Would YOU Want to Know if Your Spouse is Cheating? Let's discuss

[@niquolthespiana275]

Honestly, if all married women would focus all their anger on the husband who betrayed him, I think more women would come forward.

[@88QueenOfHearts]

Yes. I have an autoimmune disease and catching a STI will affect me far worse than someone who doesn't have an autoimmune disease. I take my health very seriously and fear catching something, to the point I have taken men out of the dating pool, because I can not trust them.

[@ZenzoSezSo]

As a woman, I'd want to know. For the woman who's in this dilemma, if she is going to tell, I hope she stays safe. Some of these men completely lose it when they are exposed and see their indiscretion as the fault of everyone else but themselves.

[@daughterofsarah2793]

Why am I not surprised that the guy friend said to stay out of it? That is very typical. Men are grateful if someone told them if their wife cheated them but let it be the other way around and they will tell you to stay out of it.

[@WendyDrayke]

@@daughterofsarah2793 men cover for other men.

[@jaeshasway]

They protect each other. 😒

[@The_Whimsical_Avoidant]

Right. She needs to toss that friend in the trash.

[@floofdecat]

If they are poly, the wife/girlfriend won’t care is she contacts her. Might say have a good time with him or whatever. If they are separated, wife will say she doesn’t care. Men always give the worst advice because they’re protecting cheating.

[@ccannon1]

I would want to know but some people are SUPER weird about finding out their partner is cheating. “Don’t shoot the messenger” is real. Some women attack you, rather than their spouse and the entire story is “this B tried to break up our marriage.” Finally, the man can get violent so be safe either way.

[@PixelatedKylieee]

I agree there are some women u cannot say anything negative about their man, I believe deep down they know n someone else completely unrelated to her in any way is confirming what she deep down alr knows.

[@carlahaiduk1878]

​@@PixelatedKylieee exactly, plus the couple finds a new strong bond they have a common enemy that is the whistleblower. No, thanks.

[@cbc-h5g]

​​@@PixelatedKylieee What if woman was gaslighted even if she deep down knew about it. Or the other reason she second guessing herself? I would definitely wanna know, and I would definitely would tell, and if they would be angry at me then I would also have zero regrets for loosing them as friends or business partners

[@AdelTheForsaken]

I don't understand not wanting to know if your spouse is betraying you! I want to know so I can get gone! That level of betrayal is Unforgivable, personally.

[@BurbNBougie]

It is unforgivable! 😔

[@niquolthespiana275]

My theory is that those people don’t want to know because they have no intentions of leaving, and once they do know then it becomes harder to lie to yourself and especially when others know as well.

[@belleoftheball7634]

Yes, we'd want to know, but many DO NOT want to know. That's why people grapple with telling them. It becomes tedious. I feel bad for the stress this has caused the OP.

[@femmefatale71]

And DEADLY

[@The_Whimsical_Avoidant]

I've been on SO many Reddit and FB threads where women told other women to mind their business and that she was just jealous because the cheating man is married and didn't pick her. Absolutely disgusting.

[@manons6984]

Years ago I was in a relationship with a guy for 2.5 years, found out he cheated on me with a girl that also was in a committed relationship. I called her boyfriend and told him. 😊 He was thankful. Ex boyfriend and the girl were raging and to this day, I regret nothing.

[@ghettogreenbeann]

Omg your comment made me giggle when I reached the raging part. LOL those two are raging losers. Im glad you did that. You're an inspiration

[@--Ezra--]

Good. That's how it supposed to be. Let them rage all life long 😂😂😂

[@jillcampbell3510]

My parents had affairs, and I recommend telling the wife.If not for her, then for the kids because they definitely deserve better. Infidelity absolutely affects the kids.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@susanlovesjava4961]

For the kids? Do think the kids have the ability to leave the situation, do anything about it, or even understand?

[@jillcampbell3510]

@susanlovesjava4961 what ii meant was hopefully the wife will take the kids out of that situation if she knows. Believe me when I say that it's affecting the kids already.

[@Dreacantfly]

Yes, I'd want to know. Life is too short to be living a lie.

[@MsVakong]

I'd certainly want to know. I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone who doesn't love me. I'd rather be alone than with a cheater!.

[@Lee-ks1en]

I worked in law enforcement. I became friends with several of my male co-workers wives. I became best friends with one and asked her if she wanted me to tell her if I found out her husband was cheating (almost all of them were). She said no. So I didn’t. But I distanced myself from her. Also, my then husband told all his friends not to bring their outside chicks around me or let me find out they were cheating. I don’t keep secrets. I would ALWAYS want to know. If I find out you knew and didn’t tell me, we could no longer be friends.

[@em7937]

Wow, the way they protect eachother. They do the same when they know one of them graped some woman! Sickening!

[@carlahaiduk1878]

Every time I saw the situation in real life, where real friends tell the cheated partner that they saw the cheating happening , it backfired. The couples Stayed together, and the Good Samaritan friend lost the friendship of the couple and the friends of the couple. Which is okay if they are only friends. However there were situations where people had businesses involved. No good deed goes unpunished. The wife may be a pick me , which is a great chance because she's already married and have kids so she is not ready for a single life. I have seen the scenario unfold four times in my life. The four times the girlfriend/wife stayed. The couple stayed together and the person who told the truth about the cheating lost friends and peace of mind. I know it's not the answer you want to read but that's what happened.

[@maam-yj8ph]

You can't control what people will do with the truth. It's more about living your own principles and doing what you feel is right.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@beardpapa12]

I'd consider losing them as friends as a plus. Pickmes are not people you can trust when it comes to dangerous men and I couldn't respect a cheater. If the pickme finally wakes up and says "Oh woe is me, I need help now that the man ran away with sidepiece," I'd be "Shoo! Go away!"

[@missp498]

​@BurbNBougie I wouldn't if I was happy. If I was blissfully unaware I would be happy to stay that way and never know. Some women also know but they don't want their financial situation to change so they ignore it. So I reckon keep out of other people's business

[@TheArtPaige]

I would not want to be friends with anyone who knew my partner was cheating on me and didn't tell me.

[@blissedout5859]

I don’t want to waste my time, therefore I would definitely want to know so I can plan and move accordingly!

[@maam-yj8ph]

4B = the ultimate drama free life.

[@rikkicmgs]

SET THAT WOMAN FREE I would want to know. IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING. Cheaters are often reckless risk takers, bringing “something” home. This is a DEADLY BETRAYAL. He’s consciously endangering her health & her life. Not ok.

[@Greenplanet949]

I wanted to know so I dug in and confirmed my suspicions.

[@stephaniemartin9253]

With killer cooties out there, YES, I would want to know. I don’t want to take any daily meds other than vitamin D. Being sick is EXPENSIVE, EXHAUSTING, and EMOTIONALLY draining. Not debatable for me.

[@BabaYagaKostianayaNoga]

I would create a fake profile to message the wife. That way the OP stays safe if the husband wants revenge. I would screenshot the FB dating profile and send it to her. Personally, that’s all I would need to end a marriage. If he tries to say that’s not him, it’s a catfish, then ask for his phone on the spot. Look for apps that hide other apps as those do exist.

[@jdbailey442]

This a a good idea. Otherwise, I would keep my mouth shut.

[@RedDeadReverie]

It’s better to have the truth confirmed than to be gaslit into thinking you’re jealous or crazy. And you will drive yourself crazy digging for the truth to prove you’re not overreacting

[@catbaloo22]

This question reminds me of a KZbin video I came across some time ago of a woman who was reacting to the discovery of her husband cheating. She calmly told him they were going to stay together and continue to build on the good life they have established for themselves and their children but they were not phucking any more. She was going to seek out someone else to fulfill the needs she would not be getting from their new marital arrangement and she hopes he will do the same. I think cheating is just another bit of information used in making a determination of how to move in your best interest. For som it is a 100% deal breaker for others it is a major deal changer.

[@beardpapa12]

I remember that. He had multiple affairs but was totally melting down at the thought of HER having some slice of strange on the side. She was having none of that. He got to have fun and now she was. I felt a mixture of "I'd just ditch his ass" when it came to her and "Now you know how it feels" when it came to him.

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

Definitely tell the wife, but do it with caution. - Be prepared for the wife to lash out at YOU for breaking her illusion. She’ll probably blame YOU for trying to break up her “happy home”. - Make sure you’re on guard, safe and protected in case the guy turns v1olent. If he has a lot to lose if he gets a divorce, he’ll turn on YOU and possibly take it too far. There are tons of stories of men who unalived their mistress or potential mistress for telling on them to the wife.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@Jennifer_Lewis_Beach_Living]

@ Yes. The trust issue is bad enough, but I’m more worried about STIs, including the big ones (HPV, HIV). I’ll take the information that I receive and investigate it to see whether the guy is a dirty dog or the woman is being vengeful and lying about the relationship.

[@rtphotos4691]

I noticed that dudes always say "don't tell because they may be open, separated, blah, blah, blah" when it's a woman being cheated on. When it's a man, they would not hesitate to call the wife a "304" and everything else under the sun. They come out with "bro's gotta look out for each other, blah, blah, blah." They rarely hold other men accountable, even when they don't even know them!

[@anthill1510]

Whatever she decides: This whole situation is not on her. She doesn`t have to loose sleep over this, she can take her time to decide what to do. Just for anyone else who was or is in that situation: Whatever you decide is ok, because this is not your responsibility to bear.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@anthill1510]

@@BurbNBougie I would want to know, but I wouldn`t blame her for not telling me, either. As I said: This is not on her.

[@BurbNBougie]

I get that. But the discussion question I was having is if the women here would want to know

[@anthill1510]

@@BurbNBougie Well, I was commenting on another aspect of this topic that I think is relevant, too. Is this a youtube comment section or a homework assignement where I have to answer the right question? This is getting weird.

[@BurbNBougie]

Nah. It isn't a test. I was just getting a feel for where women were and if they'd want to know.

[@kyrabarr2846]

I feel that it can be very dangerous telling someone about someone else's relationship. Worst case scenario the person might get upset with a person who told, and take out their revenge on the person who exposed their infidelity. It has to be each person's decision on if they decide to share or not what they saw or where they saw it. If there is a way for a person to share with discretion and to protect their anonymity absolutely, but putting yourself in the middle of someone else's marital drama can be very disastrous for your mental and physical health.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@beardpapa12]

I'd tell her but would be prepared for her to be in denial. If she's cool because she strongly suspected it and thanks me for the confirmation, I'd consider it a bonus. However, either way, I'd think "I did my best" and would have a clear conscience about it.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@beardpapa12]

@@BurbNBougie I would want to know because 1) I don't want any disease and 2) I can't trust someone who can lie to my face every single minute. Also I notice a lot of these guys spend mad money on entertaining affair partners and hookups, often a lot of the money was earned by the wife.

[@honeyartstudios]

I can see why a woman wouldn’t want to know but at the end of the day, it is our trust they take for granted. If you give them heart, body and soul - plus time and resources - and they can’t reciprocate, let it go. They’re no longer worth the effort.

[@belleoftheball7634]

I no longer let people know their man is tryna creep. The last woman i revealed this to had a problem with the truth. Screenshots and everything. I no longer care. They love being fools and think every woman is simply jealous and trying to ruin their "relationship."

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know your spouse is cheating?

[@belleoftheball7634]

​@BurbNBougie of course, but people love lies, not the truth. I'm not stressing myself out like the OP tryna tell people and only receiving hate. 🙄

[@BurbNBougie]

I used that lady as a jump off to the discussion. I wanted to know if most women want to know. So many women hang wring bc they think the woman will get mad. But I theorized many women are shifting and not just staying just to say that they have a man.

[@belleoftheball7634]

I was divorced in 2005. I don't do lies and dont stick around for nonsense. I'm not using this channel for therapy. Ive been jumped and ostracized for saying all the same things women are saying now 30 yrs ago. I just like your channel. Also, it's good to see women coming around. Better late than never.🤷🏾‍♀️ It's disheartening tho to try to warn and help women, but the reactions made me just start blocking the dude and moving on.

[@BurbNBougie]

I hope no one is using this for therapy. I'm wanting to hear personal perspectives. That's why I'm asking.

[@ShanaJahsintaWalters]

I won't tell any of my girlfriends that their man is cheating if I already know she will end our friendship for being the whistle blower. Thank God none of my girlfriends are like this.

[@jdbailey442]

THIS! I have kept my mouth shut. When they circled back to ask me why I said nothing I let them know that I knew losing our friendship would be a possibility.

[@anthill1510]

I would base my decision about what to do if I can live with the fallout if they make me the bad guy. Imagine worst case scenario what will happen when you tell the wife and it backfires. Are you ok with taking that outcome? If yes, than tell her. Otherwise protect yourself and stay out of it.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@anthill1510]

​@@BurbNBougie Uhm, you replied the exact same thing to my three comments and for two of them this question doesn`t fit. I mean I understand wanting to push engagement, I don`t know what to think of it, though. For this comment it really doesn`t matter at all if I would want to know if I would be in the wife`s place. This is about the third person doing what`s best for THEM, not what`s best for the wife or what I would like if I would be in her place.

[@BurbNBougie]

I was just going thru the comments asking the same question. I didn't mean to ask you 3 times. The premise of my post is in the title and the thumbnail. So I was trying to get personal perspectives from that stance.

[@anthill1510]

@@BurbNBougie oh, ok

[@BurbNBougie]

I see now that I'm talking to you on two threads. Sorry about that

[@Furnominal]

Idk, they have a Bro-Code that they will never tell on each other ever. Maybe we should have a Girl-Code that says we ALWAYS tell on em.

[@JB-bl6qo]

I absolutely would wanna know if my partner is cheating on me actually a long time ago when I was like 18 I was told by my ex-boyfriend sister that he was cheating on me from the beginning of our relationship and we were only dating like six months in and she told me and everybody tried to gaslight me like oh she’s only 13. What does she know but I’m like this girl is super smart and she’s not stupid so she had gotten in trouble for interfering, but I wasn’t mad at her and I kind of felt bad so I took her out to make her feel better. Eventually, I broke up with a dude two months later because I found all the evidence so yeah, I honestly wish I would’ve left as soon as she told me, but I also felt like people were gaslighting me saying that it’s dumb to break up because what a little girl said.

[@AeriaGl0ris]

I'd want to know. Life's too short to spend it living a lie and my health is more important than a man's pantsfeels and ego.

[@tayarianna]

Hell yes! Theres too many diseases out here for me to NOT know. I want to choice to get out.

[@MadCatLady28]

I would say that the vast majority of your followers would want to know. Women who wrap their identity up in their relationship status do not want to know and will shoot the messenger. For me, I would probably tell because it's a lot easier for a stranger to take the bullet than a friend of the woman. What she does with that information is entirely up to her and you don't have any skin in the game. ETA: that last part about the "choice" not being good either way is true. But hard choices like this define who we are and I would rather be the woman who tells than a woman who helps a cheating man decieve his partner.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

I would want to know asap. There were a lot of married men on dating apps. And i really hate the way they talk about their wives. Men are so annoying. Back then I never thought to find their wife & tell her. Some of the men hid their faces unless you match with them. And that person made a good point about ENM/poly. Now that I think of it, the amount of “poly” men wayy outnumbered poly women. Their profiles also tended to be more open about their set up

[@Geospasmic]

Even if you don't want to know, you should know because of diseases and possible other pregnancies. Both of those are going to affect you.

[@Educat3d_Godd3ss]

I would definitely want to know. Uh STD’s, outside children, drama etc nobody got time for that. Probably why I’m not dating now 😂 I have peace every single time I’m single and when I try dating or relationships the xy’s are HELL. Not worth my sanity.

[@Smw006]

If I'm ever in a relationship - seems highly unlikely at this point - but I would want to know so I could end the relationship and get my health tested for STIs and STDs.

[@vibrantnubian27]

Yes I absolutely would want to know so I can know how to move next! I’m so sick of these cheating pos! Both men AND women! If you can stay faithful DON’T GET IN A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE! It’s not that hard

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

I would want to know. She can always send them to her and leave it at that. HE’S the one that’s in a marriage so it’s HIS fault for any fallout that happens.

[@nikicarrie4071]

The man will just lie about it and call you a liar .he will m a manipulate the situation

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know though

[@nikicarrie4071]

@BurbNBougie i would but I doubt h e tells the truth. He will make his partner feel crazy

[@BurbNBougie]

That's not what I'm asking. If a woman found out a man on a dating app was married, and the wife happened to be you, would you want to know? I'm not asking if a cheater will continue to lie to cover his tracks. Would you want to know

[@nikicarrie4071]

@@BurbNBougie i did say i would want to know hopefully her self esteem is high enough when she finds out

[@Maybe-cg2tn]

I would want to know. Some women choose to believe it isn't happening even when told and have proof. Just don't really understand that type of thinking. Maybe it's just desperation ?

[@The_Whimsical_Avoidant]

I told a woman once that her man was cheating on her with me. Obviously I didn't know while I was with him but I picked up on it within 4 months of talking and 3 dates. What did she do? Changed her profile picture to a couples photo of the two of them and they solidified their relationship with a fb "in a relationship" status. Lol This woman is a successful multimillionaire and this dude is a big fat joke. The kicker is, I found out that he cheated on his ex wife and basically been cheating since he started dating all together. 🤮

[@missp498]

I say stay out of it too. He will get caught. You do not need to involve yourself. Move on. He will definitely get caught. Cheating blows up peoples lives. You won't get thanks.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would you want to know

[@missp498]

I would not. ​@@BurbNBougie

[@TheArtPaige]

That's a recipe on how monogamous/married women get STDs and HIV. Not knowing comes at a high price that most women pay with their lives.

[@ShanaJahsintaWalters]

Hell yes I want to know.

[@anthill1510]

I would base my decision about what to do if I can live with the fallout if they make me the villain. Imagine worst case scenario what will happen when you tell the wife and it backfires. Are you ok with taking that outcome? If yes, than tell her. Otherwise protect yourself and stay out of it.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@trisha1989]

I would definitely want to know…❤

[@jdeux3677]

Yes. I want to know

[@twiggalloway1]

Is definitely want to know and I’d definitely tell!!!

[@ShanaJahsintaWalters]

When he cheats on me, you bet I am going to cheat back.

[@EuphemiaWisdom]

I would want to know and i would be inclined to tell her...

[@rn2787]

The only reason I never say, wish, or think about ruining their career is that then we'd have to support him and, in all likelihood, his ex-wife and kids. However, I take great joy in my ex getting all worked up because he got his 🐓🚫 by work a billion times. Unfortunately, at first, I would forget to hang up before the weird, uncomfortable, and inappropriate bs about his lifestyle, health, his nonstop vortex of attention-seeking, and his lack of intentions. I can ignore most of my ex's bs, but as any parent, especially mothers, know that you have to shut down whatever madness was about to unfold

[@elipotter369]

I would want to know. I like to deal with reality and am uncomfortable being around cheaters. But many others would prefer to stick by their man, no matter how bad he is, and will hate & turn on any messengers, and even align and unite with the bad partner in hating the outside helper.

[@bridgetb9899]

Yes. My husband cheated for years ...I wish someone sent me screenshots.

[@MissSothePeacefulObserver]

I'm always conflicted about this, because there so seem to be more poly couples than ever before. I used to be on a server for bi folks, and a lot of the couples were poly (even if one of the spouses was straight). I'm always wary of getting involved if I don't know a couple's true status with each other. I think I would be worried that the husband might do something to the wife, if I went to her and "reported" him. So many husbands are deleting their wives once she files for divorce, that I'd worry I had triggered something. Husbands have been losing their minds a lot lately. There are stories in the news every day now. But that's me. I can't speak for what anyone else should do.

[@--Ezra--]

She should tell the wife. He is a liar and a cheater.

[@TMFJ747]

Off rip, hell yes. Wth 🤦🏿‍♀️

[@onycagayle4485]

🎉😊

[@tylergood3773]

❤❤❤

[@ndiyavonnnemesis8251]

I would absolutely stay the hell out of it. The burden doesnt lie on her. Imagine losing sleep over a marriage that isnt yours more than the man who is actually married. Her concern to tell the wife shows her moral integrity but they've only had a couple conversations and after she discovered he's a creep thats married she blocked him. Let it go. If he's on fb and THAT bold to be on a fb dating app knowing HE'S marred then its a great chance that if she doesn't know indefinitely his wife already suspects it. Many women get upset at the other woman and oftentimes they'll still stay in the marriage regardless. She says shes blocked him so block him completely and leave it be.

[@BurbNBougie]

Would YOU want to know?

[@CupidsHouseOfCards]

100%. As someone who's been married before (I filed) I would bet money the wife already knows or at least suspects. THIS is why people lash out. When they think they're the only one that knows, they can live in their delusion. When a stranger reveals that other people know too, it bursts their bubble. At best, this woman sexted with a stranger for a few days. It's not like they were in a relationship. She wasn't his "side piece". She doesn't owe either of them anything. She's already blocked him. Just continue to protect her peace and be done with it.

[@BurbNBougie]

So Cupid, did you want it confirmed or no? Would YOU want to know for sure?

[@BurbNBougie]

When I was cheated on, I had no clue.

[@ndiyavonnnemesis8251]

@@BurbNBougie I would want to know if my husband was cheating but I wouldn't expect another woman to go out her way to tell me nor would I fault another woman if they didn't say anything. She did her duty by leaving him alone once she discovered he was married.