Dar Williams - When I was a Boy

Dar Williams performs "When I was a Boy" at WNRN in Charlottesville, Virginia on June 30, 2010 before her show at Jefferson Theater. Song appears on her album "The Honesty Room". Please subscribe to our videos!

[@basssteven]

I remember Logan Jr. High in 1977 when small boys where not permitted to take Home Economics so I was assigned to a Wood Shop Class. I had an uncle who loved to watch football while wearing a moo moo and knitting a pot holder. I use to laugh at him now I wish I was a little more like him. He was a big man and was built like a football player but he never permitted the little girl in him to die. He worked as an orderly in a nursing home and all of the patients love him.

[@greenroom10]

As hard as I cried for myself during this song and as much as I thought Dar was singing the words to my life, the actual weeping began at the last verse, when I thought of my son and all he's lost becoming a man. Beautiful, beautiful song.

[@MarthaSpizziri]

I don't have a son, but I felt the same. The last verse really got me.

[@MsMeOhMy52]

❤

[@twoyoots8417]

Tonight... tonight! My 25 year old daughter sent me a pic taken of her with Dar after Dar's concert. The pic was taken after my daughter had told Dar that she was "the soundtrack of her life" growing up. And my other daughter piped in with a text "and the Wailin' Jennies, and the Indigo Girls, and Joni Mitchell..." One daughter said it was "mom making dinner music" and how it made her feel calm while doing her homework in a nearby room. This was one daughter's favorite song. She is strong and brave and in love. My heart is full. Thank you, Dar for helping bring the messages home!

[@snaildragon]

I still haven't ever manged to get all the way through this song without crying, no matter how many times I hear it.

[@manycoloredshiny]

This made me SOB with recognition. Here's to all us boys and girls, especially when we're both at once!

[@Jana1dmc]

I’m sobbing from listening to this song (twice) and I don’t really know why. It’s a very touching song.

[@sharonmedeiros9819]

Me and Peter were best buds too when I was a boy with my chucks and torn jeans and pixie cut hair. And the heck with princesses and tea parties, I wanted to fly off to Neverland to have adventures! Dar just sang my childhood and I weep for the tough scrappy fearless little girl that I was. Funny, but I grew up to be the girliest girl, all white lace and hearts and pink everything. But deep in my heart, that adventurous little gypsy wild child still lives.... Thank you Dar for helping me reconnect with her.

[@emily2961]

hi thanks for writing the best song of all time

[@occiaballa]

Dar Williams is GREAT. Period.

[@lonnymoses]

Every time I listen to this song I think of the humanity I lost growing up as a boy, being told not to do "girly" stuff like cry and pick flowers. And I weep as I mourn the parts of myself that I will never be able to recover.

[@twoyoots8417]

I hear you, Lonny. The last verse always breaks my heart, as if it couldn't be broken any further from the first verses, which are mostly about the oppression and fear women grow up with. "...find a nice man to walk me home." First saw Dar in concert when she was 25 and haven't stopped.

[@joemarshall4226]

Stop whining, Girlie Man

[@markw4206]

@@twoyoots8417 I find the last verse so freeing for both of the people in the conversation. Learning they weren't the only one, and that they were okay all along.

[@jeffreyzulick9140]

Am I the only one crying? I was aways a very much a boy but sensitive and with a lot feelings I could never share. It built up a lot of pressure. Why can't we all be our true selves?

[@blenderbenderguy]

I hadn't heard this song for many years and just sorta landed here while flailing about on a Friday night with a bottle of cheap wine. What a great, great song Dar penned here. She's written many but if this were the only one that would be enough. Thanks for the memories WNRN!

[@duchessofpercy]

I too cried when I heard this song and still cry when I hear it, because you see I AM a boy, and the last verse is me. I am the guy in our profile picture. I first her Ms. Williams perform this live and I thought I woudl lose it right in the concert. I know this song speaks to all the ladies out there, but if you listen closely, it hits us men too. Contrary to popular guy culture...we have feelings too, and guys should find theirs!

[@bevinroue5788]

I just don't understand the music industry. What a fantastic, fantastic song. Eleven years in and less than a quarter of a million views.

[@sharonstrong7330]

I agree, and I still laugh and cry every time I hear it. Still see myself jumping off the sofa with my brothers, flapping our arms vigorously, after watching Peter Pan the first time! Am definitely a tomboy and happy to know that their is actually something called a "tomgirl." I like that recognition that male and female qualities are embodied by all males and females.

[@transcubadam]

As someone who literally transitioned physically from female to male, the lines, "And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone, I seldom do.... And I have lost some kindness, but I was a girl, too" feel like they speak directly to my experience. And that's what is so wonderful about Dar Williams- she speaks to everyone.

[@pattimichellesheaffer103]

I went the other way in my 40's - it's wonderful to have someone who "gets it" in her music.

[@Rainfish9]

The only thing that doesn't crush me about this song is that now, as an adult, I am non-binary

[@jefferyfelix1416]

First heard this song in my 20’s as a kid “lesbian.” Then again in my 30’s as I became the man I was always supposed to be. And then I was amazingly able to meet Dar in person about a month post top surgery and told her how much this song had meant to my transition. The love I felt in the hug and conversation we had.

[@faigler]

@@Rainfish9 and it works that way too! I feel like the ending could be AMAB and AFAB enbies sympathizing at the weirdness of gender roles, or trans binary folks, or cis people....gender binaries affect almost everyone. Especially if you're nonbinary and don't present androgynously or do things like have top surgery and wear dresses or grow out your hair but wear men's clothing etc etc. For that matter, my dad is very much the guy at the end of the song, and I was never a tomboy (loved swirly dresses!) but older and talking about gender with him as a nonbinary person we definitely have that moment. I like that it applies so much to everyone. (Or rather, I HATE that it applies so much to everyone, but I like that there's nothing that says it can't apply to someone.)

[@sandichase7571]

I love this song so much. She's singing my soul.

[@TheIndigo06]

this made me cry, oh god, such a good song.

[@almeekins4789]

I cried when I first heard this song at my first concert with Dar Williams.

[@emillou]

I absolutely love this song. I've been so inspired by Dar ever since I first saw her in concert when I was 8

[@curtstuhltrager4192]

Thanks too Gene Shay all these lovely songs and artists became a huge part of my life .

[@lisabondy2807]

As a mother of sons, men now, this song breaks my heart wide open every time I hear it. Amazing.

[@johndef5075]

Cant imagine carrying a whole person inside. That bond must be incredible.❤

[@heatherpuntin412]

It's not about being a boy. Listen carefully

[@KathleenGordonmiddletini]

Now that I have a daughter, this song makes me cry every time.

[@ladymarcasite]

me too

[@cynhanrahan4012]

Let her just be.

[@Occoris]

this song came to me when i began transitioning. i'm here now and it still means the world to me.

[@TreespeakerOfTheLand]

I'm transitioning and like this song as well. It's an amazing piece of music.

[@walklovesparkle1804]

This is such a timeless song! So important to share with our tweens & teens.

[@Heather-b2l]

This is the most beautiful song I've ever heard. It's amidst impossible to type this bc of all the tears.

[@leighallannewton]

My world shifted when I heard this song from a dear friend. Incredibly beautiful.

[@williamperkins2160]

I so love this song, but damn it kills me every single time I hear it.

[@Ring0fSaturn]

This is an incredibly sweet song - so honest (like the album title: The Honesty Room) and beautiful. I identify with the boy at the end of the song who says "When I was a girl..." The entire album is wonderful. We need more Dar Williams in the world.

[@thebarf9235]

Wow, this girl is a poet.

[@worldwide6266]

I was made to listen to this by Russell York a friend of mine who i used to landscape with , i was in tears by the second line and could not believe what could only be described as the voice of an angel... My ex wife and i went to see her at a small club in long island only to be told the show was sold out , not even standing room... I felt more than slighted being the only badass in the place that came to see her. None the less i have and will always love Dar williams...

[@jamesb2059]

One very beautiful song.

[@acoug]

This was me. I've cried every time I listen. Thanks, Dar.

[@GADZOOKSALICIOUS]

What a good song for humans to listen to. I guess I'm a little late to the party but definitely shedding some tears for a wonderful tune/lyrics. From the bottom of my heart, thanks Dar

[@catherinesheppardwebster4318]

Still breaks my heart, for my own childhood and for that of my beautiful girl (age 15) and boy (age 10). Thanks to you, Dar, today and always!

[@alexmeleshenko4834]

what a wonderful piece of art----when I am in the presence of great art I feel hopeful.

[@Joyscookiejar]

Wow! Goosebumps! Thank you, Dar Williams. Thank you! I was a girl, and I still am...but I know many who were not or are not. I will share. Again, thank you.

[@kak931]

Thank you, Dar. This song always leaves me teary.

[@hannahshapiro6987]

this song means a lot to me!

[@ProfG999]

I've used this song in my Gender lectures for years. I grew up a tomboy who hated all the gender roles. Then I had a son and watched him go through it all too. We need to blow up the gender boxes! Love Dar's music!

[@kellystevens2347]

I've loved Dar Williams since the first time I heard "The Babysitter's Here" on the radio. I bought The Honesty Room CD at Roaring Brook Nature Center. And this song, this is me. Love to all.

[@reginafromrio]

what a beautiful song. i can't even type correctly and had to go back because i am crying.

[@mikedubya4427]

I haven't heard this song for at least ten years... still makes me weep after all this time

[@vegaknight8770]

Beautiful music!

[@MsKnowgirl]

This describes my childhood…I ran with a pack of kids from the neighborhood. We ran through the woods, climbed trees, skateboarding on our lovely cul-de-sac where we played softball, basketball, tag, etc. Gender was not an issue until I hit 13 when I was then ‘sexualized’ against my will. Dar sings of my youth and what it’s like to have to an innocent childhood before I had to realize I was a ‘gender’.

[@queenmoline]

Especially significant in this day and age, yo.

[@debramarshall6260]

Thank you for such a beautiful song. I was a boy too...

[@germcgrath7]

Wonderful song

[@greenroom10]

Thank you for writing this song and reminding me.

[@duncanpotter5838]

That is lovely and heartbreaking.

[@lordsxman]

"And I could always cry now even when I'm alone I seldom do. And I have lost some kindness but I was a young girl too." Me in a nutshell. Sad but true.

[@kittimcconnell2633]

Makes me cry every time!

[@motorcop505]

An amazing artist and an amazing talent.

[@LaLaBelle42]

Makes me cry. So beautiful.

[@scottfishkind5335]

Incredible!!

[@tallard666]

Just frikin awesome song. Thank you. For every word.

[@kelli7767]

wow ... beautiful and inspiring

[@MaryBeallAdler]

Beautiful....

[@Xenaga]

Beautiful.

[@moonshadow112358]

This song. This song. My gosh.

[@louiseclairebrodie2236]

wonderful and wonderful

[@tastella]

Such a beautiful---and important---song. Thank you, Dar!

[@Claddaghmamma]

I grew up on a farm and I was literally 9 before I started wearing a shirt on a regular basis. I wore cut-offs and not much else. By the end of summer my feet would be impermeable to the rocks as I ran. I can still remember the day I decided to start wearing shirts. A young man was there with the beekeeper. I remember that my not having a shirt made the teen uncomfortable, though at the time I had NOTHING, other than a mass of wild hair, to designate my gender. That is when it all changed. (My parents had, by the way, tried to keep me clothed, lol, but I was a stubborn child.) ;-)

[@tallard666]

I was 14 !

[@janaelinder7203]

I love her songs. Because of her i bevsme a singer'songwritrr.

[@SongOfChaos1]

I remember when I was 11, 12 or so, walking home from school, and there were two beautiful flowers that stood out of a little arrangement outside a housing community. I picked them and marveled for a second. Some school assembly or something had just happened and someone told the old Aesop about smiling to everyone even if they don't at you because you don't know what kind of day they're having. I saw an older girl - teenager - who was going to cross my path and I gave it to her. She was startled and wary of me, but I didn't think anything of it; just that maybe it was unconventional. The other was for Mom; I thought maybe she'd put it in a glass of water - I didn't expect much, it was spontaneous. When I got home, she tried to be kind about it, but she explained gardeners tend those arrangements and I shouldn't pick them. But what really hurt was when I realized that the entire thing was absurd to her. And then it hit me. I always came off as older than I was - some people honest to God mistook me for my father at that age. I hated it, even then, because I thought I was just a kid. But then I realized. That girl on the road was scared of me. And my mother thought I was acting like infantile, maybe even embarrassed I was a sissy. We used to talk all the time, but it stopped about then. There aren't many lines for the boy in the song, but they hit me hard. They hurt real hard. But I love the song all the same, because for a moment, I remember being myself as a kid. And I liked me back then.

[@libertyann439]

Your writing is impeccable. Start a novel!

[@harveyjones1245]

When I Was a Boy Dar Williams I won't forget when Peter Pan came to my house, took my hand I said I was a boy I'm glad he didn't check I learned to fly, I learned to fight I lived a whole life in one night We saved each other's lives out on the pirate's deck And I remember that night When I'm leaving a late night with some friends And I hear somebody tell me it's not safe, someone should help me I need to find a nice man to walk me home When I was a boy, I scared the pants off of my mom Climbed what I could climb upon And I don't know how I survived I guess I knew the tricks that all boys knew And you can walk me home, but I was a boy, too I was a kid that you would like, just a small boy on her bike Riding topless, yeah, I never cared who saw My neighbor came outside to say, "get your shirt" I said "no way, it's the last time I'm not breaking any law" And now I'm in a clothing store, and the sign says less is more More that's tight means more to see, more for them, not more for me That can't help me climb a tree in ten seconds flat When I was a boy, see that picture? that was me Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees And I know things have gotta change They got pills to sell, they've got implants to put in, they've got implants to remove But I am not forgetting That I was a boy, too And like the woods where I would creep, it's a secret I can keep Except when I'm tired, except when I'm being caught off guard I've had a lonesome awful day, the conversation finds its way To catching fire-flies out in the backyard And I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived And I say now you're top gun I have lost and you have won He says, "oh no, no, can't you see?" When I was a girl, my mom and I, we always talked And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do And I have lost some kindness But I was a girl, too And you were just like me, and I was just like you Source: LyricFind Songwriters: Dar Williams

[@rootbeerfan6]

Great song thanks a lot!

[@user2112]

One of the saddest songs I have ever heard.

[@Willywagga]

wow, brilliant and lovely

[@amyarchie3439]

I love this song. It’s so sweet and so sad. Please let your kids wear what they want and play with what they want. They might be gay or trans and maybe not. But either way, please don’t punish them for being themselves.

[@carelopes]

simply awesome

[@pfunk7889]

2010 and you're still using carts? ! ...and Dar Williams is still amazing.

[@thesteelery]

This is magnificent. Thank you. :]

[@verblegherulous1]

To this day I do not understand why Dar Williams is not universally recognized as one of America's premier singer-songwriters.

[@libertyann439]

I was tom boy LITE. It was more a resentful feeling that boys could get away with more than I could. I'm reminded of Scout in "Mockingbird" when she wore overalls because she "couldn't do anything" in a dress" and Aunt Alexandra said she shouldn't be doing things that require pants.

[@TeamPowerAwesomeTeam]

Awesome!

[@markw4206]

Consider the genius and courage of Dar recording this song in the 90s, way before the concept of gender fluidity and incongruence was on everyone's lips. Just way ahead of her time. Still makes me cry to listen to.

[@warehouse957]

Oh Eff’n Yes

[@KayEllleKay]

Tom boy when I was 5. Tom boy when I'm 15. Theme song

[@terryare]

Really nice song... DADGAD tuning.

[@salieraycommunication5712]

Thank you! I've been trying to figure that out for many years!

[@Rainfish9]

As someone assigned male at birth, I never felt home in that gender. And I hate how it increasingly alienated me from women in a way that this song helps to heal, hearing it from someone on the "opposite side" of the gender binary. I identity as non-binary now, and feel an ache for all the harm our rigid binary study system does in the world

[@billivey2774]

I'm with you, ProfG999, except I teach 7th graders in a girls school. But I grew up hating gender roles, have a son whom I taught to off gender boxes, and love Dar's music. My kids have loved discussing this song.

[@shaztasong1620]

Is it possible to listen to this song without crying?

[@divyajn08]

thanks

[@mikeance]

She plays the guitar well, and he voice matches up well with her guitar playing. I was trying to decipher what brand guitar she was playing, but it was a mystery to me. I didn't always quite catch all the words she was singing. It's nice that there are still people who perform like this.

[@Mjollnir50]

It's a Collings, similar to the current model CJ but a predecessor model. It's my favorite of all her songs, and many others are good as well.

[@lchamale]

www.darwilliams.com/songs/f/The_Honesty_Room/261

[@avalonandon]

Yay!

[@notlih11]

Lyrics I won't forget when Peter Pan came to my house, took my hand I said I was a boy I'm glad he didn't check I learned to fly, I learned to fight I lived a whole life in one night We saved each other's lives out on the pirate's deck And I remember that night When I'm leaving a late night with some friends And I hear somebody tell me it's not safe, someone should help me I need to find a nice man to walk me home When I was a boy, I scared the pants off of my mom Climbed what I could climb upon And I don't know how I survived I guess I knew the tricks that all boys knew And you can walk me home, but I was a boy, too I was a kid that you would like, just a small boy on her bike Riding topless, yeah, I never cared who saw My neighbor came outside to say, "get your shirt" I said "no way, it's the last time I'm not breaking any law" And now I'm in a clothing store, and the sign says less is more More that's tight means more to see, more for them, not more for me That can't help me climb a tree in ten seconds flat When I was a boy, see that picture? that was me Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees And I know things have gotta change They got pills to sell, they've got implants to put in, they've got implants to remove But I am not forgetting That I was a boy, too And like the woods where I would creep, it's a secret I can keep Except when I'm tired, except when I'm being caught off guard I've had a lonesome awful day, the conversation finds its way To catching fire-flies out in the backyard And I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived And I say now you're top gun I have lost and you have won He says, "oh no, no, can't you see?" When I was a girl, my mom and I, we always talked And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do And I have lost some kindness But I was a girl, too And you were just like me, and I was just like you

[@beachdog67]

Wow. You guys still have cart machines? Cool!

[@LeninCat1917]

This song hits even harder when you're trans. Makes me cry every time

[@TrueChimera_]

The fact you think gender matters that much is the problem... it's IRRELEVANT... the REAL differences in gender are literally unfixable by transition... JUST BE YOURSELF

[@reginafromrio]

I'm still a boy.

[@duchessofpercy]

Thanks for your kind words. Don't despair for your son, all men must go through these phases. Check out Way of the Wild Heart by John Eldridge. God Bless

[@ruolinwu4486]

it is a vary sad song.

[@heidilarson7194]

Does anyone have a tutorial or tabs for this? I've got the chords handy but I'm having a hard time dictating the picking pattern.

[@ashleymaude979]

it is open tuning. I have a hard time with it so I " translated it to traditional tuning" so I could cover it

[@JanHale]

I guess we are not the only ones.

[@sallyg2704]

another one who cried the 1st time and many others when I heard this. As a person who identifies as trans, this song could be about that part of sex/gender too.

[@ryandjakovic1256]

Omg this song was traumatic to listen too 🥵

[@123Yellowberry123]

I have to listen to this song for English.

[@JonathanWoosnamLi]

@ThankfulQue yeah I'd guess a G or D open tuning. Only a guess though.

[@lookra26]

boost that 42%

[@brian423]

OK, now do a mashup of this song and the song of the same title by the Electric Light Orchestra.

[@georgemayn7831]

Tim Dillon sent me. Life changed.

[@sciencetoymaker]

To see a bit lighter fare from Dar Williams check out "The Christians and the Pagens" kzbin.info/www/bejne/qpCumnuIfdyUd9U