10 weird autistic traits I had as a child

Although as a child, I seemed pretty normal from the outside, I kept my weird and strange autistic traits mostly to myself... until now.
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[@rachelllewellyn5094]

Charles Schultz the creator of Peanuts, sent a drawing in reply to a fan letter from a little boy. The boy's mother wrote back and said "He liked your drawing so much he ate it." and Schultz said that was the best compliment he could ever have received. Lol.

[@QJ89]

If only eating pages from a Yellow Pages directory like that mascot yielded the same results!

[@mia_monster2915]

I thought that was Maurice Sendak

[@thecoldglassofwatershow]

@@mia_monster2915 yeah came here to say that, it was definitely the writer of “where the wild things are”

[@sebastian_goat]

@@thecoldglassofwatershow That’s what I had heard too lol

[@Dimensionalalteration]

Well it makes sense to have a desire to be a part of something that you love ,and eating it is one way to make it a part of you after all you are what you eat right.

[@maxfrank1199]

I used to pretend I had imaginary friends because I thought every kid did and that I was weird for not having any.

[@thetreeseyes]

me too :( i drew up a fake imaginary friend i was sad i didn't have one

[@dracomalfoy9108]

Same here! Instead of having imaginary friends, I would always create stories and characters. One of my closest friends and I (who is also suspected to be on the spectrum) would make these “clans” of birds that we created, which we uncreatively named “peacocks”. At first, they were our enemies, and we could always “smell” rotten eggs when they got near. Eventually, we started to tame the imaginary birds. We did all of this over the course of years.

[@latesmyplace]

Same

[@-Scraggyanne-]

I did that too. I always found making friends very difficult

[@homosexualitymydearwatson4109]

I’m not autistic, just very ADHD, but I couldn’t make imaginary friends either (or when I did I would only have them for a split second and create another one that wouldn’t last long at all either) So I actually just stared at picture books and imagined the characters moving. I’d grab the lowest reading level books because those were the prettiest and had more pictures that I could use for my own interpretation (kinda like playing dolls without any dolls) and characters and I’d imagine the town and the people on the pages moving, I’d make my own stories. I kinda miss being able to play pretend.

[@alixdied4713]

I cried watching this. Regardless of if I'm autistic or not, I cried watching this because as a currently 14 y/o kid with mental health issues I've never been able to put my experiences into words, so I get overwhelmed and emotional when other people can do it for me.

[@thissupernova6491]

*hugs* I pray you are able to find balance when circumstances are challenging.

[@alixdied4713]

@@thissupernova6491 thank you!

[@cleangal71]

I cried reading this. I have a 14 yo daughter that I am going through a journey of mental health issues with. I feel lost most days and I just don't know how to fix this. I hope you both find peace in your journey.

[@thissupernova6491]

@Tracey Rodgers mama's are not always "fixers", sometimes we're the best silent supporters. In order for a person to go far, they must go together, with another. If she goes alone, she'll just go fast. I pray for you guys emotional balance on this journey and may the two of you find yourselves and each other, together ❤️.

[@alixdied4713]

@Tracey Rodgers I wish you luck. A few things I think are important from experience with my own parents: Remind you love them occasionally, don't encourage them, but let them cry as much as they need (it's also potentially a sign for opening up), start a calm but serious conversation making it clear you know somethings wrong (and that you're prepared to help), encourage leaving their room and the house but don't be mad if they dont, notice for signs of them neglecting self care and health (like skipping showers, being up very late, not cleaning their room etc) this is a bit dark but notice for potential signs of self harm or suicidle tendencies (these won't always be there, but sometimes they are. Also, hitting yourself also sadly counts) I hope this helps. Sorry if I write in a confusing way! And this might be different for them cus every child is different. The fact that you care is already a wonderful step that, sadly, not all parents take. Edit: AND OFCORSE if you can afford it, then a therapist. It's so important long term but I understand if it isn't possible!

[@Chase3163]

I vividly remember a teacher very seriously calling me a liar because of how many times I said I was sick to go home early. Now I know I was not really ill but overwhelmed and just needed a quiet space to retreat and feel safe, but her telling me that I was "the boy that cried wolf" shook me to my core. I felt like she hated me and that she thought I should be punished for my need to escape, so I began to deliberately lie to my mom about being sick to not even go to school in the first place. Then when that didn't work, I would find ways to hide in school or leave early without telling any adults where I was going. I was seven at the time.

[@mutoidliz2320]

I used to hide in school whenever I could. I also used to wait until everyone else had gone into class before turning up slightly late ,just to avoid being in the queue!

[@Unni_Havas]

I learned already in day care how to get out of situation. When we was outside, after a while I said I had to pee, no one is going to tell a 4-5 year old to hold it, so I get to go inside to pee, and I just never got out again, but enjoyed being alone inside. Though eventually the adults figured out they had to keep track of time when I said I had to go, as they realized I tended to take my sweet time getting back out.

[@jennifermccarthy6733]

After a melt down on a school trip (foreign country, different food, new meds, routines disturbed, then a teacher going back on what they'd said and that was just the last "straw") I was told that I use anger to try and control people... Very confusing as I hadn't been trying to control anyone and hadn't meant to be angry or upset... I spent years trying to figure out how to control my anger better, thinking I must be a dreadful person for innately using anger this way. Over a decade later, and multiple therapists, mindfulness finally helped a little, as it helps me to pick up the body cues that I'm getting frustrated or overwhelmed before the emotions burst out or I have a meltdown... And the diagnosis helped me make sense of it and realise I wasn't a bad person who was using anger to try and control people. Teachers can say such unhelpful things, about things they plain don't understand, without realising the damage it does. Then there are the occasional fantastic teachers who go out of their way to help you learn useful coping strategies, because even without any suspicion of a diagnosis they can see you need some extra support.

[@dahyimi2185]

It actually made me quite upset that Sam said "I lied about being ill or unwell when I was anxious or overwhelmed"... Well, I guess I just interpreted that she'd say "I'm not feeling well", and that bothered me because she was really feeling unwell and anxiety is a very real illness, so it's not a lie!!! But now I'm guessing perhaps she'd say she had a fever, or a stomach ache or something, and yeah, that would be a lie, a sadly very necessary lie because, indeed, too many people think some illnesses are more real than others.

[@alrahbimom]

I’m sorry my heart heard every word. My 3 rd grade son is getting it hard from his teacher. He day dreams and can’t hear task so she tells him she said it go sit down. Now he is hesitant

[@lestariabadi]

One time I was punished in school, locked up alone in a meeting room. Was so disappointed when the punishment was over. Teachers didn’t know being alone in a bright, quiet, big room was a treat, not a punishment. They didn’t need to lock the door, I’d gladly stay there all day.

[@animeloveer97]

lmao i liked being groiunded cause it meant id be left alone

[@TXhummingbirdhideout]

When I would get sent in the hall for punishment. 😂 it was my favorite! Best school days were sitting in the hall.

[@thegregdavieschannel]

My school used to send me to the library as punishment. I loved it so much I learned how to play up and get myself sent out.

[@LaVonneEllis]

My mother always said she couldn’t punish me by sending me to my room, because I was very happy all by myself. She could tell me to turn off the radio (no TV in my room then) and I was fine with my imagination. Turn off the light at night? Perfectly fine, good thing she didn’t believe in corporal punishment, lol.

[@LaVonneEllis]

I had a fixation that still lingers a bit, that I was being watched, first, by my father, who had recently died, then, by angels, then, by God himself. I imagined that the poster of Ricky Nelson on my wall was a portal, allowing him to see me all the way from Hollywood. I wound up dressing, peeing, and bathing in the dark. Still do, although I know perfectly well nobody’s watching me.

[@elladoggy9946]

And I used to push on my eyes to see lots of different colours when I got overwhelmed!! I thought everybody did it

[@Catlily5]

I would stare at a light or a window without blinking and then close my eyes and watch the colors.

[@bunkayke2554]

Thiiiiis!

[@amandachapman4708]

Ohhhh yes! I had forgotten this.

[@Chelsey-Cello]

I did that too

[@Chelsey-Cello]

@@Catlily5 yes!!

[@roadlesstraveled34]

"being physically sick is more acceptable than what's going on in my head..." god that hit home big time. My childhood was RIDDLED with self imposed shame.

[@Heterogeneity]

Same. Adults around me piled more shame on, but I made a lot of it myself.

[@sacrilegiousboi978]

Hypermobility is super common in AuDHD females. The majority have it. As soon as you said you hated standing and crossing your legs or standing on tiptoes would make you feel better, I instantly suspected hypermobility and possibly POTS/low blood pressure. And then unsurprisingly you went on to say you find it hard to get comfortable when sitting normally, also a classic symptom.

[@bolinhong2598]

I helped my son reduce aggression and improve in speech and social skill with the help of Dr Oyalo herbal supplement I got from KZbin here. His herbs work perfectly

[@Cindy99765]

Woahh that's a really interesting link. I highly suspect I have ADHD and I deal with creaky leg joints, with hyperextended arms! I was curious if I might have EDS but I don't think I have enough hypermobile traits.

[@AlexisTwoLastNames]

is fainting common? i have fainted quite a few times in my life.

[@sacrilegiousboi978]

@@Cindy99765 hypermobility is a spectrum - a lot like ASD/ADHD. My ND friend has hypermobile fingers, arms and flat feet but otherwise isn’t particularly flexible. I’m not particularly flexible but my joints click a lot and I have posture, neck and upper back problems, I have slight dysautonomia and ADD.

[@sacrilegiousboi978]

@@AlexisTwoLastNames yes, very common especially if you tend to feel dizzy or get palpitations upon standing up quickly or standing for too long. My ND friend is in a choir and he fainted from standing for too long, he has hypermobile arms, fingers and low blood pressure.

[@rondarawson6236]

I liked to read alot because I could actually see the book in a film in my head...

[@CaroDuran29]

Broooo sameeeeeee

[@jaydenmiranda6455]

Wait that’s not a normal thing!?!?!?!?

[@sterichardsson]

Again, whaaaa? Isn't that a regular thing? Just asked my partner and apparently not. Mind blown!

[@marcenepinkerton5031]

I thought that was so normal

[@purdygirlxo]

MEEEE TOOOOOO

[@LilMorphineAnnie]

Omg the lying about feeling sick at school just because of anxiety. Yep. That’s my childhood.

[@pinlight97]

It’s my parenthood times 2 of my 3 kids. Even in online school from home during Covid. 😂👌🙄

[@grdt56546trgrdytr]

I never lied that much because every morning I'd get so anxious I'd have stomach pain and throw up from coughing (because of the high heart rate). Would happen the night before as well :(

[@alladreamwedreamed]

My greatest memory of high school is the 6 weeks of junior year I got to stay home because I had mono🤣 I felt fine but was "contagious." Wow a month in bed, what a sacrifice haha

[@pyruvicac.id_]

@@grdt56546trgrdytr same, half the time i did actually have massive stomach issues or migraines so bad i had to puke...

[@grdt56546trgrdytr]

@@pyruvicac.id_ yeah and it was so bad they'd take me to the docs a lot, but of course once my body realised I deffo wasn't going to school it would go away so the docs thought I was faking :| why they didn't make the connection to some severe anxiety I have no idea..

[@RudeOptics]

So I have a tendency to dig into depressive episodes where I can't get myself to take my meds, work, but I've managed to get myself to at least feed myself and walk the dog. On these days I try to work myself out of it by watching videos like yours. I cried a lot on this one. Late diagnosis makes me think back on childhood a lot. This is so relatable.

[@booklover6166]

It’s hard walking my dog some days too but I look at him and I tell him he’s a good boy and I take him out. It’s not him it’s the fact that I don’t want to go outside sometimes

[@dragonfloof5484]

I did this too for a long time. Recently some of my other conditions have gotten worse, so there are days when I physically can't walk him, but he gave me that little shred of motivation to get up on days when my mind felt like a physical weight.

[@zapheil]

If your meds are the type that need to build up in your system before they really start working, then not taking your meds might be reinforcing this cycle, sadly. My advice would be to put your meds where you have to interact with the bottle(s) in order to do something else that you do have the energy for. For example, set them on top of the dog’s food container - something you’re not likely to end up avoiding due to associated anxiety about how you don’t feel the energy to take the meds. The idea is that, if you have to interact with the med bottles anyways, it’s not too much more effort to open them and take the meds.

[@visionvixxen]

This is where I am today. Wasted my day trying to get out of my head and into my body. Depressed and unable to exercise- which usually gets me to just below a sort of baseline. This is torture and All I want to do is figure a way out

[@aspidoscelistigris]

Chloe-That’s me today.

[@julialay6632]

The fantasy world is so relatable! I did this up to age 18, when I brought it up to my therapist. At first I thought it was some type of maladaptive daydreaming. Turns out it’s some kind of obsessive disassociation tool that I’d use to help ‘escape’ from my everyday troubles. It slowly faded after I got into a serious relationship and in turn spent my time thinking about the relationship instead of the fantasy!

[@stellamariss3335]

From what I understand that’s what maladaptive daydreaming is. Cause I do it too. Well I used to do it severely but now I have more control

[@karenpowers2225]

Is this the same thing as limerence?

[@bolinhong2598]

I helped my son reduce aggression and improve in speech and social skill with the help of Dr Oyalo herbal supplement I got from KZbin here. His herbs work perfectly

[@TheLastEgg08]

No f’ing way this is real, I’ve had a persona take my place from age 8 till probably age 19. Thanks for the info.

[@marianaosone]

I totally relate to this fantasy world when I was a kid and also with the thinking about the relationship thing you brought up. The imagination about the relationship was so horrible, I would think everyday the person would stop liking me and decide to break up and this would go on through the whole relationship until the profecy would me completed and the person would finally break things up.

[@stacykorinek3169]

Did anyone else walk on the sides of their feet as a child?

[@bonkersallday]

Yes

[@arielfox69]

I still do sometimes. Often I stand on the sides of my feet now or I guess roll my ankles. I haven't been diagnosed but I have some strong suspicions

[@curlypuff]

Yes, my sisters pointed it out to me in a rather rude way. I use supports in my shoes to help me not to cuz its not great for my feet

[@fungirlwinx]

I did up until a few years ago when started getting ankle pain. Still have the urge too just too painful

[@littleflor2975]

I did that up until age 33

[@sarawawa8984]

I can’t comprehend people who are perfectly okay with standing still for prolonged periods of time

[@leahtheanimationfan40]

Even as an adult, I can't stand up for very long. If I'm having a conversation with someone, I prefer to sit down. After I've been standing awile, I'll start to rock back and forth and bounce on my tiptoes

[@meriahtigner]

Me either but it hurts my joints.

[@Orchidlettux]

The heels of my feet become sore :(

[@bloodmanor8]

That's why I decided not to join the military.

[@zahraismail7312]

@@bloodmanor8 lmaoo

[@AuthenticHollyHaygood]

Your honesty and vulnerability is not only refreshing, it is quite lovely. And you are truly able to help people because of this. Thank you

[@Delhihousingagency]

I saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for Your herbs on KZbin. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement.

[@YTistooannoying]

My son is a psychology major. He came home one day and presented me with several tests, including a masking test. I scored low on the typical test, but really high to the others, especially the masking test. Took an aspergers test and got 138 out of 200. As for ear worms... OMG, I once got The Christmas Song stuck in my head until July one year. I have to avoid Lilly Allen songs because they really really get stuck and drive me insane. I lived in a fantasy world too but as for religious beliefs I am very, very spiritual but I have had far too many miracles and paranormal experiences to not believe. I also still believe in Santa but not as everyone else does. I would lie about being sick too. I had a very difficult time in school and I never wanted to be there because I was so very uncomfortable there. I've never had texture issues with food, but I have bad reactions to having dry skin and touching things with that dry skin. I use a lot of lotion. Noise is big for me. Heavy bass or too much treble or the balance messed up at all and it will give me a melt down. Looking at things I think are ugly, like clothes with ugly colors and patterns will make me feel sick. Another thing is, I am a picker. I will pop all your zits. I will dig into your hair or ears. I used to pour sand in the crew cuts of my male friends heads so that I could pick out the sand. I was the weird girl running around the neighborhood always singing and spinning in my own magical world. Adults, older kids, and peers thought I was weird but I had a whole following of little kids who easily slid into my imagination with me.

[@Andrea-pr7wo]

It's so scary how I'm just like you.

[@iamgiatho]

ADHD diagnosed 30 years ago, Autistic seeds of suspicion planted 5 years ago - thriving little wildflowers in this brain now 😊 Cheers for reminding me I had a Lily Allen song stuck in my head for 2 months and it had finally escaped some time last week - it's ok tho, I am here for all of the sass in her lyrics 😝 Not necessarily paranormal but freakishly helpful intuition when I'm not clouded by environmental factors or anxiety to listen to it. I also experience recurring dreams and lucid dreaming, parts of which link to my intuition and warn me of some dangers. I very vividly remember lying to a teacher who was humiliating me in 5th grade (I was 10-11) about whether or not I'd taken my medication at lunch. I told her I had so she would leave me alone - she seemed to pick on me a lot (something else I just remembered but will wait a sec⭐). She then quietly sent someone to ask the principal to check (rude that she couldn't have quietly asked me if I had, but had to yell it across the room in front of everyone - and I was at a new school, trying to make friends, omg - yet found it quite easy and ok to keep her evil plan to make my Sh!t List on the DL) and when they returned, she put me in detention for lying. That stung. ⭐ She tried to humilate me at my first Craft Club. I'd never worked with Copper Art before and she laughed at the picture I'd chosen and told me it was for an advanced level and I wouldn't be able to do it... by the 3rd or 4th Craft Club I presented her with a perfectly debossed Lion King scene 😏 and I won a prize for Clubs for it at the end of the year. HA! *smug af* 😁 I have texture and taste issues with food. I eat everything separately/individually. But I can manage burgers with multiple food items (if they're the same or similar texture - anti soft with crunch or crunch with something pastey like mashed chickpeas). Also, connected to the contradicting myself, I can't do chunky fruit/punch type drinks but can't drink orange juice without the pulp lol I'm not ok with spices/curries or chilies - nothing too overstimulating. My dad puts a heaped teaspoon of red curry paste in everything he cooks and has ruined many foods for me. I get reactions too - I have psoriasis and allergic contact dermatitis. With the ACD I react to some detergents and most acrylates (I was a Nail Tech). With the psoriasis, cold or windy weather are not my friends. I can fall asleep next to a speaker playing heavy metal, but I can't function if I can hear eg. a distant and irregular beeping sound, or irregular hammering that I'm not in control of. Power to all the tradies who can work in pace with a metronome 😆 My face has zero tact around unpleasant things that distract and disturb me. I turn away for that reason. I am also a picker 💜💜 and we are few and far between 😭 I have a friend who is the only picker I trust to pick me but she lives in a different state now, so I have essentially trained myself to be a contortionist 😂😂 Sorry this relating/info-dump was so long 😅 I always tryyy to keep it short 😬 LOL never works!

[@iamgiatho]

😅 missed a thing... Santa... I believed in the magic and really miss that. And yet now, I can't deal with the not-knowing-what-a-gift-is. Santa was ruined for me as a kid, by my sister who made me hide under lounge chairs with her to watch our parents wrap presents... it still blew my mind how they were able to get all our "Santa" gifts to our aunty's house in the city tho... they couldn't hide them in the car!! ✨😮✨ lol 💯 magic!!

[@lauranilsen8988]

@@iamgiatho I love reading all these traits and I can relate to so many. I'm also a big picker. Somehow my husband missed that when we were dating. He insisted I stop picking and finger tapping and nail flicking while we were having a serious discussion but that didn't last long cause I told him I can only think about stopping. I learned to put my hands under my legs or under a pillow. Definitely not around his neck. It only bothered him because he thought I wasn't paying attention to the conversation if I was doing those things. I don't think it bothers him anymore (married 31 years). Oh, and I paid 2 of my kids to let me squeeze his black heads. 😂 Fortunately I can eat ANYTHING as long as it's good for me. Nutrition/natural health is one of my special interests.😁 But I like to eat one thing at a time, saving the best for last. Oh, and I have a bunch of food and chemical sensitivities. I don't like to swim because I CANNOT stand how it makes my hands feel! I love loud worship music! 🙌 I don't remember believing in Santa. My brother, who recently told me he thinks he's autistic also, told me the truth when we were very young. I couldn't imagine telling one lie after another to keep my children believing in Santa. NO WAY. We just didn't do it. I got my degree in psychology. As I've gotten older I've gotten more songs stuck in my head or writing songs in my head. When I get sick of the current song I just turn on some music and I'm fine. Can't imagine getting a song stuck in my head for months! 😲 And one more thing! I have a ton of discernment. I'm rarely surprised when someone gets a divorce and almost never surprised when one of my kids tells me they are struggling with something or tells me that friend was "such a bad influence" (duh. I knew the second I saw her even though there was nothing bad about her appearance). If something comes to mind I start praying cause it'll usually come out later. I have also had crazy prayers answered!

[@TheBUDDYandSHADOWshow]

I ALSO believe in Santa!!! You and I are a lot alike.

[@julieabraham3566]

Lying about what's really going on inside. That is my life. Inventing a fake illness on the spot is so much easier and less exhausting than trying to explain AND JUSTIFY my mood for the moment. Saying, "I have a headache," is so much easier than saying: "I have been building a scenario in my head, inspired from something that happened a year ago, which has upset me and I although I am happy with the person in reality, the person in the section of the scenario that I have invented has really upset me. I am also frustrated because this hasn't really happened but I want to respond to it as if it were real. I am also upset because this is MY head but I can't stop my head from inventing more of the scenario and it's taking up space!!!"

[@meriahtigner]

I really resonate with your words. I've been working to a place of believing my feelings are more valid than any excuse I could make. I also think it signifies better trust in the person I'm communicating with.

[@evilguysmiley]

I learnt as a kid that 'I feel sick' was acceptable by adults but 'I feel weird' was weird/not normal. Unlearning lying about how I feel has/is a hard journey

[@Totallyfine29_]

same thing here

[@blu4085]

I reckon what you described , you are perfectly ok with just saying -I have a headache. It doesn't sound like a lie at all. Describing ones real thoughts and mentality to other people never actually seems to be a good thing. That is my experience.

[@hannahk787]

Ahh you put it into words! Also my mum (very dear to me but isn’t very helpful toward mental health) is very physically focused- what event caused this headache/ sadness/ exhaustion, etc. I never know how to put into words that I feel emotionally/ socially exhausted rather than just I had a late night

[@v.applebaum8956]

Hair chewer, paper eater, foot tapper, finger tapper, finger chewer, loner, lived in an imaginary world, would rather be anywhere than where I was.

[@Charmayne7]

I didn't chew my hair, but everything else was spot on. Gulp. 😲

[@lisaabbwtt6118]

That can also spill over into post traumatic stress disorder... Don't self diagnose...get it checked out.

[@ebsgolightly3015]

Yep

[@patton3914]

I spent my whole life hiding the fact I'd eat paper as a child. Never knew why

[@hisomebodytrackingmuch1309]

Same! Pica is also connected to not enough iron in diet @@lisaabbwtt6118 I suspect at least both, for me

[@darkstarr984]

I did the hair sucking one all the time as a kid! And I still have the fidgeting, and standing or sitting in positions that may seem unusual, probably related more to ADHD (which I have been diagnosed with). Being characters is one way that someone could look at things. The tapping out songs is something that my entire immediate family does. I also used to play in my mom’s closet. She accepted it totally… wow.

[@bolinhong2598]

I helped my son reduce aggression and improve in speech and social skill with the help of Dr Oyalo herbal supplement I got from KZbin here. His herbs work perfectly

[@Jessica-dl7hq]

You spoke in the “fidgeting” part about standing with your feet switched and it felt like your legs were giving each other a hug. I’ve read that when you reverse your feet like that it helps with left-brain/right-brain connection. I think it’s interesting that you naturally did that.

[@bolinhong2598]

I helped my son reduce aggression and improve in speech and social skill with the help of Dr Oyalo herbal supplement I got from KZbin here. His herbs work perfectly

[@buntzy2]

Folding the arms across my body also has the same effect. Secure-feeling and calming. It's also something called "crossing the midline" which has been shown to improve brain connectivity in children.

[@Britiswitz]

As my 13 year-old Aspie son would say, “Nobody’s normal, everybody’s weird”.

[@beebale1356]

If everyone is weird then weird is normal

[@Britiswitz]

@@beebale1356 True, but normal implies uniformity, whereas if everyone is weird then they can be weird in entirely different ways. 😁

[@halliekeeler9238]

I agree. Everyone is weird. I love being weird and eccentric ♥️♥️♥️

[@karistone1297]

He's right! I had to try to explain to my daughter the other day why I prefer to eat alone. I get so much indigestion if I eat and people are talking to me. I struggle when eating out with others in restaurants, especially if it's noisy. Mostly I only eat a few spoonfuls...Yep, I'm a weirdo!

[@elizabethsullivan7176]

Your son is very smart. 😊

[@gardeniablossom4077]

My peers discovered I was hiding in the bathrooms at lunch so my teachers then gave me permission to spend lunch alone in the classroom while all the other kids were in the cafeteria. It was a blessing I so appreciated and needed.

[@Anna-tc6rz]

I wish I had such an understanding school. I hid in the bathrooms all through high school

[@virglibrsaglove]

Our music director used to let his students eat lunch in the music room. And he gave me permanent passes to the music room for any free period I had. I did practice my music there. And he tutored me. But I think he knew that his music kids needed to hide. He let the forensics kids hide there with us, too.

[@tenadefiant]

Some teachers are so understanding. They don't get paid enough for what they do

[@virglibrsaglove]

@@tenadefiant Agreed. He was the best part about the whole school.

[@poopypooppoop1042]

Im on the autistic spectrum. Hiding in bathrooms isnt by anxiety for me but i just like doing it. My grandma calls me a bathroom dweller for it.

[@life4living216]

We are in the process of getting my daughter diagnosed. When you mentioned standing with your legs having your right and left foot switched. 😮 I never saw anyone do that besides my daughter. For some reason it made me feel emotional and validated that it’s not in my head. I love her quirks and would never ask her to stop because it makes her feel cozy as she says

[@wishfulbeauty]

If you are referring to the “stance” as standing like a 🦩flamingo. Then I would be like your daughter. I also do this . 😁 I tend do it a ton when I have to do Dishes 🦩

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@aggmeister]

I was diagnosed this year at 16 years old. This is comforting, thank you. I LOVE when someone finally talks about the correlation of autism and eating disorders. I’ve been in recovery from anorexia for a year and a half. People usually think of ARFID or PICA with autism but I found that anorexia is also incredibly common. Mostly because anorexia can manifest in a need for control. Autistic people have a lot of rules, including myself, so I fell into a dark pit of control and became anorexic. Id love to talk about it more if anyone is interested

[@bolinhong2598]

I helped my son reduce aggression and improve in speech and social skill with the help of Dr Oyalo herbal supplement I got from KZbin here. His herbs work perfectly

[@AlexisTwoLastNames]

please speak on it more! i often feel so powerful when i forgo eating. i don’t want to feel this way and at least i do eat at least once a day.

[@unoriginalbun8325]

Me: I have ADHD, not Autism, so I probably won’t relate to most of these. The very first one: Eating paper Me: Oh shit

[@spiIIways]

i ate paper in kindergarten LMAO

[@chocolatepudding1241]

I ate my own hair when I was a kid O_O

[@LivingEncyclopedia]

Same here. I’m starting to wonder how much overlap there is with autism and ADHD, because I related to the majority of these

[@moonhajung6742]

@@LivingEncyclopedia I KNOW RIIGGHT!!! That always seems to be the problem with me, too. I can relate so much with ASD traits over watching her videos, but all I know is, "Ehh, but that's coming from my ADHD/giftedness?" It has been months and my question is still the same: Does ADHD and ASD have *_this_*_ much_ overlaps or do I actually have both????

[@aerimara]

Me: remembering eating entire manila envelopes..... Me: still very familiar with the taste of my own hair Me: "ah."

[@amandasherman6813]

“I used to hide in the toilet” My literal brain: “How in the heck did she fit in the bowl?!”

[@meep1913]

AHAHAAH I THOUGHT THE SAME THING

[@shannont7461]

@Vanessa D “toilets” are what we call the whole room here in britain. when we’re out places we say things like “do you know if this place has any toilets?”

[@susanb7787]

Same! lol

[@JustAnEmptyCageGirl]

Maybe because she said "small places - like cupboards" to lead to it? So the brain went straight to small objects? Mine did.

[@karistone1297]

We say the same thing in Australia. For example, my dog has his bedroom "in the toilet"....no, he doesn't sleep in the bowl, we call the room the toilet....

[@ankhmorporkgirl5317]

I suspect I'm also an undiagnosed high functioning autistic woman, from all the habits you described. As a child in primary school, I also told my fellow classmates that Santa never existed and refused to apologise to the teachers for telling them the truth or understood why they were upset by this and was regularly known as the 'problem child' in my school. Also, can relate to the lack of social/communication skills growing up, hiding in small dark places to get away from people and the living in my head, (I still do this regularly) plus the finger tapping and the need to walk up and down to calm myself when stressed. It all falls into place now and love my weird little quirks.

[@Unni_Havas]

I never hid in closet, (except when I was very little, like 2 I'm told), but we had a lot of nature right outside and I spend a lot of time alone in the forest or near the sea, even in between classes at school, I would go out to places I knew few other people came, and hide if I heard anyone coming my way.

[@EmmaJohnsonShenanigans]

I always thought I liked being alone because I’ve been homeschooled my whole life and my brain didn’t want me to interact with others as a “safety precaution” or something lol

[@bolinhong2598]

I helped my son reduce aggression and improve in speech and social skill with the help of Dr Oyalo herbal supplement I got from KZbin here. His herbs work perfectly

[@cherylbarrel9966]

Love!

[@invisiblewizard2538]

As an adult, I had to buy a new copy of Watership Down because I'd eaten about 25% of my original! Thanks for sharing - your videos are going to be a great help to me in explaining all my traits for my upcoming diagnosis session.

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@skeesuschrist2162]

When you said “hiding in toilets” I immediately thought you hid in the actual toilet, not the bathroom lol

[@mobileore]

Yeah me too, I was like "wtf" for quite a while. Even funnier considering I also used to hang out in toilets.

[@alexba1ley]

Same. I pictured you inside the toilet bowl.

[@leahtheanimationfan40]

I think that's what the British call generic restroom facilities

[@kyttynkross1121]

That makes so much more sense. And... I... fuck. I still do that. And now I'm not sure if my lizard brain is trying to get me to go to a "safe space" (a small, dimly lit, private ish area, with a locking door, where I wont be bothered for a least a little) by giving me the urge to go, or if its legit just overeactive bladder due to anxiety. But rough days at work result in a lot visits to the toilet.

[@meriahtigner]

I had to translate that too

[@sodorflubbs5000]

I still invent characters and tell myself stories. Especially as I live alone.

[@cameron4015]

I’m glad I’m not the only one

[@anndixon4577]

I suspect that this is fairly normal.

[@Kate98755]

i thought i was crazy, i've noticed it happens with boredom or stress...i have so much to do now it seldom happens...but i still talk out loud to someone i need to discuss something with...but they're not there...i'm working out my talking points and argument plan😂😂it's a verbal journey. i have practiced how i would explain things to a counselor and realized it would take several sessions, so then would work to pare it diwn🤦‍♀️

[@DungeonJoltik]

My imagination is to active, so whenever I do that (which is quite often) at this point I have an extremely detailed universe with multiple different time lines so whenever I start a completely new story (which is approximately every 6 months) the steps go as followed 1 choose what planet they were born on, what kind of alien (or earth creature) they are. 2 have them go on some short adventures where I almost completely control what they do (this is to help design there personality more thoroughly) 3 designed EVERY possible time line following there entire lives! Cus yu know you wouldn’t want to settle with one version of there lives when there could be a better version waiting for them in a different timeline, right?

[@corinney.839]

This is how I put myself to sleep--making up stories with me as the main character. I've done it as long as I can remember.

[@tales.of.adventure]

I related to many of these childhood traits! As a 90s kid, I remember “rocking” my feet as well as locking my legs. Even in college, I would often take off my shoes and wander the halls barefoot or sit on the floor during class. It was common to find me under a table/desk working on a project instead of sitting “proper” at the desk. I found all kinds of hidey holes to cozy up into! I often got bored waiting around for someone to notice I was missing tho.. 😉

[@bolinhong2598]

I helped my son reduce aggression and improve in speech and social skill with the help of Dr Oyalo herbal supplement I got from KZbin here. His herbs work perfectly

[@cmdub97]

I was so confused when you said the part about "hiding in toilets." I had spoken to my son today about the time he got stuck in the bowl of the toilet and I realized that the toilet beans the restroom/bathroom in the UK. Then my brain caught up and I realized I hide in my room and/or car often.

[@kathleen9812]

I had the same picture in my head, hiding in an actual toilet😂😂

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@citizenfalco]

Same

[@BrickNewton]

I didn't hide in toilets/bathrooms at primary school or high school as I had an aversion for going into them for some reason. But now.looking back I definitely did it at home, and still do it in work or social settings when I feel overwhelmed

[@buntzy2]

I definitely used bathroom stalls to retreat to when upset or lonely at school. It was the only place. Sit there and cry, try to calm down and wait for my face to get normal again.....ended up crying more. I'm a teacher now and still find it soothing to just take a quiet break in a bathroom stall away from ALL THE PEOPLE!

[@fluffyinvader8133]

once we learned typing in school, i would type out my thoughts on an imaginary keyboard in my lap a lot. like a diary that didnt exist. I stopped doing it when a teacher was yelling at the whole class for something i didnt have any part in, and she asked me what i was doing, and i said typing, she basically mocked me in front of the whole class. gotta love american public school huh

[@nogoodname909]

I started doing this when I learned to type at 15, and still do it now, at the age of 41. Before I learned to type, I used my pointer finger to write things out in cursive...typing made this stim a lot more efficient. 😆 Sorry your teacher mocked you for it, though.

[@erinrow399]

This this this!!! So my mom and I both type things in the air with our fingers on invisible keyboards. Neither of us knew till recently were autistic and neither of us knew the other person also did the typing thing.

[@FromTheAshes7]

Oh my God, you unlocked another one for me!!! How the hell did I forget about this?!

[@Ash.MR.]

I do this myself

[@beesquestionmark]

I love typing, I’m surprised I never did this. I would imagine all the words in the air tho cuz I watched an episode of criminal minds (which I was obsessed with) where this guy imagined all the words people said and based on what color the letters were was how he knew who to trust.

[@samanthasteell]

My parents called me "nature girl" because I would talk to the trees outside of my house and gave them all names. They were like my second family. The smallest tree was female and called Betsy 😂🌲💖

[@jasmin5858]

This is adorable! :) It reminds me a bit of Anne (Anne with an E)

[@sophiea1270]

I was called bug girl 🥰

[@BIBLE-a-s-m-r]

My mom called me that too!!

[@evelynschlosser8088]

For me it was cars. I used to name them on my way to school. Usually people tended to park in the same space everyday so I saw a lot of them on a daily bases. They were my friends and when I saw two cars of the same brand and color in different locations, I "connected" them in my mind so that they could speak to each other. 🚙🚗🛻😹

[@violetindigo8514]

Wow maybe you're Indigo Child? 😊

[@Flufferz342]

The more videos I watch from you the more and more I relate. (Diagnosed with Aspergers when I was small and ADHD in my teens. I’m 24 now) The imaginary world thing is spot on and I still do it to this day but not as much now as I met more and more people now. Listening to music is one of the biggest triggers for it to kick in. I’d lock myself in my room for hours rocking in my bed or pacing back and forth thinking, laughing and talking to myself for hours. It’s super embarrassing when people catch me doing it. Turning them into creative writing was a huge outlet for my overactive imagination. (my ear worms are like an infestation at this point 😂) I also do the tapping thing too with my fingers, pacing like a maniac or fiddling with my feet are also somethings I do as well. The paper thing I did sometimes but for me it was more stickers and tape. I’d peel off stickers and tape and chew on it and taste all the different adhesives. A kid caught me pulling a sticker off my school desk and was mortified by me doing this. I stopped that from embarrassment 😅 But it shifted to biting and picking my nails and cuticles and I still do that to adulthood when I’m feeling really stressed. One of my stims is water, I’d be in the bathroom for a really long time staring at the faucet and just letting the water run off my hands, I did this too in the shower and it would annoy my parents because of how much they’d complain about the water bill. I don’t play with water as much now but water is still really comforting. (I’d also spend all day in swimming pools) My biggest hyper fixation is animals and I still love animals to this day. As a child I’d pretend to be a big cat cuz that’s what I was obsessed with at the time 😅 Walking on all fours, making the sounds of a tiger but this was only in private. The hyper fixation then went to snakes and lizards (I didn’t act like them though so I grew out of that) I now have my own reptiles and I’m glad because their scales are a good Stim for me especially snakes and the feeling of them slithering. They’re quiet and not loud and jumpy like dogs. (I do love dogs but I prefer animals that aren’t so energetic) Now I’m getting really big into fish cuz my job currently is working with aquariums. So far absolutely loving it and it’s all I’m talking about now is fish 😂 I’ve got my own tanks set up now and everything. Best of both worlds scales and Water and watching them is so fascinating 🥰 I didn’t hide in closets but I loved finding corners to sit in at school especially private reading but during recess and stuff I’d be away from the other kids usually under the slide playing in the sand by myself. Hiding in bathroom stalls is something I still do to this day when I’m feeling overwhelmed. But being in a quiet room alone is my happy place. People always knew what spots I claimed cuz I’d squirrel my things away in in those spots. If my things weren’t there I’d have a freak 😅 I wasn’t the kind of person to go around telling everyone Santa wasn’t real I always just kept things to myself but I am wicked blunt without meaning to be sometimes it just slips out and makes everything really awkward. But something I did a lot was mimicking the “norms” so I’d fit in and the lying to cover up my quirks when I’m in public or around my family. Some of my family members forget sometimes that I’m on the Autism scale because of how much I mimic what I see in public and what’s socially acceptable. The lying to hide my shame in my weirdness hit home for me personally. 😅 I did a lot of weird things and I have cringe attacks to this day of memories that would slip in my head in my daily life and I fester on them just wondering why I did these things. I always knew it was part of my neurodiversity but it’s still embarrassing to think about 😂

[@herewegokids7]

Me in public spaces: overwhelmed and overstimulated Me in the bathroom stall: this is more like it!

[@Flufferz342]

@@herewegokids7 Exactly! XDD

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@melbird-dw3su]

Thank you for addressing the lying due to shame. So many people proudly wear "truth tellers" when in fact it not so, certainly not across the board. It's called individualism, no two are alike! I sure appreciate your share!

[@charisthomas3300]

Maladaptive daydreaming...huge habit into my adult life, even after I had children. Had what seems like a near death experience and it all went away, almost overnight. Strange.

[@nottoday3561]

I used to do it constantly as a child but not after i finished high school

[@savanimay]

How did your maladaptive daydreaming go away overnight??? What!? I feel like I would have near death experience too! I'm just so accustomed to it. It's a huge part of my life. I can't imagine it without it.

[@jedrashidul6952]

Mine went away after a real wild trip

[@charisthomas3300]

@@savanimay I was in a huge depression and suicidal and I just made a decision that life had no meaning, because it felt like I was always someone else/ somewhere else. But after I made the decision that it was meaningless and over I felt like I had a visitation, I had like a vision of a lady in a purple dress and I felt like a steady stream of unconditional love. And then for the next six weeks I kept having what felt like a digital download, that I am responsible for everything in my life, that I am experiencing the consequence of every choice I ever made. I kept hearing the phrase "you have been so mean to her". I couldn't figure out who the you was in relation to the her or who was speaking. The maladaptive daydreaming was a way to avoid responsibility for my life or the cruel judgment I had passed on myself. Once I realized I'm responsible for everything, every choice I make, I stopped daydreaming. I still kind of daydream but I am the center of the daydream now, where before it was like characters in a play watching a television show. But I focus now on goals and visualizing what my future could be. I believe in the Freudian psychology of the three parts of your brain, the ID is like survival it's like a computer where our bodies are just programmed to survive and procreate, and then there's the ego and I think that's like an inner child that's who we think we are. And then there's a super ego and the superego can be very defensive of the inner child or very critical, mine was very mean and critical I had very horrible self-talk there was abusing the inner child. At least that's the most sense I can make of the whole experience.

[@boredshrimp9425]

It's like your brain got a reality check, I also have mdd, I hate it

[@EMILYHERRERA]

I was a weird child, and chose to spend most of my time in my head. I did a lot of things you've mentioned, and more obsessive, false realities that I kept to myself. I've always talked to myself as well, especially to process my thoughts/feelings. I still do that, though alone. I suppose I felt shame so I tried hide so much of the things I did. I was far happier in my own world than dealing with reality.

[@Hapenparadise]

I suspect you COULD deal just preferred to have your own thoughts! Me too!😉

[@NullCantHandleFreddie]

I still have these fantasies in my head actually. And thanks to role playing, I have put my thoughts out onto paper (or should I say, phone screen) And watch my characters interact with others. Although I still go back into my mind just creating alternate realities y, know?

[@EMILYHERRERA]

@@NullCantHandleFreddie I absolutely know. I've never stopped being an obsessive person 😅 That's awesome that you are watching them play out & interact. ❤️ I sometimes think how lucky am I that I can easily find people with brains like me, when I could have been born just twenty years earlier, been none the wiser, just believe I'm an alien or whatever someone incorrectly diagnosed me with.

[@SilvyDancer]

Im the same, really relate with what you said

[@Unni_Havas]

I used to read a lot of books, and one of my favorite past time when I was not reading, was to insert myself into the story in one role or the other, (not taking over a role, but a reason I was there and how I would deal with everything going on in the books).

[@koyotestudios4182]

Wow! So many of these are me. Lying about feeling sick or unwell was a big ones (American schools didn't allow them to give us anything in the nurses office so I actually often got to go home usually) or saying I'm not hungry or saying I had eaten earlier to avoid offending people hit home. I make up stories with characters in my head to this day too. A lot of these hit home.

[@lauriemyers3]

I loved this video! My daughter is 22 and was diagnosed at 15. I KNEW something was special about her at a young age, but when OCD starting taking over her life, Asperger’s ended up being her diagnosis. A few of the “strange” things she did was walk on the balls of her feet (which she stills does), she’s very very VERY picky eater, would only drink milk, she would pretend to be a dog…all day long…walking on her hands and knees…panting AND barking, would be interested in something or like a certain food for a month or two and then never touch it again, did not like playing with others…she preferred to be by herself. She was never selfish and would share if there were other children, but she would grab a book and just sit in the corner. She still lives at home and we are trying to get her comfortable with social norms, but she still thinks about just herself or how something affects HER…not others. She also has to have everything done right away. Like if she needs batteries and doesn’t know where they are, she will hound me or bitch until I get them. She is absolutely brilliant and is an amazing digital artist…drawing dogs. (The kid loves dogs!). I know a lot of these traits seem like a spoiled brat, and some probably are because we always did what we could to make her happy and comfortable. But seeing as how she’s getting ready to graduate from college, she has to learn social norms and how to read a room. Thank you for sharing your story!

[@lou3893]

if she is autistic she might literally not be ABLE to learn "social norms and how to read a room". she is NOT doing it on purpose

[@BLK2000]

wow, my 13 yro kid is exactally what u describe....but replace dog with cat, and yea, wow! he walks on his tip toes, and barely goes to school at the min, tough times.

[@lauriemyers3]

@@BLK2000 there are sooooo many amazing programs that will help you help your kiddo! I waited too long

[@loridriskell8121]

@@lauriemyers3 well im new hear learning i dont know much about this i have a cousin who has a son with it heard my aunt tell my mom once not long ago see she has it too my life was a train wreck then. So of course it wasnt about me i dismissed it but now 56 im trying to find out why i made the choices i made in my life. A drifter a loner. The library the role playing the lying the anxiety fumble my words. Hide in small spaces. Hypertensive im all this an. Ad as adult oh im not mean with intent i want yo be heard and understood i think now looking back may be some of those behaviors i did for attention to get a reaction. From mom dad anyone that i thought i could amuse but on the dark side which i really never have spoke about to very few and just so were clear never did i play the victim card when i tell you the emotional. Neglect from my parents a long with a some one molesting me at 6 on the schooll yard i felt always like the outsider 🙄i became an ashamed to say it now was a dancer for many years and im not talking ballet here dont ask me why but what im taking from all of this maybe im like this too thanks for listening ill be watching lord hope i didnt say yo much

[@EmmaJohnsonShenanigans]

This sounds exactly like me except for the animal part, but I always have to be wearing both socks and shoes or I’ll walk on my tiptoes to avoid the cold gross floor

[@louisacoote2337]

I was a painfully shy, introverted child with a vivid imagination. I used to twiddle and suck my hair, chew pencils and biros, pick and bite my nails. I spent lots of time going to the nurse with headaches or tummyaches. She used to give me sugar lumps with something minty on, possibly an anti-anxiety remedy. Also hated too much noise/shouting-I would cry if someone else got shouted at and just found playtime and the canteen to be overwhelming regarding the noise. I used to smuggle books out onto the playground and find an isolated corner to read in! Also painfully uncoordinated/unsporty so never wanted to play tag/skipping/clapping/ elastic games that were all the rage when I was young.

[@valeriepradeau9601]

I was exactly the same!

[@icedragonaftermath]

I was late for stuff a lot and was held in from recess for talking too much and being disruptive so I'd clean the desks and stuff. I'd really like it though because I got to organize things and have the classroom all to myself. And I could read any book I liked. It was lovely. Started just intentionally staying back more often and volunteering to clean stuff up.

[@offintonebula]

Damn all of this I did

[@emmanarotzky6565]

I can’t believe I never thought of smuggling books onto the playground. I asked the teacher if I could read at recess and she was just like “no” so I didn’t 😂 I was too gullible

[@bunnybreeze43]

I cried whenever others got yelled at as well!! In the second grade I had a "tough love" type of teacher and a lot of disruptive kids in my class...I was so embarrassed everytime she would pull me aside n tell me she didn't know why I was crying when I wasn't the one in trouble. I didn't know either!!

[@jeanwhite2705]

Hello Sam, this video was almost frightening for me, an almost 70 yr old weird lady who has hid so many strange traits all my memorable life. Still hide many even from my husband even though after 50 years together I often see them in him. Our lives as boomer children were spent with punishment over our strange traits and habits and those “habits “ were often submerged thru punishment or disapproval. Anyway, this was an especially eye opening video. Thank You for your insight and sharing.

[@franklinstephen3268]

Hello 👋how are you doing?

[@secondtimearound2539]

❤

[@veri_cottagefairy]

Hi Jean! I relate to your post so much even as a 26yr old, and I’m in the middle ground of very young millennial/the oldest of gen z. my parents (now late-50s) treated my symptoms the same way, they saw my traits as forms of disrespect or misbehavior, and punished me for them to the point of me just learning to hide them to avoid being in trouble. i’m sorry for what you went through growing up, though it may not mean much from me, and i hope you’re doing well today ❤

[@rachelkingsley668]

Thank you for sharing x

[@carlaeskelsen]

Hi, Jean. 66 and same. Wish we were neighbors so we could talk about it once in awhile over cookies or something.

[@kimberlycoley8105]

Very relatable! I very much appreciate the idea of no longer shaming ourselves. And now, that translates to learning not to shame my neurodivergent children who will grow up with more self acceptance and confidence. It's a new world.

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@kerrymiller6744]

I was a paper eater too and was regularly called to the front of the class and shamed for it. I was made to feel like I was the only one in the world with this "disgusting" habit. Hair sucking too was a phase I went through. The teacher told me that if you suck your hair it can be swallowed and it will wind its way around your heart and kill you (seriously, teachers shouldn't lie to kids) but anyway it cured me.

[@grain9640]

they told me that hair you suck on will become worms that will eat you from the inside whenever I felt stomach discomfort I figured I had accidentally gotten hair worms and I needed to dispose of my forbidden candy wrapper stash under my bed to hide the evidence because I didn't want to disappoint my parents after they eventually had to clean my room after I was... *gone* reason #234 I cried in closets at random times as a kid

[@MelodieRhae]

I got told the worm thing about chewing my fingernails. I keep mine meticulously cared for now, because if they look weird or chip I will chew them and get back into the habit because I like the feeling.

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@mitchlmitten5874]

Living in a fantasy world is so accurate. It sounds like a bad thing, but it’s actually helped a lot of us make sense of our lives. My autistic cousin used to imagine her life as a video game. She loved playing with make believe weapons, and from there developed a lifelong interest in firearms and roleplay. I used to image mine as an episodic TV show, Community’s Abed style. Whenever something funny or interesting happened as a kid, I would literally turn to where I thought the “camera” was and wink: my parent probably thought I was crazy, but I was just thinking about where and when the next “episode” in my life should naturally end. I’d go on to study writing and film production in college, go figure.

[@jimwilliams3816]

I've always wondered about my version of this. I recall trying to do an imaginary tv show about myself as a kid, but I was unable to think of what to do with it, I never got past the intro. About the same time, I think I remember trying to have an imaginary friend, but I couldn't visualize or interact with him or her. Anyone else have an experience like that? I remember when taking the AQ "test" that one of the last questions had to do with difficulties with imaginative play, but I didn't really understand what they were getting at or how to answer.

[@DebrasBeautifulMusic]

That is so cute!!!

[@matcha9512]

Same same same, it helped me live happily when I was going through horrible trauma; I usually pretended I was a princess and my entourage of loving royally endowed councilors was trotting along behind me everywhere making sure I did what was necessary(drink water, not tap my pencil loud in class, focus, clean my messy room, bathe, eat veggies etc etc etc) nglllllllllll I be doing it to an extent still lmao buttt I’m happy with it so it is what it is lmao

[@blackberry_seed8390]

Imagining I’m my favorite video game character is the only way I can get myself through hard days at work😅

[@videocliplover]

I use video game mechanics to help me make sense of ways to improve myself and how to go about it.

[@rdoodoo2021]

I didn't realize till now that I would tell teachers I was sick so I could go to the nurse, because I was actually overwhelmed and needed a break. Never thought about it till now. I'm 54.

[@williamsteele6006]

They didn't have autism, adhd, none of that, back then was 'yer lazy, lets see if bouncing you off the wall helps'

[@kaylaschroeder1]

Having the awareness at any age is still good! No shame. 🤗

[@hannahjoinson1177]

In school I'd put my hand up and ask to go to the toilet for a break. I work for myself now, from home, but I remember when I worked in other places I'd still do it often. Especially in a shop job which I loved, but lots of standing still when it was quiet!

[@Ankku98]

Tbh this is so nice to watch. I have no idea if i'm even autistic or not, but that doesnt matter since i have ALWAYS been a weird person 😂 i can relate somewhat to that "creating characters" thing, i dont know if they were imaginary friends or what, but like, yea, i did create some random characters i guess and that was actually embarrassing for me, dont know why. Other kids also thought i'm weird, maybe for that reason or some other reason, dunno. Often i kinda hated playing with other kids, because they did everything in a wrong way, i wanted to do things my way. I was alone quite a lot. I remember being anxious very often, it seems like i had a lot of anxiety since i was at least 6 so pretty young. I also never knew what i should do and how i should live.. not knowing how to live and do things has been my biggest issue since 6-8 years old, maybe even younger. That's why i cried a lot. I was really lost and didn't know how to move forward. It's weird how life can already be so difficult when you're so young. And when other people say that "as a kid you didn't have to worry about anything" i'm like okay.... I did nothing more, i only worried about stuff and felt so anxious when i was a child lol. It felt like the end of the world, in a way i kinda felt that i was already dead as a child, that this is the end of my life because i can't fucking move past this :D but.. i guess you gotta deal with what you've been given. But it's nice that i'm not the only weird person. Maybe i'm autistic, maybe not, but i'm definitely weird and i guess now i can be proud of it too.

[@JodieTarot]

Love that!!!! "I remembered that I loved it, so now I'm doing it again" 👀 visualising you hiding in a cupboard somewhere💃

[@jessiewrites4753]

Chewing on my sleeves, lying out of shame, too afraid to eat in the cafeteria about weird food and crowds, going to the nurse with stomach aches, twirling my hair

[@Wolit51]

Back in high school, i couldn't deal with the cafeteria at lunch, so I used to take my lunch to a back stairway that no one ever used and eat there. It was against the rules to be there, but I never got caught.

[@miratarnish6316]

I have a tendency to mimic traits of whoever is on my mind, including their potential ticks like pencil chewing, leg bouncing, and hair twirling. But I also can't really draw animated faces in public as I do that too to almost "feel" how it should look, and honestly I thought it was just a weird artist thing.

[@ali_yayyy]

Yesss 🙌🏽

[@ray23342]

Oooh I didn't chew on them but picked on my sleeve cuffs so much. I have destroyed coats just because of how much I picked on the cuffs!

[@alicia1636]

Meeee

[@aeryinaviolet]

I describe myself as weird alllll the time and it's never been derogatory... being weird has always been a gold star to me because I also associate it with above average intelligence, niche interests, and out of the box thinking.

[@smaragd19.1]

Same

[@Megdracula]

Me too!!! Being weird has always been a compliment once I realized I was myself and people can take it or leave it. I’m frickin interesting lol

[@tempesttking5715]

💕

[@diane4488]

Me too! Plus, I imagine everyone feels that way really?

[@sarahhunt2376]

I chewed and ate notebook paper all the time, clicked and chewed pens and pencils almost constantly, imagined myself as things all the time, shifted while standing a lot, my thoughts were louder than the people talking to me, had to play musical notes perfectly or start over.I would hide in boxes or in my stuffed animals or under lots of pillows. I believed in Santa even when kids told me it was a lie because I firmly believed my parents wouldn't lie to me, because the Bible said it was wrong to lie, so no one should do that in my mind. I had to do perfectly on my tests and homework all the time so I took longer to finish things, if I finished at all. I never felt truly connected to anyone. I am NOT autistic. I have anxiety.

[@louisaknight7928]

thank you for your videos. I can relate so much to this one. Being in Lock-down in 2020, made my Dyslexia and everything else become intense. coping mechanisms didn't work so well or just stopped working. I realised that I had coping mechanisms and masking for things that I had assumed for years were associated with my dyslexia but when I did some research, I kept being directed to ADHD and/or autism. That is when I found your videos. I constantly fidget, especially when standing. I have to keep moving my feet and legs. Standing Flamingo-style on one leg up or standing on tiptoe is not uncommon for me. Yoga has helped me get in touch with why and how I move and wiggle about and not apologise for it or mask it by trying to be still (which with hindsight I see used to stress me out). I count a lot as a way to calm myself or as a way to fill time if I am getting bored or distracted. This happens more and more as I have got older. Earworms every day! :D I am singing and humming all the time. Tapping on the desk or tapping my toes is a regular thing for me. Getting into Character is something I have always done and still do - I am in my 40s now. the Characters I take on are from whatever films or TV or books I have been watching or reading. I don't say to myself 'I am pretending to be...' whoever as I have gotten older but I realised recently I still spend days or even weeks in that world, thinking about it, fully emotionally involved. To use the words from another post - I 'adopt and demonstrate character based mannerisms, speech and even thought/contemplation with complete awareness of it'. When I was a kid, I would act out scenes from the film, tv or book or act out prequels or sequels to the story. I don't do that now but I still think about what conversations the characters had behind the scenes and play them out in my head when I have a few minutes to kill (if I am not counting in english, french, german or spanish). There are definitely moments when I think 'what would [Character's name/s] do?' to deal with social situations or things I need to resolve. This absorption or roleplay has given me the basis for so much of what I do and how I live my life everyday since I was a child. I thought this was what you do when you enjoy something and fully engage with it, and are inspired by something or someone but when speaking with a couple of friends recently on two separate occasions, (their blank faces which suggested they did not understand or compute what I was talking about - this was a bit of a shock) it occurred to me that not everyone does this. I have always had an interest in acting and drama in telling a story and gaining different perspectives on situations. I related a lot to your story in another video about being obsessed with 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' when you were younger (that was a favourite of mine too). To me, TV and film and stories in books (fiction and nonfiction) were lessons in what and what not to do - how to be brave, how to be confident, how to communicate. Lessons in how to 'fake it, till you make it'. I thought everyone watched tv, film and books for this reason and many do but it turns out that not everyone takes it to the level of 'getting into character'. Apparently, some people just watch tv, film or read a book and just enjoy it and then move on with their lives. they don't absorb aspects of the character/s and dwell on them for days or weeks on end. This is a recent revelation to me. I have always had fidget toys, I just didn't know that's what they were until 2020. since I was a child, I would have a lipbalm or pen / penlid or stone would be in my pocket or on my desk to fidget with. Bic Biros or uniball pens are my favourite. I would flick it or tap the biro so that the ink tube inside made a tapping noise (rhythm is good) or take the lid on and off again and again. collected stones that felt good to hold when out on walks and would keep them in my room or on my desk and fidget with them while I was thinking. I still do this and it got worse in lockdown. And I didn't hide in toilets unless that was my only option. I hid in empty classrooms and the school chapel instead. :D

[@marocat4749]

Tat adopting characters mannerism selfawae and thinking way too hard about it, yes. Through i really have tolike it and see something meaningful in them. But its lifeimitating art imitatinglife? Is it weird tohave an easier time comparing things to tht and games? ! Ok games dothat commonly tackling stuuff,probably.

[@aletanook]

People who hide in the bathroom are weird like do you really have no where else to go?

[@arrynw5915]

As an American, your impression of American high schools is completely spot on. My god it's like a cult, I couldn't really even begin to be myself again until I was well into my 20s and had recovered at least somewhat from all the pressure.

[@nuxvomica7872]

Arryn W: Ain't that the truth. They'll pay lip service to the "being an individual" cliche yet beat you over the head with the weirdo stick if you really do act as you are. As an adult now I'm loving my weirdness and if anyone doesn't like it, tough.

[@calamitycole]

As an american who attended public school, I second this!

[@lauren7376]

As an American who has attended public and private schools, and attended private schools internationally, there is a lot of pressure in American public school to fit within a "norm" but it was actually the immense pressure that just made me give up on fitting in and instead embrace myself and things I liked. People still accepted me and I valued their friendships more. American private schools are a whole other story... they are too small and there is absolutely no room for anything your peers consider non-ideal.

[@Butterfly1025A]

City high schools sound so bizarre to me. Why are you all so horrible to one another in those? My small-town high school might have been Trumped up the wazoo, but at least my classmates were all genuinely nice to one another.

[@arrynw5915]

@@Butterfly1025A I went to a small town high school! It sucked extra because while this was years before Trump ever ran for president, it was still the kind of town where everyone voted for him. People were mean af to each other.

[@misstalulah9063]

Wow I remember being mortified because I couldn’t shake the feeling that my thoughts were audible to others. I knew it was irrational too, but couldn’t shake it! This is really fascinating.

[@tpilot_error404]

Because we read body language and people get predictive yet they don't notice we saw their behavior/action/words coming ( so we assume others read us) ? And to us our "techniques" are so obvious we believe they must be seen through ?

[@stormlightning6268]

That's the same for me still, I have times when I can't think of what I want to, so people don't hear it

[@mde6006]

Omg me too! I really thought/think everyone else is as telepathic as me. They're not!

[@mammadingo9165]

I didn't explain myself because I thought someone could just hear my thoughts and know . .. strange .

[@lammieshipper]

i have this 😳

[@cherylbarrel9966]

For 25 years as a hairstylist, I rocked on my feet while standing. Visually, I would move so that items in my line of sight would line up. The ear worm song is my nemesis. In 4th grade, I lived as the wife of a poet who had me institutionalized and would one day come to take me out of this crazy life as a school kid. I even involved other kids in this internal reality. I would hide in the basement and wait for my mother to come do laundry and find me looking dead behind the door. Fortunately, she never noticed me there. The big reveal was due to the lockdowns of COVID: being alone was a relief. The anxiety stopped. I finally got some rest. I didn't go back to work full time for over two years. Now, I respect my need for alone time and to distance from human interaction for hours each day. Thank you!!! For sharing without shame. Love!

[@rosalinddando2289]

You are SO relatable! I've recently found your channel and you say so many things which ring bells. I'm very slowly going through ADHD diagnosis but am entirely sure I'm autistic as well. I did: #1 definitely, for sure. Until I was in my late teens. #2 fiddled with it but never ate. #3 sucked my hair, chewed it, etc #4 I made up all the characters, whole fantasy worlds #5 OMG I thought I was the only one who did that, the rolling-out-on-the-feet thing. And the legs crossed thing! #6 I did not do this, I was not generally a list person, although I did memorise the periodic table in my teens. #7 I did this - and *still* do, all the time. #8 I loved small spaces. I had a 'cave' under my cabin bed which was child-sized and it was my space. And same with favourite toilets! #9 I was the total opposite - I didn't believe but I desperately wanted to until I was far too old #10 I tried very hard to lie to cover up errors, especially the homework thing. So I get this. (ADHD brain made time management virtually impossible!)

[@aletanook]

Why would you hide in the bathroom though? Why not your room?

[@atlantiswasinafrica]

I found a bush in the school yard that I called my magic tree. and while other kids were out playing with one another I would go and hang out with the magic tree. sometimes I would buy sparkly things from the student store and hide them in the bush and then later reach into the bush and act surprised when I had found a gift that it had provided to me. hence the magic tree. I didn't really understand how to make friends with people and why they would talk about the things they would talk about.

[@margicates553]

That sounds like a lovely way to spend time.

[@janemorrow6672]

My best friend was an oak tree. It had a lumpy base that I used to polish until it gleamed like polished tortoiseshell.

[@annas.8902]

These comments actually brought back a memory of the bush I used to hide in during recess. Glad to know others made friends with foliage too!

[@comettripper]

.. ok, who's gonna start the support group for ppl who had trees as best friends when they were kids ?

[@sterichardsson]

Oh my goodness! I've spent almost 4 decades thinking I was the only one.

[@stolenbyfairiesmorrigan5085]

I literally do the character thing to this day. I also have a habit to speak to myself so sometimes, I suddenly blurt out something "in character" and people look. It isn't just characters though, it is whole stories and worlds, like creating a story but playing a character in it.

[@plut0817]

OH MY GOSH ME TOO! ill play all the parts as myself, but different characters. Very thought out storylines, characters, etc. im not alone hah!

[@fantasea114]

I thought I was the only one 😭

[@Derekthetau]

🙌🙌 here here!!

[@simplekaty]

I think this is what authors do before they realize they are writers... maybe :) I used to do this a lot and recently started trying to write films, it has been fun :)

[@PinkHairedCoder]

All kids do this, it's why roleplaying text based became a thing. And before you say I'm downplaying autism. I am autistic. But make believe, roleplaying, talking to yourself is not just autistic people ffs.

[@bubblebathskies]

oh wow...i related to pretty much every single trait you brought up. i was diagnosed with ADHD almost 2 years ago and, through extensive research and speaking to autistic people both with and without official diagnoses, have concluded i'm also autistic. the question of me being autistic cropped up in school and family contexts a few times growing up, but was often glossed over by the adults around me or something i lied my way out of looking into further because i was so ashamed of the traits i exhibited. over the past few years of finally acknowledging and exploring my neurodivergency, i've found looking back into my childhood in detail deeply traumatic and emotionally draining. however, i know it's something that will benefit me if i do it at my own pace and in a way that suits me best - and hearing you talk about your childhood traits as someone who is actually autistic in a way that is kind and considerate of your past self (rather than the detached and pathologising approach i've come across in so many videos by doctors and therapists) is so refreshing and...i guess somewhat healing, considering how much of what you mentioned i related to?? anyway oop this comment is longer than i imagined it would be but i just want you to know how much i appreciate the way you went about this video and that it's inspired me to work on gently delving further into reflecting on the autistic traits i showed as a child throughout 2023 💓

[@stellamariss3335]

Your comment really connects with me I also wasn’t diagnosed adhd until I was older and now I’m thinking I’m autistic but looking back at my childhood it feels sad and almost repressed. Like I spent the whole time hiding myself and now I wish I would’ve embraced and acknowledged myself back then. I feel that I would have blossomed socially and had more good memories then bad if I would have understood myself better.

[@cheryllyons3738]

Thank you. I felt like such an oddball growing up. Your sharing makes me feel that I wasn't alone when I was a child. I had so many quirks and I wanted to fit in but really never could. Sometimes I had to fake who I was.

[@elyaequestus1409]

"being embarrassed does not help you through it" ... and this ladies and gentlemen, is why I decided to visit a psychologist at age 28 because somehow, in the 14 years prior, nobody has helped me to properly understand my autism. Instead I believed, and was encourged, to be as neurotypical as possible. -sigh-

[@shannonsmith924]

I feel that. It’s rough. No ones helped me with my autism. In my own mind and with research I’ve seen that I am almost certainly autistic. My friends never believe me about it. All they see is how I lied to them and hurt them when overwhelmed by my feelings of being ashamed trying to please them.

[@adamhutto2666]

same here. My family knew. No one told me. It is my sister's fault though for telling me, not my parent's for keeping it a secret. Nah bad sister, informing your brother of what a trained man with a PHD in psychology diagnosed me with, bad sister. Good Mom and Dad for keeping that a secret. You're the good guys here. Yes I am being sarcastic.

[@elyaequestus1409]

​@@shannonsmith924 It will sound like an awful, awful cliche but... you need better friends. Between my 16th and my 20th I changed 'best friend' about yearly. The cycle went: 1/ New person! 2/ Woo, someone wants to listen to me :DD 3/ their issues, ok, fine, I can deal 4/ why arent you doing anything about them? 5/ Oh lord fucking why. To break this toxic cycle of bad friendships, I first had to learn how to take better care of myself. I found out that good friends held me both accountable for my actions while also encouraging me to grow as a person. And if they were unwilling to help and/or accept as I am, I had to let go of them. Some probably still resent me for leaving them. Either in terms of blame or in terms of 'why has she left' and well. I had to. Because, if i am honest with you, I also lied to people in a way. I also kept a strong front and tried to be as neurotypical as possible. I also tried to please and fit in. The moment I started to establish boundaries, I received backlash from some while other applauded me and sang praises all the way to the high heavens. Some people surround themselves with pushovers and insecure people so they can feel strong. Other people only surround themselves with secure people because those relationships are equal, more stable and feel safe. This all starts with learning who you are, what your boundaries are and telling people 'no, I dont want to do this' or 'let me think about it'. Talking with a therapist obviously helps in this proces.

[@makijoy]

same my mom is schizoaffective and my dads is a narcissist who just got out of prison. i always had to be a perfect role model

[@Jenny-tm3cm]

@@elyaequestus1409 I wish I knew this sooner. Traumatic events caused by fake friends literally have ruined my life. Trying to get it back on track

[@tuckersmoak6632]

I was diagnosed with Autism at 29 and once my mom learned all about it she apologized to me with tears in her eyes for all the times I would call home from school as "sick" due to severe anxiety.

[@annas.8902]

Your mother sounds sweet. My mother thinks it's just an excuse

[@f321christine]

That's nice of her. I don't think my parents would even think back to anything they accused me of or did because of not understanding I was autistic, let alone apologize.

[@adamhutto2666]

I wish I had your mother.....My mother still blames me for telling her I was suicidal as if I'm bad guy. Sorry mom, my 12 year old self thought you cared. Oh what's what you say? I misheard you? You said "We'll talk about it later" instead of "I don't want to talk about it?" Either way you still thought making dinner for company coming over was more important than suicidal 12 year old scared child followed by a long memory black out 20+ years later, that's still apparently my fault because "I remember it wrong". It's also apparently my sister's fault for telling me I was diagnosed with autism, because Mom decided not to tell me as a teenager. But she did tell everyone else in the family. Her keeping this pretty big massive secret isn't the problem, no it's my sister being the only sane one to tell me this secret, THAT's the problem. Mom now denies I was ever diagnosed....though that doesn't explain why the whole family knew about it except for me. She's even gone so far as to say "The psychiatrist you saw as a teenager didn't really tell me(Mom) anything, so maybe he just told you(me) that". So now I have no idea if I ever got diagnosed with then Asperger's or not, going to try and get an official test for it and get to the bottom of it. Recent psychiatrist thought I had it the first time we met, and this was over Zoom, I can only imagine how obvious it would be if we were in person but you know, COVID and all that crap. I genuinely wish I had a mother that when she learned she done goofed, she would own it. And I'm not even asking her to own up to every little nit picking mistake here. At least I don't think the above scenarios(and trust me, there are tons of these) is what one would define as nit picking. So yeah, I wish I had YOUR mother, or at least a mother that could own up to monumental fuck ups.

[@Xosidhe]

Dude, I wish my mom would apologize! She was incredibly insensitive to me my entire childhood and when I was diagnosed as an adult she never really mentioned it, just kind of accepted it without any discussion. A few years after my diagnosis I said “have you even read anything about aspergers??” She said she had. I don’t understand her not acknowledging what I went through or my current experience. Your mom is really great.

[@saffron1996]

nice mom :0 mine wanted nothing to do with it when i got diagnosed at 22 and said "its better i raised you with all the exposure, cus now you 'seem' more normal as youve manually learned to act that way" rewind to the past, when my mother and grandmother told me i should move my arms when i walk because walking with them stiff at my sides 'wasnt normal' small corrections here and there, and i thought everyone had to learn how to be human manually and i was always frustrated at how everyone else had it so easy, i felt like a human being raised by wolves and beating myself up at the fact i couldn't run or howl, never really knowing i was a human until i was 22, and when you tell your wolf mother that you were actually a human the whole time, she tells you, well its better i raised you as a wolf anyway, because how else are you going to fit in?

[@MachelTheDestroyer]

Not autistic but I do have an anxiety disorder, I did a fair few of these things too. I think most kids are weird but are all told that no one else does these things to try and get them to stop doing “unattractive” or “undesirable” behaviors.

[@bolinhong2598]

I want to share about a herbal recommendations I got about Dr Oyalo on KZbin and his herbal remedy which work perfectly on my sons autism. speech and social skill has improved till now.

[@deviritter5232]

So fun to hear your story! I used to do these things too! I still do several of them. :) very affirming - thank you for sharing! I used to hide in the dark room, which was relaxing.

[@darkacadpresenceinblood]

"Some people watch TV... Other people ARE the TV" is me in a nutshell😂 why would you need netflix if you have your head in which you don't have to worry about making the characters relatable because they automatically are? Daydreaming is underrated

[@ethericlyricmirrorit]

Exactly!!!

[@solarpunch333]

Omg, I daydream so much too the point where I don't even think I have a real life. I live in my head too much. Its so fun too do, but so much of it can mess with ur head

[@laguna4life]

@@solarpunch333 Same here, but it can be problematic if it can’t be controllable. Turns out it’s its own “malfunction” being researched called maladaptive daydreaming as an OCD. I can control it with an antidepressant with OCD treatment characteristics and although it makes me better functioning at work and home, I hate it every time I take it and tend to pull myself off it unless it interferes with my job or marriage. I never actually put it together until I was in my 30s that I was most likely on the spectrum somewhere, and had ADHD (non-hyperactive).

[@meyu1468]

Look up maladaptive daydreaming

[@moonhajung6742]

@@laguna4life ehhh Maladaptive daydreaming is a part of OCD?????? I didn't know that....

[@nanimuss7089]

Finger music playing! I do that, when I do it I don’t stop until I make sure I tap each finger an equal amount of times

[@linam.9675]

😨

[@Seal0626]

Got to be fair to the individual fingerpads. Same thing with walking on a variety of surfaces - each foot has to get a fair share of them.

[@dogtooth5913]

yeah, same here

[@trapperkay1138]

OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!!! ME TOOOOOO!!! Except I tap mine every other finger back and forth and back and forth lol

[@LasPhoenix777]

Ah! Same!!💯

[@daisydouglas2913]

I used to eat the corners of every book I was reading, it felt super comforting and it was a specific taste I liked. I also lied out of my teeth throughout my childhood and only the other day realised that I might have been doing it as a defensive or safety mechanism. I would stim in public pretending to play drums especially around earworms, and found any noise in cinemas or theatres really hard to navigate but make so much noise myself that my family stopped liking going to things with me. I am also hypermobile! I also hated standing up! I can't go to gigs anymore because the idea of standing up and being in a crowd is too overwhelming. I also find my body aches an starts to sting when I am sat for too long in one position. this all so relatable!!!! thanks for this video I really needed to hear it!

[@helenhoward5346]

Yeah, when I was a child I would feel "influenced" to adopt and demonstrate character based mannerisms, speech and even thought/contemplation with complete awareness of it. It was just amusing or entertaining for me to think about "being" Diana princess of Wales (when I was 8-9 in the late 90s, right after her tragic premature death) who I was TOTALLY obsessed with for a couple months. I had my parents buy me so so many picture oriented books of Diana. Then there was my Titanic, tornado, volcano and all things "old timey". My favorite childhood toy was a Victorian Playmobil mansion (ugh, really wish my parents kept it but I understand... They gave it to my cousin when I outgrew it). Everyday I'd spend HOURS playing out various scenarios or building upon prior ones, kinda like irl Sims. Speaking of, freaking loved playing Sims as a child and eventually sims 3 as a young adult. Yeah, I just loved watching certain films over and over then playing it out with personally assigned variances. I would even speak aloud their internal dialogue to myself. I know that's common for most kids. I wasn't a habitual liar but felt COMPELLED to lie to adults ESP bc of SHAME too. The anxiety, fear and dread of not meeting standard expectations would compel me to come up with plausible excuses only to be caught up in a tangled net of being full of excuses, feeling abstractly unable to buckle down. I can completely relate to your general experiences and perspective tbh and I appreciate you relating to other "high functioning" autistic women.

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@junebugg045]

Didn't realize that the "stomach" problems I had as a child was a form of anxiety. I'd even make up imaginary friends or pets. Didn't have friends and everyone thought I was crazy because they always thought I was "sick". 😩 I've never been tested so I don't know if I am.

[@immortal_damnation]

i have stomach issues from food and anxiety and the anxiety is such a different feeling to the one from food.

[@ash-boxing8109]

I’ve been there my hair actually went grey for a time when i was a child through anxiety

[@Olivia-em3pd]

In elementary, I always used to feel a pit in my stomach and my heart would beat fast but I never knew why. Not knowing why only made it worse. Now I know it was social anxiety.

[@mahtazdin]

Same here. I feel like the pandemic made me realize more that no one like me. And that I will always be alone. My son has alot of illness including autism. Its a challenge. But just watching him. Made me see my child hood and over all life. That people generally did not like me. I realized I lack alot of social common since. People try to like me. But kinda get over me really fast. I could never figure out why. I don't talk normal. I feel like I am from another planet lol its not there fault they don't like me. I have always been weird.

[@pinkmagicali]

Apparently digestive issues are really common for people on the spectrum. I was reading Aspergirls and she mentions it there and I was like 😲

[@awkward567]

I literally always have a song stuck in my head if I stop to think about it. Recently I started a Spotify playlist where I add those songs and the variety is hilarious.

[@rainbowkrampus]

Me too. No playlists though. It's usually one song for a very long time. By the time it leaves, I don't care to ever revisit it again lol.

[@meriahtigner]

I think that could be a beautiful story. Sometimes I wonder if the ear worms some how correlate to feelings I'm ignoring or if it's completely random.

[@FromTheAshes7]

@@rainbowkrampus bahahaha, same! I’ve commented half a dozen times on this video and I’ve never related more than in the comments with everyone. 😬😅

[@dogtooth5913]

i'm definitely gonna start doing that now.

[@beverlyreid943]

Same here, it could be any song but it plays itself to death in my head. Usually nighttime and if I wake in the night, 😩

[@ZSchrink]

As someone currently seeking an adult assessment, I have been looking at my younger traits and habits. So many of these are already on my list and it frustrates me greatly that I would feel so different about myself had I known earlier. Thank you for making these videos and ultimately helping me grieve for my younger self.

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@The23rdKatalyst]

This video made me remember that I used to do long division on paper because I found it incredibly soothing 😂

[@somberhoney]

I was apparently diagnosed with autism when I was around five years old but I only found out about it two years ago (age twenty) because my parents just didn't think it was something important to tell me and learn about. It has been such a strange and stressful but also kind of healing experience to think back on what I was like growing up and realizing that I was the way I was because I'm autistic.

[@mohergenrader2113]

Tools to work with would have been nice. Honesty is best with kids. At least you know now.

[@raquellivingwell3034]

A lot of my adults thought I might have autism when I was young, but never got my tested because I got along just fine, although I wasn't "normal." My mom told me that when I was in 7th grade and did a research paper on autism and thought I totally had it. In college ab psych, I learned even more about it and was like "I've grown out of a lot of my quirks, but here's 100 traits I've experienced." And now I've gone down a KZbin rabbit hole and realize those traits have been replaced with other traits and that there are a lot of things I never thought of as evidence of autism but seem to be super common.

[@Dollybirdy]

My parents did the same thing with my adhd. Hid it till I reached adulthood and I couldn’t keep up anymore

[@chocolatepudding1241]

My dad told me a couple years ago at age 19 that my head was so big when I was born that it got injured on the way out. I was like “is that why I’m so weird??” Lately I’ve been doing research on autism and I’m like “oh shit… I think I might be autistic” lol

[@bolinhong2598]

I want to share about a herbal recommendations I got about Dr Oyalo on KZbin and his herbal remedy which work perfectly on my sons autism. speech and social skill has improved till now.

[@DaveTexas]

I’m new to the whole ASD thing and I’m trying to figure out how my whole life can be explained by being on the spectrum. One of my biggest issues is the masking; I’ve masked so heavily that I’m not sure where the real me is. I’m also wondering how heavily I masked due to Asperger’s and how heavily I masked to hide the fact that I was gay. In the late ‘70s, as I was entering puberty, being gay in a religious family was completely unacceptable. I learned to hide my true self early on, but I now think I was good at it because I had years of practice from masking my total lack of social skills and anxiety about being around people. I don’t even know how to describe it. There’s so much for me to unpack that I’ll probably die of old age before I unpack everything.

[@pinkmagicali]

OMG I relate to those first couple of sentences so much. It’s difficult when you feel like you don’t even know who you are. I hate it. I also don’t remember my childhood much so I spend half my days looking for clues. I don’t think I’ve had a day since being diagnosed just over a year ago where I haven’t thought about all this (not to mention the months before that).

[@d.w.stratton4078]

I'm a queer, polyamorous, pansexual agender AMAB person recently discovering ASD and an ADHD diagnosis and ALSO grew up in a strictly religious and conservative household. I'll tell you how bad it was: my parents asked me to stop contacting them when I took exception to their full-throated support of Donald Trump. They told me that if I hated him, Satan is the source of hatred and I needed to think about how I had chosen to live with hate in my heart etc. etc. blah blah. The irony would be risible were it not so tragic. They still periodically reach out to see if I've decided I've turned over a new, less hateful leaf. They've not yet figured out it is their own hatred separating them from their offspring. Oh well. Point is, I see you, I validate your hardships and concerns, and I encourage you, comrade. Continue to live and thrive as best you can and seek the resources you need to cope. And as a fellow David, I feel even more affinity with you :)

[@yaminipandiar]

Hi David , I think you should be proud of yourself for willing to discover more . I feel exactly the same way you do , I don’t know who I really am due to all the masking . It can be hard , however i find it easier to think … Autism , all this masking or not masking stuff , it’s still “me” , just me figuring out what’s socially acceptable and what I can accept about myself . There is no true self behind all this , everything defines me , it’s all just building blocks of what makes me “me” . I don’t know if that made sense , but hope you will see this and not feel alone .

[@Myohomoto]

I'm 66 and find new suitcases to unpack everyday. I'm also gay. Totally grew up in a very restricted abusive environment. I've been a Buddhist for almost 50 years. Having this practice of meditation has helped me process who I am. It's like a quest. One I'll be on all my days. Best wishes to you. Be patient with unpacking the gift that you truly are.🤗💝

[@averlinbc5680]

God I love autistics in autism comments sections 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 We’ve got all the emojis and all the love 🥳 hi David

[@espem88]

I was diagnosed at age 34 and every single one of these are 100% accurate for me and my childhood. I strived very hard in school to achieve good grades - not just good but honor roll and National Honors Society. It went unchecked and untreated for so long that I developed mood disorders: depression and anxiety that I'm also now medicated for. I hope we can spread awareness for young girls! Edit: grammar

[@aletanook]

What is with all you losers obsessing over hiding in bathrooms?

[@skreech107]

This video helped me out a TON and i have now subbed and liked this video, I don't comment much on youtube, but this is one where I just felt the need to just say THANK YOU for addressing habits like these in the way that you did. it helped me that much more.

[@marillaz4582]

8:45 -Fearing that others can hear your thoughts is a trait of social anxiety!

[@ron4202]

Huh, I kinda though that everyone did that...

[@azsli2]

Yep i have that. Got nervous today cause the radio said ""i can here your thought. Feel your feelings. " I got super jumpy.

[@lilmissmonsterrr]

What kind of shit are y'all thinkin about that has you so concerned... 🤔

[@JustAnEmptyCageGirl]

azsli2 This is the funniest thing!

[@azsli2]

@@JustAnEmptyCageGirl in hindsight yes it is. In the moment my whole being was screaming to run.

[@kimmead3683]

My daughter walked on her tip toes... She's 27 and still does it when she's barefoot at home. My MIL used to say she was practicing to wear high heels. We didn't know she had Asperger's.

[@missymarie708]

I used to do the same thing. But I was diagnosed with bpd.

[@FoxyJane1348]

I did it too. But I was enrolled in a really intense ballet school (which I loved). The kind where you have classes 3-4 days a week. Everyone just thought I was practicing dance. I was a decent dancer, coincidence? I think not.

[@Greeny_isthegoat]

I walked on my tip toes as a toddler and i spoke at very early. 9 months

[@nicholaslandry6367]

Im 25 male I still walk on my tiptoes when I'm barefoot too it's more comfortable and natural feeling than walking "flatfooted(?)"

[@nicholaslandry6367]

@@missymarie708 both bipolar and borderline are fairly common amongst misdiagnosed autistic females and if you specifically mean borderline there's quite a bit out there that seems to suggest it may be related to adhd and autism (also possibly giftedness) instead of being a personality disorder which would means borderlines would technically be borderlines whether they developed bpd or not

[@chelsea-victoriaturner9486]

I haven't watch this whole video but your videos are brilliant. So well put together, smart, and so thoughtful. Thank you

[@dantehajime709]

This is really facinating, thank you so much for sharing this. The living in characters and rhytmic tapping songs are very relatable.

[@soanalaichnam344]

As a child I used to build "caves" where I put blankets over a desk. I did this till I was 14. I am also a heavy daydreamer. I had some friends in kindergarten and primary school, but I was always the weird one. I lost a lot of them, when they changed to other schools than me. I can not handle my own workload, I'm chewing at my lower lip all the time and I'm picking my fingernails. I'm literally sitting in my bed right now, wrapped in three blankets and writing a story I always see in my head, before I go to sleep. I'm not diagnosed to be autistic, but after watching a lot of your videos I'm almost certain I am.

[@LauraBeeDannon]

I hope you share your stories one day.

[@123imagine]

I’ve been painting my nightmares.. waiting for the start of the screening process.. thanks for sharing 💜

[@cindybenforever7647]

YES THE BLANKET TABLE FORTS, I adored setting those up with pillows and sitting in the living room like a small goblin watching television

[@alext7005]

you described a lot of my experiences too, I'm not diagnosed either but my family and I are sure I'm on the spectrum

[@sabrinas9009]

thank you for the lying part! i lied sooooo much as a kid and i felt really bad doing it. i'm still doing it. e.g when i'm really overwhelmed and i know i can't handle a situation, it's just easier to say i'm physically sick.. I still hate doing it. it feels like i'm not giving myself the chances i deserve. i guess around 15 i started a book, where i wrote down my everyday lies. they were so many, it really scared me. i didn't understand at this age, that they were all lies to cover up my differences and struggles. i just felt like a horrible person. today i try to force myself to tell the truth, but sometimes i just can't.

[@rainbowkrampus]

Same, Once I figured out that I'm autistic and I started getting a better grasp on what my limitations are, the "need" to lie greatly diminished. Though, like you, sometimes I just don't have the capacity to deal.

[@shannonsmith924]

I’m.. not the only one then. It’s ruined my trust with my friends. They hate me for lying when I don’t even realize I lie to hide my shame in trying to please them when they put me on the spot for a curious question that’s inappropriate at the time to ask. I’m just curious! I mean come on. Every time they put me on the spot I feel horrible. Why would friends do this?

[@lynnemarie7885]

Gosh, this has unlocked A LOT of memories for me! My goodness! Also I was chronically at the nurses office because it was so quiet there. They gave you a bit of a rest in a quiet room with maybe a blanket (which I didn't like so much because scratchy, but the thought counted) and it was all cool temperatures and hushed tones. I loved it there.

[@bsmithremmick]

My husband found your channel for me - thanks for your videos - I was DX with ADHD and suspected autism - thanks so much

[@m.moreno1522]

It's really interesting how similar the experiences of people with ASD and ADHD can be.

[@serraangel177]

theyre usually comorbif bucko

[@prbydominiquepryor4198]

I don't know what I am struggling with. ADHD or ASD or both🤔😮‍💨😔

[@Megdracula]

I was diagnosed ADHD n starting to wonder if I’m both i wish I could rename off all the things that I relate to in this video… it’s just similar things with my own twists! Crazy. Makes me wonder

[@th3gr81]

It’s common for people with ASD to also be diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, & depression.

[@lyliavix4366]

@@serraangel177 Although medically correct I’m not sure comorbid is quite the best word these days-I’m the UK we use co-occurring/concomitant/associated or secondary condition particularly when describing mental health and ADD/ADHD/OCD/Autism spectrum. Don’t know why but I guess the ‘morbid’ part makes it sound a bit dark and dismal 🤣!

[@HorseLuver098]

I am there with you on the lying thing. I would also lie to peers about seeing a certain movie or watching certain TV shows. I was watching “kids shows” and playing with dolls when all the other kids were doing more “mature” things. I lied out of embarrassment.

[@snakenthusiast]

same!!! i hate "mature tv" and i much prefer childrens shows, i always have. i constantly lie about liking them though because i know they're incredibly childish and i didnt want to embarass myself.

[@brittainymedrano1519]

😳 I never realized until my children hit their growing out of dolls and Barbie phase how early that came… was rather shocking. I played Barbie’s until I was in 10th grade to some extent. I kinda miss escaping there lol

[@flyingroses]

@@snakenthusiast @MinaSoyMilk I think you should own it! There is no rule that states that once you "grow up" you should like "mature" content, and being genuine is an honourable trait to have ^^

[@snakenthusiast]

@@flyingroses Thank you! I have recently started to :)

[@moon_mint]

I literally never stopped watching Arthur 😭

[@TenderKiss86]

I clicked on this by accident. I kept watching because I have done every one of these examples. I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago. My childhood memories are mostly buried deep until your explanations brought some back. I had the same chunky boots and would use the heel to roll my ankles. I also would play with my hair and I was told, "if you don't keep your hair out of your mouth, I am going to cut it all off!" I am 36. I have also done the listing as I would always recite the order (pretend write in my head) of songs from Hanson albums. Thank you for your content. I am just now learning of all this "condition." Please forgive my overanxious typing conversational awkwardness.

[@SoniaJbrt]

I remember thinking everyone could hear my thoughts. The standing on toes thing I did that. I didn't have a favorite toy or blanket. Didn't need one. I cried when I got home from school not knowing why I was crying, just remember how exhausted I felt, how overwhelmed. Before I went to school, as a little girl, I remember thinking my siblings are so weird! Then starting school realizing all the kids were weird like my siblings. Only at age 11 I started to think that I was weird and the rest were normal.

[@alladreamwedreamed]

I still hide in bathrooms 🙃 in college I found a rare single locking ladies room on the uppermost floor hidden amongst empty offices and one rarely-used conference room. At my last job I used a lav in a closed nursing unit. Most recently I had to attend a wedding alone which was so 10/10 on my social anxiety scale that I probably went to the bathroom 40 times lol before I finally could leave

[@alicet2241]

I hide in bathrooms too! It’s conforting to know that other people do it hahah

[@RocksBoBo]

I do this too!

[@faeriesmak]

I don’t hide in bathrooms but I tend to hide in my walk in closet. It’s smaller, very cozy, and dark. Mind you..I am 45 and still tucking myself into small spaces all of the time.

[@Catlily5]

I hid in bathrooms at school to cry because I cried easily and I didn't want the other kids to see I was crying (show no weakness to bullies).

[@christine.b.k]

Going to the bathroom is my go-to move when I need a break from social situations!

[@lillil8282]

When I relate to content like this I dont know if Im on the spectrum or if there is no such thing as 'normal' and that everyone could relate to some elements

[@cappilau7448]

Same, I’m questioning as well but I relate to a number of these traits, albeit with some variations. Special mention goes to the finger tapping one, which I would tap my fingers to the rhythm… playing in my head. It’s something that I often do since my childhood.

[@julie-annhall2078]

I still tap things, but it's because I feel bad things will happen if I don't. I used to eat foam cushion filling but when the Dr. Put me on iron tablets that went away. I'm 54 and my son is 27 and he still walks on tiptoes from time to time, which is another sign of Autism, I think there's a bit of it in all of us.

[@rayafoxr3]

@@julie-annhall2078 the tapping thing is similar to OCD. Have you been diagnosed with that/thought about that possibility?

[@rayafoxr3]

@@julie-annhall2078 ya I agree there’s some symptoms of it in everyone. Not to deny autistic experiences, but I do think it is that everyone has some similisr experiences sometimes. But I do think it’s important to be careful with saying that, since it can come off as rude. Personally I know people saying “we’re all a little ADHD/OCD” is upsetting. Even if some people occasionally have tendencies, it’s nowhere like actually having it.

[@sneakypete1702]

Yes, everyone can relate to PARTS of autism. But how many of those markers do they have? Everyone has smells, sounds, textures, and places they dont like, everyone has things they like done a certain way...everyone has social blunders here and there, and everyone has quirks... but how does your brain work? Are you extremely literal, black/white thinking, inability to read body language or project it correctly, difficulty discerning sarcasm, executive function problems, emotional shut downs, involuntary physical movements (this is actually a good example....having a hand movement or involuntary moving doesnt mean Parkinson's or being a little bit Parkinson's) major sensory difficulties which overpower and drown out the things around you, difficulty reading social cues, hyper fixation on a topic, repetitive sound/dialogue loops, inability to connect to peer groups or making friends easily, situational mutism, or any other of the countless markers of autism....? Simply having a left hand doesn't make someone left handed.

[@Thaelyn1312]

Uhhhh wow. The whole "living in a fantasy world" thing strikes home, even now. Thank you for sharing 🌸

[@randomaccessmemories8912]

As someone diagnosed with ADHD i relate to some of these lol as a kid i used to “type” like on an invisible keyboard with my fingers, when i was older i did it more discretely, either typing my internal dialogue or what others were saying. Embodying my favorite book or movie character by trying to dress kinda like them and then walking around in my head feeling like i was living in their fantasy world, so fun. Also, i was extremely claustrophobic as a kid, couldn’t be in a room with the door shut but LOVED hiding in tight small spaces, sleeping under chairs, climbing in cupboards, etc, as long as i knew i could get back out easily. And the constant lying out of shame to get through school and awkward situations! Another weird habit was talking to and treating animals and trees with the utmost respect while treating actual people like “ew get away from me” lol

[@bolinhong2598]

My child has improved full and acting up right with his social skill and improved from his speech delay since taking dr Oyalo herbal remedy.

[@turtle4087]

Living as a character really resonated with me. I did this until around 15. 😅

[@Daisy-dp2ez]

Its kinda embarrassing but I'll still do it at times. Especially if my depression has gotten worse or I'm really bored at work. I'm 28

[@zeylah4531]

I still do that.

[@turtle4087]

@@Daisy-dp2ez You shouldn't be embarrassed. It's just another way of dealing with the hard times, similr to reading a book or watching TV. It's just a book in your head 🥰

[@AriesRising4444]

I still do this. I'm 69 years old😉

[@NoOne-wt6om]

I still do it.

[@jrg4313]

I am an old lady now. Last year I was diagnosed with being on the Autism Spectrum. It was 16 years ago I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. Things finally made sense. This video helps, and reading the comments help because I did many of the same things. Thank You!

[@ritamariekelley4077]

Me, too! It was a puzzle piece, another puzzle piece into why I couldn't learn like other kids.

[@mr.mcnuggies]

I'm a teenager but I learned I have Attention Defecit Disorder a few years ago and I definitely relate to this video too

[@rosemariediorio5431]

I am 81 years old only found out I haveADHD a few years ago .Looking for information about my nephew autism. The more I read the more I knew that I that I had ADHD .The doctors said I was to old to have it .I found a doctor who gave me a test and said I have all the symptoms So please if you just think you might have something do your homework and go for a test.Been in therapy for years until I was diagnosed.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@Rosemarie Diorio I can relate to that. I’m 61 and starting to pursue diagnosis for ADHD and may spring for autism as well. The DSM is frustrating because it’s really written for kids, and they’ve left out critical traits like emotional dysregulation. Some ADHD experts acknowledge this but other clinicians believe myths about ADHD, like if you weren’t diagnosed by old age you couldn’t have it. ADHD in older adults is almost completely unresearched.

[@charlottelouise209]

@@rosemariediorio5431 Your doctor telling you you were to old to have ADHD is proof some doctors are clueless idiot's. Does he think people stop having ADHD at a certain age, lol. I'd be embarrassed if I was your doctor.

[@ZebraChanda]

My gosh this video was like a slap in the face I related to almost everything... I've been trying to find the courage to go get a diagnosis and just doubting I'll actually get one but wow thank you.

[@Hartsock252]

Thank you very much for sharing. I could rely to most of what you shared. Especially with the hide&seek and the Lying. I would get sometimes even mad, when my Parents wouldn't find me (While they didn't even knew I was hiding). I have often whole conversations with People around me in my Head and then I am "surprised" that they don't know what we talked about it. And with the Homework, which I was overwhelmed with, 'cause I could not concentrate. I ended up with bad Grades and later in School I would simply stop doing them and make the Teachers accept that and in the End I made the Teachers not giving Homework to the whole Class.

[@awkward567]

In elementary school we would sometimes receive a fortune cookie with our lunch. I convinced a group of classmates that in order for your fortune to come true, you had to tear the paper into as many pieces as there were words in the fortune, then eat those pieces one by one. In all reality this was an elaborate cover story to explain why I was eating the paper fortune from my cookie 😂

[@louisacurrier2951]

That’s so creative !

[@catherinetyndale1734]

Yeah understandable

[@carrie893]

You are a genius

[@SammiQPatriot]

LOL that’s pretty clever!

[@au_barb]

This is absolutely ingenious!

[@brandivermillion3453]

The thing that stands out to me most is the way I ate my food. It was always one item at a time. Start on one, finish it move onto the next, rinse and repeat until my plate was cleared. Mixed fruit was especially hard for me as I had to eat my grapes first, then the peaches, then the pears. One time while I was eating lunch in 2nd grade I found I had missed a grape after Moving onto the peaches, and proceeded to have a full on panic attack. Hands on either side of my tray staring hard at my food I was hyperventilating and couldn’t get my breath. The kid next to me tapped me and asked if I was alright, I turned to him, with what I’m sure now was a manic look and said yea I’m fine. I managed to eat that grape and move on with the rest of my life.

[@animeloveer97]

i still do stuff like this

[@JaneNewAuthor]

I had to work out my food so I had little bits of all the food on my fork. I hated having any bits left over. I'm 69 now, and I still do it.

[@i_love_vi_]

Congrats on eating that grape lol

[@marthaneale2434]

@@animeloveer97 me too.

[@animeluver22113]

for most of my life I thought the normal way to eat was finish the food you started eating and then move on to the other. the day I found out that wasn't really the case was when I was eating rice and my uncle questions me on why I haven't touched the meat. from there I became more observant on how people eat and noticed that they tend to switch between foods. I always finish one food and I drink something before moving on to the next food.

[@jens1856]

My son was diagnosed with ADHD at 3yrs old, Anxiety teen n Autism at age 16 . He's now 19 now I notice things a lot more now cuz it's just myself n him. My oldest had multiple issues so didn't notice these things just thought bcuz of age difference he just didn't really interact with older 2.

[@samanthakate2117]

So interesting to watch this recently diagnosed as an adult and relate to so many of the things you always just think are normal as a child.