Would You Date a Bus Driver?

Join Iyanla Vanzant and special guest Dr. Steve Perry for a LIVE BROADCAST of #theRspot #podcast to discuss Love Without Limits: Join The Conversation on Dating and Social Status - Would You Date A Bus Driver?
Get your phone ready to call-in after the broadcast for a chance to be a part of the podcast and answer the question, “Would you date a bus driver?” Call in to give your feedback and experiences at 775-307-7768 starting at 12pm ET on Friday, May 5th. #IyanlaVanzant #DrStevePerry #theRSpot #Rspot #EboniKWilliams #theGrio #thebreakfastclub

[@marye8762]

I married a bus driver and that wasn't the issue. The issue came with him not being the protector and provider I needed. He wasn't a good manager of his time and money. Money is never about how much you have, it's how you manage it.

[@l.yannickd.1035]

@Mary E Where you flawless in the relationship?

[@HH-gv8mx]

I made the mistake, too many times, of dating”the bus driver” instead of successful, smart man, who I thought were superior to me. I was always afraid that the successful guy who had everything might replace me for something better, so I settled for the bus driver. And after four years, the bus driver suddenly left me. I was beautiful when he met me, and now I am busted. We just signed a lease in this apartment, which my rent has doubled, and I cannot afford this place on my own. All of my front teeth are chipped from him punching me in the face. I had to have pins put in my finger and have surgery because of all of the abuse he put me through physically and mentally. At the end of day, it doesn’t really matter if it’s a bus, driver, or an educated successful man. They have to be emotionally intelligent and be willing to communicate your feelings without using physical violence, or just vanishing when things get tough .

[@Davo32310]

​@@l.yannickd.1035of course she was. Sugar spice and everything nice

[@Davo32310]

​@@HH-gv8mxDid you settle for him or did he settle for you?

[@HH-gv8mx]

@@Davo32310 I can’t speak for him, but I definitely settled and it’s most likely gonna happen again if I ever jump into another relationship. I will settle for whoever excepts me. I used to be beautiful until this last relationship. He beat me up so bad. He chipped all of my front teeth and knocked one of them out.

[@mbrattoo1]

No one would dare tell men to use their hearts instead of assigning value to a woman according to her attractiveness and qnd weight though. They want what they want and women want what they want. The vast majority of women are, in fact, simply going by their hearts which is exactly why they are so unsatisfied and unhappy. A healthy relationship requires more than just good vibes and kindness. It necessitates agreement in goals, values, finances, family dynamics, and the like. Completely disparate backgrounds, education levels, and salaries can create an extremely tumultuous situation.

[@ashleyw9852]

Bingo!

[@prhphone3259]

Exactly, money issues are one of the primary reasons for divorce. This conversation has gotten crazy in that a black woman who in all likelihood has a million dollar net worth is being told she should be ok married to a “bus driver “. WTH

[@5StarNiecy]

You better go girl!!!!! Yassss🎉

[@francinejackson8942]

Again, the heart of the conversation is would you? Would you get to know the bus driver as a person? You may decide not to marry because of his income but would you be open to date and know the person

[@ashleyw9852]

@@francinejackson8942 she is the top percentage so she can ask for the best..same thing vice versa…no one would ever tell a top percent man to get to know just any woman-as a person..it is going to be a top percent woman or a woman that is beautiful he worked that hard and is going to get the best and so should she

[@pearl1050]

I'm loving these comments. women are really waking up

[@uniquelyme3581]

If they don't wake up now they never will!

[@derrickmason7457]

You do realize black women are the lowest statistically married the most of single mother households .. black men aren’t far in front but what waking up ?

[@whome7119]

Or they drunk the capitalism Kool-aid 🙄

[@fiestyblktina1237]

The Awakening has begun

[@jt4953]

The ride or die generation is fading and I’m 👏🏽here👏🏽 for 👏🏽 it!

[@tammymorgan5348]

I just want Ms. Iyanla to answer why her "if" for the man is acceptable but Eboni's is not. You set your standard and so did she. Why is one right over the other?

[@pavlab3353]

I see it this way, Eboni’s no was purely based on income and status while Iyanla’s was based on the character and integrity of the man.

[@tammymorgan5348]

@@pavlab3353 that doesn't give Iyanla the right to have a preference and Eboni not to. Whatever the preference is, we can all determine it for ourselves.

[@Lodeenie]

​@Tammy Morgan I believe Iyanla has said several times that there's nothing wrong with having a preference. The point is, are your preferences based on morals and values that make for a healthy, lifelong marriage and income is not enough.

[@pat7895]

But Eboni is not a virgin, wears weave, is old. Soon arthritis will settle in her and her teeth will begin to fall out due to age. She should take whatever man she can get because her market value has declined. She can't have a preference with a dry vagina you know...menopause!

[@fiestyblktina1237]

And why is one being shamed over this other because she wouldn't and Iyanya would and now bring Steve Perry on for a cosigned. Where was he at when Kevin Samuels was going in on professional blk women telling them because of there afrocentic features they're not worthy of a man who can match them this is double standard hypocrisy

[@tammymorgan5348]

This is not cool! She did not tear any person down. She said multiple times that she's talking about the job being average (which it is in the grand scheme of careers in America), not the people. Y'all are wrong for taking her words out of context and assigning your own interpretation. You ask why are we having the conversation? It's because IYANLA ASKED HER! Y'all are turning her preference in who she wants to date into her saying people are less than. SHE NEVER SAID THAT. Iyanla, who you choose to date is your preference as is hers.

[@tammymorgan5348]

@Bill Clinton no I got the point. If this had been a general conversation, I would be all for it but they are putting words in her mouth, projecting and misinterpreting what she said and that's not cool.

[@linger4605]

"Does he own the bus?!" It's not people "interpreting" anything. It's you and your selective hearing.

[@mattmatthews3689]

Eboni is a modern out of order woman, who most black women will follow and listen to because they are after power and control in the relationship with no maternal or wifely instinct. These woman will argue and contend with a stop sign. The purpose of a woman is what God said is to be a help meet to her head which is the man anything else is out of order and when not end well for her or society, ok. The word of God will outlast a modern woman who has lost her way.

[@mattmatthews3689]

@Bill Clinton Woman like Eboni are not relationship or marriage material, men should run literally

[@tammymorgan5348]

@Bill Clinton but I'm not

[@giggymark]

Met my wife 10 years ago making 34,000 she was making 105,000 as a nurse I now own my own business making over 200k 3 years in a row and she works when she feels like or work part-time. I pay all the bills. she was my inspiration

[@tammymorgan5348]

What are yall talking about?! So if my daddy didn't reach a certain way of life, I'm not able to require my man to?! A lot of our parents in the lower economic black community did not reach the level that we did and do not have the lifestyle we have. So I'm supposed to be ok a man not bringing to the table what I bring because my daddy didn't have it?! This is not how any of this works.

[@melechdomeyhwh]

😂bus driving is a job .I'm sure he is ok .He can afford a table 😂

[@whome7119]

Do you sis! Im sure he wouldn't touch you with a 10ft pole.

[@C_CZ2]

And then BM love to insult and disrespect BW its the only thing they can do and also drive buses we must not forget that great achievement.

[@melechdomeyhwh]

@@C_CZ2 But first we don't work now we bus drivers . Progress lol ahahaha .What's wrong with driving a bus mam ?

[@C_CZ2]

@@melechdomeyhwh I would never date a bus driver. There are no bus drivers in my family, business owners(manufacturing) no bus drivers....

[@amieklein6043]

Love to see the comments with everyone disagreeing, no more sisters, I’m so proud of y’all❤️ , no more struggle love!🙅🏾‍♀️

[@jt4953]

Exactlyyyyyy…no longer going through hell to get a little piece of heaven. Offer someone else up as tribute to massage these egos…black women are done done.

[@1974tical]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@1974tical]

​@@jt4953 yeah you're exactly right, Black women are done!!

[@bloominglotus9401]

Missed the gift in the message it seems. Energy

[@TresJolie7]

Black women are waking up.

[@lumedeon8471]

Iyanlaaaaaa what are we telling our sons? To have drive as well. What if his soul and heart is to be an artisan or drummer? Fine! Then marry a nice artisan or drummer. Don’t browbeat career driven people because your son is not one.

[@alluress2020]

This, this, this!!! It's Ok to have a preference for someone at your level. They are plenty of women who want a bus driver, bus drivers are not hurting for dates so why force Eboni to date below her status. Bus drivers are out there minding their business, building with women at their level, buying homes, raising families & they probably don't want someone at Eboni's level too. It's Iyanla who is being condescending to bus drivers. Leave Eboni alone, she is entitled to her preference same thing to bus drivers, they are happy with the women they are able to get.

[@rstdot]

having a normal job soes not mean someone doesn't have drive

[@ChakaKhanian]

This it, right 'hurrr.' RIGHT HURRR!

[@LorenCognita]

I knew she had to be defending a thun😂😂😂😂 #ParisMilan has entered the chat

[@Birdielovesdonuts]

People complaining about women's standards being unrealistic only say that because it puts them out of the "running" for her. Black Women absolutely need to use their brains when dating so they won't settle for a man with a plethora of red flags. Black women: Please don't falter from the standards you have for YOUR relationship, start moving in silence, and tell the detractors and criticizers to mind their business.

[@Birdielovesdonuts]

​@Bill Clinton You've hit all of the incel talking points and red flags (passport, calling her masculine and bitter, mentioning ratings, comparing her to foreign women, etc). A woman wanting a healthy relationship is not choosing a man like that. Have a better day sir!

[@Birdielovesdonuts]

@Bill Clinton Again, you are repeating incel talking points that can be found right here on KZbin and across many social media platforms. The more you write, the more women are able to pinpoint your red flags and come to the realization that you are not what they want in a relationship. Why would they worry about "qualifying" for you? Have a better day and please seek therapy!

[@lt3074]

That goes both ways.

[@Birdielovesdonuts]

More Incel talking points. Have a better day sir and seek therapy.

[@Birdielovesdonuts]

​@Bill Clinton Have a better day sir and seek therapy. 🤣😅

[@yeverett4533]

If she wasn't talking about dating, why did she ask Eboni K. Williams "if she would date a bus driver?" Just because one woman is okay with dating or marrying a man who earns less or is less educated than she does not mean the next woman should. It's a matter of choice. We all get to choose, and it's okay. There is a woman for every man and a man for every woman. It's also not masculine for a woman to provide for and protect herself when she has not met a suitable mate to do it. I'm so glad Becky called in. She is a prime example of why women shouldn't date down, especially when down takes you to the ground.

[@ntitus3025]

EXACTLY, I'm glad you caught that. Iyanla out here lying and being disingenuous and officially our enemy. Eboni asked Iyanla a specific question, even someone who called in asked and Iyanla was honest enough to say she didn't have the answer. With Eboni, she asked a question and Iyanla responded with an inappropriate *bus driver* question. She's wrong on so many levels and refuses to see it!

[@yeverett4533]

@@ntitus3025 She is a hypocrite because in the video, she said if she meets someone, he will have to sign a prenup because all of her stuff and money is for her children and grandchildren. She later talked about a man she dated who would buy an $80 C'mas tree and got upset when she bought it for herself. So she was supposed to shrink to be with him like Becky the caller, said she would do in her relationship with a man who earned less than her. BW are done shrinking to meet or match BM. They need to expand.

[@mekichey129]

@@yeverett4533 Iyanla is seeking the Shahrazad Ali, Kevin Samuels failure of men crowd.

[@thePhoenixQueen]

​@@yeverett4533 I don't think she's being hypocritical because she was talking about two different parts of her life. That being said, I'm still with you about the Christmas tree. Dude bought a bush when she asked for a specific tree and expected her to be happy with that. Dude deserved to feel crushed when she bought the tree herself because it's his fault for putting his ego before her.

[@chrissyn]

There’s nothing wrong with men or women having a preference in who they choose to date. Men ideally want a relationship that affirms their manhood. A 7 figure lawyer in entertainment won’t affirm a bus driver’s manhood. She would have to become an entirely different person to make him comfortable. It’s simply not a match. Why does that have to be an assault on the worth of bus drivers? Nobody expects Larsa Pippin or Kim K to date a bus driver. What would they have in common? How would they be compatible? Why are just black successful women being shamed for wanting a person that matches their desires and lifestyle? This is really strange and sad.

[@misstiff29]

WHAT she's NOT addressing is, why we are masculine. Dating or marrying down at any salary puts us in masculine energy. Divorce rates SHOW THAT. It's tiring and harms our health.

[@barbarap.2527]

Because SOME women chose to be masculine. If a woman has experience a bad relationship, that woman chose the wrong man. It's not just a man's salary...makes his character?There probably been red flags some chose to ignore. Don't let a man get you to be masculine all together.

[@misstiff29]

@Barbara P. salary and how feminized he feels correlates periodt. A man happy in his life. Usually is a provider.

[@barbarap.2527]

@@misstiff29 correct. A man who leads get a woman who submits. But that should still not having women acting out of there lane either. Being feminine isn't being Danity only. It's like we categorize feminine as weak? Why? That's our superpower as women. Use it is all I'm saying. Some women comes off too masculinant then wonder why they got men who run off.

[@meloshotz]

She talked about that a bit on The Breakfast Club. It was interesting.

[@prhphone3259]

Exactly right. I was married for over 20 years, financially carrying the household for the majority of those years, fully in my masculine. I was also expected to raise the children, cook, and clean. Suffice it to say, I was stressed and miserable most of the marriage because he was ok letting me carry the load. Now that I’m divorced, every aspect of my life has improved and I am at peace. I’m so glad the younger women are not buying into this crap Iyanla is peddling. I certainly have advised my daughter not to marry down financially. If that means she doesn’t marry an African American man, but marries a man in the diaspora, so be it.

[@digimonsterz]

I notice that this video has very intentionally and purposefully kept this conversation in the realm of economics and class. I also noticed that Dr. Perry is not a licensed therapist or couples expert of any kind with no communicated or demonstrated training in this. I am a licensed therapist who works with mostly women and couples of all races. I have looked up to Iyanla since my teens and she inspired me to go to college and study to become a therapist because of her work in Starting Over. I have followed her through the years and I am deeply disappointed in her takes on this and I have to remember that Iyanla has not had a successful marriage and respectfully we have finally exited the area of her expertise here. I am a black man with a black wife and two daughters. I am a licensed therapist who works with a number of women of all races. I regularly get black women in my office who struggle in their relationships, and it has never been because they ask too much, it’s because they accept too little - ex cons, drug addicts, abusers, etc. This is what their inadequate or absent fathers have modeled for them. When our parents traumatize us, we have a bias towards similar situations because we want to find the answers and figure things out. Why didn’t my dad love me? Why did he leave? If he hated my mom, does that mean he hated me? What did it mean about me that he did those things to me? I say this often to my clients: people will either rise or fall to the standard you set for them. That has nothing to do with race. This isn’t even about romantic relationships only. Previous generations of women across the board have stayed in miserable marriages “for the children”, and have traumatized us as children in the process. We have witnessed so much dysfunction and dishonesty we have a hard time knowing what a healthy relationship even looks or feels like! Furthermore, let’s keep context in mind. Black women have been generationally put down, asked to ask for less, asked to take less, and are asked to settle, and when they don’t, we insult them, laugh at them, call them bitter or highlight their singleness. The debate brewing here is, “is it better to be in a struggle relationship but have someone or be in no relationship?” Having worked with thousands of clients, I see that people are significantly more traumatized by bad relationships than by single hood. For a lot of us singleness would be an upgrade over our situation. Many commenters here are assuming that the value of a woman lies in her proximity to a man. Maybe it used to but that was always sexist. What good is proximity to a man who beats you, or leaves you to pay most of the bills? Stop blaming black women. Protect black women. Stop blaming them for our insufficiencies as men. If you heard the way some women of other races emasculate men to their face based on their earning abilities, you would stop idealizing them as somehow better. If you listened to Ali Wong do stand up and understand that all jokes have some truth to them you would realize that safety and protection partially comes through wealth and that will always be the case as long as we’re in a capitalist society. High value black men tell his story all the time: I met a woman, and she didn’t accept just any old thing. But, she was so special to me that I worked to be my best self in my character, which also happened to benefit my career. I grew better at my job and was more creative. Barack Obama has told this story. Jay-Z has told this story. Steve Harvey has told this story. If you are not willing to grow to be your best for your woman, I’m sorry you are not a high value man, at least not yet, which means you are not ready for a relationship!That’s the real argument here. Eboni was never talking about money. She was talking about accomplishment and character. A bus driver is fine but if he’s in his 30s and that’s all he’s gonna do forever, in some way he is refusing to grow. We act like money and character are mutually opposed but they often go together as long as the occupation or business is honest. Yes there are classist black women but there are classist women of all races, and we don’t tear them down. Stop discriminating against black women! I promise you men, when you commit to being your BEST self and live a life of integrity and honesty, you will eventually get the woman and the bag. I am living proof. When I met my wife in my 20s, I settled down, stopped playing around and she has multipled my income 5x! But we got there because I was ambitious. I was broke when we met but I had a plan. I was in my 20s. Eboni is not. A man should not be broke in his 30s when he’s single. Did he go to jail? Why was he in jail? Did he have a drug charge? Why did he have a drug charge? Be a top tier man and I promise she will affirm you, honor you and treat you like a king. But if you are not, no judging, criticizing or humiliating will make it happen. Triangulating different races of women won’t fix it and that’s narcissistic abuse. Bottom line, this is abusive. Iyanla accepted abuse and is blaming herself for abuse. Iyanla, your abuse was NOT your fault. Free yourself from unnecessary self blame and please stop asking your sisters to do the same. This is hurtful. When we say protect black women it starts here. Protect them in the small things and it will trickle up to stopping police brutality, abuse and other injustices. Stop abusing black women.

[@kaym1196]

This!👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[@annabanna1873]

I didn’t read it all, but, yep! 👏🏽

[@mekichey129]

Beautifully stated. Iyanla purposely threw that hail maker to bring this firestorm because Eboni would be honest. Iyanla is willing to cut the legs off of younger BW to build a pedestal for her sons and the like. The coddling that the Boomer Mothers did is why BM are ill-performing, abusive online unsolicited and commiting Black Femicide at every 5 hours.

[@mahoganymuffin2628]

Preach sir!

[@TaureanDreams]

This! This is exactly it brother❤

[@jt4953]

You know we’re in an interesting place when in 2023 someone tells a woman to “slow down.” You are your own prize ladies…keep on moving, living and taking care of yourselves until you find the partner that you desire 💕💕💕

[@KayDejaVu]

Yes and context is everything. Let us not ask a millionaire to date down then tell her she will be the provider. This was so dishonest. I wish iyanla explained more about operating in your masculine. ASking a woman to provide for a man is operating in your masculine.

[@jt4953]

@@KayDejaVu Exactly…Someone made an excellent point and said would she ask Oprah the same question…

[@zsazsasays1573]

She wouldn't even date a bus driver if he was disrespectful to his mother and not kind, so she preferences on a man respecting their elder and having kindness as a trait. So why Eboni have preferences? This is such a stupid argument when some black men have made money stating why they wouldn't date black women on their podcast. Why didn't she say anything about Kevin Samuel?

[@jt4953]

@@zsazsasays1573 You took the words out of my mouth. I’m exhausted with the idea that black women have to adjust like a Rubik’s cube and accommodate everyone and everything but we get nothing in return. It’s the mammy effect. We are done. And exactly…where was she when Kevin was dragging black women across KZbin. The older I get the more I understand that our own people are threatened by a black woman’s growth and independence.

[@zsazsasays1573]

@@jt4953 You said it so elegantly about a black woman's growth and independence, thank you. I'm so grateful to find so many women like yourself choosing what is best for their highest good. I'm so glad black women are putting themselves first, my mother and grandmother did not

[@Arvndenise]

Dr Perry if you’re reading this. Did you hear how Kevin Samuels and his followers talked and still talking about women? Are you as disgusted with that as you have been with the conversations in the last week about men? Serious question

[@djTorchLive]

💯💯💯 Those same "bus drivers" are the same dudes who were on Kevin's channel watching him disrespect Black Women daily and I did not see Vanzant say anything about him or even check him.

[@uniquelyme3581]

​@@djTorchLive And they never will because it's always about protecting the fragile bm ego while verbally lashing out at bw!

[@thegift369]

Kevin Samuels said the same thing to women as Iyanla has said, which was the dating standards of a lot of women today are unrealistic. And now you all are mad at her the same way you were mad at him when he did it. Except it stung worst because it was coming from a Blk Man.

[@Arvndenise]

@@thegift369you’re all off topic so let me help you out. Dr Perry specifically stated he was disgusted so see the way he saw men being talked about in the last couple of weeks since Iyanla and Ebonis convo. Now go back a re-read my question. Stay on topic👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@helenl7516]

Many of these BM are literally calling for the death and destruction of bw, yet she's talking about healing with our potential murkers. This is the delusion that has kept us stagnate for generations and calling evil, good. Glad to see women waking up and realizing the truth.

[@Sheisanangel0]

Maaam. Please stop this. Would you ask that of a white woman? How about asking black men to step up their game? Why can't they elevate in the same way bw have?

[@catmouse2882]

Iyanla is on a campaign of keeping Blk women stuck at the bottom with her raggedy, dusty sons. And I love how Blk women are pushing back against her and saying no to struggle love. Blk women deserve a life of rest and comfort...and if we ain't getting with Tyrone then we are taking our things elsewhere.🖤

[@ntitus3025]

Even Oprah says she's tired of males not rising to meet our standards.

[@marielondon8269]

She needs to have a show where she asks wealthy blk men if they would date a woman that was a cashier Mcdonald's as long as she had integrity.

[@marielondon8269]

@@ntitus3025 Right! Some people have the nerve to say Oprah dated down, BUT, when Oprah and Stedman got together she was an anchor woman and he was the one with the money.

[@jgg59]

@@catmouse2882 how on earth did you get that out of this conversation?

[@tammymorgan5348]

@Nzinger75 💯 so much compassion for the white lady but that's we've been saying all along and we're wrong. The lady who said why do black women have to lower their standards was rushed off the phone. Dr. Perry got triggered and projected all of his ish onto Eboni. I lost respect for them both today for this interview.

[@eyesthatsee4996]

The quote "I can do bad by myself" became popular for a reason. As so-called Black women, many of us married men that earned much less than us. We tried to accommodate their insecurities. This was an often a thankless and frustrating task. For some of us, single life is much more satisfying.

[@jt4953]

Exactly…Eboni would have to put on training wheels to accommodate anyone who does not meet her economically. And the male ego wouldn’t be able to handle that positioning. Most of us have tried, failed and suffered mental abuse attempting to “build” with someone who we shouldn’t have entertained in the first place. It’s unbalanced and we’re done with the second-class narratives and double standards. The single, peaceful and soft life is where it’s at…black women are not waiting for a man to enjoy their lives. I think Iyanla is out of school with this generation of black women. The comments are refreshing because I thought that only my little group was moving like this 💕

[@LorenCognita]

Exactly. No amount of brow beating and shaming can combat someone’s lived experience. Dating down did not work for my mother and grandmothers. Dozens of women in the generations before me were left baby mamas, lost income, stressed, abused, and worse. This is why my generation isn’t going for this shxt because we saw the outcome first hand. If you marry up and the men are “just as bad” at least you can leave and get alimony and child support instead of being left to struggle in the hood.

[@quickpstuts412]

You are speaking facts. I am single and prefer it. I have too many successful friends who married much farther down and watch them break their back trying to overcompensate and accommodate their man's insecurities. Nope!

[@laverne604]

@@quickpstuts412 They failed to address the issues regarding men feeling less than because the woman makes more. She even admitted that is what happened to her ex-husband.

[@quickpstuts412]

@@laverne604 Exactly. It's not even just about the woman making more, it's how the man feels because of this. And it's not because all women throw their money up in the man's face. Men need to feel they are bringing something to the table, usually that's financial. It's just the way society is setup. When those roles are reversed, it often creates chaos emotionally. Kudos to those who work it out, but many don't.

[@serious7179]

Dating someone and marriage shouldn't be based on charity. While respect hard-working bus drivers, Uber drivers, delivery drivers, whatever, that doesn't have to be who I desire to be with. While I really do enjoy Iyanla, it seems like she's missing the whole point. A person can choose to date and connect themselves financially, emotionally, and spiritually to whomever they prefer, and there is nothing wrong with Ebony's preference to not have someone who is not as financially stable and secure as she is. Of course you want to look at the inside of a person, but why do you have to sign up for struggle love?

[@whome7119]

I seen a video where the police pulled over an Uber driver and could not believe the guy was actually a lawyer.

[@pat7895]

The real charity is how black men still love and approach black women with weaves, lashes, excess makeup, overweight, big-bellied, bbl, different baby daddies, and long nails that prevent them from cleaning their privates!!! Men have really sacrificed to be with us. That is pure love.

[@serious7179]

@@pat7895 that's the dumbest thing I've read. No matter what you say, it's not black women's responsibility to carry a man. You can do that if you want with your weave and obesity; that sounds like a YOU problem.

[@memebzk5001]

There is no way that if Iyanla care about BLK woman that she would ever suggest a woman as accomplished as Eboni, even consider that option.. It’s not an option…

[@deesdees324]

@@pat7895 No they don’t, stop lying. The more money a black man makes, the less likely he will pick a darker skin black woman. They rather go for Becky with no education than a well educated black woman. We don’t fall for these lies anymore

[@chipogunda9658]

Just a year ago, men were saying they are high value and now they’re complaining a woman doesn’t want to date a bus driver!? People should be allowed to have preferences!

[@singlemamanodrama4546]

Yeah, and also that they want traditional wives. Maybe Eboni wants to be a traditional wife and have her husband be the provider.

[@ShandraGraham]

Oh they were all over the internet with the kitten in heels calling women average at best, linebackers, Single mothers, leftover women… now all of a sudden our hair is on fire cus she said she wouldn’t date a BUS DRIVER. This is how I know folk think that BW should be treated and talked to any kind of way. Cus why are they crying over being called a BUS DRIVER?

[@fiestyblktina1237]

It's double standard hypocrisy they can have a preference but blk women can't

[@ChakaKhanian]

Good point.

[@lmiller6675]

High value and high earning are two different things.

[@funkydineva]

Oh wow!!! I’m so honored that you watched my video and referenced me Ms. Vanzant!!! 🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿

[@Hestia134]

I’m glad you caught this, we love you as well funky ❤❤

[@thebeardednewyorker521]

Why? You were wrong, ashy, & black women hating as you always are. Just keeping it real..

[@jenniferjones852]

She mentioned you too! We all love you!

[@87Lohan]

Funky please do not ever stop making your videos you are a rare intellectual on these You Tube streets. I’m not American and I find your perspective on things is always very global, open and relatable to people outside the demographic of black America.

[@gracecarrington5229]

I knew you would be honored by the shout out 😉

[@SuperTruthful]

Eboni, is a millionaire and more than likely would like to date someone in her socio economic status and nothing is wrong with that.

[@keys.6052]

Exactly

[@firefly_333]

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm sure there's a line of similarly situated men (millionaires, well-educated, etc.) waiting to meet/date her, maybe even marry.

[@silkrock7295]

That's Williams personal requirement especially if she is competing with those yt women on HWONY.

[@SuperTruthful]

@@silkrock7295 why does she have to compete with anyone???

[@summer_goddess1400]

@@silkrock7295everyone is competing in the dating market. Eboni was just engaged to a multimillionaire hedge fund guy. She is a beautiful, accomplished woman that can date any race or ethnic group. I don’t think that Eboni is short of men wanting her. Nice try though. Y’all can stop the fear tactics

[@consciousluv]

Iyanla no we are done coddling men and mammies!!

[@rstdot]

How is it coddling to advise us to choose partners based on good personality vs salary? I'm really asking

[@consciousluv]

@rstdot The trigger word the dusties BM is building and working...ya'll dont like to compete, ya'll scared, you're conquered and very comfortable in your nothing assness...WTF is your nice personality gonna do for any woman and you could barely pay bills or keep a job or do better, I cant take your nice personality to WellsFargo for the mortgage payments. Somebody telling you do better and ya'll crying like the underclass b**** yall are collectively....you Got it now?

[@goodevening7870]

This sounds Ned VANZANT is heading a witch hunt.. But she must remember GOD don’t like ugly and these things CAN and DO often turn on you . Keep digging.. but dig 2 holes …..

[@lphillips3584]

Black women should not date potential just like black men don’t date women who might be potentially beautiful or thin. Have yall noticed that the usual insults from the manosphere (ex. broke, short hair, fat, kids, etc) don’t work on Eboni? She is attractive and looks like someone they would date. They perceive her comment as SHE is rejecting THEM from the gate and they are mad. The hit dogs are hollering! lol

[@mahoganymuffin2628]

That's definitely why they're mad lol

[@sheh.9163]

Now Iyanla, when you settled/dated down in your past relationships, how did that work out for you?

[@lumedeon8471]

It didn’t.

[@mekichey129]

Taken to the cleaners

[@c.marienelson8729]

She spoke on what she learned from those experiences and recognized her patterns and is speaking from that point today

[@sheh.9163]

@@c.marienelson8729 Ok, but she still ended up with three failed marriages and is single to this day. All that pick me energy then and now, and she still hasn’t been “chosen”.

[@summer_goddess1400]

@@c.marienelson8729obviously she didn’t recognize the pattern. It sounds like she will continue to make bad decisions in men

[@AngelicaDiallo]

All this coming from the woman who back over a decade ago said, “ My man AINT got no money,I love my man but he aint got no money…. “ ma’am please stop projecting your own experience onto everyone else. You come from a time when women settled for mediocrity in men women today don’t have to nor want to.

[@BackToSelf3]

👏🏾👏🏾 exactly 💯

[@gracebayclt5511]

I remember that on an Oprah show. It was a mess. Iyanla humiliated her husband. I believe he later cheated and they divorced. Eboni K better not take any advice from her.

[@lumedeon8471]

This woman ain’t had not ONE successful relationship or marriage to speak of. Talking about being beat while 6 months pregnant, in relationships with dusties who cheated, wouldn’t buy her the Christmas tree of her dreams, left her broke and homeless…yet she’s out here giving relationship advice??? Would you take financial advice from a broke homeless dude on the street? Or parenting advice from a childless person? Why should anyone listen to her as she sits up in her house single in her 60’s?

[@keepitsimpleplease9039]

Eboni is an ambitious rich, successful attorney. She has her preferences. Water seeks its own level.

[@orlandojouavel1846]

I guess that's why she dated a low level Brad with 3 children for 4 years. I suppose your comment only applies to black men.

[@Gigi-zd8vi]

@@orlandojouavel1846 what exactly about him was low level? The fact that he had children? I’m genuinely curious.

[@spiritledpoetess394]

Agreed, why is “everyone “ so moved by Eboni’s preference? She is an adult woman with her own agency. 💁🏾‍♀️. In grace; Authorsandranorthard

[@keepitsimpleplease9039]

@@orlandojouavel1846 If blk men can have "preferences" so can blk women.

[@bloominglotus9401]

Eboni’s Attitude in how she even answered the question was funky. Iyanla read the beads of our sister who asked for her insight. Law of attraction has left her with unsatisfactory relationships, maybe the spiritual aspects were not present in her search. I applaud Eboni’s accomplishments but she inadvertently displayed an attitude that as my grandma would say was “ugly” . But it is her truth. Shadow work might bring clarity.

[@pinewaves72]

We need a new weekly series where Iyanla invites on all your single "favs" (wealthy celebrities) and sets them up with loving, caring, emotionally available bus drivers who treat their moms well.

[@SuperTruthful]

yep

[@singlemamanodrama4546]

She should get the Kardashians to date bus drivers. Maybe their standards are too high when it comes to black men. Get bus drivers for Kris Jenner, Khloe Kardashian, Kyle, Kendal and Khloe. Not Kourtney though. She doesn't dabble in mediocrity.

[@singlemamanodrama4546]

@@thebeardednewyorker521 Ok, we can skip them moms. Just pair them up with bus drivers.

[@M.odernO]

@@singlemamanodrama4546 Kris is a sugar mama to her black man, Kim married a rich bipolar black man who embarrassed her publicly and made her miserable, Khloe married a rich black crackhead, then got pregnant by a black, rich serial cheater who publicly embarrasses her constantly, Kylie is a 2x baby mama to a rich black man. Kourtney is a baby mama abt 4 times to a drunk, trust fund baby white man. I think these women all are examples of Iyanlas point.

[@ryanyoung9202]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Saggie1111]

This is a gaslighting, double talking mess. They ARE talking to BW! What I want to say is this, I am an older BW and to all the younger beautiful BW out here. I am so proud of all of you!!! Keep getting educated, keep opening your businesses, keep growing and rising! Keep your standards, expectations and boundaries when it comes to relationships. Open your options. I wouldn't date down but some may. But we do not need to do that. Just like BM have a preference for that non BW, you have your own standards. If BM cannot meet those, open up your options! This is a calculated mess to get BW to accept nothing or next to nothing. BW have been told and brainwashed to accept nothing for decades and decades, we need to change this. I only want good for BW and this conversation is not good for us!

[@iamDavidaRose]

🌹🌹🌹🌹

[@dccarsonmusic]

I agree with 99% of what you said. But you still have to respect what your preferences prefer and if you’re not it, you gotta accept that. And dating down….I think far too often the focus is on our strengths, but ignore our weakness. You can be a great woman, but a bad partner. I also think we see life through the now and best case scenarios vs worst case. Cause you can be baking one minute and broke the next. Again, totally get your point! Just saying there’s another side to this.

[@deesdees324]

@@dccarsonmusic the bus driver should accept a more wealthier news reporter is out of his league. Why can’t they accept this?

[@Saggie1111]

@@dccarsonmusic I don't know what you mean by if your not what the preferences prefer? I have seen BW with all different races of men. Maybe because BM think that non BM do not want BW, your wrong sir! Funny how BM feel like they can talk for another male group. BM are wanting BW to not be it. BW can open their options with no problems. I believe that BM are the bottom when it comes to partnership, so I would never date one. That is the other side for me. And I see more and more BW thinking the same.I also am not dating with the mindset that 10 years from now I "may" be broke. You date in your present situation.

[@dccarsonmusic]

@@Saggie1111 I come from a safe place, not a hate space. I love my sisters. Enough so with love and kindness to kill the comfortable lies and speak the sometimes uncomfortable truth. I am a retired military officer and aviator. Degreed on the masters level. I’m ambitious and energetic. I’ve done my work in therapy and self reflection. All the things a lot of us brothers need to do. Absolutely believe we black men have work to do. What I am saying as kindly as I can is that you can prefer a particular type of man, but does that man prefer you? As you’ve considered your strengths, have you also considered your weakness and flaws? Eboni is beautiful, brilliant and accomplished, but there was nothing about her words, tone or body language that was enticing or inviting to a man on any level. Men still are drawn to kindness, respect and a soft place to land, not a steel floor covered in sandpaper. I love you my sisters, but there’s some issues and this criticism shouldn’t be taken as destructive, but constructive. I walk past beautiful and successful women a lot and I’m on or exceed their level. While many are great women, that doesn’t mean they are great partners. I don’t see a lot of kindness and there’s more demands than what would be supplied in a relationship. I get it, y’all have been through HELL!!!! Nevertheless, how do we have the middle conversation where we discuss what men want while we support your preferences? Cause while I respect and salute who many of you are on paper, the energy is often off. Sad thing is, Eboni stated she realized she was coming off masculine, but here we are arguing her presences. Don’t date the bus driver, but don’t be in a such a way where you repel the CEO!

[@ntitus3025]

This entire Live was a waste of time. Definitely saw how differently they treated Becky when she called in with the same sentiment similar to what Eboni K was suggesting.

[@uniquelyme3581]

EXACTLY. They wouldn't verbally lash out at Becky like they would a bw!

[@ntitus3025]

@@uniquelyme3581 And yet Iyanla kept saying, *this is not an attack & we need to stop tearing each other down* but that's what she's been doing. So disingenuous! It was like 2 dudes in the manosphere having a convo.

[@uniquelyme3581]

@@ntitus3025 Yup l agree!

[@derrickmason7457]

@@uniquelyme3581 how long we gonna compare ourselves to white ppl ? Who cares about what white ppl do or how ppl treat whites ppl build your own communities with your black man.. I’m raising my black family

[@whome7119]

But she actually dated him and from the sounds of it...she'll do it again.

[@keys.6052]

So everything is the black women's fault? Smh. Ridiculous. Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting someone on your level or above. Reach high. No one can tell you what you deserve. You do not have to level down. Use your brain and do what is BEST for YOU.

[@M87theGreat]

When did she say all of this is black womens fault? She stated multiple times this isnt even a race thing. Are you even listening?

[@M87theGreat]

Whats crazy to me is everybody that thinks like you wont say this to men. Perfectly fine for men to date down financially for generations. But as soon as the playing field became more equal look what happens. "If he not "equally yoked" financially, he not for you boo" Its dam nonsense.

[@alexpiper1115]

well if you remember Eboni HAD someone on her level. Was about to get married and everything. The pandemic happened and he CHOSE to spend time with his GROWN children than he did with her, his fiance...so dating up isn't really working out to well for her anyway. A high value man showed her that she wasn't as high value as she thought she was .

[@KayDejaVu]

This was about our spritis? smh. I listened to all of this and cannot believe how much this was derailed. We are tp get into our feminine role but men are not called to be men .

[@M87theGreat]

@Kay DejaVu not in this certain conversation. She literally said this conversation is for the women. There are PLENTY of channels reminding men to get on their grind

[@kimscf6998]

I’ve been listening to Iyanla for the majority of my life and I have never disagreed with a single word she’s ever said until today. I am really saddened by this conversation because there is a deliberate blindness, deafness and dumbness that is being willingly chosen. Like it or not the zeitgeist is filled with this manosphere rhetoric, a very thick and relentless dialogue of people who continuously and unrelentingly beat up on black women, and say that we are not good enough no matter what we do. And for Iyanla, to tacitly cosign it beyond destructive. Steve Harvey, a good man who came from homelessness to overcome it to have the opposite view of this very issue the other week means something is off. Iyanla is transferring her experience to every woman and it is a problem. She is essentially cosigning whether she wants to or not, this “Everything is the fault of women even when men mess up it's the women's fault mindset”, it coddles men as if they are boys and never allows them to face consequences and grow up but browbeat little girls into being grown women before they’re even teenagers. Are they the leaders or not? You can’t have it both ways. What kind of leadership is the CEO of a company that tanks but we blame Brenda from HR. Make it make sense. What is not addressed is there is an assault on the identity of a black woman, it is abusive, yall shove our face into shit and tell us to eat it and act like it tastes good. I rebuke that energy back to the white supremacist hell it came from. We not slaves no more. Gone is the day that the behavior of your ex-husband is even fathomable, this generation of women would never endure that. We honor that you did, but i would hope you wouldn't want us to either. Perhaps, you don’t feel it personally because of your Native American background, but we 100er% don’t have that shield. There’s no one saying Native American women aren’t enough, or ghetto and all manner of things. There’s no one beating up on Latina women as undesirable and manish, and then expecting them to dry their tears and fight their fight and take care of their babies with no help. It’s black women that gets attacked from every fricken avenue and now you too, our grandmother, our guide. We are not submissive enough or willing to make ourselves small enough but must still shelter black men but where is the shelter of the black woman who has been ravaged for centuries now and don’t tell me to heal without telling them o do it first. Let them actually heal and not take out their traumas on us and tell us to buck up. It’s profound that what you took from the white woman caller is that we should play small. Instead of asking the man to grow, we tell girls to shrink? What are we saying? What are we telling people? What are we telling young girls? I’m raising two daughters, and this is an unacceptable conversation and the tenor, and the cosign of this conversation is so destructive for the future for generation if this is what goes out there, unchecked. And please know I am married to a wonderful man, who is my soulmate that I met unemployed and his first job paid him $15,000 , and I still reject this, because that same man has hustled ever since, to make 10 times as much to take care of this family. With my help and I do stay home and take care of our kids and he does wash dishes and help take care of the kids. It’s not impossible Iyanla, it's just not your experience. Any man who sits there who would rather sit a watch his family have a terrible Christmas than meet you halfway on buying a tree desire to be single. And I'd gladly stay single too. That’s ridiculous, and that man needed healing to figure out why his ego was so toxic that he couldn't be humble enough to help his wife feel the joy she wanted at Christmas. You were wrong too, but two things can be true at once. I understand you have sons, but I have daughters and my daughters will never accept that kind of standard you’re setting and putting into the ether because of how you raise yours. I’m reading some energy too and you too are speaking from your brokenness beloved. Also brother, as a therapist you know better than this.

[@Mbran03]

You know why other race of women aren't scrutinized like black women when it comes to this topic, is bc they are agreeable with their men. Latina women cook and clean wash have babies, and still work outside the home. WM, they or most often prefer to be stay at home moms. They value their roles. BW, we have always worked outside the home. We were never able to be at home raising kids. Which is why I don't understand why we ride so hard for the political feminist movement, when it was never about us as black women. Big mama helped with the kids. Since the slavery days. I think our demeanor and masculine energy stems from slavery. Our men were sent from plantation to plantation. Leaving us to raise the kids alone. He was killed, hung, watched his wife get raped and he couldn't help, watched his daughter get sent to another plantation and couldn't protect her. We have to understand the traumas that slavery put in us and those same feelings and depression has followed to 2023. None of that was the black man's own doing!!! I will always ride for our black men. But we have internalized that single womanhood to a point where we can't let the control go! We do as black women need to tap back into the femininity that we have always possessed and stop defining ourselves by the American Dream. Get back into our gender roles and be genuine partners to our men. And vice versa. Men value the BW so we can be balanced. That's when we are the strongest.

[@denisealex213]

@@Mbran03black male worship at its finest. Nothing what you said is statistically correct. Pure conjecture.

[@TaylorNicole_]

The community have decided to make BW the scapegoat for everything wrong in the world, its literally become a business model. But from reading these comments I'm proud to see that so many BW have woken up.

[@KayDejaVu]

@@Mbran03 BW do the same thing. They are doing the child rearing and paying the bills. Where are BM today? They are not on the plantation. Furthermore BM are not graduating at high levels. Imagine steve said Black men are stopped in society.

[@LOVE92031]

Goodness, why are you posting your diary on yt?

[@meekyw.4010]

15:32 Eboni actually wasn't complaining about black men! She specifically spoke about challenges amongst men as a whole. As she said she's been with all races! 1:05:04 Dr. Perry has come across this whole time as aggressive and angry, it was a turn-off!

[@tammymorgan5348]

Right and then black people turned it into an attack on black men.

[@derrickmason7457]

No on her 2nd interview she said the point of her rant was for black men to want to do and be better how mediocre for anyone she loves isn’t an option

[@whome7119]

She was complaining on The Breakfast Club after the fact.

[@lisagrayson3302]

@@derrickmason7457 When black men cant even put a grocery store in their own mother's neighborhood, but can only drive a bus through it, yeah black men, yall need to do better.

[@derrickmason7457]

@@lisagrayson3302 lol It’s only ppl that aren’t winning that complain .. if you got your man and your family I don’t see the problem. It’s usually the ppl that don’t have anyone that have the issue

[@rozzjack]

So, let me get this straight. You were excited about the Christmas tree and like you said, you were crazy about Christmas and it was your thing. So, your husband knowing this, flat out told you he wasn’t paying $80 dollars for a tree, then went out and bought a Kwanzaa bush that you didn’t want. So, because you didn’t want the Kwanzaa bush you crushed HIS spirit???? No, he crushed YOUR spirit and you accepted it. It wasn’t about the Christmas tree costing $80. It was about him not wanting you to have a tree period. If he really wanted you to have a Christmas tree, but thought $80 was too much, he would have bought you a cheaper CHRISTMAS TREE and not a KWANZAA BUSH. See, you thought you both were balancing your beliefs. No, that’s just what he made you think. At the end of it all, he bought what he wanted and intended to have all along: a Kwanzaa bush. He didn’t respect or care about your excitement about Christmas. There should have been a Christmas tree AND a Kwanzaa bush in that house. That’s balance and compromise. That’s representative of two people respecting each other’s desires.

[@lumedeon8471]

I was shocked when she said she expressed her excitement about the tree but he still refused. When she said he went out the next day, I thought she was going to say he surprised her with the tree of her dreams. See, this is what the kind, secure, successful men I’ve dated/married since my 20’s would’ve done. There are A LOT of educated, successful men who THRIVE off of making their women happy. Iyanla was dealing with the typical dusty attitude that must find some way to exert his authority in the relationship. And that is usually by subjugating hers. How sad Iyanla has never known what it’s like to be with a breadwinner who LOVES to provide and see his woman happy. She talks like a successful man can’t have a heart of gold and love his woman. As if only blue collars do that. As if her blue collar broke men didn’t beat (broke her jaw at 6 months pregnant?), cheat on, leave her homeless and take 1/2 her money.

[@jt4953]

My sentiments exactly…he was attempting to “put her in her place” which is the gateway to abuse. No thank you!

[@aquilachefba-ados]

Well said! We had a Christmas tree with Kwanzaa decorations on it and I am Muslim! Lolo

[@HighVibe001]

Facts! Ms Vanzant is not healed as she wants us to believe

[@ednaidatipote5602]

When BLACK MEN take on the masculine ROLES! Black women will be able to rest in their femininity. Iyanla has chosen to ignore why she had to be that kind of woman she was at that time. Now she has the success and peace of mind she needed. To which she had to get ON HER OWN. Of course now she wants to talk like this. I'm sorry but this is the MOST disingenuous advice I have heard from an elder in a very long time. Tell the truth

[@mizzmolly7649]

I'm so proud of the ladies in this thread who are pushing back on advice that may require a woman to be less than her authentic self and may even be harmful. Be with the man who encourages you to grow to your full potential!!!❤❤❤

[@sherriew36]

Authenticity is truth. I agree; women need to know themselves and operate from a place of trust instead of betraying themselves for a Disney movie

[@emcallis57]

Just because a man is rich doesn't mean he will encourage you to be your full potential self. Y'all have this ignorance of life that associates a man's wealth with values, support, love, and protection. I see the richest men treat women like birds. What about abuse, neglect, morals, values, love, etc???

[@mizzmolly7649]

@@emcallis57 It is YOU that is ignorant. You're presuming that a bus driver will be loving and supportive. You can't even comprehend the fact that kind, loving, supportive, honest, caring and a strong work ethic are qualities that shouldn't have to be mentioned because they are basic qualities that a man MUST have to even be a consideration, whether he's a bus driver or a hedge fund manager.

[@blackseed9293]

​@@mizzmolly7649 Then you are ignoring all the shows that show women prioritize wealth over all of that l. The need to be right instead of honest is strong in you.

[@mizzmolly7649]

@@blackseed9293 Of course money is important, but if a man is abusive, unfaithful and just not a decent man, then it's a wrap. And stop acting like you know me and my values, because you don't.

[@chalinaclayton5136]

I'm with Eboni on this. Eboni was clear on what she said and if people 's feelings were hurt so be it because it's time to do better.

[@derrickmason7457]

Lol right offend the ppl you want to buy your books and watch her shows that will work

[@whome7119]

She's still single though. Most bus drivers I know are married.

[@amandafin2143]

@@whome7119How do yall be knowing so many bus drivers? You dont know any lawyers or doctors?

[@lisagrayson3302]

@@whome7119 Being married but having to buy your husband tickets to Paris because he can't afford it. Eboni chooses to be single.

[@marielondon8269]

@@whome7119 Do you believe marriage is the ultimate goal for every woman? You do realize that there are some women in this world that while they may want sex, they really don't want the responsibility of a relationship, children or pets. I have said this in other comments and some people find it hard to believe. While Eboni may be a woman that wants a husband and children, I'm sure she's accepted the fact that it may not happen and not because she can't find a man within her economic status, but mostly because he may not be physically what she wants either. Men get to say they don't want fat, wigs/weaves, makeup, dark skin, etc., women also have types and they're sticking to them.

[@mahadsaid74]

When that Becky called in Iyanla changed her tune real quick. Clearly, she hold some resentment towards black women.

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

Wanting black women to suffer the same misery that she did in her 3 failed marriages. Please.

[@Tam...]

Why is the bus driver entitled to date a well accomplished woman, but she is not entitled to date a well accomplished man??

[@Tam...]

@far7rom A bus driver makes $40k a year. How is that a well accomplished position?? Iyanla asked her if she would date a bus driver because Iyanla believes it's not an accomplished position....

[@whome7119]

THEY DONT WANT HER!

[@Latte-girly90]

@@far7rom cool. So you understand women want men with money right? A gorgeous woman isn’t getting with a poor man. It takes two to tango. So men can want an attractive woman all day long but I hope they can compete for that woman because you’re not automatically entitled to her

[@KourtKhronicles]

Black Male Worship Iyanla has a history of BMW.

[@bobbyschannel349]

Because you missed the whole conversation period. When Eboni Williams asked the question men are not stepping up to what men in her position wants that's when she said date a bus driver.. there are not that many a compass man out there anymore, and they do not want middle-aged women they just don't

[@tammymorgan5348]

Eboni NEVER said finances was her only measuring stick. YOU NEVER GAVE HER ANYTHING ELSE WITH THE BUS DRIVER.

[@f_jay]

Exactly she was setting Eboni up with that question. Why would you ask a lawyer if they would date a bus driver. The question was a setup.

[@tammymorgan5348]

@Bill Clinton at them putting words into Eboni's mouth based on their own personal situations and preferences, ABSOLUTELY.

[@tammymorgan5348]

@@f_jay right! And her sitting up their talking about finances shouldn't be Eboni's only measure when she never gave her any other criteria is sad. I don't mind having the conversation, but their having while telling her she's wrong then saying this is not based off it that. It absolutely is because both of them KEPT referring to Eboni.

[@yourmothersfavoritemidnigh7379]

That's bullshit. If it was about ownership and not finance, then why Eboni Williams not on your own show/channel? She is an EMPLOYEE at Byron Allen's The Grio. And why was her ex-finance a white man with 3kids?......Maybe you don't but we see through the bullshit.

[@FeminineVibez]

Right

[@Tam...]

This is the worst guest to prove your point, Iyanla....OMG I can't believe what I'm hearing here... This community will forever be at the bottom...I'm out✌🏿

[@ChakaKhanian]

Sis, in the gutter.

[@mldiva13]

He literally hates women… he’s very insecure

[@summer_goddess1400]

@@mldiva13is he even heterosexual?

[@eldeennick1402]

😂😂😂 what is the average salary for individuals between 34 to 40 year old in the United States?😅😅😅

[@loveis0417]

The last caller said it best. Value and character alignment is most important and then everything else will fall in place. I am happily married not because of what he brings to the table financially. He enhances my life as I do with him.

[@tammymorgan5348]

When did Eboni say she needed a man to provide everything for her? I believe she's been providing for herself. Why can't she want someone to match her efforts?

[@woowoo8234]

She said that a few times on her podcast.

[@tammymorgan5348]

@@woowoo8234 please post the link.

[@Aparturum]

Women in 2023 are triggered

[@whome7119]

What are her efforts?

[@tammymorgan5348]

@@Aparturum oh I guess you didn't see Dr. Perry get triggered by the male caller and went into his own personal situation.

[@tammymorgan5348]

Why is it that Eboni stating her experience with men is deemed "complaining"?

[@yourmothersfavoritemidnigh7379]

Because her finance was a white man white man with 3 kids.....

[@mekichey129]

BM are literally showing their inability to compete to the world

[@amieklein6043]

Very disappointed. That question was a set-up. Young black women are changing the dynamic and will no longer be settling for what our mothers did. The powers that be may put Iyanla to sway us but we CANNOT BE MISGUIDED!

[@bobbyschannel349]

You will be dying alone

[@amieklein6043]

@@bobbyschannel349 awww oh no! What do I do now! You’ve destroyed me so much, I’m so scared!😩😢😢😢😥😥😥

[@melanie_carmella]

The most important thing for me is the content of character. I have a degree, and the black educated men I dated were arrogant. They treated me as if I was inferior, and they thought that their money gave them a pass to cheat. I've been treated much much better by "bus drivers". This is just my experience.

[@HH-gv8mx]

I made the mistake, too many times, of dating”the bus driver” instead of successful, smart man, who I thought were superior to me. I was always afraid that the successful guy who had everything might replace me for something better, so I settled for the bus driver. And after four years, the bus driver suddenly left me. I was beautiful when he met me, and now I am busted. We just signed a lease in this apartment, which my rent has doubled, and I cannot afford this place on my own. All of my front teeth are chipped from him punching me in the face. I had to have pins put in my finger and have surgery because of all of the abuse he put me through physically and mentally. At the end of day, it doesn’t really matter if it’s a bus, driver, or an educated successful man. They have to be emotionally intelligent and be willing to communicate your feelings without using physical violence, or just vanishing when things get tough .

[@ednaidatipote5602]

​@@HH-gv8mxwell said

[@olilumgbalu5653]

@@ednaidatipote5602 Men with or without degrees can be violent and/or arrogant or have other unsavory attitudes and behaviors. That is why the content of their character is so important as @melanie_carmella said. You can't assume the bus driver will be an angel just because he doesn't have a degree or is a blue-collar worker and you can't assume the doctor (lawyer, engineer, etc) is an angel just because he has a degree and a better paying job.

[@keys.6052]

Sorry Iyanla but your advice is absolutely terrible. Why do you keep coddling black men?

[@bobbyschannel349]

Because he sees the failure in black women

[@MelBennett-mn6ei]

They finally had a WW call, and she basically said the same thing BW were saying. Then the guy wanted to jump to the next caller. 😂

[@LOVE92031]

Iyanla drops jewels & pearls but I saw some mammy-ness today.

[@LorenCognita]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@prhphone3259]

WW are conditioned early on to marry up, period.

[@mattmatthews3689]

Eboni is a modern out of order woman, who most black women will follow because they are after power and control with no maternal or wifely instinct. These woman will argue and contend with a stop sign. The purpose of a woman is what God said is to be a help meet to her head which is the man anything else is out of order and when not end well for her or society, ok. The word of God will outlast a modern woman who has lost her way.

[@LOVE92031]

@@mattmatthews3689 Eboni is a modern Black woman who is doing the best she can in a world where the collective black man is extremely out of order. Now stop projecting your negative judgment and go do your work, like the rest of us are. This in Order Black Woman will give you a hint: it takes way more work than listening to paul collier or quoting one bible scripture out of context.

[@sugarwaterpurple5280]

I've never heard this guy get upset or show up on panels when black men degrade black women while expressing their preference for non-black women. Where was alm tho energy by him or Iyanla when Kevin Samuels and the manosphere degraded and excluded single mothers overweight women or women over 35?

[@JLLondonbridge]

Moving the goalpost

[@angeleyes3396]

@@JLLondonbridge No we are actually holding y’all to the goalpost you set. But no worries I’m sure y’all will find a way to move it again.

[@sugarwaterpurple5280]

We never set the goal post in the first place. What are you even talking about?

[@summer_goddess1400]

@@sugarwaterpurple5280you get what you give. Y’all were unkind. Now women are being less kind. Do you see how that works? Some of y’all are remedial, at best

[@JLLondonbridge]

@@summer_goddess1400 People are unkind. No matter race, gender, color, etc. It’s important to be practical and rational minded.

[@theheiress4101]

You said will you date a bus driver but you weren’t talking about dating? Don’t sell my sisters short for some clicks. A woman of Eboni’s caliber don’t date bus drivers. She gave an honest answer to that question. We need elder women to build us up not throw us under the bus. We as women need to stand together in solidarity. I’m very disappointed in this whole conversation. It’s very disingenuous.

[@prhphone3259]

Elder here, and I fully support Eboni’s stance. Too many of my generation experienced emotional trauma trying to carry BM. My daughter will be a very high earner in a few years and I have warned her not to partner with just any man. One thing she will have to consider is his income. I’m really dismayed with Iyanla. Her advice is really detrimental to BW. Stay strong my sisters!

[@theheiress4101]

@@prhphone3259 thank you for being honest, I truly appreciate support from matriarchs like you. Because we already have it rough from every other group so your support means a lot.

[@frankiecollins5212]

A women like Ebony will always be single no real man will consider her if she don’t change her views about our beautiful brother’s.

[@theheiress4101]

@@frankiecollins5212 No ma'am that is verbiage straight from the handbook of old wise tells of mammies pickmes and men that want women to stay disillusioned because it benefits them. She's not limited to blk men. I don't see anything wrong with what she said. Iyanla is dancing to these type men favorite tune and she still hasn't had a successful marriage so your statement very questionable. She will marry well or stay single. A lot of us are opting out of struggle love and marrying down.

[@frankiecollins5212]

@@theheiress4101 No not true but that’s your reality.

[@divestedconservative26]

My man is white and we've NEVER once had a conversation like this! Why???.....because he gets it

[@mahoganymuffin2628]

Every community gets it but the black community. It's frustrating!

[@Isa-Amor]

I'm curious to what conversation you're referring to and what he gets?

[@lisagrayson3302]

Judging by the comments and some of the callers Iyanla, I believe the dynamics have changed since you and I were the age of this generation of women, In the marketplace where women don't have to depend on a mans income to survive. This is global and not only in the black communities where men are trying to find their places, and the rules have changed. Compounding the problems is that our communities where black fathers are absent, black males lack guidance on relationships and more damaging, building and maintaining healthy communities. However, women can't fix what they didn't break I hope you really listen to this generation of women, who are outpacing our males in education 2-1. Water rises to its highest level, and it is time for black males to level up.

[@quickpstuts412]

Exactly!!

[@prhphone3259]

Well said. I’m more likely your generation, and I’m so proud of these young women standing against this nonsense.

[@goodevening7870]

@@prhphone3259 I feel you in this. I’m very proud of them too.

[@kojoboateng6755]

Very disrespectful to be saying 'males' instead of men but rightfully using 'women' where needed. Woman, your very existence and security is guaranteed by men. There's nothing you have that haven't been facilitated by the provision of men directly or indirectly. Since when did we get to this space where the weaker vessels think they're more than they are, while disrespecting the men who build the world around them.

[@Pirrelli8]

But that’s by design, and that’s the confusion. Society doesn’t nurture or invest in the men. They do the exact opposite to the women. Because they don’t like strength, a deep voice, and power. That’s a man, society don’t want to deal with that. Who that boy think he is? This ideal has never left, wake-up. This is the same rhetoric Eboni has. Because she believes a degree trumps the power of a man. Which nobody wants. But the same Eboni will turn around and be told what to do because she’s subservient to the master. Not the “boy” so-called labeled.

[@upskill46]

I agree with Iyanla I think we have become too materialistic because a lot of us are operating on survival and fear. What matters is who have you loved and who has loved you back

[@aquarius-woman5364]

Yeah you do struggle love!

[@upskill46]

@@aquarius-woman5364 Actually I’m married to a WONDERFUL man who loves and adore me! My mere essence and presence will never bring struggle only creation and abundance, so I have no fear in that department. But yes I am loved 🥰

[@aquarius-woman5364]

@@upskill46 So why are you worried about another woman preference? You should focus on your happiness and worry less about others and how they prefer to live their lives.

[@upskill46]

@@aquarius-woman5364 lol.. so sad. Be well

[@Piscean83]

​@Aquarius-woman 💯 right why take attention from their stuff to bother others 😂

[@KarmenAli]

The real gag is folks being offended by being called average. Average is what’s necessary to make it. Average is good. What’s wrong with folks?!

[@rstdot]

Don't do that. Eboni wasn't trying to say that average is good and you know it. Eboni was being a snob and looking down on people just because they have a regular job.

[@perdybirdie]

​@@rstdot so what? She's in a higher tax bracket and said what she said. Either level up or get over it. This is coming from someone who makes under 100k per year. I'm not offended. Class is a real thing, and more black people would do well to grasp and live by that.

[@yourmothersfavoritemidnigh7379]

If Average is good then why not date average? Why is dating average such an offensive concept for bw? Why is it considered "lowering your standards" to date average?

[@KarmenAli]

@@yourmothersfavoritemidnigh7379 if you’re great or excellent…. Technically it would be lowering your standards but that doesn’t make “average” bad. Bad is bad, average is average and great is great. Two things can be true at once and typically bad people date bad people, average people date average people and so on… the problem is that black women are specifically targeted and expected to reach down when dating and it’s rooted in white supremacy bc we used to be seen as property. It’s mental conditioning and if you all could look past your feelings you could recognize and accept it for what it is. No one has this conversation with white women. Think about it

[@yourmothersfavoritemidnigh7379]

@@KarmenAli Eboni works for someone. She has a boss. She does not own the platform she has gone viral on. Yet seemingly condemning men who "doesn't own the bus"......That is the problem. The belief that you are above the people you should be building with. Too many average women think they're above average men. They want someone of a higher level to pick them when it's less probable. It's a numbers game. It's not rocket science. Every other race figured it out I don't know why black people still stuck on this problem lol smh

[@thebeardednewyorker521]

Iyanla is from an older generation. A relic. That ship has sailed. The younger generation of women have observed the measure of men Iyanla generation coupled with without benefit and they’re rejecting what their mothers and grandmothers were subjected to. Everything must evolve and I think Iyanla and women like her time has come and gone. Marrying just for love & integrity and he is goooood 2 his mama (what if his mama is toxic and he wants nothing to do with her) is the dumbest concept I’ve ever heard. Money matters. That's why you're overweight and you dont have edges. Struggle is stressful. Eboni is an accomplished attorney who lives in NYC not rural Alabama. What the hell can she do with a bus drivers salary? And if she does couple with a bus driver is she supposed to foot the bill? If so isn’t that a form of emasculating men? Or should she lower her standards of living in order to make him feel like a man? Y’all gotta pick a side. Black women have grown tired of struggle love and or “building” up a man. Why can’t we come already assembled. This narrative has grown tired. Here’s a thought: instead of demanding and shaming Black women into lowering their standards how about we demand Black men to do better..Only broke and unaccomplished men want Black women to lower their standards and or pickmes that want you to suffer her same fate. Misery loves company. Personally as a successful, college educated black man (with years of therapy under my belt) I like boundaries, expectations & standards it lets me know that she has value....A Bentley doesn't go on clearance...

[@catmouse2882]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Iyanla needs to retire in Costa Rica. Hang it up already. The Boomer Blk women have led my generation of Blk women (Millennials) into a burning building (hi Mlk jr😉) Blk women are divesting, dating interracially, becoming hypergamous...and I love that for us!!!! We are the most educated and fastest growing homeowners 🩷🩷🩷 We don't have to be Florida Evans...stuck in the projects with dusty husband and 3 kids. F*** Good Times!!!

[@TheComedyChord]

omg you said it!

[@iris7301]

Spot on

[@soblessed4844]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏽

[@serious7179]

Bingo! Excellent

[@evileyez504]

Using your heart instead of your mind is how so many well to do black women have ended up with Dusties who mess up their credit, health, kids,record,future and lives .

[@skigodtheghost]

Not having discernment is how people end up with those results among many other possible reasons like not using intuition, trauma, unconscious and conscious beliefs about relationships as some examples. having a willingness to love and move from a heart space is a strength and a super power not something to shut down.

[@melechdomeyhwh]

YOu chosen dusties .There are bruthas that do work for a living .You don't want them .

[@evileyez504]

@@melechdomeyhwh you must have me confused with your mom

[@fixthatface483]

@@evileyez504 lmao😂

[@ChakaKhanian]

Perhaps these men who are not on a woman's level financially, spirtually, mentally, etc need to stop seeking them out. Some of these men knowingly get with dynamic women with ill intentions, usually to use her for her energy and resources just so he will take them to the woman he 'really wants.'

[@Birdielovesdonuts]

Iyanla's comments only show that she has not done the inner work and is convincing black women to accept the traumas she's faced. This isn't the first messed up thing she's said over the years and she clearly needs ongoing intense therapy so she can properly heal. The negative reactions to Eboni Williams PERSONAL standards are asinine and it has somehow turned into people belittling, degrading, and berating black women for simply wanting more than what they have been receiving. A lot of women need to wake up and realize being single is a lot healthier than being with any man just to say you have one.

[@mahoganymuffin2628]

Preachhhh

[@mattmatthews3689]

You need to get you unconscious out of touch self on track. Your hearing is off big time Lol

[@Birdielovesdonuts]

@@mattmatthews3689 I'm right on track but the incels keep trying to convince women they're wrong about Iyanla. Kick rocks and have a nice day!

[@mattmatthews3689]

@@Birdielovesdonuts it is not about making Iyanla wrong it is about looking at yourself and making a better version of yourself

[@Birdielovesdonuts]

@@mattmatthews3689 That’s all fine and dandy but the fact still remains: IYANLA hasn’t done the inner work or healed from her traumas. Black women need to focus on themselves, their children if they have them, and leave men and women that think like Iyanla in the dust.

[@derrickmason7457]

Idk why ppl act like ppl don’t lose jobs everyday we didn’t learn anything during the pandemic.. ppl would rather have the lifestyle than the person. We’re not even promised to be here tomorrow , I’m not saying you shouldn’t have preferences but to say your not worthy of another person because of your income craziness. Glad my wife gave me a chance when I was making 10.00 an hour married 10 yrs later 2 little girls taking care of my wife and family on 70 k

[@pearl1050]

is your wife a millionaire lawyer?

[@derrickmason7457]

@@pearl1050 you already missed the point .. the point is how many ppl are millionaires.. so pushing the narrative to others that you should do xyz per eboni is a dangerous narrative. Iyanla makes Millions she understands what a man is

[@vfree4579]

YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED HOW A WOMAN MADE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE.

[@derrickmason7457]

@@vfree4579 Ofcourse

[@thebeardednewyorker521]

70k a year won't support a family in NYC. Not without struggle. Anything less than 150k in NYC you're struggling. Eboni lives in NYC. Money matters. Finances is one of the leading reasons for divorce. MONEY MATTERS. If a woman has worked her behind off to put herself in a better place financially I was tought (by my dad) that is my responsibility to meet her more than halfway. Eboni is a 40 year old woman. If you don't have your finances together at 40 thats your problem not hers.

[@trillviaplath]

Iyanla was doing interviews mad and put off of doing Fix My Life after multiple subjects - that fiancé, Neffie, Shay, DMX and others said she was using them to make good tv. I’m afraid she did this exact thing with Eboni to catapult herself into this “dating coach” incel/manosphere/misogynoir media lane. NASTY. She said BW were “men in skirts” now it’s this “would you date a bus driver” bs. Didn’t your last husband abuse and leave you for being more driven? In the pandemic you said your most recent bf used you for your money as well. So unserious!

[@Alexandrias.Washington]

Iyanla sure as hell doesn’t need Eboni Williams the lonely woman desperately seeking sperm from a “mediocre Black man” to have a test tube baby! Iyanla was extremely successful before the aforementioned people as well as before Eboni represented her ONLY client! Eboni is the person running around begging for a man with the assistance of Iyanla! Maybe if you and Eboni and her foolish followers, would have read Iyanla’s books years ago, you ALL would be more grounded, more wise, less masculine, and successfully married with children.

[@C_CZ2]

​@Bill Clinton you should be mad she used BM being dusty to provide content for her show...

[@livelovely4681]

I agree, she's a snake.

[@mekichey129]

Exactly. Like TD Jakes did. Old Haggard washed mammies will always cut the wings off younger BW to give a boost to their dusty sons.

[@deeliteinhair4053]

I saw an entire series where they asked black ladies & White ladies their expectations for a man's salaries that they would date. All the black ladies were on the struggle love bus and willing to work with a brother. All the white ladies were on that 6 figures and up type situation. Black ladies are socialized to have low expectations. White ladies are socialized to have standards. When black ladies have standards we are goldiggers. When White ladies have standards, it's acceptable. Black men will rise to the occasion to date Becky but not when they date a black lady. White ladies can be soft and feminine because men provide an environment for them to do so. Black ladies are forced to be masculine and hustle to get the bag because black men don't provide an environment for us to be soft and feminine. That being said, black ladies open your options and date outside of black men. Let them protect and provide for their preference (Becky). Train your eyes to find other nationality of men attractive. Black men prefer Becky. You had better start learning to prefer Brad or get you some cats!

[@magnificentlybeautiful1478]

What was the series I’d love to watch it as well.

[@kojoboateng6755]

Expect expect expect demand demand demand.....what does your sorry a**ss bring to the table?????

[@bobbyschannel349]

You have a choice you come from a community that has always been struggling, I don't know but you young blacks tends to not understand that we were doing the day we stepped out those places. Black Americans have always struggled together. Now you can leave the rain because I don't want black people like you anywhere near our culture because we would be doing with splitting apart but those women understand their Community the understanding culture. And if you're going to be a gold-digging slut... you need to exit out of the black race and never come around or Community ever again

[@boipelontsepe1226]

​@@magnificentlybeautiful1478there is nothing like that. She made it up.

[@D13vest]

@@boipelontsepe1226 I figured this was all a lie.

[@khadijahb5603]

SO WHY ARE YOU SINGLE ‼️❓❓

[@AB-rz3dv]

So many have entirely missed what you, @iyanla and Mr. Perry were truly speaking on. If you skip over a man who only makes a certain amount of money but could love you, treat you well and is spiritually grounded is lowering your standards....that's a sad reality they live in. If you're only in it to see what you can get, you've already lost.

[@lbda9426]

No we got it. We disagree! Skip, skip, skip.

[@jennyjen024]

🎯🎯🎯

[@abundantlybeyoutiful9993]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@quickpstuts412]

I respect your opinion, but it's deeper than that. There are some nice men out here who don't make much, no doubt. As a whole, men get their identity from being providers financially. Many need to feel needed, and that often comes down to how they can provide. Men have told me this often. Women are also raised to have that expectation of men, but are then told to drop that expectation when the dating pool dries up. This is where the problem lies because they often never truly drop that desire deep down thanks to society and the roles that are projected and expected. So you pretend to drop that expectation so you won't be alone, but if you're not being honest with yourself, that will show up in the relationship after the newness wears off. I know so many people like this! Black women get criticized for being picky, but they wouldn't say that if there were truly enough men out there that are their equal. I hate that black women are expected to "date down" because of lack. White woman aren't told this because they have more options. A lot of times when men make less (especially if it's much less) there is resentment and feelings of emasculation. I had a friend whose BF told her he hated that she made so much more because he's used to providing. She went on to marry a janitor. He is the SWEETEST guy ever, but she is constantly feeling the need to OVER praise him on little things and make him (and herself) feel good because of the income difference. It's so disingenuous and very hard to watch. I see this a lot with women who are the main providers. You could argue that's HER problem because of her expectations, but I see this so much with women who make far more. She also resents the fact she is carrying the family financially. But she wanted marriage and a baby so bad. It is still a constant struggle mentally for her. She opens up to me about it often. So if a woman can make it work and truly feel complete in that role, AND the man is not emasculated, go for it. However, many women will tell you that it doesn't often work out that way.

[@MahoganyGlaze]

Stay out of it sis. Let women do what they want 🤷🏾‍♀️!!!! If they want to marry let them. If the don’t want to marry let them! Focus on your life and creating loving relationships and let other people do the same

[@tammymorgan5348]

Last caller, black women have ALWAYS held black men down. Society does beat them up but they also have some personal responsibility and they don't always take accountability. And let's not forget we have not always been held down by men in return. It's ok for you to accept your husband unemployed, but another woman doesn't have to accept that. It's ok for women to say take time and get yourself together, Sir. That's not putting him down, that's knowing what you're willing to deal with.

[@TheComedyChord]

But men of Eboni's wealth aren't thinking about a woman's heart first. They're thinking about her APPEARANCE. That gorgeous bus driving woman could ruin his life by taking half of his income! But she looks good. He passes over the equally rich, ugly woman with the good heart all because of her looks. 😂

[@singlemamanodrama4546]

Exactly. The passport bros keep saying they can't get the women they want in the US. But there are no-so-attractive women who would want them, but that is not what the men want. They want beautiful women and the cheaper the better. So that;s why they go overseas. Pickmeshas like Iyanla never end up getting picked.

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

​@@singlemamanodrama4546 And then will be on the internet begging for a cashapp for their Spirit flight to get back home from the trip that they couldn't afford in the first place. 😂

[@GoddessBlueYozakura7]

@@therealkoolaidandkale Lmao! Saaaph it!! I saw that dude wanted to cry and remember how long those dudes made him wait. They didn't wanted to give him anything. lmao!

[@dollabill8850]

Why do u assume the gorgeous bus driver would take his money? Why do u assume the rich lady would have good character?

[@fosthedoll]

@@singlemamanodrama4546 Actually the cheap and stingy men go overseas. You can’t get anything from them without opening up your legs. The real masculine men are in other 1st world countries where class doesn’t change much and quality is much better. These are the type of men picking up Afra ladies in and out of America

[@KourtKhronicles]

Iyanla married a man that made significantly less than her, and she ended up paying him alimony. 👀 We are aiming to avoid this. Black women of today see how so many successful black women end up getting burned in these relationships i.e., Wendy Williams, Halle Berry, Sherri, Shepherd,…

[@22221mm]

I will preference that i haven't watched the entire live. Having said that I get the impression that there is an assumption that bus drivers all are good people who are compassionate and caring simply because they drive a bus. This is simply not true.

[@betheone8292]

I respect Iyanla and Dr. Perry however , I think this conversation would have been better suited for a black women social worker or psychologist who is well versed in what is going on in the community as to why black women are saying they would not date a bus driver.

[@lisagrayson3302]

Exactly. When black men get rich, they marry out. There is a psychological reasons beside bus driving.

[@whome7119]

All Black woman ain't saying that. Black delusional women are.

[@lisagrayson3302]

@Bill Clinton breadwinner of the household aren't submissive brokezilla. If that's what you want pay all the bills.

[@whome7119]

@@lisagrayson3302 The lies you tell. Look at Monique and Dr Heavenly from Married to medicine. They call their husbands Daddy.

[@betheone8292]

@Bill Clinton And its men and women like you that made Eboni's comment exacerbated nobody was hating on black men to say that would mean ALL black men are bus driver or blue collar workers. My comment was to Iyanla wanting to know why black women would not date a bus driver and Dr. Perry is not a women so he can only speak from male perspective. If you are marrying up for peace why cant a women marry for financial comparability? It goes both ways and no I will not compete because being married is not the end all be all for me. If a women is your peace then a man should be my provider and protector something most black men lack.

[@C_CZ2]

Ebony is single but I hear your divorced three times over and all three men were the "bus driver". Stop that CAP!

[@soblessed4844]

👏🏽👏🏽🎯🙌🏽

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

And she clearly STILL hasn't learned smh.

[@bobbyschannel349]

Yeah but ebony divorced from a very successful white man, and she broke off another engagement with another. There you go

[@cherylpgh9155]

So the very black and white nature of this convo is making me uncomfortable. I have several graduate degrees and was married to a factory worker almost 30 years. He, and later men who I’ve dated, were more uncomfortable being with me than I them. The ex constantly wanted to make me small so I seldom ever talked about my work or accomplishments. When I started dating later it was the same. “This is a nice house and car but do you know how to be a woman?” (Direct quote!) I’ve now met a man with similar education and career trajectory and our work is the last thing we talk about! I didn’t seek him out for his credentials but I’m not missing having to feel like I need to shrink my accomplishments. It’s my reality and that of so many women I know. This isn’t just a woman’s issue. And no-I don’t have “masculine energy” whatever that is. If my mere success gives you that vibe it’s not a me problem.

[@VirtuosoSoul925]

Cheryl I wrote something similar!!! I think Eboni needed to provided more context regarding the “why” not just leave it hanging! Iyanla needed to ask probing questions and go beyond the surface to inquire about WHY?

[@zco6310]

I believe the whole masculine energy is a new window to sell more books. Some of the black males are in prison, gangs are unemployed. If they will put as much energy to the males and leave the woman alone maybe the males will step up.

[@lenaprice6239]

@@VirtuosoSoul925 I'm not sure what you mean by providing context regarding the "why." Perhaps you should google, "Eboni Williams luxury condo in Manhattan." After you watch that video, you will understand why Eboni cannot and will not date a bus driver, or any working class man.

[@VirtuosoSoul925]

@@lenaprice6239 thanks I didn’t know of Eboni previously but I still think context matters!

[@lenaprice6239]

@@VirtuosoSoul925 Did you see the video of her luxury condo in lower Manhattan, located at the four seasons on the 68th floor?That's the context.

[@mattiepierson2756]

I side with Eboni! Why work hard to have that lifestyle, just to settle?! No thank you 😊

[@bobbyschannel349]

Men do it all the time . they don't mind, that's why successful men would never choose a middle-aged woman like ebony.

[@PlayfulJoyful]

24:30 Iyanla said nothing against Kevin Samuels. This man has never defending black women against constant attacks from the manosphere.

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

Tuh. GOD took care of that...'problem'. 😩

[@SW654F2011]

I want to hear Eboni and Iyanla have a follow up convo

[@lumedeon8471]

Nope! Eboni should not entertain Iyanla or feel the need to defend her life choices and standards.

[@ryanyoung9202]

@@lumedeon8471 ☝️- THIS RIGHT HERE

[@mzbrown6969]

You should never consort with a Picme for it only lowers your value even if they are an elder

[@TaylorNicole_]

Why? Iyanla set her up then misrepresented her point. Eboni should interview the author of "Is marriage for white people"

[@summersolstice247247]

Have you watched the first conversation in its entirety?

[@soblessed4844]

But your ex-husband that you chose who was low earning, you publicly embarrassed on the Oprah Winfrey Show, stating that “He has no money!” In the end, he ended up taking half of your money and sleeping with your best friend! Tell the whole truth! 🙄

[@hmmm2564]

Ooop

[@ntitus3025]

Aaaannnnd she also said she wouldn't marry again because the court decides what she has to give up should she divorce and her coins are for her children, and she's serious about that! So while she protecting her assets she out here telling women to date down or not look at earnings. She lost ALLLL my respect!

[@soblessed4844]

@@ntitus3025 🙋🏽‍♀️me too!

[@sparr5132]

It's called you live and your learn, thus wisdom

[@theajayieffect]

​@@sparr5132😂😂😂😂😂

[@TresJolie7]

Eboni said nothing wrong, get over it.

[@RS33381]

These are the elders that screwed our generation up. Iyanla want us to be in our divine feminine while being the breadwinners (i.e.masculine trait). She totally contradicts herself many times during this whole debacle. She claims we should love w/o conditions, meanwhile she ready to prenup her marriage if she marries down. Isn’t that a condition? Girl get a grip

[@mekichey129]

Black women are Men in skirts and gutter snipes... BM are just misunderstood

[@fixthatface483]

Exactly😂😂😂

[@jt4953]

I wholeheartedly appreciate these comments…it shows that while Kevin Samuels was talking, black women continued growing without the desperation and rush to “find a man.” We’ve found healing, self satisfaction and most importantly rest and peace ☮️ You couldn’t ask for a better page turn.

[@lumedeon8471]

Iyanla, you dated broke men who weren’t on your level academically, career wise or financially. It didn’t work out for you. You have multiple divorces and failed relationships in your wake and are single in your 60’s. Why should anyone listen to your dating advice??????

[@ryanyoung9202]

☝️- JACKPOT !!!!

[@shirl100000]

That part!!!

[@RS33381]

Whewwww! Say it again!!!

[@amieklein6043]

That part! She wants us just as lonely as her!

[@therealkoolaidandkale]

I just made this same comment. She needs to just stick to her affirmations or what have you. 😩

[@rr3901]

Most people don’t mind a bus driver with good character as long as he doesn’t have an inferiority complex. Also…I’m sure Eboni meant owner of the company. Most buses are apart of the company fleet.🤔

[@tammymorgan5348]

Right AND Iyanla didn't give Eboni any other traits than bus driver. She responded with the information she was given.

[@mzbrown6969]

Iylanla is playing games and bingo those who have a reaction to this have an inferiority complex

[@singlemamanodrama4546]

Good character doesn't pay the bills or keep the kids fed.

[@1111ScorpQueen]

Well done ladies💜 especially black women for not becoming brainwashed into struggled love👌🏾

[@mahoganymuffin2628]

I'm really proud of the ladies in these comments. ❤

[@1111ScorpQueen]

@@mahoganymuffin2628 Me too.

[@dollabill8850]

Yall realize average black man income is higher than average black woman? Stop talking to thugs and then claim ur being asked "to struggle"

[@fixthatface483]

@@dollabill8850 it’s literally only $3k higher. Is it higher than white, Asian or Indian men’s salary? Don’t worry, I’ll wait🙃

[@dollabill8850]

@@fixthatface483 is black women's higher than white/asian/Indian women? Ur changing the goalposts

[@cassandragalloway7475]

I hope there is a discussion on black men that make it to a certain financial level and only want women on that level. Is it ok for them to do that?

[@mzbrown6969]

No her internalized misogyny wouldn't dare

[@gracebayclt5511]

Exactly. Only when they reach that level they will accept a non black woman with no where near what they have achieved. Yet Iyanla and Steve Perry have the nerve to speak negatively about Eboni K. Williams being clear about her requirements.

[@KourtKhronicles]

When BM get money, they don’t even look at black women. BM with money turn their nose up at BW & go for “preferences.” They CANOT be mad when black women with money don’t want them. I hope they go marry their beloved preferences with real hair. 👰🏻👰🏼👰🏻‍♂️ We’re GOOD.✌🏾

[@mekichey129]

Or BM choosing Non Black women even from poor rungs i.e. Kobe and 70% of black athletes....

[@ijeonu2405]

​@meki chey1 tiger woods and nanny wife. Show me a black celeb man who dated/married a bw of lower social educational and financial status

[@consciousluv]

How did you hear that Iyanla she is a successful woman and she requested to have someone on her social & economic level.

[@bobbyschannel349]

Because you're not always going to get that. And as a result, you must understand that you will be dying alone

[@MahoganyGlaze]

Ladies date who you want! And good luck to you all 💜

[@ghostsaintpatrick3959]

At a marriage rate of 20% no one is checking for you 😂 😊

[@ladyofrage22]

Now Iyanla... I'm not even going to watch this because I'm over the topic. I watched the conversation between you and Eboni, and you not only dodged her original question, but you proved her correct on why marrying a bis driver wouldn't be ideal for her. You said yourself that you'd have money stashed away and have a prenup ready for him. My question is, why?? If he's so full of integrity, just LOVES driving buses and respects you and his mama too, why would you feel the need to hide your money and present him with a prenup? Those were your words and they don't make sense to me at all. If the bus driver is so happy with his job he LOVES it, why are you stashing away some of your money? He shouldn't want it- he has integrity (high morals) remember? He respects you AND his mom, so presenting this bus driving man with a prenup seems selfish- don't you think? Smh You wouldn't have said you'd stash some of your money or have a prenup for him if a bus driver was the ideal man for you. That's all I wanted to tell you. Have a day.

[@Flower.Power.1996]

Iyanla is not trying to hear any of that sis. None of these male identified women are.

[@ladyofrage22]

@@Flower.Power.1996 unfortunately, your words are true.

[@mahoganymuffin2628]

Great points!!

[@MylezNevison]

The problem is people aren't dating people, they are dating their ideas(standards) instead... Relationships are mirrors, so prepare for how you measure your desired partners to be how you get measured in return... When you measure/qualify a man by his external status and money; expect for the men you attract to measure/qualify you by your externalities like weight, beauty, age and ability to have kids. Superficial attracts(Reflects) Superficial.

[@ThinWaistedPrimaDonna]

No, the problem is that blk men are failures so Blk Women must leave you behind to have the life that BLk women deserve.

[@Erika-be9hq]

Yep 👍🏾

[@KatinaBlue]

You spoke nothing but facts.

[@Diligently2U]

Postal Worker 👋🏼 Here .... I love you Ms. Iyanla.. Im still doing my best to do the work. Ms. Iyanla no worries...Those that know you, know you are all about 💕 Love & Spiritually Growth

[@tmcneal6]

I’ve dated two bus drivers. Both were actually making over $100,000 a yr. No student loan debt, w pension, excellent benefits. And used their CDL’s have party buses, transportation services and ect. They were both wanted kids. I had my kids young so done I’m with that. Hope ladies stop liking simply at titles and you’d be surprised what you find. No joke. I was married 24yrs..back out here. I use the traditional method of dating. There are some awesome men out here!

[@mzbrown6969]

Why isn't there conversations about our men striving to meet the level of women

[@rstdot]

Iyanla also believes that men should choose partners based on their goodness/personality

[@mzbrown6969]

@@rstdot lol that's cool but whole foods don't accept that as a method of payment at their stores

[@gracebayclt5511]

I don’t think Iyanla believes they can. I remember her son being employed on her show and her son in law employed with her business. She must know they aren’t capable of providing for themselves or rising to the level of an Eboni K. Williams.

[@mekichey129]

@@rstdot Iyanla life is a contradiction

[@mzbrown6969]

@@gracebayclt5511 I think you are on to something. Rather than taking accountability for her shortcomings as a mom, it's just easier for her ego to accept that black men's default setting is mediocrity.

[@consciousluv]

Have a conversation w Cyn G Ms Iyanla

[@marivelramos4640]

We should never forget that we could be riding high in April and shot down in May. No one is on top all the time. Life happens to all of us.

[@theabundantaries5419]

I think people should date who they want to date if he makes you happy and puts you as a priority don’t let society turn you into a money focused woman because let’s be honest there are not a lot of men who are even able to provide you a high value lifestyle and the ones who are probably scared to date now 😂😂😂

[@fosthedoll]

There will never be a shortage of established men and I’m actually happy that middle class is becoming less so that I’m able to weed them out faster

[@theabundantaries5419]

@@fosthedoll I’m not saying there is a shortage but there is a difference between a man who is able to provide and a man who is willing to provide

[@tiffanyc.32]

1. It’s dangerous and irresponsible to push the narrative that Black women are masculine. Your energy is becoming very opportunistic to me. 2. You’re 69 and past retirement age. You’ve made your wealth so you can date a bus driver or someone retired for that matter. Eboni is still building and wants children.

[@lumedeon8471]

Not Perry acting like only a dirty man on public transportation lights up when he FaceTimes with his wife and kid.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 He and Auntie need to stop trolling so hard

[@ChakaKhanian]

I look forward to the new generation of young black girls and women and am excited that they will make better choices than those of us who were taught we were 'expecting too much from black men' when we expressed our super basic expectations.

[@Kinggucc]

Idk if you aware but this generation is way worse .. more single mothers and father .. and more men being degenerates .. so unless yall plan if marrying women .. the transition of “ getting better men “ wont go the way you think .. the same men Yall complain about is being raised by a single mother .. and this is growing in all races

[@loveself6396]

@@Kinggucc So all the millions of men enrolling in Ivy League schools will be degenerate? Just say you never left your block and go.

[@memebzk5001]

Shout to you ladies that will date a bus driver.. Good luck with that!

[@DrJackisChannel]

I have dated men who make a lot less money than me. I was fine with it but found that they were insecure and intimidated so no I will never do it again. No I would never date a bus driver nor will I ever date below my income level again.

[@djTorchLive]

"Class Marriages" have been going on forever. I noticed Iyanla you have no problem with other races further practicing this. However, you have an issue with a well educated and well off Black Woman stating what her standards are. I have also seen you try to change cheating Men and Criminals with no positive results for the Black Women in their lives, these Men destroyed. It has been said YOUR OWN life had been turned upside down by a Man who wasn't at your level as well. It baffles me you take this position. What happened to you?

[@jman1562001]

If you watch the live she mentioned how she was physically abused her former husband and raped at a young age. The issue of molestation and physical abuse needs to be addressed collectively because they are at the root of the problem in our interactions as men and women.

[@iamDavidaRose]

Well said

[@bronzetogold8940]

Bruh, your literally known for going through different videos and criticizing any woman who holds Blk Women accountable for anything they do. The pandering to get female subscribers needs to stop.

[@djTorchLive]

@@bronzetogold8940 "Bruh" I bet you had no problem with Kevin Samuels talking crap about Black Women even though he dogged out his Ex Wife. You support deadbeats so your comments are null and void additionally your comment proves my point about Black Men pulling down Black Women. However, I'm glad you let me know that I'm now famous for exposing Dusty Dudes in the Manosphere.

[@Alexandrias.Washington]

White women can set their standards higher because White men are at the very top of the socioeconomic hierarchy! Please learn economics before you put Black men in a bracket they don’t fit in!

[@HeatherBae9]

The caller that said the MAN needs to make $100k but she doesn’t need to is EXACTLY the problem with a lot of y’all’s preferences!

[@yellowbears1]

I'm here for the comments, and they didn't disappoint 👏🏾. Black women unanimously are not here for the struggle love.

[@soblessed4844]

🤣😂🤣Are they talking about modern-day, black men in today’s society?! 🤔Or is she referring to the men in her generation? 👴🏿Ladies continue to level up and know your worth! It is not a black woman’s job to build a man up! 🧘🏾

[@Faryn]

Think you meant cognitive dissonance. But go off.

[@bobbyschannel349]

Level up.. Die alone though.

[@Quettasbedhead]

You blindsided Eboni with that question! You know darn well she meant ownership of the bus company 🙄

[@sparr5132]

Give me a break, Eboni is an attorney by trade

[@Erika-be9hq]

@@sparr5132 exactly. She’s used to being on the spot. If she meant the bus company she could have said that.

[@fosthedoll]

And if she felt that she wanted full or co ownership of the bus company so what? Alot of men take ownership over your bödies for 0 investment then park you right back in the yöutube comment section to learn again from me. You can accept how many buscrumbs you want but you don’t get a reward for trying to discourage women specifically Afras from being high maintenance and snòbby. There should never be shame placed on us ladies for wanting the best + to feel comfortable + protected and provided. Everyone should be against desperâtion