Why You SHOULDN'T Divorce Your Cheating Spouse

[@valerielinares2068]

@12:14 - "If you don't really love the other person, you're probably not willing to make that kind of sacrifice." This is offensive. It is essentially guilt-tripping the victim of the cheating. The one who was cheated on has every right to feel the way they feel. They were betrayed, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. To make this sort of comment is... invalidating to the victim of their spouse's cheating. The one who cheats broke the covenant they agreed to the day they got married. Because of that, the victim of the cheating has every right to get divorced. If _they_ choose to stay in it and work on their marriage, that's _their_ choice. They should *NOT* be guilted into sticking out a very painful situation by being accused off "not loving them enough." Obviously, the victim loved the person who cheated, otherwise, they would not be as effected by it as they were. Also, something important that was not addressed here, that _should_ have been addressed here, is the circumstances when the one who cheated does not see that what they did was wrong and sees no need to change. You cannot rescue someone who doesn't see a need to be rescued. You cannot change someone who doesn't see a need to change.

[@uwagakondogasabo840]

Agreed

[@MrAllysonn]

Drop the mic!!!!!!!!

[@dyanajones3298]

God has much to say about treacherous, abusive, foolish, evil, lying, manipulative, adulterous, people/spouses. Clearly these treacherous husband's do not love their wives, according to scripture. That edge a man will being himself to that was mentioned.....not the victim's responsibility.

[@yewo.m]

Very true. Forgiveness relies on someone having repented

[@bigfoot444_4]

I did divorce because of it and couldn't be happier, good riddance. No regrets

[@sinfulyetsaved]

Everyone being cheated on needs to take a hard look at themselves and figure out things about co dependence, narcissistic traits, attachment styles, BPD traits, etc. There is a lot to learn of oneself generally there is no innocent party involved in the affair sometimes maybe but rarely it generally a result of two disfunctional people that lacks healthy communication and feels the need to cheat.. The best thing one can do it take your attention off the affair partner and focus on getting yourself some help healing and address the flaws you have. There is no guarantee this person will change, my ex never did, still instagraming, Still spending money she dont have still dating different men. The best thing I did was work on me. And yes there was a lot wrong with me as well. It takes humility and a lot of self responsibility to own up to your part.

[@lizzyg1758]

This right here is the way forward !!

[@thelostcreole]

The question is.....why divorce? If Your spouse lives ANY lifestyle that is contrary to a healthy environment and is not willing to repent....just leave.

[@Gambit19900]

My mom endured so much in her 23 yrs of marriage. It took her that long to walk away from my toxic dad. I saw how my mom worked hard to save her marriage. I asked her what made you stay this long and she said everytime she thinks of leaving him she would hold onto that thought that he’ll change as long as she’s by his side. But it didn’t work. Now my dad changed he goes to church and dedicated his time in serving a drug rehabilitation. What’s sad is it took a divorce to wake him up from his addictions.

[@susanbeecher9831]

Already tried and he had another affair for a year and a half with the same woman!!! He's now back with this woman while married to me and he has asked me for a divorce!!! After all of this I am still praying for God's will be done and I feel so ignorant in even praying this.... It's very obvious that this man doesn't want to be with me and I am okay with that. I'm excited for the future God has for me going forward!!! Edit to say: I use to be so very Angry but I'm not like that anymore, i don't feel that in my heart anymore!! I believe he may have some guilt bc of things he still does!!!

[@kerrymillar1267]

Good luck, I wish you all the best.

[@lindaasulin7200]

Sry u went through that!Thank you for sharing ur experience,strength and courage

[@mwh3227]

It's not so much the affair, it's the fact that you were betrayed by the person that you love is what makes it so painful! Throughout our marriage I always suspected that my wife was cheating! Of course when I found out for certain, I would learn that she was a serial cheater. My first reaction was to get a divorce! However, with three small children, I realized that being with them was far more important than my feelings. I felt an obligation to make sure that my children were raised to the best of my ability! I also realized staying married would be best for their nurturing. Now man years later, I feel like I've done the right thing! I've seen through others just how disruptive divorce can be for the healthy development of a child. My wife is a good mother! We chose to bring children into this world! A lot of responsibility comes with that! As far as my marriage, I've taken a different approach. "It's not cheating if you know about it" and make it acceptable! In essence, it amounts to an "open" marriage! Now the funny thing. Once she had the green light to be with other men, it somehow killed the urge. Post menopause might of helped too! Anyway, I could go on about this! But, the bottom line is - you can never truly forgive, and you certainly cannot forget! But as with the other cruelties of life, you have to move forward and make the best of things! Think about this, there are marriages where neither partner cheats, and yet they still hate each other!

[@kerrymillar1267]

Did you find the impact of the second time was diminished. The first time I was absolutely devastated, the second time I was upset but just kind of got over it and didn’t even bother taking it personally. I already knew he wasn’t the person I fell in love with anymore. Respect to you for staying with her to be a dad to your children. That took strength of character.

[@georyin872]

my wife cheated for at least half year. I am still with her now. But I believe I will leave someday

[@elizabethfunes3029]

@@georyin872 I'm sorry for what you've gone through but why would you stay if you feel as if you will leave one day you won't get younger or happier staying with the gut feeling that one day you will leave.

[@georyin872]

@@elizabethfunes3029 I feel I am not strong enough to live a single life. I am trying to be more healthy and stronger. I am 57 and she is 54. For the first 30 days I could not sleep. I always had nightmare for several months. Now I feel much better. I can live like a normal person. I don't love her anymore. Tommorrow is sunday, She already told me she will go to shopping centers. She once spent all her Sundays with her affair partner pretending to go to shopping centers. I still don't know how to handle that.I know I need to leave. But I reallly dont know how and when

[@Linda-bj3bb]

​@@georyin872I can't give you advise without asking you if you want it? You don't need anyone's help to navigate through life. Don't allow anyone to be critical or disapproving of your decisions. You don't need a parent you are a parent. You also know what you need and when you need it. Only you know what keeps you where you are.

[@Christimony222]

I do agree with him and I am someone who is very anti cheating because Health is my number one value and cheating exposes you to stds and essentially death. I am also huge on self confidence and cheating is attack to self esteem; however - I also understand that marriages is two people coming together and dealing with their personal challenges. Your partner mains struggle may be self-control or validation. A man who was bullied growing up may struggle with validation and the enemy may use that against him by sending a beautiful woman to sway him. The enemy’s job is to divide and conquer. I’m not making excuses because the woman may have that same issue and handle it better (or vice versa) but I’m saying a spouse - we are basically taking on that person’s personal trauma and struggles. It’s never going to be pretty or fair. It will always hurt the other person. It will always make you want to leave and we don’t get to choose which way it shows up. It will hurt the ego. But, to truly defeat the enemy and honor what our marriage vows mean - we can’t just divorce every Time we are tested. For one person - cheating may be easy to deny but for the partner that truly struggles with that - that may be the test. And, that partner will also be tested with the personal trauma that shows up in you and commitment is not leaving each other just because the test is hard and hurts.

[@Texan_Gal]

I disagree because if I sleep with another man who just happened to “perform” better than my spouse, and my spouse forgives me, that lover will forever be on my mind every single time my spouse and I make love. Same with the man. He will forever remember that other body.

[@cindykellar4080]

Yeah. That’s called a soul tie.

[@cindyr.5521]

Therapy might help for some

[@tresfielder3148]

Truth.

[@katrinagarnett3256]

But if they were sexually active before you married them, wouldn't every woman he's been with present that same threat? I believe you can be healed of a soul tie.

[@Random-rt5ec]

I'll agree that strong healthy marriages are the best thing for communities. I am older & when I was a kid most women were stay at home mom's and I always felt safe with all the mom's keeping an eye on the neighborhood. Back then parents did not fear letting their kids go out to play on their own, instead we were told to get out of the house and don't come back until super time 5:00pm & don't be late.

[@JustIdeas000]

But, Dr Beams, “grace is not a place to wipe your feet”. How many times do we have to offer grace? Surely there is a point at which you can do no more?

[@cindykellar4080]

And how many times has God offered you grace & mercy????

[@anthonyfelix2972]

When I saw the title to the video I had a strong bias against it. I have very strong feelings against infidelity. But it's because of that I should listen to what you have to say, I shouldn't make big decisions on how I feel alone but balance them with rational and virtues I believe and strive for. I don't see marriage as the same as a relationship so it shouldn't end as abruptly.

[@Nupur.b]

I go to sleep at night listening to you both and it gives me inner peace. Thank you.

[@vongie_m]

Rescue a whole grown person who was wise enough to make the decision to get married? And “if you love the person…” must be applied in both directions. Otherwise the marriage is one sided. The betrayed partner cannot carry the burden of maintaining the marriage because “they must show mercy”. The cheating partner should have also showed grace by not putting their spouse through that. I completely disagree with this whole video. Heavily side eyeing this man. He’s whole stance is little sus 😒

[@exJBnz]

There are serial cheaters should never be given another chance

[@georyin872]

my wife is a serial cheater

[@petrosnemardos]

​@@georyin872Madness.

[@chelseashamim9148]

​@@georyin872divorce

[@lindaasulin7200]

Once a cheater usually a cheater I don’t believe they deserve another chance.a person capable of hurting u like that is certainly not deserving of a loyal spouse!!!!!if it happened more than once especially!!!!!it’s not just a mistake

[@hardin1271]

Completely false.

[@MrAllysonn]

I wholeheartedly disagree. Omg. It almost offensive to explain why a wife/husband should not leave and divorce his spouse like seriously? To vow to remain faithful and the spouse betray you? usually the spouse who cheat will do it again, no real apologies and change behaviour? Divorce is an option yes! maintaining a healhty relationship with a ex spouse cheater because children are involve? Yes for sure. Making the spouse stay who is being cheating on guild-trip and manipulate the person to stay? Its a huge no. DIVORCE.

[@Michael-en3yl]

As jesus said let ye who is without sin cast the first stone.

[@MrAllysonn]

@@Michael-en3yl so in another word, because everyone sin so a wife/husband should stay in marriage where spouse is being unfaithful? Using the Bible verse to manipulate someone to stay is also a cues that something is way off. I would leave my husband in a heart beat swear on Bible! Believe that. Amen.

[@lunasol8215]

Thank you so much. This video has really helped me. I’m so glad i found it. ❤

[@docb1844]

I have seen married couples with one spouse actively cheating or otherwise still actively in contact with the affair partner (e.g., still working with them, still texting them, still social media friends with them, etc) become very destructive and violent domestic situations. Idk how common this is in generals but I have anecdotally and subjectively seen it many times. Shouldn’t the couple be separated somehow if the cheating spouse is still choosing to move toward the affair partner in some way (rather than moving away from the affair partner)? Otherwise it could easily be unsafe.

[@RandomPerson28337]

Like with any decision you have to weight the pros and cons and then think about the impact of that decision. Sometimes it's would be good sometimes it may cause you everything. Depending on the level of cheating things can be fixed. However if a man or woman cheats on you the relationship is basically over. They have no respect for you and mostly never loved you to begin with. A close friend would never sell you out or stab you in the back. Your wife or husband is supposed to be your best friend.

[@docb1844]

Is there a resource about the different “types” of affairs (like you mentioned something called ‘high-opportunity/low-investment’)???

[@toddupchurch1028]

Sorry. Cannot disagree more.

[@jaybah836]

No I'm divorcing them if they cheat on me

[@MrRFAvery]

I completely disagree. If one spouse cheats, It will happen again. Divorce is the only answer. No point in dragging it out. Cheating is no mistake it is a choice. I could not live with a cheater.

[@Macsinvideo]

An addict will Always find money … and cheating has usually a deeper issue and it’s a stressful life to stay

[@ntienseoscarisobara2522]

What if the spouse is cheating with multiple partners?

[@petrosnemardos]

I don't think they are talking about staying with that kind of person in this video tbh.

[@MrAllysonn]

Divorce the spouse.

[@infinitwatspeed69]

Military moves put a marriage/children to a great test.

[@MarkSummers-g2n]

Some people have to learn An Expensive Lesson!

[@bernardkehoe7610]

Kimberly husband is super lucky what a women and imagine having this guy as your father in-law what an amazing relationship they have.

[@pharmclare]

Very true and helpful insights, thanks

[@MrsGator7]

Rescue? WTH!

[@deldoe2398]

What if your spouse is an extreme narcissist; caused so much pain and trauma (physically and mentally; life threatening situations repeatedly)? I gave him ongoing chances for redemption. His violence never seemed to cease.

[@MrAllysonn]

He has loads of issue and you needs to leave him.

[@PQsGal123]

I'm divorcing a serial cheater. I can't wait until it is final. I am already happier than I ever was in the 28yrs I was with the cheater.

[@a.d.b535]

Sounds hard to get by and regain the trust. I'd have the suspicion going thru mind for a loooooonnng time and he'd need to do a ton of reassuring.

[@tresfielder3148]

Trust is VERY rarely the same after cheating.

[@alycianygaard808]

The woman you spoke of who did the work to save her husband, the one who had the problem within him…I’m interested to know what course of action that takes from the perspective of the wife in the situation you shared. Especially when the spouse needing the work is not the one doing the work

[@cowgirl9014]

My grandmother tolerated my grandfather’s cheating up until the point where he started breaking furniture with her head.

[@cherlysosa80]

I love it 🙏

[@manabsharma8861]

If my wife Cheated on me, i would send all my property to my mom, so she will not get mine half property, and I will forgive her, forget her and Find another Loyalty Women, I deserved to win Child Custody because child shouldn't live with Unfaithful parents or they will become like them in future, I don't give damm about Second Chance or if she keeping begging to keep marriage, i won't give her second chance cuz Its my opinion

[@brendadean9291]

I strongly believe that you should leave and divorce a cheating spouse.If you stay you have lost all respect for yourself. Why try and save your marriage if the husband has shown you who they are.

[@MJ-ru7lz]

I suspect many of these people who have commented have not actually listened to this all the way through! 😂

[@dianal3542]

But Dr Beam, you did exactly the opposite of what you advice. Do as I say not as I do 😂

[@gabrielhills4780]

Am really following keenly

[@brandonmaddox4862]

I did the ultimate mistake and cheated on my wife, it’s a choice I regret everyday and since she discovered it, we tried to work through it, and for a while it was good and apparently according to her when I felt that it was better, I relaxed and didn’t try anymore, and the sad part is maybe I believed it was better but maybe I was kidding myself. Now, she told me this morning she wants a separation, albeit a in house separation in order to keep order family together to protect our kids. I’m still trying to process this because on one hand I know I still don’t deserve her trust and I can’t force her to trust even though the thought of ever doing it again makes me physically sick to think about. Don’t get me wrong, we still love each other and there’s the part of both of us that want to be together but at this point we’re so sick emotionally that we have so much to work on ourselves. I’m still in the anger/denial portion of this because I don’t know how to process is at this time. I know the road ahead is gonna be rough but I’m 50/50 on it because I want to be a better husband and gain her trust but i know that at any moment she could throw up her hands and leave, and I probably deserve it but I can’t imagine my life without her and the thought of it makes me question if I even I have anything worth sticking around for

[@martinalmeida288]

God is the key. I say that as my own experience. I was the one that did the cheating and regret every action of my life because I wasn't living as a Godly man. I had to lose everything to find God. The pain hurts everyday. Im broken and lost and don't know where my wife and I will end up. Repent of your sins and faithfully follow God. He does things no one else can.

[@RandomPerson28337]

If you loved her you wouldnt have cheated to begin with. You gotta live with those consequences. No more wife for you.

[@martinalmeida288]

@pixelchronicles7272 I couldn't agree with you more. Living with the consequence is what I have to do. Repenting, learning from my actions and turning to build a relationship with God is what I'm doing. God gives and God takes. I agree with you.

[@Uzi1032]

⁠Not growing up with a family. Not understanding the difference between love and lust. Thinking that lust is love. Not understanding that love is a choice not necessarily a feeling. This immaturity is what leads to making the worse choice of a persons life. You can absolutely love your partner and fall victim to immaturity and ignorance. The monsters are the people who understand, they are mature and they decide to cause destruction anyways.

[@kham7571]

Fascinating

[@kaizenexcellens]

Thanks Joe and Kimberley - you might find there are other factors for example emotional affairs with a cult or particular church, or as we saw during a particular US president and a virus political identify affairs. That is a subject I have not yet seen you cover.

[@JeanLewis-y6c]

Cheaters gadlight u reality

[@Slc81]

This is insanity. Gross

[@ILIKEEGGS2221]

Cringe

[@SteelSaint749]

A wife can force her husband to go outside the marriage any time she feels like it. She will have forced his hand (quite literally) and every time he has to resort to that, she is showing him that his needs do not matter and that he is better served elsewhere. Wives have no right to get upset when another woman senses his duress and takes advantage of the situation. The selfish, lazy, covenant-breaking wife opened the door for it.

[@chelseashamim9148]

And women can do the same when men can't get it up.

[@jeremycarpenter5550]

​@@chelseashamim9148 that's sin if a wife goes out side the marriage it's sin if the husband goes out side the marriage sinis sin two wrongs don't make a right .