"Why You're So Tired!" - Shocking Energy Vampires Decreasing Your Lifespan | Vanessa Van Edwards

[@DhruPurohit]

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[@GloryBe123]

The questions she asks her friends on fridays and mondays would cause me dread to see her. Who wants to “report” like that every week to a friend!? Just chill. Life can be serene; a take a one day at a time; fun not knowing what you might be doing over a weekend but instead being spontaneous. I would absolutely hate her asking me every week! Also, you’re invading people’s privacy and maybe they don’t want to give you a low down on their free time. She would wear me out. I think she is more extroverted than she knows. I feel the same way about people who are always taking your emotional temperature. How are you. How are you feeling? On & on. Let people “inform” you about their weekend or how they feel if they volunteer it. Stop pestering them!

[@boogiepimp78]

I instantly see that type of question "what are your plans this weekend. " for what it is which is filler and a chance to get us to provide content rather than them. Often times the people that ask that question don't offer what their own plans are unless they are hard pressed by others. I agree with you that I would dread having to 'report' on this. Same with "what are you learning recently.." It would just make me feel angry that I would be judged for not reporting on learning something new each week/time. She is only thinking about it from the lack of cognitive load on her and not how it would feel to be asked that with the weight of expectations from the other person.

[@alcudiababe1]

Well, I didn't see the problem with the questions. If she asked me them, I might say something like "well I'm not doing anything this weekend, but the following Friday, I'm going out for a baby shower and a meal later with my husband," but it is very extroverted things where I'm socialising that get me excited and because I am more extroverted I would use her questions to my advantage. For example, "Are you learning anything new?" I'd think about it and go (because I'm always trying to better myself in different areas) "Well, I'm trying out all these different ways to style my hair through tiktok. Do you want to see one?" Or "I've learnt a new makeup trick. You know your eye curler and the round thing at the top? If you bring that down to where you want your eyeshadow line to go, you can get it rounder." Or even something I've watched on the BBC I player. "I've been watching DR Jones on the telly. I know it's been out for a while, but I'm really getting into it now because I don't let social media dictate what I watch when they decide its the in thing to watch." But this is what I'm saying because I'm naturally extroverted, Vanessa would get something out of me, but if either she or I asked someone these questions who was quite closed off and introverted they'd shut us down. "No, nothing exciting. Or, nah, I'm not learning anything." And that impatient nodding she's mentioned the hurry up and be done with it attitude because I'm not really interested would happen and the shut up and leave me attitude would really nark me off especially if I was taking a genuine interest in them and I'm just getting. "Nothing exciting in my life..." If people want to be unresponsive, they will shorten the answer no matter what question you give them to talk and the shortness can come across as rudeness. If they don't want to talk, they won't, and then I move on to someone who will talk to me. If they want to talk to me later, that's fine, and even if they never did its fine. I won't make myself the person people choose to avoid. Plus, it kind of sends the message that I'm desperate for a bit of attention and I've been done with that a long time ago. I talk to the people in a room who are more like myself, and can get good conversations out of. I don't have time for people who shoot me down with one word responses. They may talk to like minded people themselves but it may not be with me. I tend to gravitate to people who are the life and soul of a party so I would be going to a happy hour at a bar. Equally I can have my own leave me alone moments but I have the politeness not to be so rude and good graces to answer someone like "I'm not with it today," and most people generally say they know that feeling.

[@Guddilove801]

This!!! I just love love love her energy saving ways . I m so like Vanessa in the way I socialise and a recovering awkwardness person. She breaks down all these things which I thought I was struggling alone with. Thank you Dru for another extremely amazing interview. 🙏

[@picmenose]

This has been such a wonderful conversation. I was always known as an extrovert most of my life, I'm almost 70, but in the last few years I've slowly felt energy loss, and the need to get away to my own space after maybe two hours of socializing, I'd feel such drain. But I just went to Mexico with some girlfriends and my daughter to celebrate her 40th and for 6 days of chatting and constant conversation I never once felt I needed space!. It's a lot to do with who you choose to be around. On the other hand, I have a neighbor who wants to come over and visit, but all she does is talk obsessively in a very always negative way and when she leaves I feel like she sucked the life out of me, I don't know how to get away from her, I can't take it. I will now finish the video! Half way through and love how this opens up many avenues.

[@honorburza9110]

You’ve made me realise I get my dopamine from podcasts 👏 Learning new stuff, following science discussions etc

[@brendaburki7301]

Me too !

[@Scotstralian]

Me 3

[@pampuskar4778]

I always associate someone telling me I’m lucky with the fact I didn’t d work hard for my success. I do believe there is an element of luck involved with everything.

[@alcudiababe1]

I know someone who has said that in terms of their life, jobs and things they can afford. Like luck had nothing to do with all the hardworking she's put into creating the life she has. Generally when people say that what it means is they're looking into your life and seeing how rosey it looks from their perspective and it's true the other man's grass is a always greener, sun shines brighter on the other side but it's through their jealousy that their looking at your life and wish they have it. Really, I feel like saying to those folk your life is fine you bunch of whiney babies be grateful for what you've got, and if you don't like it , go out do something!

[@gaelledelaunay5752]

I hate that question : do you have exciting plans for the weekend. That is actually the worst question you can ask me. I don't like sharing my private plans with someone I don't know well+ makes me feel super bad for not having exciting plans!

[@llbailey9946]

Yes! Most of her questions felt like veiled passive aggressive competition or ranking. Let's brainstorm alternatives?

[@fav54blueall72]

Most people are not interested to others people plan. They just want a simple conversation.

[@pampuskar4778]

I agree that if I don’t know you well, I would never ask that question. Probably because I really don’t care. 😅

[@obtuseangler768]

Define excitement first please..."do you have any exciting plans for the holidays?' You bet I do! Dropping my dog off and heading into the middle of nowhere to go fishing in the snow. If I screw up badly enough I'll drown and nobody will ever find me or maybe I'll catch that one fish I'm waiting for...super exciting stuff! Maybe I was supposed to get fired up to celebrate Christmas? I don't know.

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I agree= but, usually say, "I have the weekend to myself- I will decide when I wake up. I actually love NOT having plans. I can bake, sew, take a walk. Or I can call a friend and do something on the fly.

[@alcudiababe1]

The thing is when you are victimising yourself because you've been a victim of circumstance and or of several circumstances you're only victimising yourself because your brain is trying to make sense of why something happened to you or how to think about others who have affected your life negativity because you hate your life right now and you can't see a way forward, your looking at the end of the tunnel and instead of brightness it's black. What I hate about others is that they just assume you like complaining, and unhelpful people issue out comments like "it's the poor me attitude," or "it's the sadest violin playing." And when you're not met with compassion, you don't feel heard it brings about another cycle of self victimisation, and you start feeling sad, lonely and I will admit over twenty years ago I was in that position. I was this person and what I needed, like Lisa Bilyeu was strategies I could put down or ways to improve but because I couldn't think of any, or see anything I could do about my situations I was sinking further and further down as I call it 'The Rabbit Hole Of Despair.' It was only after a conversation with my Nan in my later life that she asked me a few questions. "What do you want out of this? What is your goal here?" Flabbergasted and stunned, I did not reply because no one had asked what I wanted. My family's attitude was, "You're doing this, this and this weather you like it or lump it." So for this situation, I couldn't answer because for once someone was actually asking me ME what I wanted. Needless to say, I went away and thought about it and came back to my Nan a week later, and I had the answers to move forward. Yeah, you will find some people just like to bitch and moan for a sport and not do anything about their situations and I understand the frustration behind that, because not only are you hearing this but even if you offer up a suggestion they'll find a way to shoot it down and live life the way they want but had someone offered and I mean non judgemental advice I'd have listened whether I agreed with it or not but it could have been a go to response out of desperation of what to do with my family or my lifestyle and when I finally learnt I could ask Google Questions over certain other areas of my life I listened and chose responses that were more me.

[@annekent6029]

Australia 🦘 So true, negative people drain your energy. Love and leave them no matter what.

[@teresasmith360]

I feel too much pressure from co-workers always asking if I’m doing something fun/did something fun. Feels like a let down when it’s just an ordinary weekend.

[@obtuseangler768]

I used to think the same thing...then I realized how damn greatful I am for my life. I had almost everything a 30yr old could possibly want, lots of money, lots of friends, I could go out and have many women hit on me in a night. Then I got hurt, badly, in bed for a couple of years etc. I've worked hard to rebuild what I could and I've sacrificed so many 'fun' things that I think taking care of myself and investing in my future is where it's at for me!

[@ppkgaming210]

She reminds me of the one episode in Seinfeld with the ennoying woman heckling Jerry.

[@SarahPerine]

Lots to relate to here

[@jakemelinko]

I've seen plenty of Vanessa's stuff yet you always get the best content from everyone.

[@sheristmarie-brokeredbyexp3751]

“What are you doing this weekend” is not a good question either. For the ones with no weekend plans, or family, etc. it’s the same as the social expectation of “How are you doing?” Or create some fomo or Instagram expectations.

[@janette499]

I like to ask my husband everyday “ did anything interesting or funny happen at work today ? “ ive found it to be way better than the “how was work”

[@The_Antiquary]

No, I feel that the energy vampire here is the interviewee. This is a very self-absorbed, therapy-obsessed type of Americanese.

[@ppkgaming210]

I like her but she should probably read some of these comment for an eye opener.

[@nelliarnaut2086]

100% I felt this right away from her.

[@VYT6171]

🤣 I'm sorry but those are facts!

[@jakejessen8927]

Oh I love this type of content so I can act a bit more comfortable when interacting with people. I am a big time introvert and don’t really know what the appropriate ways are when interacting with others and I find myself just avoiding all situations without a proper guidance

[@honorburza9110]

That’s great to hear that what I came to realise about “not” quizzing our children after school is actually better for their wellbeing. Last year I feel like me “interviewing for pain” did result in lots of answers of negative experiences and complaining. Not doing it this year and seems to work better.

[@margomoore4527]

I get oxytocin from my cats, and from restaurant servers who know and like me, and of course my husband. Spending hours with a group, even family, exhausts us, but we go because we love our family. But we desperately need time in our own place to recoup afterwards.

[@VYT6171]

So what do you do if someone asking you about your weekend plans annoys TF out of you....?

[@janellenelson4]

@DhruPurohit love the chairs! Can you share where they are from?

[@ioanagrosariu2999]

I don't necessarily interpret how longevity comes in place for people who are extrovert, as I have friends who spend their time along with other friends, but not actually connecting (a real connection point), were discussions go just for holidays, wheatear or daily routine which for me it's not a creation of new neuronal brain waves :) I believe, authenticity plays a crucial role, and it has to come from within and not forced...when is forced - you see it and feel it this way.

[@arshiaameena1338]

Thanks Dhru, love from Pakistan

[@sandraboseindiagestao]

This is a podcast of what you should NEVER do! You should not be so boring like this lady. You should not ask people so many questions. You should not be intrusive, etc. Let the conversation flows and if people don't want to talk to you, you should be grown up enough to understand this.

[@honorburza9110]

Makes so much sense about the ambivalent friendships as those that are some of the most draining. When somebody is “blowing hot and cold” and you don’t know where you stand.

[@sharonlorraine2489]

Great interview! Really enjoyed it! Going to start watching both of your KZbin channels. Thank you Dhru and Vanessa. New subscriber. ☺

[@margomoore4527]

I wanted to know about the energy vampires, not all this woman’s ideas. Believe me, I’d rather talk about the weather! Get to the point!

[@StJimmy-hj1bo]

so can you be in between the “oceans“ because i identified with low neurotics and with the one that says no to everything

[@StJimmy-hj1bo]

so can you be in between the “oceans“ because i identified with low neurotics but i can also be a people pleaser and i also say no when asked to do something before even hearing it but after i think it through and agree if i want to so.. idk

[@moladhdodhia164]

Hashimotos Thyroiditis and Fibromyalgia drains my energy.

[@JennWatson]

For me the Keto diet and a daily walk with my dogs in the morning has made a huge difference in my pain and exhaustion!

[@moladhdodhia164]

@@JennWatson ,A knee procedure gone wrong at the Doctor's office keeps me from enjoying a walk,when I was on the Navy Base, I was blessed with being able to walk daily along the Pugent Sound, I loved it so much.

[@VicToria-sd1dn]

Do a parasite cleanse and take back your life/health. Use Pyrantrin Pamoate, albendazole, Mebendazol, etc. Heal your gut microbiome. Get healthy.

[@pkrent3461]

Wow I love her energy! And she also speaks fast and clear which I love, what a good podcast.

[@janesejohnsen6750]

This is definitely off center to health...just our food is silently killing.... Bottom line negativity counterproductive...and a yes man be careful of yes

[@tiffanyalberti2029]

I am Gen X. You should make a video on How To Make Conversation With Younger Generations. This way I will have more to say other than: When I was your age.....

[@RockingRebelYell]

I hate my CPTSD it makes my life impossible with so much and I want to be good to the people I love and it hurts that I can't be closer to the woman I love right now it hurts so bad.

[@sethc2637]

Very interesting conversation, except she really doesn't understand introverts.

[@s.maj.3747]

She really is awkward asking people what they're currently learning, I'd hate anyone putting me on the spot like that!

[@honorburza9110]

😆I do the “lean in” when I’ve had enough in a zoom meeting to help re engage me.

[@honorburza9110]

I’m thinking you can’t get a person who doesn’t think they are lucky to start seeing themselves as lucky?

[@MsFitVegan]

Sooooooooooooooo goooooood 🙏🏼💖🥰🍉🥰💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[@atlasgunther8947]

archon are the ultimate nrg vamps. get up to speed npcs

[@VicToria-sd1dn]

Archon, how to deal with them or get rid of them please? Help!

[@atlasgunther8947]

@@VicToria-sd1dn have you tried qigong? there are a lot of choices available ... mace energy method, chaos magick, change of location and environment, chakra removal, fasting

[@atlasgunther8947]

Try this hack: listen to a foreign radio station. Whenever I've been stranded helpless and lost in some remote place, miracles have happened with very positive results. I've been trying for years to spread my idea around for someone to build an online life and biohack web service, but it always falls on deaf and lazy ears. Good things don't last nor are easy to launch. So find a location nearest to the exact opposite point on a globe as where you were raised. Find a radio station in that language that's foreign to you. Playing it mimics being lost which invokes immediate positive doppelganger twin self guide energy response to vastly improve your conditions. It worked wonders for my family back in 2005 when we moved into a haunted apartment. I dialed a Vietnamese radio station in San Jose, bay area California, and negativity lifted instantly, and provided long lasting relief.

[@atlasgunther8947]

google "Anneliese Michel" to see how many years demons can tag onto your age... she was in her early 20s in those evil ugly demonic photos

[@VicToria-sd1dn]

@@atlasgunther8947 I'm interested in this. Please tell me more, this time it won't fall on deaf or lazy ears. I await your reply.

[@msgirl01]

Or maybe those people are just right and they ARE lucky

[@mawi820]

First view first comment 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@zedddddddddddddddd]

Speaking in absolutes is always wrong…. But seriously, people are *notoriously* terrible at reading body language and no one owes you their genuine self in the workplace or at all times in personal life. And calling anything that isn’t what you want to feel or hear a red flag is problematic. If colleagues are baring their teeth or eye rolling when you’re around, it might be you, it might be them - but maybe just leave them alone.

[@Mariahugo472]

The smartest thing that should be on everyone's mind right now should be to invest in different streams of income that are not dependent on the government. Especially with the current economic crisis around the world. This is still a good time to invest in gold, silver, and digital currencies (BTC ETH...).

[@ron.porter.10]

Even with the current dip in the market I'm still glad I can smile 😊 back at my portfolio of $19750 built from my weekly trading with Mrs Olivia.

[@kislyjdozhdik1618]

Mrs Olivia is the strategic trader that manager my account. She's really a professional i earn my first investing profit of €55k and she does not fail.

[@douglasrodriguez250]

Same here, I earn $19,500 a week. God bless Mrs Olivia, she has been a blessing to i and family.

[@mercelesandaniel]

I will leave her number just below this comment

[@mercelesandaniel]

+1

[@jodyjackson5475]

Why does she need to speak so quickly so often…?

[@Rockerlady]

She is an energy vampire herself.

[@thomasswainston2821]

She tells why in the interview. High in neuroticism.

[@pablonomist8359]

Good info, but im tired of her already

[@nelliarnaut2086]

nope, not sitting through this one.

[@shutterbug2061]

More labels….ugh.

[@wendycarter5718]

Utter piffle !!

[@honorburza9110]

I’d not heard of ambivert

[@tasophy]

NOPE! Asking weekly to my friends, what are you leaning? Sounds pretentious. Follow her advice and you'll find miserable alone very soon.

[@You.m685]

😂😂😂botox fce

[@NotMyGumDropButtons.444]

Awkwardness is the new black

[@loualban]

Boring

[@booswalia]

That's depressing.

[@SummumBonum.]

Pure bs.