Women on the Autism Spectrum

[@milamou9352]

I'm almost 60 years old, a medical doctor and I suspected that I may be on the autistic spectrum for the last 20 years. Throughout my entire life, I've had difficulties forming friendships, irrational panic at change and this can even be caused by a chair or ornament moved to a different location by another family member. I'm extremely sensitive to noise and am always feeling like an outsider or misunderstood in social settings. Routine is imperative for me to be able to function properly and deviating from the safety of routine makes me agitated and panicky. I've taken various tests online and spoke about this with my GP who thought that I was just looking for an excuse for my irrational anxiety and intervals of extreme anger and which leads me to 'shut down' as I call it. I'm extremely orderly and tidy and silly things like a curtain not opened so it hangs neatly or throws on the sofa that don't look perfect to my mind also earned me the label of having OCD by the same GP. Recently I managed to arrange an appointment with a psychologist. I purposefully didn't mention anything to her about my self-diagnosis of possible autism. I told her the reason for my visit was to try to understand behaviour traits that have been with me all of my life, even in school but they became worse at university. On the second visit, she presented me with a Q&A test and at the end of the second consultation, she diagnosed me with autism, diagnosing me as high functional autistim. Even though this diagnosis is late, it gives me so much peace and understanding. I thought perhaps I had an unstable personality disorder but that was ruled out. I wish I had known long before that there is a name for my 'odd behaviour'. I've always found myself easily withdrawing or avoiding certain situations. I'm intensely shy and those close to me tell me that I'm calm and empathic but that makes me feel like a fraud. It upsets me but I'm able to keep my emotions in check in the privacy of home or my car. I'm a medical doctor and love my profession and thankfully, I've never felt challenged between that and autism. My psychologist explained to me that my excellent memory and attention to detail (even though sometimes excessive) are a positive to come out of my diagnosis. Both of my sons are on the spectrum which may be the reason I understand them so very well. Thank you so much for sharing this video with us, I'm very grateful.

[@harrietwindebank6051]

The fact that anyone can walk into a room and intuitively know who is receptive to conversation absolutely blows my mind.

[@anyoneanyone3515]

Same here!

[@blonze69]

Agreed!

[@MOJORAPSCALLION]

Me too I wouldn’t have a clue!

[@kanyoni571]

Ooh I never knew people doesn’t do that

[@sydney5650]

Reading this is eye opening because when I cashier I know who does/doesn't want to be talked to, just something I've always felt. It's weird to think other people don't feel those things.

[@torijwilcox]

"Get yourself and environment that works for you. Just because you are suppose to be doing certain things doesn't mean you have to, you need to find a life that suits you, who you are." Thank you for saying this, it brought instant tears to my eyes.

[@rushiaskinnerwallace6175]

Same! This is critical to one’s well-being and success

[@kaiven2429]

So good to hear. Good description of me. I am 81 now and my anxiety stems from a babyhood trauma of rejection and abandonment of Mom which has been triggered over and over throughout my life. Being misunderstood and misdiagnosed is only the tip of the painful iceberg drowning underneath, with no help or support now even. I think the "normal" people need help. Being who you naturally ARE is natural and healthy and NOT being who you naturally are is phony and VERY unhealthy.....just my opinion. The world needs more of us....

[@staceyme1480]

Sad to hear you had such a struggle, I hope you have the help you need now and can finally enjoy your life. 💖

[@bobbartley3680]

I am 71 and can relate to what you say. How do we know if we are autisic or just the products of moms who were not able to give us the support we needed to develop the ability to interact with others and find our place in the world? (Even though I'm said to be "Bob" that is a technical mistake with the technology. I'm female.)

[@treasurechest2951]

@@bobbartley3680 A lot of times unDx autistic people have unDx autistic parents and seems more common to have bad relationships. Nobody recognizes where the stresses are coming from and contributes to a chaotic household

[@treasurechest2951]

@@staceyme1480 I only can say this in the anonymity of youtube, but I'm honestly asking: @Kaiven literally said she has "no help or support now even." Why do you say "I hope you have the help you need now"? Is this NT speak? It sounds like an aphorism and doubly hurtful is that it appears you didn't read what she wrote.

[@treasurechest2951]

@Syd Barger You're talking to me I presume? I am honestly asking, yes. Are you allistic?

[@srwarner3346]

I am 54 , this is me. THe shame involved with making my traits a " manageable" problem has been devastating . Everyone has always known there is something "wrong" with me and I should be able to change! Bouncing off of the roadblocks in society with NO filter has been costly .

[@kaiven2429]

I empathize with you. I made a list of twenty something shameful events in my life and shared them, a few at a time, with a trusted group of people and they still loved me....That disolved my shameful feelings for good and I only had to divulge about sixteen or so of them.....

[@kaiven2429]

I certainly understand big time.....

[@Poniella81]

Same here. Have always been overwhelmed by shame. It’s lifted a bit now that I understand I’m autistic.

[@melisapadilla7326]

Me too

[@melisapadilla7326]

How in the world do I get some help- my family is suffering and since being home for two years and going back to work - I CAN NOT ACT RIGHT ANY LONGER

[@staceyme1480]

I feel that the autism spectrum is best defined with a spider chart. It shows best how the differences in personality can cause differences in autism presentation.

[@lamar1423]

I came to the awareness a couple years ago. It has been both a period of mourning, mixed with relief, letting others off the hook, letting myself off the hook. I had to stop and rethink my entire life. I'm almost 70. Some days I cry over the smallest things.

[@marcellebeddar4308]

I wept watching this and in awe at the level of your understanding. I’m 68 and female. I was diagnosed at 20…when I was diagnosed by a neurologist I was told I had an IQ of 140 but and emotional and social age of 12. During my life time just as you comment…my delays emotional and socially have remained but intellectually I have at times excelled. I cannot safely live by myself or run a home normally. I have been judged by doctors and social workers as being lazy and attention seeking. I have tried to end my life a lot. Why is it that there is so little knowledge pertaining to autism by professional people…..it has caused me such harm as my invisible disability has been overlooked even though I have a diagnosis.

[@mariangel137]

Yes why why why??????? simply unbelievable Why is it that there is so little knowledge pertaining to autism by professional people…..it has caused me such harm as my invisible disability has been overlooked even though I have a diagnosis.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

I’m 48, but that has been my life too. I was finally correctly diagnosed last year. At least I’m rid of all the unnecessary medication now. Just wish I could get all that wasted time back! 😢

[@Dancestar1981]

I had an IQ of 140 too

[@DillpickleReading]

It would be awesome if the public school system really understood how getting children identified early can make a huge difference in the lives of our children. Teachers have to jump through so many hoops to get services for children needing any kind of special support.

[@scorpiotech123]

I agree with you about the importance of early diagnosis. There is so much that can be done to develop these children. I think we need a new approach to disability, where the people involved in medical, educational and social care value what they can help these children to do. If I had lots of money, I would set up a research institute, which would look at developing new methods of physical, educational, emotional and psychological tools. I have ideas for early diagnosis. I think people, who have a label of disability have been ignored for too long. The stupid thing is, that the bigger the problems, the greater the chance for ground-breaking, exciting developments. It is as if many of the medical profession see diagnosis as the end goal and then apply a treatment, if there is one. For me the goal of all interventions whether medical, educational, psychological or emotional would be to help the person experience joy, so that they wanted to carry on living. Also, if that person died, the family and friends would have memories of joy to help them through the grieving process. My approach would be like the space race. I would shoot for the moon to see how much we could achieve for any patient in the experience of fun and joy. As a sideline, I imagine we could develop fantastic new technologies for all people and be proud of them.

[@kaiven2429]

@@scorpiotech123 What do you think of my idea I wrote an article on...when all children are listened to, respected, feel heard and therefore loved. Beginning here....."Our society seems tragically unaware of the potential danger of emotional pain. That pain doesn’t just dissipate on its own. A few fortunate children have an opportunity to express theirs to emotionally healthy adults who can address it and teach them how to handle it appropriately. But where does the emotional pain of the unlucky children go? For far too many kids, that pain stays inside and unexpressed, becoming potential for violence later.

[@marksmadhousemetaphysicalm2938]

Good luck...it's not even helping kids with above average intelligence anymore

[@catherinejames2734]

Being diagnosed at 65 has been better late than never. Maybe now that I understand why I’ve always felt so bad about myself and being so confused about so may things, I can focus on how I can exist and believe in myself. I am an artist and have always been regarded as a highly creative person, but can’t stand being around too many people for very long. I have also a long history of depression and severe anxiety. To meet other autistic women is important to me so I can still socialise without feeling so anxious . It was because of the depression and anxiety counselling that it came out that I might be autistic. Then when tested professionally, I was scored quite high, and without doubt as autistic.

[@MegaSnow121]

69 year old female, newly diagnosed on the spectrum. I have always been a bit different, odd, tomboyish. Bullied at school, grew up with an alcoholic, angry, hateful father and lost my mother in my teens. Good foster home, then married, kids, divorce. Diagnosed with PTSD years ago, but still felt something missing. ASD has helped explain so very much. Great video, I “heard myself” in so much that was discussed. Thank you!

[@BirdieMcLovin]

Wow this was incredible. My daughter was just diagnosed ASD at age 19. It took two attempts. She was basically dismissed at a renowned autism center in our area because she can mask so well! Plus they are still focused on little boys. But everything you discussed is exactly her. This was a detailed discussion that validates what I see in her and you gave wonderful advice. Self-acceptance is important. Thank you!

[@Dancestar1981]

I have as diagnosed with Aspergers at 23 and ADHD Inattentive at 40

[@AurielArts]

I was recently diagnosed at 36 this past week after being misdiagnosed for years as Quiet Borderline, and Bi-polar 2, etc. I qualified for government medical insurance and got my evaluation for free with a center qualified to diagnose adults and women. I live in Colorado. The Colorado Center for Assessment and Counseling is where I went. I hope this helps someone. They are great with offering assessment and resources. And bonus there are no bright lights and they have great communication.

[@ShawnaB.]

Wish I lived in Colorado. I’m glad you found support there.

[@jeha7634]

Feeling so seen, watching this. Thank you for articulating this so well. I rralised I am autistic last year, I was 38. Such a relief, and everything all of a sudden made sense.

[@CdnGrady]

Thank you so very very much for this. Now at 54, I'm discovering myself, who I really am... or at least trying to. Much of what you talked about I can relate to. As you mentioned, there is so little information and fewer professionals who have experience with adult women with autism. I'm recovering from autistic burn-out a year ago after decades of masking, and barely surviving despite appearing to be "high-functioning" to people around me. That HF mask has made it so difficult to get anyone to take me seriously when I say that I'm barely keeping my head above water, and that I desperately need help. I don't have it in me anymore to put on that mask, like I've lost the skills that kept me going for so many years. I struggle to figure out which traits belong to my ASD, my ADHD, or are rooted in the complex PTSD, or other co-occurring disorders. Am I overthinking it? Where does one go from this point? Will I ever feel capable again?

[@joan.nao1246]

@Kerstin Grady - I could've written your reply myself, word for word. Word for word. We are very capable in many, many areas but not while in burn-out... isolated rest and self-acceptance are especially vital while recovering, and as we move forward in our new journeys. I'm educating myself as much as possible on ASD through pro videos such as this, layperson/fellow ASD videos, reading, etc. Not counting on a professional diagnosis as therapists & testing are incredibly costly and, from what I've learned, difficult to obtain as so few are knowledgeable to accurately assess.

[@NothingByHalves]

Like @Joanna O I could've written your reply word for word. I am out of the other side of burnout, but totally agree that the first step is to calm the nervous system and switch off the triggers as much as possible. I thought I was ADD in my forties, then mid-forties had a humungous breakdown due to repressed C-PTSD after wearing a mask since my teens. I healed those issues using energy psychology and somatic techniques for years (was in a terrible state, but still appearing relatively okay - even gave a speech at my sister's wedding, hiding a state of panic all day). And then life still wasn't moving forward and I began to question the ADD again, then took the autism test online and was honest for the first time with my responses. I had been hoping that after healing the trauma I would be normal, but apparently not. I am still a weirdo. Always have been, always will be. It was a relief to know that this wasn't me being lazy though, and also explained why I took so long to work through the trauma issues. If you've got C-PTSD, you've been through trauma, which means you are very strong. Just appreciate that. Some people aren't strong enough to come out of the other side. Secondly, no apologies any more. Recognise what is naturally you and what is not and create boundaries around that. What I really hate with a passion is when more atypical people say "Oh, I struggle with that too" when I know it's not the same. I will work out a way to respond to that, and also a good way to make it clear what I need. And if I'm not given what I need then I won't beat myself up for failing. Lastly, I have found a few really great videos on KZbin and realise that easing the ADD will make a huge difference in my life as I am currently all over the place and the slightest thing overwhelms me. I am switching to the Keto diet, as Omega 3 EPA helps to create Dopamine. I also need to exercise more. If you're physically burned out (adrenal fatigue) then gentle yoga or movement might help, or some form of moving meditation and breathing. Oh, and search for some videos on vagus nerve exercises - activating the vagus nerve switches off the stress response and every little helps. The best videos I've found so far: Healing ADD - see and heal the 7 types, Dr Amen - kzbin.info/www/bejne/i4jRe2etn7uob80 Could it be Aspergers - kzbin.info/www/bejne/gqa9d4eeobScgKs The Autistic Brain, Dr Temple Grandin - kzbin.info/www/bejne/g4jIgaWFqriYibs ADHD and how anyone can improve their focus, Dr Andrew Huberman - kzbin.info/www/bejne/nnevZ6SIfq-Nlbs Learning to Respond Not React, Tara Brach kzbin.info/www/bejne/r56zd2OnbLpopa8 (this one is for atypical people, but I like her calm and her sense of humour, so it cheered me up). No more mask. Oh, and you express yourself beautifully, by the way. You're still very capable of that. Love and hugs xx

[@gmdw123]

I can relate to this

[@vulcanknights]

I'm so glad you commented. Over this past Halloween weekend, I had a meltdown at a loud event and had to explain to my SO how exhausted I was just from trying to manage the new people, be a "chameleon" (masking) with the loud atv motors and people screaming. In hindsight, it was a complete "AHA!" moment for the both of us. My son was diagnosed at the age of 4 (he is 7 now); I have yet to be diagnosed, but there is little doubt in my core being. Thank you to everyone for sharing. Edit: Part of the meltdown was me screaming how exhausted I am from keeping the mask up. As a child, I was very quiet and read books while the other kids played/socialized. Definitely felt like an outsider, which hasn't changed. 100% agree that as adults, women will tend to fall apart from a lifetime of burnout. I've been diagnosed with C-PTSD as well as numerous other diagnoses which may have not been accurate.

[@guriausa]

It's not easy to find good content around the subject of women and autism. This was excellent.

[@ItsjustBeth-wk6qi]

This was my life. Not until this year when my sons 9 and 22 were diagnosed that I finally found out who I am. Everything finally made since. I’m currently experiencing shutdown. It’s lasting longer than ever before. I’m 47 and I don’t have the strength or want I once had to try. The exhaustion has taken over.

[@ShawnaB.]

Almost everything the guest spoke of was absolutely relatable to me. 100% me. I’m just now learning about who I am at age 59.

[@gunnerri4636]

I've always wondered why I feel so disconnected from emotions and my inability to focus on things that I find boring or disinteresting. I was bullied growing up because I couldn't make friends and even my own family would shame me because I couldn't concentrate very well on certain subjects in school.

[@jcp5890]

Not on spectrum but enough chatacteristics to be "weird". Old enough to accept it now and those that don't... their loss. I am who I am and I like me. Autism is a super power!

[@angelbogart539]

I hope to reach this comfort with myself. I've retreated into my cave which consists of me & my daughter. I have tried to change my whole life & I just can't. I'm unacceptable & still don't get why BUT I'm now happier having withdrawn from society. I hope to grow happier & this comment gives me hope!💙✌

[@jbug884]

@@angelbogart539 interesting. Why do you feel you are unacceptable, if you don’t mind me asking? Apologies for my interest, I’m trying to discover myself age 43!

[@leenasca2339]

Wow. This answers so many questions about myself. I was diagnosed for depression at 16. And finally in my 40's the answers are here. The sense of relief.

[@tjs0067]

I was diagnosed at 50 I was angry for years I struggled no one would listen. I have clinical depression no anxiety.

[@peaceandhonesty3516]

Ditto

[@DeeWeber]

9:10 We are who we are. We can modify behavior with work but we are who we are.

[@straightwaymentalhealthmin4533]

I'm 47 years old and just diagnosed on the autism spectrum. You're describing my life and it's been very painful being misunderstood for most of my life. When I would even mention that I might be autistic it would be dismissed immediately. I don't know how I made it this far in my life undiagnosed. I also was told by many people that they consider it that if I made it this far without treatment that the insurance companies see it that I made it this far therefore don't need treatment.

[@MaryPinkHair]

It is surprising to me how common this is. Unless, of course, life is totally unbearable.... for instance the masking that we do in order to be able to function productively causes people to misunderstand why our behavior is radically inconsistent. And for sure we can't even understand it ourselves? It was always so easy to believe something was wrong with us.... I just remember BELIEVING that something was missing in me that was not missing in other people. I felt abnormal. I am 75 yrs old now, so the pressure is less, of course and I have no desire to get a diagnosis so, these videos sure are helpful.

[@MartianTom]

Brilliant video! As a late-diagnosed autistic male, I couldn't agree more with what is said here.

[@madeleiner559]

22m26...woman enters a crowded room...that's 100% me. My thoughts are, "oh my god, how did I manage to not get myself univited to this thing?? what a nightmare. Oh, wait, there's a dog! Light at the end of the tunnel". So I'm at a work conference and the meetings themselves are ok, break for lunch DISASTER...the lunch line-up chat DISASTER.....cue the toilet...I'll just not eat lunch. Thats exactly my experience. Until you said that in this video, I never really knew why it was like that for me. My self talk is, "I'm such a freak"..its sort of sad. And the part about other people intuitively knowing what to do in that situation is just, incredible I think. But I have a question: Often if say I can't stand going to those conference days with "mix/mingles" etc...NT people will say, "Oh I hate those too!" but really, why do they say that when clearly they intuitively know what to do? And if they do hate it, what are being so deceptive about that and looking like they are having a great time? Because actually, there's nothing wrong with everyone going for individual walks at break time or some other 'not mingle' situation. God I can't stand those days! :-)

[@kikataye6293]

How do we get assessed for autism? I’m 50 years old now and tired of feeling anxious, alienated, guilty and rejected by family and others. I remember being little and wishing that I was never born and how much I just wanted to die

[@kaiven2429]

I empathize. I still say that I would not have minded being aborted and I am almost 82 and it is still true...Others don't seem to believe me, but it is true nevertheless...

[@jcp5890]

Come on ladies! Regardless! Your family should love you no matter what. Sounds like you are surrounded by assholes.

[@kaiven2429]

@@jcp5890 Many, many parents do not know how to show emotional LOVE, they were not loved themselves as a child so don't know what love is even. I am 82 almost and after working on rewiring my brain for 40 years, I am finally beginning to know real love for my new cat, now I'd love a chance to love a human. Something good is happening to me.

[@jannekelind1220]

I always find solace in being around other people on the spectrum. Maby there is a group or something organized in you’re area.

[@peaceandhonesty3516]

@KikaTaye Find someone well known for diagnosing autism in women. If you can't find someone nearby then arrange to do it over zoom. I was diagnosed at 50. It's great for helping you see things very differently.

[@SchizoCrankyCrafter]

So glad I found this video... Last week I watched the show, ‘ Everything is going to be okay.’ where one of the characters realizes he might be on the spectrum... Sounded so familiar, so I took a few on-line tests and indeed keep coming up on the spectrum. Then I started watching videos and sure enough, this is me through and through. I’m a 63 year old woman. I had a severe brain injury at 4 and have had several diagnosis over my lifetime. Why am I feeling, after seeing this new information, great relief and sadness all balled up into one giant frustration fuzz ball? Basically, I’m a left handed, right brain dyslexic, with OCD, ADHD, BIPOLAR, Anxiety disorder, along with a boarder line personality disorder.... I am a creative... Inside my imagination the weather’s fine, outside it? Well, this video pretty well sums it up...

[@ShawnaB.]

I might be your twin. I’m all of what you said except I’m 59. Just realized I’m from the autism world. Such mixed emotions

[@SchizoCrankyCrafter]

@@ShawnaB. Hello fellow creative. Next month I finally get tested. Took over six months to get in, but hey, I’ve waited this long for answers, so… Actually, I don’t need a professional to tell me what I already know, but they are the gatekeepers to getting into studies. I would very much like to be a part of the ‘awakening’ to the fact, we are out here. We have worth. And given the chance to be heard and believed, we can offer our talents and unique perspectives to help heal our world. I very much hope, SRCflowers, you too are seeking validation through a diagnosis. And will seek a second opinion if your tester fails on their end. I plan to…

[@Prudenthermit]

😭 was nailed with bi polar ocd anixety & depression& ptsd then as i aged it became schizotypal, borderline & obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Thankful for the therapist who finally decided to give me the adult autism quotient 😭.

[@lmal71]

I have to say something about this "feeling different". I am in the process of diagnosis. My struggle started from the moment my children were born. I mean, I felt strange before, but all my life I thought I am just broken and/or incorrectly raised ;D When my children were born I realised that it is horridly difficult to deal with everyday life and I am just so exhausted. As my mother started showing signs of Alzheimers at the same time (just before she turned 70), I assumed that this is early alzheimers, or a least that I have some damages in my prefrontal cortex, that my brain works incorrectly. And only now I am discovering that all of this is called autism....

[@vintage_violet]

My big struggle started when I had my son, too. My routine was thrown out the window and the sensory issues etc wore me out, even though I had an "easy" baby. I was dianosed with GAD, Chronic Fatigue, PPD etc. I now think most of the atress was because I wasn't able to be "Autonomous" anymore, alone time was so infrequent... i hated being a parent though I doted on him and adore him (he's now 20 and just moved out). Never wanted another due to the stress... My MASKING during his childhood was exhausting because I didn't want him to feel rejected at all (as I felt growing up with very likely Autistic parents!). My son may be on the spectrum actually which is what got me researching it. We're both still undiagnosed but I hope to find out soon. ❤

[@wolfdreams2000]

This is great, thank you! I'm an undiagnosed 61 yr old in VT, and I'm grateful for the woods I live in since the peace here is palpable. It provides the ability to reflect and see if ASD fits me as it seems to. So does ADD, tho. 🤪

[@lacypierce6487]

I was first dx’d when I was 9. The only reason it was that early in my case was that I acted out (talking relatively, repeating things I thought were amusing umpteen times, rediscovering and developing an obsession with the original Disney movies, etc) due to my mother’s (who has a mental illness) abuse and being suddenly foisted into a “new” world I didn’t know the first thing about or my place in it. Plus I was intimidated by the other kids’ rough and tumble play culture and wanted nothing to do with that. I was basically written off as the ‘weird” kid all throughout school. I am capable of having an actual conversation, even a personal conversation. Though a lot of small talk annoys the crap out of me. I have caught myself a few times in adulthood but mostly I know better than to talk on and on about my interests if the other person might not necessarily share that interest. I also have a lot of difficulty judging how much the other person actually wants to know when they ask me a question so I often leave the answer hanging mid-sentence afraid that I’m about to turn it into a lecture. I also have a LOT of trust issues and have a lot of difficulty telling who’s trustworthy upfront unless they make the effort to talk to me-which most people don’t. Plus a lot of issues with feeling like I’m burdening the other person when I try to delegate. Unless it gets so out of hand that I can no longer handle it on my own or I know ahead of time that it’s going to require more than one person to solve. I could especially relate to what you said about the constant anxiety about saying something wrong and inadvertently hurting the other person’s feelings. That is VERY me. It’s one of the many reasons that I don’t say much of anything beyond “hi, how are you?” with maybe a comment or two about the weather.

[@anjachan]

that is what I always say ... women and men are closer to each other than some people want them to be. I mean, we all are humans. We have to be similar to each other. Even autistic traits are human traits. It´s just a little different, but we notice that of course. I really see myself in this video again ... I always have to think about what to say and which person I can speak to in a room. I don´t want to say the wrong thing or disturb someone. To often it happens ... I really don´t know what I can change very often.

[@alexandrastonor6936]

Thank you for this helpful conversation & information sharing. In the UK it's extremely difficult to get a diagnosis at any age but it becomes more difficult & expensive as we age. It is out of the question for most of us unless there is mental breakdown. Recently diagnosed, I am a 56 yr old female who has experienced many of the benefits and positive outcomes available to autistic people, down to luck & fate. I always describe myself as a boring person who has had an exciting life. Our services here in the UK are chronically underfunded and therefore there are very few support groups, esp for females and esp since Covid.

[@whatwhy6447]

It isn't just women that mask. I was diagnosed at 29. We are everywhere.

[@LALife6]

I’m 42, just discovered I am on the spectrum of autism. Your indicators are me 💯. I am an artist as well. Amazing discovery.

[@paigepotter7237]

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and other specified Neurodevelopmental disorder (for my sensory processing issues). After hearing this and some other talks about women on the spectrum, I think it’s more likely that it’s ADHD and Autism, but I suppose that this diagnosis is close enough for me. I’ve learned how to get by kinda. But yeah, it all fits very well. Thinking back to my childhood too. It’s a little scary to see this more clearly. I am just trying to process it all and figuring out what this means for me going forward. I’m 34 and have joined the Army only a year ago. Having my routines disrupted has been very difficult. Being around so much noise and so many people is really difficult. I’ve isolated myself so much of my life. Needed to find a way to pay off student loans and a want to go back to school. Some of my traits work well for this environment, and others very much do not. Thank you for the information. This has been helpful. I was confused about all the information out there about people on the spectrum being in STEM fields, and me with my fine art background. With art, it’s so easy to work on projects. I could do that forever, but networking and figuring out how to talk to people to get my work out there feels impossible. I do have close friendships, but do way better one-on-one (sometimes three people is fine). It gets too hard to balance with any more than that. I just stop talking, and when I do interject I’ll get weird and say the wrong things at the wrong time. Or circle back to something that was brought up before but the other people have moved on. Or I’ll go off on a tangent and monologue about something that other people are not discussing. It’s easier to just be quiet when there are more people and I almost always just end up (physically & mentally) wandering off.

[@kaiven2429]

Same here, I appreciate hearing someone else with similar experiences. what to do.....?

[@dylandonaghue6750]

Me: very slow processing speed, to the point where people have assumed that I am stupid or don't have an opinion, or that I'm ignoring them. Also me: extreme sensory issues, which only seem to be getting worse with age.

[@christineritchie8014]

Not sure if I am or not on the spectrum (although I identify with a lot of symptoms) but grew up hearing family say that my extremely intelligent, high-functioning maternal grandfather had Aspergers. He was a cold man and emotionally and possibly physically abused all of his kids. My mom was mentally ill, untreated, and was very abusive to me and my sibling, no one helped us ever despite my complaints at school. I’m 52 and have tried to get help only to be given, IMO, the wrong diagnosis, exactly what you mentioned, and many meds were prescribed that I rejected after trying a few that never helped but seemed to hurt. At this point I believe it’s pointless to try to obtain another diagnosis unless it could help me but I truly believe Kaiser cannot and will not help anyone with any mental health, including the really serious stuff. I can’t afford out of pocket help. Kaisers system is beyond horrible. Heck the mental health system in USA sucks! Anyway, Kaiser was neglectful with the diagnosis’s they’ve pinned on me and have perplexed me. They give meds like Halloween candy and don’t provide adequate therapy and don’t adequately monitor blood levels, etc. I’m hopeless about how I will ever find the help I desire.

[@kaiven2429]

me too...

[@sandraschultz3104]

childhood emotional neglect (CEN) and trauma is also a big factor in our lives also. Which sounds like you experienced. Big HUG!

[@Serenastar79]

I'm newly diagnosed with dangerous depression and having to fight ODSP. I'm so tired and my children are on the spectrum too which is on my plate, I'm from Ontario.

[@teresat2162]

Spent high school looking down at the ground every where I went yet I could still see all the people, how I was different. The girl l stood next to in Pom, she was the same way as me. We didn’t really talk, we both got benched on the 1st football game. lol we never said a word. Later I became 1 of her best friends. 🙃

[@rushiaskinnerwallace6175]

This is a much needed and appreciated talk. Thank you for having the discussion and sharing it here. So good. Really helpful. Even healing. 🙏🏼☺️

[@ChristiansPrayingTogether]

🌅🌼🌅🌼 Awesome talk ! Very helpful to me as I believe my 12 year old daughter needs some testing for this. Lovely to meet another Dania - I'm now 52 years old and didn't meet another person with our name until I was 40 - so nice to meet you 🌅

[@yvetteroiz2625]

Ugh I'm in Virginia and I'm trying to get help as a 60 year old female. I looked at some websites that you've referred but they're all geared for children. 💔

[@sydney5650]

One of the most important videos I've found recently... at 24 you are describing me exactly. Thanks for sharing.

[@jmo2104]

I love this, not a spectrum but a universe. Succinctly expressed.

[@Juleswuzhere]

Thank you for the validation to my recent diagnosis

[@fedoramcclaren4294]

As an individual who is diagnosed with mild autism (Aspbergers), I am curious as to why something such as Pathological Demand Avoidance has not become in process for the pathways to a diagnosis. Pathological Demand Avoidance is part of the autism umbrella at this time, but is only considered a diagnosis in a couple of places (The U.K. and Australia)...

[@yoganature3598]

21:30.. ‘slower processing’ ..interviewers words to expound into an operational insight for what this could mean 🙏💚

[@ChelseaGibsonTherapy]

A universe of a people!!

[@DunderMifflin_ThisisPam]

It's not because 'kids are cute'. It's because kids enter the school system and teachers quickly realize that many kids on the spectrum cannot do (or be expected to do) most of the things on the agenda for the day. Constant transitions, playing in groups, bright lights and loud sounds, etc means that teachers must have the students assessed and get them the help they need. As teachers we often have several children on the spectrum in one classroom, along with other special needs, and kids who are just tired or hungry or can't sit for more than 2 minutes. So no, they don't get attention because they are cute, but because it is absolutely necessary.

[@KeamogetsweMotone-tq1kw]

So good to hear,really helpful to understand and support others.

[@peaceandhonesty3516]

I have no filter. But I felt a bit judged by y'all saying 'you better learn to have a filter.' I don't choose to offend people. I think NT's are far more offensive at times. I just speak the truth. People ask questions and then looked shocked when you answer??? Don't ask unless you want the truth.

[@britanymedina6064]

I absolutely agree! But I don’t feel judged. They are looking out because even though the truth is always best, not everyone deserves the truth and it can bite you in situations with derogatory people who have any power over you.

[@elevatorface]

Also a shout out to all the late diagnosis men who are even more of a minority and i don't see many communities for them. I know a lot of us, female and male, must be suffering out there still oblivious. I only got lucky cos an autistic friend told me. I hope they all can find out sooner than later.

[@JenniferJenseneclectichoops]

My sister is in her 60’s and undiagnosed. She is miserable and it breaks my heart. Her better friends have kids with ASD who seem to normalize her drama. None have pushed for a diagnosis and my family is in complete denial. How can I get her help when she is so resistant to any therapy?

[@peaceandhonesty3516]

You didn't listen to the question about BPD. The person asking the question referred to misdiagnosis of BPD not the people actually having BPD.

[@LauraRodriguez-mn1vd]

My daughter is 22 years old and I didn't start seeing these things you ladies are speaking about. I want to help but she doesn't want the help and she says she want me to help. I know she would benefit from the resources but how and where to begin. We live in Houston, TX. Thank you in advance.

[@Cuidichmi]

Great video. Unfortunately getting a diagnosis can sometimes be really difficult, medical gaslighting lack of resource etc etc.

[@sandraschultz3104]

I have learned Relationship issues are also related to Spectrum because of the characteristics of the spectrum behaviors, not understood by others, empathy issues, not looking, not listening, etc.

[@guriausa]

16:13 and this. (Recommendations for coping.)

[@ThePathOfLeastResistanc]

This describes my life. Misdiagnosed bipolar

[@DeeWeber]

12:35 Seen or safe. You never feel safe, either.

[@issaxyz5247]

Thank you for sharing this information.

[@lizwillson3349]

Hi. Aspergers self diagnosed at 60, confirmed by psychiatrist and psychologist specialist in ASD. Help is limited though. Do you consult remotely 🙏 🙏 🙏

[@a.l.devlieger8866]

Very interesting, thank you very much!

[@jbug884]

I scored 26 on an online test, but apparently that’s perfectly normal and in the 30’s is autism. Phew!

[@Alien_ated-human88]

Omg description of me… thank you for this video! I need to connect to some other folks. I feel like I miss a lot from the typical world. I don’t have any diagnosis and I don’t think I can get one. I don’t even need it. I just need someone to talk to, to connect. Someone similar to me… is it possible?

[@lillypicadilly4048]

OMG FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY somebody understands. This is ME and I'm OK...😭😭

[@alexiacarrasco9033]

Is it ok to still expect some sort of work on a relationship from someone on the spectrum?

[@bamboopanda1626]

Basically, what's everyone on the spectrum has been trying to tell people is: Everyone experiences autism differently.

[@bobbartley3680]

How would an autistic child be affected if raised in a dysfunctional family? Is it better or worse? Is autism exacerbated by poor attachment to a primary caregiver? Would the family push the child away/abandon the child?

[@taylorbritt499]

Autistic minds thrive on structure and routine and a stereotypical dysfunctional family is not very structured. So a dysfunctional family would probably hurt more than help an autistic child. However if you mean dysfunctional in the sense of a high number of neurodivergent people in the family, that may be better in a sense for the child because they can show more direct empathy and have more understanding of the child needing accommodations and such. So it really depends on what you mean by "dysfunctional"

[@denisemorris5583]

If an insecure parent seeks positive reinforcement from the child who is not able to provide it, there is a constant conflict where the child gets heightened negative attention. This interaction pushes the child deeper into her shell, or even beyond it through dissociation.

[@beccar3533]

All things are worse with a bad environment

[@marksmadhousemetaphysicalm2938]

Also high functioning and late diagnosis ASD...I hear so many people talk about their mom being uncaring and or some personality disorder...and since ASD is 0.9 genetic and back when their mom was growing up...ASD didn't happen in women...in fact Asperger's wasn't a diagnosis...any chance their mom had it? Perhaps that is why we have it...and that is why the relationship was so bad? It doesn't excuse bad behavior of course...but worth considering for those of us with troubled relationships with our parents. Disability is an explanation not an excuse as I do say...I have 2 brain injuries as well...I'm a guy in my 50s and was just diagnosed...my IQ was...before my brain injuries in the 160s...the IQ test really isn't accurate above the 130s due to problems with small sample size...so anyone who tells you their exact IQ above 130...is incorrect...but...when I was growing up...the image was Rain Man...so many men were missed too...

[@DeeWeber]

20:45 Gifted so that you do well on tests but not in class. Ask women about how much work they put into fitting in... Did they study it, try to copy, spend hours going over the memory reels and then go around doing social repairs? Did they have an alone place no one knew about? How did they calm themselves when no one was watching?

[@annaynely]

Ppl w/ psychosocial challenges are more the same with autistics & autism its sad to see how some try to differentiate these groups without correct info.

[@petercleary1000]

Very Very Very good 👍 👏.

[@anyoneanyone3515]

I am a 50 yr old woman and you have described me perfectly. I’m struggling with this..🤦‍♀️

[@jannekelind1220]

I got my diagnosis at 45. It felt if I got a ticket to freedom. Everything made sense Al of a sudden. So go for it! Get your diagnosis. Autism for me has its downsides but equally it’s perks. Being “different or weird” just makes life so much more interesting.

[@Crystalquartz964]

Trish, you could maybe try an online test

[@kayjay-kreations]

Brilliant thanks

[@ellenl.5581]

Since I've been in the middle age area, I have understood I was different. I have wanted a "We are different club". If I go to the doctor you are put down as mental and Ins won't pay. I am 71 too late now.

[@jovanaswegen1631]

What would you say to someone who was misdiagnosed with Bipolar, thought to have BPD instead, but never clinically diagnosed, diagnosed with ADHD and C-PTSD? Bipolar "symptoms" persist (started looking at those through a sensory issue lense - and her world changed quite significantly) but typical treatment is VERY unsuccessful and the medication just messes her up. She has an autism evaluation soon. What is the likelihood of a male neuropsychiatrist telling her off, even though she KNOWS she is on the spectrum? That woman is me. I am filled with anxiety. I am 28 and was asked by my partner what difference will it make if they slap "Autism" on me... I can't think of any concrete reason.

[@scorpiotech123]

I would say to the person, who has been given so many misdiagnoses, it just shows you how fallible psychiatrists can be. It says more about the psychiatrists, than it does about you. I have had 4 or 5 misdiagnoses myself. I would suggest that you 'google' research your psychiatrist, who is doing the diagnosis. Also, you don't have to accept the diagnosis. Any decent clinician will agree to a second opinion. I have problems with the DSM. The DSM is a book to find a label for you. Why should you have a mental health label, especially if someone is going to look down on you for it? What difference will a diagnosis make? I don't know. You might get help or you might not. I am working on Asperger's and c-PTSD at the moment. Every time I go through a really bad time in life, I do a re-build. Who do you want to be? I start with my physical health, because that is a good foundation for everything else. If you want to try this, realise that there are no quick fixes, but you can probably help yourself. You are the expert in you! Try thinking about one aspect of your health for the next week - physical rather than mental- and write down, what good health means for you in that area. In the second week, make one small change, which will move you towards that good health. For example, if you wanted to eat more fruit, make a plan to have a special piece of fruit every day. Keep that habit going for 6 weeks, then add a new thing. During the practise phase of your new habit, you can research your next step...like a special interest. For example, if you want to improve your sleep, look at KZbin videos on Asperger's and sleep. You could keep a handy hints diary. In fact, it is a good idea to keep a record anyway. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to other people. If you miss a day, it doesn't matter. Sometimes, you have to wait for the wave to carry you forward again, so that you can surf your life again. This is a long-term project, not a short-term one. If you keep a journal record, then a year from now, you will be able to look back and see how far you've come. With a change every six weeks, your life could be nearly 9 changes different. Remember that you are always doing your best. It's just that on the bad days, you don't evaluate your best as highly as on the good days, but that's unreasonable. Lastly, if something doesn't work for you, try adapting it to you and then give it six weeks and then forget it and find a new thing to try. Change is sometimes difficult for people with Asperger's, which is why I don't recommend massive, all at once changes. Make your change a pleasure!!! Don't force yourself to join an aerobics class, if you are sensitive to the noise reverberation in a sport hall. Go for a nice walk in the park or the country. When your partner asks what difference will it make knowing you have Asperger's, then tell them that it might not make a difference, but it is something you want to do and you would appreciate their support. If you are struggling with any particular aspect of c-PTSD, let me know and I will try to help. I believe in you and your ability to help both yourself and others.😀

[@MLX1401]

@@scorpiotech123 This is really great advice, thanks for sharing :)

[@DDDD17890]

People with autism are often misdiagnosed with BPD, ADHD, C-PTSD, social anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder. I have seen quite a few psychiatrists. Everytime they gave me another diagnosis. Only to find out myself in the following years that it's probably autism. They go by the answers we give them in a particular moment. Sometimes we do not even know how to express what it really is we are feeling or what is causing it. That can also effect the outcome. I do not particulary trust them anymore as far as diagnosis go. Even my son..I thought he had autism at four years old. Had him tested. They said it was nothing. Few years later, tested again, they said it was adhd. More years (and problems) later, finally at 16 they said it was autism. And only then he got the proper treatment and became better. Also my bf. They diagnosed him as C-PTSD. But now we find out he has PDA, a subtype of autism. Diagnosis really need a lot of digging often. And I feel like they don't always have the right tools or insight to give the right ones. That's a shame because our years get waisted.

[@tamaraward8748]

Thank you❤️

[@melisapadilla7326]

I am 54 years old and I feel this is 100% me-

[@TheGenbox2]

Question; If AS women are only now coming to the fore because of a historically formed and limited understanding of AS, mediated by male stereotype; what of the males who are not stereotypical? Unless you think men are stereotypes. And of course, not all AS folk are not magically immune to having a shit and unsympathetic upbringing, having any chance of their autism being seen. I'm suggesting if it is plausible, then it is also urgent, to surmise there is both a female and male population MIA? I was late diagnosis at 50 yrs and yes, I am male. It took another AS person to 'call me out' out of the shadows where that no-one wanted to go. No health professional involved. I call this 'Dirty Autism''. 'DA' equally lurks in shadows of mis-diagnosis, diagnosis of co-morbid's that shade out the core of AS, and non-diagnosis. Also homelessness has an unaccounted for population of mental health issues and equally deserves a better attention. Why I bring this issue up to the surface of you-tube here? I've seen the crazy sexual bias statements bleed in Autism. It was just once, and one swallow does make a summer, but it was enough to wonder if Autism can stay clear of these clouding rhetorical statements .

[@jamilaumarahmed8273]

Great experience doc, you are a God'sent dr odija on KZbin, keep up the good work, I am completely free from HIV ..

[@thiccletics]

I got diagnosed BPD

[@chinbabyogbonna1285]

God Bless you dr odija on KZbin keep on the good work you have been doing and thanks also for curing me off this disease you are truly a God sent towards humanity I appreciate you sir dr odija,,

[@jellydamasing1059]

Pls i have a question i hope we have here answer,the people who has autism disorder can get married or not? between male and female? Is not wierd to the partner soon he or she?,pls answer..Any body..Thank you..

[@1985JM]

Women with autism can get married but not men as they have it worse . fact

[@laurahorton1042]

Of course :) you can do anything that you set your mind to . Dream big

[@karbear04]

you can get married if you choose. If you think about all the undiagnosed wmn who are married... yeah, its def possible. You just have to find the right partner who loves you for you.

[@annehislop2449]

Of course you can marry. Perhaps meet someone through shared interests. Not sure if two aspies make a good match though.

[@jellydamasing1059]

@@annehislop2449 thank you

[@autumn3499]

“Going into a room…. not intuitive….. has to think about it”….. pffffttttt. I have no clue how to approach anyone no matter how much I think. Intelligence - high Social ability - non-existant

[@guriausa]

18:57 How women often fly under the radar.

[@iliyakurmi3269]

I don't really know how to thank you Dr odija on KZbin for making me to live like my fellow mates and for curing me from diabetes.... thank you so much may God always strengthen you and your work..

[@Milioem]

I have no self esteem

[@chinbabyogbonna1285]

God Bless you dr odija on KZbin keep on the good work you have been doing and thanks also for curing me off this disease you are truly a God sent towards humanity I appreciate you sir dr odija,,

[@starchild8822]

I'm 16 and trying to get a diagnosis in the future.... I know I probably won't get to get one until at least 18 This is almost entirely me My therapist laughed at me when I tried to bring it up as a suggestion though I'm trying...

[@guriausa]

7:57 This

[@petekdemircioglu]

Just another destructive aspect on our life because of sexism in Research, Academia and Medicine. There are also many from Laws, Culture etc. Like rape culture for instance.

[@petekdemircioglu]

They always have ALL kinds of rationalizations to sustain it. In medicine, in academia, in laws, in Busines. Its always OUR fault because we are a minority.

[@mariangel137]

YES extremely exhausting .....how many more to die ? dying "to be allowed to be given permission" to be themselves who they truly are?!

[@annaynely]

Sorry your info on bipolar isn't correct. Many resources say bipolar don't need medication. See mad in america.

[@mariangel137]

🙏🙏🙏

[@suzanneharkins6812]

any other autitistics here rly irritated by the host, it was clear that she didnt understand or really make much of an effort to, and expecting simple neuotypical things for things like 'what do autistic people look like'. It felt like she was asking from a Social friendly question asking but not actually genuinely interested way