You Can't Choose Your Family (r/AmITheA**Hole)

[@AnnamarieForcino]

Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! www.bboutique.co/vibe/annamarieforcino-yt

[@chonk_fox89]

@AnnamarieForcino I'm a newer fan and subsriber but I really enjoy your content and the energy you bring as you cover them, along with your humour. However I was really disappointed in this sponsorship...it's advertised as a free toy or gift card. What it actually is is a gift card "up to x off" and so it's not actually a free gift, you have to spend money to get it. It's incredibly misleading and, as I said, very disappointing to see you supporting it and sharing it to your fans. I'm sure I'm not alone in being excited about potentially being able to get a free toy (hey, times are though and we all need a little stress relief, right?!) But to find out you need to spend almost $200 to get a decent amount off feels like a scam. And one that I gave my contact info to because I trusted your support of this business. I'll be reaching out to the company as well though I don't expect much to come from their end as they knew full well that they were misrepresenting the actual rewards being offered before they reached out to you with the sponsorship. It's greatly appreciated if you've taken the time to read this and I hope you have a great weekend!

[@divineruins]

hi

[@bonsaiwillow]

I’ve never signed up for a giveaway faster

[@alicequinn33]

Bellesa has an F rating with the BBB. Customer support is awful. It is very easy to think you're purchase will be 80 and have it come out to twice that amount with no further price confirmation. Countless complaints of broken toys. No order cancelations or editing even seconds after placing an order

[@chonk_fox89]

@alicequinn33 yea it's really gross. I've reaches out them and been ignored...I'm getting ready to put them on blast and contact _everybawdy_ you don't try and tempt me with free spicy toys and then not fulfill! 🤣🤣

[@nira09i]

As someone who's not American (I'm south Asian), the babysitter one is so weird to me, like in my culture it'd be humiliating for ourselves if our babysitter was in our house during mealtime and left without eating. In our culture, it is disrespectful to ME if you leave my house without eating SOMETHING, doesn't matter whether you're a guest or someone working for me

[@i.147]

reminds me of that time on twitter when everyone was going crazy over the fact that swedish parents apparently dont offer food to their kids friends when they come over lmao

[@Picking.a.name.is.hard1]

As an Italian 100%! In my culture its in poor taste to not offer something! A coffee AT LEAST! Also we wouldnt have anyone who was working during meals, because thats just so awkward and also just fucking rude. I cant imagine sitting there eating, while someone else is having to work! I have been raised to offer food to anyone in my home! And thats how I grew up. Honestly cant go to anyones house in Italy without them offering you something. Depending on the time itd be a whole meal, or a dessert or a drink or something!

[@Picking.a.name.is.hard1]

​@@i.147 German parents also dont do that (in my experience) Which is INSANE to me😂 Generally I think just dont invite anyone into your home around mealtimes if you are not gonna at least OFFER to give them something (I fully understand that if ur having lunch perhaps you simply cant afford to feed more than your family! But just invite sb over AFTER lunch) Idk whenever I have had friends over my parents have ALWAYS offered them to eat with us if we are having a meal. Or if its just a random visit, and not around mealtimes my mother will usually offer whatever she has on hand (fruit, dessert, ice cream) or even BAKE something (which I totally appreciate is not possible for everyone) Idk tldr I think its weird to have people in your home and not offer them at least a little something to eat/drink.

[@drskellybones8049]

same here in new zealand. if you’re over at our house at the very least we’re gonna offer you a cup of tea

[@thatonearoace]

I’m from the US and maybe the people in the area I live in are odd but in the area I live it’s just considered odd to be eating when you have people over to do any work on your house (cleaning, repair, etc)

[@heclec4420]

I can just imagine that one mom, through wet eyes and an uneasy smile saying, "You could experience the... JOY of having... FOUR children."

[@jbuckley759]

Not to mention that the FATHER dropped the kids off at the grandparents ? like he cant? but op should?

[@bimpadimp]

​@@jbuckley759tbf the husband could be going on the trip with her like op's partner does. but the fact that the grandparents were available and she asked a COWORKER is crazy to me. just because she/the husband didn't want to make that hour drive to the grandparents I assume? I just can't imagine trying to entrust a random coworker with your children before asking your family

[@AnnamarieForcino]

WITH an eye twitch

[@squidgig]

just that notion alone is so insane to me LOL. i would have had to try really hard not to laugh in her face

[@rigby.walabee]

​@@bimpadimpso if the husband is going on the trip why can't they take the kids? Hubby can watch them. It's a work trip, not a vacation. If you chose to have kids you deal with them.

[@mxsimone1097]

if coworker op were a man, no one would call her cold for not being willing to watch 4 children who she doesn't know during her vacation

[@emilyjohn2034]

If coworker was a man they probably wouldn’t even have been asked. And you know they wouldn’t have mentioned “experiencing the joy of having kids!!” If it was a man

[@lizstolte2634]

The babysitter is definitely NTA! The parents always insist I help myself to any food in the house. And when I pet sit, they tell me the same thing! What do they expect her to eat? If you bring in outside food, it could be something the kids are allergic too, or the kids might want that food instead!

[@drskellybones8049]

i’m dog sitting tonight i hope the family isn’t like those parents 😭

[@HuckleberryLover]

Same for me with dog sitting! They say anything in the fridge is open to me as well as they usually ask what snacks I want and buy them beforehand. It's greatly appreciated. Some people want to hire a person and not expect them to have the needs of a person smh

[@Atlasintokyo]

Like legit if ur there all day you're gonna need energy to do ur job

[@josiea.3855]

I babysat for a family a few years ago and they told me the same! The family from the story was definitely TA 😭

[@ashelaaayyy]

I do pet sitting as well and have one lady that will stock her fridge with enough food to last me a week even if I'm only there 2 days. She'll then message me later saying she feels bad because she didn't think she got enough food for me.

[@GreyishBobbi]

The coworker trying to get babysitting for.. four kids? For a week?? FOR FREE??? I am baffled in like eighteen different ways

[@user74027nh]

OP is a better person than me cause I would've torn Sue a new one for that. Cause first of all asking someone with no childcare experience, who you barely know and who your spouse and kids don't know at all, to babysit for a week is just borderline negligent. You're asking for something bad to happen. And that's not getting into how entitled it is to even ask someone who isn't family to do that *on a holiday weekend* FOR FREE.

[@sarbearr4]

We would’ve been in hr and I would have made her cry, because I feel her crotch goblins are her responsibility. Like fuck around and find out the endless number of reasons I can find to not want to have FOUR children on a holiday weekend. Like all the coworkers who have the audacity to be salty can know I’m not watching their child for free either.🤷‍♀️

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

​@@sarbearr4 Also how do the coworkers have the audacity to give her grief when they're not volunteering to watch the lady's kids, either.

[@CatBarefield]

SAME

[@MayaMickaMicak]

It would be strange if the coworker left her kids to another coworker to take care of who also has kids of their own, but how could someone leave four small children to someone who doesn't have children and probably doesn't even know how to take care of them at all?? I don't have/want children and if someone left me with four young children for just a few hours I don't think all of them would've survived lol, since I don't know how to take care of them. And if I was a mother I would be really afraid of leaving my kids with someone who probably doesn't know a thing about taking care of them, especially if they're practically a stranger to me. I understand this woman is probably desperate to take a break and (I'm assuming) the husband doesn't help much, or she's maybe regretting her choices idk- I can have empathy for that, but she still needs to make rational decisions and not put her kids in danger possibly by leaving them with a stranger who doesn't know how to take care of them. Even if the kids were teenagers it would be weird, but small children that are practically babies have really specific needs, all of them have different needs, and I would be very concerned leaving so many children with someone who doesn't even have one child and who is not used to it, four of them is too much. I imagine if OP accepted to take care of those kids and she took them outside to play or to get ice cream, and while she's changing someone's diaper, another one could run into traffic or something else that's horrible. I imagine it would be really difficult to have your attention divided between four young children, especially for someone who doesn't have experience with anything to do with children. I'm glad OP refused but I'm worried if the coworker makes more bad decisions like this, or if she leaves her children with someone unequipped or even dangerous next time.

[@OutsideGalaxy]

I feel like Reddit sometimes votes NTA when someone is legally in the right while forgetting that things don't occur in a bubble. For the first story. Yeah, OP has absolutely no legal obligation to share that inheritance. But is it really worth nuking your relationship with your family for years or possibly the rest of yours or their life? And really, only OP can answer that.

[@kenzie4217]

you get like a million posts which are just bait, and then you'll have a post like "AITA for not liking my husbands spaghetti" and everyone in the comments is like foaming at the mouth writing 3 paragraph long replies explaining how their marriage is doomed to fail.

[@ritzcracker9901]

they are being objective

[@Gingersnaps_the_pumpkin_kitty]

Also, why be mad about the adoption?? Like wtf??

[@dopex89]

​@@Gingersnaps_the_pumpkin_kittyyeah I didn't get how hee dad was at fault, I'd understand if she was the adopted child and was lied to, but although it's her family, this doesn't really affect her directly. Kind of wonder if she's creating this drama to justify keeping the money

[@darkshadowrule2952]

Fr, imagine destroying your relationship with your father and your half-brother because it was legally fine to implicitly agree with your shitty grandparents that your big brother didn't deserve a father, without whom you wouldn't even exist anyway, by profiting off their hateful decisions, just wow.

[@maxthemannequin4143]

Honestly, I think it's cowardly to drop a bombshell in a letter after you die. You get to peace out and not deal with the aftermath of what could be family-shattering info? And don't make other people hold secrets for you like that, that's awful. If you can't share info face to face, that's fine. Send a letter. But do it when you're alive and able to help them deal with the fallout. The grandpa is definitely the AH in that story, and grandma is not much better.

[@angelaa7388]

AND the OP is using the grandparents slut-shaming of her mother to justify her keeping the inheritance for herself. The grandpa thought of OP's mom as SO dirty, that her dirt got on OP's dad when he married her. I wouldn't feel right keeping money that was given out of spite. Her dad chose his family over money, she should reward him for doing the right thing.

[@mr.bingusthecat]

i think it’s valid for her to feel overwhelmed by the info, especially cause she can’t even talk to her the person who shared it, and i also think it’s understandable to feel upset about being lied to your whole life. people are bound to feel a little betrayed when their family keeps a secret. that is as much sympathy i can give to the op. this new information shouldn’t affect how you see your family’s dynamic. that is still your brother. it just feels very self centered to be so upset that you’re willing to ruin your families relationship when it isn’t even about you. her father isn’t at fault because he raised the child as his own son, and the brother obviously isn’t at fault for having a different biological dad. if anything, she should feel betrayed that her grandparents would do that to her family. it just annoys me that she never even talks about how her brother might feel or how all of this might affect him. she managed to make the situation about herself

[@StandAloneSoul]

I haven't watched the video yet but I was reading through the comments already, maybe to get a warning insight into some of the contents before they hit my ears since my physical perceptions (seeing vs hearing in this case) are kind of split off of each other and some are more sensitive to trigger than others, however, your comment made me so proud, I know youre relating to the content that was prepared for us and appreciative towards it and all of this is not about me, but I just cant afford private paid therapy right now and feel the need to talk okay so, just skip away now if youre not interested in my personal story.. Its just that, after i found out what one person in my family did to me and others (I had supressed the memory for two decades thats why I 'found out', it took me two years of gathering my strength and bravety but I made it, and I told his ex wife who was still in very close contact to him since they where 'best friends and soulmates' or whatever, but I told her, not every detail, but one sentence to each kind of crime, and I made sure that she would remember and take jt serious and from what she told me, it made her cut cintact with him and I did all this even though I had already planned to cut cintact to all of them, but I just wanted her to know the truth, I also wrote her a long letter about why I also cut contact with her side of the family aswell, and all this nefore i cut her off, too, and now she can let kthers know if she wants to, it was hard enough to say all these things even once, and well his side of the family knows already so, I consider it taken care of within the birders of what I as a person am capable of emotio ally but yeah i did it! And even though she was the person that did NOT BELIEVE ME when I was a child and a teen and then later said that I didnt say it ojt loudly or clearly enough and well i made sure to do that at the end. I did. Then I fled. I am so proud of myself.

[@kunitherock]

⁠@@angelaa7388right .. I found myself getting mad at op bc while I do understand to an extent ..her father didn’t do anything inherently wrong from what I’m saying so it rly upsets me that she reacted that way? Like … that’s still his son he raised him his whole life

[@princess_glitzy424]

@@kunitherockyeah and even if she’s mad at her dad for keeping it a secret what did her brother do wrong?

[@intern_dana]

admittedly im really sensitive about this kind of thing, but the op recovering from addiction being labeled as YTA pissed me the fuck off. like he KNEW that Will wasn't being a dick and was genuinely thankful for him. but we don't know the family dynamic beyond that; we don't know how many extended family members knew about his addiction, or just how much they knew about it. for all we know, Will could've just aired that dirty laundry to everyone but mostly im mad cause...op just left? and they're the asshole for it????? it didn't sound like he blew up at anyone! he didn't start an argument. he just quietly left after the meal, which is when most people start leaving anyway. it read more to me like "okay i'm in a bad mood now i'm just gonna leave instead of stay and fester" y'know? yeah ig he could've talked to Will before or after, but I imagined he was baffled that he'd do such a thing in the first place. like, if my parents stood up at thanksgiving and said "I'm grateful that [intern-dana] has gone the last year without throwing up a meal in the toilet" or "i'm grateful that [intern-dana's brother] is 10 years clean and sober!" we'd both be equally ashamed and upset, no matter how sincerely mom meant it or the fact our families already know that

[@kylar-cat]

THANK you

[@cydude5856]

I definitely agree. Even if it was sincere Will could have done better with how he phrased it. A simple "I'm grateful we're all here together" or "I'm thankful for my brother and everything he's accomplished" would be way sweeter than "I'm grateful my brother is alive and sober."

[@random-2141]

I never had to deal with this kind of things, but I 100% agree

[@fadeuhhway]

I agree 100% . And reddit is horribly hateful to addicts, whether in recovery or not, they don't care. The only hate I didn't encounter was in subs specifically relating to substances or recovery. OP was NTA at all. I'd be so embarrassed no matter how grateful my relative might be. This is NOT the time and place, and not every family member im sure knows their status regarding addiction. Not only is it embarrassing, but it can possibly damage the relationships with those who found out like this, as it might not have been THAT obvious, and as I said, too many people do not like addicts.

[@al3xisd3ad]

agree. and being one year sober is still so early in recovery and you're kind of extra sensitive around that time (at least i was) and bringing up someone's addiction around a group of people is such an ah thing to do

[@tristonanan]

With the addiction story, I feel like everyone is rushing to defend the brother while ignoring the actual person with addiction. I have personal and professional ties to this topic and I felt like I was living in an alternate reality the entire time. After a triggering topic was brought up, OP quietly left. That's what I tell the people I work with they can do in situations like this. While I am sure the brother was well intentioned, that doesn't change that him bringing up OP's trauma (because that's what it is) when he knows it's a sensitive topic for OP (as established) is an asshole move. Intent doesn't equal impact, folks. It doesn't matter if his feelings are sincere. His actions hurt OP and he trivialized OP's feelings when he called OP. OP is NTA.

[@meebhasarrived]

Yes! The ruling on that one honestly made me so mad! Focusing way more on OPs feelings being "wrong" and not enough on him acting responsibly to deal with his feelings in the moment and remove himself from a triggering situation. I even went to the actual post because I couldn't believe it, and felt like I was actually going insane. So much projection going on. I hope OP sees some of the NAH and NTA comments also.

[@solus8685]

Exactly!! I hate how people alway excuse bad actions with "but he _meant_ well 🥺🥺🥺"

[@cydude5856]

When listening to it I just thought Intent does not equal impact.

[@sleepyhollowo]

i agree, especially since OP’s brother called him a dick when OP told him how the toast affected him. that’s not ok. no matter your intent, if you hurt a loved one’s feelings, it’s important to acknowledge that harm and apologize, and do better in the future.

[@kenzie4217]

Glad people are calling this shit out. Cause anna sure as fuck wont.

[@i.147]

i dont really agree with the 'leaving thanksgiving early' story results, op mentions that his brothers KNOWS he doesnt want the subject of his addiction brought up at family gatherings (probably happened before) and his brother decided to ignore that in favour of his own feelings. of course an addiction will affect everyone in a family, and his feelings are sincere and valid, but if his brother knew it would make op uncomfortable why no pick a different way of expressing those feelings? idk, im not an addict but im mortified just imagining my family talking about my depression and how theyre glad im here despite everything that happened at a family gathering, or something like that. i would be pissed too. wouldnt say the brother was an asshole but when it comes to sensitive topics like that you should respect the wishes of the person involved.

[@PinkCatsy]

The redditor saying OP should be proud instead of embarrassed rubbed me the wrong way. Don't police other people's feelings like that. It doesn't matter if he was genuine, that could still be upsetting

[@SpecialBlanket]

addiction doesn't necessarily affect the whole family. i was a heroin addict for 6 years and none of my biofam ever knew. never had $ problems, nothing.

[@abccba4889]

Yeah my first thought was the brother was the AH because not his story to tell. Like if he’d just said something about how he was thankful for his brother and left out the addiction then it would’ve been fine but he chose to drag out a difficult topic in front of the family in a, my personal opinion, cruel and inappropriate way. OP was only one year sober, which is a feat in itself, and someone else chose to bring in up in a way OP isn’t ready for.

[@asghoststpd]

@@PinkCatsyAlso, that same person literally said everyone is entitled to their own feelings?? So why do they feel allowed to tell OP how he should be feeling about it?? Very confusing

[@RandomSwiftie13]

It can be so triggering. It is embarassing when someone close to you brings out a sensitive topic about you in a public setting. Do not ever do that to anyone.

[@mackenzieperkins8427]

As someone who was a babysitter/nanny AND who was raised in a food scarce environment with sitters around..if you can't afford the food to be eaten, you tell the sitter up front. My mother couldn't afford much, and the few paid sitters we had she told them clearly-before they accepted the job-she was struggling and only had enough dinner for us. Then I got older and worked for many, but predominately wealthy people and the ONLY ones to say "don't eat the food" were the wealthy ones scared of the poors coming in to eat the organic snacks like "a free handout" **the exact words of a woman I never worked for again, all because I ate a yogurt.

[@goldensloth7]

ugggghhhhhh

[@mackenzieperkins8427]

@@goldensloth7 the exact sound I made as I left lol

[@ErutaniaRose]

Good point. And damn. I grew up in a richer family but luckily not a snobby one. We have cleaners who come once a week, since cleaning can be hard with multiple disabled members of the house, and we always order them a pizza and we all have a nice pizza day.

[@reckless_herb]

@@ErutaniaRoseoh that’s smart. i should suggest that to my mom. we’re also a house full of disabled people, and we’re so lucky to be able to afford cleaners. they come maybe once a month for us but they’re great

[@nataliar6419]

isn’t it weird to eat other people food if it wasnt ordered for the occasion though? in the story here they ordered a pizza for the children to eat so i expect the nanny to eat too, but if i buy a yogurt for myself i expect that yogurt to be there when i come back no?

[@kairabyrd2790]

As far as the babysitting AITA, I’ve babysitted plenty of times and every time, regardless of the many families across May regions and walks of life, if I served them food, they always told me I could eat the food or gave me money to buy myself food while at their house. Don’t hire a babysitter and expect them to feed your kids without feeding themselves as well.

[@ChristopherSadlowski]

I don't have kids, but I have had people house and pet sit for me before. I always tell them to eat whatever food they find in the house because I don't want to throw stuff away when I come back. I also leave the passwords for the game consoles, computer, and Wi-Fi so they can hook into the Internet and play games and stuff. My mind is actually kind of blown that people DON'T do this kind of stuff. I don't know, people are weird and I don't understand them most of the time

[@IrisSnow]

The only time I didn't eat with the kids as a babysitter was when I was babysitting for a family who had a child with multiple severe food allergies. (Gluten, dairy, soy, strawberries, peanuts and tree nuts, watermelon, and something else that I'm currently forgetting.) I would shower, brush my teeth and make sure I scrubbed extra well under my nails and my clothes were freshly washed before going over. I was offered food at their house but tbh the food options available weren't appetizing to me and there was no way I was going to bring outside food into their home.

[@Atlasintokyo]

Like how rude would it be to have your babysitter watch the kids get to eat while the babysitter is dizzy bc of being thirsty/hungry especially if it's a all day or overnight babysitting I think that's so inconsiderate they need energy to care for kids.

[@dumbysoup9011]

I always got food too 😭 they always leave food for everyone and tell us how much we can get and to leave some for them too if they want some and to tell them if the kids want more to eat

[@acompassrose1366]

I'm American, and yes, here it is a known thing to feed your babysitter. And friends. And kid's friends.

[@roselisesullivanbarrett]

Other coworkers(for the AITA surrounding watching coworkers kids) calling op “cold” for not wanting to take on a literal job/big responsibility for a week of watching FOUR young kids… feels like some big childless-woman centric misogyny. Is that just me??? Like it made my hair stand on end uncomfortable. Because the idea of women needing to have children to be ‘complete’ or that a woman not having children is selfish is a pretty strong take that’s still around despite women being their own people and getting to make choices about their body and life. The perception of childless women being ‘unnurturing’, ‘heartless’, ‘empty’, and yes ‘cold’ because they decide their life is best focused on things outside of raising a child is very much a present but misogynistic perception. Yucky.

[@Ax-xo4ux]

Made my hair perk up in “I smell a “but children are the best thing to happen to a woman” senses” and “WHY WONT YOU HAVE BABIES??” Level Karen

[@bobsborger]

YES. did y'all notice where OP casually drops the fact that sue has a HUSBAND??? yet she (& apparently her other coworkers) wants a woman she doesn't know that well to watch her four young kids for a week, for free... it's definitely giving misogyny. i also wouldn't be completely shocked if sue thinks OP "just hasn't met the right guy" lmao

[@lilypad2714]

That would be my idea of hell tbh. The whole pregnancy thing sounds like bodily torture (as someone who is extremely sensitive and every month feels like I’m being punished by my hormones) and having one kid sounds exhausting, let alone 4, so if anyone tries to tell me that my life won’t be complete unless I have children I will just laugh at them. The misogyny and superiority complex was so strong with that one, it made me sick to my stomach 😭

[@longlivebeans]

I’m a parent & even I wouldn’t take on that task. Four is too god damn many lol I’d be asking for a security deposit.

[@parkchimmin7913]

It doesn’t help with the overturn on Roe v Wade in the US (at least in some states) too. Because their reproductive health rights are in jeopardy. They’re even trying to take away birth control. It’s like they don’t want women to be childless.

[@Illhavesnakes]

Coworker story- why the hell did anyone expect op to watch FOUR KIDS for a WEEK?? They don't even have childcare experience wtf?? Especially when they wont even be staying at home. So weird.

[@lopezcarmencecilia]

Even though the coworker is clearly in the wrong, I suspect she might sometimes regret having so many children because she wanted to get rid of them pretty quickly. And the husband situation doesn´t give me much hope, since if he were an active parent he could possible take care of them (instead of dumping them at their granparents). But these are all assumptions from this story and mysoginistic gender roles.

[@fevre_dream8542]

I don't have kids, but if I did I would never entrust them to a stranger I know nothing about with no childcare experience.

[@soupy_soup2]

@@lopezcarmencecilia Oh she 100% regrets having children. She wants OP to experience the joy of having children while clearly miserable. Doesn't seem like the husband is willing to help out either (aka do his job as a parent but I digress). If he was, she wouldn't have to ask some random coworker she barely knows to take care of them.

[@theshire9173]

Beyond being rude, it's also so irresponsible to leave young children with someone you don't know very much and they don't know at all for such a long time

[@wrenmassey6876]

Especially if she isn't getting any compensation. Taking care of 4 small children for a whole week, especially if you are traveling, becomes so expensive so quickly because now you have 4 unplanned mouths to feed and 4 kids you need to keep entertained (which also could mean sacrificing adult orientented activities that were already planned). It will definitely change up the entire vacation and would cost op so much extra money that they weren't planning on spending, so yeah, she is not the asshole

[@Peachessssss13]

As someone who struggled with a sh addiction the thanksgiving table is NOT the place to share that. I get that it affects everyone. but that doesn’t mean you need to share it with extended family who probably wasn’t affected over the holidays. without the permission of the person who suffered with the addiction.

[@goldensloth7]

HELL no

[@Hannahgs]

Agree

[@zanesantiago4949]

Fr why would you bring that up unless you want to upset someone and make everyone else uncomfortable

[@Muffinn_Cakes]

Exactly. I was surprised by the ruling... Everyone was like "But his brother probably meant well... 🥺" If his brother meant well, he wouldn't have called OP a dick for literally just leaving because his brother brought up a sensitive topic that didn't need to be brought up. Why does OP have to be the understanding one in that situation? His brother wasn't at all. His brother should have just apologized.

[@alexxhansen8133]

agreed, mby Will was that drunk and meant well, but its still not an excuse and the way Will handled it after made it so much worse, OP is absolutely nta

[@lillypeterson6512]

as a fellow opiate addict, imma have to say he's not the asshole. my mom said how thankful she was that i am sober and it made me so uncomfortable. for context, im 17f and struggled with addiction for 5 years (opiates, stimulants, alcohol) and still live with my parents. EDIT: im almost one year sober, (dec 02)

[@wannabehistorian371]

Jeez you were an addict at 12?

[@AnnamarieForcino]

congrats on your sobriety! wishing you all the best 💞💞

[@lawfully_dumb]

:D congrats on almost one year of sobriety 🎉🎉🎉

[@lillypeterson6512]

@@AnnamarieForcino thx so much! wishing u the best too :)

[@gayghostprince]

congratulations on almost one year sober! I'm proud of you, even tho we don't know each other. You clearly worked very hard and you deserve to be recognized for that

[@kenzie4217]

As an addict. The dude whos an addict, Just NTA straight up. he had a right to be pissed even if his brother had good intentions. I don't think his brother way trying to be an asshole, but he still was being one. like you can celebrate someones recovery in a way that isn't embarrassing and insulting. Imagine if you had a brother who was depressed and in during thanksgiving you got up and said "man i sure am thankful my brother didn't kill himself this year." In front of the whole family, most of which you probably aren't close to. Like maybe walking out of thanksgiving wasn't the best, but i don't blame him at all. Reddit just has a bias against addicts a lot of the time.

[@kylar-cat]

Absolutely

[@solus8685]

Exactly. I hate how people believe everything needs to be shared at all times just because you're fAmiLy

[@BookGal-wx5ww]

THIS!!! And he didn't even leave the main event! Just didn't stick around to mingle.

[@RamonaGelosi]

totally agree, I've been through (and I'm still struggling) with a lot of mental health issues and I imagine being the OP and omg I would cry. If his brother was grateful about it maybe he could've talked in private to OP and said "hey, I didn't say it in the speech bc I didn't know how you would feel but I'm really grateful and proud of you". IS THAT SO HARD?!?!?!? OK I'M JUST SEEING THE REDDIT COMMENTS AND I'M HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING...you can tell when people haven't been through sh!t. That would've been my worst thanksgiving...

[@akechilovebot3861]

Yeah, it was strange to see how quickly everyone labeled him the asshole. He didn't cause a scene or anything either. He just left. I think it's unfair to mention it in this way in front of everyone and making the atmosphere uncomfortable. As someone with depression, your analogy is spot on, and OP was definitely not overreacting. People have boundaries, and they should be respected.

[@lacexv]

I'm a chef who cooks thanksgiving dinner for 100s of people, and I literally cannot fathom how this woman is single handedly cooking all of that cook. What a soldier, I feel so bad for her.

[@shannond1511]

It’s kinda weird how ppl think it’s ok to bring up ppl’s past addiction or whatever to “celebrate” then in front of others. Save it for when you’re one on one. My niece was addicted badly and also human trafficked, I can’t even imagine saying something like “I’m glad you’re safe and back and getting out of addiction and an abusive pimp for years” in front of a bunch of ppl. Just because it “effects” others, doesn’t make it ok. Not everybody wants to be reminded or wallow in it, they wanna get past it and move on. When it’s human trafficking, no one would dare cross that boundary, but even tho addiction also includes many other problems such as that, ppl are totally fine calling them out in front of others with their “good intentions” intentions aren’t what’s important, it’s the effect it actually has on the person. And what was with the one commenter saying “there’s no one here that doesn’t already know?” How do they figure/assume that? And that’s not the point, ultimately…

[@onewomanarmy6451]

I hate it when people who choose to have kids say "you're so lucky" to people who are childfree. It's one thing if you are a loved one and you've had a tough day or something but it is so common for people to say this to acquaintances, coworkers and the like for some reason. What if the person you say that to want kids but can't for some reason, such a smack in the face. For people who have chosen to be childfree, no matter if it's simply for the time being or they never want kids, that is not luck but a deliberate choice just like how the person with kids choose to raise their kids. It is such a weird thing to say to someone and what if their kids heard their parent say that!?

[@lindatheheathen]

If addiction wasn’t seen as a moral failing or character flaw, it maybe wouldn’t have landed the way it did. Unfortunately, even bringing it up can bring a sense of shame and guilt over the past, especially in a group setting.

[@RandomSwiftie13]

It can be triggering for many who are trying to stay sober but if people kept reminding them of their addiction especially in a group setting then they might relapse because it's like getting the urge of that intrusive thought of doing the opposite of what people are telling you to do.

[@zanesantiago4949]

@@RandomSwiftie13 it seems like the bother is also aware of this on some level as op mentioned that he knew he didn’t want it spoken about publicly

[@solus8685]

Yeah, it can ruin a person's whole day. Knowing that others think about your addiction maybe even more than you.. Way to raise insecurities

[@nat-the-cat11]

That’s insane. I can’t imagine asking someone I barely know to watch my kids for a full week, unless I’m hiring a professional nanny or babysitter. And I would never let them TRAVEL with my children. That feels almost negligent.

[@jordy_muhnordy]

I feel like the traveling bit was overlooked! I couldn't imagine sending my kids away with people they don't know for an entire week (I don't have any kids but still). Not only that, but the host of Thanksgiving has to make arrangements to have 4 extra people eat/sleep in their home. Sue was wrong to ask OP

[@FS-qk5uq]

Yeah that's why I don't believe the story is real. I think it's a made up story to make people with kids seem deranged, and I say this as a woman who doesn't want kids, it seems trendy among the childless "community" to absolutely shit on parents and make them (and babies or little children) just existing in public seem unreasonable. Like the 1 airplane lady blasting a parent for politely asking her to switch seats in first class. She conveniently neglected to mention the kid was also in first class. I mean you're not required to switch but it wasn't an unreasonable ask. There's also people filming themselves in public like on an airplane or restaurant near a crying baby, putting on overly dramatic annoyed faces so they can put parents on blast on the internet instead of helping or at least being understanding. I don't like the sound either but they're freaking babies and have as much right to exist in public as anyone else. If you hate it so much, you should be the one to stay out of public; this is just a display of how society is crumbling. Sorry for the rant.

[@nat-the-cat11]

@@FS-qk5uq no this makes so much sense and I completely agree

[@nat-the-cat11]

@@FS-qk5uq while AITA can be fun I think most of the stories are fake tbh

[@frozenheart7133]

The alternative option was driving 1 hour to drop the kids off with family. That's wild to me. Why in the world would you ask a co-worker to be with your children?!?

[@Loxalair]

The first one is a *lot*, because on top of having this bomb dropped on her about her brother, she also got the bomb that her grandma kind of sucks, while she's still grieving her grandma. What a shitty reason to not give your child and grandchild inheritance money. I had a lot of great holidays with my grandfather, and I lost him when I was 12, but I had a decade and a half between that and learning some of how much he sucked. OP needs to take a deep breath, process this, and definitely see a therapist to try and work through it, but also speak to her dad and brother soon. They are literally blameless in this and deserve, at minimum, answers

[@reckless_herb]

the dad isn’t blameless!! he kept the fact that he isn’t a bio dad a secret the kids entire life. if he told the kids from the jump he wouldn’t have broken their trust. there’s no way that’s an easy thing to learn late in life and it’s exclusively at the fault of the parents. there’s nothing wrong with adopting a kid but there is something wrong with lying to that kid it’s entire life leaving your parents to share that with them instead??? through a letter?? after death???? that dads awful

[@noname-wo1xg]

@@reckless_herb I completely agree with you. There's so many things which could go wrong for the son when he doesn't know his full medical history. Also there was no mention of the Bio dad in this so like, did he even know he has a son? Also, like, what if the bio dad doesn't want anything to do with him but the grandparents do. By not telling him he has another biological part of his family, they're not only potentially harming him medically, but also keeping him away from extended relations who may have wanted to know him. I think if I found out my parents were capable of keeping such big secrets to themselves I'd start questioning everything as well. My verdict is split the money with the brother, show him the letter and sort things out with the parents in family therapy.

[@TheAPTGamer]

​@reckless_herb If you think that Dad's awful you're a shitty person, that's only more evident with how you're up and down this comment section condemning him. In situations like this I don't think it's unfair to keep that information from OP's brother and especially not from OP, even if the kids knew from a young age it could create some sort of rift or resentment.

[@Maker0824]

That first one confused me so much. Who tf cares? Being a good parent matters WAY more than being biology. I’ve always known I’m not biologically related to both my parents, so I don’t care about it. I’ve always been so confused in media where it’s like “blood bonds make us strong” or “I have to find my real family”. Who supports you is who matters. Biology only matters for genetics, not relationships.

[@Maker0824]

About the second: if the babysitter was there for only a short amount of time then I think it’s a little strange to eat. if they are there for any time longer than 2 and a half hours then that’s pretty rude to not want them to eat food.

[@availanila]

You'd me shocked to know of a story where the adopted OP abandoned and went NC with her adopted family when she got a _huge_ inheritance from her bio grandmother. She wasn't even dead yet, just giving her a stipend till she died. Didn't know bio mom and bio dad didn't want her still. A friend of mine was adopted by the dad she knows. She's a daddy's girl and got such a complex realizing it wasn't her dad she attempted and went crazy till her parents asked her if she wanted to meet her bio dad. She didn't, her mind came back to her realizing whoever the heck that guy and his family were just hung around acting like she didn't exist while her dad's family wholeheartedly adopted and loved her through her best and worst. She's married and mommy of two now. Her hubby is Uber rich and while pregnant with her second bio dad's side and him came asking for their blood. She didn't even want to know who they were.

[@Dgnmuse]

I think she just feels lied to but I honestly get why the parents wouldn’t say anything to the kids. Imagine explaining your grandparents disowned you cause you had married a guy who wasn’t the father of your first born. That’s traumatizing asf and hard to put lightly.

[@kphoria1009]

@@Maker0824even if they were there for an hour, who wants to see hot pizza in front of them being eaten and they can’t have any?

[@plzleavemealone9660]

It kinda just sounds like either an extreme case of purity culture or OP trying to make up an excuse to keep the money. And sadly... it sounds like the second one.

[@solus8685]

Bringing up such a sensitive topic at a family gathering is not only embarrassing but can straight up make someone relapse, the brother is the AH.

[@kennedy.5152]

plus the holidays can be a really hard time for addicts. there's a lot of exposure to alcohol especially, as it sounds was the case for OP.

[@godoffood1250]

Happy thanksgiving yall, can’t wait to see my homophobic extended family 😍

[@alissaspark9497]

That’s literally so preppy 🤞🤞🤞

[@jonajo9757]

Atleast the food's good? (Punish their homophobia by taking all of the crispy breading on the baked macaroni)

[@mindofmisery3296]

On the babysitter thing these parents are the assholes 100% never in my life have I ever heard of a family telling the human that is watching they're probably asshole kids and not feeding that person It is literally an unspoken rule of babysitting babysitters eat These parents sound probably rich and greedy and how did the rich stay rich their assholes 😂😂

[@ChromaBiscuit]

@@jonajo9757that is just vile. Do it.

[@I3boobs-f5p]

@@jonajo9757I like the way you think

[@yolandadespain2414]

Inheritance- I don’t understand why OP is so upset about the situation? It barely affects her. Her dad is still her dad. The brother is the one having his world rocked. While she has no legal right to share the money with her father I feel like it’s the right thing to do in my opinion. Her father loved her mother so much he took on another child that isn’t his. I would be proud of my son not disown him. Everyone (grandpa, grandma, and OP) are the assholes.

[@jasperjazzie]

i mean, she's having all this stuff suddenly exposed to her, and having to deal with the fact her grandma kinda sucked while still grieving her grandma, i feel like that would upset anybody. idk how you managed to take away that op is an asshole when she's done literally nothing but go off

[@wolfwatch9731]

yea i understand maybe being a briefly upset that you didn’t know, but what does it change? whether your brother and your dad are biologically related isn’t your business. now, if the brother is upset once he finds out that’s understandable bc it directly effects him, but OP? what’s her deal??

[@lorrella8571]

Exactly!

[@yolandadespain2414]

⁠​⁠@@wolfwatch9731exactly. She is sounding extremely judgmental. I read a comment in the thread stating what a shitty thing for your grandparents to do to get to further the drama by isolating her. In my opinion it seems like she’s punishing her father further by not wanting to talk to him about it.

[@gaberlc]

> I don’t understand why OP is so upset about the situation? If they're upset they get to keep the money with a clean conscience, if she by any chance feels sympathetic to father and brother well... It'd be shitty not share the money right?

[@zombiesoclock6012]

So glad i dont have to pretend to be a cis straight women to my extended family today. Stay safe yall

[@imlostinthefade]

Congrats! Hope it went OK :)

[@zombiesoclock6012]

@@imlostinthefade LOL THANKS i really hope i dont have to visit next year

[@imlostinthefade]

@zombiesoclock6012 I relate to this very very well :( Good luck on that!

[@puppycharmss]

the addict story. as a recovered addict myself, he is NOT the fucking asshole in my eyes. it is a HORRIBLE thing to go through yes, and its something to celebrate being alive and clean, but *not* mid thanksgiving dinner without asking the recovered addict if they're good with that first. it is mortifying to have your issues brought up in front of others.

[@cati896]

The recovering addict is def not the asshole. I have many addicts in my family and while it does effect the immediate family pretty heavily, at the end of the day its his recovery

[@Wraiven22]

I found out my dad wasn’t my bio dad when I was 16. It was a huge secret that everyone but me knew, and my parents swore that whoever told me would be disowned. I figured it out because he always treated my little brother (who unlike me, was a HUGE trouble maker) like he was a perfect little angel and was SUPER hard on me. So yeah, it’s super awkward to find out there’s a giant lie in the family lmao.

[@goldensloth7]

that's disgusting of him. you're both his kids. what a garbage person.

[@L3onking]

I'm so sorry your Dad was so blatantly an ahole for punishing you for existing when it's not your fault that you were born.

[@Wraiven22]

@@L3onking thanks mate! Luckily we get along far better as adults and he’s apologized for being abusive to me as a kid, but it’s hard to ever really move on from that kinda stuff you know? Appreciate ya mate ❤️

[@elainelouve]

My relative only learned that his mom wasn't his biological mom when he was already retired. It was still a huge shock for him at that age. His biological mom died giving birth to him, and his dad soon married another woman. Supposedly the new wife was jealous of the deceased wife, so she didn't want her talked about.

[@plzleavemealone9660]

I would say that's more the curse of being the older one.

[@caddincaddin8552]

With the one about addiction, I can see where OP is coming from. Both of my parents and their parents struggled with addiction, and I have struggled with an addiction to self harm. It's humiliating when it's brought up so casually, I think Will definitely should have discussed it with OP before making such an announcement, even if he had harmless intentions. It just isn't something you want to be brought up at a large gathering, especially since we are reminded of our addictions every day

[@kenzie4217]

yea OP was def NTA. As a former addict, I think most people who aren't addicts just wont understand how degrading and embarrassing this kinda shit can be. I like annamarie but heres the thing, she admits shes never had an addiction, shes never even had a family member with one that she knows of. So she probably should not be talking about this, because she doesn't know what the fuck shes talking about there.

[@abccba4889]

Agreed. Not his story to tell or bring up.

[@Chellz801]

Yeah there’s a lot of shame in addiction that we feel so having it mentioned can be very hurtful. OP definitely has a right to be upset and I hope they talk and work things out

[@HuckleberryLover]

Definitely. It was thrust upon OP and they're the one that's supposed to have a private conversation but the family member was okay without having a private conversation first? Also the assumption that the family was supportive and therefore went through this journey with OP is just a suggestion. My family has only ever mocked me or talked down to me about my addiction. It would be completely out of pocket for them to act like my sobriety is their win.

[@HuckleberryLover]

​@@kenzie4217I generally like her videos, but I've noticed this several times where she talks about things she doesn't understand. Addiction isn't a light subject so why treat it lightly?

[@sammichbread]

"i just wanna see lesbians thrive, i never wanna see a bad thing happen to lesbians, and the fact that a bad, inconvenient thing is happening to lesbians is upsetting to me" - annamarie 2023 SO TRUE

[@kaibaiarrio1299]

My family has a history of addiction and self harm, and I am fully on op's side. Op didn't do anything wrong by leaving, I know that if it was me in this situation I would have left as well . When you are put on the spot like that for something like addiction (even if its recovery) it can be super triggering, and no matter how good the intentions and words are, it can feel humiliating! And that humiliating feeling can make you say/do things you regret. Technically nah, and op is absolutely nta

[@countessspiritclaws5465]

i agree! we don’t know exactly how it played out, but it sounds like op was just removing himself from a situation that was potentially triggering or just very upsetting, which is a proactive way to prevent the situation from escalating. sometimes, the mature thing to do is to take a step back and wait to discuss something until you’re in a clear state of mind again. maybe he thought that, if he stayed, he might’ve said some emotionally charged things to his brother that would’ve just hurt everyone involved. again, i don’t know all of the details, but as long op didn’t randomly storm out, then i don’t think that it’s asshole behavior to leave the gathering early.

[@dolphin_of_death9344]

at 12:50 I genuinely read "AITA for eating the children I babysit for?"

[@liamdude5722]

In that instance, I would say yes

[@vaporelz]

I think the brother is the asshole in the "leaving thankgiving early" story. I understand OP's reaction of leaving the situation when it was appropriate (not in the middle of the dinner and not making a scene), but can understand why their brother would be upset they left after they said something well intentioned that landed wrong. However, the brother texting that OP is a dick for leaving early tells me that he refuses to acknowledge how it could have felt for OP to be put up in front of everyone for something that embarrasses them at a time they don't want to discuss it. Without that text I'd say no one is the asshole, but that one text message changed my mind.

[@kaibaiarrio1299]

And also op mentions that his brother already knows he doesnt like it being mentioned

[@1eyed_songbird]

Exactly. Without the message I'd say the brother probably had good intentions. Maybe he was just genuinely thankful that OP was doing better and didn't think about how it could be embarrassing. But after being told how it hurt/embarrassed him his first reaction should have been regret or concern and not "you're just being a dick"

[@succubitch1054]

exactly

[@abccba4889]

Yeah he handled it in a mature way, in my opinion. He was upset and took moment to himself. The way the post was written makes it seem like OP’s brother texted that same night so it wasn’t as if OP ghosted everyone for weeks.

[@ThatWeirdo04]

I don't understand all the YTA verdicts on that one. OP handled the situation in a healthy, mature way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with removing yourself from a situation that is making you uncomfortable.

[@kylar-cat]

Heavy disagree with the outcome on the second to last one. OP is entitled to their own feelings on their recovery and should not be belittled for being uncomfortable. Its HIS recovery, not his brother's.

[@lizzysmith8513]

i agree and disagree with this as a recovering addict. i feel like at least in my experience everyone had at least a general understanding of what was going on with me even if i didn’t want them too so i don’t think he’s wrong for congratulating him

[@thecoolaxolotlnova8523]

​@@lizzysmith8513 i think the real asshole is the western societal portrayal of addiction as a personal failing instead of like any other disease or disorder. If it was for example cancer that OP had survived I dont think there would've been any issue with them being congratulated on surviving. But honestly the whole situation is kinda mundane, they just need to communicate their feelings and express everything in a more comfortable way next time.

[@addietrademark432]

Dear lord, that last story... Thanksgiving has ALWAYS been a potluck style dinner in my family. Each family member who could cook or bake brought sides, appetizers, and desserts, with the hosts being responsible for the turkey. The fact that a SINGLE person is expected to make a fucking buffet dinner dinner for the whole family plus their guests is insane.

[@thatchick1205]

I understand why he left thanksgiving early. That’s a private thing. And saying that he is happy he didn’t die, is kind of over blown. Just because you are on drugs, doesn’t mean you will die from them. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the part that made him mad. People don’t get drug abuse unless you really go through it/see someone who is SUPER close to you go through it. And that person who said everyone knows, that’s a load of crap. No one knew when I was going through addiction, they would of told you I was a hard working person, who stayed out of trouble. But that was so far from the truth. There’s a good chance a bunch of them didn’t know. I get. I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm, but could of gone differently

[@taylorslade961]

Coworkers kids: Imagine the audacity of expecting a coworker to take your 4 young kids to their partners family's Thanksgiving. The absolute entitlement.

[@NiceandAccurateMoose]

When I was a little kid, my parents hired a babysitter (only once, for this person) and they had pizza delivered for all of us to eat. That's basic rules. This babysitter who babysat me, however, ate most of the pizza herself and then emptied all the leftovers in the fridge and the chips. She was there a total of less than 3 hours. You're so right, the babysitter should be fed while they watch the kids, that's an unspoken rule. The parents were the assholes.

[@Ilovefluffykitties369]

Wow that’s horrendous!

[@nat-the-cat11]

I have a decent amount of experience with childcare, and if you have a sitter or nanny during meal hours usually it’s expected that you either feed them or give them a heads up so they can bring their own food. Some parents are super weird about food, so I always ask first, but that’s just me being cautious. If you just babysit casually, it’s personally reasonable to expect that you can have some food if you’re watching kids during dinner. I personally wouldn’t go back to work for that family again.

[@WholeWheatWhale]

A mom asks a basic stranger to watch her four young kids for a week for free? Wtf? I'm not even sure I would have been watching my 2 nephews for a week when then were young. It defo wouldn't have been for free.

[@dklee.01]

eh…i’m a recovering alcoholic who is also a year sober. i personally don’t think OP is the asshole. i understand wanting to commemorate someone’s achievement but for a lot of us that one year mark comes with a lot of mixed emotions. you’re basically celebrating a year of not k*lling yourself slowly. you’re wondering what you could have done with your life if you weren’t addicted to a substance, you’re wondering if you can even keep it up or if something is going to happen, and you’re constantly thinking about the worst things you ever done. it is extremely humiliating to have someone bring it up in front of people, especially family, who you might not actually trust with that information because they might bring it up in ways that trigger you. if you were self harming would you not feel humiliated if someone pointed to your arms and said “look !! no more scars” ?? i understand it wasn’t OP’s brother’s intent but it is still harmful. whether that’s how it was meant or not it’s not his place to discuss sensitive information like that in that setting. maybe one on one but not in front of everyone.

[@kikipocalypse]

As to the babysitter story, I'm a dog sitter. Mostly long-term but sometimes for some of my medically fragile dogs I'll do drop by care for meals and medication. The kitchen is always open, it's a given or at least it should be. I found that any house that has an issue with it is a nightmare in the long term. Run run run run run run run run and don't look back

[@goaheadquoteme]

Free snacks were one of the main benefits of babysitting for me. I've babysat a dozen kids and EVERY family told me to feel free to have whatever i wanted out of the fridge/cabinet and almost always either offered pizza money or stopped at a drive thru on the way home just for me. What a bunch of cheap asses

[@ilikeyoutube7224]

The first one makes me furious. My dad took in my older sibling. My sibling is my moms child from another relationship. My dads parents never gave him issues. I asked how they reacted and he said they instantly welcomed my sibling as their grandchild. The idea of disowning your child because they took in another child is INSANE

[@mehdigeek]

video starts at 4:15

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

The part that gets me about the "leaving thanksgiving early" one is that when his brother found out he was upset he responded by saying he was overreacting and being unreasonable. Before that I'd say it was just an innocent bit of human friction, but when you find out something you did accidentally hurt someone, you apologize, you say, "I'm sorry -- I didn't mean to hurt you." So maybe I'm projecting, but if we assume that interaction portrays something typical to their relationship then I think leaving was perfectly justified and perhaps the best thing he could've done. He's upset, but in an environment where he's not allowed to have his own feelings, where everyone else's feelings have to come first. Sometimes you have to step away from that to be allowed to feel your feelings and work through them.

[@SailorGenesis.]

14:01 I never in my life heard this… I babysit for multiple families and never in my life have I ever in-countered this. My mother also babysits and also has never heard of this

[@cidevant002]

The babysitter story is WILD to me because how do you even expect someone to just sit in the corner while the kids are eating? It's one thing if the babysitter has their own food for whatever reason, but if it's a fucking pizza and everyone can enjoy it, what is the issue? In my house, not only my nanny but also the housekeeper are expected to eat with us while I was growing up. That is just common courtesy! These people are already doing labor for you, give them food. Those parents are so selfish, like, it's not even that she ate more than the kids and the kids were left hungry. With a big pizza there's always going to be some leftover, so might as well share it.

[@Etherealzyo]

“AITA for cheating on my girlfriend with her grandma and then killing her?”

[@bikini_kill3r]

Not the a-hole

[@wyveren5359]

I need more information. Did you kill the grandma or your girlfriend? Also sorry for your loss, sounds rough

[@Imjustkendall]

YTA…cheating is just wrong

[@sealogic4552]

ESH

[@dopex89]

Seems like you are paying respect to your elders, NTA

[@goodgollymissmolly7624]

Bringing my nb partner to my family thanksgiving this year, and I think it’s actually gonna go well! Wish us luck!!

[@sageoctober4617]

Good luck!!

[@ra_spero]

Everything I've learned about Shane Dawson has been against my will...

[@Dragongurl33]

The last one hits HOME. I can’t cook worth anything but I spent YEARS watching my mom and dad spend the entirety of Thanksgiving week stressing, shopping, prepping, cooking, cleaning, and then cleanup after while everyone and their mother’s barber’s third cousin was coming over. My mom did have 5 kids, so she knows how to cook for an army, but some people were taking way more than was appropriate to take home (4-5 large plates/tupperwares? Really?) while my mom barely eats on the holiday until the very end of the night. As soon as the older kids of my family started getting their own houses and learning independence, it was decided they would start to host Thanksgiving. And there’s now a glimpse of everything my parents went through for YEARS taking care of all these now adults who have their own generation of small children. That OP is nowhere near the a-hole. Enjoy the beach to the fullest extent because that’s a well deserved break from that, including the separation? Can’t even imagine all they’re going through. Happy Thanksgiving y’all, appreciate everything and everyone who gives you the foundation of love, positivity, and growth around you ❤

[@jesusvice6664]

disagree with the thanksgiving one, that's so personal to bring up, it's understandable they don't want to talk to them and just want to leave, it must be so embarrasing for them

[@Man-wolf-]

The babysitter one sounds like the parents think a babysitter is a straight out slave jesus christ

[@bobsborger]

these people are definitely rich lol

[@llcdrdndgrbd]

Yeah when my mom had a babysitter come over for like 2 hours in the afternoon she baked like a cake and told her to get milk out of the fridge for herself too, and my sister and I were very well behaved, I was like 11 even

[@graveyardbaby669]

Leaving thanks giving OP was not the asshole. Family is openly drinking infront of a recovering addict. OP wanted to be their with their family and they still didn’t respect and realize their boundaries. Yes addiction also affects the family and people around you But NO ONE will ever know what it’s like personally for an addict unless you have been through it.

[@he.said.teenjiejer]

i can’t imagine choosing to have children and then calling childless people “lucky”. like, you made that choice. that isn’t fair to do. if i heard my mother as a young child telling people they were lucky for not having children, i would be devastated to this day.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Brent Rivera from Starbucks has finally gotten to you and that’s why you forgot the Letterboard of Truth.

[@bikini_kill3r]

Oh no

[@al3xisd3ad]

okay. Alcoholism runs in my family and I've struggled with an addiction myself, and one thing that's kind of like a silent rule is that it's not talked about unless the recovering addict wants to talk about it, and you NEVER tell someone without the addicts permission. I would be mortified if someone brought up my addiction at a family gathering, i would also leave as soon as I could, OP is absolutely not the asshole, the brother overstepped.

[@TomMinnow]

I'm a little skeptical of the first story, because the lawyer calling everyone to the office to explain the plot twist inheritance is straight out of a movie and not how it works in real life. Fun thought experiment though.

[@ifrit9425]

Honestly… NTA, the letter board of truth takes time, dedication and thought, not every girlboss could do it and you do it every video. Just one break can be afforded.

[@mnmnnm586]

That first one already has me heated... Like, I kinda understand refusing to share with the dad but the brother? He's already gonna go through a lot, he'll probably need some money for therapy. He doesn't deserve to be punished because his grandpa and (technically) his grandma rejected him, like, wtf??? Inheritance is more than money, it shows the care you'll provide after death, so thinking they deserve none because "he's only half my sibling and daddy lied" is sooooo cruel. What a bitch, seems like the holidays with grandma rubbed off the worst aspects of her... Totally the AH.

[@nixxdra]

I don’t understand refusing to share with the dad. He’s a good person, he married op’s mom knowing she was carrying another man’s kid and raised that kid as his own. The only thing he’s guilty of is not telling the kids his secret, but it’d understandably be a hard conversation to start. And op’s mom also never told them, but op doesn’t seem upset with her at all. Definitely a bitch.

[@Aster_Risk]

Seriously. It's not like her brother treated her badly. He's a victim in this scenario. I'd probably still give a little to the dad, but there'd be no question I'd split it as close to half as I could with the brother.

[@plzleavemealone9660]

Yeah. It seems more like her trying hard to make up an excuse for herself to why she isn't sharing the inheritance.

[@andrewbrooks7439]

I feel like the OP that struggled with addiction is being treated unfairly, all they did was leave a situation that was making them uncomfortable quietly, without causing a scene. The scene was caused by the brother not being able to handle the simple criticism of being told they embarrassed OP. It doesn’t matter the effect OP’s addiction had on the family, it’s in the past, they don’t get to keep dragging it up to make themselves feel good for being a “proud sibling” all they are doing is making OP relive their trauma. What a good way to get the sibling you’re so proud of to relapse. Imagine if the brother was in an abusive relationship and OP made a half drunk speech about how proud they are that they are still alive and their EX didn’t end them? Is it true? Yes. Is it appropriate at all? No.

[@tinfoiltreasurer]

As an addict, whose parents are both addicts and both brothers were addicts (one passed away from overdose),, it would be seriously humiliating to have that happen at a family gathering or any gathering and i cant imagine it being any different for any other addict i personally know, unless it was like, far far in the past and you got their permission. Otherwise, that is something you can pat the recovered person on the back for in private, not something to be spotlighted. No matter how well you mean, please, dont do that unprompted/without asking them first. This person is absolutely NOT the asshole at all for wanting to leave after the dinner was done. There is nothing wrong leaving a situation that makes you uncomfortable, and if the family wants to act like that ruined thanksgiving then how rocky was the family boat already? Smh have sympathy for addicts

[@-Lxvez-]

27:08, I (personally) think no one is the AH. As someone who has dealt with addiction w/ things like alcohol, bringing it up especially at a bunch of people can be very triggering and hurtful (all react in different ways), so the reaction to some degree was fair though talking it out would be good. The OP also mentioned that his brother knew that he didn’t like it so the brother could’ve very well crossed a boundary no matter the intention

[@pencilpauli9442]

How tight do you have to be to refuse your babysitter a couple of slices of pizza? Yeesh

[@syd755]

I don't get why people are so touchy about leaving events (even family holidays) early. As an introvert who gets easily overwhelmed I truly don't believe that you owe anyone your time if you're uncomfortable or upset. If you don't wanna be somewhere, you don't have to be there and it doesn't make you an asshole to prioritize your own needs. If he was embarrassed and wanted to leave after eating, that's his right and I don't know why the brother is trying to guilt him. Maybe it feels a little rude, but I feel like so often people will act like assholes and then guilt others as a way to shirk themselves of responsibility. And like sure it might have been more "mature" to directly address it with the brother in the moment, but that could also lead to escalation and sometimes space is needed.

[@Oobs212]

The co-worker one is so unhinged. Leaving your kids *for a week* with a work acquaintance *for a holiday* and that not being the absolute last ditch effort.. Edit: the assumption of the couple not having experienced "the joy of kids" annoyed the hell of me too. Like, this person doesn't know this couple's life or their struggles. I was reminded of a lesbian couple I knew that struggled for years with IVF and were absolutely heartbroken times and times again when it didn't take. To just assume a gay couple voluntarily doesn't want to have kids is such an asshole move

[@ChronicallyOnlineTeacher]

On the thanksgiving one, I really think he was not the ah. Addiction is a strong disease that runs in my family, and there is never really a light way to bring it up. I dont think the brother was trying to be a jerk, but bringing up that topic that is so hard in front of a lot of people can be insanely difficult and triggering. And from my experience, it can make people feel awful and guilty, which are two emotions that are prime to ruin a recovery. When it’s still so fresh, it’s not something you can throw around like that. I think the brother should have just said that to him in private. Its such a personal and hard struggle, and I know how much it also affects the family, trust me, but springing that on someone at a family dinner can be so harmful and I completely understand why he would have wanted to leave early. Its embarrassing and traumatic, no matter the intention

[@jaman_jy]

if my addiction was brought up during a family gathering i would not handle it as gracefully as OP did. people will recognize addictions is hard and impacts more than we might realize, but systematically empathize more/side with the closed ones rather than the person struggling with it directly. if only they gave more crap about the actual people at the center instead of redirecting their sympathy to everything else surrounding addicts, maybe things could evolve, but oh well! to be clear: i'm not saying loved ones don't get burned or that their pain doesn't matter.

[@frozenheart7133]

My sister once agreed to watch one of my coworkers child for a week in a similar situation. He was 4. The child had never met my sister, we didn't get his name from the mom. The mom leaves and we discover that very clearly the kid is non-verbal and has autism. He exclusively ate and drank orange things, but not all orange things. We got him to drink carnation instant breakfast within a day or two but I called a nurse to find out what the heck to do about feeding him. It was wild. When we talked to the mom who literally never once answered her phone, my sister asked why she didnt express his disabilities beforehand and she nearly got violent with my sister for sugguesting he was disabled. That child deserved so much more. unfortunately my sister wasnt allowed by the mom to watch him after that. I worked with her for another year, but never the same shift. It all makes me so sad.

[@millie..]

i was so scared the babysitter was gonna be voted as the AH by reddit😭

[@ollygaetheirnandez]

for the sobriety one, I can't speak on ever being addicted to hard drugs, but I'm over 2 years sober and I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with a speech like that being made at a family gathering. I'm also not so close to my extended family that they knew I was getting high everyday multiple times a day before I got sober and I think it's too big a generalization to say a person's addiction affects their whole family because that's not always the case

[@Jupiter-ng1yi]

For the coworker one, OP is totally in the right. I have 4 cousins under the age of 5 and they all came over for thanksgiving. They were hard to deal with with all 15 grown people including their parents, much less two or three people.

[@Aster_Risk]

My mom was addicted to prescription pills that she took due to nerve damage. She went to rehab and has been sober for around six years, I think. We're all grateful she's alive and I'm proud of her for getting help, but I would not bring it up to lots of people if I didn't know she was comfortable with that. Yes, it affected our whole family, but it'd be gross to keep bringing it up if she didn't want us to.

[@bumbley.umbley]

If the coworkers think op was cold for not watching the kids, they could have offered to watch the kids themselves.

[@cryptokinku6824]

As someone who actively babysat for a family all through high school, the parents would actively make sure that I had food too bc I would be watching them for HOURS!! Like, if someone is watching your kids through a meal time, why should they have to starve?

[@breajahcurley79]

As a nanny (agency/private) for 16 years it's weird for a family not to offer you food and snacks. It's also weird when you bring your own food and it's not something that their child usually eats so they bug you for it LOL I would get past the icky feeling that she's feeling and just not babysit for them anymore. The family that I currently date night sit for literally will text me and asked me if I've had dinner yet before I come. That feeling is so uncomfortable. Sorry that happened to them

[@fadeuhhway]

It makes me really happy to see there are more people on here who are understanding of us addicts than on reddit. I hope yall are doing okay, and never have to deal with some embarassing shit like OP had to. 1 year is way new. Any amount of time is a victory, but every day is still a battle, and we dont need a reminder like thar brothers comment in front of everyone, regardless if they know, had to deal with it or not. Its still us having to fight to not relapse, to make up for the hurt we caused and us that wind up being more easily guilted with our addiction and feelings. Not to mention addiction is usually linked with mental health, and things like eating disorders and SH are addictions too. Just because its not what you'd think doesn't mean its not slowly killing you, when you certainly deserve better. That being said, i hope everyone' had a good gobble gobble day, and that you remember to be good to yourself.

[@Jimmiwashere]

Nah, i have experience with those in recovery and quite frankly the brother f'd up, good intentions be damned. Like, if its a sore subject bringing it up, even in a celebratory way can be extremely triggering and the holidays are already a bad time of year for a lot of folks in recovery. Secondly, i doubt OP was embarrassed because they thought there were people that didnt know at the table, but likely because they did shitty things during active addiction, hurt people at the table and bam now everyone has been reminded of all of it right before dinner.

[@Honeybeerose88]

When I was a babysitter I was always told to help myself to food. Now as a mom if I get a babysitter that’s how I treat my babysitter. Help yourself to food, you can watch tv when they go to bed, get comfy on the couch, etc. I babysat for some kids regularly when I was younger and they would let me sleep on the couch if they were going to be out extremely late. One couple even let me use the hot tub, take a shower, do whatever I needed because they would come home at 4am.

[@phanatic215]

If I'm comfortable enough to let you watch my kids, you can enjoy some of the food. It's not like she was raiding the liquor cabinet. Also, if you're young enough to need a babysitter, you're not going to do major damage to a large pizza. I'm sure there was still pizza left over even after everyone had some.

[@decayingfairy3996]

1) I feel like in the grand scheme it shouldn’t matter if her brother wasn’t his, but keeping that a secret is pretty wild and i understand why you’d be distrustful right now

[@whiimskers]

I have a partner who is in the process of recovering with alcohol addiction. And if someone announced at an extended family event pulled that move, I would completely feel for my partner. There is a time and a place to discuss the trials of addiction. A holiday dinner really isn’t the place to bring up a sensitive topic like that.

[@katyyyie]

We love a consistent queen 👑

[@zozoflagnard1]

the “leaving thanksgiving early” story where OP had a past of addiction, while i appreciate annamarie’s take, i don’t think OP overreacted or did anything wrong. as someone who has struggled w sobriety and trauma, and have many friends and family who have as well…. being a year sober is a huge accomplishment. but the wounds and feelings are still present, and can be difficult to handle when faced with an unexpectedly embarrassing or anxiety inducing moment. i don’t think the tipsy brother doing the toast had bad intentions but also shouldn’t take it personally that OP felt upset enough to leave after the meal. anywho thanks for the turkey day cheer 😊🦃🩷💛🩵✨

[@ihavehypothyroidism]

as someone who is currently an addict that is so disrespectful to bring it up at a FAMILY DINNER in front of extended family. yeah it’s a ‘nice gesture’ but that is so humiliating and it’s not about how grateful his brother is, it’s about the recovering addict. if someone did that to me i wouldn’t even consider staying in a place that clearly isn’t safe. it’s not about the brother or the family sorry! if you want to say something do it privately, it means more anyways.

[@sunnyandthechlo]

Bringing uninvited friends and friends' KIDS to Thanksgiving at someone ELSE's house is so rude. Even though we knew she would say yes every time, we grandkids would always ask our grandma permission to bring serious bfs/gfs to dinner.

[@notyourdaughter666]

i’m also a recovering addict. i’ve had several addictions throughout my life- SH, eating, and nicotine. my extended family knows none of this, and they never will. if one of my closer family members told everyone that i had any of those addictions, regardless of if i’m recovering or not, i would never hear the end of it and it genuinely might ruin my reputation with certain other family members. i quit smoking on christmas last year. i’m really glad i did and im very lucky to have family who supported me through it, and i know they’re glad for my recovery, but they wouldn’t expose me like that. things like that should be kept between the addict and their support system. if you’re glad that an addict you know is recovering, tell them privately. it’ll make them a lot happier cause it feels more sincere and there’s a lot of embarrassment that comes with addiction and recovery.

[@colbyreader]

I feel very strongly about child safety and frankly I would never hand my child over to someone who doesn’t want that because that’s just asking for negligent behavior. I would also not let someone I didn’t know watch my kids unless they could be held fully accountable for anything that happened and they had good references! Protect your babies please

[@RamonaGelosi]

THE TRANSITION TO THE SPONSOR STOP YOU ARE A GENIUS

[@maggiee639]

Um it’s an unwritten rule that babysitters have free reign over the fridge. You should have to tell them if there’s something they CANT eat!

[@ryzack1012]

the thanksgiving story: my brother in law died from an OD a year ago. I'm sure my wife would just be happy he was there and not bring any attention to it.

[@AndClicker]

Kinda surprised the whole family was drinking with their loved one who is a recovering addict, hope that’s within OP’s comfort & boundaries as well

[@succubitch1054]

right?!

[@plzleavemealone9660]

As long as they don't ask them to drink together they can drink and eat whatever they want.

[@elitevald2561]

for the coworker one, I wouldn't be upset if my BEST FRIEND said no to watching my four kids for a week during her vacation. that is WILD

[@noahe.2861]

What I find crazy about the last post is that OP truly tries to accommodate EVERYONE. Like she’s not only cooking but making sure every single one’s needs are met, thinking of the college students and all that. Like for one the huge amount of food but also the effort ! :(( this really made me sad. I hope she has people in her life who appreciate her more

[@KCsFunHouse]

In the US something to eat if you’re serving a meal while babysitting is customary. Every family I ever say for always said help yourself to whatever, snacks are over there, soda is there and the pantry is stocked kind of vibe.

[@BarbarianGod]

I don't really like the term "real dad" to refer to biological father