Why We Said NO to this Foster Placement Call

[@mrs.boz1141]

I'm sooo appreciative of your careful choice of words surrounding this topic. As an autistic adult to autistic/nuerodivergent children the language used in these conversations is soooo important. I also commend you both on learning what you can as you go, and being willing to help kiddos who do exhibit more challenging behaviors; as I'm sure you know, all behavior is communication. I reccomend "the brain keeps the score" for yall to read if you havent already. ❤

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you for acknowledging this. I wasn’t sure if I was using the proper terms, but my intentions are good, thank you for seeing that. Will definitely check out that book!

[@osheaeimear83]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity I was also wondering what kind of training you would get for these particular cases or is there any.

[@brynnc.1266]

@@TheCatholicGirl All behavior is communication. It might not be good behavior, but it is communication because it hints at what a child is feeling. If you think their statement is false then you should probably reevaluate how you see behavior.

[@allisonwhiteside9475]

@Krista maybe you meant the book titled The Body Keeps the Score? It’s a very good book.

[@Megz1794]

@@TheCatholicGirl yes all behavior is communication it doesn’t all have to be good behavior in order to be communication.it does tell other people that the child is going through something ,what a child is feeling and why people should be understanding about it.

[@enigmalfidelity]

One thing i must point out: Yes, try to keep the kid in the school of origin. As well, ask the child how school is for them. Are they bullied? Are they treated less than? I can assure you, if i had been asked these questions, my school placement would have definitely changed

[@TheCandaceH]

I was a foster child from the age of two all the way to seven years old. I had a horrible experience and DHS was not protective at all. I'm so glad to hear that more loving homes and caring parents are out there. Hopefully, not just anybody can take in a child...

[@AbbyTVY]

We just got licensed 4 days ago and the next day we got a call for a placement we had to say no to 😩. We already have littles at home and it was a sibling group in which one of the kids had an undiagnosed special needs. We just weren't comfortable saying yes if we couldn't truly give that child everything he needed.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

And that was the best decision you could have made 💛

[@nomis9913]

I really appreciate how considerate you are with each and every child. You can tell you really want the best for them ❤️

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We definitely do ❤️

[@Will0wFire]

My boss and his wife are a Foster family. Usually they take in infants and babies prior to adoption, but currently have a pair of twins aged around 4 years old. The poor kids are extremely traumatised and developmentally not what you'd expect for children at their age, due to extreme neglect. I admire him and his family so much. I have considered offering Foster care, but as I'm single and my children are under a 50/50 care share with their Dad and me, they have told me in no uncertain terms that they don't want to compete with a foster child when they have their weeks with me. Understandable. Maybe one day..

[@karenbutler5994]

Friends of mine in addition to placement foster care do respite care. A foster family may need a day off for medical appointments or court for another child or another reason. Perhaps it work for your family for you to do respite care when you don't have your own kids?

[@bko2613]

@@karenbutler5994 oh! Good idea! I'm going to look into this!

[@justjenny4871]

I'm sure it hurts to say NO to placement calls, but it's for the best for that child in your family, and for your family as well. I love your videos so much, you inspire me everyday. Thank you so much for what you do for all of those foster kids out their, like me!

[@kellyanndyer730]

I totally agree some kids will only grow in an environment with no other siblings. This is our case

[@kimo49]

Thank you , I'm get to adopted my nephew today after 4 years old him being in foster care . He just turned 4 few weeks back

[@teijaflink2226]

Congratulations. I'm bit curious how it works with adoptions like that, will you still call him your nephew or your son, or both (he will obviously always be your biological nephew).

[@kimo49]

@@teijaflink2226 It took me two years to accept him call me mom in till his dad said was ok then was . Mom was out of he's 1st day , dad was in & out but mostly out of his life . Glad it's over if want talk with his dad or mom later date

[@theneens5535]

My daughter is getting ready to adopt her niece and nephew. (My middle son, her older brother) After many years of their parents choosing drugs over them, we were able to get custody. It has been a bumpy road as they were 9 and 12 when their family totally disintegrated. Now they're ready to be adopted and we are thrilled.

[@kimo49]

@@theneens5535 So happy for the kids it's nice that they have your daughter adopted them .

[@susanfudge1737]

Why wasn't he placed with you immediately? Most states look for relatives before foster homes.

[@CourtLee333]

I wish there woulda been a families like y’all’s when I was a kid. My sisters and I started foster care at the age of 2 and a half and finally got adopted when me and my twin sister were 6 and my older sister was 9. We went threw so much during those years between being molested and physically abused. It just wasn’t a good time in our lives. God Bless You Guys And Everything U Do❤️

[@CCCCCCCCCCCmany]

I’m sorry.

[@purplepheasant4776]

Wow! I am sorry that that happened to you and your siblings.

[@SLYCoopaEatsChicken]

Yes girl get that sponsorship!!!!! You deserve to have companies supporting you!!!!!!!!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

🥰😭

[@countycalling]

From Cincinnati also! I grew up in foster care and became a foster mother in my 20s. So rewarding but so heartbreaking at the same time. Thank you

[@annieboudreau7077]

as an adult who grew up in foster care I jus appreciate you and your family so much. I dreamed everynight to be in a home such as yours. I cry everytime I watch your videos. it makes me so incredibly happy that there are families out there like yours. thank you for educating and being so open in teaching people how to be the best foster parents. sending so much love and prayers for your family Nd your foster kiddos..

[@ryanm7249]

That is good that you look at the needs of the child rather than saying yes right away. I am completely blind, so if you ever get a case call for a child that is blind or visually impaired and need advice on what services visually impaired people need please reach out to me! I would be happy to help!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

We absolutely will reach out for support. And for kids with visual impairments, I feel like that’s another we would have to stair step into. Only because our kids still require so much of us. If that wasn’t the case, we would five headfirst! Thank you for being so supportive ❤️

[@ryanm7249]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity understood. There are also lots of organizations that can help for different disabilities. Also, I know Darcy would be such a good help to anyone with a disability with is intelegent and kind a she is.

[@ryanm7249]

@Joy Hu you are absolutely right! As long as I have my accomodations and what not I don't really need much. For example, my parents didn't frequently need to spend more time with me for my homework than they did my sister as long as it was in braille. So I really don't think it would be to hard. Obviously the child would need to be on an IEP, and require accomodations like braille and Jaws learning. But there is lots of help available from the state and other organizations for that so that it is not all on the parent.

[@Zero2FiveFamily]

The “living room” looks awesome, wish we had a place like that around our area. Always looking for a place just to spend an evening working on different project and just get out of the the house for a moment every now and then. Great info!It was always hard when we would say “yes” and then they would be placed in another home. 🤗❤️

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I hope you can find a coworking space in your area!!

[@Ragt0p]

There are a lot of co-working spaces. I thought there would be one almost anywhere, hope one pops up near you 🙂

[@trinaanderson223]

I was just looking for coworkers places near me and only one option, still 30 miles from home. I live how you share your experience and knowledge while being careful to respect everyone involved at the same time. Working in the mental health field, I can tell you this isn't always easy to do. Keep up the great work!

[@saradevos83]

Foster care in Belgium is so different.... I am currently preparing for my first long term placement. Foster to adopt doesn't happen here sadly. I really thank you for our videos, I learn a lot.

[@katie6384]

This is off topic but there's a song called "the village" by Wrabel and everytime I hear it it really makes me feel like you're out there reversing it and fixing it. I love your videos and your family ❤

[@marshmallow7640]

Love that song!

[@tracydeyhle4688]

I am amazed at how honest you are about which situations you and your family are willing and able to deal with at this time. You guys are angels.

[@Mscricket222]

Thank you so much for doing this video. As a single foster parent I’ve had to say no when I really wanted to say yes but felt I was not a good fit for the child because there was no one else to help. Nobody prepares you for how bad you feel when you say no

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you for doing what you do. You are incredibly courageous and capable

[@Mscricket222]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity Thank you all for sharing your journey with the world!!!

[@JoraAustin]

Hey, great video, but I would caution against telling people online where they can frequently meet you.

[@Lilee177]

I can imagine it can be really difficult to say no to a placement call when you want to help so much - it is great that you can step back and consider the needs of the child and know when is the right time to say yes, and the wrong time to say yes.

[@SunflowerStateBrenda]

I am so appreciative of your vlogs and how articulate you are with your family and how you are working through the foster care system. This is the first vlog that really made me cry for the young child who was experiencing the adoptive displacement. I know that it will work out for her but it is definitely something that can add to the feelings that you are already experiencing as a foster child and not thinking that you are wanted and then you go through being removed from what you thought was going to be your forever home. I went through this when I was a teenager. I am thankful that I wasn't adopted by the first family because of finding out that the Mom was actually going through a severe drinking problem. I was blessed to be adoptive by a single mother and we were only the 3rd single person adoption in our state at that time. Life works out as it is meant to. Please keep up the fantastic job you and John are doing! You both are amazing and I truly thank you for being the people you are.

[@KM-ye9so]

I always love how respectfully you talk about everything you talk about, but my heart is especially happy with how respectfully you talked special needs in this video. Language matters, and - as someone who has disabilities myself - it's so lovely to see you both considering the best interest of the kiddo and using respectful language. :)

[@amandathompson6327]

Whitney can you let Ms. A know that we miss her and her sassy sense of humor💗😭

[@kdewit1618]

One of my former students was recently placed into foster care. She was separated from her younger sisters who relied on her. My heart breaks for them and I hope so much they are in places like yours where they are so loved and cared for

[@carriereed2552]

After I get myself more situated, I am planning to become a foster parent. A lot of my cousins have been foster parents in the past.

[@altynaytherussianspy]

I’m a developmentally disabled teenager (my neurodivergent traits are similar to that of autism or sensory processing disorder). I’ve been watching your channel for a while and I love you guys!! It probably won’t help all too much, but if you guys are looking to stock like sensory items and other things for future foster kids, I’d recommend hitting sales at target and stores that specialize in school/education supplies. Occasionally there’s some good finds at various dollar stores too, so it doesn’t hurt to look. If you eventually have a foster kid who likes to stim by chewing, many baby stores sell “chewerly” and it’s a lot cheaper than buying directly from special needs websites (in my experience). I come to Cincinnati very often for Cincinnati Children’s hospital, and there’s a local store in the area that’s run by a mom of an autistic son, and it’s full of sensory and autism related items. (I forget the name? I’ll add it if I eventually remember). In addition to sensory/stim toys, I’d recommend buying a couple pairs of ear defenders specifically meant for autistic individuals in various sizes (You can find these for relatively cheap on Amazon). I’d also recommend maybe investing in aac flashcards? It could be helpful if you get a future client who becomes unable to speak when they’re upset. I know you don’t always get a lot of information on the foster kid before they arrive, but if possible I’d inquire about any special interests/comfort items/severe sensory aversions (or if they’re older and able, ask them their needs themself). This may not have been all too helpful, but I wish you guys well!!

[@AJ-se2xf]

Very well written and explained. The advice was spot on as well. My daughter is neurodivergent which took forever to get diagnosed correctly. My son was super easy though. Which is pretty typical. We stock so much sensory input and sensory relieving things in our house lol.. One of our favorite are figits, moon sand, weighted blanket and chewies, headphones, multicolor lights and a galaxy ceiling light. Thanks for put your information out there as it helps so many people. I Just couldn't scroll by without commenting.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

This is so incredibly helpful!! Thank you for taking the time to be so thoughtful in your comment. I will definitely be coming back to this if we have a placement with these needs.

[@rebeccamichelturner]

Your feelings make total sense! You want to help all the kiddos but not all are best suited to your family/living situation. It definitely seems to be a learning-by-doing process on what works for your family

[@jennp7]

I really love how you consider each possible placement individually ❤️❤️

[@allisonkemper5533]

I’m so glad to hear you were able to say no when it was the right thing for the child and for your family. It must be so hard and it must take a lot of strength to say no when you so deeply want to help kids. *hugs* for having to make tough decisions.

[@pinkyheather]

I thinks it great what your family is doing. My niece works on both sides, and she celebrates every adoption that happens.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I hope she celebrates the reunification’s too!

[@TheWhites6]

This is one of your most important and informative videos you've made, I am so glad you made it!!! Doing our best to foresee possible disruption IS the best method to take take for the children's sake. Then the right foster family has the opportunity to care for that child without disruption. 👏👏👏

[@rachaelcapaso-bond74]

It is always so hard to say no. Its talked about how hard it is to say goodbye, but its not talked about how hard it is to say no & how it can hurt your heart. But, ultimately we just wish the best for each and everyone involved!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes, yes... YES! It really can weigh on you.

[@rachaelcapaso-bond74]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity so much!

[@hannahgrieves6913]

Thank you for everything you do!

[@cassieb3937]

Your family is seriously amazing! I aspire to be like you all and have the family unit that you have! I have always wanted to be a foster parent, and I am excited for that journey in the future. For now, I get my fill from watching and learning from you all. I also love your channel name and have seriously considered getting this as a tattoo: Especially since I am studying to be an elementary school teacher.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I love this!!

[@tonyasnyder]

Your family is wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

[@theluxereseller]

Thank you for SO MUCH adding the link for “one simple wish” in your bio! I was able to log on, find a “wish”that I connected with and pay within only a few minutes. So easy - Such an amazing and streamlined website! I will definitely check back and donate to other kids regularly.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you so much for doing that!!

[@kayleegoff141]

There is a website that is called the nacyace the website talks about the different challenge development with kids.

[@ZippersAlmighty]

You're definitely not located in Georgia, USA. I was in foster care for 10 years and they rotate us out between 6mo-a year.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Woah...

[@dianaelizondo2124]

Thank you so much for posting this exact video. We have a sibling group going home in the next few weeks and I know we will take a little break, maybe do respite but eventually jump back in. We are licensed for up to 6 so its always a must for us to get sibling groups, since so often they are split up anything over 2, in our area at least. This is so helpful to sit a relax and take in kids that you are best suited for even though you want to help all kids. My 1st instict would be to say yes before thinking about how it may affect them or our family and is it the best placement for them.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Love this

[@carlyblack42]

Thank you so much for this information. I am also in the Cincy area, and I have been thinking a lot about fostering in the future, and finding out about they way our county functions has been a lot of help.

[@teijaflink2226]

I think it's really important to be able to say no if you feel the child is not right for your family or that you're not the right/best family for that child, the stability for that child is so important. I totally understand that as decent people you really want to help every kid, specially as there are so many children who suffer but knowing when to say no is helping too.

[@aprilfields494]

In my county I was told recently we have 3 social workers for this and 0 homes. They had 3 kids last year that had to stay at the dhhr round the clock because they had nowhere to take them. So because of that they aren’t even removing kids from homes unless it’s extreme of extreme cases. The system is so corrupt here tho I mean it’s so bad that “ some” ppl sign up to foster and legit either hope that they will or try to get them removed because they want to adopt for whatever reason.

[@mycircusmymonkeys7867]

Wow this was soooo genuine to watch!!!! Thank you for your real and honest feelings...your perspective is so educational!!

[@Roseisababe111]

no matter what video you are such a natural speaker. amazing. it flows so nicely.

[@russellhowry4137]

Thank you for always being open and honest on your thought processes. It is a huge help for anyone looking to foster or adopt.

[@jimmycooper9497]

Why did you decide to be foster parents?

[@HandleToWatch]

They have a video about it on their channel. The Playlist is titled Becoming a Foster Family

[@barbaraunderwood1762]

That’s a beautiful place. U always explain things so well. Wonderful family.

[@Mickeyd4266]

3 placement calls in 3 weeks sounds like a lot. It didn't used to, but before I got the call for my current placement (who is also a previous placement), I had only gotten 3 calls in almost a year. Now, though, we are only able to take little baby boys and that lowers the calls even more.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

It will always depend on your location, age, and child characteristics. But yeah, it’s why we went with the Cincinnati county and not the suburb county we live in, there’s more of a need.

[@Mickeyd4266]

Right. We are in the Cincinnati county too.. Instead of our county, although I guess our agency could potentially get referrals from all the surrounding counties... I'm not actually in any hurry to get a call because our current placement is a bit of a handful. He was with us for the first 2 years of his life and re unified on his 2nd birthday and came back a year and a half later with so much trauma.

[@2866ashleymoore]

I’m in Ohio as well, may I ask what agency you choose? We ended up with kids count too. Do you know anything about them? Thoughts? Thanks! Your videos are very informative!

[@victoriav.3661]

I think this is one of the best video's I've seen from y'all! Super educational, and I appreciate you being choice with your words because the topic is so delicate. Thank you!

[@DezaRay24]

As an adult adoptee listening to people talk about human children like we are puppies makes me absolutely sick! Drs preach how children need stability yet foster kids get tossed around like nothing and quoted as being “resilient” NO their traumatized! People need to stop romancing and glorifying adoption and foster care when in order to become a family, another family 1st has to be forever traumatized! I encourage everyone looking into foster care or adoption to join adult adoptee groups and hear what former foster kids have to say about placements and disruptions. As well as what us adult adoptees have to say now that we’re grown and get our own voice for a change.

[@pamelamccollam4657]

I agree that romanticizing adoption and foster care is not a good thing. I remember once reading two "competing" articles about the pros and cons of foster care and adoption, and I was so dismayed at how short sighted and uninsightful those articles were! Clearly, the best thing for children is to be with their own parents as long as those parents keep them safe! The problem is when families do not keep their children safe, requiring others to step in to help. You're right, being removed from the home is very traumatizing! Foster children should never be "tossed around like nothing," and should not be seen as "puppies." I support a well-functioning foster care system that intervenes when there are no other options. I also support initiatives designed to strengthen struggling families. The day when a foster system is no longer necessary will be a great day in our history.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@painterscastle]

It would be great if there are carers within the agency that has a child with additional needs, that you could do some respite, babysitting for. We have and do currently foster children with additional needs and it has been so rewarding.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

That is a great thought!

[@ryleeburnand9776]

I love what you do here💙 I think I want to be a foster parent when I grow up :)

[@horsewithnoname12345]

“I am in the living room..” Me: Wow, her living room looks so cool, when did you do the makeover? Oh wait....

[@carolynloper6507]

Same

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@saml4004]

This was me too. Lol

[@giraffeyanne24]

I thought the exact same thing!!

[@nicole42999]

Beautifully done

[@elizabethmorgan7142]

So happy to see another video!

[@GDS_Michelle]

Hey Whitney, do the social workers regularly speak with the foster child to make sure they are being treated appropriately in the foster home? Also, if the situation came where the foster child was up for adoption due to termination of parental rights, do they take into account the opinion and wants of the child to be adopted by the foster family?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes and yes. Depending on the state and county and agency, there are regular conversations. And yes, the foster family is able to weigh in and provide direction/context as it pertains to the best interest of the child. They are part of the child care team.

[@woohooitscrystal]

It greatly depends on the case and team. We were an adoptive placement but had no say in where our little one ended up. Thr child is being moved put of state to a relative.

[@amymenjivar3489]

@@woohooitscrystal Agree 100%. Her agency seems really good. Others maybe not so much. State laws also determine how many 'rights' foster parents have. I know Georgia and West VA have lobbied for more rights of parents. DC allows foster parents to intervene in court cases. Other states, too (amount of time in care before intervening varies). I"m in Maryland and a group has lobbied for a House Bill being considered now for foster parents to have the right to intervene after the child is in care a year. We can go and make a statement in court, but this would allow us the right to stay through an entire court hearing (we are often asked to leave), after a year, this would give us the same standing as a relative re custody. So, in a case like yours, they wouldn't automatically go to a relative in another state they didn't even know.

[@woohooitscrystal]

@@amymenjivar3489 here in CO we are not even addressed in court. It's like we don't exist...yet we are the ones who know the most about these children. That sounds like a great step for foster parents in your state. Our agency is great but they basically say to accept it because that is just how it is.

[@mariemartins8606]

Yes, but a lot of the times dcf does not believe the child. I was being abused in a foster home and told my social worker who kept me there. I finally called her supervisor which foster kids are aloud to do but just are not told( I contacted my older sister who called them and told me to call her supervisor) well the supervisor was pissed at the social worker and I was moved immediately. My sister finally got custody of me when I was 15. I do not like foster care it’s a very broken system. Some foster parents are ok but most are not.

[@nataliegraham9552]

Great post - lots of helpful info about the placement process on the foster family side for those considering fostering or prepping for it. Thanks!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you ❤️

[@husky7985]

Do you get to see who the kids are before you accept placement or is it like a box of chocolates and more of a surprise ? Who determines how long they stay?

[@emilyann4549]

I was severely neglected as a child, but was never taken from my family. I also have epilepsy, so to have a child is automatically considered a high risk pregnancy. So I've been looking into adopting or fostering. I'm worried though that my own trauma from childhood would make me a bad foster or adopt parent. I don't want to trigger a child or find myself triggered by a child who has the same behaviors I showed when I was younger. On the other hand, I might be great because I can understand to some degree what they are going through and try to teach/ show them things I've learned to cope. I don't know, any one have any advice?

[@monicagrabham9059]

I wonder if getting some counselling for yourself would be a good first step in exploring these ideas. You’ve obviously given it a lot of consideration but I wonder if a professional might help guide your thoughts. Also, perhaps start the process of getting the training for foster care and that training may help you with this big decision. All the best and God bless you.

[@Em_Powell_KC]

I don't know your health, but I am an epileptic mom to 2 boys! My neurologist was great and showed us I am only 1% more at risk than any other mom in general! Due to my medication, I did go on very high folate because my medication puts a baby at high risk for spina bifida. Though if your epilepsy is uncontrollable and you are regularly losing consciousness that can certainly be a high-risk issue. I would definitely seek medical help and counseling. No parent is ever truly ready or without their own issues, but if you already know you have some big struggles, address those first as much as possible. Neither of my children has any epilepsy-related needs, we have done speech therapy but that is not related to my health, but a very common need for kids.

[@tamarae.1389]

The fact that you worry says volumes! I'm a foster parent who had a traumatic childhood in care and out myself. The trauma we endured can make us more empathetic and understanding. Do not let your past stop you from helping kids who need it!

[@Wife14Mom17]

One per week! I’m in Delaware County. When I was licensed for about 2 years I only got one call about every 4 months. Our age range was 0-2 but the calls were for ages newborn-8 years. Someone we did training with wanted teens. It look over a year for her to get a placement.

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Lots of factors to consider. It isn't black and white. But unfortunately, so many licensed foster caregivers only want "the young ones" and therefore, yes, it takes awhile. For older kids, it's all about how to stay consistent with school.

[@andhereiam]

i think that it helps that the child wont know the behind the scenes of the case woeker trying to place the child. The child never has to know exactly how many times a call was made and the family said no. But to take a child and realize mid-way, that is hard for a child and strrssful for the foster family who wanted to make it work but for whatever reason found themselves unsuccessful

[@Sparkl4860]

So informative. Thank you for sharing.

[@puntjepuntpuntje]

i apreciate you always concider whats best for the child AND you're own family. if you say in you're enthousiasme yes in the first place and after some more thinking can you still take you're yes back (if they are not already in you're home)

[@amberkidd9801]

My parents live in Bondhill right next to Norwood

[@mikaylabrow5548]

In the future after I’m done with college I want to adopt i know to become a foster parent the process is lengthy but is it like that for adoption will I need to take classes and get some sort of license? Also I love your videos!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

For us, the process was parallel. We may have had a few extra steps along the way but I think most of the extra work is on the backend with casework paperwork

[@j.canales3550]

I'm currently in nursing school and we do our clinicals in hospitals. I didn't know that kids would just be dropped off at a mental hospital whenever the foster parents could not or simply didn't want to deal with the child's behavior anymore. I honestly say and think if you're not ready to deal with all the emotional problems they're coming from, please don't get involved. It takes a lot to take care of a foster child, that involves doctors appointments, psychotherapy and much more. This particular case broke my ❤, we interact with the patients and this particular patient was just dropped off because foster mom did not want to deal with the behavior anymore because of other placements at home. This situation made it worse for patient. We don't give up in our kids and foster kids should be taken as our own. Let the child know you're not giving up on them that easily, give them love, attention, support and have lots of patience for what they are going through. It's not easy to be taken away from your family and be placed at a strangers home. Be there for the child 100% and be mindful of not taking any other child/children if you already have a group of siblings and don't have the time or patience to take another placement. I am a mother and I went through a situation with one of my kids. I never left my child alone, we worked it out together as a family with love and psychotherapy and lots of patience. For a long time I took my child to even 3 appointments with psychologist per week but I never gave up. There's hope in many kids and we have to make an impact in their lives. I wish I could have taken the child in my home, but I would probably have contributed to the pain of feeling neglected since I don't have much time because of nursing school. I am considering becoming a foster parent in the future when I can assure I'm able to be there 100% and contribute to the child's emotional support. I wish you the best and always put the child first even if that means I can't take him/her in my home.

[@susanfudge1737]

It varies by state but not too difficult for fostering. You take a few classes. They do a background check and a home visit. In Georgia, they do not like pit bulls, Rottweilers, or any other aggressive dogs. Must have vaccines even for cats.

[@piquantes]

Curious about what happens when a child gets apprehended by Child Welfare. You mentioned there’s not much info on them. Do they just get picked up? Do parents let them go willingly?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Honestly, we don’t have a lot of info on that just yet.

[@saml815]

I feel like that's heavily going to depend on the situation. Like they might have some info on the child if there was already an open case (for example, if the parents were given a certain amount of time to change what was wrong, then the child has probably already been interviewed by Child Services), but if the parents are getting arrested or it's a severe case then I'd imagine they just take the child immediately.

[@lissaw4]

I was removed by CPS (as well as several of my close friends), have several friends that are social workers, and have previously worked with kids who were removed from a parent's custody; so I can share the usual process. However, I just want to be sure I understand your question. You're asking what occurs when a child is removed from the custody of a parent while they are living with that parent, correct? Sorry, just want to be sure as you said apprehended (which means arrested for a crime) and could be asking something entirely different.

[@amymenjivar3489]

Agree with Sam L that if the child is known to the agency, there *may* be more info. But, think about how quickly info can get lost. If I understand what she said in the video with county and agencies, you might have county workers investigating, they might call their county to report they are removing which starts the chain of contact to the agencies who have foster/resource families to take a child and then matchmakers in each agency relaying info to the families. Info gets lost, twisted etc. Usually when workers determine they will be removing a child they go in and get out as quickly as possible to reduce additional trauma to the child. There may be police presence. This is one of the worst days for the biological parents. They may not be reacting well. That is why they aren't stopping to pack bags, get the kids favorite toy etc. Some biological parents are helpful and will pack bags, formula, bottles etc. On the calls they typically state age, gender, sometimes race. I've had kids that show up w/wrong ages but have had foster friends get kids of a different gender. That can make a difference if kids share rooms etc. Placement is usually chaotic. Then, they have a court hearing the next day...a little more info trickles in...if it is determined the child is staying in care, usually more info trickles in. Maybe you connect with regular pediatrician. It's a trickle...and workers decide what they want to share with you.

[@LaurenCarducci]

you guys are the best I love your channel

[@amandakesterson224]

If you were willing, I'd be really interested to see a video about resput (not sure how it is spelled but temporary care while the normal foster parents take a break) care. My fiance and I are getting married soon and in about a year we expect our home will settle down enough where we could start putting our foot in the door to being foster parents. I'm curious to learn a little more basic information like general requirements and how long the process is for that which I know is subjective to where you live, but I haven't found any good basic overviews.

[@cathydiane2558]

I feel like you could be the queen of an army of space cowboys

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I don’t understand the comment but I love this comment.

[@susansgalaxy2219]

Your the best foster parents. Sending love

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Not the best, but we do our best

[@thekruserskruse5513]

You guys are amazing would love to chat with u guys sometime

[@meraleecrowl2545]

Saying no to a placement call can be so difficult, especially when it's something I'm going back and forth on. Ultimately, I have to remind myself that is better for the child if I say no up front than if I say yes, then have to disrupt the child because of my inadequacies.

[@NintenDub]

Whitney, your a great person. Silly fun.gorgeous. Your laugh is contageous You drink monsters 😆 I'm not one for jealousy, but johns a lucky guy. And above all you got a great heart. Huge respect for fostering, and putting yourself out there like that. Cheers!

[@theunlimitedsimmer5001]

I'm in cincinnati I will definitely check it out

[@kendalljane9625]

If you ever adopt a child or if a child you fostered turned 18 and was comfortable with it would you show their faces on the channel at that point?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Yes, depending on the situation.

[@gracieskywalkergirl14]

How do i get remove from my home and get put in foster care or a foster home?

[@bethanyknepper8552]

Hi, are you alright? Why do you want to be removed from your home?

[@gracieskywalkergirl14]

@@bethanyknepper8552 I have abusive adopted parents and they neglect me control me my life a lot so much my bff is scared to come around or hangout with me you can even ask her she will say the same thing i been sexually harassed by my adopted mom i can give you my social media and we can talk more about it on there Ms. Bethany

[@gracieskywalkergirl14]

@@bethanyknepper8552 I never feel safe or happy anymore in my home right now

[@blowitoutyourcunt7675]

I hope you found help, hugs!

[@jennifergraceh]

You’d have to either contact CPS yourself by calling the hotline number in your county or tell a teacher/guidance counselor who will then make a report. I hope you are okay, honey ❤

[@jessicawesselmann5300]

This is an off topic question but I couldn't find any information about it online. I want to become a foster parent but I also want to own a lot of animals including dogs of "aggressive" nature. Obviously, I would never have a human aggressive dog in the home with children but can I be denied the chance to foster for just owning a Rott or Pitbull?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Ask your county, it may be a restriction but it also may not. Hard to tell.

[@nicolen4868]

What childcare do you provide for Older teens in the summer? Those that can’t attend daycare or camps.

[@susanfudge1737]

In Georgia, the YMCA is usually used for summer and after school care. I was going to send my kids to a Y camp until I realized the profanity used by these kids. I'm not a snob but I raise my kids not to use profanity.

[@brooklynncrowder1998]

I just watched a video and this is totally off topic, but when an older child comes into your home do you (or would you) allow them to go to church/ continue in their religion or choose a religion?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Freedom to practice their religion or lack of religion is built into our agency’s policies but regardless, it’s how we operate.

[@kellypat125]

Another channel that has fostered (Crazy Middles) said that pretty much all their foster kids not only were not religious but many had never even been to church.

[@brooklynncrowder1998]

@@kellypat125 I watch them too! They are mormon and i’ve heard them say that they do make their kiddos go to church but they don’t have to “participate” in the religion

[@TreasureChest0806]

And it may be for safety reasons too that they don’t want to leave them home alone.

[@kellypat125]

@@brooklynncrowder1998 yeah they have to go to church but not join. They said in a video Weston didn't want to be with them because of the church rule but ended up loving it and joining the church. (Edited this)

[@nicolehunter3599]

Would you take in an LBGT teen? A lot of them sadly get kicked out :(

[@gretchen7675]

they have said in other videos that they are completely open to that!

[@nicolehunter3599]

@@gretchen7675 awesome :D

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

YES YES YES YES!!! We actually got a call for one today and they ended up with another family and it broke my heart because I knew we would be able to support them and love them and provide an environment where they would feel the acceptance they deserve.

[@nicolehunter3599]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity aww, you guys are so sweet 🥺

[@kellsliving3220]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity this is what i like too see ❤️❤️❤️🤞🏿

[@dawnandy7777]

Foster care is a broken system, but it's better than the alternatives. It's only because of caring people like yourself that it works at all. But all kids in foster care are "special needs." If only for the trauma that they've experienced with separation from loved ones. I think attachment parenting is the best "therapy." But I don't know how this can be done in foster care, a home that isn't permanent. (I'm surprised that you were even considered for a child that was older than children that were already in the home. This is usually a showstopper in Canada.)

[@m0rbidm0mma]

How do you get close to kids then just let them go so easily? I wouldn't be able to do it!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

When you love and care for a kid, you’re excited and elated even when you see their family come back together.

[@alexisatuatara570]

How long do you guys have to make a decision on a placement? Are you usually given a few days to think it over or does it usually happen fast enough that there’s only really a few hours to make a decision?

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Hours or minutes... usually, I talk to john IMMEDIATELY after the call and then we respond right away.

[@MimiDaler]

I think it's understandable that you might say no or say yes and in hindsight think no. It's understandable that you look forward to providing a child with stability and guidance no matter how temporary, if you didn't feel like that then you wouldn't be the best family for this role. I want to tell you though, I am a long time viewer and also a mother of a teen who has extra needs and I think that you are more than well equipped to cope with the extra needs side of things. If anything happened to me, I could only hope that my child would receive support from somebody like you and John. I guess what I'm saying is also don't underestimate your capabilities and remember that if you ever needed to bounce things off somebody who understands you've got an audience who can help ❤️

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Thank you. I hear you. I guess because of our job responsibilities, the channels, our kids right now... we were hesitant to jump in with the specific needs that were disclosed. However, we are open depending on what the needs are and if we feel that we can handle it. Appreciate you

[@froggielovelove]

With so many schools online, how do foster kids handle changing backgrounds/foster parents coming on camera? Seems like it could invoke a lot of questions from other school kids.

[@KM-ye9so]

This is one reason why some teachers (including myself, though I am still a student teacher technically) don't require kiddos to turn cameras on. Equity and privacy matter. Not every student lives in a home they wish to publicly show (for many reasons). If I need students to have a camera on for a specific reason, that's different, but unless I am told by admin or an advising teacher (at this point) that I must have students turn on cameras, I let them decide that. Heck, as a student, there are days that I don't want to put my camera on, so I try as much as I can to extend students that grace.

[@Js-mh9ht]

Would u take a older kid that has like T1D

[@kellsliving3220]

what i miss ??

[@cs4887]

You said the child would be the same age of your child. I have read that foster/adopted kids should ideally be about 2 years younger

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Not true

[@cs4887]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity maybe it's a suggestion for foster parents given in the UK

[@ItsJustRoseLove]

Your eyes kinda look like two different colors like the left looks green and the right looks blue

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

They kind of are, I have a couple of brown streaks in one that make it look green.

[@melissagreen1117]

❤️

[@LilyAlcee]

Look at your hair!!!

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I hope that’s a good thing lol

[@LilyAlcee]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity Hahaha yes!! Absolutely!

[@Michelle-dh5gs]

Can I just say they’re not “special needs child” they’re children with special needs x

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Absolutely, I misspoke. Thanks for bringing that up. I'll be better next time.

[@jmichael6965]

so basically you're going to the office..

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

This is definitely not an “office” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jmichael6965]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity shower, get dressed, leave house, work not in bedroom. UNACCEPTABLE!

[@KM-ye9so]

@@jmichael6965 You don't know the exact situation. We know that Whitney and family have followed mask rules, etc., so I'm sure she is still following guidelines to keep herself and others safe. Unless you know every factor at play in a situation, please don't make blanket statements. You do not know that how she is working is unsafe or unacceptable. Everyone is doing the best they can during this pandemic, but not everyone can always be home for many reasons (I say this as someone who has literally only left the house once this year, but does understand the need others have to get out a little bit.)

[@jmichael6965]

@@KM-ye9so oh I'm not commenting about covid or anything, just how you would still have to leave the house to work, which I'm permanently over lol

[@gunillaholmberg6506]

@@KM-ye9so Everyone is not doing the best they can during this pandemic! 😢

[@brooklynncrowder1998]

whattt i’m first

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

Welcome to the early viewing party!!

[@OrchestralOrg]

*you sound like you were manufactured in a youtube voice manufacturing facility.*

[@BeTheVillageCommunity]

I don’t know how to take this 🤣

[@OrchestralOrg]

@@BeTheVillageCommunity *you have "youtube voice" which is a performance voice. a lot of people do it from youtube to newscasting, doctors and nurses to police. humans employ this sort of signature voice thing and it always leaves me wondering why they sacrifice their own voice for something unnatural. don't worry, i'm the minority opinion on the matter. nobody else cares. LOL!*

[@elizabethmorgan7142]

So happy to see another video!