned Engels. Thank you.

[@kevinkorenke3569]

47:02 I love that he read a Dr. Seuss book about being willing to try new things in opposition to us trying a new idea to provide better health care for people.

[@mr.pavone9719]

Ted is so blissfully unaware of himself. It makes me want to pump LSD into his water supply just to see him change into a person.

[@leopoldmolitch4040]

I'm halfway through this and just realized they're were talking about Ted Crux, not Tucker Carlson. Seems all these folk are completely interchangeable

[@jfrsnjhnsn]

Pretty much.

[@goodun2974]

​@@jfrsnjhnsn, not to mention that they are equally detestable.

[@brendancostello944]

Cody's comment about the "Ted Pod" when talking about the Tide Pod(R) is criminally unacknowledged....

[@patrickmitchell9068]

Ted cruz is the kid who get bullied by comic book and D&D nerds

[@SgtKaneGunlock]

i hated Bullies and I would Bully this kid

[@RvEijndhoven]

He _was_ the kid who got bullied by comic book and D&D nerds... Now he is the adult who gets bullied by comic book and D&D nerds.

[@FakeSchrodingersCat]

Be realistic, he is the kid who was bullied by the kids the comic book and D&D nerds bullied. The Mathletes had more high school social standing then he did.

[@cybercop0083]

Back in the 90‘s, to boot!

[@arcarchivist2638]

Frederick Douglass, Fred Rogers, Freddie Mercury.

[@matthewnuckles5937]

so painful to hear this knowing that he is STILL in office

[@TheDarthbinky]

He's from Texas and has a little "R" by his name. He'll be in office until he dies or gets bored and moves on to another horrible venture. Yay two party system!

[@mr.pavone9719]

From what I've heard his senatorial district is almost entirely made up of wealthy, white conservatives. It's nigh-impossible for him to lose his seat unless he really fucks something up.

[@richardarriaga6271]

​@@TheDarthbinkyTexas is a one party state. That crook Dan Patrick beat the corruption charges for impeachment. He won't go away until God or Satan call him home.

[@Zmanwarrior]

The only thing offensive about those Cleveland insults is that they're nowhere near as entertaining as the insults that native Clevelanders can come up with for Cleveland.

[@mr.pavone9719]

Did anybody else's irony meter ping when they heard the part about the young conservatives, who think education is a privilege for the weathy, competing for handouts (scholarships) to further their education?

[@pssurvivor]

yep my ears perked up when i heard that. these conservatives are always like this

[@justinwatson1510]

Hypocrisy is one of the cornerstones of liberalism and the ideologies that descended from it.

[@FTZPLTC]

Oh, but don't you see: just as nothing that is not profitable is worthwhile, ANYTHING you do that someone is willing to pay you for is worthwhile. That's what being trained from birth to be a constitution-reciting mandroid teaches you.

[@wwcyfd22]

The fourth episode of Star Trek TNG is actually "Code of Honor" a now infamous episode filled with dated, tone deaf african stereotype characters. Episode 5 is the one hes thinking about with the ancient defense system. Its like Ted Cruz is so evil his episode even ruins Star Trek references...

[@FakeSchrodingersCat]

Wait, just hold on a moment you are saying that Ted Cruz as a teenager memorized the constitution and could write it out? Why then does he act like he has never even skimmed it?

[@origami_dream]

He memorized it by mnemonic device and that took up all his time and brain power, so he never had the time or brainspace to actually *consider* or understand it.

[@cybercop0083]

He memorized it, look for minute chinks in the armour.

[@joshuareynolds6970]

In the words of John Oliver ... "I do not like that man Ted Cruz."

[@mrfreddorenton]

"I do not like his stupid shoes"

[@kevinhengehold4387]

So - the "amnesty" radio ad... do you remember the It's Always Sunny episode where an Israeli dude annexes the bar and the gang shouts Arabic-sounding jibberish with english words included? ... Did ted cruz really rip off an Always Sunny bit, but for serious? I really expected more from the zodiac killer.

[@seantracey9935]

When Cody said "Here comes the sex" Best cruz impression of all time.

[@Zomonitan]

Fred Rogers was the only good Fred in all history

[@richardarriaga6271]

What about Fred Savage?

[@justinwatson1510]

The ghost of Engels would like to have a word with you.

[@cybercop0083]

What about Fred Douglass?

[@fahbs]

My cat has had fleas with more of a spine than Ted Cruz.

[@Stephanie-we5ep]

Certainly the fleas are more wanted/welcome!

[@AshesAshes44]

Ted Cruz is younger than Gwen Stefani. No idea what to do with this info, but some people are using it against him. 😕

[@BenjaminGlatt]

I hate this.

[@heyidaroo]

If I were a betting woman, I believe that Gwen will outlive Cruz

[@origami_dream]

13:00 Wellp, i guess Fredrick Brennan, founder of 8chan, heard this episode and decided, "Well, i can't argue with that, i'm on it."

[@bradvine4564]

Cruz is awful but I just finished the desantis episode and I have to say desantis is *so much worse* it blows me away.

[@danarchist74]

Robert have you done an episode or episodes on Milton Friedman yet? If you haven't, you probably should.

[@greghmn]

48:45 this is even funnier when you consider that McCain was born in Panama.

[@Alex-od7nl]

katy stoll is hilarious

[@TimdeVisser86]

Fred Hampton, c'mon man.

[@Aogami20]

Every time I listen to one of these I keep hoping things are gonna work out somehow in the end

[@noxthemc7717]

The Frederalist Society

[@kevinkorenke3569]

The more i learned in college and had reinforced at placed like this the more convinced is that America as an ideal and an idea failed during Reconstruction and it has been an oligarch leaning downward spiral ever since.

[@defies4626]

It failed from the moment they decided to allow slavery from the beginning, and honestly was probably started to further oligarchic ideals given the actual backers and architects of the country at the beginning, no matter how high minded they claimed their ideals to be

[@ericwiddison7523]

When he endorsed Ted Cruz, Mike Lee was still a never Trumper. Both men have since abandoned any semblance of values they once had.

[@done.6191]

Damn, that self-reporting at 29:35 is soooooo sad. "Let me supress the things that make me, ME, so that people will think I'm popular."

[@done.6191]

Whataburgers are actually really good :). Ted Cruz is actually really bad. These are things on which we readily agree.

[@Taurox220]

Reminder that Nixon was actually super popular before watergate and was able to win the popular vote

[@FakeSchrodingersCat]

Sure but he managed that mainly through dirty tricks and manipulation, he was nicknamed Tricky Dick for a reason. The specific incident they are referring to when they told Cruz to get a dog is when Nixon was being investigated for using campaign contributions for personal purposes he went on TV and claimed the only thing that might be irregular was that he was given and kept for himself was a puppy named Checkers. It came out after he left office he had diverted over $10,000 to a slush fund and had bought the puppy specifically for the bit.

[@brendancostello944]

With the help of some plumbers...

[@grahamcarpenter691]

Katy Stoll’s voice sounds nearly identical to Amber Frost from Chapo Trap House

[@TheMeritCoba]

Quote of the year: "women can't be trusted with tampons?!" (not with a political rally involving Ted Cruz)

[@johnr7279]

Wow, and he's an even bigger egotist than I picked up on just living my daily life and seeing him in the news here and there. I was always amazed at how flexible his spine seemed to be and his ability to flip-flop on issues. In this way, he seems like a politician's politician. And not just him of course. These folks exist on both sides of the "aisle." It's one thing to cooperate for the greater good (aka crossing the aisle); it's another thing altogether to just flip around completely.

[@justinwatson1510]

When Democrats or Republicans reach across the aisle, you can bet that average people are getting fucked over in the worst way.

[@FoxMacLeod2501]

LMAO Katy, @ 51:37 - also: "(CO)RROBORATUUHHS: moun' up!"

[@BenHyle]

Fred Rogers did all the reparations ever for the shitty freds. Also, Fred Penner is real as well.

[@dunkfungus]

speaking of cleveland, fun fact, theres a suburb in south africa named after cleveland, and cleveland ohio specifically

[@mxpants4884]

Were they celebrating our excellence in racial segregation?

[@cybercop0083]

13:44 There happened a monumental split of the human race in the stone race. A split between the ghastly Freds and the jolly Barneys. We are all descendants of one of those two prongs of the human race. Every once in a while, the Fred-ness is exhuberant to the point that an abomination is named ‚Fred‘ in devilish tribute. As it is written in the protocols of the water buffalo lodge.

[@done.6191]

I love how even handed you try to be with the Wagner driving. Even as charitable as one can be, he's still firmly unlikable.

[@Tenems941]

36:18 about the only proper reaction to that statement

[@donkeyfly43]

Fred Rogers

[@hughquigley5337]

One of my favorite fun facts about Ted Cruz is that he is a whale for various mobile games. So yes Ted Cruz is a gamer.

[@daniellundberg2875]

Well, Cleveland has been called the city equivalent of a slap in the face.

[@kevinkorenke3569]

HEY! I LIVE IN CLEVELAND! Um, you are kind of right. It gets better as you drive away and enjoy the metroparks...

[@michael_mcgowan]

That bit about peaceful transfer of the presidency really hits different now. Oh the irony

[@hammerheadshark45]

ive heard cuyahoga get mispronounced so many times im shocked robert got it right

[@_NewtonMeter]

Ted Cruz really giving that autism vibe (I'm autistic)

[@origami_dream]

No thank you i reject this association he's just a psychopath (i'm autistic)

[@azoic6]

1:01:00 I LOVE Whataburger, but only when I'm drunk

[@meep_cubed170]

Also at 52:10 the Spanish Inquisition needed in 1838, we had seven different United States President before that ended, so no, it didn’t end 900 years ago. Not the biggest problematic thing Ted said, but come on

[@kelseyrusch9279]

Ugghhh all I can think about is his tonsil stone incident

[@misterno-ice-guy8082]

That "4th branch" of the system of checks and balances y'all alluded to already IS the public. Organizing it was (kind of, or: in more complicated terms) part of Ralph Nader's platform

[@FakeSchrodingersCat]

What they are alluding to is the Estates of Power. It is much, much older then Ralph Nader with the basic concept of the Estates going back to medieval Europe the first three is the Government, the Church and the Public. The 4th estate specifically only goes back to the late 1700 and was coined by Burke. The 4th Estate is the Press.

[@misterno-ice-guy8082]

Oh. Ty Never heard of it. I guess I never explained Ralph Nader's proposition, But I should in case someone isn't privy. He wanted a cadre of citizens watching government agents (on tv, and via other press) to ensure they do their jobs correctly; if they promised to vote a certain way, make sure they do it, etc. This agency would consist of a small building with multiple televisions, banks of phones, newspaper subscriptions, and other applicable resources. It would be paid for with taxes and manned 24-7 by a rotating staff of vigilant locals. They would obviously report directly to their friends, families, and respective neighborhoods. A very, VERY simple concept, yet genius imho

[@pssurvivor]

LYING TED. one of the best monikers trump has come up with

[@Judgewrath1]

Narrator: "They had to talk about Ted Cruz again."

[@damejanea.macdonald2371]

16:35 I wish this joking invocation of my body my choice didn't eventually turn into something right wingers will attempt to invoke in all seriousness.

[@NoActuallyGo-KCUF-Yourself]

A comprehensive biography in under an hour - not a very interesting life this fellow, this Ted .. Cooz?