WHY They Abuse| Understanding Covert Malignant Narcissists

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@FromSurvivingToThriving 6 ай бұрын

As a reminder - if my videos resonate with you and you are tired of learning about the narcissist and yet still feeling stuck - if you're ready to now turn your focus on you and how you can HEAL from this horrific abuse, come join me live on zoom in the School of Transformation. I meet live weekly with survivors from all over the world that are doing the inner work to overcome the cptsd that narcissistic abuse creates! There are 9-12 live zoom mtgs each month - most are recorded in case you are unable to attend live! I'll leave the link here for you to see if it's a good fit for you: www.micheleleenieves.com/school-of-transformation

@rahrahrobbbieee 9 ай бұрын

They hope for your failure just to feel better through your pain. My Mom's projection destroyed me. 60 years of depression and I just can't escape. Well done Michele.

@Daysleeper1000 9 ай бұрын

Sad, how horrible these monster "mothers" can be. I'm 59, and life as family scapegoat absolutely sabotaged my potential. It's appalling how people cannot understand these evil POS people.

@jennashen9 9 ай бұрын

I'm 54 and now I live with my covert narcissistic mother with dementia. I pray for death everyday. I'm a mess everyday.

@Daysleeper1000 9 ай бұрын

@@jennashen9 omg I'm so sorry. I Truly UNDERSTAND. You have every right to feel your feelings. Caring for a$$holes who never had an inkling of empathy for their own children is tortuous. It's bizarre, and outsiders unfamiliar with trauma bonding won't ever understand how you ended up caring for an elderly parent. I hope your torment is over soon. You deserve happiness, and can move forward with no regrets and no guilt.

@sagesnakechalmer2294 8 ай бұрын

@@jennashen9god bless you you will get through this

@Shadowman... 9 ай бұрын

The analogy Michele makes about them not having any mirror neurons and lack of empathy is amazing~ That's why this channel is THE BEST on narcissist abuse. Love the part where she says they could hop over you while your on the floor, but if your happy ~watch out. So true. I always say, look for what makes people react and light up, it will tell you about there character and true nature.

@TejubescDM 9 ай бұрын

Yes!!! I always say pay attention what people get excited and upset about.

@kmatviw 8 ай бұрын

My exes eyes used to light up when I was crying

@Shadowman... 8 ай бұрын

@@kmatviwStay strong my friend. Time to lift and get built and drink your slamfist ha ha

@kmatviw 8 ай бұрын

@@Shadowman... haha finally somebody watched that video! Thanks!

@cindy7733 9 ай бұрын

OMG! This is so true and heartbreaking. My mother has zero empathy for my struggles and feelings but she has empathy for people outside the family...strangers and distant relatives. It's so weird and so very painful. I have no self-esteem anymore. None. I've been praying because I need a miracle to get out of this confusing and twisted and toxic family system.

@kimberlychristine9284 9 ай бұрын

So sorry to hear you're going through that. I'm in the same boat with my covert narc mom. She's just like how you described your mom. She lacks empathy for me and has never hugged me or offered me comfort when I was sad or crying and instead acted annoyed with me. Yet like you said, she cries and feels empathy for strangers. This has caused me for years to think that my feelings and circumstances don't matter. But thanks to these videos I'm learning I'm not the problem. I am also trying to go no contact and leave my narc family for good. I will pray for you that you can break away and be free and find peace and happiness. 🙏💖

@lisabowden402 9 ай бұрын

My mother is the same, and the only happiness I experience is no contact with them.

@cindy7733 9 ай бұрын

You are so blessed. I'm glad you were able to get out! The minute I find a job that pays a living wage....I'm gone. But it's proven difficult. @@lisabowden402

@getnthru 5 ай бұрын

The most insidious part is the way they make it out to be YOUR fault that they treat you so bad. If you would just… If you wouldn’t…. Then they wouldn’t be so upset. (Despite trying all you can to make and keep them happy)

@sot.c 4 ай бұрын

Wow exactly. Recently I had to go home to see my Dad he went into the hospital for A fib - my partner has been up for 24 hrs and drinking, he passed out asleep - when I went to let him know I was going to take an emergency flight to go see my Dad I couldn't wake him up, so I left a note - explained things to his roommates & they said they would talk to him once he woke up- I also texted him so when he woke up he would see that as well. Regardless to say he didn't care one bit about my Dad, still has never inquired as to howy Dad is doing - but proceeded to heavily guilt trip me for leaving and made it allllllllllll about him, be was furious that I left, to the point I found myself begging him to understand and over apologizing for days and days- finally I was back in his favor but it did not last long when I wanted to go see my Dad for Father's Day - apparently by even trying to have that conversation, I showed that I am a horrible person and now he is giving me the silent treatment. & Again makinge grovel 😭😭😭

@Shadowman... 9 ай бұрын

The no empathy thing is _ALL ANYONE NEEDS TO KNOW about these monsters._ My brother in law actually didn't call to see how his father was doing after having heart problems, because my Narcissist sisters angry response to him bringing it up at the dinner table, made him act all submissive. He actually leaned forward looking down and clinched his fists in a weird pose and I was the only one at the table who seemed to notice. So sad to see a person beaten down to were they lose there identity. I remember when he first married her ~ He would always stand up for himself and tell her off. NOW ~ a broken spirit who can't even get up from a table and make a simple phone call.

@user-zy8gk2nn7d 9 ай бұрын

exactly she ate him form the inside

@boxelder9167 9 ай бұрын

The problem with standing up to the narcissist is that they are going to retaliate and make you pay for that over and over again. You can’t get well while they are constantly trying to poison you and you almost always have to make a choice to make a complete break from them. That too can be very costly. No single thing that they do tips the scale to make it worth pushing back. It’s not until the price of going along with them accumulates until you have nothing else to lose. It’s a slow bleeding process that saps your energy to resist until it snaps. If I knew how it was going to end I would’ve left as soon as it started but I stayed, hopeful that I could love them enough that they would want to change. And then they turn love into a weapon to use against you. It’s harder to see when you’re in the middle of it.

@25N77 9 ай бұрын

The lack of a conscience and the lack of empathy by a person with narcissistic tendencies continues to shock me. I know it’s true because I live with it everyday. My disbelief in such a complex issue has gotten me in trouble many times because I try to reason things with her and it always falls flat. As Michelle says, she stepped right over me. I’m learning but it is a very hard lesson for me.

@marykacollins9191 9 ай бұрын

They don't know how to say sorry because it's always my fault or anyone else's

@Shadowman... 9 ай бұрын

Fear Not my friend, You are living in a time where History is being made right here. We finally have Channels like this to expose these psychotic narcissists. Best of all, most narcissists are unaware of all this info on here. Stay informed and know your not alone. Just know that the person your dealing with is character disordered, there not fully sane, there just good at acting that way.

@nickf2170 9 ай бұрын

The coverts are the worst. They are skilled at playing nice to reel you in, but once they have set the hook thru love bombing, well, then you start to get the barbs, the put downs, the disrespect, walking on egg shells, being told what you can say and how you have to act (as a full grown adult!). Did I forget triangulation, lets not forget that one. It's just an aweful experience, and you feel drained for trying to make a go of it. Don't feel bad when they discard you abruptly, see it as your way back to the light!

@JJ.gandalfthegrey 9 ай бұрын

I relate to all you described .. in my case, I left. He would have drained me to the end..

@romygarcia3782 9 ай бұрын

Spot on !

@jaybeerants5682 5 ай бұрын

Spot on. The only recourse after its over is researching and learning and pattern recognition because in my.opinion 95% of them follow the same pattern

@rahrahrobbbieee 9 ай бұрын

I was always feeling like I deserve nothing. All my fault no matter what.

@Shadowman... 9 ай бұрын

I know that feeling. I really think its from them being aggressive non stop all the time day in and day out. You just have to start to step back in your mind and know There the one with the problem, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. Next time they run there mouth just look at them as if your a therapist observing dysfunctional behavior ~ just the way a photographer in Africa studies alligators or rhinos

@rahrahrobbbieee 9 ай бұрын

At 60 plus I have no hope. I wish I had know sooner....@@Shadowman...

@Shadowman... 9 ай бұрын

Theirs always hope. I'm 58 and I know I most likely will live another 30 years or more. All you have to do is have a secret plan of working on YOU. It's the simple little things that make all the difference. Narcissists hate when we better ourselves Their psychotically jealous people. Theirs one thing you can do that will quickly give you an edge, and that is to start exerciser, strengthening yourself. just a set of dumbbells, even doing 1 set of pushups and sit ups in the bathroom before you take a shower will cause a change to empower you. No matter how abusive my narcissists have been in my life, they know full well that they cant take away my knowledge and my body. Trust me, no matter what your age, your secret fitness program could be all the Kryptonite you need. just don't tell her about any of it.. She will be jealous of ANYTHING you do. I'll leave you with these words from a poem I've always liked by Mary Oliver called The journey. One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do- determined to save the only life you could save. @@rahrahrobbbieee

@SweetUniverse 9 ай бұрын

In my mother's eyes, she could do whatever she wanted to me because I was her daughter & the bible says honor thy mother & father. She was a devout christian & one of the most horrible people I've ever encountered.

@dodibenabba525 9 ай бұрын

My ex covert malignant narcissist wife used to quote the love patient, love is kind because to get me to put up with the constant abuse and thinking it was my fault. Spiritual narcs are the worst! She'd always talk about unconditional love which meant her doing what she liked with no accountability.

@MikeMadison-z7o 9 ай бұрын

Same. Mine called me Satan,devil while saying God's going to get me. Beatings control. She acted like God worked for her. She said she wished she murdered me at birth later on when I left home. I tried to have her talk about it but she acted like she never said it. Dark empty people. GOD BLESS YOU ,AND HUGS FROM CANADA 🇨🇦.

@dodibenabba525 9 ай бұрын

@@MikeMadison-z7o 😲 that's a disgraceful thing to say.

@frankie555 9 ай бұрын

We mirror to connect. They mimic to control.

@name5876 9 ай бұрын

I'm not sure what you mean by that, but it reminded me how it drives me crazy when people try to communicate by mimicking something they THINK I'm doing instead of being straightforward and telling me so I could react to it and clarify it. It's mindboggling. When I brought it up to a psychiatrist he said being straightforward would hurt the other person, but there's nothing more hurtful when you're illtreated because of assumptions and all your efforts to discuss and clarify it fall flat. It leaves you trapped in an endless cycle that keeps hurting both parties. How is it not more hurtful? I can't understand how not giving clear feedbacks can be in anyone's interest, especially when it comes to authority figures that are supposed to be responsible for averting conflicts, not maintaining and escalating them.

@frankie555 9 ай бұрын

@@name5876 As was explained in the video, we have mirror neurons. It helps us to connect and to have empathy. To tune into others , to resonate in harmony. Narcissists don't have that. They can't connect. They can only mimic (copycat) us as a roleplay. Like the idiom "sailing under false colors", they mimic us without connecting. It's only a shallow roleplay of deception to trick us into thinking they have so much in common with us, but nothing is further from the truth. A bit like in the past, pirates used to raise their target country's flag, to mimic the other ship's nationality. Pretending to be a friendly ship, so they could get close enough to attack.

@TejubescDM 9 ай бұрын

Exactly!!!!

@juliacastilloart 9 ай бұрын

That's what happened to me, I didn't know I was being abused, because the abuse was so subtle that I never felt it until I had my first anxiety attack and my nervous system went out of control, and this person made fun of me for my anxiety attacks.

@maxwell9734 9 ай бұрын

It's an extremely complex situation. So it's no wonder that, the scape goat, or the victim doesn't fully realize what's going on... the manner in which, they go out of their way, to totally impress a complete stranger. Or, someone else who is outside of the situation, but just happens to personally know you or your family. They can flip back and forth like nothing... No conscious though or concerns.. deliberately pushing anyone down to feel impowered . .

@chriskahlson 9 ай бұрын

Thank you Michelle for objective perspectives, excellent subject matter, content and presentations- highly recommended!

@bronwyntanner4501 9 ай бұрын

I've been listening to you for years. You make soo much sense. Thank you for being part of my leaving divorcing and healing from the insanity of 14 years marriage to the passive aggressive covert narc. Soooo grateful for my life

@Meathed.fitnessmedia 9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much. I related to a lot of this. The last part really hit home w the nervous system overcompensating and the brain fog. It’s really crazy

@reettaelina 9 ай бұрын

My mom was raised by an addict. My father said she never grew up. Now she is acting like she needs my help and when I help she is trying to get some reaction from me. I am not healing if I see her or my father. It so hard when other family members are addicts and narcissists. Thank you Michele!

@Wishpool 9 ай бұрын

I love your channel, Michele. You're so intelligent, kind, and give excellent explanations!

@cornflakesagain5647 9 ай бұрын

I dannot agree with you more, especially regarding no empathy on the part of the narc. I only found out my mom and sister have NpD this summer after I went for counselling . I had a brain injury for 3.5 yrs from the wrong meds my doctor gave me in addition to having MS for 28 yrs. I had asked my sister why she doesn't acknowledge my existance when she visits my folks who live next door and she parks on my driveway. She told me 'I should understand that she has never been able to be around needy people - they make her uncomfortable.' Three days later, I asked my mom why she hasn't visited me on her own in 6.5 yrs and she told me, 'She has done her duty as a parent, she needs her rest now, and she has earned the right to watch her afternoon shows.' It was utterly devestating to me. My dad didn't defend me and he was present when she said this to me. I'm still reeling. I was so grieved and after I saw a therapist, I had to stop going .I can't believe I was 54 and though knowing they were the most disagreeable women I've ever had to accept I never thought it was an illness. They have been vile and I now want to find a rental and sell my house to get away from the 2 NPD's and enablersin my family. I had been in a long term relationships with one NPD man, had a 'best friend for 30 yrs also NPD, and I had two colleagues when I worked at an agency who tried to sabotage my work on a regular basis.NPD's are vile and downright cruel. I always thought if I just loved them they would see that I'm sincere and they would change. NEVER Thank you for exposing so much in your direct and kind way. You are obviously helping many of us who have NPD's hijackcing their lives. Currently stressed but now feel a fire to get out of here without decimating my financial future with a serious illness. NPD's are my greatest illness... I don't mean to sound dramatic...but I'm sincere in saying that.

@HeroReturns 9 ай бұрын

Everytime my narc parent comes into the same room I’m in, my heart tenses up and I get anxiety. Just hearing them outside in the corridor scares me. I’m apparently “mentally ill” and no one knows why. I know why. It’s being confirmed every day. Once I got my thumb caught in the car door, and I came inside where my mom was standing in front of the sink with the running water. I rushed to put the thumb under water to cool it down, and her instinct was to turn the tap off. Another day I woke up with a terrible pain in my stomach, she says: “why are you moaning?”, I said I have a terrible pain in my stomach (I could barely sit down). She ignores it and leaves the room, and comes back in like 10 minutes and randomly asks: “did you see the cat?”. 4 years ago (I did not realise she was a narcissist then), I was experiencing a psychotic episode and tried to off myself. I wake up in the hospital (she’s been notified). She sends a picture of her mowing the lawn to our family group. No “how are you?”, “what happened?”, “why did you do this?”. She found a way to make MY S*****E attempt about her!!! It was about her actually, she f***ed me up! I’m made to believe that it’s a normal behavior, it’s a constant crazy making. But never ever again I will put her as a priority. She is a monster. I get she is traumatized too, that’s why she does that, but do I have to justify her?

@Shadowman... 9 ай бұрын

They all seem to be arrested development thugs with no impulse control. It's interesting that they can't regulate emotions, yet they seem to be able to manipulate emotions in others like a pro. That's like not being able to draw~ but be able to stand behind an artist and tell him how to paint a masterpiece??

@HeroReturns 9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for confirming we are not the problem. I’ve learned about narcissism in and out, but it’s still difficult to discern the truth correctly some times. I tend to be as hard on myself as the narcissist was / is on me and believing I deserve kindness is the hard part.

@chrisx1197 9 ай бұрын

Looking good today Michelle

@romygarcia3782 9 ай бұрын

This is exactly what I experienced… and it is so hard to find yourself again after +2 decades of this kind of abuse … it is criminal what they do to those they pretend to love so much 😢 Thank you for sharing this, it gives me back some sense of self, realizing that it ISN’T your fault, realizing that you were the victim of abuse and manipulation, realizing that you are NOT crazy !!! 🙏🙏🙏

@LesleyGarvs-vo7eq 7 ай бұрын

I live in Scotland...this is the most covered narcissistic place I have ever been...and dirty...a little remark there, a dirty look here, if you go to a shop...the shop can be empty and the clerks come just where you are to fix...whatever, to make you feel you look suspicious, or like a thief😩😭... There were dead birds at the beach, I tell one lady so that she go to another spot with her children...she stays just right there😱😰🤯...don t care about her kids... My ptsd went up like a rocket...but I have been studying myself and books about abuse... And I realize they don t deserve me...absolutely racists and no common sense. So It took me 5 years to realize..I was reenacting all the mess in my subconscious mind from my parents messy environment as kid... Luckily, I am more conscious of that and just moving on the same i did when i was 17...

@sher101 9 ай бұрын

You nailed this for me. My first experience was being married to an overt narcissist. After my divorce I met someone who I later found out was a covert narcissist. I had worked very hard on my healing before I met him and although there were behaviors that gave me pause, I didn’t “detect” them right away because they were subtle in comparison to the overt behaviors. We are no longer together and I can say it was a necessary life lesson for me. I now understand how both covert and overt narcissists operate!

@pinkrosessheila 9 ай бұрын

#9--Yes! Yes! Yes! I had been abused so much by several people throughout my life that I didn't realize I was being abused. Easy then for others to do the same again later on, even up until more recently. Not anymore! 😠

@dianep6335 9 ай бұрын

All of this describes my late husband to the last detail. I couldn't get out because of lack of resources and support. Boy I wish he were alive and tried this stuff with me now--I've learned so much since his death, I'd face him down and handle him totally different!

@kirkturnage3426 9 ай бұрын

Agh… I am living everything you say. I have felt so stupid for so long, and I get up every day to do it again… I really don’t get it, and I’m tired of trying to heal a person who is dead set on misery. This is exhausting

@Wishpool 9 ай бұрын

Please leave your narc. It'll only get worse and I'd hate for you to lose more of your precious time (like myself and so many others have). I can relate to the exhaustion. They will completely drain you until there's nothing left.

@mybellacat1 6 ай бұрын

#9 right on! That is exactly how it is. I am there now.

@Symphonia1983 7 ай бұрын

These things is the most usual things that the coaches are saying, the thing is if you haven't gone through of being abused by one you will never know actually the true experience. I can tell this because for the first a narcissist never manage to do what this other person is capable of and that is only because it is out of their league. You deside your self how long it will take to heal from this abuse, for people who doesn't know how to get through this can carry this trauma and reexperience it with another narcissist. The biggest gift that you can get from this is to be able to realise fast enough before it goes too far, they like play games with people in a way that you can't directly see. They like to take up your whole week if they can to just spend more time with them so that they can end up ghosting you and come back to you when they will need you again. When you are going through self discovery that is when they come to you and want all of your attention, they can even see you when you least expect it.

@luizlunkes3992 9 ай бұрын

Wow Michele!!! It’s a perfect description!. Really enlightened!! Thank you!

@tome3454 7 ай бұрын

That last one 😥. It took me 10 yrs to finally see him for who he really was. I filed for divorce 2 months after that and the abusive behavior escalated. He wasn't bothering to hide it anymore.

@georgemixas7270 9 ай бұрын

You got it (2:56) spot on!!! But I am already healing through therapy. 39m been on the journey for 10 years, breaking through in the last month!!!

@BethAnnesBest 9 ай бұрын

This makes a lot of sense b/c we are often around a lot of people together but it's rare that I'm able to be around people without him.

@marekm9647 9 ай бұрын

Thank you!

@kimparke6653 9 ай бұрын

Great video. Best to focus on your own self care.

@IzabelaWaniek-i1x 9 ай бұрын

I can relate to everything you said Michelle. Thank you for your brilliant observations and advice 😊 God bless you❤

@SweetUniverse 9 ай бұрын

By the time my mother died at 75, she had become like a toddler- throwing a tantrum if no one would do what she wanted. She had 4 DWIs, so what she wanted was someone to drive her around to her favorite bars so she could spend a Saturday drinking until she was falling down drunk, literally.

@louthefou4052 9 ай бұрын

Damn thats scary accurate of my life

@LesleyGarvs-vo7eq 7 ай бұрын

I can never forget my narc mom convinced me in a sec to change career and university...and I pleased her...they think we are extensions of themselves...warning...they are toxic🤯😱😰☠️

@lauralio2055 7 ай бұрын

Listening to this causes me to feel sick to my stomach.

@marykacollins9191 9 ай бұрын

Spot on they are evil monsters trying to destroy you I had a kidney stone attack once screaming on the floor he stood there watching me probably enjoying it I told him get an ambulance he didn't even think about that the coward I kicked him out 16 months ago and going for divorce in February it's been very peaceful since he's gone I want nothing to do with him any more he was an abusive alcoholic narcissist he's got a new supply now good luck to her

@MaryMullen-n5r 6 ай бұрын

When my husband discarded me cold turkey I cried so hard. I was never so heart broken in my entire life. He looked straight at me. Didn’t care AT ALL. He continued to play on his phone. And then posted memes making fun on me crying because he was leaving me. He’s just psychotic.

@deathuponusalll 9 ай бұрын

Just came out of a trauma bond friendship with a covert narcissist and dude I don’t even know what or why I keep doing this smh

@rahrahrobbbieee 9 ай бұрын

Me too.

@deathuponusalll 9 ай бұрын

@@rahrahrobbbieee was this the first time this has happened to you or have you noticed it be a pattern?

@rahrahrobbbieee 9 ай бұрын

My Mom set me up for this and now I fall for it with other people too. It is the bain of my existence. I don't know how much more I can take.@@deathuponusalll

@patrickdaigle5239 9 ай бұрын

🙏🥰🙏

@emilyvolk4398 9 ай бұрын

Ive been with a covert narc for ten years and am trying to leave and move back home with my mother 6 hours away.. finally bought another car because he sabotaged the last one... Now ive finally got another after 6 months of walking ( i refused to ask him for a ride). Now it looks like he just did something to my new car... Its leaking everywhere.. I cant breathe right now... I cant deal. Pray for me. Im scared all time, can t sleep or eat, cant do anything ... I feeel helpless he controls all money, heat, laundry Detergent, bandaids, the heat, locks on doors, food, trashbags,. He locks the tanning bed, i need to ask him to use it .. and nobody knows but me. I cant even drive anymore without hyperventilating . I jump out of my skin if i see a bug or her the slightest noise... i used to be fearless.. Help😢

@jean-pierrep6844 9 ай бұрын

Codependents also control, deny and lack boundaries. Differences are motives and emotional empathy. Narcissists have cognitive and functional empathy and use it as a weapon.

@LeahB4812 9 ай бұрын

What's interesting is that I was only allowed to be "excited" and "happy" even if I was faking it- I wasn't allowed to complain or show disappointment. Is that normal for this personality?

@Darren-sn4ki 8 ай бұрын

My mother was a narcissist and my whole family grandma uncle and aunt and cousins my family all are narcissistic and religious narcissists too family system and emotional neglect and emotional neglect and I have severe C-PTSD I don’t have a support support or support from my family and I have chronic pain because of the abuse aches and pains dissociating all the time sometimes I feel stuck all the time I feel I will never be the real me myself I have addiction since childhood because of the abuse

@Regina-l2u 9 ай бұрын

🧐💯😇THIS IS AWFUL & THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE DOING!!! So, DOES GOD❣️

@beckystrozenski5187 9 ай бұрын

I was raised by a narcissist mother and married to 2 narcissist men. Still am to one.

@DarkeningSkies1 2 ай бұрын

@beckystrozenski5187- “raised”by a covert malignant narcissist mother, and codependent father. I would’ve been better off as an orphan, or with parents who physically abused me at least then I would’ve been able to prove it and get away from them.

@dodibenabba525 9 ай бұрын

You have to stop valuing their opinion about you! Don't internalise their words, their words are spells.

@TejubescDM 9 ай бұрын

💯💯💯

@themiddlepath2942 9 ай бұрын

can you please say how can i regain my empathy after narcisstic abuse and recover my real self

@gjthomas9770 9 ай бұрын

I can tell that you have read a few blog posts and a few book ❤. What do you think about the not often spoken about one two method in psychology? What are your credentials? Do you have a PhD?

@frankie555 9 ай бұрын

Coverts are expert sales people. If it seems too good to be true ...

@MaestroMaxim 9 ай бұрын

#9… interesting

@roberttruman8444 9 ай бұрын

Are the effects of narcissistic abuse ever mistaken for ADHD? I got diagnosed recently but I also discovered that my ex girlfriend, best mate and my mother were all narcissistic.

@Mattheus217 5 ай бұрын

If you are stressed, nervous, doubt yourself, and feel anxious then that makes concentration super difficult, like with ADHD. Plus, you are on high alert and over analyze how not to anger that other person but yet then you end up not knowing what you want or who you are.

@roberttruman8444 5 ай бұрын

@@Mattheus217 Well to be honest there are several signs of ADHD that I can recall having all through my life. But the high alert, over analysing and not knowing myself were all very present in certain relationships, so much so I passed on a relationship with the most suitable partner because I didn't feel the intense bursts of anxiety and an irrational fear of loss, and I wasn't used to feeling calm and genuinely valued without having to work for it. Unfortunately there were no experts in my family to advise me. They were either controlling and manipulative or 'toxic victims' who dealt in a currency of shame and obligation.

@yvettealiceacaba4841 9 ай бұрын

You describe our symptoms, but not the solutions. Not everyone can afford to pay to hear the solutions or what to do or deal with the narcissist.

@marykacollins9191 9 ай бұрын

The best way is run away and no contact at all to get peace back in your mind and life I kicked mine out after 28 years of torture get the police involved they helped me mine got an IVO because he tried to kill me

@name5876 9 ай бұрын

That's pretty much extreme to have all these traits at once. Some of these imo are also easily replacable with cptsd symptoms like irritabilty, being intense, feeling numb, dependence, navigating, looking for validation and positive attention, even obsession can be a trauma symptom etc. I've never seen a video about where you draw the line between being traumatised and becoming a narcissist since it's rooted in being victims themselves. I also don't believe they don't have empathy, since you yourself said they usually have compassion for others but not for specific people like scapegoats or partners they rely on. Which simply means they put them in a different role and otherwise are capable of feeling empathy. Blaming others may also be rooted in being shamed for everything like scapegoats usually are which could explain their strong phobia and avoidance of being in the wrong. It always made me wonder because a lot of times these descriptions sound like simple trauma symptoms and not character flaws or being malignant. I'm not saying these can't be true for some, but it doesn't seem like an exact, unmistakable category with a definite line between the two. I mean how can you tell whether the motive behind something is malignant or not, conscious or not, if they are in the present or deep in a trauma? And of course it also doesn't mean a non-malignant traumatised or simply immature parent can't hurt a child who's obviously not equipped and supposed to deal with it.

@HeroReturns 9 ай бұрын

I also keep finding myself questioning about what’s behind narcissism, what is their thought process and what are their real feelings. I think that if I found a way to understand that, and how that relates to their trauma, I’d be able to forgive and move on. But it’s very difficult, maybe they’re even more traumatised than the trauma they cause us. I think, that probably, until we understand it completely, it’s better to err on the side of caution and just consider them evil. Simply because you need to protect yourself. You do not want to be lead by a false hope or unguarded compassion into attempting to forgive them too early or for the wrong reasons, as you will just find yourself in the cycle again.

@name5876 9 ай бұрын

@@HeroReturns Evil? I'm pretty sure there are evil people, but it's not the narcissists. At least not those we call narcissists for some questionable reasons.

@HeroReturns 9 ай бұрын

@@name5876 then you probably have not dealt with one. It’s often being used like a buzzword for people seeking attention or just randomly doing something wrong to another human. If you have endured the torture of a true narcissist, you would understand.

@name5876 9 ай бұрын

@@HeroReturns I did endure it and not by one but a bunch of them, and though it was a textbook narcissist abuse, I still don't think they were themselves narcissists, but simply awful people who followed the narcissist 'manual'. Always the same methods again and again for decades. So you don't actually need a narcissist in your life to endure a narcissist abuse, though it's quite unlikely you don't come across several of them over the years. You're not even necessarily able to identify them since they attack you through other people, they either lie to your face or you don't even know them. But the result is the same: cptsd, depression, anxitey, isolation, dissociation, not being able to function, not having answers. I think my decades old mental issues speak for themselves. It should be stressed out more that you can endure this abuse anywhere by anyone, not just in family or relationships, but in any kind of community as a scapegoat. And it follows you if there are obsessed enough people behind it. It's damaging enough enduring it in your childhood, but when it follows you everywhere, its effects are devastating.

@HeroReturns 9 ай бұрын

@@name5876 if what someone does is a “textbook narcissistic abuse”, how are they not a narcissist?