How Long Have They Dated? Expert Body Language Analysis | WIRED

Was that shared appetizer the start of something beautiful? Did that absent-minded hair flip actually speak volumes? WIRED challenged three experts: Former FBI Agent and body language expert Joe Navarro, communication expert Anne-Maartje Oud, and behavioral scientist Abbie Marono to observe 5 couples on dates-and guess how long each pair had been together.
if you'd like to follow our experts, find their socials below:
Abbie
LinkedIn: @Dr Abbie Marono
Instagram: @DoctorAbbieofficial
Twitter: @DrAbbieofficial
Joe
LinkedIn:
@Joe Navarro
Instagram: @JoeNavarro_official
Twitter: @navarrotells
Anne-Maartje
LinkedIn: @Anne-Maartje oud
Instagram: @Annemaartjeoud
Twitter: @annemaartjeoud
Director: Joe Pickard
Director of Photography: Rahil Asruff; Olivia Kuan
Editor: Matthew Colby
Experts: Anne-Maartje Oud; Abbie Marono; Joe Navarro
Creative Producer: Katherine Wzorek
Line Producer: Joseph Buscemi
Associate Producer: Paul Gulyas
Production Manager: Peter Brunette; D. Eric Martinez
Production Coordinator: Fernando Davila; Kariesha Kidd
Casting Producer: Vanessa Brown; Nicholas Sawyer
Camera Operator: Josh Andersen
Sound Mixer: Kara Johnson
Production Assistant: Ariel Labasan
Hair & Make-Up: Maureen Sherwood
Post Production Supervisor: Alexa Deutsch
Post Production Coordinator: Ian Bryant
Supervising Editor: Doug Larsen
Assistant Editor: Andy Morell
Graphics Supervisor: Ross Rackin
Designer: Lea Kichler
Special Thanks: Matt Diaz; Sahej & Vrinda; Lauren & John; Mercedes & Nora; Jake & Jocelyn; Mikey & Courtney
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[@julesxandy]

I love playing this game in real life with no training whatsoever on body language 😂

[@amicaaranearum]

Apparently the training does not help; these “experts” did no better than chance.

[@gb469x]

@@amicaaranearumbut the FBI guy was on point. When he wasn’t accurate he wasn’t too far away.

[@johnrubio330]

LOL me too!

[@cxwmintz]

Did u have to walk up to them to ask after guessing? 😮

[@hannaw8141]

Saaame, I do it everywhere and sometimes I wish I knew if I guessed right 😂

[@tttimster2132]

Funny how the experts didn’t notice the wedding rings 😂😂😂

[@brettmiller3688]

Doing that would be cheating.

[@integeroverflowexception]

Only if they are married

[@rememberremember5106]

Rings could of been planted to throw them off.

[@unknow210]

I mean to be fair, they're here for body language, not being a detective

[@SchgurmTewehr]

Yeah how’s funny.

[@__dane__]

Very smart to have three different experts rather than just one

[@arnoudh6203]

Yeah this way it is much clearer that none of them have any idea of what they're talking about.

[@lifetake3103]

@@arnoudh6203I mean the left and middle one did quite alright.

[@Arcessitor]

@@arnoudh6203Absolutely.

[@-441-]

@@lifetake3103🤣🤣yeah and even the lady on the right was dead on for 3 picks

[@LymarkW]

Must be a nightmare dating/marrying to a body language expert. Imagine you were minding your own business and your partner got mad at you because you were playing with your fingers subconsciously.

[@Absolukely]

Your feet have been quite distant this entire meal....YOU HATE ME JUST SAY IT OMG

[@kevinsundelin8639]

No, cause an expert would know that that doesn't necessarily mean anything

[@eliteluxurymeditations950]

Lol right. God forbid someone be fidgety because they are human

[@YellowMilk14]

people with high situation awareness can sense that, or people that can read other people tells (and sometimes they can translate this observation to their partner up to a certain point bringing it to the conversation 😂 )

[@1XclusiveFBA]

Lmaoo @@Absolukely

[@karyon1007]

Okay, the 14 years couple is way too cute! They act like they love and respect each other a lot.❤

[@demichirua]

the 5th couple, they've been together for such a long time and still being very romantic and flirty with each other. Guess that's why they can stay together for so long and perhaps forever.

[@reketsomething]

I don't like that they separated dating time and marriage time, simply because someone could have married 6 months into dating and another couple 10 years. Their body language would be extremely different in that case

[@dragamboazulinqiacupuntura122]

Not necessarily. Dynamics in couples are different like he said some people become super intimate shortly others it may take a long time. Before I would have said it did matter if they were married but now I dont know it's that much different as long as you're living together the dynamics of intimacy at least with my unmarried living together friends seem to be similar to marriage.

[@dragamboazulinqiacupuntura122]

Not necessarily. Dynamics in couples are different like he said some people become super intimate shortly others it may take a long time. Before I would have said it did matter if they were married but now I dont know it's that much different as long as you're living together the dynamics of intimacy at least with my unmarried living together friends seem to be similar to marriage.

[@dragamboazulinqiacupuntura122]

Not necessarily. Dynamics in couples are different like he said some people become super intimate shortly others it may take a long time. Before I would have said it did matter if they were married but now I dont know it's that much different as long as you're living together the dynamics of intimacy at least with my unmarried living together friends seem to be similar to marriage.

[@dragamboazulinqiacupuntura122]

Not necessarily. Dynamics in couples are different like he said some people become super intimate shortly others it may take a long time. Before I would have said it did matter if they were married but now I dont know it's that much different as long as you're living together the dynamics of intimacy at least with my unmarried living together friends seem to be similar to marriage.

[@dragamboazulinqiacupuntura122]

Not necessarily. Dynamics in couples are different like he said some people become super intimate shortly others it may take a long time. Before I would have said it did matter if they were married but now I dont know it's that much different as long as you're living together the dynamics of intimacy at least with my unmarried living together friends seem to be similar to marriage.

[@SBVCP]

Moral of the story: Feed your partners

[@0rangemuffin]

I think that they should have gone with just total time together. Some folks choose not to get married or get married later, so it's a bit wierd to have dating vs married

[@hr0y563]

agreed!

[@baintreachas]

Yeah; that could literally come down to legal and financial issues

[@fakecubed]

They seem to think that the spark dies as soon as the honeymoon is over. I kind of pity them for that.

[@dd-oe7mp]

It scares me that body language evidence are used in criminal trials when all the experts reached different conclusions every time

[@yasedky]

This is the exact comment I was looking for. Thats not science, This (at best) is an educated assumption... Finally, imagine having dinner with your wife knowing that you are being filmed and analyzed by 3 experts, nosy cameramen, and thousands of viewers.. Those reactions have been heavily impacted..

[@SUPERZAYAN1]

@@yasedkyThem guessing how long they’ve been together was an educated guess sure, but what about everything else. The body language cues pointed out are based in psychology and were spot on

[@VictorKDurand]

That's not how it works. In a criminal trial they would 1. Have a lot more visual evidence than 5-min clips. Also always cross-referenced with other types of evidence that has nothing to do with body language (phone call logs, gps coordinates over time, fingerprints, etc) 2. They are only asserting deception, dishonesty, ill-intent (or intent in general) exhibited by the person or persons. 3. They would study and verify with peers over and over for a long time before presenting something in a trial. The question 'how long have they been dating' is in this way a lot tougher to answer, because it answers quite a lot of questions, contrary to my number 2 point which basically answers only 1 out of 3 questions.

[@Hahahahaaahaahaa]

I really like that couple 5 was deceptive because they were way too cute for 14 years!

[@rajavarma1015]

They were being deceptive, the guy looks at the camera quickly

[@DiggerNecessary]

oh, I just thought they were very clearly the couple with the most intimacy. I think it can lead to mistake to equate more time together with more negativity

[@snakedoktor6020]

This really shows why behavioral science is not an exact science, i.e. physics, etc. There's just too much personal interpretation involved. Still, it was very interesting to see how one action could lead to almost opposite conclusions.

[@rememberremember5106]

Yes, its a bit like weather forecasting, some times it looks like, its gonna rain and it doesn't, but we still listen to the weather forcast, and make our plans by it.

[@Arcessitor]

Or it shows you that a lot of them are just con artists and really bad at it?

[@catherinehpn3613]

The soft sciences.

[@violett874]

​@@rememberremember5106 That's a pretty bad example. Meteorology involves complex data modeling. The challenge is that you're expecting them to accurately predict the exact weather at your exact location at each exact hour. Meteorologists aren't just making up the forecast based on vibes.

[@rememberremember5106]

@@violett874 have you looked into the research, into body language and it's not just looking at the body/facial movement, its also , statements, analyses, vocal changes. Do a deep dive . There are no absolutes in body language, just like the weather , see a grey cloud dosent mean you'll get rain.

[@TheQuilici]

“We want the PHD back”😂😂😂

[@Rafviel]

I’ve been married for 5 years, dating for 6 and the number one compliment my spouse and I receive is, “You guys are perfect for each other and look so in love!” I’m always so grateful when other people outside of our relationship (even strangers!) point this out because it means that both of us are truly loving each other in meaningful and positive ways. Not every day is sunshine and rainbows, but being married to your best friend is the BEST feeling in the entire world (for me at least, lol)!

[@fakecubed]

All that means is that you're both big on PDAs. Not everyone is into that. Like the 14 year couple that seemed very physically distant but obviously comfortable with each other.

[@chriswarfs3244]

​@fakecubed I'm very uncomfortable with PDA, but my girlfriend and I still receive these kinds of compliments. People pick up on more body language than we think

[@Novedrake]

Suddenly the fbi guy realized number 1 is a hostage situation

[@CCSMrChen]

My partner and I always sit side by side so we can analyze other people in the restaurant.

[@ryan82scott]

I just have to wonder how much is affected by the subjects knowing they’re being filmed?

[@98bocinas]

the thing is, those chairs look very uncomfortable

[@jakekaufmann2937]

Have to say, this was very eye-opening and informative. Great video, WIRED. Please do more with three experts!

[@Omar-wq9dz]

It’s so good seeing Joe Navarro again

[@brunobear507]

He has a body language academy, which you can take online 📕📚

[@cloud16343]

Do they not see the wedding bands in #1 and #5?

[@Skyuni98]

this is like one of the games me and my friends would do while eating out 😂 like sometimes when we're waiting for our food, we would guess how long a couple around us had been together based on their interactions. it's a fun simple game but please don't stare at them for way too long.

[@mariapires7135]

This was fascinating to watch!! Please make it a series, there's so many options with this sort of thing :))

[@Aliceherz24]

I wonder how they'd analyse me and my partner who are both neurodivergent 😅 s lot of these "pacicifying behaviours" happenen for us as stimming, and we stim more around each other due to feeling secure! I wonder if it would read as nervousness..

[@stemwaffle]

Same! I would be dying of overstimulation in the restaurant, and my partner with social anxiety would also be dying around that many people.

[@katelynlinnnn]

I was thinking this too! "I see she's counting tiles on the wall and he's tapping his leg like crazy...this first date is going terribly" 😂😂

[@hernameispekka_Rebecca]

This! My anxiety would be fidgeting, my autism would be overstimulated and I would be moving around all the time due to my pain! I would throw all their metrics off! 😂

[@baintreachas]

It would be cool if they had a version with signers, too. Especially tactile signers! And have a few deaf and blind/deaf experts (on body language or on culture or on signing) to provide a commentary, maybe after the body language experts give their guesses, explaining how maybe they would interpret things differently. Different cultures would be cool, too! In that case, they could have a “actually, this was filmed in X country, and in that country, CYZ gestures mean this…” twist, to see if they could pick up on that (like “huh, I would associate this with this normally, but they seem too comfortable…” etc) or no

[@pokelover02]

Yup! Partner and I probably look like we hate each other but are just covertly stimming lol

[@wiebkehoppe5472]

It would have been nice to know at the beginning, if the couples knew that they were being filmed. Maybe some of couples were nervous because of the camera and felt like they’re being watched. Super nice video still:D

[@myrtila]

Ofc they knew. It would be illegal otherwise

[@boy638]

Do they watch 5 of the couples simultaneously? If so, why was it planned this way instead of all experts focusing on just one couple at a time?

[@Ohjor]

Thet could be for two reasons. First, to save time. Second, to enable a more direct comparison among the couples.

[@_graiderz2462]

Quantity over quality?

[@mayonesamiaumiau]

Soooooo cute the 14 years together couple!!!!!!! 🥰 they are so happy with each other and they are so attracted to each other even though they’ve been together for so long

[@martivanyo4136]

Great to see Joe Navarro videos, as always 👌💛

[@shazriniyusoff3043]

what i do know..if you see a couple on their phone, less talking. they been together for more than 10 years 😂😂

[@KellsSmith1244]

I love body language videos, thank you! I went to college but didn’t have the brain for science studies. When the internet came along it was a gift to me! (Yes, I’m old)

[@jimmyispromo]

These people know they are being recorded. A "real" date with a long couple is them on their phone finding reels to share with the other lol

[@spinthepickle1244]

We don't get our phones out when we go out. We flirt like the couples in the video. But we're in our forties (24 yr together), so maybe we're just too old, lol.

[@fakecubed]

What this tells me is that the experts hyper focus on small contradictory details and confuse themselves a lot.

[@manilkasheran2934]

What I learned is, it's pretty easy to fool body language experts if you know what you are doing!

[@allen604]

Me and my wife sometimes whip out our phones right away when we sit down at a restaurant.

[@oddmad8613]

My partner of 9 years and I love to play this game while out and about, and notice all the different phases of a relationship

[@didipop7731]

I was working as a hotel lobby greeter when Mr Peter Navarro came up to strike a conversation. Fascinating and friendly guy. I'll never forget how suddenly aware of my body language I became 😅 Pretty sure he could read me like a book.

[@noazucar519]

People’s behaviors can give you an idea of what their internal state is but it’s not a great indicator of how long someone has been partnered 😂

[@dunnowy123]

The idea that you "stop flirting" after being together for years is such a stupid generalization. Some people really value flirtation and ensuring their partner feels attractive, well after marriage. I feel like a lot of this is just picking on random behaviours and over analyzing it, which is why they got most of them wrong. It's fun but no science.

[@tessaoshea5697]

Flirting is different. It's showing attraction to someone who might not know. It's irrelevant if your closeness is expressed by actually having a combined life.

[@dunnowy123]

@@tessaoshea5697 No, not really. Flirting is just playfully expressing your attraction to someone

[@tessaoshea5697]

@dunnowy123 maybe it's a question of definition but my understanding is that 'flirting' is that way of showing your affection in order to attract attention. It seems that that is the way they are defining it in that video. Once you're married and happy, the two of you will have a love language. It will include ways of playfully expressing love but you already know the other person is interested so it will be different. Of course, a married couple can choose to actually flirt, but it doesn't come up naturally.

[@luyin1961]

Funny how they throwing a bunch contradicting explanation without establishing a baseline for each individual.

[@spinthepickle1244]

I think Navarro kinda covered that early in the video when he said normally they'd be looking at other information as well. They're just doing the best they can with the setup Wired gave them. Maybe their interpretations would have been more in line if they had a baseline. I watched an episode of Sorted earlier where they were challenged to recreate a dish they had never seen or eaten. They were just given the ingredients and the dish name. The closest to replicating it won. That's also... pretty dumb. It's not an accurate representation of how anyone would try to replicate a dish served in a restaurant is. I think both a real in depth approach to body language analysis would be more interesting and watching the guys cook after tasting the dish would be more entertaining!

[@Fjallfjalla]

Okay but did you consider that “nervous” behaviors might just be neurodivergent behaviors?

[@hoshireed77]

They also didn't take into consideration any cultural background either. How one is brought up shapes you.

[@zablonadams9779]

Idk if it makes sense but Joe Navarro is the most Government Official, National Intelligence "Classified Documents" looking type of man

[@RoeSync68]

Love it!!!!

[@eddy2561]

I love these types of videos and especially with Navarro in them!!!

[@saisuman14]

1:42 Guy looks directly into the camera. He knows whats up.

[@One_In_Training]

Easy tell for people married 5+ yrs -- they're both looking at their phone and not each other

[@scout6436]

i love the no 5 guy's christmas dino socks 😂😂

[@PaigeA6741]

The wedding rings tipped me off lol

[@Jim-dl5xm]

How can it be that at least one of these experts was right each time! I can't believe that.

[@______________5470]

maybe because there was only three responses and one of them had to get it "close enough" either way lol

[@catherinehpn3613]

Aren’t they all actors? Very interesting and informative.

[@juliusnovachrono4370]

As someone studying psychology, this is genuinely interesting.

[@circa1890]

Looks like they didn't really take cultural backgrounds into consideration.. they need to. Also, my first dates are pretty much similar to my dates 5 years on. It's pretty relaxed and flirty, if you make someone comfortable, even on a first date. And flirty, comfy behavior has always been five years into my relationships.. 11 years on can start to get more distant (well, only once) 😏

[@allythearts5439]

You can get close to a complete stranger 😂 but that is nice the experts did peep the couples out

[@mitschnel607]

how was your date "not good, her feet were really far away the whole time"

[@dunnowy123]

12:16 so her assertion that "people stop flirting after being together for a while" is...objectively wrong? A lot of people really value making their partner feel attractive and vice versa. It was such a dumb generalization and personally, I see the lack of flirting as time goes by as an indicator of a flailing relationship

[@jessicah3782]

I like that the last couple said how long they were together followed by how long they were married. we do the same thing. we also celebrate our dating and marriage anniversaries.

[@Vyngraven]

"experts". Also take into consideration the fact that they know they're being recorded. People being anxious could be many reasons beside the person sitting with them.

[@InvisiblerApple]

Weird that it was only mentioned once. You'd think it'd be a pretty big factor in anxious behaviours.

[@yaeli_i_guess]

agreed lmao there's no basis for this in science.

[@wafflemation6887]

behavioral scientist in the intro posing like sheldon cooper lmfao

[@Shaynaaa.619]

I'm no expert but I Love studying body language and I got them all right!😁 The last couple was so obviously together for a LONG time they exhibit every sign of closeness & trust that came to mind. They're the most in sync with eachother & seemed v comfortable🥰 their connection showed through extremely well, so well l that I even said 'I bet they've probably been in eachothers lives for more that 5 years!'😄 14yrs wow congrats🎉❤

[@starryjune4089]

Playing along too and I my guesses were all right!

[@rollierollout]

My daughter and I got them all right! This was fun! 😊

[@_shahzad_ali]

Did these couples know prior if they were recorded? It would be great if Wired had mentioned this in this video (or did I miss it?). Anyway, It could be a strong behavioral bias.

[@elocinaqui24]

The couples knew. The experts mention it once, "they could be nervous, it could just be the cameras" or something like that

[@JOHNSMITH-ek3gt]

this gives me anxiety as an overthinker

[@sailorplutoes]

When that guy moved the plant it really highlighted his huge obvious wedding ring hahah

[@jeremiassilva5649]

When I grow up I wanna have the same chemistry as the 14 years couple

[@jarbincks6715]

Next have them guess if it's a job interview, a date, two friends, two coworkers or two people debating

[@olj1k]

I was more accurate than 3 of them😆

[@DiggerNecessary]

I didn't know what to make of the first couple... maybe they were just going through some conflict that day. But for the others, I could tell couple 5 had the most intimacy. Then, couple 2. Couple 4 was dating for a little bit but not long, and couple 3 were first date. If you go by level of intimacy, rather than negativity, flirting, etc, you get it right

[@Orbitinbloom19018]

Just proofs that “body language expert” is a term taken with a grain of salt and a fun PSEUDO science

[@Sunflowersarepretty]

Now I'll use this knowledge to try to guess who's married and who's dating 😂😂

[@ProjectElf]

So what does ventilating behaviour mean? They are comfy or no??

[@grutarg2938]

Did the people know they were being filmed? Because that would make me feel very nervous and reluctant to display my emotions.

[@handsonfire6113]

Why did the communication lady say that it wasn't the first date. Then hold the card saying it was a great first date?

[@ryanwall1470]

I also cross my legs though no matter who I'm with or where

[@BlackHawk9615]

The wedding rings were definitely a give away

[@etheralgracedblessed]

The behavioral scientist is so pretty

[@elihere1242]

The dude got them right all and the scientist got them all wrong 😂

[@gb469x]

FBI guys for the win.

[@josecarlosamador]

I'm great at being wrong and jumping to conclusions. Maybe I can be an expert at this too...

[@elia.s3]

I got all right

[@thestarspark2288]

6:46 They are literally about to cry and the experts didnt notice?

[@thestarspark2288]

Then the smiling, was the person on the left trying to comfort/cheer up the person on the right.

[@MetalYogurt]

i want what the 4year married have omg!! they really love each other 🥰

[@christyblankenship1248]

They should have informed them of the pas too, not just the milestone. A blind date is so nerve wracking versus being married 1year versus being together 14 years and married for four…

[@pathologicaldoubt]

Oof that lady on the right really blew that last one 😅

[@q-tuber7034]

“So you are here on a blind date. Mind if we film it?”

[@Hanayuni]

This is probably nothing but those chairs don't look that comfortable lmao This could explain the sitting back and forth to try to find a good position to chill and have a conversation. I'm wondering how the environment can also change our behaviour in these cases. For example, the height of the table in the middle, the distance between the table and the chairs...

[@quirogatnonerrat3214]

As an INFJ i akways mimic and mirror the person whom i am speaking with, usually without even realizing

[@aws2493]

Got all right but 2 💪

[@Daniella9658]

Can you imagine you sign up with your partner to be analyzed for video and you get into a fight that morning? Lol

[@sassproton]

They looked for the rings while saying "look at the fingers".

[@dragamboazulinqiacupuntura122]

Funny how they thought the most flirty ones were on a good first date... I've been married for 13 years we've been together for 20 and we're super flirty and touchy

[@daffuus]

I was sure about I

[@lexastern6824]

I guess I’m something of an expert myself, guessed all of them right 😂

[@bellaboomz]

Me too! 😊

[@JulietheWriter]

I only just started watching the video, but I assume they know they're being filmed, so some of the nervousness that's observed could easily be due to that.

[@colinstu]

M=married, D=date, number = # yrs Couple 1 M4, M4, M1, actually M1 Couple 2 M1, D5, D5, actually D5 Couple 3 1stD, 1D, M1, actually 1D Couple 4 D1, M1, M4, actually D1 Couple 5 D5, M4, 1st date, actually D14 They all kinda averaged out.

[@TheBobSagat]

Just to clarify D5 said they "have been dating for 14 years, married for 4"

[@maplejakee]

great concept wired, more like this please!

[@arnoudh6203]

But not about body language please. Heres a 1.5 hour vid on why it is pseudo scientific bs:kzbin.info/www/bejne/j2G5gqx7jpJ1aKssi=vknp98Iu2I-JS5Sx

[@zamarok266]

shouldn't this be filmed secretly? I feel like people being aware that they are on tape skews the results.

[@InvisiblerApple]

Even if they got signed permission afterwards, filming secretly first would be a major consent issue.

[@zamarok266]

@@InvisiblerApple what are the major consent issues? ppl who do video stunts(idk, eric andre have ) on streets dont ask for consent?

[@daves1856]

The behavior scientist might be the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.

[@janetf23]

Wow, I got every single one right, wot⁉

[@SchgurmTewehr]

More body language and Joe Navarro. Nice.

[@miqueiassilvanascimento7331]

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