Don't Have Any Friends?

We often use the term “friend” loosely, introducing casual acquaintances as “My friends Lucy and John.” But what is friendship, really?
In this video, Fr. Mike uses Aristotle’s three kinds of friendship-pleasant friendships, useful friendships, and virtuous friendships-as guidelines. While all three can be good, the first two can end up being flimsy and fleeting; but the third kind, virtuous friendships, really get to the heart of what good friends are to us. They are on the same mission, they have many of the same goals, we can even kind of see another self within these friends.
Fr. Mike emphasizes the need for us to have more of these kinds of friendships, saying that if we don’t think they matter we may just be distracting ourselves from our loneliness.
Check out Fr. Mike’s newest project Quick Catholic Lessons with Fr. Mike (bit.ly/2PmpYzw), a feature-packed teacher’s guide designed to accompany Fr. Mike’s most popular videos, presented on a convenient DVD. Teachers, catechists, and youth ministers can supplement USCCB curriculum, prompt small-group discussion, and answer students’ questions easily and powerfully with this teacher’s guide and DVD.
Fr. Mike is also a presenter in these faith formation programs from Ascension:
Belonging: Baptism in the Family of God (bit.ly/2vQgGRx)
Chosen: This is Your Catholic Faith (bit.ly/2nCKKLK)
Altaration: The Mystery of the Mass Revealed (bit.ly/2vG9KX2)
YOU: Life, Love, and the Theology of the Body (bit.ly/2raspVB)
Get 18 of Fr. Mike’s best Ascension Presents videos in this exclusive DVD from Ascension:
Ascension Presents … Fr. Mike Schmitz (bit.ly/2sKUnJN)
Fr. Mike spoke at the Ascension Cafe during the World Meeting of Families. Watch him and other speakers get fired up over the gospel in the Ascension Cafe DVD (bit.ly/2sYtQaW).
MORE FROM ASCENSION:
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[@lynnehood2198]

I was married for 31 years to a man who would not be my friend. It was the most lonely experience of my life . I waited and waited and waited, then I found distractions, my children and my work and then my children grew up and I found myself running out of runway. I realized that I lived a role as a a character in in the lives of other people I leaned hard on my faith and I left that marriage. He remarried immediately and I was affirmed that I was not special. He never intended to be my friend. I filled a role in his life and I was not loved. I am so grateful that I realized it before I ran completely out of life. Now I look at everybody through the prism of friendship. I don't have enough time left to squander on meaningless enterprises. I don't wait any more.

[@sapphirestoker5555]

I love your words and your experiences, they are so profoundly deep, meaningful and special. You are awake. x

[@AzureSymbiote]

I'm sorry for your experience.

[@lynnehood2198]

Thank you...but I am grateful for the hardship...it has given me wisdom and autonomy and I am now married to a true treasure trove of a man. The church annulled the first marriage. I am free. Thanks be to God.

[@amc3450]

@@CrazyBlueBeast marriages can be strengthened over the years or can become a vacant bond, and both depend on active participation of both spouses, which i think didnt work out for Lynne. 30 years is a very long which shows that she tried. Lynne, i wish i was brave like you

[@Misana]

@@CrazyBlueBeast Some people have more grit than that...

[@robert_mn]

When I was younger, I rarely felt lonely no matter how isolated I was but as I've gotten older, I have found I desire close friendships more and more.

[@mamaspage1643]

For me it's the opposite, i desired to have a lot of friends when i was younger,now i m in my 30's.i feel better alone.most ppl trying to take advantage of me,when i dnt let them,they walk out of my life.making friends is just not my priority right now.

[@OnewholovesGod]

I feel the same way. I just think I care about other people more now that I’ve come to God. I would love to connect with people that I missed the opportunity to connect with throughout life out of apathy.

[@debbie4503]

I'm exactly opposite. The older I get, the less company I want.

[@briankelly85]

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out...

[@SUZMIC1]

brian kelly so true! And rare!!

[@clearday9525]

@brian kelly -- Love that definition.

[@Darkness-ie2yl]

I didnt even know Jon Hamm was a priest

[@joaquinmejia4717]

Very true.

[@mrsgbee8246]

Exactly .............

[@jimbobhk2009]

I don’t have any friends nearby, but I went to a catholic mass for the first time the other day. And I shook hands with those nearby when we wished each other peace. Then I spoke with Fr. Marten for about an hour after and he gave me a few books on catholic doctrines and a rosary. It meant so much to someone who doesn’t get out much. I hope I can join you guys come Easter. In the meantime I’ll practice praying the rosary like Fr. Marten said.

[@adrainavelasco8744]

Remember we do have a Best friend Guardian Angel assigned to us before we were born who Loves, protects and intercede for us every second of every hour 🕊💕😊

[@vio19848]

God bless you 🙏🏻🕊️🕊️

[@susanbourgeois523]

If your rosary becomes a struggle try changing it up. Listen to it on a podcast (relevant radio, hallow, KZbin) change the meditation... a scriptural rosary... read your way through it instead of listening and praying with it... Be blessed. Be persistent..God never leaves us but we tend to let ourselves get distracted and pulled away. He is always still there waiting for us. His Momma wants to help us find him.

[@tobit100]

I have found my best friend to be my Guardian Angel. I was bullied from grade school through high school. So I found trusting people very hard. I feel God sent the Angels to comfort me.

[@juliearuna9021]

Awe……🥰😔🥰

[@conniedetevis2119]

My Guardian Angel is my best friend too.

[@DebRoo11]

It's not good being alone

[@danielleneri4031]

This hit me. The past two days, I have been feeling so alone. I am literally the only one maintaining my friendships. I don't have people in my life who really know me.

[@Nikka230]

Me too.

[@dannyneville1310]

​@@Nikka230 Me three. We need to start a union. 😅

[@conniedetevis2119]

me four

[@carolyncullison4221]

Moved to Colorado from Virginia. I never had many friends I had epilepsy and it made me a a freak to my school mates. Went to a new school that was so friendly and I grew. I now have no friends. Seem everyone my age is connected for years. I have one friend and cherish her. Luckily my son's live here.

[@minhyuksssmile]

same

[@eileen1820]

This IS a crisis. I'm very, very happy Fr. Mike is addressing this.

[@martinkent333]

He could charm the pants off of a choirboy!

[@charityrosewalker3093]

Thank you, Fr. This month, I have lost almost everyone I knew because all of my friends were Protestants and I was drawn back to the Church and decided to park myself in Her (this time, I’m not budging!). Even the few members of my family resist my faith. I will remain faithful regardless of my losses. I’m fine, though, simply because I was slowly swarmed by ladies at my parish (and I would be a fool to deny Jesus again). Friends are important, and they will come and go, but those of substance will stick around even in dry seasons. I may be in a “drought,” but I know of a river... Blessings.

[@christinagilfedder]

Can I recommend looking into Blessed is She - a community of women in the Church who walk with each other. There is a lot of online resources but they also have meet ups and retreats. God bless you sister x

[@paulettemcwaters8557]

Another example may be that there have been betrayals in your life that make you feel hesitant to trust others.

[@melissafaulkner1083]

Paulette McWaters I was cheated on. A year of therapy and still dealing with triggers. I want to work on myself. I have puppies.

[@paulettemcwaters8557]

@@melissafaulkner1083 keep working, you can make it happen...God bless

[@paulettemcwaters8557]

Thanks I went into a severe depression, which lasted months, but joining a church group helped me to climb out. But still so so difficult to know who I can trust.

[@lexinoel7]

I've been cheated on too and he was always mean but I forgave him because he always apologized...the relationship lasted years longer than it should have. However, I guess I never recovered fully when I met a very nice guy and I feel like I really messed up my last relationship because I just could not trust him. I never accused him of anything and I made sure I didnt make him feel like I did...at lease I hope I didnt. He was just kind to me and I guess I wasnt used to that. I joke that it was probably PTSD lol 🤦‍♀️🙄😅 The thing that bothers me the most even almost a year after it ended is I just could not recognize that he always told me the truth...he never lied to me about anything and that still hurts when I think about it. The relationship just didnt work. As far as friends, I could have more friends lol but I am blessed to be close to my sisters and cousins!

[@Darkness-ie2yl]

everybody on earth wont betray you

[@anthonygonzalezzz]

Father Mike Schmitz is like a spiritual dad to me 😂❤️🙌🏼🙌🏼

[@abereagan7642]

My dad always says Jesus hung around liars, thieves, & prostitutes but i always tell him they gave that way of life up to be around Him. They didnt continue down that path. I dont really have many if any friendships just because most of the people i know don't share the same fundamental beliefs of right and wrong.

[@jojossecretrainbow2932]

That's 100% true actually. But in this desert of life, we have to try and pass around that mug of love. Sometimes there'll be ppl who reject that mug(our frenship) or those who don't treat us well😞 still we gotta give the best we got because He wants us to love one another as He loved us. Ik how it feels to be underappreciated and even ignored, but then, that just gives us another opportunity to make new and real connections after we've given our old ones our best. Choosing to bring the love of Christ will never be easy . It's definitely a lonely path. Especially when we Catholics crave connection thats hard to find because of how ppl just seem to exist on a different level. Nevertheless, He is always there for us when we get discouraged and give up on friendships. He who has known rejection, abandonment and acute loneliness feels our pain. He will comfort us while reminding us to never wallow in self pity but to pick up our crosses and continue reaching out. If He had chosen to give up on the apostles after the many times they disappointed Him or even on humanity after how much we've sinned against Him, we would never know His endless love. Keep heart and trust in God always❤

[@terrygorman4617]

You have the best friend in the whole universe, you have Jesus you need no other, God bless you ,

[@pishquet]

I miss my family . They have all passed on . I found out who my friends were when I was in the throes of grief . Not one human, they were too busy running away, like death was contagious .........Now I turn my face to Jesus for comfort .

[@junebug115]

You are loved.

[@doubtingthomist2226]

May God bless you abundantly with the knowledge that some people love you very much. Sending love your way!

[@tracieholladay438]

Father Mike, do you also think that social media has kind of....distorted how people understand friendship? That maybe it has reduced it to likes and clicks, perhaps?

[@kristenstudebaker814]

I agree Tracie, I just de-activated my facebook and my true friends are reaching out by ways they only know. It has brought me great peace and discernment.

[@pat1442]

Tracie this was a very dramatic comment.

[@melissafaulkner1083]

I was cheated on. I rely on my puppies and attending mass. Working on myself first 🙏🏼

[@concernedcitizen4249]

and dont forget....you want someone who wants you and only you!

[@Darkness-ie2yl]

so? youre gonna blame the world for 2 people doing the dirty dance?

[@RoseFerrachi]

I find that my ever shrinking number of friends is my alignment with those I truly resonate with. I'm seeing that I'm not feeling a whole lot of connection with as many people the more I grow and expand on my journey.....if that makes any sense. I like the solitude. Thank you Fr. Mike. 🙏

[@dawnmireles2912]

I never knew that having friendship was this important. I have gotten “burned” by so many people that I just look forward to each day even if it is without the company of friends. September 12, 2022

[@Johnmccoyart]

Thank you, Father Mike! This topic is heavy on my heart. Lack of connection is a big crisis in our culture, and I’m striving to change that.

[@sillypanda4658]

I have recently been praying about why I have a lack of friends as a female and realized that I am naturally so introverted that it's hard for me to foster a deep friendship as it just seems foreign. I thought that God must have made me this way for a reason. It then dawned on me that I think I was made this way so I can find a true nurturing friendship in the Lord and through Mary. I'm introverted and have a knack for deeply involving myself in learning new things. Most new things I randomly learn make me feel unfulfilled. As an adult convert who was baptized only 3 years ago, I am still a baby Catholic! I am almost certain my path in life is to learn about and through the Lord and Mary. I figure that my next steps are to reform my prayer life and start practicing lectio divina in preparation to become a Benedictine Oblate. Solitude, prayer, reading, meditation, and silence feel right at home for me.

[@jayleenv.7975]

I relate to you so, so much! I am also deeply introverted, and making and developing friendships never really came easy to me. I do have a strong love for learning, so I’ve been trying to take this time to learn about and love the Lord.

[@paigeeva4342]

Wow thank you for taking the time to post this..sometimes the devil tries to make me feel some type of way about it like I’m missing out on something. But at the end of the day this world does not provide what I need only God provides. God bless all of you and please know you are not alone!!!

[@claudiamunoz3879]

Moving often with my husband’s job, I often found myself lonely after every move and it was hard to start all over again, make new friends and then leave that city and leave part of my heart with my new friends. It got easier when I realized that no matter where I go, God is always with me 🙏🙏🙏

[@louisesmith3292]

I relate so much. Especially after I got serious about following Jesus. I've always been an introvert (who also loves learning) but I've always had a best friend and that was usually enough. But after I came to Jesus I lost her because she was not interested in repentance and still in love with the world. The rest of my friendships are surface value and although they are great people I can't truly relate to them 😔 usually its okay because I'm so busy learning about God and reading the bible, listening to preaching on KZbin and things like that, but once and awhile it really makes me sad 😔 but Jesus is my best friend now lol 😃

[@vaderkurt7848]

Have you guys ever thought about joining catholic or parish activities and make friends with other like minded people?

[@dennisbeers]

I'm white, Catholic and Republican and live California, so imagine how many friends I have? Zero!

[@stayathomemarine]

Haha 😂 I got a good laugh out of this thank you! I feel you though. I used to live in San Diego. I am pro life, pro guns, and I'm a stay at home mom to boot. San Diego was very lonely for me! 😂

[@tillman_time]

😂😂😂

[@SkySkorpions]

can I be your friend? c:

[@cynthiadowning8694]

Awesome

[@mariekatherine5238]

Hi! I'm your female counterpart in NYC. I "work and play well with others," but that's it. Oh, and I'm a boomer who didn't boom, and I'm poor. Since March 15 I've been unemployed and living in my vehicle.

[@jeremyrobbins9064]

I don't have any friends and mostly that saddens me but when I did have friends I mostly morn their ignorance.

[@Dodgeowner]

Thank you. I have a tendency to be alone a little too much. My husband is my best friend, 10 years older than me. However, I am trying to call relatives more and make a more sincere effort, because I do love my time with these people. I needed this reminder. God Bless.

[@charlest3016]

I have been laughed at and left out my whole life by people who I thought were my friends but Jesus has helped me through it all.

[@tonycamillo1846]

@Blackwolf302 Jesus has never helped me

[@e.s.g.5997]

@@tonycamillo1846 Believe in Him with your heart.

[@pattydavis6124]

@charlest; that is one way of looking at it.

[@pattydavis6124]

I have no time for funerals or weddings. Am I a bad friend?

[@idareighard7481]

This made me so sad. We don't need a bunch of friends. Just 1 and Jesus is the best. Bless you Charles. This world can be so selfish and mean.

[@simplyCutiePieAlex]

Your guardian angel will always be your most loyal and caring friend. Don't forget to acknowledge their presence everyday 😇

[@tomandrews1429]

How do you know you have a guardian angel? Does everyone have one?

[@simplyCutiePieAlex]

@@tomandrews1429 every single human being has one. God assigned one to you even before you were born

[@tomandrews1429]

@@simplyCutiePieAlex So when a child dies from falling off a cliff or something, was that guardian angel being a loyal and caring friend?

[@marymacdonald1651]

No, Alexandra, they may be extremely beneficial in your life, Jesus is really your best friend, although He is much more, also.

[@stevesawicki2062]

Simply Alexandra is right. One of the greatest gifts we have is free will. So our guardian angels, who have been assigned by God to be by our side, may disagree with our choices, but will always root for us when we do good. Remember, it’s not what we accomplish in this world, but our souls that live on forever. So if that person falling off a cliff made some turning away from sin prior to her death, than a victory was had.

[@emmaresendez603]

That's exactly how I've thought about "aduthood," Fr. Mike!!! I'm a freshman in college and before I started college this year I had a really hard time comprehending why it was tradition to leave home at 18 and undermine our amazing families to live with people we barely know! It can be a burden but if we keep Christ as our friend and allow Him to satisfy us, it's okay!!

[@SkySilver777]

*My friends always give me a hard time bc I want to be with my husband. I only make plans when he's working, bc I dont like to miss out on time with him when he's home. Most of them are single & I would much rather be like I am than how they are. Family comes first!*

[@AzureSymbiote]

Good for you.

[@reg8297]

Can I ask u did u have a positive loving upbringing somehow I am beginning to think when a person is loved as a child they have positive healthy relationships I've been abused since I was three years old and I have been traumatised my hole life experiencing only abusive relationships can't stand it any longer

[@laurac5451]

Find meet up groups for Christian couples or start one

[@voootiende2172]

You know what if your married avoid single friends infact runaway from them 😅because you need people who are married to understand some things you go through but the single ones don’t see it so get more Married friends .

[@joelbedulla4]

Jesus is my best friend. He'll always be by my side

[@dylna441]

Jesus is a friend of mine

[@allanjbara2382]

Jesus is my father my life

[@roniquebreauxjordan1302]

..this is a good one...real friendships do take a long time to develop..but there tends to be a common thread amongst friends.. new and old. ..

[@squirtle7G1]

It's is the same with me.

[@tomandrews1429]

How do you know Jesus is there? How do you know you just aren't fooling yourself?

[@ED-jn4fg]

As a introverted male, family and aquaintence is enough for me.

[@LostArchivist]

You do not have to settle for second-grade goods (referring to acquaintances alone and without friends, not family.) There is no limit on love that is freely given. Just start taking small social steps, it gets easier over time. Like all skills, it is perfected in practice.

[@EnliveningJustice]

As an introverted female, Jesus and a few acquaintances are enough for me.

[@J4YAH777]

I can attest

[@christianresourcesandvideo3898]

being alone is fine.

[@brightskysyl3913]

There's nothing wrong with Jesus being your best friend but admit it, there's something wrong with the environment around you when you don't have human friends.

[@celinamilian]

Nothing wrong with me, I function well in fact friends are as good as being there and here

[@reg8297]

I'm going thru this right now after lifetime of only knowing abusers

[@mynameskobe6838]

Usually imaginary friends are a kids thing

[@JT-gm4fk]

@@mynameskobe6838 imaginary is the concept that we came from nothing but air....I'll see your imaginary claims and raise you your baseless theology

[@taylertherapperowens1094]

Well obviously there is something wrong with us if no one even bothers to speak to us

[@boink800]

What is very brutal is that often people are judged on the quantity of friends they have. One should never judge people.

[@zad904100]

A true friend is one who stays with you in your shame.

[@maryellenlouise9380]

I love this. Thank you Father.

[@karinayerena3575]

I just realized. I'm distracting myself from loneliness.

[@DMMtoS]

Making and keeping friends is very difficult for autistic people, like me and my sister. Without a common context or a potential friend who is a very good listener or who understands how autistic people communicate differently and interpret others' communications, body language, figurative speech differently it can be near impossible to maintain friendship. I am blessed to have some very good friends who understand my challenges.

[@willywonty2612]

Without even listening all I need is Fr Mike and Jesus. Life is love, love is life, Fr Mike, keep the love of Christ going. You are the truth of Christ, you are the love of God. Ace guy. The best.

[@talkingdave9773]

I don't trust people anymore. They make fun with you when you're not around. They make fake roumors about you which is not real.

[@svetlanabarrow6026]

Never trust anyone. There could be worst things happening than the one you mentioned.

[@concernedcitizen4249]

I have all sorts of acquaintances but nary a person who I could relate with. Most guys have "hobby" friends but Im not into motorcycles, cars, hunting, fishing, sports. Im 66 years old and I have yet to find a buddy who I resonate with in a more fulfilling way. Though there have been times where I find a possibility but my invitations to hang out have been spurned. I did come to find out that only 10% of us guys have such meaningful relationship so Im not alone being alone (pardon the pun.) The quest continues......

[@chanceDdog2009]

That is a sign of BPD. Borderline personality disorder.

[@chanceDdog2009]

@Debbie F. pointing out a trait is not a diagnosis . Further BPD is nothing to be ashamed of . Finding help begins with being mindful of our opportunities. . *god loves you

[@caryulmer5578]

Concerned Citizen I'm a therapist, don't listen to Chance Whistler, the description you gave of yourself does not fit the diagnoses of borderline personality disorder. I find that inherent in how most societies function now (many things done on line instead of in person) many people find themselves without alot of friends & sometimes no friends by the time they are adults. It just takes more time & attempts to meet people now than it used to 10 or 20 years ago. The best way to make friends is to know yourself well, e.g. what is important to you in your life? (Like you said, most guys have hobbies.) What do you like to do? (Reading, going for walks, gardening, going for coffee etc). Connect with places where those things take place & strike up a conversation with people. In the conversation do 2 things: listen to what the other person has to say so you can see what kind of person they are, & also share yourself with them so they can see what kind of person you are. Do you like being around Christians? Take a class at a Christian university (there are many mature students at universities), ask your priest if there is a place you could volunteer where other volunteers might be in your age range. The thing is to just keep trying to meet people. It was so much easier 10 years ago, I wish we could go back to those times, but we can't. So just keep at it.

[@chanceDdog2009]

@@caryulmer5578 seeing a psychiatrist is far more accurate in a diagnosis than a therapist. I got my diagnosis after stating the same words this man posted. Please also note i did not diagnose the condition but rather stated he had a trait. To have bpd you need more than one. As a health care provider you should know that. Please read carefully what i stated first, it was not a provocation but an opinion from inside the diagnosis.

[@unassailable6138]

@@chanceDdog2009 ADD, BPD, Aspergers, etc... all hogwash, how many Saints would have been diagnosed with ''mental illness''? Having said that, and on a personal note, I have many interests myself, including cars, engines, gardening, sports, weightlifting, but not many people like to hang out with me. I meet somebody once or twice and never hear from them again, or they are suddenly unavailable forever. I'm probably not very good with people, I'm a quiet and honest guy, but I think these ''traits'' as you put it, do not equal conditions, but are nuances of the Big Five (perhaps the nearest to a quasi-scientific approach to personality) . I'm trained as an M.D and I think psychiatry as a profession should cease to exist, and we could transfer schizophrenic, autistic, patients to Neurologists. On an ending note, God hasn't made man for society, but we are mainly made for Himself, instead of therapy, men should work on his vices and sins and develop virtue.

[@samuelilko8501]

I praise you Lord for all the folks whom you're gonna give lasting virtuous friendships. Please Jesus bless all people who are hurt and lacking friends 😊

[@conniedetevis2119]

Samuel Please God bless you Samuel.

[@marylynch951]

Father Mike I love your videos And you are so special I have never met a priest like you You have something very special in how you make people relax You are not judgemental Never stop doing your videos I read them ever day You make me so relaxed God bless and protect you

[@broken4520]

Loneliness is sad and unfortunate. Unfortunately, I know several adults who live alone and are lonely, but don't make an effort to make more than 1 friend or only associate with relatives.

[@flow6889]

Nice pfp☺️

[@LisaGemini]

Very true. We have to make quality time for family, friends and prayer. So important!

[@MrLevistubbs]

So impossible to meet people being so nervous. Stuck on the outside looking in at others in their groups really can play with one's head.

[@LostArchivist]

They are just as vulnerable and nervous, we all are. Trust in using what God has given you. Share the unique gift of yourself to others. There may be rejection, there may be pain, there will be hardships, but it is all part of the journey and the ride of life. You will have those things regardless, why not endure with others?

[@MrLevistubbs]

@@LostArchivist I'm just absolutely terrified to start conversation. I just wait for others to say something first. So I can know if anyone is interested.

[@valward8195]

Join a group pal? Start on line and make friends.

[@MrLevistubbs]

@@valward8195 I wouldn't even know where to start. Plus I don't think I'd get any replies.

[@nenabunena]

Hey I'm a lot like you but more so when I was younger in school. I was terrified of people and wanted to hide, I still am like that today. But more because I'm an introvert and big groups tire me after a year or so and I need to recoup. Anyway, pls pm me, we can talk about anything. Don't be afraid, we're both online and anonymous!

[@Tribunal1023]

I’m so happy I found this channel. I literally have been a binge with your videos. Thank you.

[@pandajivgg]

Father Mike, what if I dont want friends? What if ive been burned by everyone I considered to be a friend and so ive become satisfied in my solitude?

[@aricdelagrange5965]

Like he said Pray. friendships are so important.i understand that something could have happened in your life,but I suggest you just pray and ask God for a good man or woman to come into your life.whatever relationship it is the key is you have to suffer.even our relationship with our lord.just Pray.

[@LostArchivist]

That satisfaction is a temporary defense, do not make your camp there. It will either abandon you, or consume you when the pain becomes resentmemt, anger and possibly even hate. I have been there, it is a terrible life.

[@ED-jn4fg]

There is nothing wrong not wanting friends...If you are satisfied with your solitude, and are at peace with yourself, then you already found something that many people wish they have in their own lives.

[@LostArchivist]

Let God heal your wounds and teach you to love again. You will rise stronger than before. Trust Him.

[@eileen1820]

There are others worthy of your trust. It's possible. I've been REALLY burned by family and I forgave them (even though they didn't reach out). It's absolutely necessary to move forward. God bless you, friend 😊

[@Julie_Rios]

Thank you, Fr. Mike. Really excellent video. Lesson here is not to live life in a hurry & to have friendships that are meaningful, and not just a distraction. God bless.

[@mcprolife29]

Yep I agree, must be near family! They love you more than most ever will.

[@2021-j2d]

Shelly Clark, sometimes families are broken and it’s best to back off so you don’t get drawn in to all the drama and end up needing constant confession.

[@mcprolife29]

@@2021-j2d Believe me I know all about broken families & drama. I agree about the possibility of needing confession multiple times, so Im very greatful for that sacrament! Im learning that running away doesn't help solve anything. Mercy & forgiveness helps if we swallow our pride! Of course physical & verbal abuse shouldn't be tolerated.

[@marykyle744]

I agree. My parents truly loved me.RIP

[@skilletman16]

Not always true. My parents want nothing to do with me.

[@thelegendkillersshittyduff1335]

Dogs will love you more

[@kellenwillett8263]

That last part about time really hits home. Really, all of it does. I’d say I only have one deep, virtuous friendship, but even with that person over the decades we’ve known each other we’ve grown distant in areas. Still close, but some of the “having fun” together has been lost. I want to find new friendships, but right now the job I’m working has me kept busy for 55-60 hours each week. I don’t feel super lonely because of those “useful friendships” at work and the time I do find for my one virtuous friendship, however I feel stagnant and wanting more deep connections. The thing that I feel is holding me back though is that most important ingredient: time. Even finding time to do things I love like going hiking and camping and fishing is difficult, and so it’s hard to invite others into my life to spend time with me. I barely feel like I have time to worship the Lord or immerse myself in the Word. The growing loneliness I feel has definitely been pushed aside with distractions, and I thank God for guiding me to this video to help me become more conscious of this fact.

[@willgoliath]

Dude. Once again you're right on target. Thank you.

[@TomHaberthaler]

All through my life and im 63 now, i hoped for a friend "like me." Well there may have been some temporaries but never the real thing. My fault, their fault, societies fault or all of our fault no matter. Maybe a lot of doors got slammed on a lot of fingers over the decades. Well this thought popped into my head, "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" I didnt see anyone say that here but felt it was a statement worth remembering and considering. I either want a good friend around me or nobody. I either want to be a good friend or nothing at all if i cant!

[@afm1410]

Just wanted to comment about the point about living together with parents and family. I am from India, and in India and indeed the rest of Asia, its completely normal for us to live with or close to our parents even after marriage. I don't know why it isn't so in the West...

[@nenabunena]

I'm from the Philippines and I live with my parents. I think Asia is more community/family centric whereas the West is more individual centric where they value doing everything by yourself without relying on anyone, family, friends, Church, community, etc.

[@dellchica2373]

Good for you and you save $$ n free food!

[@melissafeds1344]

I wanted to say the same thing Arnold (Goan?). I believe the current prevailing culture in the west has been created by bright minds (read dark minds, as has been given in d bible, somewhere : worldly minds r clever in the ways of the world) to encourage consumerism, materialism (santa claus remember? to distract u frm Jesus? Christmas is alll abt buying gifts in d west but thats another topic), breed selfishness, create strong money flow in d market as money lying in ur account is not of much use to them, help bankers as ur perenially in a state of debt and make it more difficult to spend more time wt ur family as u're too busy wrking 2 jobs to pay off one loan or another. Expl: When a semi mature 18 yr old CHILD leaves home, he doesnt have healthy savings in his account. Already he will begin his new life in debt. Or hand to mouth existence. Come pay, go pay as the major junk of it will get spent on rent and cooking ur own food or ordering take out which is even more expensive as most youngsters these days cant cook. Theres no time to make deeper healthier friendships as you're too busy just trying to survive, not live well. like a hamster on a wheel. When you live wt family, you have a strong, secure foundation to build your future on. U' re financially more secure. Ur parents r always there to guide u by ur side wn u falter. U contribute 4 d daily expenses but ultimtely save on housing, furnishing, transport, major electronic gadgets like laundry machines, kitchen morgue( fridge), electricity bills, gas etc etc. Ur kids r safe n well looked after wt d most essential ingredient no babysitter can give: love, of their grandparents. U save on babysitting expenses. Wn ur sick theres always someone to care 4 u n ur little family. U get nutritious home cooked wholesome meals if u're not able to drum up something on ur own as u're too busy wt wrk. U're healthy. Ur kids r healthy. U r never lonely. Ur elderly parents r not lonely. They meet ur needs. U meet theirs.U save on old age care home expenses. Ur kids learn n benefit frm their wisdom. Ur parents can teach ur kids soo much. Hence a better future 4 them. U have each other. Hence less trips to d psychiatrist/psychologist. Saving there. All this leads to a healthy bank account. Good for mental health. U can use that to pay 4 ur kids' college, effortlessly. U dont feel lonely. U are loved. U love them in return. U have more time to socialise n make friends. A win all the way. Man is a social animal. We were never meant to go it alone. This is what I find unappealing abt western society. I've seen 1st hand on a month long visit to Canada relatives living in rich homes but lonely n depressed and always concerned abt money tho they had well paying white collar jobs in d oil industry. I dont mind sharing this but its why I dont accept proposals frm even d most well educated, well paid boys in d Uk, US or Canada. I dont wish to relocate to any land where d laws nd culture of that land work against the family unit. Greater chance of your children, your treasures, going astray. No offense. Just stating my thoughts. Also, can anyone explain to me why babies are placed in a crib in another room in d west? Perhaps thats why children grow up wt complexes n various other problems.Babies need to bond n feel safe. They need emotional connection. There must be some psychological benefits to that. Its what has always been done for ages.

[@afm1410]

@@melissafeds1344 yes I am Goan. What abt u? V interesting reply of urs! I fully agree with you!

[@afm1410]

@@dellchica2373 Haha...its not about free food. We all contribute equally as a family to the living costs :)

[@willtat2]

As an introvert, my family and church associations fullfill my needs more than adequately.

[@marthasusana3333]

I come from a family of 6 siblings 3 males and 3 females (in pairs ☺️) out of the 6 the youngest of the boys and the youngest of the girls (myself) tend to stay closest to our parents and look for a home as close to them as possible. My adulthood is not measured by the distance between me and my family. My husband is an amazing man who doesn’t mind how close I am to my family, and he himself looks after my parents as if his own.

[@csapienza001]

This guy is sprinting towards heaven. God bless the future-cannonized fr. Mike Schmitz!

[@angelacolombo750]

When you have jesus you always have a more than a friend 💛 ❤️ you have the friend someone who will never leave you or forsake you

[@heureuse8568]

Wow, that was a real good looking priest.😍 Very kind and wise too.

[@evegusman7626]

I have my husband, who is my friend. I have a best friend who I have known for over 20 years. I know I have to give as much as I get.

[@cliffordfaria4412]

My wife's my bestest friend.😂

[@pibly7784]

You are pretty lucky

[@nikistorm9562]

Listening to that last part really struck me. I thought I had a lasting friendship with somebody, but it was really just a useful friendship. We were on the same political side, then things changed. Then I changed. And we never got to meet in person. That’s why that friendship never really took off. Thank you so much Father, these videos are really helpful.

[@estheradao]

I’ve always had friends , childhood friends, church friends, school friends but four years ago, I went through a difficult moment in my life and then all my friends dumped on me. Now, I still have one friend but I can’t relate to him on a deeper level it feels like a superficial friendship idk how to explain it. It feels lonely sometimes but I know that God is here with me all the time.

[@sunbrah]

People don't have friends because the world is broken

[@LostArchivist]

Pieces can still come together.

[@sunbrah]

@@LostArchivist That is just an illusion, humanity is flaud, broken, abortions, people break the world instead of fixing it, so there is no hope

[@paisley6733]

@@sunbrah How can you say there is no hope when God IS hope? Do not wait for the world to change, Do not hope in man for anything, but hope in God and pray that he changes us. The world is terrible; it lives without God. That's why all of these evil things are happening.

[@paisley6733]

@@sunbrah when we truly take time to look at how the world really is, we see how dark sinful and godless it is. And thinking about it is sad and depressing; but if this affects us, imagine what God feels; his children are living as if they don't need or want him. The world has no love for God. Hope in God and console him with your love for him. The loss of souls plunges him.

[@paulmiller3469]

There's always hope - in the world to come, if not this current one. Can't come quick enough, in my book. (Well, you know what I mean - not trying to tell God how to do His job, but I am looking forward with hope.)

[@BlairOjong]

Thank you God for giving me wisdoms through Fr. Mike! Now I know what to look for when making friends. The heartbreak is over! Thank you Jesus Christ!

[@mom-bionicbomb359]

I love the way Father Mike makes you think and his way of explaining things is spot on! Funny too!❤️

[@mariettaljiljic1903]

Jesus is my only friend. I don't mind. At least, I'm in good company ♥

[@gladyscompere9392]

Amen ❤🙏🙏🙏

[@shefalibali1088]

Likewise... Amen n Amen🙏

[@thewaterwarrior9817]

Father, you are a wonderful spiritual teacher

[@theyoodoo]

I'm 70 years old. Growing up in the 1950's, I could stand on my front porch and name the families on my street on both sides from one end of the street to the other. On the same street now, I can only name the people on either side of me and one or two others. When I see younger people "communicate" to one another, they poke at their cell phone to talk to someone three feet away. They can't even write their own language in cursive writing like I learned in second or third grade. The educational system has been "dumbed down" to eliminate such useful skills. Even people I meet that grew up in third world countries and learned English as a foreign language can at least write it in cursive. I think our popular culture has declined in social skills on a mass scale. This is very disturbing and a very serious sign of major social decline.

[@gorb_oron]

How strong is your faith in God?

[@KBurchfiel]

Love how he dodges the Ascension Presents logo at 9:36 :)

[@gallagher6904]

This is totally off topic, but does anyone else think that FR Mike looks like Jon Hamm??

[@ClassicsandChristianity]

YES! Was thinking this the other week

[@junechamberlin5184]

Yes, absolutely, my first thought...got my attention right away. But I stayed for his wisdom.

[@SuperrBoyful]

100% DON DRAPER

[@pajimacas]

I've been drifting away from close friends who have been starting up their own families and working in far-off places so I decided to join a lay Catholic charismatic community. 6 years in, I'm still unable to forge that same closeness I had with my secular friends. But I do believe we were able to bond together in a more virtuous way, also that constant praying for one another... I couldn't ask for more... 😇

[@interruptedable]

I struggle with friendships too all because I’ve moved away. Thank you Father for the help! Much needed

[@StickMan...77]

Thank you Fr.Mike ,now i know were to find friends:Bible study,and other Catholic activities.

[@someonemight]

I achieved early retirement (mainly through minimalist living) and had tons of free time on my hands, but unfortunately my friends were busy mainly with work and business and had no time for me. So I figured if you can't beat them, join them, and started distracting myself with random work-like projects I started making up for myself.

[@Shelf_Improvement]

#askfrmike How do we make friends? Despite trying, I haven't been able to make deep connections at church, or elsewhere.

[@alldoneup]

I can sympathize! I also want to find a friend who is "racing after Christ." In this secular world we live in, it would be nice to have someone who shares our views on what's important.

[@nenabunena]

It's hard making friends, even online. Sometimes you just want to hang out without having a deep conversation or discussions and that's easier to do in person. Online throwaway lines seem so shallow and insincere

[@giovanni540]

I want a friend that follows jesus, one you can trust and love

[@caryulmer5578]

I hope I'm not too presumptuous in addressing you guy's concerns, but I'm a therapist & get asked about this alot in my line of work. It's harder to make friends now than it was several years ago because most societies have become impersonal. There's more done on line instead of in person. Nevertheless, the way to make friends is the same. The most important part is to know yourself; what is important to you? What do you like to do? (watch t.v., movies, gardening, sports, reading, learning new things, going for walks, going for coffee etc.) Seek out places where that occures & strike up conversations. In the conversation do 2 things: listen to what the other person has to say so you can see what kind of person they are, & share yourself so they can see what kind of person you are. Don't expect things to immediately click between you. If you want to be around people who share your faith, take a course at a Christan university, ask your priest where you can volunteer, etc. The real key to it is what Father Mike said about needing to make the time required. For e.g. recently I did some contract work for a small company so I spoke to their office manager several times. We're both women of a similar age who are very devoted to the Lord, so both enjoyed our conversations. My contract work there has now ended, & we both agreed we'd like to get together for coffee sometime. There is the potential for a friendship there, but if we don't pursue it by one of us calling the other to set a time for that, the opportunity to make a friend will die out. Sometimes life gets in the way, you mean to do it but never find time. You have to make the time. Hope this helps a bit. Best of luck, you all sound like really nice people.

[@mariekatherine5238]

@@caryulmer5578 I don't have the time. I work all the time to survive.

[@pammiesingkho1786]

Speaking of friends, ever since i was in grade school I didn't have any friends; di ako pala away na Bata. I had playmates when I was a kid. But NVR did I pick a fight w/ my playmates when I was young. Growing up, my so called friends usually bullied n called me bunch of names. And now, it's quite HAAAAAARD to find a gud, loyal, sincere friends.

[@EliB567a]

I haven't felt lonely due to the Eucharist. But love your talks Fr Mike !

[@trischgockly]

Thanks Father Mike ❤

[@PhilAlumb]

I have found that the Busier I am, the less Lonely I feel. I don't want too much time to think..that leads to rumination, anxiety and depression. For me it works----to be Busy (mentally & physically) doing Quality things with decent people. It doesn't have to be really close, intimate things.....Just Don't isolate.

[@gillianpedersen52]

I really don't have any friends

[@aliciahoffman2897]

God bless you. Talk to Jesus and your guardian angel. They are always there for you.

[@gillianpedersen52]

@@aliciahoffman2897 thank you

[@louisecooper3584]

Neither do i

[@gillianpedersen52]

@@louisecooper3584 you are in my prayers

[@Darkness-ie2yl]

because you dont want any

[@diaa2841]

Yes! ❤ Create time for your closest friends and family. I was sharing this also in my Mondays video❤

[@briankelly85]

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone...

[@210SAi]

We’re not born alone, majority don’t live alone and most don’t die alone

[@The-OG-JT]

You did not birth or deliver yourself. Take heart & reassess. Immanuel said he is with you unto the end of the age, so long as you are willing

[@opencurtin]

Well done Fr Mike I pray for more men like you for the priesthood, I never had the mental fortitude to make the leap for many reasons...

[@tango-bravo]

What a friend we have in Jesus

[@TheSupaaMan]

Thank you Father Mike Schmitz

[@veronicasharp7085]

You are amazing!! I've been saying this for a while. People think I'm crazy but you can't have friends if you don't make time or even a marriage. Don't be delusional. Talking physical time not texting just a phone true friends make the time for coffee a hike etc.

[@ll-yx4tl]

My best friend is in juvie for things but he is still my friend. We've been through a lot together. He'll be my friend forever.

[@Henryk516]

Thank you Father Mike, as always, I am grateful for your words.

[@captainthumper9175]

The friend you choose not to have today is an enemy you won't have to fight tomorrow.

[@deborahmallesch2851]

Takes energy to make friends. And a 50 50 commitment.

[@MELOMEL95]

I commented in one of your older videos, saying how i’m trying to make real friends out of internet friends haha. One of them doesn’t seem to be interested in me any more after 5ish years of messaging and I guess it turned out to be a useful friend. Anyway, this is the second time i try to make something deeper out of surface friends and i feel unsatisfied bc this is the second time where someone doesn’t give back similar consideration or care that i have given. I kinda hope it’s just timing, but it could also be me expecting so much out of nothing. This video title made me feel attacked lol. But i’m glad you mentioned about time. I’d think i’m introverted myself but it’s not like i have a group of surface friends, which is why i yearn for the most deep kind of friend. Just one is all i ask...maybe my longtime boyfriend is it? It’d be nice to have a friend who is a girl besides my mom. Hehe.

[@WadzisWorld]

Thank you for this Fr Mike 🙏🏾 Navigating friendships, especially in adulthood, has been an interesting experience. I wasn’t aware of the three different types of friends so I’ll definitely be doing more research into this 🙏🏾

[@dellchica2373]

Hi Father Mike can you do a video on annulments and remarriage in the Catholic CHURCH???

[@francoisegregyi9527]

There's no such thing as annulments and remarriages in the Catholic Church! It has to be proven that the marriage that was contracted was not a valid marriage in the first place due to the lack of some essential element.

[@iolarosete8009]

@@francoisegregyi9527 and that's what annulment is.

[@dellchica2373]

Francois Egregyi that we already KNOW. It's the essential parts seem so subjective. Like why anulments were unheard of for at least 1600 years . It was death do us part no matter what. Now anulments are given easily. So can one remarry with an anulment or are you breaking your first covenant?? It's not easy so I prefer to hear from a priest. Thank you.

[@francoisegregyi9527]

@@dellchica2373 If the Church declaration of nullity of a marriage is valid, then one is free to contract a marriage.

[@kimfleury]

@Dell Chica You can't have a "RE" marriage if you were never married. A declaration of annulment says you were never married. I don't know where you get the idea that there were no declarations of annulment for 1600 years. It's true they were more rare, but not unheard of. The main difference seems to be that the average Catholic in the past took the marriage vows seriously, AND understood that life has ups and downs so you just work through trouble. Culturally, marriage preparation used to involve the community to a greater extent, as well. Families played a greater role in preparing their children for an upcoming marriage, and they took the attitude that marriage united two families. The priest who presided over the wedding went over all impediments beforehand, and the banns were taken seriously as the opportunity for impediments to be made known. In more modern times we get the encroachment of Protestant practices and attitudes - they wait till the wedding to ask if there's an impediment, for example, and they frown upon but allow "divorce." Somehow priests in mainly Protestant regions like the US got away from some of the old practices, and simply accepted the couple's request without much investigation. (I just heard a woman talk about her experience as a pregnant teen having to beg the priest for permission to marry, along with the baby's father; they later divorced, and they both reject Catholic teaching on marriage and annulment but consider themselves worthy to receive Communion). Not only did the average modern Catholic embrace Protestant teaching, they also latched onto Secular Modernist ideas of the "right to happiness." They began to enter the church on their wedding day with the intention that they could divorce if they were unhappy, and marry again at their own discretion. That right there means they were holding something back, and possibly impeding the marriage from taking place. When man and woman unite in marriage, a third entity is created - an actual being, a spirit of marriage. That's why you can't split the marriage. But if no marriage occurred, then there is no spirit created. The reason we see so much of that now is because of the widespread acceptance of the heresy of Modernism. The right thing to do in response is grant the annulments and teach the Faith.

[@gabbystreet103]

Your so wise. Thanks Father.

[@JJ-qt6wc]

Yes different kinds of friendships, and also different stages of our life. We probably drift in and out of all. During my work years I was always busy to occupy my time but as a retiree, I feel a tad lonely.

[@abbybraaten7156]

Gold as always!

[@maryannkridler9197]

This was something I obviously needed to hear, and never knew it. Thank you Father Mike

[@MoonlightNothing]

Always great! Hit the nail on the head!

[@eileen1820]

Beard 👏👏👏

[@bnpixie1990]

ya think he will do no shave november???

[@skilletman16]

He does this every fall and winter

[@erinpytell6933]

You are Simply Amazing and I thank The Good Lord that I have stumbled across your very insightful and very interesting videos Fr. Mike.

[@marinaduran9873]

Low key he is fine tho. Just saying

[@moitrig.9530]

Thank you Father Mike for this💖🕇

[@amanredie6449]

Father mike may GBU , i am watching what you teach and inspire youth feeling for them the situation they are going through you make them us to be thirsty and hungry for Gods love to discpver to experience it.i really appreciate it and keep it up GBU again .bye

[@janetandrews1306]

So well explained Father Mike!

[@johnsullivan9056]

How did you know?!?