Worst Game On Steam? - Streatham Hill Stories

[@QuickTimeFailure]

I love how disgustingly bright this game is. Because when I think of London, I think of the blinding sun

[@hyperturbotechnomike]

When i have visited London irl, people seem to have invented weather manipulation to create an infinite cloud of rain. To protect themselves from the light of the sun and to have water cooling of the overheating town.

[@nemoguy]

Oh hey I remember you

[@QuickTimeFailure]

@@nemoguy I say that when I look at the mirror every morning

[@scarmalone]

Lmao 💀💀💀💀💀💀

[@NewRodin]

Surprisingly the colors remind me of how GTA VCS used to look like, but that atmosphere actually fits there because 1984.

[@millerrepin4452]

As someone from streatham I can confirm that we fall through the map all the time

[@zh84]

LOL!

[@lordrosemount]

I know, right? Bloody Lambeth Borough Council. I pay my council tax every month and they can't even stitch the map together properly, or arrange for a decent polygon count.

[@mattd6085]

@@makepeoplemad OI, WHERE IS YOUR COMMENT LICENSE? YOU'RE FUCKING NICKED SON

[@eagflc]

It's got to make funerals cheap. No holes to dig, a coffin to buy, you don't even need to start a fire.

[@EdyAlbertoMSGT3]

@@eagflc Wouldn't the body just respawn in the nearby road?

[@Diana-zp7kk]

Cars driving Day night cycle Unique assets Driving mechanics Different weapons Options Voice acting Police system!!! Cut scenes Missions Flying planes This is amazing, 10/10. If Dev cut his functions by 100 and actually completed that 1% he could have some success.

[@edherdman9973]

Higher polygon count than William Shatner's TekWar anyway!

[@HangmanOfficialUploads]

Nice to see the studio behind GTA:SA definitive Edition made games beforehand. With a portfolio like this, I totally understand why Rockstar hired them for the project.

[@theminerboy5694]

😂😂😂

[@history-jovian]

@@theminerboy5694 Nah this is the fact

[@thecasualhawk]

This was just before the funding 😂

[@AvatarRaziel92]

before they even ported san andreas :D

[@AndrewBarsky]

Now this is a grand slam. Nice work 😂

[@thatotherrandomfloridian9456]

This game feels like it’s missing a few lines of code

[@defective4]

...here and there

[@c.Orange]

Or has couple thousand lines too many, spaghetti.

[@mane23695]

More like the game is only a couple lines of code

[@shield_maiden_]

Most of the issues Im seeing at the start are things that I know if it were Unity I could fix in a few minutes without any code. Im not sure what their engine is haha

[@theminerboy5694]

​@@shield_maiden_I'm guessing "3D Game Engine" hasn't been updated since like the year 2000.

[@wewantarock]

Spent most of my childhood in Streatham. you actually start out on one of the roads where I lived. This game is actually really accurate to the real place. I mean, despite all the glitches. Only some of them are real.

[@imsleepy6211]

This is really cool. I bet it was kind of a trip seeing that

[@halfbakedproductions7887]

I know there is a certain manner of speaking in that part of London, but 1990s slang with a slight American lilt isn't it.

[@A_Stereotypical_Heretic]

​@@halfbakedproductions7887yes

[@A_Stereotypical_Heretic]

​but more colonial America than modern, still tho

[@ishiggidiggi]

I am absolutely baffled at how a raindrops-on-player-viewscreen texture can actually physically and surreally warp virtual reality so drastically

[@therunawaykid6523]

It’s like the game turned into the matrix what is real what is a dream?

[@skylarkblue1]

This is a REALLY old game engine, like 90s to 2000s kinda old. No wonder you where having so many tech problems, poor thing was probably on fire inside.

[@eightcoins4401]

After 2005. It 1:1 ripped menus from GTA San Andreas which came out in 2005

[@themightywhatever4884]

@@eightcoins4401 I guess the game was made in or after 2005, but the engine could be older. Nonetheless, absolute fever dream.

[@skylarkblue1]

@@eightcoins4401 I mean, 2005 is still 2000s aha, the engine started to die off around 2010

[@Boomrainbownuke9608]

@@skylarkblue1 was it bad?

[@dizzythakidd7350]

@@eightcoins4401 yea but that doesn't mean the game engine is from 2005 . the game engine is from like 1995

[@Tukaro]

22:38 The game was laughably bad... until this point. This sorta-"negative" world you enter for multiplayer creates a solid creepypasta foundation. Like, all those times you were randomly murked turns out to be your future self in multiplayer shooting your single-player self. Completely unintentional, I'm sure, but the vibe for such a thing is _immaculate_

[@Hanako44]

The entire sequence is very atmospheric. It feels as though everything falls into place coincidentally(broken animation, textures, sounds, empty world). I really like the sensation of being in a blank uninhibited canvas. I think more have to realise that sometimes a lot of their beloved concepts were inspired by honest mistakes and coincidences like this one. I would appreciate the existence of a story to this, too.

[@Nivmax]

I think the character model you found in the online mode was actually the single player character. They didn't just leave the mission markers in, but the main character too.

[@lamehomer]

Yea he just stays there like a robot waiting to regain control

[@Narrativerse]

Its Herobrine

[@Slay_No_More]

​@@lamehomer relatable

[@explosivo666]

If you wanted London, you should have played the classic Grand Theft Auto: London 1969.

[@yourik.1260]

so im not the only one remembering this game i was almost worried it might have been a fever dream lmao

[@superscatboy]

GTA London was sick!

[@TeionM83]

Never played it, but it's been on my list for ages. I'll get to playing it _eventually_ .

[@ChrisDelChris]

Yeah I was going to say, the Housers are English and the first thing they did after making GTA was create a version in London. Not to mention Sony’s The Getaway. London is one of the cities that already had the most GTA-like games. e: hell I’d throw Watch Dogs: Legion in there too

[@izthisheaven]

One of the first games I ever played

[@pixelated_jefe]

OMFG, when you mention it was made with 3D game studio, I lost it😂😂😂. I used the engine back when I was 15ish. I'm 32.

[@halfbakedproductions7887]

Wikipedia has games on that engine from as far back as 1995. Dear Lord.

[@recodegamesstudio]

This game was made originally in 2008 if you look it up on google, so makes sense.

[@TMWF1]

as a streatham resident, some of the buildings and models actually look realistic which is scary to say

[@lordrosemount]

I think they must have ripped it from Google Street View or something, since they're clearly photos of the actual buildings.

[@katfox_cal]

Since i can, i'll explain why the driving is so weird: the actual car object is invisible, but behaves and steers like you'd expect a car to do in a videogame there's also a 2d image overlay on the camera with the back of the car, being a separate object and having no0thing to do with the 3d car object

[@nakano15]

That actually makes sense.

[@Thrawn526]

@@nakano15 Yes. After reading this explanation and watching the driving portions again, they start to make more sense of what is going on.

[@rodrigoybanez8148]

The multiplayer by itself could be a liminal space horror game.

[@ZeyTheDaemon]

Literally just a Backrooms level, lol

[@shinrailp1416]

Not gonna lie the cars in this game gave me the ebst laugh this week so far. I don't even know how it is possible to code a 3D object to suddenly become a 2d sprite with that kind of driving "mechanics"

[@SheepUndefined]

Given my experience with retro engines, the weird driving mechanics are almost 100% some sort of framerate bound issue. Lot of these engines both: -Expect FPS to be below a certain "reasonable" amount -Just leave the FPS fully unlocked so modern computers brick half the physics processing lmao

[@BizarePlayer]

Such a masterpiece. I'm pretty convinced that guy who made this beautiful game had a license for all minor brands like Renault, Mercedes-Benz, McDonald's and Subway. Textures are pretty realistic looking, reminds me of early 2000's when games had a literal jpeg slapped on things to make them look realistic. Nice little touch on detail for the clock using a colon during certain times and the magically switching to army style without colon. Driving is amazing. Tokyo drifting through straight road while making almost 90 degree angle instantly! 100/10, would buy this game for PS4.

[@therunawaykid6523]

It looks so bad….but at the same time I want to be play it and being British I’m intrigued to see all the different shops and explore the surreal world

[@CobraDBlade]

I wonder if in the "ladders/kill mafia boss" mission its that the boss is IN the jet on the roof, but the game being, well, the game, is broken so that you're able to enter the vehicle with them in it and crashing it killed them, completing the mission.

[@EdyAlbertoMSGT3]

Last time i checked the Eurofighter Typhoon is not a 2-seater Okay i'm sorry this isn't gonna make for a funny joke

[@mushishroom3563]

bro the multiplayer is just a liminal space horror game set in london at that point lmao. it literally set me on edge.

[@cellulanus]

25:15 That's not another player. That's the player character from single player. He's just sitting there in the MP.

[@SuctionTesticleMan]

The Vauxhall Vectra police car used in this was my creation (it was a mod I made for Vice City 20 years ago), and the cheeky so-and-so responsible for this game lifted it without asking (as presumably also happened with a fair few other assets used). Entirely coincidentally I grew up not far from Streatham Hill and shared a desire to see a more modern GTA set in London, hence the theme of my mods. The game's map is actually very loyal to Streatham - the McDonald's and the (now-ex) Wetherspoon pub the Crown & Sceptre both exist at that crossroads, and the inclusion of the bus garage (confusingly called Brixton Garage) tells us the game starts on Telford Avenue opposite. Most of the buildings on the street in the game can be found in reality (or Streetview), and you can even find door number 17 where you start. I always fancied playing this but resented paying the price of a 2005 pint for something that had my work in it, so thanks!

[@numbersstationsarchive194]

Were you known as "Suction Testicle Man" back then too??

[@SuctionTesticleMan]

@@numbersstationsarchive194 Yep

[@zh84]

This is the funniest one of this series I've seen so far. The game ranks alongside "Big Rigs Over The Road Racing" for its use of 3D maps and assets.

[@OysterBoyo]

Definitely my favorite SH. Can't understand why Konami decided to remake two instead of this.

[@countblacke]

Dude I LOVE these videos. Been following you for awhile and I'm so glad you're growing a ton! You're super entertaining and I love that you bring awareness to sh*tty yet entertainingly bad video games that no one has ever heard of before.

[@Exotac]

Holy crap. 3D Game Studio. That's a name I haven't heard... in a long time.

[@cryptidcat1740]

The bug you got at 5:40 is one I consistently get when I alt tab while playing Skyrim. So at least it's on the same tier of bugs as Bethesda?

[@erxer1]

It's a somewhat common bug on games running on way too out of date engines

[@LinksBetweenDrinks]

I've never been across the pond to London. But now, why would I need to? I've got the full experience in one video! Thanks, Wiz!

[@azalea_k]

All I remember about Streatham Hill was the Odeon, the Firkin, the pizza-borne food poisoning, 7p Lidl beans, and buying my N64 from Argos. This game has way too much greenery. EDIT: Wait, 24:07, now THAT'S realistic looking.

[@Journey_to_who_knows]

Now Heinz sells their shit for 1.50. We’re going to hell

[@archlemon]

The biggest crime is having to experience what it's like to live in Britain

[@garethwillis]

This game makes London look up-market. It's changed so much, mostly because of muppets stealing bikes and anything else they can get their hands on. As long as it doesn't involve a real job they're up for it. So sad.

[@garethwillis]

Have you been to London btw, I'm just curious? If so where did you go and what did you think of the place?

[@talentkid234]

@@garethwillisDidn’t like the crowds and how many tourists there were. Loved the old looking buildings. Stayed at a hotel that looked like it was pulled from the 1800s. Seems like there are less old fashioned buildings in America. Much preferred the suburbs without crowds and more cool old landmarks

[@someguy1865]

​​@@talentkid234Didn't like the crowds and how many tourist there were" sums up everyone's take on NYC lol

[@talentkid234]

@@someguy1865 Never been to NYC for the exact reason lol

[@AsterInDis]

5:12 that man blasting off into the sun, I had to replay that three times haha

[@ingvarsuigin609]

Funniest thing I've seen all day. You're killing it. "You can look under houses. There's a window" Casual delivery of the most insane details. Why is the foundation made of windows? No idea

[@dankforest]

The cop sirens. I couldnt stop laughing. I work at a desk people were staring. But it was all worth it to catch the wiz run the backstreets of europe glitching through busses and warped displays!

[@Dubmayer]

As a Londoner I must say that its a very accurate representation of stacked cars that are everywhere here! There were moments when I wasnt sure whether im watching KZbin or looking out of the window!

[@HaikuOezu]

Dude you have no idea how ANCIENT 3D Game Studio is… I remember fucking around in it on Windows 98 A quick Google search confirms that the A4 release (the one I tried) is from 99, but apparently the engine has roots in 1993, when it was a Wolfenstein-like engine

[@halfbakedproductions7887]

The oldest 3DGS game listed on Wikipedia is from 1995. I've never heard of any of the games on that list either.

[@xanatanuwu]

this whole thing feels very Lynchian, from the slow ass death animation and audio glitches, gives this a very surreal quality.

[@TheFos88]

Good way to put it, for sure.

[@kirat2009]

my video started buffering right when you said "so i think we can expect there to be some technical--" (0:53) and it took like 10 seconds before i realized it wasn't an intentional joke

[@Jokoko2828]

God, this brings me back, there's just so many ancient janky GTA clones out there you could spend a lifetime trying to play them.

[@michaeldonoghue9015]

The game engine has not been optimized for modern rendering pipelines. This is why there are so many problems. A few tweaks would really clean up a lot of the graphical anomalies.

[@halfbakedproductions7887]

If they'd rebuilt on a modern engine like Unity it wouldn't have had the same comedy value, mind you.

[@michaeldonoghue9015]

@@halfbakedproductions7887oh yeah. You have to have the glitches for entertainment value.

[@comment1353]

I thought GTA in the UK was just The Getaway.

[@Wyr3d]

There was already a GTA London - it was released in 1999 and was one of the original top-down games both on PC and PS. There was also that Black Monday series on the PS2, which is essentially GTA 3 set in London

[@Perfect_Rice]

It was The Getaway series. The sequel was subtitled Black Monday.

[@Xegethra]

There's a clip of it in the video, I think he knows.

[@TheGary108]

Ah yes, the Getaway game series, it’s a shame they never got a new one for the current gen. It was fun.

[@-pressxtostart-]

Watch dog legion too but.. 🤮

[@lizstary]

WICKED WIZARD STRIKES AGAIN WITH ANOTHER BANGER--these videos seriously make my day when I see them!

[@CompletelyNormal]

The motto of this game should be "we have GTA at home."

[@Neremworld]

You know what's GTA In London? GTA LONDON 1969.

[@Thrawn526]

I think this is almost Temu GTA.

[@rhyssanford4187]

read this as “street ham hill stories” and was very confused as to what street ham would be

[@Daminite]

I'd love to see a game that started out this amazingly jank but has a hidden horror game in it that's actually stable. I wouldn't pay it. But I'd love to watch someone else play it.

[@gassedjohansen2478]

The shaders are fucked up to simulate the average Londoners ketamine habit, it’s also why the controls are so fucked up

[@MegaArc]

Being able to recognise some of these irl locations was p surreal lol

[@mikeberg6407]

Wizard: "For the longest time I always wondered what GTA would be like if it was set in London?" GTA London 1969: "Am I joke to you?"

[@The13thGhostBunny]

Right? lmao. Played GTA London when I was a kid. There's also The Getaway: Black Monday which is a 3rd person game similar to GTA and set in London.

[@JohnZombi88]

Pretty sure that's the joke considering he was showing footage from GTA: London when he said it.

[@horusreloaded6387]

​@@JohnZombi88 I guessed this but looking for a confirmation. Thanks

[@tarkitarker0815]

@@JohnZombi88 idk not a joke, i think he just didnt think of adding "3d" to london in his sentence because he cant do scripts.

[@halfbakedproductions7887]

@@The13thGhostBunny Black Monday was the sequel that came 2 years after the original. Those games were underrated, never as good as GTA but had a special vibe to them.

[@Boomer04888]

I've never been to the UK, it's amazing to see what an average day in the life of you blokes is like. Flying cars, sideways cars, cars on ice skates, fighter jets hanging out on top of your flats, massive wooden walls in the middle of your roads, and gaps to the underworld at the seam of every store front. I'll have to visit one day to experience it for myeslf.

[@Sundaydish1]

3DGS is Tescos value Unity. The Getaway is what you want if you want a GTA game set in London. I worked for SCEE when this game was being made. The Sony office is in the game, along with the sandwich shop across the road I used to buy my egg sarnies from.

[@fluttershystayshigh4202]

"He looks so sad" What did you expect? you'd be sad too if you were in this game, goodness gracious man i got depressed just looking at this, there is no way in hell they made this shit with seriousness in mind, it must have been created as a joke.

[@shinrailp1416]

Surprised you could even look at it in the first place. 2 minutes in and my eyes already started hurting from the blurry visuals and how bright everything is.

[@jcohasset23]

I think it's fair to say for this game that it needs the age old advice of "solo developers can do some amazing things but still need to get someone else to playtest it"

[@octopodd]

So I’m almost positive that the house you bought at the end is literally one of the house interiors from gta San Andrés. Like the lay out and the wild carpet/wallpaper just bring that back to mind. I don’t even think they like reskinned anything

[@Multifire]

That cop car shifting tones was the funniest thing I have seen all week.

[@deathsyth8888]

I don't know mate. This looks and feels exactly like south London.

[@nakazatotakeshi4286]

There is a 3D GTA set in London which is the The Getaway for the PS2 and for what it is, it's pretty revolutionary for it's time as it accurately replicate London map and all type of cars that's usually occupying the London road

[@halfbakedproductions7887]

It really wasn't bad. I'd quite like to see a modern build or maybe a proper London mod for GTA V.

[@GirlVersusGame]

By far one of my favorite gaming videos on youtube, I return to it every couple of months when I need some good humor in my day

[@craneshot]

This looks like the greatest game out at the moment

[@C0DERedEdits]

It's definitely one of the games of all times

[@Gabe413]

Stop lying to yourself

[@Yveldi]

I believe that character at the end is your single-player model, they forgot to stop it from spawning in multiplayer so it's just chilling there, lol.

[@tav0ntav0n86]

The multi-player side of the game is literally a horror game. If it was expanded, I swear it would be good as hell.

[@DarknoorX]

This was PAINFUL to watch. I did lose at when the car drove sideways though.

[@skyesfury8511]

Cor blimey! 'Ere we go again, guv!" -Discount British CJ

[@HexagonThatReallyLikesVinegar]

3/10 - Inaccurate London weather - Not enough tea - Lack of shankings

[@Endot_]

I've been to London, twice, and it feels exactly like that.

[@Officially_Luminary]

That car wasn't flying, he was just just hitting a sick trick

[@hansa5867]

I think there is probably more comedic value in bad games that are "completed". Because this game is not "done", even if the developer thinks so. You're doing a great job, but I noticed myself never really laughing because my thought is "ye, that's dumb but not really finished". Whereas if it's like one of the games that are supposed to be finished, and you find a graphical glitch or something, it's more like "how was this missed?!".

[@loopooillohg]

this is meant to be finished its just on a shit engine.

[@JackieLolzable]

@@loopooillohg yea this game seems completed just very broken and old

[@hansa5867]

@@loopooillohg I get that, why I did the "" around completed. But I think it's pretty apparent that it's not "done". It's not a product, it's a mish mash school project that got a barely passing grade because the teacher was nice and now the student posted it online.

[@-pressxtostart-]

​@@JackieLolzablebroken isnt completed then is it

[@TechCowboy]

Thank you for playing this. I thought I could not produce a game, but with this as a standard, I think I can reach this level of competence.

[@Adamniezgodzki]

I always wondered what London was like. Seems different than I expected.

[@icecold1805]

4:55 this. You not saying "what is going on" or "what's wrong with this driving". But saying "What is the driving". This perfectly encapsulates all that has to be said about this game.

[@c.Orange]

Matrix: wtf even is being loaded.

[@TheTendouSouji87]

Technically you already had GTA in London like 2.5 times, there was the GTA 1 expansion pack set in London and then on ps2 you had the 2 getaway games set in the UK

[@The13thGhostBunny]

The Getaway games, especially Black Monday, were quite fun.

[@Xegethra]

There were two GTA London expansion packs. 1969 and 1961. 61 was only on PC though and it needed 69 to play. I think it's official download is still available, for free as well.

[@layneheater2053]

"I know Americans don't have buses" wicked wiz 2023

[@Hapokas112]

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: Grand Theft Auto Mission Pack #1: London 1969 is an expansion pack for the 1997 action-adventure game Grand Theft Auto, developed by Rockstar Canada and published by Rockstar Games. It was released for personal computers (MS-DOS and Windows) and the PlayStation in April 1999. The expansion adheres to the same gameplay mechanics of the main game and takes place in a fictionalised version of London during the 1960s. Like in the main game, players assume the role of a criminal who works for several London-based criminal syndicates, and complete levels by achieving a set score, within an open-world environment that allows them to do whatever they wish alongside jobs to achieve their goal.

[@wicked_wizard]

Late

[@denis2381]

GayAnalDildo

[@Andyjoe522]

A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

[@ruptakruptak439]

I just want to say that I'm here very early but it doesn't, like, define me as a person or anything

[@itzlazzers]

23:27 This looks and sounds like a start to a horror game...

[@lieutenantwoomy3146]

As someone who is about to move to the UK from the US, I find this a very informative guide to survival

[@afonline2004]

uw0t m8? At this stage of the game you're meant to be ESCAPING FROM not MOVING TO the UK. Try reloading an old save and try again.

[@lieutenantwoomy3146]

@@afonline2004 damn ok

[@aidenshultzaberger278]

8:28 a new hand touches the beacon

[@shyvisart]

Im glad i lived one year in the UK before returning to my country, now I get to enjoy how crazy, wacky and familiar the visuals of this game are, it looks just like southwest London lmao

[@NormalPersonCommenting]

13:23 Oh, so you've evolved from the double-decker bus to the triple-decker car - touché, carbon emissions!

[@Pipkiablo]

My sister just looked over and said, "This really makes you appreciate the GTA remaster games."

[@ClearedDruid32]

What likely happened with the Mafia boss was the dev made the jet the Mafia boss so when you blew it up you killed him

[@ChristopherSummer89]

Oh my, 3D GameStudio was the first Game-Engine I ever used (that and UnrealEd). This brings back such nostalgic Memories! Obviously, it wasn't exactly the most powerful Engine even back when I was a Kid, but I honestly loved playing around with it. Thank you for giving me this Rush of Nostalgia today. :}

[@richarddoyle3420]

The levitating white ball is Rover. All but one 'Prisoner' fears it!!!

[@Diana-zp7kk]

I need more, I literally watched every video more than 10 times

[@jared6343]

deadass the tf2 bat and flamethrower icons in the inventory

[@MrJans3n]

Holy shit, it looks like the spiritual successor to SimCopter

[@sneakysnake7695]

Yeah this time you play as the average citizen in Sim City, you ever wonder why there's so many disasters in SimCopter? Well this explains in all

[@plushdragonteddy]

wow, a game so realistic that u can head ur neighbors discussing Love Island through the walls of ur apartment! 10/10, ideal

[@lovesauce3278]

There are a lot of copyright infringements are the dude who made it should Probably take the game down before anyone notices

[@lacorbeau]

i needed this video right now. wiz coming in clutch!

[@crystalb9764]

There was a GTA set in London! The OG games were my childhood.

[@vxpdx]

6:48 missed opportunity to say "you can't park there, sir"

[@algi1]

Fun fact: GTA London 1961 was released AFTER GTA London 1969.

[@halfbakedproductions7887]

I've never seen the 1961 version nor the Manchester version either. They were totally overshadowed by 1969.

[@IMarcaI]

At 3:52 when looking at the weapon wheel. Whoever made this just nicked the TF2 flamethrower.

[@requiemagent3014]

I mean Battlefield 2042 also doesn't get ladders right. So this game is kind of the same level in terms of polish when it comes to that

[@prelude2disaster]

This is actually a perfect representation of what it's like to visit Streatham, let alone live there.

[@DaenaMichelle]

This looks like a creepypasta game, specially the last part

[@arostwocents]

Very cool visual design. Fantastic groundwork for a game here.

[@arostwocents]

I thought this looked absolutely awesome. Incredible to see real Britain in a game.

[@arostwocents]

I've NEVER seen British council estates represented properly before

[@CainXVII]

Escape button lets you out of this nightmare. It works perfectly.

[@favoritemustard3542]

Escape, as in _Run Away_ ...very fitting lol

[@ToniaGlitched]

this is one of the weirdest experiences I had on KZbin this year... simply amazing

[@LexusLFA554]

I just noticed every vehicle drives on the left, but they are still left-hand-drive cars from countries where you drive on the right.

[@YourFavoriteGremlin]

my mans has all this money to spend on bad games. still rocks the 20$ RGB mouse. Based