Wife Claims Our Son Is Being "So Gay On Purpose", Husband Calls Her Out AITA

[@goromajima7677]

Story 4: “ah, granny’s having a heart attack, it ruined our wedding, but she survived, so come on gran, pay up” /NTA

[@yabe-kfptentacultist]

1st story: OP are you sure your wife doesn't hate the fact her son is gay? NTA

[@Acidfunkish]

Being homophobic just makes gay people want to ham up the camp even more.

[@a.u.t.057]

yeah was wondering that because it sounds like she hasn't come to terms with her son being gay.

[@bobbyjay205]

@@Acidfunkish which is wrong, cuz that is antagonizing, and reinforces their hate

[@cuteizombi6946]

I really hope there's an update on this

[@SGT676]

Yo bro pls help me. She won't stop sending me to the usual room. Please let the press know about the shit going on at KFP. Oh God! She's coming I didn't mean...........

[@aikikaname6508]

I want to know how the crap he even got away with locking the kid out during a tornado warning. If I was a parent, the first thing I’d do is locate my freaking toddler and make sure they’re secured

[@deppnut1]

Unless they were at work and he was in charge. Granted, that would still have them in suck category considering how abusive he was.

[@thecraftycyborg9024]

Umm, a 6yo isn’t a toddler yes. Yes, she was a young child and they should have looked for her, but your terminology is wrong.

[@alexisgrunden1556]

@Melody Ackerman For regular bullying, I'd call that harsh (varying in severity from just a bit to WAY too much so; depends on the bullying and the school itself), but for this? Oh, yeah; a little TLC from a drill instructor was definitely what that punk needed. And the parents are pathetic enablers for not protecting their daughter better, and even worse for trying to demand and guilt her into coming to the funeral. Guess we know who the GC was...and who won't be ever seeing any potential grandkids or getting help later on in life, too~

[@Sascha-bf1kw]

S3: bE a BiGgeR PERsoN, Oh shut up! In those storys people who say this should get a huge fine for this!

[@TheLunarWitch5162]

Story 1: NTA, your daughter said an actor is attractive, but god forbid your son said the same thing lol. Take it from a bi woman, your wife *is* a hypocrite

[@bobbyjay205]

even futher, the daughter comments on the female actors wardrobe and it's ok too cuz it's normal in our society.

[@xevilgothgirlx]

yeah, and a homophobic hypocrite at that.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@Gabrielle Boilard OMG yes I hate those. My mom is one of those sometimes. She loves me, I know that, but she wishes I wasn’t trans. She tries to hide it, of course, but actions speak louder than words. She likes to claim I’m “too young” to be sure, and avoids using pronouns when referencing me (like not even “they”, just my name, which I don’t really mind but it’s telling of her true thoughts), and hasn’t told her family yet (been out 2+ years). It’s not the worst kind of person, I mean sometimes they at least try, but it’s frustrating for sure.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@Gabrielle Boilard tsym :)

[@bobbyjay205]

@@thedestroyasystem i'm with you, I have heard "he's one of the good ones" for being gay or jewish. I really get it.

[@Mewse1203]

"So gay on purpose" I mean...he IS gay. It is a state of being. He can't NOT be gay, he just is. She on the otherhand is just rude on purpose.

[@samuelwolch1302]

Unless he’s Bi and even then he would be half gay.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@samuelwolch1302 no he's still gay

[@samuelwolch1302]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 not saying he isn’t gay. Though judging from the wife’s behavior, I have to wonder if she’s as tolerant of LGBTQ+ people as OP claims she is.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@samuelwolch1302 yeah

[@steveyoung6083]

NTA your son did an apologetic smile which means he feels it's because of him you need to let him know it's not his fault , you just don't agree with your wife's actions.

[@TheNormExperience]

Dude, you didn’t ruin the movie for your children - your WIFE did! You saved the day. You’re the Dad every gay friend I have WISHED they had growing up. Never stop standing up for your children! And good for you.

[@aprilfox9205]

So she was abused, they did nothing about it, and now they've disowned her. Omfg, my soul hurts, this is so sad...😢

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

And OP said her parents tried to do stuff about it but really all they did was possibly take him to one therapy session and scold harsh and that was it. Sounds to me like they enabled his toxic behavior and its why he was like that in the first place. Personally if I wasn't child free and was those parents I would be doing all I could to cut that behavior. If some how even a behavior therapist couldn't solve this I think there would be only one resort left.

[@cgi2002]

@Melody Ackerman sad truth is, OP was likely been actively supportive by not attending. Imagine the parents feelings when OP is the only person at the funeral with a party hat,l and an ear to ear grin, and when asked "why they are there" responds with "to make sure he's actually dead". But seriously, OP wouldn't have been mourning the loss of a brother, they'd have been celebrating the death of their abuser or more likely, not caring at all. Seeing your child acting like that would have destroyed most parents, so it was an act of kindness not to attend. The parents are only annoyed because OP has made them realise they failed, they had persuaded themselves that it wasn't nearly as bad as OP told them, so when it became apparent it was, they were forced to reevaluate their parenting and instead of been reasonable about that, they are lashing out at OP.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@cgi2002 They're still failing in that regard considering their response was to play the victim and give their child the silent treatment because she couldn't make herself be sad for their favorite kid. One kid just died and the first thing they do is push the other one away after attempting to guilt trip them to attend the funeral. I don't think they ever did much for their daughter. She might have been focused on the brother because his behavior was more obvious, but I wouldn't be surprised if the parents weren't the best either.

[@x1tekja]

Honestly her being disowned is potentially the iron lid being dropped on the pit of vipers. From there with a lot of work and self care she could move forward to build her own loving family.

[@sarahlyon157]

I would have gone, asked to make a speech, aired my grievances, and told everyone that I am not sad he died. Then I would at least deserved it when my parents disowned me.

[@Mewse1203]

"What would you do in this situation" Not be married to someone so hateful... And threatening to kick out a kid for cussing is bullshit.

[@maggpiprime954]

Ikr? _Ooooo! A 15yo kid said the f-word! Shocking!_ Get bent, lady.

[@Mewse1203]

@@maggpiprime954 for sure. People make way too big a deal about curse words. For Christ's sake, if you have a word that you aren't allowed to use, but CAN use another word with the exact same meaning and usage, what's the point? Like Crap and shit. Literally different spellings of the same word. Why is "shit" bad?

[@tyrannapusandfriends6254]

Imagine trying to kick out someone who isn’t a legal adult over a word

[@draughtoflethe]

@Madison Yeah. Slurs are a legitimate concern, because they're basically the shortened version of "people who belong to X group are less than fully human," and that's not okay. But simply uttering a word that means feces or sexual intercourse? That's a tempest in a teacup if ever there was one.

[@Mewse1203]

@Zak Strayder i am none of those things but i made clear to my kids pretty early that "cuss" words are bullshit. All words can hurt or be vulgar if used "right".

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 4: OP's family is not worthy of being called family. They bullied her into that panic attack. She needs to cut them off. Make a friend, just one. Then gradually build a tribe. DNA does not make someone family. My family is a lot like hers and I had similar thoughts when I was her age, but I had friends who made sure to pull me back from the edge of the abyss countless times. As a matter of fact, being there for each other is what made us close for over 2 decades. And I did find someone special - at the age of 31. She turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

[@yourmom2189]

I didn’t find my person until I was 43. I had given up just like OP. But that’s when we found each other. Everyday I’m grateful for her and I actually am looking forward to the future when I will be able to call her my wife! Life is full of surprises no matter how pessimistic you are. Lol

[@yourmom2189]

Also, congratulations! I’m so happy for you and your love! 🫶

[@mriddley]

Story 3: be the bigger person I'm so sick of hearing that just say what you mean "hey I know this person hurt you but can you just suck it up and keep taking the abuse because we're to lazy/dont give a shit enough to help you"

[@grizbear4115]

Yeah, and why is it always the harmed party told this? Why not the one who did the actual damage?!

[@Ventusokami]

Dude I hate that it happen to me and I hate it except the 3-5 times it worked in my favor

[@KCCAT5]

I Saw somebody make a comment about that phrase and another video earlier today. It was , "be the bigger person" equals to mean, "be the better doormat."

[@Ventusokami]

@@KCCAT5 yea pretty much

[@niyablake]

Pissed me off that some said the funeral is for the living and that OP is an AH for not supporting the parents

[@sarahjaneuldricks6729]

"Be the better/bigger person" = Ignore everything that has ever happened to you in favour of making the family look happy and together so we can sweep everything under the rug and 'prove' that you actually loved your abuser and that it wasn't as bad as you said it was. :)

[@rickhernandez7666]

IN this case, yes, OP should have gone to the funeral. Funerals aren't for the corpse, they're for the mourners. Of course she doesn't owe that creep anything, but she should have gone for her grieving parents. (And maybe she would have gotten a chance to spit on his corpse)

[@tamitami7396]

@@rickhernandez7666 I would agree but the parents allowed the abuse.

[@skyler3785]

You know when You think about it the parents cut OP off meaning they probably don’t consider her their daughter anymore so yeah he technically got what he wanted after he died. Being the only child. I can guarantee people that don’t know I’m ask if they had children they will say yeah we had one he sadly died. I know this sucks but this is probably the reality of the situation and it clear that the parents didn’t do much to protect OP.

[@princesspanda12012]

@@rickhernandez7666 I disagree with you

[@carolroberts4614]

I don't believe op should have gone to the funeral if she doesn't want to! The parents had each other, and op would have received no comfort from being there.

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 3: NTA. Bro, this man locked you outside when there was a whole tornado nearby.

[@mariahramsey9211]

Story 1: The OP's wife is problematic. She might not have explicitly stated that she disliked that her son is gay, but it's there in her actions. The OP did the right thing to stand up for him, and hope he keeps doing it.

[@carolroberts4614]

Dad is a star!

[@donnyabner8446]

On the second one with the parent paying off their children's student loans but being called the AH for it, I have an idea for you. It's your money, don't pay anything for anyone and take care of yourself. You don't owe them a cent and if what your going to give is going to cause a problem then don't do it.

[@missluciddreams3472]

Story one: NTA and ur wife does hate ur son... it's so obvious.

[@bluecarnallove7851]

Am I the only one that gets pissed off when I hear people use things like "get a grip" and "just stop" when referring to mental illness? That commenter was a piece of crap. You don't just "get a grip" on illnesses, mental or not. It is NOT that easy to deal with them. Kudos to those that have their problems under control, but not everyone will be that far or even that lucky depending and not everyone has the courage to seek help when they need it even though they know they should; it takes a lot to talk about your problems, especially with a stranger. At least OP is trying to find help and I'm equally bothered by the person that commented there are still options available during COVID. Frankly, I wouldn't want my first appointment to be over Zoom or whatever either. In my mind, that's such an uncomfortable and impersonal way of meeting a therapist.

[@bluecarnallove7851]

@Melody Ackerman As someone with depression, I may be biased, but I disagree. None of OP's excuses blames anyone or anything but themselves. Therapy is difficult to find because it sounds like they want a personal meeting rather than a video/voice call; understandable, but also a personal choice. Their mental illness takes priority over finding a partner; as it should, obviously, but they don't believe they'll find anyone anyway. Which is a personal problem likely caused by what's wrong with their brain. This doesn't scream "I'm the victim", it screams "I fucking suck but I want to try to treat it". Also, I won't be replying further than this because I automatically don't like you based on principle, so kindly walk away with your "get a grip" nonsense.

[@madamepockieh4706]

I could feel myself literally shake with rage hearing the "get a grip" commenter. I feel where the OP is coming from and they truly do need help that they havent been able to get yet but it sounds they are making the effort to seek help after the wedding now they noticed something is wrong. Something I would love to point out is that not all people with depression symptoms/anxiety or ANY Mental health is the same. Yes there are common links but it affect everyone differently. My panic attacks/PTSD are always different from full out fleeing and crying to my brain literally shutting down and I'm not able to do something about it. While the "get a grip" could work on someone who is very lightly afflicted its still a shitty thing to say cause it makes you sound like you dont care or understand how much that this mental break actually affects their brain. Get a grip just sounds like a shitty way of saying Just Do it from ages back. If anyone told me during a PTSD induced panic attack to get a grip, I would likely punch them after the fact lol.

[@tada4945]

@Melody Ackerman Mental health is extremely personal, forcing treatment will only make things worse, you can only do this if the person is a threat to themselves and/or others. And only short term. Medical treatment of every kind, which, yeah, therapy counts as, is something a person has to choose. And it can take years to get to that point, as, if done incorrectly, and make things much worse.

[@homesick.]

ugh tysm! i rlly needed to hear that. mental health is a pain in the ass to deal with and it’s not easy as everyone makes it seem. story 4 really reminded me of myself and stuff that i struggle with. ty for ur kind words stranger (‘:

[@Metal_Mouth]

Irk? It’s a common response in aita when the topic is on panic attacks- it’s beyond stupid. Its called a panic attack for a reason! And they’re not the same for everyone, some ppl can tell the symptoms and either avoid it or go to a safe place, but others come up suddenly with little to no warning, and it seem like this is very new to op so of course they wouldn’t know how to handle it, and it’s not like they could’ve avoid it see as they described it as being “sudden” and this was their first attack. Time and time again reddit, particularly aita, has shown themselves to be unsympathetic and downright cruel towards people with panic/anxiety attacks. They veiw it as an issue with accountability and mindset rather than a health issue that it is. This isn’t something to “get over” or therapy bandaid over, especially when we’re in the middle of pandemic and everyone is on 8-6 month waitlists (including the op themselves!), and the ppl who are playing reddit shrinks need to quite it. But seeing how this is a very new post it seemed like the ESH/YTA verdicts are now getting bombarded with counter NTAs, still not enough to off set the karma they raked in, but enough to change it from ESH to NTA. (Also am I getting this twisted or did the cousin had their wedding in the middle of a pandemic??? This isn’t the main point of the story, and the op did say it was 30 ppl but that doesn’t sound safe)

[@Oatmealism]

Story 4 hit really close to home for me, they are absolutely NTA. I've struggled a lot with mental health and my anxiety disorders and such over the years, after a recent auto accident I was involved in my mental health really tanked. I understand their sentiment, feeling like they're never going to find someone, and that they're going to stay alone, I've felt the same for years. On top of which, I can say the loneliness you feel when you have friends and family at your fingertips, is a lot more crushing and debilitating then the loneliness you feel when there really is no one there. I wish them well, I hope they can find out that they aren't damaged, or broken, and that there is someone out there waiting for them. I hope their therapy solves their problems and makes their life turn around, no one deserves to live like this. And, if for an off chance the OP does find this video, and read these comments. You're not alone, You've got people out there who care about you, worry about you, and wish you well, Depression and anxiety are no joke, stay strong, keep trying to find a way through it, you've got people who believe in you and care about you, even if you don't know it. You are loved.

[@deppnut1]

WOW, can't believe people are saying ESH and calling OP an idiot in story 4. She had a mental health crises caused by her Aunt's and from her description she was no longer aware of how bad it was. Let the heartless witches (Aunts) pay for the damage THEY caused. Nothing like kicking someone when they are already down.

[@lightningblade24]

man the commenters for this story really upset me. I hate how so many of them called them out for feeling lonely and like they'll never find love. I'm 25 and i feel the same way. I have depression, and i was also verbally abused my whole life and literally told that I wasn't good enough because of my looks and therefore wouldn't be able to get what I want in life, including a romantic partner. my parents told me they couldn't even look at me the last time I saw them, because I was so hideous. so... yeah, I have some pessimistic attitude towards love. this person doesn't deserve to be judged for that comment. you never know what they went through. even so. it doesn't matter. with depression, you cant just turn that off.

[@homesick.]

it really made me mad when those commenters were saying stuff like op was trying to make themselves a victim, that’s not the case at all and i really feel for op. feelings of loneliness are serious and telling someone to just “get a grip” is going to make them feel even more isolated and alone

[@lunanight2151]

I honestly didn’t think I was going to find someone until I was 25-30 however one of my friends who lives in another state interduced me to my now boyfreind. Love has a way of sneaking up on u and it sometimes takes u not looking while just being in the right place.

[@piffba]

All the people saying “ESH, your attitude on love is ridiculous. You’re only 25🙄” seem devoid of empathy. It’s clear that OP is struggling and telling them, in a mean way, that they’re an AH because “ooh they don’t seem to understand there isn’t a limit on love” feels like completely missing the point to me. I will say NTA and I hope OP gets help and realizes they will, most definitely, find love.

[@paden1865able]

Calling out assholes for being hypocrites should be a way of life...

[@nukerwolf7788]

It's what Jesus did

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 2: The one who graduated 20K in debt set the benchmark for how much was really necessary to obtain a comparable level of education. OP could easily make it even by paying off that amount for each of them. If the one who thought the extra cost was worth it, let her deal with that extra cost on her own. But then she will probably use that as an excuse to accuse OP of playing favorites even though she knew in advance that she was going to be on the hook for the whole bill. And now she's trying to look a gift horse in the mouth. Story 3: Enablers Story 4: Somebody said it was all OP's fault for ruining the wedding by not dipping out when the bottom started to drop out. That's not how a fucking mental breakdown works. OP said, "I remember slumping to the ground crying but after that my brain just... shut off." It sounds like the breakdown was already in full swing before that moment. It also sounds like we're not getting the full story here, like this family might have a long history of singling OP out for passive aggressive comments designed to undercut OP's self worth. And whoever said that was OP's fault is probably the kind of person who would go and collect on OP's "debt" to the cousin. Whoever you are, just make sure to reinforce how worthless OP is for being single with no prospects for romance. But that's what tends to happen when you're surrounded by people who show you nothing but disregard and contempt. You begin to see red flags everywhere, in everything that everyone says and does, made worse by the fact that it has been drilled into you your whole life that you deserve nothing more. So again I say, make sure you rub all of that in when you go to brutally extort every cent you can out of OP. I'm obviously being flippant. But that doesn't mean that the sentiment missed the mark in terms of how this situation unfolded, and continues to unfold.

[@lct1196]

For story 4- didn't even listen to the whole thing to know she had a panic attack. Same exact thing happened to my sister when my aunt was asking why she didn't want to go to prom. Some people just really have no idea what a boundary is. Hope OP's getting better!

[@annageorge8406]

I went to prom, there was no food and had only water, and even that ran out

[@little_lion_heart9850]

The last one sounds like OP has been made to feel totally unlovable. Idk if that is from the family, loss of parents, mental illness or some combination. I can't imagine thinking life and love are over at 25. I'm 29 and have been single since I was 22. It is my choice to be single, but I don't feel worried that I missed a deadline or anything. If I change my mind I could start seeking a relationship at any time. I hope OP can get therapy and build some confidence.

[@Skyfire_The_Goth]

I'm 43 and haven't had a GF since 2012 and even I don't think I'll never find someone again, I just know I need to work on some things for myself, like my mental and emotional health, I'm bi-polar, it leans to depression and I have anxiety like the OP, but unlike OP I recognize it and know I just need to work on it and get it under as much control as possible before I try to find a relationship. I agree that OP has been so beat down by her situations that she just broke, I've done it recently, just broke and cried, not even knowing why I was crying, must have been on auto-pilot for a few days after because I don't even remember going to work for a few days, but my boss said I was there, though I did seem distant and kinda unresponsive to her which was unlike me, but I was still doing my job so she didn't want to pry too much. My mom, who is my ride to work until my car is back on the road, also said she noticed I was distant and not acting like myself, and when she'd try to talk to me about it I'd just go silent and not talk at all.

[@QueenSunstar]

I’m in my mid 30s and stopped being single at 32. I married my wife at the courthouse as soon as Covid allowed. I never thought I would find love, nor move toward marriage as fast as we did. It’s like we’ve always known each other. I’m lesbian by the way. When you know, you know.

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

She could have been the victim of sexual abuse or assault and know that she does not want that. It 's pretty common to be sex repulsed and might also explain a sudden panic attack at pressure to find a man.

[@webslingingspider]

Last story, nta everyone who said esh is stupid because, "Your breakdown rouined the wedding"

[@HackiePuffs]

Gotta love the victim shamers of Reddit/s

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

I was hella pissed at those people. I was literally mouthing stfu under my breath. I especially hate the one that used there own mental health reactions to tell OP they should have "got up and left." News flash, not everyone who has a panic attack reacts the same, some people are paralyzed during the entire thing. Ugh I want to slap some people.

[@Roboboyjinx]

@@rutyqutykandi1361 exactly this!!! I know when my panic attacks are coming on and I literally get paralyzed and cannot move no matter how much I want to! Everyone is different and cause cause that commenter can get up and leave doesn’t mean everyone can in that situation.

[@voidstepstudios5133]

For the 4th story, the second ESH verdict clearly doesn't understand how depression works. it can make you think very negatively about a lot of things, including love life and being alone. Really, anyone who voted ESH should look at that first comment and rethink things..

[@MetallicPetals]

Story 4: I remember when I had a panic attack, I have actually had a few, and to the commenter saying to just leave, for me. I can barely move my legs or even arms, I try but can just very gently wobble them, but nothing else

[@fangchick93]

My heart hurt for the op who had a panic attack. I've been there when my mom died (I even considered hurting myself). I want to hug them.

[@57daysproductions]

Story 3: You are never ever ever obligated to go to ANYONE's funeral. Funerals are for closure, and if that's not how you find it, then you don't need to go. Funerals are a huge trigger for me. I tried to go to one for my bf's family a couple years back and ended up having a panic attack in the parking lot. The people at the funeral will be there for each other. You do not need to put yourself in a bad place mentally for them. Especially if they're practically denying your trauma.

[@sirenvampire0721]

I feel for the OP in the third story, I had a creepy relative that died last year, I didn’t want to go to his memorial service and told my parents about it. One of them was trying to convince me to go just so I could see family at the service, but I stood my ground and had a nice visit with one of my uncles that didn’t go either on that day instead

[@15oClock]

1. Oh wow. If this is one of the times OP catches, what's going on behind his back? 2. Susan would've probably benefited from this information! Still, I’m not sure this $40k-$40k arrangement is needed. 3. Lance could've killed OP; to say he's never treated OP like family is an understatement! Don't even bother. 4. No one could've predicted that, nor would one predict a heart attack. Of course, with family like that, OP's situation isn't surprising.

[@firesoftheasylum7890]

Fuck, I'd be happy just to have my debt paid off. I sure as hell wouldn't be complaining about it.

[@Hiimreggie]

Wasn't a heart attack it was a panic attack

[@firesoftheasylum7890]

@@Hiimreggie He said no one could have predicted that just like no one could predict a heart attack. He never said it was a heart attack.

[@Hiimreggie]

@@firesoftheasylum7890 ahh fuck misread

[@firesoftheasylum7890]

@@Hiimreggie no worries, it happens.

[@TsukiKageTora]

OP should have told the parents in story 3 that Lance almost killed them when they were kids by locking them out in a freakin tornado. They don’t see anything wrong with that but think it’s a horrible thing that OP doesn’t want to go to the funeral of the person that tormented them? What the actual hell? Cut these psychos off immediately

[@LunarisArts]

Story 2: NTA. They didn't plan on selling their house, nor did they know how much they'd get for the house and having extra after buying the new place. They saw they had eniugh to pay off their loans, and gave their children a fresh start for their adult life. If they'd split it equally, one would have a fresh start, while the other still had debt. Where is that fair? The fair option was to pay the debt. Again. NTA

[@firesoftheasylum7890]

Finally! The 40/40 is unfair, that would be playing favorites because one kid is debt free with 20k of spending money and the other still has 20k in debt. How the hell is that better than paying off both?

[@jessicaable5095]

Heartily disagree, as do most of the readers of that post, but oh well. I personally think that everyone has a right to spend their own money the way they want and shouldn't be forced into what's fair or not, but the daughter absolutely has a reason to feel horrible about the situation. It's an awkward one, and doesn't have an obvious AH at first read, but most others are falling on her side for a good reason.

[@savieeveelover3366]

Susan seems ungrateful. So I wouldn't pay off her debt since she mad a big fuss about it.

[@organiczero]

@@jessicaable5095 If the father had said "i will sell the house to pay your debts, so budget yourselves around that plan", that would be a fair assessment of what they could do and do not about their studies.

[@sarahedison2975]

Everyone's being way to hard on Story 4 girl. You can't be mad at her for feeling alone and like she'll never have anyone when she just lost everything.

[@peteranon8455]

Story 1. It's completely okay to tell both your children they shouldn't comment on people's attractiveness, but not okay to tell only one.

[@musicallydisneyamvs6731]

Story 3.) What I would have said to the parents: “He despised me, he wouldn’t want me there, so I won’t. Out of respect of course. I’m only thinking of what my deceased abuser, I mean brother would have wanted.”

[@cebbi1313]

Story 4: some of the comments on that post are why I really don't like AITA sometimes. OP needs help and love, they don't need to be told that they're whining, that they ruined the wedding, that they don't deserve sympathy from their family if they don't fix themselves soon enough, that "seeking help" isn't good enough because it's oh so easy, that they should have known they were having a panic attack and excused themselves to have it in private (and that's coming from another person who has panic attacks as well, what the actual fuck) NTA and there's nothing else to it

[@47896285pgdfzgnd]

I wasn't prepared for story 4, I hope OP gets the help they need.

[@Sweetfroggie]

3RD STORY: I feel so bad for the OP :( OP shouldnt feel bad for not going to her abusers funeral. I get the Parents grieving but they should have stood up for their child far before this incident happened and not tried to force/guilt op into going.. and now their silence is making things so much worse. My family wants me to forgive my abusers/help them and I wont do it. So I get it. I hope OP gets therapy and the help they need

[@gaysatan4565]

20:26 can we claim this dude the AH too lol? 1) “get a grip” about relationships is dumb because it’s obvious she’s having some type of depression and it’s untreated. She can’t control/treat it when she didn’t even know she needs therapy. 2) it’s pretty clear, in my opinion, that OP hasn’t had a panic attack before and, if she didn’t know she was going to have one, it isn’t her fault for not knowing what to do. I’m sorry that comment just pissed me off to know end. Everyone sucks except for OP

[@ossiemt6967]

Holy shit yeah story 4 what pissed me off the most was that ESH comment

[@phoenixsky6124]

NTA- brother’s funeral “Be the bigger person” ?? So are they willing to be the bigger people now?

[@Nunya144]

STORY 2: NTA Your money do what you want. They are both having their bills paid so they should both be happy.

[@lapsedgoth]

Story 4: I married my husband at 30 (he was 35). I have a family friend who got married (for the first time) at 40+. My grandfather had his second wedding at 90 YEARS OLD. It's never too late to find someone. Depression can make you feel like you'll never find someone. I still feel unreal sometimes when I look at my husband. Always keep up the hope. Sounds like maybe OP never processed the loss of their family? Grief therapy can be essential for kids and adults alike. Hope OP is out there coping better and happy. ♡

[@Slicksterpat]

Story 1 I love the line about your daughter acting tto straight. Well done Dad.

[@RandomNulls]

I hate how most of the people commenting on story 4 don’t pay attention that the aunts literally caused the panic attack. if someone shoves you and you fall and break a random object you should not be punished they should be punished for forcing you to break it physically

[@sebastianjoseph9628]

Just finished watching a video on deaths caused by overworking. Just remember to take breaks and take time for yourself. Loving the content as always!

[@Infernoraptor]

The last two responses two story 4 are seriously assholes. For some people, especially people with UNTREATED depression and anxiety, a panic attack can basically function like a seizure; the person just shuts down. OP had no experience with panic attacks and no idea what an oncoming attack feels like. Blaming them for that inexperience is unfair. The heart attack metaphor is apt because the commenter is basically blaming op for not leaving due to chest pains. As for the "all about you" bit, the fact that none of the relatives are going after the entitled aunt for picking OP means that they already made it about OP. To be frank, this was akin to the aunt force feeding an undiagnosed diabetic raw sugar and everyone getting pissed at the comatose diabetic.

[@starjumper]

Yes, I absolutely hated the “get a grip” responses. People act like getting help is easy when it really isn’t.

[@PanFroggo14]

Last story: I get it. You need help but it’s difficult. NTA. If they didn’t want you to ruin it they shouldn’t have made you start crying

[@Ventusokami]

Story 2 I say nta cause if they knew about it they probably would have done stupid things that would add to the debt

[@arcticassassin1956]

Yessss thank you that's what I was thinking your getting your debt paid what's the difference on how they did it one daughter is going to have 20K leftover while the other one has 20K in debt what's the mom supposed to do🤔🤔🤔

[@Ventusokami]

@@arcticassassin1956 well three options pay of there debt or 40k to the one with 20k debt or don't pay at all

[@jessicaable5095]

Personally think they should have both been given a figure before they made any decisions (not a full bail out guarantee) then neither would be screwed over by anything but their own choices.

[@Ventusokami]

@@jessicaable5095 yes I see where you are coming from but they would still end up in debt if they did stupid things and you would have to bail them out

[@OminousSoul]

Everyone calling the OP TA in the second story are idiots. All their Solutions basically Either Gives Susan No Debt and Thousands of Extra Dollars to do what she wants with and Emily with No Debt but no Extra money, or Leaves Susan with No Debt and THousands of Extra Dollars and Emily with Debt to still pay off. IMO, all the Comments are from TA's.

[@thefilthycasual6402]

I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this. And people saying she’s “getting more money” like it’s going directly into Emily’s pocket.

[@arcticassassin1956]

Thank you 👏👏👏

[@savieeveelover3366]

Facts. OP was doing really good in that situation.

[@mbyerly9680]

"I feel your grief and I cry for you, but I don't grieve or cry for him." That's a reply to a parent who has lost a horrible child.

[@Moonriverstar]

Finally got the post time right, 5pm 🙌🏾 1st Story is not the asshole and the wife is abusive, this is a micro aggression, if the kid went to someone else, specially someone with a nice family, they would tell him that this is nothing and that he was exaggerating, they would make the kid feel bad for feeling bad, I’m glad op stepped up and did what he had to do👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@crucisnh]

While I feel for the gay kid, your woke assholery (i.e. talking about "micro aggression" nonsense) doesn't make you any better than the hypocritical bigots.

[@Yllania]

@@crucisnh "I dont like that you used a word and an example because Im afraid of SJW boogeymen, so youre an asshole, it makes you just as bad as a bigot" Youre being really rational here buddy. Saying someone is an asshole and did a micro aggression being mean to their gay son for being gay is in fact not the same as being mean to your gay son for being gay. It is in fact, not equivalent in the least. Theyd be as same as a bigot if maybe they said they did it because they because was a woman. The word micro aggression cant hurt you, its ok.

[@danacarter9147]

Agreed. The wife is going to get a megadose of karma, when her son goes complete NC with her, at 18, because she's clearly a homophobe.

[@jessicaable5095]

For everyone saying "the funerals not for the dead, it's for the family" she could just as easily be there for them through visits. She should not (I repeat NOT) be forced to sit around for hours having to feign sadness to avoid death glares and listen to folks sobbing or remeniscing fondly over an abuser. Absolutely NTA

[@riched62]

Story 2: NTA she got a place to stay rent free while she went to school and she's still getting her student debts paid off.

[@AdorableOracle]

OP in the last story is not an asshole for not believing in love. You don’t have to believe in love and you don’t have to believe that you’ll find someone. Because guess what, the cold reality is a lot of people don’t

[@W0lfscythe]

2nd story: NTA. Dude locked OP out of the house while a tornado was around.

[@alexiosblake9804]

Story 3

[@carlaylatour9508]

Okay, so for Story 2, I’d say NAH. The parent made a very good point that if they told their kids that they’d pay off the school, and something happened to make it so they couldn’t, everyone would call parent the AH for not holding up their end of the bargain.

[@nocause5395]

The second daughter did the 60k cuz she wanted the full college experience. full college experience in America typically means partying and stuff. the second one made a smart choice and it's being punished for that. You're punishing that behavior

[@seankeller1560]

Yes exactly plus there's a chance both daughters would take advantage of the parents.pNot to mention isn't this what so many people want the equal distribution of wealth both daughters get what they need one spent more so she needs more how is this not fair. to do what is suggested would just screw the other daughter over not to mention make it look like its done for the benefit of the parents who get retirement money or at least more retirement money then what they would of gotten in the first place.

[@sltslt24]

Seriously what if I it wasn't college but medical bills would op be the AH for paying the 60k of medical bills and 20k. Would you keep one child in debt because they were sicker.

[@thefilthycasual6402]

@@nocause5395 Did you do some stretching before that reach.

[@carg0_b00m]

i think we are forgetting of that susan stayed home rent free while in those community colleges. so no 20k for you

[@kmaguire7161]

The people who called the last girl who had the panic attack an AH for her breakdown during the wedding need to be punched. Hard. Repeatedly. In the face.

[@AuntieCreed]

Story 4 - NTA. Hell no, OP isn't the a-hole and doesn't owe a thing. The AUNTS caused the panic attack, they're the ones who owe reparations for the wedding being ruined.

[@dianaphillips8038]

Last story. The aunt is the one who ruined the wedding by causing the meltdown.

[@zerobolt9506]

Ummm for story 4, does the ESH commenters realize OP, had not only a panic attack, but a mental breakdown out of nowhere, the way they talked about it, they never had them before, one of the commenters even contradict themselves, it didn't sound like OP even know they could even have a panic attack and they're acting like she should have known before hand. 😞

[@princesssunshine874]

how could family be reaching there breaking point? She isn't even close enough to want to give her a ride from the hospital.

[@rayfordreed9304]

Story 1: OP did the right thing. He wouldn't want to have to post "AITA for not supporting my son because of my wife's homophobic behavior?"

[@honeybelle1203]

I didn't realize being gay was something I was doing "on purpose." Does that mean I could do it on accident? I don't understand the wife's thought process...

[@helema23]

it is the same with anyone no matter their orientation.... umm how do you do it on purpose, unlkess you are just an antention seeker like some of the sjw folk are then you arent doing it on purpose or flaunting it!! heck i dont flaunt being bisexual. that mom is areal piece of work.

[@pockywocky7737]

College story: Nta. She could have had the "typical college experience" at a community college. She chose not knowing she would have debts paid off. Would susan expect the same loan as her sister if it wasn't her father? Susan is being entited

[@Tirnel_S]

I agree. As the op said, they didn't know what would happen in the future. What if they promised to pay off the debt and then wasn't able to do it? Susan would be in oodles of debt.

[@unorthodoxpeach]

That's what I said . All the people who are like op is the ahole don't think about the fact that 1. Your parents don't have to pay off your loans 2. They didn't force them to go to the schools they chose. 3. She lived at home for the first two years which means her parents were supporting her during that time.

[@MrMrSockhead]

Day: 64 of telling Mark that he is wonderful and deserves the world

[@skippiefritz]

Day 3 of telling this guy their awesome

[@kitcat8308]

Love this and Mark's channel

[@theycallmet3061]

I second that

[@ettinakitten5047]

Story 1 - Just because she's not kicking him out doesn't mean she's not homophobic. He deserves more than the absolute bare minimum of being tolerated, he deserves to be loved and accepted.

[@gelasiakidd8076]

I couldn't finish the comments of the last story, because there's a lot of big yikes over telling a potentially suicidal person that they need to get better help when we don't know what kind of help they are already getting. It also completely neglects location. If this person is in the united states they might not be able to afford medical care. There's just so many what ifs and I hate the fact I can so easily visualize the type of spiraling the ESH comments could do from some of my own traumatized friends Edit: The fact the person did an edit and knows it's inflammatory and is trying to justify it just makes it worse imo.

[@scarletgoldenthorn]

Story 2: NTA!!! Why is everyone saying YTA? I get that Susan could have benefited from being told beforehand, but the parents didn’t know if they’d actually be able to follow through with their plan. Susan is demanding an even split of money, which is TOTALLY unfair. The parents are being very fair, paying off each daughter’s debt in full. The daughters get the same end result: No debt. It’s equal distribution of the money according to each daughter’s debt. Susan is demanding a 40k-40k split, which would leave her debt free and with 20k to do whatever the hell she wants with, while leaving her sister still 20k in debt. Susan is being super entitled and ungrateful.

[@murielross9288]

So annoyed at this was, parents don't owe you a college education or inheritance. Their money, nothing else.

[@morgenglende-michalski369]

Damn what a good set of parents for paying the loans that way. That’s how you teach your kids how to be smart and plan for the future. It’s not punishing the kid who was smart, she really didn’t miss out on anything going to a larger university the whole time

[@livewellwitheds6885]

story 1 treatment like that IS having an issue with the son being gay. she is absolutely a hypocrite and playing favorites. nta!

[@fluffhead6757]

That mother in the first story makes me so mad. I was 14-15 when I came out, and my mother made an exasperated comment about me shoving my gayness in her face. I spent a year afterwards tiptoeing around my own identity and talking about it, or even exploring it or discussing it with my supportive siblings, feeling like I was being overbearing or wrong. I'm lucky I broke out of that and can live loud and proud about it now. But I've never forgotten how she reacted when I first came out, and I still can't bring myself to trust her 100%.

[@MsTemptation]

S2: NTA. You aren't obligated to hand over any of the money you and your husband earned to either of your daughters no matter the circumstances. I swear that these Reddit commentators always sound like adult children who still expect their parents to pay for everything. So either split it evenly or just keep it and put it away because shit happens and I doubt that either of your daughters would feel the need to come out of their pockets to help you and their dad if you needed their help financially.

[@jessicaable5095]

It's a complicated story tbh. On Susan's side myself but I do recognise that either way her parents choose, she'll still come out better than she would've before. It's like being handed an amazing gift with a card that reads "your sacrifices are meaningless. You sister's poor choices shall reap the same reward". There's a reason to feel sucky. If I were her, I'd take the deal with a thank you because I'm not very confrontational, but I'd still kinda feel like crap in a wierd guilty way. The parents shouldn't just brush her feelings under the rug.

[@cryofist]

@@jessicaable5095 they are wiping both the girls debt slates clean. the one wrote it off as fine and even when she thought her sister was paying for it and acted like she had no problem with not "paying more for the same education". imho shes comlaining and hoping to get money out of it

[@scousemouse9566]

Story 1, NTA, your wife hates that your son is gay, Story 2, YTA, give your children equal money. Loved the video Mark, hope your dad is doing ok, send him our love.

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

There is a middle ground between hatred and wrapping oneself up in the rainbow flag over sexuality. I highly doubt the wife hates it, she'd have acted very differently. But she most certainly is not all right with it.

[@Helenahandbasket1971]

My son acts so straight on purpose. That sounds stupid. How could she not see that? She does hate her son for being gay.

[@renatatarnawski5974]

4 the collegs story No matter WHAT is done How it's split There's going 2 be problems

[@dustyrose192]

I thought you were talking about the fourth story, not the second and got really confused

[@jaredbrown3726]

I can agree with that

[@helema23]

yup it is a pay off of loans not giving money directly to them. i think he did a good thing not telling them because, what i fhe couldnt follow through and they both went to high cost colleges and were in debt fo rlife.

[@CanonSkyrissian]

that is so hypocritical. if son had called a female actor hot, would the mom have said anything? DOUBT. good on OP to call out the casual homophobia

[@Ravethecat12]

The people who said ESH about the person who had a break down makes me mad. “Get a grip” Are you KIDDING ME? The girl has been bullied by their family for who knows how long? Who wouldn’t break down after that? No empathy, Reddit sucks sometimes. It’s not that she’s willingly throwing a pity party, she’s been harassed and bullied by her family so much that she thinks this way. That’s not fair to put it all on her.

[@dolleyes9232]

story 2. she isnt trying to give them spending money. literally just paying off their debt. seems like a nice thing to do. and she said things happen and it could have not been an option. telling her daughters that would likely have led to them spending more money and not be as responsible about it. i think she did the right thing letting them be adults and figure it all out. the people that are saying she is an asshole for wanting to give one daughter several thousand more dont seem to get the point. its not spending money. its not going to her. its going straight into the loans.

[@escapec1077]

I have an older brother. We fought like cats and dogs when we were younger. He did all sorts of things to me when we were younger but nothing so bad as to require any apologies. We were kids. I am so happy and blessed to have him in my life now. ❤️

[@als2480]

Cool. Did you have fun bragging?

[@Yllania]

Im so happy for you. Is it great having a better sibling than OP? Her brother literally tried to kill her, carried on his hate of her in adulthood, and then shunned her. My sister and I wernt the best when growing up, in fact we hated eachother, but she never tried to kill me and you know, eventually fucking grew up. OPs didnt. She doesnt have to go to his funeral just because you like your brother now and its not a fault of hers.

[@gina928]

Story 2: Poor, poor Susan. Such a drama queen. I would not give/pay off either one's loans now. Disrespectful and unappreciative. Parents are NTA. Too many entitled kids out there today. Mom and Dad are not ATMs!

[@cheskydivision]

Why does the victim always have to be the bigger person.

[@nerdy_evy]

Where were the parents during the tornado warning? if one of my kids ever did that they would be grounded for so long they would have no TV access I would literally take away so much because they literally almost killed their sibling

[@jodieg6318]

Story 3: I swear so many times when it comes to toxic family members the victim is always being told to be the bigger person? For what? No one is under any obligation to 'be the bigger person' for the sake of not rocking the boat. It's like when people tell someone to forgive someone whose wronged them because 'its the only way you'll heal' bullshit!

[@cjrsalinas7334]

Good dad. Your son didn't choose his sexuality he's born like that. His home should be an emotionally safe place.

[@debbietaylor2983]

Mark, you are an amazing young man. You provide us with entertainment while caring for your dad. You are such a great person, your love and empathy shine through. Much love to you and yours.

[@mikkareads]

Story 3 reminds me of my brother and myself. I went to his funeral to be there for my parents, because I knew it would devastate them to bury him. But I think they would've accepted it, had i chosen not to attend.

[@Chantal_P-v4x]

Story 2 is confusing to me on how to vote. And this is exactly why I'm fastentated by AITA. This one is another situation in which I fear I may be the VERY small minatory in my opinion. And Im also not actually sure that's a good thing. But NTA. Why are we all sooooo obsessed with fairness when it comes to one's children, even though in most other situations in life its perfectly fine for life to land unfairly. We some, we lose some usually, and it all evens out at least to a point. OP did exactly what he's planned to do and paid the loans off. leaving both girls debt free. %0 50 would be more unfair I woud think, as one would still have debt while the other has disposable income. There is no perfect solution, though I might be able to be talked into an everyone sucks.

[@jessicaable5095]

Personally on Susan's side in this, but I liked your post anyway. You're right. There is no perfect solution that won't make one party feel like crap. It's a complicated one.

[@Flakey101]

Re the fairness angle. I think it is because life is so unfair that it seems to matter in being fair as you can to your children.

[@Doublemonk0506]

@@jessicaable5095, yeah because it isn't like Susan got everything. I believe you only earn a bachelor's or associate's as the highest degree in community while you can work for a master's in a college/university

[@cryofist]

they were both told the same thing and made their own choices. so that is fair. and they had their point proven immediately when the one daughter said if she knew then she woulda spent more money. people dont spend other peoples money like their own. one sister thought it was worth the cost and the other didnt. both could have lived at home for free and both are having all their student debt paid off. the parent have kept everything equal this whole time and left the ball in their daughters courts. they have no one to blame but themselves and one is lashing out. people dont seem to understand what "fair" means anymore. they both had the exact same opportunities. equality of outcome isnt what fair is. its equality of opportunity.

[@fcold9402]

@@cryofist This.

[@sylokthedefiled7650]

Story 4: okay so that person that said everyone sucks is so bullshit, I don't care how soft it is. Her attitude on love is because of depression, she does not suck for having depression, and everyone experiences panic attacks differently, just because you can walk away doesnt mean everyone can.

[@janwojciechowski7227]

Story 3: great job dear parents! Lets punish the victim! That's the spirit!

[@firerosenight6937]

Story one In my opinion, if a parent can "turn off" there love and acceptance in a snap like that because of their child sexuality, then they never truly loved them in the first place. If it can just be gone just like that over night...I just can't believe that she ever loved him in the first place.

[@temp26gaming94]

The loan one how is it fair to give one daughter straight cash and leave the other in debt

[@j.kaimori3848]

Story 2: Imagine if the oldest lived in a small town for college, never drank, ate cheaply, and studied a cheaper course so she wouldn't be in much debt leaving it. She also didn't eat well, didn't gain friends, or degree recognition for well paying jobs in that field. Now does 20k cash make sense to help her maybe take another year to bump her degree, or help with better job searching or buying a house? Or even going to dinner once with her new colleagues to make friends? You can't quantify three years of poverty and a lower grade degree and her wasted time.

[@elessardragon7655]

Story 2. NTA as no one seems to be seeing from the other daughter's POV. If OP did the 50/50 split, she would of been 20k in debt while her sister just got 20k extra cash, basically punishing her for not doing what her sister did by going the cheaper route. Sometimes being treated equally mean you get the short end of the stick. Plus everyone is reading something that not in the story. The plan to sell the house was not something planned while the daughters were in school/college. It was something was thought of after the fact.

[@goawayleavemealone2880]

Thank you - also both daughters thought they would be paying off their own student debt. It's not like Emily knew she wouldn't be responsible for the 60k before make the decisions that led to that amount.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 3: OP should flip it on her parents, and tell them they only have one child left. Do they really want to do this? Compound their failure to protect you with chosing to lose OP too.

[@zachf748]

*_Story #4_* In what world is being 25 too late to ever find a partner and have a family?…

[@NikolaiTheJester]

In a depressive state it could seem very real

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1 is 100% grounds for divorce, I would absolutely not tolerate this bullshit

[@starbird3939]

Story 3 - NTA The parents let this man abuse his much younger sister. Let then lose both children-they should have never been parents.

[@leelee7731]

Glad you didn’t go to the funeral of the abusive brother. Shut the family giving you a hard time down hard. Shut them down hard!

[@GrayTimber]

Story 4; Jesus christ @ the person who said ESH. OP is NOT the asshole, and basically saying "eventually you become a burden" is NOT how you talk to someone so close to reaching suicidal ideation levels depression I hope OP got help and is doing better, found friends, and cut off her family. My heart breaks for them :(

[@GrayTimber]

Second ESH, OP obviously didn't know the signs of a panic attack!! Everyone experiences the signs differently and she even said it came on so suddenly she couldn't do anything!! Oh my god blood boiling bullshit

[@NikolaiTheJester]

@@GrayTimber literally!!

[@samsuperman1988]

2:36 = Hell no! You sound like the best parent in the world!!! Your kids are very lucky!

[@starbird3939]

Story 2 - YTA OP is a liar and because of that, Susan did not get the most out of her education.