How to tell your family you're autistic // Q&A

[@lindseywong9667]

Its almost like you have to have good social skills to explain yourself to others when your telling them you have a condition with social deficits.

[@pearlahern2316]

Memorizing 50 scripts for conversation is great until someone uses pattern #51 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Aygostface]

@@pearlahern2316 and they always use pattern #51.

[@SueLyons1]

Ironic, huh

[@davidtolle9533]

@@Aygostface definitely feels that way sometimes lolol

[@BlackCover95]

“Gotta spend money to make money”, or something.

[@euanelliott3613]

I didn't have to tell my family...we are all autistic! Hereditary blessing.

[@SonofTheMorningStar666]

🥳

[@codenandrews2924]

😭my fam is prolly all over the place on the neurodivergent spectrum, but v. high masking

[@NIGHTBLOODUSAGI]

XD my entire family is probably neurodivergent, like God my mom reminds me of adhd so much, and since my family is so unbelievably crazy and just..different it'd make sense

[@Lydia-l5n]

We found out my brother was autistic around 5 years ago I think... About 2 years ago we found out my dad was autistic, and about one year ago we found out my sister was autistic. I've taken several online tests that say I'm autistic, but my parents say I'm fine. If I try to bring the subject up to them, they assume I'm talking about it because my siblings are getting "all the attention" and I'm feeling left out. I'm scared to tell them because I might get shot down, or they might actually take me to get tested and find out I'm not autistic and then I'll feel really, really stupid. Sometimes being in an autistic family doesn't make telling people you're autistic easy.

[@simikatra3434]

My family, parent, siblings are taking it as a personal insult. That I am going through the assessment, we are no longer on even speaking terms as a result. It's a very difficult time, fortunately, I have three young adult son's who are all very supportive, very protective and are coming to terms that they all may be on the spectrum too. I am struggling and the waiting is the hardest part. Ty for your video.

[@puscifer99]

Same, I can relate. I haven't been to family event for nearly 5 years since the worry is that I will Autism to the other kids...

[@karenabrams8986]

Congrats on embracing yourself and getting real. I’m loving it. I went no contact with family 8 yrs ago that was angry over my refusal to play pretend with them anymore. Sucks but it’s what’s healthier for me. Playing pretend for someone to like or love me makes me sick and I won’t do it anymore. I’m at a point where either I’m accepted as is or not. If not that’s ok. I’m okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea. What’s unacceptable is a family member continuing to demand I conform to their fee fees and opinions about who I am regardless of my answer of Nope. Relationship over. So that means I quit my parents. That sucked but I’m healthier, less stressed and better at regulating...because I’m not stressed out all the time entertaining those assholes. I wish I’d ditched all the assholes much earlier.

[@katrinakollmann5265]

♡

[@emdarki]

I know you left this comment a year ago but I'm so sorry that's happened to you. I hope things are better for you now and you're able to surround yourself (maybe not physically because of Covid!) with people that love and accept you for who you are :) My own family are finding it difficult as well to accept my decision to seek a diagnosis as they think that "everyone is a bit autistic" ... I'll get there with them - fingers crossed...

[@skio147]

Ouch i feel this. Once i tried to explain a no longer have irl close friends my own mother still denies it and asks me top stop being me lol

[@emmawilkins5755]

After a lot of thinking about my differences and daily challenges I began to research autism. I'm fairly certain I am autistic and have now begun the assessment process. However upon telling my mum she immediately laughed and said I can't be autistic because I'm intelligent, have a good job, married etc. A colleague told me ' don't worry you don't appear autistic' and my husband said ' ah so you saw something in the internet and convinced yourself you have it'. I think they mean well but it just makes me feel I'm not believed and that somehow being autistic would be a bad thing.

[@ariannanicole4177]

That must hurt the most coming from your husband. I’m so sorry 💔. Thankfully my husband is very supportive and was willing to listen to why, he’s the only one I’ve told

[@Vivi-js9ib]

I am in the same spot, did they become supportive eventually?

[@emmawilkins5755]

@@Vivi-js9ib Yes! I actually received a formal diagnosis just 3 days ago! I think hearing it from a professional after several long in depth assessments they have accepted it. The first thing my husband did was hug me and said he loves me and this doesn't change that. I think the denial was maybe them trying to be kind in a weird way. My mum was surprised as she had a very outdated view of what Autism is. Id suggest asking them to watch some videos that explain it.

[@SueLyons1]

I'm.sorry you had an insensitive response

[@kayjay-kreations]

Same

[@strawberrybee9764]

My family refuses to accept let alone accommodate my autism at all. They all just believe i'm making excuses for not getting a job and whenever I try to explain myself they shut me down by saying everyone experiences it. All the close people around me say 'everyones a little bit autistic' and i don't know their intentions but it greatly invalidates me. I've had stims be compared to long term habits and addictions or my struggling social skills assumed that its just nerves and awkwardness. I've had one relative say i use my autism as an 'out of jail' card. To be honest I'm pissed off at almost all of them for looking down on me like i'm weak and that i'm just a lazy pos. The only people who seem to listen to me are my newfound friends that i've only known for a couple of months and they're already much more accepting and understanding than family and family friends.

[@ironyd]

I haven't told my family members because I feat that's how it will be. I'm just in my own little world.

[@NinjaCoto]

I'm really sorry to read this. I also relate to some of what you've said. I think a lot of ppl are stuck in "old thinking" where they say things like "just change your thinking, don't be so sensitive, everyone struggles..." etc and then also assume if you say "I'm struggling" they have to chime in as if you were saying "I am the ONLY one who struggles, no one else can struggle but me. Your lives are perfect!" When you're not saying that at all... it's not about them In certain spaces I legit learnt certain ppl like me as long as I keep to myself and don't share what's going on. That's a super unhealthy message to receive (not the case everywhere, but it happened at an important time and left a huge impact) It's really rough when you can't feel you have your family. I'm glad to read there are some open minded and accepting friends in your corner

[@ferrariramsgobrrr]

From my perspective as a late-diagnosed autistic (diagnosed at 29) who only came to realising that I should seek this diagnosis once I reached a point of extreme burnout - it is such an important thing not to force an autistic person to rush into the world of work without being properly supported. It's critical to take the time to understand your skills, your strengths, your support needs in the workplace, how many hours a week would be sustainable, what types of workplaces and work tasks are suitable etc. I hope your family can come to this realisation, because it's unfortunately a pretty common pattern for people like us to bounce around from job to job until we crash and burn, and THEN we (maybe) get people starting to listen to us and realise that maybe we aren't capable of maintaining a full time traditional job in a modern workplace. (And workplaces have gotten dramatically worse in the past few decades for autistic people in my opinion - the move to open plan office space, the 'fast-paced' environment which seems to be listed in EVERY job advert, the compulsory outside of hours social activities, the goddamn psychometric testing and team-building days, the lights, the noise, the increasing density of urban environments which make just getting to a workplace a sensory hell etc etc etc).

[@morandi9inna9marius]

@@ferrariramsgobrrr I'm 30 and self-diagnosed myself a few months ago. And it's hell of the environment I work in. I work in a shop but mostly with stuff for sale and I love it, I've been working here for 6 years. But this year they decided to change working hours and few months later they made the space more open which means people see me from the every side and I work alone these days in a department and I got nowhere to hide from 9 am to 9 pm 2 or 5 times a week so I go to the toilet often. I can stand the music (in fact I just don't pay attention to it, it's like white noise for me), but all these people buzzing... But I like my job and it's scary even to imagine I should change it one day. And I often got "Oh, you take it so close to your heart" when the people saying me this worry way too much about the other things that I don't understand but I don't say it to them. And I remember when I lost my previous job I couldn't find new one for a few months just because I couldn't and not because there wasn't job - there were quite a lot but I just couldn't. I've accepted myself a long time ago and it's so sad that people I love the most don't believe I have such a part of myself.

[@joycecz]

Many people have no clue really about many things that are important to autistic people. The truth is often shunned.

[@samanthaw.8560]

i told my mother today that i have autism. i'm 23, and have wondered on some level whether i have autism since i was 15. when i first told my mother this years ago, she dismissed me out of hand, but when i told her again, and described the pain that caused me, she believed me, and we went to get pizza. thank you for this channel :)

[@sonijya]

(I apologize for the long comment) I'm 15, and for a couple months now I've been looking into autism and trying to figure out whether I might be autistic. After everything I've seen I've been almost certain (minus the certainty a diagnosis would give) that I am as I relate so heavily to everything and a lot of it puts my entire life into perspective, like it all suddenly makes sense. I gathered the courage to bring it up to my mom, who at first was very open and welcoming to hear what I had to say, but the moment the words "I think I might have autism" came out of my mouth she shifted. "I can tell you that you 100% don't have autism." Is what she said and for the rest of the conversation she would not waver because she's had training and "worked with autistic kids" in the past, and that I'm just not it. I want to add that she seemed very angry and offended, though I can't understand why. She said an autistic person wouldn't be able to even recognize the symptoms in themselves to want to look into it like I did (because they can't be self aware), or be able to articulate their thoughts at all. I also love to write, and have been told I'm very good at it, but according to my mom autistic people aren't able to write. She proceeded to list a bunch of other mental illnesses she thinks I have instead (social anxiety, depression, bpd+) and tell me it's just my subconcious making up symptoms to avoid doing school work. I don't know what to do. I know a lot of the things she said are just wrong, but now I can't help but feel so much less confident in not only my original suspicion but myself. I'm starting to think, despite what my "subconcious" is telling me, that I'm just (and I know this isn't a good word to use) crazy. What hurts the most is how she seemed to care more about the fact that I had a different opinion than her on a topic she "knows about very well" than the fact it took a lot of courage and vulnerability that I notoriously lack to face her with this in the first place. Sorry for this, I just wanted to get it out! It's been on my mind and I just can't let it go, obviously lol

[@emdarki]

@@sonijya hey. oh my gosh that sounds absolutely awful!!! I'm 19 and have only just recently contacted the doctors to seek an autism assessment and it didn't go down too well at home for me either! I think for my mum (and it might be for your mum as well perhaps) there's a lot of guilt that our parents feel when we come to them about issues like these - it's sort of like they take it as an insult because they perceive that we're insinuating that they're somehow "failed as parents" for not recognising it - or acting on it in my case - sooner. I think that at the end of the day, when you know, you know. I totally relate to you saying it invalidates your experiences and it's something that I'm currently struggling with as well. I keep trying to remind myself that only I know what's going on in my head - I think a huge issue too is that I heavily mask (which you may do also) so the more stereotypical autistic traits aren't as prevalent. I really really hope things are better for you now but always remember that there's this wonderful online community of people here that hear you and also relate to your experiences. Sorry if this isn't the most helpful lol x

[@joaomarcoscosta4647]

​@@sonijya Sorry to read that. I hope things are better now. And sorry to respond to an year old comment. If this response was uncalled for, feel free to ignore everything I said. ^^; Well... It's worth keeping in mind that that the medical definition and understanding of autism has gone through some major changes in the past couple of decades. It seems likely that your mother was holding on to an older, much more rigid definition of autism, that you wouldn't really fit into. Also, I'm not sure about BPD, but comorbidities like depression, anxiety, and ADHD seem to be pretty common among autistic people. If you relate to a lot of autistic traits, I suggest you seek an official diagnosis from a neurologist or psychiatrist with experience working with autistic people. And I recommend that you talk it over with your parents. You don't have to try and "prove" to your mother that you are autistic. Just let her know what are the issues you are struggling with, that you relate to a lot of autistic traits, and that you would like to seek help. Once more: it's not your job to prove to your mother that you are on the spectrum. It might not be helpful trying to "debate her" on this. You just have to show her that, regardless of whether it's because autism of not, you are going through some struggles, and seeking professional help could be beneficial to you. Or at least that's what I think. Good luck!

[@davidtolle9533]

Bless your moma 😭

[@A_Box]

I would imagine people who already know you would be like "well, that explains a lot".

[@OldBon3s]

Web Wanderer That’s how my mom and sister took things! But my dad took awhile to deal with my diagnoses. But yeah they all say to me all the time that the diagnosis explains my whole life and I agree! I freaked out when I was first diagnosed because I didn’t know anything about ASD. Once I started reading about it I actually cried because my life mad sense to me for the first time! I went back and told my therapist thank you and that it was the first time I didn’t feel so alone on the planet! The diagnoses changed my life dramatically for the better!

[@Umbideoma]

Not really because sometimes you can mask so well that you seem just like a neurotypical person

[@shadowfox933]

@@OldBon3s it's great for those of us whose parents actually wanted to see the real person, but some of our parents only wanted to see the "perfect child" we had to learn how to be...insert my private meltdowns all through middle school :( All anecdotes aside though, it is really uplifting when the people closest to us take the time to really listen and understand

[@bekig7558]

in my experience, the difficulty comes when they think they know you. when you try to reveal your true self to them, it can feel to them like you're dismissing the whole history of your relationship, as if everything was 'fake'. and it some ways, they're not even wrong... but if they truly love you, they will try to work past that into a relationship that prioritises your wellbeing and safety over their comfort.

[@SueLyons1]

'I don't want to talk about my son. I want to respect his privacy' 👏👏👏

[@kchortu]

I do love your hair! I am usually rocking a blue beard.

[@222fairydust]

wow ✨✨

[@SueLyons1]

But don't be Bluebeard (ho ho)

[@ejwilly2309]

My mom at first was upset when I expressed my concerns with possibly having autism (I was maybe too direct idk) it kinda bothered her. I think it’s because her idea of autism is skewed by the media or presumed ideas. She may have thought I was telling her that there was something wrong with me (though we all know that’s not what autism means lol) but now I think she’s a lot more open to the idea as we’ve been discussing the truth of what it really is, and reflecting on how I was as a young child.

[@agathemcbrady6670]

To me personally I can understand morning a child having a disability not because of who they are but because of the challenges they will face

[@spamalam]

yes, this is true. but the challenges of being in the dark about who you are is worse. You were always this person; they haven't truly lost anything. It's like they lose the matrix but they wake up to reality and if you ask neo would he do it all again? ---

[@autistichead8137]

My very few friends and one family member said “everything makes sense now” people I know who are almost friends say “ do yoga” and”everyone is autistic” . Very annoying. Can’t have relationships

[@alexc2265]

Yeah, responses of NTs like your almost friends can be quite frustrating and shows they’re not really getting the picture. At the same time, yoga and meditation can be extremely helpful over time. As someone with ASD and a lengthier practice, I can say meditation’s been pivotal to my wellbeing and functioning. I’m actually able to turn the tide of what would otherwise be debilitating overstimulation much of the time, for example. A core goal of meditation is to give us space between us and our thoughts and emotions. It’s both potentially more challenging and beneficial for people with ASD as the worlds of thought and feeling are more vivid to us.

[@autistichead8137]

Playing guitar, Piano and golf is also helpful

[@katrinakollmann5265]

Sigh ♡ :c

[@10ison]

I think what actually makes it hard is when YOU'VE done the work to figure out what it is, and your family who have the SAME symptoms/experiences wont look at it for what it actually is in themselves and deny your realization about it as well.

[@pendafen7405]

Yes, that's an excellent point--relatives who take it personally generally come from a place of fear about what it means about them. My father is this way, refusing to acknowledge that I have ASC (hereditary from his side of the family), because he clearly has it twice as severely but doesn't want to be classed as 'one of THOSE people'🙄

[@meghanwebber4977]

No one in my circle is taking me seriously. I know I've had anxiety that lead to "hypochondriac tendencies" most of my life... However looking back, it really feels like anxiety, the demand/thorough searching for answers for ailments, and the fixation all as further proof of autism. I have already been diagnosed with ADHD, a learning disability, a dr suggested bipolar disorder or simply 'depression.' ANYWAY, my close friends, parents, and siblings don't seem to be taking me seriously at all. I sobbed when I actually read other stories and understood the symptoms. It's all me. From the way I think to my "inabilities" and how I speak, etc etc etc. I just had the biggest breakthrough of my life. When I brought it up, they stay silent, wait for me to stop talking and have no questions or comments. I know they're thinking I'm exaggerating. But still, I'm a bit taken aback. Then there's my husband... Who says he wants me to get a diagnosis before he considers hearing me out. Which doesn't surprise me, as it's an abusive situation and an entirely different topic. Even so, this new realization somehow made me feel lonelier than before. I'm TRYING to get diagnosed but I wish people close to me understood.

[@reggiep75]

My dad was dumbfounded when I mentioned that I'd sought an autism assessment a while ago. He's a boomer and completely switched off about things in the modern world and I'm sure he'd be happier in a Matrix-like simulation from the 1960-1970's *ON REPEAT.* Needless to say, my list of people to confide in is narrowing and if I speak to the local cats I might make a handful of people. I'd probably get more sense out of the local cats, and not be judged, but it would cost me loads in cat snacks and treats 😂😂

[@fiveelevenevan]

Cats are great therapists tbh. So are dogs, but they might sit I your lap to snuggle and accidentally crush ur pelvis

[@lilme7052]

I think we have the same dad! 😂

[@stillnotstill]

I really love (/sarcasm) the "No you're not" "Everybody's like that" Coupled with the particular silence that means I'm supposed to be ashamed of myself

[@hannahclara7929]

I'm booked in for an assessment in a few months and I'm pretty damn sure we are coming back with a screaming YES. I've been talking to my mum to find out about my childhood and she consistently is like "i saw no signs" then tells me a bunch of stories that signify that I was in her words "an odd kid". More recently she says "maybe they will say something is happening but really at some point you are so high on the spectrum that you might as well be normal so whats the point of a diagnosis, is enabling". I want to scream. I am a super masker and she has never seen ME. and when I try to explain she says "well all of us get stressed sometimes" or similar to fit the situation. very frustrating.

[@shadowfox933]

That moment when you have to learn to mask around your parents because they get mad if you break their vision of the "perfect child" they always wanted

[@lilme7052]

Oh my god this is so much like my mum. If I hear " we all get like that sometimes" or " we're all a bit like that" once more! and yeah I'm not really me with her not adult me. She'd hate it.

[@McFlingleson]

*barking* Sam: That's a dog. Indeed it is.

[@Didartie]

"it's not a happy dog*

[@corvigae]

OH BIG SAME on the thoughts about autism and ADHD? I've known that I have ADHD for a while, and only recently realized that I also very much fit the diagnostic criteria for autism, and really the more I read about the subject, the more it seems to me that ADHD might be somewhat similar to Aspergers in that it's really just a subset of autistic/neurodiverse symptoms that have gotten their own classification, historically. Funny enough, when I tried bringing up my autistic traits to my family, actually, they mostly waved me off by attributing everything to my ADHD...which only just a few years ago they ALSO hadn't believed me about when I told them I had it, lol!

[@YoSamdySam]

It's definitely a process with family. Just keep initiating the conversation and sharing with them videos and links that you think are useful.

[@hope6629]

I was diagnosed with ADHD nearly a decade ago and I am just now discovering that I may have autism. Your issue is precisely what worries me about telling my family

[@ravenzahm4980]

@@hope6629 same boat here too! its been really weird sorting out what's ADHD/SPD traits and what's more ASD related and Im starting to think the two work more like an X/Y axis of neurodivergence that can't really be separated

[@MissTotos]

Same.

[@AryaViotta]

I am not diagnosed with ADHD OR Autism yet though different people told me at different times that I should maybe consider a evaluation based on what I said. Looking at the symptoms is very hard to prioritise what needs to be taken care of first honestly since they seem so similar. Especially considering the waiting lists are so long (and at the moment even closed) it's a hard decision to make

[@irismoralis]

Another question: Can stims be just internal? I'm always singing songs but learned not to do it out loud very quickly because my family finds it annoying, but there is basically not a moment when I'm not singing or humming inside my head and it does feel a bit like stimming to me

[@superpotterfan7435]

I’m not an expert but I feel like I do the same thing to stim. It’s what I do when I’m struggling and it calms me down even if I go through the same 4 or 5 words on a loop for several hours😂

[@shadowfox933]

I don't see any reason why it couldn't be, I just know I would need the actual sound myself. Assuming I'm not in meltdown/shutdown, in that case, any sound will only make it worse

[@SueLyons1]

Good thought 👏👏👏 I sing/hear/play songs in my head super often 👍

[@emilyholewka8784]

Humming is my main form of stimming, so yes!

[@NinjaCoto]

Oh that's interesting! I never considered that for myself tho I do it all the time. When I'm sleep deprived and it's early I'll have one song on repeat to the point where I will hate hearing it (usually something I don't like and have forgotten about) but it also prevents massive stressful overthinking. I also catch myself swaying gently when standing on the spot. Not sure if that counts but it's that or figeting with my leg

[@rafale1981]

As a parent of a child who may be on the spectrum, your words about parenting ring incredibly true. Thank you!! I would appreciate more vids about your experience as a parent!

[@shahdahmed8497]

I honestly wanna tell my parents that I might actually have high functioning Autism but the fact that they might deny it because I have a brother that is diagnosed with level 2 Autism along with some brain issues, and they are most likely to say "you don't look like your brother" or generally disagree with the idea because they don't really see it even if there were some symptoms, they'll just end up comparing it to my brother which is more extreme And I just wanted to know how I'm exactly supposed to make them approve on my point.

[@user-ei8rb7sj6c]

What search terms did you use to find a doctor, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist who is knowledgeable in working with people like us? I'm in my 60's and was diagnosed years ago as bi-polar with chronic major depressive disorder. I liken myself to a bumble bee, gathering pollen from one flower after another. Only my pollen is interesting subjects. I love to read & watch KZbin videos to learn. I immerse myself in one subject after another, but seldom stick with much of anything for long. I have a lot of friends (probably bc I'm good at masking, which is exhausting). I seem to soak up the emotional pain of those closest to me like a sponge. Eventually, when it becomes too heavy, I suffer mild depression. When this happens, or I become exhausted from masking or external stimuli, I retreat, become a hermit, & recharge my batteries so I can get back out there & tkeep going. The struggle is real. I look forward to your reply.

[@user-ei8rb7sj6c]

Yesterday I was told to go to psychology today dot com. I haven't done it yet, but supposedly it has a search engine that matches you with doctors who are trained to treat certain symptoms and are geographically closest to you. Would love to hear if this helps anyone. D

[@karagraham9764]

D I have heard psychologtoday.com as a recommendation

[@user-ei8rb7sj6c]

Kara Graham Thanks for your reply.

[@manisharana5250]

Are you me? ☹️

[@mariaeinarsdottir5390]

I am currently in the assessment process. Ever since my psychologist mentioned that she suspects that I might be autistic a few weeks ago I researched that topic a lot and it helped me to finally understand myself a lot more. It helped me so much to know that I am not alone with my troubles and that they aren’t a result of my being week or lazy or not trying hard enough. I told my parents and just got the most heartbreaking reaction I could have imagined. M parents believe they knew what autism is. They think it just means problems with picking up language and being unable to understand facial expressions and body language. As I have always had a very big vocabulary and picked up foreign languages very fast and because I am a heavy masker they just told me they didn’t believe in me being autistic. Never once did they try to understand what that condition a trained psychologist suspects me to have actually is. They said even if I am actually autistic it’s not their problem they’d just keep on doing what they always did as that has clearly always worked. They don’t really question if it actually worked for me or wether I just found a way to somehow deal with these situations as well as I could. If I now tell them all the things I do struggle with they’d just say I am making it up now because it never looked as though I had these problems. If I told them I was just masking the entire time they’d never believe me. I really hoped that they try to understand. Learning about autism helped me so much to understand myself more now. If even I didn’t really understand myself for 20 years how can my parents think they knew everything about me and they really understood me? The worst thing is that I also can’t really explain it to them. I’ve never been good at bringing my thoughts into a logical order and expressing what’s going on inside of me. Plus I never find the words I need in verbal conversation. I’d feel much more comfortable to have a conversation through a door or a written conversation but with my parents it’s only able to have a conversation where we sit in front of each other and spontaneously talk everything out. I always felt misunderstood and as though I didn’t fit in with the rest of society and it took a big toll on me. Now more than ever ironically. I just don’t know what to do....

[@danatrick4868]

I was fortunately diagnosis fairly early and received treatment, but my parents told me that I was autistic when I started middle school. Even with my parents (mainly my dad) encourgaging me to make normal friends, I was able to keep my natural weirdness. However, when entering middle school, one of my close friends who is Neruotypidal was curious about my weirdness and reluctant to become normal. She was pressuring me to say something and I was forced to admit that I had autism. When she heard that, she started trying to make me normal and forced me to quit certain shows and movies and listening to music that I had loved for these stupid tween shows and movies and music that I have absolutely no interest in. She told me how to act and talk so I could survive middle school and grow up, but the whole thing felt unnatural and I'd repeatedly told her that I couldn't ever be normal which she refused to listen. Fortunately, I'd stopped being friends with her halfway through the first year of middle school and I'd made a friend who was also autistic and often encouraged me to embrace my weirdness, so I was able to avoid masking. However, since that experience I always place doubt on my own interests and my personality around others. Plus, it made me hesitant to tell others of my autism for repeating the experience again So, the moral of this story is that if a person tries to fix you after you tell them of your autism, tell them that you can never be normal and that is fine.

[@surlespasdondine]

treatment for anxiety?

[@karenabrams8986]

Interactions that go awry fast have begun to get easier. I went to a Christmas party with my spouse and when someone tried to tell me a joke I did my usual freeze trying to process nonsense and got reminded for the billionth time “it’s a joke”. I unstuck and told the person, oh! I’m autistic. I don’t get jokes but I like to fuck with people, it’s a terrible situation. We both had a chuckle and convos moved along. That is so much better than how that interaction has gone before so many times. When I can make sense out of something that gets awkward for myself and a normie I’m interacting with, everything goes more smoothly. If that means self disclosing my autism to do that, I’m doing it.

[@umNur]

A few months ago when I was diagnosed and I found your vids, I told my husband, "I've found my people!" He didn't get it, really.

[@titaniastinkerings]

The day I got my diagnosis I called my parents and told them "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE PROUD PARENT OF AN AUTISTIC CHILD!" to which all of them just kinda said "uhhhh, okay?" Slowly we've kinda discussed later on what that actually means in terms of my personal experience, but for the most part none of them really felt it made a difference, just mostly wondered why I felt the need to get diagnosed after all this time xD I got lucky in that for the most part they've accepted me for who I am. My dad was actually upset when I came out as bisexual on facebook instead of telling them directly because he felt like I didn't trust him. Honestly my parents have taken all of my neurodivergent curve balls in stride after we worked out the issues we had when I was a kid, its been pretty amazing since then 💖

[@titaniastinkerings]

(I have 3 parents, thats why this is phrased weird. My bio-mom, my dad, and my dad's ex wife who is also still referred to as mom)

[@Yume03]

Your family sounds lovely 😊

[@titaniastinkerings]

Thank you, we've done a lot of work to get to this point but it was worth it 😂😊

[@thevirtualjim]

I appreciate this vid! I was diagnosed 4 yrs ago and it is still very hard for me to tell many people. i think I am getting to a place where I can soon be open about it. I have been getting more deeper into autistic communities/groups online since isolation started and its helping me feel like i can share with the people I know in my life.

[@gradientmapabuser9875]

Twinsies! Hope you're finding self acceptance and love surrounding u

[@MarrisaStrong]

I'm only beginning the journey of recognizing myself as autistic. So far the very few people I've told have been told in "staged" conversations where I state clearly and simply the response that I want to get and the fear I have in telling them. " I want to tell you something that's very personal and sensitive to me and I am scared that you'll hear it and immediately dismiss me as self diagnosing or looking for a medical reason to have a way to get out of things. I'm only looking into this to try to understand how to help me cope better with the things that I'm struggling with. That being said, I relate a lot to the struggles of people with autism and I think I may have it." It's not as self owning and direct as I would like. I want to be able to just say it and be confident and proud, but I feel like that puts pressure on people to immediately accept something they might not agree with and probably don't understand. When in reality, I don't need them to understand or agree, I only need them to know that the process has the goal of me coping and interacting in more healthy ways and that's a win for me and a win for everyone around me. If it helps me, then does it really matter of they agree that I'm autistic? Hardly, and that's also how my close friends see it.

[@pendafen7405]

My mother & sister gave interviews for my ASC assessment, and both have been accepting, so I didn't have to break the news, because they were with me on the journey to find out. Many ASC people don't have that support, so I feel privileged. Sadly, the rest of my family are either estranged, intolerant, or unsafe/unavailable to tell, plus I have no friends, so there's a tradeoff.

[@Jay-ql4gp]

I told my mom I have ADHD and she just rolled her eyes and said, "Where did you hear _that?_ " So I didn't tell her my daughter has it, too. I have noise sensitivity, but I also have tinnitus. So it's a blessing and a curse.

[@Linotaengoo]

Something that is so funny to me is that grown-ups act like this when you tell them. But my SIX year old brother understood right away when my mom told him and asked me at the dinner table "your brain is different that ours and that is why you wear headphones right? because even if it isn't loud to us it is for you?"

[@bethwheeler7341]

I got my diagnosis 2 months ago at 29, thanks in large part to stumbling across your videos and the revelation they brought. It has already made a huge difference for me in accepting myself as I am and also accessing medical care because doctors are more willing to accommodate me. Thank you so much for these videos.

[@lher8639]

I was just rereading my comment, I wanted to add that I think our whole family, all four of us (including me) could have varying levels of autism or neuro diversity at the least, and it is women like you that help me think through my life and why I think I could have autism too, so thank you for your openness and willingness to share your story and thoughts. It is so helpful, and I hope lots of people hear your story, and thank you so very much for sharing this!

[@jesy7619]

Thank you for sharing your insight with us. You have way of speaking and getting info across that is not overwhelming for someone just diagnosed. I am very grateful to have found your channel

[@recollectionsofinvisiblechild]

I told the literal last friend I had, who I have known for 40 years, as well as extended family, that I was on the spectrum. Now I have even less family communication, and zero friends. Not a single one. So, beware about disclosing. Thankfully, I have a loving wife and kids.

[@____tattoobob]

Thaaaaaank you sooo much Sam for your amazing videos. I felt like such a weirdo my whole life, I'm turning 32 soon and seeing you and watching other videos makes me realize why I never fit in. I feel the same way, now that I am talking to my mom about it and my husband, a lot of pressure is already gone. I will follow your lead and get myself diagnosed because I just can't deal with certain influences any longer. Your content is beautiful and funny and so inclusive... thank you again... 💜

[@lher8639]

Sam, thank you so much for your views, we are in the middle of finding out that the genetic difference in our family that we knew about since our daughter was born (then found out my husband has it, and since then had 2 sons with the same genetic disorder) probably means that we are going to have autism as a staple of our family! My husband was just tested this past week and we are waiting to see if he is autistic. I never comment on videos because I am afraid of the trolls and don't want to get involved😋 but I have a lot to say on the grief of the loss of normal. We have lost a child, our son was born with a genetic heart defect (hypoplastic left heart syndrome, or half of a heart) long story short, his life should have been longer than 5 months, prognosis was good, and while he would have had a lit of medical intervention he would have lived a longer life than he did. While he was alive I grieved normal. I hated the thought of him going through unimaginable pain as a baby, and going through more pain than I have ever gone through. It was hard to imagine what life would be like for him, and the pain he would have to endure. It was from a place of love, and the grief was very real. Rewind, my daughter was born with some abnormal signs, and we were told she had down syndrome. My reaction was much like yours, we love her no matter what, and we'll get through and she will have a beautiful life her way. My husband began to grieve the loss of normal for her, and his thoughts were more about how cruel the world would be to her. Now, this was short lived, we waited for a couple weeks for microray genetic testing results, she didn't have any downs syndrome, but this was why we found out about our genetic difference. Now my daughter is almost 8, and I have been convinced that she has autism for over a year, but in America it is such a long wait for kids, we had her signed up for one diagnostic clinic and after waiting 8 months found out from a friend they had closed their practice and had told the community on Facebook....😡 then my husband lost his job as we were signing her up for Easter Seals which wasn't covered by his insurance. Meanwhile my daughter was having explosive meltdowns in which she has been threatening to kill herself and others... and a myriad of other terrible things to say.... and almost a year of therapy isn't helping much. The school acts like we just need to get her on adhd medication, and the teacher seems to be bullying her. I want to go back to work but I'm considering homeschooling her because the school is treating her so poorly at the moment, but it could all be due to her teacher. I am grieving normal, and it isn't because I think my daughter is bad. She is the sweetest, so smart and fun, I love her to pieces the way she is. I just wish life didn't have to be so very hard for her, for us as her parents, and her brother who is scared at her emotional dysregulation that we haven't been able to get appropriate help for yet. I say all this just to say be careful with saying not to grieve for the loss of normal, because life is hard, and grief is an emotional response to that. Grief is important and good for your emotions, and it often is because of the love a parent has for their kid.

[@jeni3093]

Thank you so much for your videos, Sam! You have no idea how comforting they are to have someone articulating my exact thoughts & feelings that I can never seem to organize or articulate. Also, I wanted to address the diagnosis process as an adult just beginning to connect all the dots for myself. My question is this… As I have “fallen down a rabbit hole“ on KZbin the past month, soaking up all sorts of delicious information on adult females with Aspergers (even though that label is outdated now), I have no doubt whatsoever that this is my diagnosis. But when I think about even beginning the process of trying to figure out where to start, who to see, making time in my schedule for appointments and doctors, etc., I completely shut down and cannot even take the first step. I’m guessing this is for a variety of reasons, but mostly, I am not convinced that the amount of time and energy that I would need to expend to “jump through all those hoops” would be worth the outcome. I guess what I am asking is, even if I could obtain a diagnosis, then what? Would it just be for my own validation? Or is there a more tangible reason to go through that exhausting process?

[@ryanchapman7757]

If you ever decide to move again, consider moving to Colorado, USA. It is so beautiful here and the people are really nice. Also, the air and water are clean! I love it here.

[@ConstanzaSotoQ]

I think I have some autistic traits, once I told my parents that, without saying that I think I'm autistic. My parents made fun of me, saying "now she's autistic, that make sense" so now I won't talk to them about it

[@MrNathanovic]

Surprised this video hasn't gotten more views yet. It's an important topic after all.

[@calmercaninestraining6260]

"Parenting is sort of like constantly realizing that you don't have a clue what you're doing." A truer word has ne'er been said! Now that my son is two, I have realized that *I* am autistic (no official diagnosis as of yet, but I am 100% sure of it). My son isn't showing any signs as of yet, but I'll be ready to support him should that be the outcome for him as well. I was diagnosed as ADHD and OCD and major depression in high school, but those diagnoses don't explain the stimming, the sensory overload (smell, sound, light), my perpetual clumsiness, etc. I'm not sure if I have those things as comorbidities with ASD, or if it is all really just ASD. Honestly, it's quite freeing knowing why I am the way I am, and understanding that everything truly IS louder (brighter, more itchy, etc) for me....I'm not crazy after all! Thanks so much for your videos as they helped confirm my suspicions after going down a rabbit hole from The Aspergian.

[@cobykonneor]

My family was very religious and sadly, I was denied adequate help until I was able to seek it myself as an adult. I am 20 years old and have only now started to accept myself as someone with a neurological disorder. Being raised in a community of people who believed in mythological beings inhabiting the body instead of... ya know- science, I am still trying to work through some of the trauma left from their so called, "cures" for behavior and differential thought processing. Thank you for making these videos.

[@AnnieIce123]

Love this video - like all of them!! Thanks for your thoughts on ASD/ADHD 👌 I totally agree with the overlap and it all coming under the same neurodiverse umbrella 🤗💕 I am looking forward to hearing about your journey with the support you receive and practical advice on enhancing our diverse talents. ☺️ Thanks for sharing!! 🙌

[@dawnrobertson3067]

I really enjoyed this video. I was actually diagnosed with Inattentive ADD and Dyspraxia earlier this year. But it's an ASC diagnosis I am still waiting to see about. I am in Scotland. I could have went the NHS route but it can take so long plus a lot of GPs don't really get it and I can't be bothered trying to convince them as it'll just annoy me and make me really anxious in general. I think my ADD diagnosis could actually attribute to autism like you said. My wee lassy is autistic and has combined ADHD as well as many other co-morbid conditions. And I'm realising more and more how genetics play a big role in it. I also have some autie/aspie friends and I feel so at ease with them. Watching your videos is convincing me more that I may well be a wee autie female after all. I am 42.

[@Bittagrit]

My sister equated autism with “ having special gifts” as in Rainman.

[@dominic.h.3363]

The "everyone has that" type of counterargument is what really gets me. They interpret higher sensitivity as lower tolerance, and your disproportionately severe reaction as just being a drama queen. They don't accept that their experience of the world is not the same as yours, and use their scope to judge yours. And that's... I don't even know how to BEGIN to devise a retort to that.

[@flikkeringlightz7472]

I told my family by mail. Wrote it for a day and put a bunch of links for articles and told them to take a couple of hours to go through ALL of them. While i was away. That was my immediate family. Im not sure yet how to tell my grandma and uncles and their families. I think i should tell them because its genetic and i want to help any family member that has my same problem. Because before i, by pure chance, saw a video about it, had absolutely no notion of the possibility of it. And this noledge has helped me understand myself so much in just a couple of months its surreal.

[@roxanes43]

Thank you for your honesty. Btw, your channel will be the resource I share bc they all have no understanding or familiarity with ND - they think - and I expect push back. Brilliant! About reframing the question to how would I help someone else with autism to gleen insights for myself, especially since I'm in a helping profession. Your videos are beneficial to so many!! 🎉

[@daynataylor8609]

I'm so glad you said that you feel ADHD and autism are so intertwined. I've been diagnosed with ADHD but relate with so much of what you talk about.... Curious to ask my Dr about it....

[@katrinakollmann5265]

Same!

[@IndieAndy]

Aww Storm you aren't any help... But you're still cute so I'm fine with that 😂 Really enjoyed this more chilled video and it was really interesting hearing your thoughts on the different topics. My question is what is your opinion on autistics hating on neurotypicals? Do you think it's justified?

[@YoSamdySam]

I'll have to have a good month to mull that one over! Good question though!

[@YoSamdySam]

I'll have to have a good month to mull that one over! Good question though!

[@michaelshort2388]

I'm lucky in that my sister is a psychologist, so I have been getting advice from her as I've been thinking about getting assessed.

[@timbodnar6711]

Lucky you!!😁

[@Flippityjibbet]

Today I finally built up the confidence to tell my mom that I might be autistic and am interested in being evaluated to find out. It went surprisingly well. I'd just like to say that I really appreciate these videos. They played a big role in coming to this conclusion. While I haven't been diagnosed, and, really, regardless of whether this ends up being the case, it's incredibly comforting to know that other people are going through similar struggles and that it's okay to feel differently about the world.

[@-jinxxx]

any tips on how to tell parents? im nervous they will deny it bc ig they never rlly noticed when i was a kid but i have always showed lots of signs. they got my sister diagnosed with adhd like 1-2 years ago but im scared to tell them i think i have it als9 how did your diagnosis go if you got it yet?

[@johannkassim9330]

The Netherlands is a lovely country.

[@user-rf5pb7cx6z]

You're a HUGE help my dear glad you derive value from your talks as well. Perfect 🤍

[@jennys9043]

I'm not afraid of having a neurodiverse child. I'm afraid of having a child. Period.

[@scottiemomma2314]

My husband is currently going through some of that disappointment and misguided expectations about our son…he’s not as educated about autism, whereas I grew up with it. When I started suspecting autism in my son, I went through a grief period, but only because I grew up with social struggles and it’s the realization that your child will have possibly the same challenges. Most parents just want the best for their child, and I think the grieving is more so related to that versus the fact that you have a child with a disability in general. Oh, and having a child with many verbal stims is extremely challenging sometimes when I’m also sensitive to noise.

[@sarinalight7422]

Thanks for this Q&A. I appreciate you Oh Samdy Sam👍🏼. I regret my action on how I told others, yet I’m Proud of who I am Today.

[@thisbagisnotatoy9639]

I’m trying to figure out how to handle my therapist in relation to my autism/ADHD. I feel very confident that I’m autistic (self-diagnosed). When I started seeing my therapist, she agreed that it was likely that I’m autistic. However, a few months later, she randomly said that she does think I’m autistic because I don’t seem like her other autistic clients. (She’s also suggested that I visit the Autism Speaks website before- I suggested that she avoid Autism Speaks like the plague). I know other commenters will suggest that I switch therapists, but she really is wonderful and helping me in other ways. It’s just that whenever I bring up my autism or ADHD, she either says she doesn’t think I have them (I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD multiple times in my life and every self-evaluation I’ve done for autism shows that I am autistic) or she says that labels aren’t helpful. I’m working up the courage to tell her that it feels really invalidating when she says this and the labels actually make me feel a lot better because it’s reassuring that there is a group of (really great ❤) people who share my experiences. As I put it to her recently, it’s really nice knowing that I’m a normal zebra, not a strange horse 🦓. I think she missed the point when I told her that. Has anyone else experienced this? I really relate to you so, next time it comes up, I’m going to ask her to check out your videos and maybe she’ll broaden her understanding of what autism can look like.

[@two_5]

my previous therapist specialized in diagnosing girls with autism and completely dismissed my suspicions about having autism. it was heartbreaking but now i understand that i didnt have enough time to realize the extent of my masking and inability to understand social cues. i literally started making a list of autistic traits that i have currently and had in childhood and that is ultimately what lead to my diagnosis (also my understanding that i had to learn a lot of things that are innate understanding for others). my suggestion is to gather your thoughts and experiences to share with your therapist! hope you are doing better now!

[@puscifer99]

The stages of grief to neurotypical is a neurotypical response. It is because they tend to outgroup based on their own societal experience or behaviours. I would argue the grieving process for the parents is based upon their own behaviours/experiences since they don't like labels; precisely it is an emotive response to something that requires a pragmatic series of actions.

[@catherineoliver3350]

Watching you speak is like looking in a mirror. Your mannerisms, patterns of speech, and even your hair and facial features look like me! I’m going to talk to my dad tonight about getting a diagnosis and this video really helped. Thanks! And hello from the UK! I wish we could be friends 🙂

[@samanthaw.8560]

your hair looks really pretty in this video :)

[@keshicrawford4177]

I am being assessed for ASD. This idea that I may be autistic came up during the process of our daughter being diagnosed. I honestly fine it harder to parent our NT children than our ASD child. We have 3 children and even though there's a 36% chance of other children having ASD, we are still planning to have another. Also, you have such a wonderful speaking voice. I like to watch videos on 2x play back speed to save time and you are very easy to understand.

[@p.m.5141]

I don't think that I'll ever tell again someone that I'm autistic. I told a good friend of mine. I also told her a few things about it. She replied that she didn't know how to react to this information. When I told my wife after the diagnosis, she just replied "tell me something I didn't know yet". I told a few friends. The reaction was overwhelming: they looked away and didn't say a word anymore.

[@nothingmorethanageminiboar4929]

What happens if you don’t have anyone in your family or any friends you can turn to for comfort with issues?

[@ileanacosanzeana9486]

I've got a lot of tertiary gaslighting from my family and friends.. they bluntly told me I'm not autistic and I could feel that this information really made them uncomfortable, but mostly they become instantly experts in autism and with no solid arguments they told me they don't believe me. Even my medical professionals colleagues did the same thing.. I can't possibly understand why they felt so threatened by my neurodiversity or maybe they were threatened by my handicap. I don't know sweetie, but not everyone is okay to accept or validate autism in adults. They are much more at ease to blame it on personality traits.😞

[@two_5]

in others minds you are probably breaking the (harmful) stereotypes people are taught about autism. it’s unfortunate that you have to be a learning moment for others but hopefully they will understand how to interact with and support you even better now!

[@Benjiroyoface]

I've been giving them hints that I'm autistic me: I'm autistic

[@heathwilder]

"Distracted by a puppy? Maybe i do have ADHD!" This made me laugh 😂

[@stevegreenwood7837]

Yes l was just thinking the same sam... its not scary that your child might have autism... its not a disease, its not even an illness , and why do some people refer to children as kids sounds so not caring l thought a kid was a small goat ,what do l know l'm autistic .

[@karldouglas4848]

I only been open about my "aka"maybe "autism" is my landlord,...... he hasnt text me since!. 2 years ago,....i was a difficult child, i hated light and sound and loved to be on carnival rides that round and round and round repeatedly and hate walmart shopping!.(i feel everyone's emotions),.(No one supports me)I have tons to say, but cant keep up with you . Ly

[@sunnishae5047]

I love the swing rides at the carnival, 10/10 would recommend.

[@pippiansyy]

Hi just love your channel. I am currently being assesed for add and asd and your videos are helping me a lot

[@tiiaj7589]

What are your thoughts on Tony Atwood? Pretty sure he wrote the book I got about aspergers which first clued me in to girls autistic presentation vs boys. I just watched a couple KZbin videos he was speaking in and I actually cried at feeling understood in some areas I’ve felt soooo misunderstood. But there were a few things that I thought might make some with AS offended too.

[@kayjay-kreations]

Which videos.?

[@tiiaj7589]

@@kayjay-kreations I’m sorry I don’t remember which ones exactly anymore. I just searched his name and autisim I think.

[@melindabrooks384]

Hi Sam! My very good friend has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression today, however, your videos have made me think that she might be on the spectrum. When she was assessed by the psychiatrist, she kept asking are u sure that all I have. He said yes you have anxiety and to do cognitive behaviour therapy over the phone once a week. I know you have explained multiple times that misdiagnosis usually in adult women are very common. Her stims along with other things that scream she’s on the spectrum where just ignored and said all these things are anxiety traits, but I really feel like this is not the right diagnosis. She’s on anxiety medication and this hasn’t really helped the situation. What would you recommend in this situation? Love your channel, I have learned soo much from you and thank you for being vulnerable to the world to share ur story and help others! Love from Canada, Ontario!!

[@for_your_entertainment]

It's been some since you posted. Was she able to get assessed? If not she should definitely talk to a psychologist that specializes in autism diagnosis.

[@melindabrooks384]

So she did speak to someone but she just left it as she has depression and anxiety because that is what the professionals told her that she had. So I think she is just going to go with what she was assessed with. Is she is ok with her diagnosis then I guess that is her decision and I have to respect that

[@wilwarin6017]

i don't have an official diagnosis yet, but for some time i often referred to seeing myself somewhere on the autism spektrum, and i tell people i'm looking to get an diagnosis. as in i intentionally wouldn't say i'm autistic or i'm an autist, cause i'm me and there's a word that describes a lot of stuff i experience but it doesn't decribe me, so i get the diagnosis but it doesn't change anything about me. it's like finding out if i had a 6th finger or somethign similiar. i also consider masking a skill worth developing and something i'm very proud of, if it works. i like to be myself, but even masked i'm not someone else, i'm just showing off a skill i spent a lot time practicing. neither do i want to use a diagnosis as an excuse to not do stuff, i can do. it might be some of it doesn't come easy to me, but people for whom reading and writing doesn't come easy are still expected to learn it aren't they. and for the better, cause they'll learn at least basics.

[@GeorgeSPAMTindle]

I got diagnosed as a High Functioning Autistic at the age of 53. One of the things that I found most difficult to deal with was the total lack of surprise by most people who I told. I do wonder whether an earlier diagnosis might have resulted in a few less job dismissals, that unintended and unobserved (by me anyway) rudeness can be a pest at times.

[@vikdaddy]

I have a sensitivity to loud noises/inability to concentrate if there's multiple sounds, and I can tell you having a noisy 8 year old can be troublesome! 🤫

[@karldouglas4848]

Your very helpfull and thankyou and im very BURNED out !

[@tinabouman5835]

Around a year ago, my son started doing research because he thinks he may be autistic. I became interested and started doing some research so I can help him. The more I've learned, I think he may be right... and a lot of what I've learned sounds like me. I'm 58 years old and I've struggled my whole life. I don't have the energy to list everything about me that has been deemed weird and strange to the few family and friends that have stuck around. Have you ever heard of someone my age being diagnosed as autistic?

[@YoSamdySam]

Yes, I have a lot of people in the comments being diagnosed in their 50s and 60s. It's not that unusual anymore.

[@tinabouman5835]

@@YoSamdySam I don't even know where to begin. How do my son and I go about getting diagnosed?

[@thatblerdoverthereb9654]

As I've related to you with my own experience I realise that my mom may be Autistic. She's a sweet person who did the best she could but she is basically the mute in the family. She had a few relationships with unfortunate men, and we have a tough time communicating even though there's no ill will. I feel there's a unsaid game of who will text first but were too alike.

[@Marie_bun]

Completely off topic but i just really like your hair and necklace/sweater combo in this video! 👌

[@jonathanwalker1946]

I wonder if there's any correlation between ASD and Celiac. I have both as well, so I feel your pain.

[@nataliesirota2611]

I doubt that I will tell my family of origin. They won't be supportive, and they have always been the ones who told me to "stop" my behaviors. Fortunately, I do have others in my life that are very supportive.

[@Autism_Forever]

Part of my immediate family does not believe that I am Autistic :))))) I have severe Autism and have been diagnosed since I was a baby. I am not trying to convince them :))))) I am just living my life. Now that I am even verbal a lot of the times I tell people that I don’t like them and to go away if they annoy me too much :)))) I would say - live the best life that you can and do not worry about the rest.

[@stillnotstill]

That's good advice :) thank you Anna!

[@OliviaWood14]

When I first told one of my mothers that I think I'm autistic (as in just blurted it out because I had been looking into it non-stop for months and was thinking about little else), she didn't believe me and just said the equivalent of 'aren't we all a bit autistic?' (which considering that she and several other people in our family have some autistic traits is kind of understandable). I more or less told her that either I was "stupid", "lazy" and "useless" or that there was an explanation for my struggles and the, at the time, daily sensory overloads. She has been taking it seriously since ^^'

[@AuroraSilverFox]

I'm in love with the Neatherlands 🙈💕 how were y'all able to move there? Was it before the UK did Brexit? Legit question. I'm from the USA but I'm in love with their culture/ bike culture and infastructure.

[@Pippemi]

I knew for quite a few years I had it (self diagnosis) and hadn’t told anyone because I didn’t want to be seen as having a “disability” when I didn’t view it that way. My mum then basically told me I had it after reading about it out of the blue herself (thinking she had it a bit herself too) when I was 25 😅 when I’ve discussed it with the rest of my family/others they’ve pretty much all gone “yeah makes sense, you do fit the description of it to the letter” and that’s been that.

[@kickinitWithKitt]

Sam I love your videos! you speak so candidly and I feel like I have found a friend. I am also on the spectrum and I'm trying to educate others on autism. I will be following your social media and participating in your Q and A's if at all possible.

[@remfrancis]

The whole point of Aspergers is to make sense of our autism, as Dr. Lorna Wing made clear in her writings. Diagnosticians mentioning autism to somebody in the 1970s simply did not make sense to us or suggest a direction on how to do something about it. It was not a supportive term. I suggest reading Wing and also Attwood on this to get my sense.

[@edgrimm5862]

Another thing that parents who "mourn their loss" on finding out their child is autistic also lose is much of their chance that their child will actually believe that their parents loved them. My parents went anti-vax because of the correlation between the age of autism diagnosis and when vaccinations tend to be given. I've explained to them about how it feels for them to prefer I had a 15% chance to die in childhood rather than being what I was already like, and it didn't matter. It's difficult for me to imagine a parent conveying more strongly that they don't actually love their kid than that, but mourning the loss of the idea that I was the way they had deluded themselves into thinking I was feels like it would be one. To me, finding out that my parents loathed the idea of the sort of person I am was difficult. But it frees me up to focus on relationships with people who may be worth my having relationships with. To be clear, no, the anti-vax thing wasn't the bit where 'loathed the idea of the sort of person I am' came from. That's like a flag on the top of an iceberg. There's an iceberg down there that I'm not talking about. I'm fine with it, and I'm fine with not really liking people who've talked against people like me for all the years I've lived with them. That said, it was emotionally difficult to go from being a young adult who wondered if their parents would shift their attitudes about things if they knew things that said young adult had never had the courage to admit to, to one who realized fully that no, it wouldn't make any difference, and from there to where I am now. It's just that I started that journey long enough to have gotten to a point where I'm able to accept it.

[@littlewitch2813]

I have a parent who worked all their life as a teacher, who worked at a school for kids with special needs at the beginning of their career, and who has collaborated with a psychiatrist for decades to help Autistic and ADHD students. I have a sister and a close friend who are psychologists. These people have told me countless times that I do not have ADHD because I'm not hyperactive and that I'm not Autistic because I seem normal. YET here I am in my 3rd year of autistic burnout, learning, researching and listening to women that have both diagnoses done officially, and relating to everything I hear from them 100%. I wish these people would update their knowledge about Autism and ADHD and not just follow what was thought about these 30-40 years ago...

[@justshawna]

Do your symptoms ever spike? What makes them fluctuate? I have a dairy intolerance and when I eat it I'm exponentially more ADD and sensory sensitive for a few days. Plus when I'm tired or my brain is fried, I'm extra autistic.

[@enodenmad]

Anyone else notice the small spot on the wall near the top of the video? Saw it... focus constantly drifted to it... I'm waiting on my diagnosis.

[@neridafarrer4633]

So I had 7 children and I'm autistic, recently diagnosed with ASD2 and ADHD all types. Very, very difficult, but I made their wellbeing one of my very tunnel visioned focuses. My second born is ASD3 and all of my 5 boys have various diagnoses but I suspect they are all on the spectrum as well. Their dad is very anti "labels" but likes to denigrate me with the "crazy" one (he ticks all the boxes for narcissistic personality disorder). Luckily we are not together anymore and my current SO is also neurodivergent and totally gets me and loved me.

[@stevegreenwood7837]

This the problem with people they blow the whole thing out of proportion in there minds without having any real knowledge or insight about autism or any of the other on the spectrum disorders list.

[@oliviaptinto]

I told my friends and family the past week. All my friends were really cool about but my family had a hard time accepting it. They asked if I could get a second opinion.. There's no need for a second test, I knew it first, then my neurologist suspected it, and now all I have is a formal confirmation!

[@s0cializedpsych0path]

I was always treated, like the reason my emotional affect, doesn't naturally follow those of others (mostly my mother's), could only possibly be, that I have some sort of devious motives. When I would forget something, or lose something, I was always called a liar. It's the reason for this old handle... but of course, I never had any mal-intent. I just didn't realize I was supposed to react a certain way, to stimuli. I've only this year, found the real reason, why I am the way I am.

[@partialtopolish]

Do you know where that dusty pink blanket is from? The texture looks so cool!

[@portraitoftheautist]

You speak to us about ourselves, sam