Why You Have No Friends... | Simon Sinek

[@TheDiaryOfACEOClips]

📺 Watch the full episode here - kzbin.info/www/bejne/f2S6hpx6ba2MpJo&ab_channel=TheDiaryOfACEO

[@courtneyjoy5470]

I think we're all too scared to bother other people. We don't want to appear needy or hard work. Makes making close friendships difficult.

[@percyb8268]

Absolutely!!

[@Boababa-fn3mr]

True

[@anstedjoseph1643]

Perhaps we know deep down that if we call and ask for help, they'll say no. And if they say no, we would be forced to perhaps rethink that friendship. Not asking for help allows us to maintain the 'friendship' even though they might not be really good friends at all.

[@mamamememoo]

Yes. I struggle with bothering people. 😢 I grew up being told by my mum to not disturb her. This is why I have learned to be alone.

[@thefirm4606]

@@anstedjoseph1643this is so true ❤

[@jaioxung]

I heard a great line in a song recently: "You don't make friends, you recognize them".

[@serenevision1831]

Share the title please 😊

[@jjjinx1414]

@@serenevision1831 Hiatus Kaiyote is the band, its on their latest, song is "make Friends". Great tune and great band! was surprised to see this here

[@shadeofheresy]

In honesty, I don't agree with that at all. Friendships are built over time with effort.

[@Theripepear]

​@@shadeofheresy First you need to recognize who you want to try to do that with

[@l.w.paradis2108]

💯

[@polarbear111000]

My two children are both grown adults now. 23 and 20 years old respectively. They are both still living at home, but they pretty much live their own lives. We don't eat together, do activities together etc. anymore. We used to go skiing, wakeboarding, etc., but they have their own lives now. Recently I have found myself feeling very "empty", and I realized that a lot of it has to do with the fact that, for the last two decades, my life, and my wife's life, have been revolving predominatly around our children's needs, and now that they don't need us so much anymore, or really don't have much interest in "hanging out" with us, there is a void. Similar to the "service" issue Simon identifies. What I have found is, the more I help them with things like car repairs, university, car insurance, etc., I feel more fulfilled. I had thought that the whole idea was to get them to 18 years of age and set them loose, just like my wife and I did back in the 80s, but times have changed, and it seems harder for kids to make their way. Anyway, I guess my point is, the whole "empty nest" feeling (even though they still haven't physically left "the nest") is very much in line with the loss of "service". He's right. If you can find a way to provide assistance, whether it is to your children, a friend, or a complete stranger, your life becomes more meaningful. It's like Christmas, remember? It's better to give than to receive. As you grow older, nothing could be more true.

[@theresamcghee8362]

Sure I agree and I too try to help my children 19 and 18..but i urge you to help.yoirself more. Your children are far too old to be helped by daddy really as they will become horrible adults....sorry to say but I've met big kid adults that were looked after much more than they should have been and feel entitled to preferential treatment from everyone....basically narcissistic dick heads. All the best with it...get them to do all the housework , cooking, shopping for example....they should be looking after you now x

[@angeladawn805]

My boys are a similar age to yours, and a similar scenario. My (nearly) 20 year old has only just learnt to drive (required for his new job) - and this morning he text me that he made the hours drive, in the depths of winter, on rural roads, in the dark, safe and sound. I'm both relieved and also recognise that my trainee linesman son, is a man. My new role is "housekeeper" /cook

[@naluswatasharifah6831]

We find solice in talking to Allah (God) about our problems on top of talking to friends

[@nig3ldoug1as63]

Sometimes I try talking to God (not Allah) for reassurance. While he sometimes has all the answers I need, on other occasions he fails to respond. What's that all about?

[@benjammin365]

@@naluswatasharifah6831there’s no God but Jesus Christ. Allah is dead

[@karynstouffer3562]

I have one friend. He's my husband. I have had loads of acquaintances, some really good ones, but friendship and I don't get along. Because I am a great listener, very empathetic and am capable of giving good advice and willing to help, I seem to attract only those who need to "unload" their worries and problems. I have blood relatives, but not "real" family. I have been abandoned. And I'm okay with that.

[@molassescricket6663]

What would happen if you lost your husband? What if you find yourself alone at 60? What if you find yourself alone at 60 after having no one for say, 10 or 15 years? I only ask because I’m 63 and have had NO ONE for years. No friends, no family. I’ve been living with 6 herniated disc’s and a spinal cord injury for 21 years. Being alone and being disabled is no fun. If you lose your husband then what? I had a wife, but she was an abusive person, diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder. She was no friend to me, let alone a wife. Those who have true friends and family that cares are truly wealthy and blessed. Being alone when you’re young or middle aged is one thing, but if you accept that now, how do you think you will feel in 20 years? Think about it.

[@lamusica1592]

@@molassescricket6663 I'm a carer for my partner who has a disability and have witnessed first and secondhand the discrimination he's been through, its opened my eyes and I've been genuinely shocked and appalled. I'm sorry your experience has been like this, I hope you don't mind if I ask you, what should be different, what kind of services or things could help in this situation?

[@alankritakaushal]

That is so me.

[@karynstouffer3562]

@@molassescricket6663 I have thought about it. If he goes first, I will quickly follow. No hesitation. Yes, I know that's not a good mindset, but it's the truth. I'm not going to beg anyone to pay attention to me. I refuse to be the one who always reaches out first. If no one reaches out to me, then they have proven themselves. I will not force myself into their lives. If they wanted me there, I would have been invited. I haven't been invited. 🤷

[@Bunny11344]

Ooo I was just going to say my best friend is my boyfriend. Now that I’m older, I’m more introverted and I don’t put in the effort to maintain connection or friendships after gym and working. I just don’t have the energy. Plus it takes a while to really trust someone

[@immortaljanus]

I had a friend. When I was let go at work, I called him. He said "I'm busy." and didn't bother to call for another 4 months. At that point, I told him "We are no longer friends."

[@Nikos169]

The difference between a friend and an acquaintance

[@danielle1103]

Good for you!!

[@SnoopyReads]

Friends can literally ruin your life with gossip and other BS...I'm in my 40s and I'd rather play on my phone than interact with other people who are just waiting to cause drama and disrupt my life then bounce

[@adambritain5774]

With this attitude, you’re my kinda friend. I don’t have many friends at all, and no true ones that i could completely rely on regardless, and it’s because none of them meet a basic standard which i have.

[@frankyu6984]

You were never friends, just buddies.

[@aj2291]

I had a friend whom I called and texted at the lowest point in my life. He then said “you always call me and rant when things are bad in your life.” He forgot that I also was there for him when he was ranting. I don’t think we were ever true friends, it was a friendship of convenience. It’s important to know who is NOT your friend and not expect much from them.

[@guru47pi]

Devil's advocate: did you two talk when good things happened? Did you do fun things together, or just call each other when you were both down?

[@Frue_denFrie]

I ended up having to dump a "friend" who only called me when she had trouble. I felt like her trash can, and told her to get a therapist, and go there with her struggles, and call me if she wanted to do fun stuff. That did not happen, so the "friendship" had to end

[@MatthewOlson]

​@@Frue_denFrie, but then what you wanted was not true friendship. Friends are there for more than just fun times. This isn't a personal attack or anything. I was just compelled to respond to that because I have personally witnessed truly sickening abandonment of a depressed person with similar logic used for the excuse.

[@TheOrignalTRockz]

Friends who are like that - there when you need them, happy for you when you have reason to be happy - who several times got told what great friends they are - often are lonely. They give what they seek. What they hope to get in return. What they hope someone would do for them in return.

[@MrWill-ng8dg]

They understand that the world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are a loving, friendly, and helpful person, the world will reflect love, friendship, and help. At the risk of sounding cliche, we all must be the change we wish to see.

[@TheOrignalTRockz]

That would be nice. Unfortunately narcissism is on the rise and those people who are great friends don’t get back what they give very, very often, for narcissists are a bottomless hole one can never fill and that gives back nothing. They only pretend to be great and warm people when you meet them, but then it’s gone and only comes back when they feel like losing you. It’s never a good, mutual friendship, but always .transactional and about what‘s in it for them. How useful you are. How much validation, support and supply they can drain from you.

[@MrWill-ng8dg]

@@TheOrignalTRockz It works the same for everyone. Sensible people won't entertain a narcissist for very long. The world is also a great mirror for the narcissist reflecting their actions back at them.

[@TheOrignalTRockz]

@@MrWill-ng8dg Unfortunately, that’s wishful thinking; their victims feel trapped and get hooked due to the unforeseeable „rewards“ in form of little bits of the former so called love bombing phase and their future faking lies and promises. You want to believe in a world where justice comes to everyone and only good behavior will succeed - but that’s not how it is. Whoever is in a position of power knows this. Dig into narcissistic abuse to understand the issue. Especially covert narcissists, cultural narcissists, social and educational narcissists are hard to spot.

[@bellaluce7088]

@@TheOrignalTRockz If you haven't seen it yet, Doctor Ramani's channel about narcissism has been so helpful to me! I grew up with a narc so inadvertently attracted lots of users (and some good people : - ) before figuring out that I have to consciously be less agreeable and flexible than my nature to ward off such predators. Now I consciously look for signs of instinctive reciprocity and empathy and if folks ain't got it, no matter how interesting they are I force myself to gray rock and be "busy" 'til they fade away in search of easier prey. May all the kindhearted people find equally kindhearted friends! 😃❤

[@GalateeaSferelor]

My mother has such a friend as Simon talked about, my dad died 2019 and one of my mom's friends calls my mom every day at around 6 p.m. ever since, every single day just to talk to her for a couple of minutes. And the most amazing thing was one day when she tried to reach my mom a few times and she didn't pick up so her friend called me and asked me to check on my mom because she was not picking up and she started to worry. My mom was fine, but I was sooooo grateful to her friend for caring so much. I am so grateful for this person who is such a good friend to my mom. I also feel that her care and love for my mom are also a care and love for me. I don't feel alone in looking after my mom after my dad passed away.

[@thetravelingfoodshow]

The calling a friend in times of hardship every day is absolutely beautiful. I dont have that level of friendship with any1.

[@Ex_877]

Few do, even fewer are genuine about it.

[@appsbroadhurst5500]

Be that friend to others and the world will welcome you in.

[@AnnAgurkis]

I couldn’t listen after he called thighs an organ; maybe the whole muscular system is an organ according to what some scientists are saying but specifically the thighs? It seems that it’s the whole muscular skeletal system being strong This guy is not up to par with your usual guests

[@GeminiPlatypus]

​@@AnnAgurkisbroooo. Thighs are an organ like England is a city

[@James_36]

@@appsbroadhurst5500 those people are the ones who will get used to death and become bitter. People are out there using others like crazy.

[@focusedallday5620]

Exactly! I have a group of friends who come over for UFC/Boxing fights every other Saturday that are closer to me than the own family members. I moved 2.5hrs away and my boys would come see me on schedule. Your friendships are like relationships, they require maintenance. Stay Focused!

[@kk65275]

that’s beautiful 🙂

[@katherinemitropoulos1516]

The Greek word for friend is "φιλία" (filia), which is one of the highest forms of love. Socrates said if you have one true friend in life, you are extremely lucky if you have two, you are blessed by the Gods because a true friend will give their life for you. There are very few friends like that.

[@stavokg]

Agreed! A wise teacher of philosophy said basically what you said, that it’s almost impossible to have more than 6 true friends, that we are fortunate to have one true friend. Also, when the guest said he could tell 4 friends of his successes-and they would be happy for him- there’s a good chance (based on odds) that a few are actually acquaintances, rather than true friends.

[@booksmeanyway235]

I do ask people how are they. I keep up with them. I had depression since I was 12 (not diagnosed at the time), so I know what "alone" means. So I'm very aware of how I am with others, and try to not be clingy but also not too distant. But if I don't start conversation nobody does. If I need someone noone comes. Like after my last baby was born, I moved back were "friends" lived. I needed someone. I felt so alone and overwhelmed and asked a few people to come just to eat cake and talk about whatever they wanted. I told them "look I need you, I'm not good." Only two people came, once. None of them call me or write to me after. I think they "had to" come and they felt that one and only visit was good enough. Some "friends" never came. I was left alone by everybody. It has been like this for ever. I was never part of any group. I was friends with everybody and everybody came to me for advice. I new everybody's secrets and they new I could be trusted. But still not a "regular" in any group. They would go out without me all the time and never ever came to my house. As an adult it has been the same. At 15 the panic attacks and anxiety started, none of them know. At 25 my anxiety was so bad I was terrified of going outside. Then social anxiety enters the chat 🙄 I'm alone and scared of people. Not a good combination. A few years ago I started to let my little sister be my friend. She is 35 now so is not that little, but I'm 44 so I always saw her like "little"and never thought of asking her help. I thought I was the one that had to help her. Unfortunately we live in different Countries and can't see eachother often. She doesn't know how bad things are. She knows I'm not always ok, but I cannot bring myself to tell her how much, really. It sucks. Very hard.

[@L.RheaHarley]

Thank you for sharing this- I relate to it a lot myself. It gives me peace, in a way, to know that I’m not the only one out there who is struggling with this. And at the same time it makes my heart hurt to know there are so many people out there experiencing the same. I hope things get better for you 💔

[@DiniMoonstarr]

I’m with you ladies, a life time of it, 46 years so far. It is very hard. But we are not alone, remember there are people who understand.

[@MatthewOlson]

I'm truly sorry. ❤️

[@YouMe-mf7ed]

I am that friend that would call to everyone, but I never get called back... 😢 I'm used to it at my age. Im just doing my deed anyway because I care for all my homies

[@thatomofolo452]

😢

[@YouMe-mf7ed]

@thatomofolo452 it sucks but I have a small group of people (5 total) who I consider close friends, so yea... 🤷

[@amarbyrd2520]

🫂

[@jeremiahwilliams5747]

Then I'd stop calling.

[@GeminiPlatypus]

​@@JohnPretty1so helpful telling someone who's chosen to be vulnerable and open up that they're playing the victim. You're truly helping society with you're invaluable wisdom John.

[@RicoLamar987]

As a former popular person, I personally find that having less friends keeps more peace & lessens anxiety. Dealing with soo many personalities and everyone’s quirks & idiosyncrasies & adjusting accordingly is a lot. Clubbing & dealing with drunk friends is ALSO a lot. Then friends sleeping with each other & the awkwardness of that. Omg! Lol a cup of tea & a quiet evening reading a book. Now that’s more like it 😂

[@foxfiregal]

Libra ♎️ placements?

[@KOMET2006]

That probably works for you, @RicoLamar987. But if you're an introvert, it's altogether different. In a world made for extroverts, we introverts have to struggle to be heard and recognized - in the workplace and in our personal lives.

[@deborahwiener5636]

Unfortunately I grew up with narcissists so I was a magnet for them and chose them because they felt familiar. Therefore, just letting the communal narcissist non- friend go; knew 32 years, I feel sad and alone that I didn’t know what I know now. I now have space for attracting healthy relationships.

[@jakelindsay522]

So proud of you :)

[@kni9ght]

Good for you,I have been around a lot of them and if you don’t try, you let them steal your happiness

[@Missgevious]

I went thru the same. I’ve had so much difficulty with attracting kind deep friendships as a result because it’s so foreign

[@hope42]

We don't call because we don't want to bother people.

[@sonja7halcyon]

And we don’t want to be rejected in our most vulnerable moment.

[@Al-hp7lq]

Change your circle if your 'friends' make you feel like that. Change your perspective if it's you who feels like that.

[@thefirm4606]

It’s not bothering them, it’s the rejection that you are not important enough to make time for. That’s not a friend.

[@peterhuber1702]

@@thefirm4606 You've got it exactly right - when you reach out and you get that response from the people you think are your friends over and over and over, you stop trying.

[@latashascott3503]

Not a friend

[@sonja7halcyon]

I think good friends are rare, because people who have either gone to therapy or were raised by good parents that they didn’t need therapy, are rare people. The rest of us are projecting our attachment wounds onto others. I’m a really caring, open, empathetic and nurturing person by nature, but was raised by emotionally unavailable parents who constantly misunderstood and punished my neurodivergence. Et viola! My adult relationships have been a repeat of this until I got therapy. Once I learned to see that the people I kept around me weren’t true friends not capable of being true friend, I weeded them out of my life one by one. I don’t repeat the attachment trauma with them anymore, but there is barely anyone left to connect with because everyone is walking around shitting on each other, barely anyone has gone to therapy and nobody at least has good communication skills or conflict resolution skills. It’s exhausting and lonely. You can’t just watch a podcast and decide to be a good friend, everyone knows how to be a good friend that’s not the issue, everyone is overcome by their own unresolved attachment wounds that get in the way.

[@leona2222]

100% accurate!

[@wyldarkanaoracle]

Omg are you me 😅

[@SnoopyReads]

A little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing

[@escapist502]

I appreciate this comment, very well written!

[@iks9120]

Yep, great comment.

[@rocketdive2001]

You make real friends when you’re down in the dumps and see who stays and supports you. It’s all about each person’s capacity that they allow for someone to become a friend - too many offer little but want much, also too many offer much but get betrayed or taken advantage of… it a really sad state of the world we navigate in these days.

[@nha-w5v]

It’s when I realized I hadn’t any. I lost the man I loved a few years ago, the grief was so painful, I didn’t know if I could make it. I was the kind of friend who will call you to check if you’re ok, to let everything down if a friend needed me, to help as much as I could without waiting for them to ask anything, etc.. but when I was the one who needed support, they were out of the sights. When my boyfriend passed away, so many fake friends took their SM to show fake support, and make statements like we will always be there for you and all that BS. None of them took the time to call or visit me, some were angry cause I didn’t beg them for help. I ended alone, depressed and being the only person I could lean on to lift me up. It took time, therapy, years later I’m ok but now I just don’t trust anyone and don’t believe in friendship anymore.

[@gabriela3338]

I grew up in the 80s and 90s, the decline of a true friendship is lost and gone. I remember back in the day friends had each other’s back. I’m 47 now and omg, is it hard to find someone that will see you as an equal. I feel friendships are transactional now a days, the true meaning of friendship is gone✌🏽🧡🌻

[@Sunshine20156]

Im there when i know something is wrong and there for support because I know how it feels when I need someone and no one is there. When everything is great, it’s wonderful.

[@saliha23]

I don’t have friends. During school time I have close friends but at some point I feel like I am being used. I am good when they needed me,if I am not needed they become distant. It kept going for a while then I stop talking to them and I didn’t make new ones. I always took care people around me but people want to use you. I don’t know anyone sincere.

[@norcal0076]

Sad that acts of service are lost😢

[@thatomofolo452]

😢

[@DeeBeeScribe]

I had plenty of friends when I was the one giving and taking on the labor of maintaining the friendships. The moment I stepped back and set boundaries, all of my friends (disappeared). I spent many years friendless and alone, but painful loneliness turned to strong independence and healthy solitude. These days, I'd rather be alone or with my wife. It's hard for me to answer the phone unless it's a select few people.

[@Lili4Yah]

Friend, the one that is happy for my happiness, and the one that give me a shoulder to cry on. 🌷

[@Eag757]

A great friend will be there to lift you up when you have no job, help each other you learn skills, hold on until you are back in track with your goals.

[@Mat_Gallusman]

So many people are egocentric. So difficult to interact.

[@Bunny11344]

Exactly and u don’t know what their ulterior motives they could use your vulnerability against you

[@fineartlifestyling]

This is the ultimate truth

[@danielle1103]

Yes!!!! Very narcissistic!

[@sharajackson2129]

Agree,its mostly a one way street.

[@knixps4564]

I had friends from highschool. We still are friends to this day. We are carving our own paths but once in a while we meet on our paths and its like we are still those highschoolers 20 years ago. We still talk about the funny past like it was yesterday, and the thinga we overcame as friends.

[@bellaluce7088]

A great tip about meeting potential friends that I got from Ellen Hendriksen's excellent book How to Be Yourself is to join a class or activity you're interested in anyway that meets regularly with the same people. She says research shows we tend to become friends with people we have physical proximity to over time (neighbor, roommate, classmate, work colleague, fellow volunteer, sports teammate, etc.). Talking to people in increments before, during, or after the activity offers lower-stress opportunities to interact and naturally segue to a longer chat (or beverage or meal, etc.) if an affinity is revealed. And if not, you still got to pursue an interest! 😃

[@maria-lena5919]

With age, making friends gets more difficult. I've always made the effort to make & sustain new & older friendships but I find others don't reciprocate. Eventually, I give up as it gets exhausting. Friendships are like plants 🪴 a little bit of water & sunshine 🌞 can help nurture & keep them alive. If not, they die.

[@edenicity]

7:27 "mass transportation" -correction: private cars, streets, parking, driveways, vast empty spaces around highway interchanges, green strips and setbacks. Together these occupy 50% to 80% of urban areas, doubling the distance between us and making walking less feasible. Mass transportation carries 10-30x more people per lane. Cities with less car infrastructure and more mass transit have more space for housing, parks, shops, etc., making them more walkable.

[@KirstinCronje]

“The only way to have a friend is to be one”… Emerson

[@darthdurkelthewise320]

As long as my thighs get me to my wife and kids I’m good. Those folks are my best and quite possibly my only actual friends. They are here now and will always be until the end and that fills me with joy.

[@alexwilding1]

Love this guy and the way he thinks and expresses his points 🙏

[@HolyLoveQuest]

Awesome! I really loved everything that was said in this clip, very inspiring, very compassionate and human. Act of service ☑

[@mariadaly4673]

Going through an awful period in my life and nervous to reach out i decided to contact one friend for help to be told "im in a really good place right now so ill leave you to yourself" i was devastated and felt so bloody stupid for reaching out. I subsequently ceased all contact and blocked her. At that moment my heart literally snapped. I have totally given up on friends nobody is ever there when you need them but abuse your trust when they need you.

[@devorahacts]

My older friends seem to implicitly know at least part of this. My young friends will unload their problems on me quite a bit but they don't call for fun and won't come to events with me that I suggest only now and then what they want to do. My older friends go to things they are indifferent to as well as enthusiastic to just to spend time with me and I do the same. It's therapeutic.

[@andresmendizabal200]

helping me by helping others, what a message. Thanks!

[@adambritain5774]

Years and years ago Sage Francis wrote a line in a song that said “Technology makes it easy to stay in touch while keeping a distance. So we just stay distant and never touch, now all we do is text too much”.

[@TheHugoQS]

I feel attacked by the headline!

[@davidsummerville351]

Good comment 😎🤓

[@briangriggs3159]

Same! It felt personal. I immediately clicked though because it's true.

[@shamram6200]

😊✔️

[@rvelasquez]

Let this be a call to action then. Call up an old friend or find a hobby that you can do with other people. Something small to put you on the right path.

[@thatomofolo452]

Same 😔

[@Am-graphix]

OMG yes - being able to call someone when things go good without getting the "must be nice" or great well anyway change topic. Big yes on mobility. Lack of mobility majorly makes a diff on getting out to see friends.

[@jericho2619]

Friends are worse than enemies.

[@Eigenheimer00]

"Thick thighs save lives." - Simon Sinek

[@Frue_denFrie]

He labeled thighs as "organs" 🤣🤣🤣

[@Frue_denFrie]

And he is wrong because the gluteus maximus - the ass, is more important for posture and movement, than the thighs. So he should have said the heart, the lungs, and the ass 😂

[@phumzileqwaqwa7392]

There will always be that 1 person who intentionally misses the point to try to prove how smart they are🤦‍♂️ SMH! Apologies on his behalf teacher..

[@ampungi1]

I use to be that go to friend but I learnt the hard way. It really hurt me and I learnt to shield myself

[@mysticmom616]

How do you find your guests? You always have such interesting people on your show. Thank you so very much!!

[@davidbowman2035]

Simon shot to stardom originally with a Ted talk called 'Start with why'

[@DogofSinope]

Simon's new book "Thick Thighs Save Lives"

[@nocando89]

😂

[@guru47pi]

He's making a big leap from thighs to friendship; you need mobility for a great many things more than just walking to your friend's house. Just look at eldery people with walkers and see how hard everything becomes if you can't move. That said, the whole message is a great one. Build relationships for its own sake, and be the friend you wish you had

[@bella3636]

I hardly have any friends. I have kids to look after though. I'm serving them ❤

[@delvingmind]

I would argue that the reason we don’t have the friends through the “good times” is because people don’t share as much in the good times as they need to do during the hard times. I have friends who I only hear from when they need to purge some struggle…never to share in some joyous event. Maybe it is because I am a good listener..and people most need to be heard when they are in pain? Maybe because when we are in pain we seek sympathy…yet when in joy we feel expanded? People are more apt to share pain than joy.

[@nocando89]

The comments are far more insightful than Simon's remarks, imo. He's not good at nuance or context.

[@GeminiPlatypus]

I stopped sharing negativity with friends unless I absolutely have to because I saw the impact it had on someone I loved Some people need to be humbled to learn they have a negative impact on people

[@jessjenkins5474]

I feel I lack the skills I used to have of communication. I get stuck not knowing what to talk about with people. Face to face communication is definitely a skill to be on top of

[@nataliaalfonso2662]

Talk about everything happening around you. And all the books you’ve read and news stories you’ve seen and movies you’ve watched.

[@BecomeAForce]

What is a friend? That word is thrown around without a clear definition of what it means. People unknowingly have different definitions and understandings of what being a “friend” means. If two or more people don’t share the same definition of what a friend is then that friendship is likely at jeopardy because they’re have different expectations of each other

[@BecomeAForce]

I just saw that they attempted to address this question. One of the reasons they couldn’t form a conclusive answer is because there is no universal definition for what a friend is

[@kni9ght]

Well arguments and discourse comes from not having a clear definition, this is the first step to being to understand each other

[@focusedallday5620]

Very true. The faster you figure out their definition the faster you can place them in the appropriate category of importance. Stay Focused !

[@Khali2K]

We don't call people when we are depressed because we've learned the hard way they will not show up when we need them or in the way we need them... So we are forced to look elsewhere & oftentimes elsewhere means nowhere and the loneliness experienced there is dangerous. I don't think is wrong for people to seek to post things on social media. It's literally a scream for help, support, attention, care. We just need to understand we've become that crappy as humans that we only pay attention to our inner world and social media. So going to social media IS us reaching out for help & support in the ONLY way people want to give you time & attention nowadays

[@Bunny11344]

Then you need better coping skills and work thru your depression offline. That’s the cold hard truth

[@MatthewOlson]

This is the sad truth. Social media at least takes away the "I didn't know you were depressed" excuse/lie.

[@AfrocentrikQueen]

Well articulated 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 something so simple yet we struggle to do it. So many are living in isolation when they have people who love and care about them and their wellbeing. But friendships go both ways, and takes effort.

[@QueenyKay]

This short clip makes me wanna wstch the whole conversation. Well done.

[@Paraaronoid]

I have had the same group of friends for the last 30 years, having met them in my teen years in high school. They are salt of the Earth kind of people but I don't see them very often...Why? Because we are all trying to do the very best to take care of our family units: to provide for in every way, shape, and form. From working longer hours to coaching sports, to taking them on that summer camping vacation the children dream about for 10 months out of the year. I am very proud of my friend group, they are outstanding men in society. But we work very hard, and naturally, we don't see each other much.

[@justcuz9181]

Making friends is very very easy, prioritize giving over getting and you will have the most wonderful friends in life 100% guaranteed one BUT it will take time to fish out the genuine people amongst the people who received.. relationships take time to develop so invest in time

[@Apsolution1]

That doesnt mean anything

[@philippd8844]

Absolutely loved this episode :) Great guest, great conversation.

[@leona2222]

The test of a real friend is if they will be there when you need more than just moral support.

[@frankyu6984]

Like $20?

[@loboahriman7680]

Having good friends comes with maturity and without expectations. You have to understand that sometimes we will fall out of contact, that life might take us in different directions, that we are just so busy with life, family, career... and that's ok! I have a lot of friends that I don't talk to for months, even YEARS at a time. But when we do reunite, it's all love and playing catch up. Nothing but positivity and joy. That aside, all my friends know that when they are struggling, they can call me at any time and I will drop what I'm doing to lend a supportive ear. A good, uplifting, encouraging 20-30 minutes between 2 friends goes miles and miles. We might not always be in contact, but we are always in support. And knowing that in your heart is the best characteristic of a friendship. That you know for sure we are there for eachother even though we don't talk as often as we used to.

[@mattm8765]

Great advice 👍🏻 Always feels easier to help others than yourself.

[@kacyandlaura]

I try to keep making friends. People come into and out of my life over time. That’s how life goes. Most of the time it’s not personal, we just see each other less but stay friendly. We go to different gyms or they move etc. I reach out to my friends when they have hard times and when I have hard times (or just need a ride to the car shop etc.) I know I can reach out to them too. I learned to not come off too eager, that makes people think you’re desperate, that’s not attractive. Best to let it build over time.

[@focusedallday5620]

Sir with all due respect you’re the exact person he’s talking about when he’s talking “friends only there in the hard times”. I have a cousin who lives 7mins away from me but only calls me when he needs something. He never calls me to watch the game, never calls me to grab a drink, never calls me for anything but for when he needs something. Long story short he told my aunt he was upset I didn’t make him my best man and my aunt was asking me if anything had happened between us that she is not aware of. I calmly told her, “the fact that he can’t come up to me and ask me himself lets you know where we really stand”. I say that to say this, reach out to your friends for nothing else but to have a good time with them too.

[@kacyandlaura]

@@focusedallday5620 Actually I’m a woman. :) I usually see my friends a couple times a week. Not all of my friends, just a few. I make a point to see them, we plan it out. Our kids play and we chat. I have about a dozen friends that would pick me up from the ER if I needed them to and I feel very fortunate to have them as friends. We don’t always see each other because we are raising our kids around the clock. A lot of that dozen come into and out of my life, but it’s not due to lack of effort on my part. Maybe our kids don’t get along. Or they move. I do what I can. I ask them about themselves. I tell them about myself. I invite them to do things up to a point. I don’t pressure people. What else can you do?

[@kacyandlaura]

@@focusedallday5620 I’m actually a woman. :) I homeschool our 4 kids, which is a 24/7 kind of job. I get together with my friends twice a week currently, our kids play while we chat. My friendships come second because my responsibilities to my kids come first. However, I have been intentional in my friendships. I feel fortunate that I have about a dozen friends that I’m close enough to go on vacation with. I would really like to have a best friend or 2, but overall am happy that I have this many friends.

[@kacyandlaura]

@@focusedallday5620 I’m actually a woman. :) I homeschool our 4 kids, which is a 24/7 kind of job. I get together with my friends twice a week currently, our kids play while we chat. My friendships come second because my responsibilities to my kids come first. However, I have been intentional in my friendships. I feel fortunate that I have about a dozen friends that I’m close enough to go on vacation with. I would really like to have a best friend or 2, but overall am happy that I have this many friends.

[@kacyandlaura]

@@focusedallday5620 I am actually a homeschooling mom. I am blessed to see my friends a few times a week with kids in tow. We are all busy moms. If anything, I am the one to invite others to do something. What if they don’t come or reciprocate that initiative? You have to let it go. Keep it friendly.

[@SunflowerFlowerEmpire]

You have no friends because it's OK to be a loner. It's ok to not surrender your values to the mob. It's OK not to be part of an in crowd or group. It's OK to hold your own strong values. It's not ok to be alienated for being you, because your so called friends call on each other to party, and gather, and enable each other, and praise each other. But left you out because you don't do that, you show appreciation in a different way by being honest and upfront. You don't just go along with everyone and take their common denominator responses to everything. You have accountability and see perspectives that are not always sunshine and rainbows. So they leave you out because you're too real. They want to be with people who are just like them and make them feel like the main character but you don't do that. You don't see friendship as a TV show of cast members. You see friendship as work and you live in reality not fantasy.

[@markjames8070]

I fully agree 👍

[@timmoore6656]

Thank you for this.

[@FREntertainment1]

I lost all my “friends” and my “community” when i found out my husband was having an affair and wanted to separate/divorce… ( i think that was more painful and harder to understand than the betrayal of my partner of 20yrs) I did learn that what I lost was “acquaintances” and began to build my tiny “village”..

[@adrianamanta291]

To have a friend in good times and bad times is very hard because people need to work on themselves their traumas to be there for you and a lot of people they don’t even know they carry traumas. :)

[@rdm98607]

So many people aren’t friends because they only call when they have a problem. Constant self centeredness

[@Prism_ism]

It depends on who you attract.

[@ryan25jamerson77]

Your right. This world is so lonely

[@MySimDied]

I feel at 26 I just don't have the emotional capacity for new friends. I have a twin sister, my two best friends from school and my former roommate and the four of us are in constant contact through good times and bad and most likely always will be. I like everyone I work with and I'm happy to chat to people I meet, but I just don't need or want new friends, and I struggle a bit with people's expectations of me. Same goes for men, I'm just not emotionally available to strangers and would rather they left me alone. I love work from home.

[@gaypreator8547]

I don’t care if I have friends or do not have friends. What is all this friend-friend-friend malarkey of late? I in fact do not have any “friends” I know a lot of people but love being solitary.

[@Evacer]

MONEY. That’s the answer. If you can’t get money, you need money. Your friends aren’t gonna give it to you. They’re struggling too. People are trying to make money in a system intentionally designed to congest employee mobility, rip people off, and slow down the employment process. We need a jobs program so anyone who gets fired can instantly get right back to work. So the problem is simple. Just create a system of respect that isn’t based on bullshit, immobility, lies, and ripping people off.

[@anne-marieeeles2895]

I learned late that I have to ask myself who I'm comfortable opening up to. And if I don't feel comfortable being vulnerable with certain friends, why do I feel that way? It's an important question to ask. I have a long-term damaged friendship because it was one-sided; they relied on me too much, I gave for them to feel better but it made me feel worse because I didn't feel they respected me or my time. Boundaries were crossed and resentment built. I do have a trio of friends I can open up to, for the good and bad, and it feels healthier and reciprocal. Two of those people had also walked away from the same unhealthy friend.

[@moyrawallace5895]

Wow, that was really worthwhile! Thank you 🙏

[@Mischiou]

There's a lot of hatred in the world. Things even worse in times of financial struggles. Real friendship is hard to come across, IMO. It's only good and natural to help a friend, but being to kind of a friend, puts one at risk of being taken for granted by those who are mainly in the relationship for gain. Some friends can be opportunistic. It's good to give, money, a listening ear and such. Don't give it all though as you'll be left empty handed. Never expect anything in return or you might get dissapointed. Do it with ❤ I believe nowadays there's also a term called 'friends with benefits'. What does that imply? It's a noble thought of Simon to express the idealism of friends who stick together when the going gets tough. From personal experience I think it exists, but for many seems as 'wishful thinking'. In our modern society and things I witnessed 1st hand, I think that the amount of genuine love and devotion even in marriages etc. is rare if shit hits the fan. Unfortunately. As soon as people get sick, poor or for whatever reason can't do the fun things, they or their friends were used to. Friendships often end. IMO, because society has certain standards and (higher) demands and expectations. Sick and poor are considered an inconvenience and in a growing generation where things ought to be 'likeable'. What's there to like? Not to judge anyone, but just what I observe in surroundings.

[@thatomofolo452]

What a friend we have in Jesus 😌

[@lamusica1592]

Become a carer and you will soon end up with no friends. Makes life a lot less complicated though because at least you know where you stand. On the scrapheap in a world that tells you you're worth nothing if your skills are soft. Dehumanizing systems have made it like this

[@laurenmchon-lopez9865]

Very insightful!!! Thanks for sharing.

[@majicogarcia8417]

I believe someone calling you at the same time everyday for 3 months straight is harassment or maybe a telemarketer, but not a friend.

[@nlawrence323]

Commonality is a key. Common interests that you can talk about. Not the symbiosis that can happen when people bond over similar wounds ie: growing up with alcoholic parents.

[@foxfiregal]

3:33 Foul weather friends! What an eye opener 😮 (I know one - Gus)

[@rik-keymusic160]

I have no friends because they are all jealous about me, my looks my talents everything…. You’ll have friends if your at the bottom with then but when you get out of the dumpster by improving yourself, you’ll see that not many are willing to follow that .

[@shivashakti2051]

Why are we not prioritizing our relationship with our spouses just as much as prioritizing friendships? We need to have that balance in our life with having both and prioritizing both. Loyalty cannot only be given to frienships.

[@Drewzdev]

Never skip leg day

[@agphotographyis]

So what would you say to the person who is the go to person for all types of support both good & bad, helping & supporting whenever called to but doesn’t have the same in return when needed?

[@Callmesi]

Friends are overrated. Experience tells me that.

[@rosagallegos8024]

You never have a real friend

[@Matt-gf4gd]

I remember as a kid i blew off going to play with a friend and my mom told me i should go and play with them despite not wanting to because if I didn't, eventually they would stop asking me to play. Friendships require reciprocation and doing things you don't want to in hopes that they'll show up for you when you want them to even when they dont want to.

[@TL-rh1lf]

sometimes you have to water the plant

[@sanderprato6615]

Seek a friend and you'll find them few. Be a friend and they'll find you everywhere.

[@777jimothy]

1:30 because if you told work you can't go to work because you're hanging out with a friend , you'd get sacked?

[@danielledocherty2058]

I had trouble in my 20s. I lost friendships and with my background i didnt think anyone would care. So i found these friend making websites. And now i have 100s. No joke all really brilliant friendships. At least 10 of them i would die for them. And while our lives change we work out a way to see each othet or chat. And i know if the shit hit the fan i have them. They are even better than my siblings and family.

[@MGTOW_HELLRAISER]

How meet them ?

[@danielledocherty2058]

@@MGTOW_HELLRAISER joined clubs. Used websites like meetup and city social. Give it a shot. You might go to one or two and think nope. But most are great

[@stein-fredricsvendsen8530]

Im so Glad I am from the Old School. Were we hold to things that works when everything else falls apart.

[@JeeGee114]

When push come to shove they aren't there for you. Just be your own friend.

[@MT-mx7um]

Social media has killed friendships. Friendships were built without a screen. People would socialise without a screen. Nowadays if I were to start a conversation with someone, it would be weird. It’s strange: I feel relationships have been changed for the worse now.

[@JFLed]

Great Question, “What makes a good friend?”

[@wyldarkanaoracle]

Yah a lot of us millenials were raised by the Muppets, etc. and had constant reminders of true friendship. I feel like the word friend was ruined when a certain social media company started a) running it into the ground and b) changed the meaning to liking a status smh

[@Forverlost2017]

I've always been a loner and did my own thing to make myself happy. Now, at 57, i could careless about friends. They always seem to be fake.

[@rjbarbour]

Friends are people you share meals with, at each others homes, this is cause and effect.

[@Lili4Yah]

I am not sure about that. I was always cooking for "friends" with care, love and happy to served them. Once I couldn't cook because a health problem; they poof were gone. Probably wrong people?. Just convenience?. I am still cooking and giving anyway. 🌷

[@Acaiboi]

Interesting point at the end there; feels similar to the idea that giving advice as a spectator is easier than when you’re in their situation. Kinda like do as I say not as I do. Or like saying easier is said than done.

[@mitchellconnop2000]

The more people i meet..... the more i love my dog

[@duncanblade]

Problem is people assume that college and high school mates, and work colleagues are friends. They are not !

[@stoundingresults]

To me a friend is somone I can trust leaving my wallet on sight and knowing it's contents will stay there. And can trust with my car and house keys. I in turn have been trusted with such things.

[@aleenr4425]

Join a club with something that you’re interested in or a class with something you want to learn. There’s lots of opportunities to meet friends if you don’t have a lot of people at work to talk with. I have way too many friends, I wish I had less, so I’d have more time for myself lol!

[@esztieli]

I have four very close friends, many good friends and a lovely community. We often gather, eat and dance together. It’s soooo sad seeing these comments from people who feel so superior that they would rather die alone than build friendships because they are so unique and worthy so they can’t find a valueable human being outside of themself. What a sick approach to humans is this, what happened to the people??? All of my friends are different in many sense but this is the beauty of the whole concept of having friends !!!!