Worst Text Ever - If I Were You - Bonus (2019)

In this episode we discuss Jake's sleep habits, and Amir's... other habits. Then a live reading on what we believe to be, the worst text ever.
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#Headgum #IfIWereYou #JakeandAmir

[@samheap3561]

The GOAT Text (speculative punctuation added): Hey I want you to know somethings and I want to try to make somethings clear. I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around someone who is moody. I don't think I am, and if I was, then I think you need to be more understanding and forgiving. I do get very excited and happy when I'm around you, or even just thinking about you. I do like you very, very much, and I never got over you from a million years ago. I think you're the best and I have never and will never meet or be able to be with someone of you incredibleness. I think that you're too insecure for your own good and that needs to stop completely. I know you've probably had a million guys say this kind of stuff, and have probably said it and been a million times better, but I need to. So please try to empathise, it makes me immeasurably sad that you won't talk to me. In an ideal world. You and me would be together forever and I've never not thought about that. Don't think I'll find someone else because I haven't in a million years. I don't believe in love, but I know I've never felt that same way about anyone else?

[@samheap3561]

I'd like y'all to know that this was grating to write

[@jonoaks9834]

@@samheap3561it was grating to read

[@Mommy_Moss]

@@samheap3561I appreciate your sacrifice

[@davidschwimmer439]

@@samheap3561 Thank you my Brohemian. My only note is an added elipsis. I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around someone who is moody... I don't think I am - and if I was, then I think you need to be more understanding and forgiving.

[@chegg7660]

Taupe

[@crain2796]

Oh god Amir’s vision is deteriorating so fast he needs lasik again

[@ryanhealy9026]

0:50 Doesn’t matter if he sleeps 2 hours, 10 hours, or 5 minutes, he’s getting a full 9.

[@ryanhealy9026]

Jake is fainting more than DJ Shmumu

[@Decenium]

fuck me the sugar cup bit has me in stitches

[@captainbooney]

Jake was off the chains on this one lol

[@captainbooney]

This might have a top 5 moment in the history of the pod. Amir reading the text message is hilarious

[@josephhaynes2123]

That vision into Amir’s future during the ad read

[@StationOutlook]

Omg the sleep bit . Just wow.

[@carlosr6462]

such a bad writer 🤣🤣

[@slowestjabroni]

a BUCKET of hummus

[@jayknight1099]

Get liquid! Get liquid!

[@michaeldeibert9379]

Amir seemed hungover during the ad reads

[@-ian_shitpost._.]

mi parte favorita de la musica es el minuto 34

[@ChEiPs]

snatch

[@JoshMarshain]

FINALLY

[@susanissajoke]

Whats up with the weird dude putting his fingers in his mouth?

[@JohnWilliams-zv7eb]

So should I just unsubscribe from the patreon?

[@minartson]

Their patreon has literally been 99% reactions to old J&A episodes for years, idk why people are even subbed.

[@retsuza]

Bet they put another fucking betterhelp ad in this one as well

[@nomancanbeatpanda]

So…? Who cares?

[@theflamingmushullama]

God forbid they monetize their content like every other person on this platform

[@JamesInAWeek]

Second

[@Brian-nw3ey]

Can us patrons technically sue for this bs? Like I literally paid to watch this & support and now it’s all released for a quick buck…

[@realemaskye286]

not at all. as a patron, you have 0 ownership over any of the content they post and neither does patreon. theyre allowed to do whatever they want with it. putting early release content on patreon and then posting it later for free is a really common practice.

[@itcouldbelupus2842]

You paid to get it early bro and support the show. I'm 90% sure this is a goof and you're just saying what Amir would say in a video but still...