How To Ruin Your Child’s Birthday (r/AmITheA**hole)

[@AnnamarieForcino]

FREE TOYS OR GIFT CARDS FOR TOYS! Everyone who signs up to my giveaway with Bellesa wins something! www.bboutique.co/vibe/annamarieforcino-yt

[@OvercastOliver]

i thought you meant nintendo switches and legos :( i want legos :(

[@Weird-to-the-core]

My mom has intense trypophobia, found this out by accident by showing her a diamond painting stencil ruler thing I bought, thing riddled with tiny holes. She jerked her body away and cried out. And I think when she said it was full of holes, it was most likely mesh socks, like fishnet but not? I don't know how to describe them. Thus her bunching up the socks and giving them to her dog to not see the holes. It's like telling a partner you have arachnophobia and they get you hyper realistic spider print socks. A phobia is a phobia. Not the asshole.

[@jaheriawilson19]

happy belated birthday 💕💕

[@carters119]

❤ 6:17 🎉

[@6Shots_ofEspresso]

2:16 i think she mentioned the salary so that no one would call her a gold digger for wanting presents for her birthday, redditors are weird about women like that sometimes

[@yamaedgington8264]

Yeah I totally agree, I see at lot of post with similar topics and they say “oh well you’re being a gold digger etc.” and it just seems a little misogynistic

[@chaoticoverdrive27]

I wouldn’t have thought of that. You make a good point.

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

Reddit def has a misogyny problem.

[@yamaedgington8264]

@@lordfreerealestate8302 yeah, I said the most common take like ever and got downvoted because I wasn’t a guy like…😒

[@maleahlock]

That was my immediate thought.

[@localopa]

my problem with the first story is, while yeah she should’ve communicate properly to her husband, her husband is a grown adult who’s also 40 and could ask himself what she wanted. she dropped the ball on communication, yes, but he didn’t ask her what she would want to eat? he didn’t ask if there was anything specific she would like to do? congrats, he got her a cake and got her gifts from a list she gave him. but that’s all she got. for his 30th, he gets a trip to paris and for her 40th, she gets a normal saturday. she’s justified in being upset that the energy is not being matched by her husband. yeah, she should’ve communicated, but the husband isn’t completely innocent here either editing to add that i went to the original post and oh my god. the husband puts more effort into the birthdays of HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY than HIS OWN WIFE. she suggested ideas to him and he still did the absolute bare minimum. she didn’t want anything big. she just wanted something out of the ordinary. the husband does not give a single fuck about his wife if he can even be bothered to encourage their kid to make her a birthday card or make her feel special at all.

[@chelseamodl8628]

100%. They're both the AH. She shouldn't need to manage a grown man. He should have been able to at least think about how she shouldn't need to do chores, what kind of cake she likes, etc. But, she also needs to be more forthright and make her expectations clear. It just sounds like a bit of an unhealthy dynamic between them in general, which could be fixed by communicating and trying to match effort.

[@rosiejl2798]

Yup he is the asshole as she literally had to spoon feed him anything she wanted e.g a list of presents. She could have been more direct e.g saying she wanted a birthday weekend but it seems like he needs her to do all the organising for him/ do all the mental load. Like he even forgot she has a food intolerance. He did the bare minimum.

[@SwirlytheSnail]

This. He needed to at least try to match her energy or at least asked her if she wanted him to match that level of extravagance. She gave him a list of presents she wanted with links and he complained that it was difficult to find her gifts? Please.

[@Redneckonomics]

Yeah it's like she has to do the work to plan her own party when after 15 years of marriage he should know her? It sounds like she wanted to feel appreciated but instead she felt like the people around her didn't know or care what she wanted. I'd expect this kind of misunderstanding maybe at the beginning of the relationship but 15 years in? Hard to tell who the a hole is in this but I don't think it's all on her.

[@RubyandSassy]

This 100% this. I was so shocked by how harsh Annamarie was. Like most men do get offended by this stuff and I’m appalled that he said “how difficult it was to hunt down presents and arrange a cake” and Annamarie agreed with that when she literally wrote him a list WIIITH LINKS and he got her a cake which would aggregate her ibs (which she framed like it was the wife’s fault for not communicating but I’m SURE she has mentioned it a multitude of times and he “didn’t think about it” as that’s usually how that goes. Idk seems like husband is the a hole and doesn’t listen to his wife’s interest or health issues and can barely do the bare minimum. Especially with the context of the 30th birthday

[@BookGal-wx5ww]

20:40 she said she wanted something nicer or more well thought out. Its not just about the money its about the fact that he got her a gift that caused her phobia to react and then got mad at her for it. He didn't even get socks she would like.

[@Mazygolucky]

I agree I think I would’ve given her a NTA tbh

[@edendoesntbite]

i knowww 😭 i’m gonna be honest, i dont think i would’ve shown i was upset but i also would’ve been devastated…. id js feel disrespected

[@appleschloss]

I def was an ESH, the YTA comin from like her overall tone on reddit regarding it. But I full agree. SOCKS??? That's like, almost an insult unless asked for LOL

[@calicoCatkind]

i mean, if your boyfriend is giving other people jewellery in the few months you know him, regardless of his relationship to the people, you're gonna expect jewellery or something else nice on your dang birthday !!

[@AmazingRoni]

i agreed w annamarie w the ESH. mostly because of the OP's attitude about it but definitely the boyfriend is more the AH. like why the hell would you give a gift that could even possibly trigger someone if you *know* they have a phobia yknow?

[@zamith1817]

I'm with the sock girlfriend. I was dating my partner for only a month and I gave him a painting that took me 8 hours to finish. Now 9 years later it hangs in our living room. Just because you've only been dating for a while doesn't mean you need to be lazy with your gifts. If you like the person you put in the effort. If I were her I would instantly break up with him.

[@vanish9492]

yeah effort is super important

[@oliviaday8435]

And then him getting mad at her for not using them? Even though they’re not something she would use and freaks her out. At least she did put them to use.

[@chayden153]

The second one felt super gross, like Ms ma'am she is 6, let the kid have cake

[@BigBoiiLeem]

On top of that, the fact that her "healthier choice" is a low-fat ice cream that has to be absolutely loaded with sugar. So not only is she probably contributing to future disordered eating, she also doesn't know what "healthy" actually means.

[@SaintShion]

Hyper fixating on a child’s diet is such a slippery slope. My mom grew up vegan; my grandma wouldn’t allow sugar and would lock the fridges n’ cupboards. But ig grandmas m3th addlction was oki doki 😂

[@datboilou]

my first thought was "let the kid have cake" and my second thought was "make a healthy cake???" if you're that concerned, use whole grains or gluten free flour, stevia and/or agave or maple, natural butter substitute, etc. when my mom was going through the worst of her health ED I made a cake with agave that was super healthy and that shit slapped ngl

[@lazyperfectionist3978]

It's not like there wasn't any "healthy" kinds of cake that the kid could have eaten either, like homemade stuff with fresh fruits, nuts, and even veggies depending on what the kid likes, even substitute the sugar for stuff like honey from local beekeepers if you want icing (eg. whip the honey into creamed honey use it as a powdered sugar substitute for buttercream) is way healthier than some storebought cakes with food colorants and preservatives even then, events like birthdays are when you're supposed to "cheat" and make unhealthy choices, that's what treats are for

[@supertoezen]

FR! like kids are allowed to be chubby, they can literally grow out of it so fast. Her eating well will allow her body to have enough energy for stuff like growing. And I hate hate hate the ''bad food good food'' view, because sweet things literally arent bad. Its about moderation in the end. You could literally loose weight eating mcdonalds only if you wanted to. Sugar is not the enemy i dont get how many people view it as such

[@gays4wumbology396]

With first op I feel like the husband dropped the ball. She didn’t specify wanting a particular event for her birthday, yet he was trying to “guess” and came up with…. presents she already picked out and a cake??? Very average, but to let her do chores and then also run errands later? Idk that’s my personal bottom tier of at least not having the bday person work on their day

[@AnnamarieForcino]

Overall, I still think the first couple has communication issues. But in retrospect, especially after reading other comments, I agree I went way too hard on her in the moment and he could’ve put in more effort!

[@ihategmailpasswords]

@@AnnamarieForcino *SHOULD've put in more effort. yeah communication matters, but i would think that a forty-year-old (with 15 years of knowing his partner) could accomplish more than giving her a cake she can't eat and running errands on a day she's repeatedly expressed is significant... especially if his last milestone birthday included a paris vacation lol... idk why first op was your opp from the rip bc she gave him a roadmap and still got less than the bare minimum😭😭 p.s. having to do the emotional labor of entirely planning your own birthday every year is exhausting, and it sort of undermines the "thoughtfulness" of gifts or gestures when you're the one thinking of them. i don't think it's unfair to want your partner to reciprocate that level of care one single time over the course of a decade lol. p.p.s totally agree with your feelings on the name "dirk" for the next story though lmao

[@Kit-Kat16]

Especially since he made her a cake that would've made her sick. He's a full ass man, that's so sad. 💀

[@HobieInTheBox]

​@@AnnamarieForcinoI would recommend rereading the story for the commentary and reading it for yourself the first time around. This happens a lot with reddit channels where they start victim blaming the OP out of nowhere and the comments gotta be like "yo chill, what??"

[@clsisman]

Yeah, I agree. I told my boyfriend when we first started dating that he can let valentine's day and our anniversary pass unmarked but I want him to make a big deal of my birthday and Christmas. He makes at least one (for my birthday) hand-made gift a year. Some so far are: a ukulele (on which he also learned to play a song) a Catan board (my fav board game), and a pair of earrings. He always remembers to give me a special card to open first thing on both days because he knows I miss my late mother doing it. He shows me he's put thought and effort in, is my point. When the op of the first one said she wanted something special for her 40th it sounds like she just wanted her husband to think about her.

[@torianaknight4402]

If I told someone about my phobia, then they got me something that triggered that phobia and when I spoke up they said “well you’re not entitled to something nice.” I would literally never acknowledge their existence again🤣💀

[@bluehairedvixen]

I’m with the first op. It’s insane after all those years together and the fuss she did for him he needs to be told exactly what to do. Like that’s idiotic. He sounds lazy.

[@Nettedtangible]

agreed! the whole "people aren't mind readers, you need to say what you want" is just an excuse people (mostly men) use to make their partners do all the emotional labour in the relationship. It's her birthday. She shouldn't have to plan it out herself or tell him everything she wants because what she actually wants is thought care and effort. Which has to come from the husband/family, not from her handing them a script and telling them what to do. She wasn't even that dramatic about it, just said she felt sad and disappointed. I would be too! man didn't even take care of the weekend chores. It's not about mind-reading, going above and beyond or being childish for caring about your birthday. It's about the gut-wrenching realisation that the people in your life are not showing up for you in the way you are showing up for them. Grown men do not need to be taught how to love. She's NTA

[@thvsvalentine]

also, she mentions that for his 30th bday she planned a trip to paris?? so I doubt that the husband genuinely had no clue. she said that usually birthdays aren't a big deal but it seems like decades (20,30,40) do imply a bigger celebration, at least in their relatioship/inner circle. I also do believe she was a bit frustrated with everyone but focused her anger more on the husband. Poor woman didn't even get a bday card from her son 😭

[@jaychulo4005]

exactly what i was thinking! that being said both can be true. some people just don't see things the same way and its better to be honest and communicative with them. on the other hand, if he knows she likes going extravagant with birthdays, why not just ask? apparently he was guessing the whole day but cant just recommend/offer anything? it seems like both of them have communication problems tbh, kind of crazy theyve lasted for that long and neither seem to understand the other on such a basic level.

[@aubrey44444]

Sounds like classic below average dude to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@mmmmmmmmaria]

exactly this. i’m so surprised at annamarie’s reaction i’m clicking out of the vid tbh like i’m too annoyed with her for taking this bum husband’s side.

[@iarinaarmaselu5104]

Girl, the wife from the first story absolutely is not the asshole. People are allowed to feel disappointed and as far as we know, she didn’t snap, she didn’t whine, she just voiced her frustration. Also, the cake thing is infuriating as well. IBS is not like an allergy, it won’t kill you, but after being together with someone for so long you should know what they enjoy eating and what they don’t. He doesn’t deserve praise for this at all. It’s hurtful to get someone something that speaks volumes to how little you know them, especially when they’re your spouse.

[@roselover411]

I have IBS and honestly I would be annoyed if my partner of 15 years got me a cake with dairy because it makes my life miserable if I eat it. When you live with someone who has a digestive issue, you KNOW the main triggers quite well by then because we bitch about it all the time. My partner would never buy a cake with dairy in it because he knows that it's one of my worst triggers. I don't know how her husband would have missed such an obvious case. I'd be upset too.

[@_sarah.honey-]

THANK YOU

[@aaphroditestears]

Very true! I’ve been with my current bf for 3 months and ever since I told him about my ibs and lactose intolerance, he always makes sure he buys me food that’s friendly to my tummy. I’ve never once had problems with him giving me something I can’t have (except for one time but that was because I begged him to get it for me even if it makes my tummy hurt 😭). And on top of that he has an awful memory yet still manages to remember my tummy issues, because when you really care about someone these things are just second nature

[@439801RS]

​@aaphroditestears kinda off topic, but I can't stand adult referring to their stomach as tummy. Are you the 6 yo from the second story?

[@aaphroditestears]

@@439801RS it’s just a word… I feel like the more immature thing is choosing to be upset over what words someone else uses. But anyways, I’ve just called it that my whole life and my vocabulary isn’t gonna magically shift because I’m older. I’m also a babysitter and have been one for like 2 years now so it’s just habit at this point since I do coincidentally spend most of my time around 6 year olds. Weirdo Edit: also I’m 17 so I’m not really an adult yet idk 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@kathryngilbride80085]

OKAY BUT THE FIRST GIRL SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO TELL HER HUSBAND THAT CREAM AGGRAVATES HER IBS HOLY SHIT

[@hannahs_jewelry1]

damn right holy shit hehehehe

[@katherinepadron0628]

Yeah, you'd think after 15+ yrs he'd know. You telling me he NEVER notice that maybe she had an attack that would've made him check and see if she was OK.

[@fadeuhhway]

​​@@hannahs_jewelry1 badum-tiss **plays rim shot**

[@Charlie-m6r5v]

If she didn't he wouldn't know.

[@zk6019]

@@Charlie-m6r5v after 15 years of marriage?? that's the point commenter was trying to make.

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

You can kinda tell how much a person values you by how they treat you on your birthday (and other occasions and milestones). I've heard a lot of stories of toxic families who ruin birthdays, or ab*sive spouses. If they treat you like an afterthought, or even outright abuse you, instead of honoring and celebrating you they suck. Period. A lot of people grow up with memories of bad childhood birthdays.

[@horse14t]

My dad hates his birthday for various reasons. One of them is that his first girlfriend broke up with him on his birthday because she thought "he would be so busy celebrating that it would hurt less"💀

[@nofymofylol]

The girlfriend story: it's not about the price, it's about the thoughtlessness. Unless the person has a thing for socks (which some of us do!), it's understandably an underwhelming gift after five months of dating. Not to mention it's a literal trigger to her actual phobia?? This guy hasn't listened to a word she said in five months and it shows.

[@TheAPTGamer]

If it wasn't about the price then why mention the jewellery that the fella had gotten his relatives?

[@Crispy26]

@@TheAPTGamerI think that was to highlight that more thought went into those. You have to think about what the person will or won’t wear. She even said she take a potted plant… you can get those at Trader Joe’s. 😂

[@yoursicksecret]

​@@TheAPTGamer she also mentioned that she likes flowers, which aren't as expensive as jewelry. But for some reason you're ignoring that. Why? Because it doesn't fit your gold digger narrative that makes you feel like you're justified to hate women. Hope that helps 😘

[@SchlattIRL]

Okay but if you know someone has given their exes well thought gifts who he's dated for less time and your gift was socks that trigger you, like. How is she the asshole for not wanting them. She was just upset that he honestly, mask off, sounds like he dislikes her/likes her much less than other exes. Honestly if she has told him about the trypophobia, then it's a break-up situation. That's not just unthoughtful, that's straight up malicious.

[@evilpercy08]

Yeah I feel like Annamarie Forcino kinda had some mid takes this video :/

[@Zarai_Numbers]

​@@evilpercy08 I agree. I feel like she was being a tad harsh to some of the folks. Op was definitely NTA

[@evilpercy08]

@@Zarai_Numbers The way she was so harsh on the wife from story one and girlfriend from story two for simply expecting more is so weird to me. She implies the girlfriend is entitled for not liking the socks like HOW?? 😭 it’s so clear the men in both stories put very little effort into their relationships I’m not sure why she blamed the women.

[@-Craig_Tucker-]

@@evilpercy08 i also agree with this, if it wasn't about phobia and like, she straight up just didn't like the socks that would be pretty valid too i feel like. i'd be annoyed if i only got socks for a birthday, i'd expect at least like a skirt or some sort of decoration that is 50% off at rite aid like damn dude, but he gave her some socks that could be equivalent to giving someone with a phobia of spiders a spider themed birthday

[@bugkween]

I think people who don’t have trypophobia (the boyfriend) may not realize polka dots trigger it, so she should have explained that when she got the socks. Also oh my god giving it to your dog to destroy is straight up childish, she could have donated them. They should break up but not because he didn’t know the exact triggers for her trypophobia without her communicating that.

[@ycsdramaqueen]

11:56 Here's the thing about this: there is nothing wrong with talking to your child about making "healthy" choices, but that falls apart when you don't give them a choice. If the choice is "I can pick the apple and have my step-mom heap praise onto me for doing a good thing, or I can pick the muffin and have my step-mom silently judge me/express disappointment", kids are of course going to go with option one. They trust their caregivers, it feels good to get praise versus scolding, they want to do the "right" thing, even when the right thing in this instance is not a moral decision. Also, it's her birthday. She can eat what she wants without derision. It's a treat for a reason - you only get it every so often. Food is food, and you are just as right for eating an apple as you are for eating a muffin. As long as you are getting the nutrients you need, your body feels good, and your healthcare professional says you're good, then hey guess what? You're good!

[@beesRsuperior]

100% agree! At the very first part of that post I was thinking: "Well, teaching your child to know how to choose a healthier option isn't a bad thing. Heck, I wish I had that when I was younger!", but that quickly faded when the step-mom was subtly manipulating the kid into *only* picking the healthy option even though it would be perfectly okay to have that sweet treat here and there. It's such a fine line to tread; too much influence on a child's diet can lead to eating disorders, and too little influence on a child's diet can *also* lead to EDs. Very hard to balance, and the OP in that story ended up not trying to balance it at all, despite her implying "but [step-daughter] had the choice!".

[@heyyylola]

i feel similarly conflicted about the first story! 20 lbs overweight is a lot at 6 years old. like a lot. it’s bad for her joints and development. learning healthy eating habits at a young age is very important but OP is going wayyyy too far

[@Kitschstitchandchaos]

Is a present and a cake (that she can't even eat) not the literal bare minimum? No round of applause from me personally

[@Kitschstitchandchaos]

Also wait, has he not cooked for her in the 15 years? Bc that's what I'm getting from him not even knowing about dietary requirements

[@ajlorentz]

I have a sincere question, why would you give an incomplete list of what you want for your birthday? I genuinely don’t know why she didn’t ask for dinner/breakfast in bed in addition to the Amazon list. I’ve read so many comment chains and frankly everything boils down to mind reading. If they’ve been together 15 years and have never really done big birthday things, I would think it’ll be fine to be more explicit instead of “dropping hints”? I genuinely want to know because I’m in the minority in this comment section and I would also have done what OPs husband did. Also to be clear I don’t think she’s the AH for being disappointed, I think she is not communicating

[@ClownHoundII]

​@@ajlorentz So if someone gave you a list of what they want as a hint for what they want for their birthday you'd buy them socks they can't wear instead? Feels less like "I'm not a mind reader" and more like no one wants to buy what she actually wants nor cares what she wants, just getting the easiest gift.

[@ajlorentz]

@@ClownHoundII no not the socks. The first OP. The 40th birthday where they bought stuff from the Amazon wishlist

[@aneleh6]

@@ajlorentzBecause the dinner/day isn’t the gift but the celebration of your partner on their birthday. You show the love you have for someone by putting in effort and planning the day to make them feel special. It’s horrendous to expect A LIST for that.

[@Zarai_Numbers]

Why are we excusing men's lack of care and thought? No one should have to write their husband a full list of what they want for their birthday. He clearly doesn't need to do that with her And I don't care what anyone says socks are an ATROCIOUS gift unless you know the person will appreciate them. Socks and ties are literally known as the worst gifts to give someone. Not only did he get her socks, he got her socks that triggered a phobia he knew she had!

[@J_Lynn]

Yeah, the OP with the socks was definitely not in the wrong. The only time I've given socks as a gift it was a joke present I got for my partner after I went on a day trip to an island. SOCKS are not an acceptable standalone gift for your partner's birthday. They are literally the item that is used to indicate a crappy holiday in movies and stuff. This should be common knowledge. Hate that people still coddle men for putting zero effort into stuff.

[@moonface710]

@@J_Lynnthe only time i’ve gotten socks for a partner was in combo w other presents and they were funny socks (they said “honey buns” on them and we both got a pair)

[@callalillly5460]

I've gotten socks for my birthday from friends, but they're also friends who know I've been wearing the same socks since middle school and they're always fun and related to things I like. If someone bought me a pack of plain white socks, or things unrelated to my interests, I'd be disappointed lol.

[@angelalovell5669]

I fucking adore getting socks, especially if they're good quality and/or have a fun design, but that is a personal trait of mine that I know is shared by relatively few people. Even I can see that socks are a crappy gift for someone you care about if they don't specifically really like socks. The bar for men in het relationships has long since been melted down for pitchforks in Hades.

[@madalice5134]

I love getting socks as gifts, but that's because the people who get me socks know me and know what I like, so the socks I get are usually really soft, comfy and themed after the fandoms that I love. If someone gave me, a known arachnophobe, socks with spiders on them, I'd be hurt that they purposely picked something that reminds me of one of my worst phobias.

[@maddy8328]

...the first wife just wanted something. Something other then a cake, presents, and dealing with her kid all day. She goes all out for her husband and he did the bare minimum in comparison to her celebrations.

[@louisriesberg1920]

I think they both end up giving their partner what they would prefer for their own birthday.

[@-Craig_Tucker-]

@@louisriesberg1920 funny thing about that is she was complaining about how she didn't like that though-

[@boilingwriter]

Holy shit, the second story is wild. Gives me major “putting my toddler on a diet because i think baby fat is inherently bad” vibes 😬😬

[@themononymousira]

hey! that’s my mom’s quotation 😭 (i’m okay now)

[@vee66]

There’s nothing wrong with wanting an overweight kid to eat healthier. I can tell which ones of you were overweight gosh

[@themononymousira]

@@vee66 sure, at the point where the kid’s health is being impacted and they have an poor diet… i was never overweight but nor was i skinny enough in my mother’s eyes since she was neck deep in died culture. not every person with a difficult relationship with weight has been obese!? wtf so you mean by “i can tell which of you were overweight”???

[@vee66]

@@themononymousira I meant exactly what I said, are you dense?

[@themononymousira]

@@vee66 girl as it seems you are the dense one here… get better soon ❤️‍🩹

[@littlefishiesinthese]

5:06 "this whole thing could have been solved with one conversation" is TOO optimistic. You can tell a man EXACTLY what you want and what your expectations are and he'll still fail to deliver (and then probably tell you it's your fault for being upset). It's a tale as old as time.

[@faceofvision]

That man doesn't know what his wife can't eat after 15 whole years, thinking anything will stick in his smooth brain after 1 conversation is crazy

[@katherinepadron0628]

@@littlefishiesinthese yeah, my mom writes a grocery list (with brand/flavors) for my stepdad but nope. She asked for chamomile tea, he got lavender chamomile; KRAFT Mac & Cheese, nope, generic. No matter what he'll get something she gave specific info for be cause it's exactly what she wants/needs for what she's making. Or generic tolet paper and paper towel, instead of the Charmin we prefer due to skin sensitivity.

[@ClownHoundII]

Same thing happened with my dad. I made a list of gifts I wanted and birthday dinner I wanted. I ended up with a flannel to replace a torn one, a random plushie with a giant hole in it, and birthday dinner got skipped. He then said it was my fault for not commumicating and I've made myself upset by being ungrateful.

[@HierophantParanormal]

Yeah, and what I heard was she gave him a list of things she wanted, including links to where to buy them. I'm not really sure how much more straight forward you can be.

[@mollyprysunka7741]

I was really not on with our girls take on this one. How are we blaming the wife for being disappointed her ibs wasn’t even considered when he got a birthday cake he was still going to enjoy. Why didn’t he ask her “what kind of cake do you want ? Any thing specific?”

[@becca5510]

I don’t think getting presents she literally linked in a list and a cake she couldn’t eat counts as ‘all that effort’. After 15 years she shouldn’t have to micromanage her whole birthday. I’ve been with my partner for six months and I wouldn’t be confused or have to guess things she would like, I listen enough in general to know. After 15 years, I would be *extremely* disappointed in this. I was very surprised at Annamarie’s take on this one!

[@Charlie-m6r5v]

They're both adults. She knows he's terrible in gift giving. She asked for what she wants.

[@CloverLane98]

Wellllll….in 15 years together when you know he tried., and you had 15 other birthdays you could have used to communicate about what makes you feel special, it doesn’t make sense. People have different needs and expectations and experiences and desires with birthdays. I’m still trying to figure it out with my partner but all we’ve had is 2years And both of us were able to communicate what we need. I need time alone on the day of to celebrate my own life, quality time with him and cake. I like parties and gifts but don’t care about what it is at all and want surprises. he wants alone time as well, doesn’t like parties and feels uncomfortable with doing anything big on the day, but loves concerts and mini trips/getaways. No traditional stuff, no surprises. Gifts based on his special interests/hobbies.

[@SugaMot]

I actually think the op who got socks is kinda in the right. Sure, ugly socks for your girlfriend is a objectively a bad birthday present. But we're ignoring the actually yitle of the post. She's asking if what she did with the docks made her an asshole. At that point, it was her present, she could do with them what she pleased, she coulda even tossed them and it would be valid. If her boyfriend isn't going to put thought into the gift, went should they both care about what happens to it afterwards

[@roselover411]

Yeah that was my thought. I'm like, but the question she *asked* was if she was TA for misusing the gift and honestly no. She wouldn't be able to wear them even if she wanted to since they triggered her phobia. At least she didn't throw them away. A dog toy for such a thoughtless gift is already more than I would have done tbh.

[@bugkween]

I mean she can do what she wants with her gifts but I don’t buy that she gave the socks to her dog as a chew toy just because she didn’t want them to go to waste or whatever, that just seems like it was petty revenge. She could have donated them or given them to a friend or something so they could actually be used.

[@happy-we4yb]

Tbh I have no idea where are people coming from with the entire thing, after listening to the entire post it didn't sound to me like she expected expensive gifts, more than that she mentioned how he didn't put much thought into her gift when for others he thought of what they like. She also specified that a flower and a pot would be enough for her since he knows she loves flowers, so I really don't know where the thing of expecting expensive stuff came from Since he knew about her phobia, she didn't specify if she told him polka dots trigger it but even if he didn't know at first I think it's an asshole move to get mad she didn't like something that triggered her phobia, he should've understood that and she had the full right to throw them away

[@happy-we4yb]

@@bugkween How is that petty revenge? /genq Pets love play with things like that, I think using them on her own instead of giving them away is better, even though it was an awful gift she decided to use it in some way, in a way that doesn't bother her with how they triggered her phobia Giving it to a person instead of an animal doesn't make much of a difference IMO, but at least it's HER pet that she's using it for, while I think giving them away to another person just more clearly rejects the gift completely?

[@kennabrienn4437]

I agree I think everyone harped too much on the fact they were socks. If he had gotten her socks that she liked in a Fandom she's apart of or a pattern she wears a lot it would be a thoughtful gift still. It's the fact that he doesn't know her AT ALL and doesn't seem to care enough to try. I don't think it was as much about the money as the thought behind it.

[@scalephoenix]

How was she tah for being upset that she didn't get a well thought out gift from somone who was supposed to care about her? She literally said it didn't have anything to do with money, she even said a simple flower would have been perfect!

[@Zarai_Numbers]

Apparently people think she isn't "entitled to something nice".

[@zoeyc5851]

And people forgetting he got her socks that triggered her trypophobia, like hello???

[@randk-h1p]

It’s using the gifts given to the other women in his family as an example for why he was in the wrong. She probably should’ve just led with the fact that he’s given ex’s greater gifts and never brought up his mom and grandma. Also saying you gave a gift someone gave you to your dog is just inherently an asshole thing to do, rather the boyfriend was in the wrong or not😭

[@wingdingdoes6687]

Buying somebody with trypophobia a dotty item of clothing is so evil lmao

[@buttercupghost]

I think you really dropped the ball with the first one. That story to me shows imo deeper issues; she's putting in all the labor. Like another commenter said, she didn't communicate but he also didn't ask. The whole "I put so much effort in" is a manipulation tactic, adjacent to weaponized incompetence. He didn't put effort in, period. She told him upfront what presents she wanted. No effort there. They watched TV together. No effort there. The only thing he put effort in was the cake, which is bare minimum for birthdays, AND he didn't even succeed there! The cake made her sick! For a minute I really thought you were doing a bit, because the whole thing reeks of misogyny from the husband imo. She flew him to paris for his birthday weekend and he made her do chores on hers! Yes, maybe she needs to communicate better, but the vast majority of the issue is undeniably him. She's putting in so much effort and he's not. It really seems to me that he is - possibly even intentionally! - taking advantage of her. Edit: The socks story, too... He got her the lamest gift ever (socks), and one that actively triggered her! I have typophobia and if someone who I told I had it got me that as a gift I WOULD INSTANTLY DUMP THEM. She is being merciful. She wanted a well thought out gift, she wanted to feel like he valued her. Spending money on someone is a sacrifice, and that CAN be an indicator that they value you- that they're willing to sacrifice something for you (a little bit of money). But she mentions throughout the post that she would have been fine with a relatively inexpensive gift as long as he put thought into it- which is a different way to show you value someone. But instead, he got her a gift that TRIGGERED HER TRYOPHOBIA. She is in no way the a hole here, and it concerns me that you're so quick to feed into the idea of her just valuing money when I don't think there's any real proof of that- and that it's a misogynistic stereotype that she "just want you for your money". (Not saying that's not true sometimes, but it usually isn't and the accusation is almost always directed at woman.) Also, this all isn't to say you need to spend a lot money to get a good gift. But usually, you put thought into inexpensive gifts, not get one that would actively trigger your partner.

[@Biggiecheeseness]

He’s the definition of weaponized incompetence

[@alexs.5871]

oh the husband in the first story is *definitely* doing the whole learned helplessness/weaponised incompetence bs and it's shitty that OP got ripped to shreds so much for just expecting her husband to like... give her birthday a single fucking thought? Sure, she might not have told him that she wanted him to throw her an extravagant party but if he had tried to rub his two braincells together he would have realised that maybe the least he could do is take over the chores?

[@iclynnx]

I agree with you 100%

[@madalice5134]

One of my favorite gifts that I ever got was from a coworker who's since become a friend. She was only at our store for a couple of weeks before my birthday came around and she lifted me a cute little keychain of my favorite character from one of my favorite anime. It was completely unexpected, as I'm usually pretty low-key about my bday, but one of my friends mentioned it to her and she asked what I might like. It wasn't expensive or extravagant, but it was thoughtful and she put effort into finding something that I would enjoy. A woman I knew for a couple of weeks put more effort into getting me a gift than OP'S BF of several months put into her gift. That makes me sad for her. She should find someone who puts effort into making her feel special and wants to see her smile. This dude got something that actively triggered her phobia. I say throw the whole man out.

[@KellerNeko]

AGREED I usually agree with a lot of what she says, but both of those stories she gave me the ICK Like... neither woman in either story are in the wrong?? and she's tryna villainize both OPs, when the partners are the ones TOTALLY in the wrong... really wondering what's up with that. She had some really weird takes. ALSO Its like she was purposefully ignoring the OP saying she didn't need an expensive gift and a potted flower would have made her happy. Like..???? DUDE Your expensive gift argument is bullshit, she literally has stated multiple times, she just wanted him to give a fuck, and he obviously didnt!?! Why are you defending him so hard and attacking her??!? Insane.

[@Armystaylyrics]

I get where you were going with the first story, but I think you really missed the mark. Her husband is a grown man who didn’t even know she couldn’t eat the cake he “worked hard to get.” She should have communicated better, but he also should have just behaved better as it was such a milestone of a Bd. Getting her presents she sent him a list of doesn’t require a lot of effort on his part so doing or planning something extra so she would feel special wouldn’t have added much to his plate.

[@snailcheeseyoutube]

I was thinking exactly this, sounds like weaponised incompetence, particularly when she does so much for his birthdays

[@markymarksthirdnipple8305]

Yeah the fact that she even sent links-like all he had to do was click buy now lol. Not exactly a rigorous task. And you shouldn’t have to ask not to do chores on your birthday. In my relationships it’s just an excuse to spoil each other for a day. It sounds like he doesn’t really like her tbh

[@rosiehippie]

Yes, I felt pretty neutral until she explained what she does for his birthdays. Not that he has to come up with as extravagant things but I feel like he could have done at least a little more to make it special for his wife. If my wife flew me out to Paris for a weekend trip for my birthday I would imagine I’d be inclined to at least take on the chores for her on her birthday.

[@Kit-Kat16]

​@@rosiehippieneh. If she's treating him like a king, he BETTER treat her like a Queen. She deserves tickets to wherever she wants when she's flying him to Paris. I'd be so mad at him, lol. And the cake? Smhh, he dropped the ball.

[@Noname-ds4lo]

Exactly and if I told someone exactly what I wanted on my birthday then that wouldn’t be a surprise anymore…I’ve always looked at my sister’s wishlist for her birthday but I’d plan an extra surprise for her like for example a little surprise party

[@justenoughforacoffee]

Yeah no, socks girl is nta. She was referencing the fact he gets well thought out (and consequently expensive) gifts for everyone else in his life. And she mentioned that he did that for exes he dated for a shorter time. Literally all she wanted was thought put into her gift. In no way is anyone tah for wanting thought put into their gifts and expecting their loved one to not get them a shitty gift.

[@Howlhaveheart]

There’s No way the fact that she had IBS hasn’t come up in 15 years. Plus it sounds like she does a lot of planning on the relationship and just wanted a day without having to make choices. Burn out is very taxing, and when she planned an entire Paris trip and he took her out to dinner and then they had to drive to het mom’s house? If that’s indicative of the entire relationship I could see why why was stressed out. Totally with OP given what context we have

[@kitticarus]

I'm so bothered by the first story because there was no guessing. Not only did he get a hand-held guide to the things that could have honestly just been bought by OP herself, but they've been together for so long, and he couldn't pay attention to a food sensitivity??? There was NO extra effort, and she had to do all the work herself to get anything for a milestone birthday?? She probably has to beg her husband to do literally anything, and he has NOTICE. Ugh, that gets me so hot. it's not hard to show people that you appreciate them, bare minimum.

[@Kit-Kat16]

If they were together for 15 years, you think he would've cared more. She's not the asshole, he made a cake that would trigger her ibs, and he's a full grown man. We shouldn't baby him.

[@letsichigo]

in regards to the first post, call me crazy but i don't think you should have to inform your partner that you don't want to run errands on your birthday LOL that seems like common sense to me

[@alyssayork8654]

Thank you, I felt like that wasn’t a ludicrous thing to expect at a minimum

[@mr.meatyispeak]

L take on the first story. After 15 years, wife shouldn't have had to give him a list of the exact items she wants. Husband had no idea what his wife would like or bothered to make it special. The level of thought is not reciprocated and it's obvious he could care less about her likes and interests

[@EdibleStars369]

With the first one I understand needing to speak up and ask for what you want. However also, after 15 years together, her partner couldnt think of any way to make her feel special or seen on her 40th, needed a list just to buy gifts and bought a cake that didnt suit her allergies... he put in no thought and needed a step by step to appreciate the person he is spending his life with. Sometimes having to speak up and ask for every single detail doesnt feel like the other person sees you or wants to make things special for you, sometimes the thought really does count

[@gubbypls]

I really like your comment. I pray to never end up in a loveless relationship like this 😞 She really deserves better

[@crashez35]

Nah 1 and 4 feel like weaponized incompetence. Idk how you dropped the ball so hard on these this time around

[@Biggiecheeseness]

Literally

[@Kayraeraeokay_official]

PREACH

[@cierrakain6844]

Uh oh Annemarie doesn't know about thoughtfulness. Having to tell my spouse exactly what to buy me for my birthday forever is so sad! Where is the effort? I bought a cake you can't eat and a gift you picked out yourself, happy birthday let's go watch big bang theory and go to bed. I always say if you don't make your spouse feel special, someone else will so don't be surprised.

[@RubyandSassy]

Exactly! Annamarie’s take really Suprised me because this is not as simple as miscommunication issue this guy sucks!

[@Biggiecheeseness]

@@RubyandSassyFr he’s the definition of weaponized incompetence

[@Bakesuta]

Not to mention the third. She specified that she TOLD her bf about her typophobia and that polka-dots triggered it. I'm ruling OP as NTA.

[@noturbuttercup]

Yeah I’m shocked she labeled the first story as the asshole. That husband sounds like he never pays attention to his wife. Like how does he not know what his wife likes or what her allergies are after 10 years? He definitely sucks

[@RedDeadReverie]

First one- Let’s not infantilize men. They know exactly what to do. This is weaponized incompetence and just him wanting to ruin her birthday out of spite.

[@samuelsingh9753]

Yes! I’m honestly surprised at how harsh she was on the wife and not the husband

[@Biggiecheeseness]

I unsubbed. Idk if I’m being petty but I ain’t gonna follow someone who’s 26 who still doesn’t weaponized incompetence (Anne)

[@lammellealoof7110]

@Biggiecheeseness realllll, tbh I came for the stories but Annmarie is really fucking obnoxious sometimes

[@samuelsingh9753]

@@Biggiecheeseness for someone who makes videos about weaponized incompetence she completely missed the mark

[@Biggiecheeseness]

Understand *

[@MissJasmine305]

First of all, who tf gets their significant other *socks* for their birthday? Maybe if op had been into novelty socks or something or if she had asked for them? But that's clearly not the case here. Also, her question was "AITA for misusing one of my birthday gifts?", and my answer would be- NTA. She didn't like the gift, there was clearly no thought put into it (again, who tf gets their girlfriend *SOCKS* as a birthday present???), and she said they triggered her trypophobia. If she wanted to use them as a dog toy then fine. They're now hers and she can do whatever she wants with them. If the boyfriend is so bent out of shape about it then maybe- *DON'T GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND SOCKS FOR HER BIRTHDAY!* They'd been dating for almost half a year. The dude needed to try at least a little harder. She mentioned flowers in one of her replies and I'm genuinely baffled why he didn't just get her a bouquet and a card? It's like the default gift for someone and borderline impossible to fuck up. Just... *why socks?????*

[@TheVillainousSoul]

I was so confused about that too. If a friend tells me they have a phobia I try to keep that in mind so they don't need to worry about triggers from me. And socks are a wild thing to give your S/O. Flowers would have made so much more sense as 1 she likes them 2 at least it won't make her feel like he doesn't care. She isn't entitled to something more expensive of course but she deserves something more thoughtful.

[@moonface710]

@@TheVillainousSoulEXACTLY!!! and if i DO get someone a gift that triggers them by accident, i profusely apologize and replace it, i don’t YELL AT THEM BECAUSE THEYRE PHOBIA IS TRIGGERED AND THEY DONT LIKE MY GIFT???

[@deerkota]

This!!! Like, I don’t think I’d ever even buy an _acquaintance_ socks as a present. At the very least, go with a “safe” gift option - for example, I had a secret Santa exchange at work and I pulled the new supervisor. I didn’t know anything about him, so I ended up making two bowl cozies (basically an insulated bowl holder that helps keep things hot or cold and protects your hands from the temp if you’re holding it while eating or whatever)

[@incantrix1337]

Imagine getting your girlfriend socks for her birthday. WTF.

[@Starsongzz]

2:45 I will defend the notion that gift giving is an art form, and it’s one I have mastered. I have had several people tell me I give really great gifts that show I pay attention to their interests, even if they never said they wanted that thing in particular. Or if they do, I’m really good at remembering stuff like that, and I’ll hold it in my mind for months if I need to. Then BOOM. I love seeing people’s faces light up when they get something they really enjoy. Plus I’m the type of person to make the packaging a theme that reminds me of them. Like I have a friend who loves pink, so I did a pink bunny theme because bunnies are her favorite animal. Plus I put all her favorite snacks and candies inside, and some items that were inside jokes between us. It’s like a game to me, idk.

[@mmmmmmmmaria]

this! i don’t want to have to give people defined lists complete with amazon links for every holiday. i mention things i want but wouldn’t buy for myself all the time and i think remembering things like that is a necessary part of caring about someone. i’m 100% on op’s side here and surprised annamarie went at her so hard.

[@Starsongzz]

@@mmmmmmmmariayeah tbh the husband sounds like my dad lol he’s great in a lot of ways, but he can be a baby when he doesn’t feel like his ‘plan’ was appreciated, even if he got things all wrong lol

[@sillyjaye5336]

It's also one of five love languages!

[@cloudyskyz2237]

*makes a video about weaponized incompetence* *doesn’t recognize weaponized incompetence in first post*

[@Biggiecheeseness]

This!

[@RedDeadReverie]

Basically 😬

[@Salmakia77]

Yup

[@YasminC1993]

Could not have said this better! 🎉

[@fadeuhhway]

Yes! I realized it too but couldn't remember the phrase, def agree

[@nightingale2211]

Depression made me care about my birthdays more than ever. Like, I’m still standing, why shouldn’t I celebrate? My friends and family know how much I care and they do their best to make me feel special for winning against depression year after year

[@moonface710]

right? like adult life kinda sucks sometimes, why not make one day a little more fun and enjoyable

[@somebvnny]

"would you like to make a healthier choice?" no. bye

[@theMyRadiowasTaken]

nah you dropped the ball on the first one 😭

[@Biggiecheeseness]

Fr. Girl Annemarie out her supporting weaponized incompetence

[@evilpercy08]

Lowkey the 4th one too 😭

[@alexs.5871]

and the socks one too. imagine gifting your partner a random pair of socks.

[@Mrhumbface]

Why because she said op needs to speak up because she definitely does

[@heatheroberg6313]

Totally. Op gave him everything and more to express what she wanted down to the literal list and where to get it. She took him on trips for bdays and he couldn’t be bothered to just make sure she at least didn’t have to do chores. He did less than bare minimum.

[@JeddieMPB]

i feel like you're going off on the first woman a bit too much. sure she could've been a bit better at communicating her wants for her birthday but it seems as though her husband puts zero thought into making her feel special and she shouldn't have to outright tell her partner what she wants to do for her birthday. if she does, then it is her planning her own birthday celebration after she already made a list of possible presents and sent him links. he's a grown man who should be able to make his wife feel appreciated on her birthday (and why would he not want to?). he made her a cake that she can't eat (you should know the dietary restrictions of your immediate family and accommodate for them especially on their birthdays) and got her a gift that he didn't even have to spend ten seconds thinking about prior to purchasing. he didn't even ask her mother if she wanted to come down to do a little celebration? she deserves so much better.

[@micol7490]

💯 agree with you. It's not always about comunication. It was her birthday. Why should she be the one spending the most time organizing it? And he didn't even do the everyday chores for her? He was a big a-hole...

[@elliel.5915]

Yeah, I'd personally go with ESH (everybody sucks here). I think that, given she doesn't really celebrate her birthday, it would be reasonable for her to explicitly tell him that she wants to do something more special for her 40th. I also don't super understand why it's wrong for her to have to plan her own birthday party, but maybe that's just me hating surprises, plus being used to everyone around me planning their own birthdays. All that said, she did so much for him on his birthday, and that effort should be reciprocated somewhat. Him getting her a cake she couldn't eat and needing his hand held throughout every tiny step of the gift-buying process is enough to aggravate me. Especially cause I see the inexplicable cluelessness and helplessness about gifts in the men of my own family, which means the responsibility of thinking about what everyone wants and going to buy it falls on me and my mom. And on top of that, he couldn't even do chores for her so she could rest? The wife could definitely stand to communicate her wants and needs better, but the husband also needs to prioritize her more and put in effort.

[@DeadBeeInPool]

I agree. Particularly with how much she does for his birthday. I feel like if they both had very low key birthdays it would be different, but him getting lavish birthdays and him not wanting to do the same for her is weird

[@Kayraeraeokay_official]

@@micol7490 and communication takes two like she can have said all the things right and provided all the info but if he isnt taking the time or effort to take that info and use it or ask follow up questions if he's confused that isnt on her. its 100% on him.

[@OverwhelmedMushroom]

The husband in the first story is giving WWIII level weaponised incompetence. Tbh I'm kinda shook by your take on the first post... I think she has a right to feel disappointed that he didn't do more. How much does she do for him that he takes for granted? Over 15 years? All of the surprises? All of the thoughtful gifts? All of the behind the scenes thinking and planning? If statistics and personal experience are anything to go by, I would not be surprised if - despite being the main breadwinner - she also does the lion's share of housework, child-rearing and household organisation. Yes, communication is exceedingly important. But it doesn't feel quite the same when you have to give step by step instructions to someone on how to make a birthday special. He's a 39 year old man - he should be capable of a little more than the bare minimum.

[@Biggiecheeseness]

Literally. I unsubbed.

[@kimlycheeee]

why is anna marie being so harsh on the girls in this video? both the first husband and the socks bf were being extremely unthoughtful (esp the first husband like your wife had to do house chores on her bday wtf?) and the girls had every right to feel disappointed. tbh i wouldn't give anyone socks on their bday unless asked, bc of their reputation as a bad gift. Giving socks and socks only to your gf is genuinely very hurtful. even the girl who wanted to switch dresses wasn't THAT bad imo.. sure she was being a brat but i feel like wanting to take cute pics at a nice restaurant for her birthday is very reasonable, and saying she lives for the internet bc of that is a bit too harsh

[@elaexplorer]

What? In what world is socks a thoughtful gift. Unless you live in the artic and their thermal socks, socks are not a gift you give to a dating partner. A married couple can give socks, as long as there's something else. Otherwise give socks to your grandchildren.

[@kimlycheeee]

@@elaexplorer that's exactly my point you fighting ghost here 😭

[@annie1284]

Yeah the misogyny is popping off on this one lmao

[@pur3chao56]

​@@elaexplorer the only time I was happy about getting socks for my birthday was when I got a pair of Kirby socks because he is my favorite character. Every other time I wasn't happy because they were socks. Agreed to never give socks to someone you are dating

[@Mrhumbface]

She goes off on men all the time, why is it weird when some women need to get a reality check

[@elleirenex3]

Our time on this earth IS limited. My husband died last year at 29 and my brother in May days before his 28th birthday. You bet I'm celebrating the hell out of my 30th and every birthday after that.

[@AnnamarieForcino]

I’m so sorry for your losses ❤️ I hope you go crazy for your 30th!

[@luizairinam2136]

Also, I keep seeing people comment about the jewelry in the socks post being unrealistic and expensive. Holy shit have you people not heard of silver or something? I always get people rings, bracelets and other stuff for under 10-20 dollars. I think jewelry is THE BEST birthday present because it is not consumable and it is lifelong. Getting your partner socks and only socks is crazy. Or anyone for that matter.

[@justenoughforacoffee]

She also literally says that a flower and pot wouldve been enough. Thats like, 5-10$ she wanted effort. Not money and i don't know why people are ignoring that

[@DarkLady1313]

Okay, for story one, I get that you think hinting is bullshit. But it doesn't sound like she was "hinting" anything. She gave him a list of shit she wanted and the links to them. She probably brought up his 30th and was like "I think I want a long weekend too". I don't think she was really hinting at all. I think she was saying shit she wanted without DEMANDING it because she's been taught not to ASK for anything. If she straight up said "I want to go out of the country with you for my birthday weekend" she knows it'll sound like a demand. So she "hints" things. She's been in this relationship for 15 YEARS with someone that basically does the bare minimum. I think the fact her mom didn't visit her for her BIRTHDAY or brought up that she's never had a BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER means she's not used to people even doing the MINIMUM for her. I think her husband has gotten to the point that she's baby trapped and therefore he doesn't have to care and do the minimum for her anymore. I am SO FUCKING DEPRESSED for the first story's OP.

[@gubbypls]

So true, she deserves so much better for the effort she puts in for him and I assume others.

[@XxMaddieCat]

24:01 She said he knows she loves flowers and hates small dots so yeah, he kinda sucks. Or he just doesn't like her. Either way they're not compatible.

[@eclipsesrose9623]

Omg a Louis McClung, FunkyFrogBait, and Annamarie Forcino video, all in one day? We are eating GOOD today

[@spookyboykaden]

also an episode of sad boyz came out today

[@chayden153]

And Bright Sun Films! (If you're a fan of abandoned and bankrupt retailers)

[@fomoire]

literally😭

[@kathryngilbride80085]

CALI POSTED????

[@zaraiigacha]

and gabi belle! (i think)

[@calicoathena]

i really dont think the first person was the ah tbh. i think its perfectly fine and normal to expect someone close to you to put genuine thought into special occasions. and of course youre going to feel even more bitter about it when you regularly put that thought into occasions for others and they don't return it. maybe im biased tho bc it reminds me strongly of when i was in my early teens and my dad did nothing for my bday except buy a cake for us to have after dinner. it was a completely pink cake which at the time everyone knew i hated. and he couldn't understand why that upset me and called me ungrateful for being sad about it. its the thought that counts, but in order for that phrase to make any sense, genuine thought has to be put into it.

[@MaxsFriends]

1st story, idk, I find it a little disappointing when I need to ask for specific gifts or like, ask NOT to get me a birthday cake that will make me sick. I think if you've known someone for 15 years, you would know enough about them to get them a good gift and a cake they can eat. Hell, if ive known someone for a week I'll have learned their allergies already and at least 2 things about them. My husband knows I like experiences over dinners for special occasions, he ought to know, after knowing me for 10 years, that I would much rather hike Zapata Falls than go to a restaurant. Kind of a ramble, but I see where shes coming from

[@_sarah.honey-]

I think she is super valid for being mad about the cake. Your partner should know what you can and can’t eat. I have her same problem and my friend bought me lactose free everything. I didn’t have to ask. She cares about me and cared enough to remember.

[@smassiha7881]

I’m sorry how are you married for 15 years and don’t know your wife has IBS. My partner of 6 years is lactose intolerant and I found that out on our second date. If I bought a dairy based cake for his birthday he’d wonder if I’ve had a head injury.

[@shaunathompson1576]

at the end of the day, 40 is a big birthday. the husband weaponized his incompetence. the op was totally valid in being disappointed.

[@miramullin8822]

From my experience, you really can’t discount how deep a five month relationship can be. My bf and I are 6 months in and love eachother very much and beyond that, have a deep friendship. We don’t just feel like we have to be thoughtful, we are thoughtful and considerate because we WANT to be. Though other couples may be at a different place at five months, I strongly believe that if you’ve made that commitment to someone, you should put effort into things for your partner, price doesn’t matter, it’s the thought, and I think that’s what OP is referring to.

[@Dudewhat358]

There is something called as effort and that man should put some in. Planning a nice experience doesn’t have to be bank breaking

[@J_Lynn]

The takes were not great this video hahah. Sad to see we are still patting men on the back for doing the bare minimum. After being married for that long he should AT LEAST remember how not to trigger her IBS. And socks... socks are the objects that are used to represent a horrible gift in media, it should be common knowledge by now. Reeks of "I just picked these up at Walmart on my way over because I forgot". These women are "NTA" as they say on Reddit.

[@tridile]

i dont think the socks one is the asshole at all (maybe besides making a bigger deal out of it at the party) but random socks with a holes pattern, especially if she has told him that she has trypophobia, seems like a gift for your nephew you dont really know and not a gift for a partner, even if the relationship hasnt lasted that long she did also say that the gift didn't have to be expensive-- a plant and a pot would be fine. i think the problem was more that the gift seemed like it was randomly picked up instead of thought out at all

[@Eliot_86]

Are we just going to ignore the fact that socks as a gift is so fucking weird. It’s not about the money, he could have just got her a £5 gift card or something. Not fucking socks! (Also as someone with her phobia I can confirm the polkadots that are really close together and dark in colour can be triggering.)

[@mimi-b9j]

her reaction was so weird wtf was that about

[@Frogii-123]

“Only baddies cry on their birthday” honestly so real. Happy belated birthday btw! :3

[@marcinattack]

I hope to god whoever Im married to for 15 years knows what type of things I would like for my birthday. If they were an early couple, I’d get it, you have to communicate how you want to be loved. But 15 years of marriage? I’ve had friends for less time that I could guess exactly what type of bday they would want. I had girl friends in high school that threw me a surprise sweet 16 about a year into our friendship because they knew I liked special treatment but didn’t get it from my fam on my birthday. Women have no trouble loving others in this way. The way that requires attention and work

[@Marzilla_Gaming]

"Happy birthday, Annemarie" we all say in unison

[@B1gF1shSplatoon]

happy birthday, annamarie‼️

[@exolentexo-l]

happy birthday, annamarie!🥳

[@zaraiigacha]

happy birthday, annamarie!!🎉

[@mizuksoup]

happy birthday, annamarie!!!!🗣️🗣️

[@mapleeee]

happy birthday, Annemarie!! 🎉

[@lazyperfectionist3978]

For the socks story, unless she was an avid fashion sock collector or that they're special socks that would benefit her health that she asked for (ie compression socks with a fancy/custom print), they're guaranteed a bad gift item even if you only knew the person for 5 months, like if I got a random T-shirt that had some weird pregnancy fetish print on it as a birthday gift I'd be just as upset to put it in perspective

[@Sillylittletotebagqueen]

Although communication is important, the husband is getting off wayyy too lightly on the first one. Also she probably used ‘whilst’ bc she’s british lol, brits use it more commonly

[@mikeyjay8927]

This was a weird response for you to have for the first post. Like OP said she said she wanted stuff outright. She did ask. Super weird of you girl. It should be obvious that she didn’t want to do her typical stuff like this is trash

[@Biggiecheeseness]

I agree. Her take made me mad. That husband is using weaponized incompetence

[@huckleberrypie279]

Ikr this genuinely gave me whiplash I can't even pay attention to the rest of the video like why was she so confident and so wrong like how is she a asshole for wanting a birthday in any scenario that's crazy

[@DropDread]

You guys forget she is a person to, yes she may have been wrong but some of you guys are treating what she said like she said something downright biological when it really was just a bad take from a stranger you don't know.

[@Hal-fx9xx]

​@@DropDread"she's a person too" without any reading comprehension skills, apparently

[@Biggiecheeseness]

@@DropDreadyes , but you can’t make a channel supporting negative things without having constructive criticism in the comments

[@darth_imperious88]

This whole video (except the lady who body shamed a 6 year old, that shits gross) I was like huh? Who am I watching??? What are these opinions? The socks one and the incompetent husband one are such obvious weaponized incompetence moments and are not at all the women's fault? Neither girl was an asshole, their partners where very obviously the problem. Like to the point I figured the stories are fake because that kind of stuff gets good engagement. Honestly shocked you didn't go off on those dudes being bad partners.

[@darth_imperious88]

Saw all the comments and was like "oh thank god i wasn't the only one who thought it was weird"

[@Biggiecheeseness]

@@darth_imperious88don’t worry you’re not the only one feeling this. I totally unsubbed

[@thefaceofchlo5390]

That second story absolutely enrages me because we are talking about a SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRL. She is at that perfect, beautiful age to start picking up on subcontext when adults talk and incredibly pressured (even under normal circumstances) to answer with what they think the adult wants. Given how this lady has stated she will say "would you like to make a better choice" when reaching for SNACKS, I have no doubt whatsoever that this little girl fully expected that to be said to her if she asked for cake. The nerve of this woman....

[@Scrabbleship]

Story 2: I wish Gwen’s father would have been involved in his own daughter’s birthday and involved in the after conversation.

[@julieneff9408]

I turned 50 this year. The best gift was my daughter sending me a GIF of Sally O'Malley, Molly Shannon's SNL character whose major characteristic is being 50. I laughed so hard.

[@vegeta6169]

Oh my goodness I remember watching that on cd as a little kid! I loved that skit so much.

[@scepticalhyenas5750]

The husband in the first one... _"He said how hurtful my comments were given all his efforts and how difficult it had been hunting down presents"_ The gifts he ordered... on amazon?

[@IxiaRayne]

I am sorry but the first story? Do you have to spell everything out for your spouse? Like … if she puts so much effort in every single year … yeah I get that she is bummed that she didn’t feel as appreciated as he put much less effort into her birthday as she put into his. I mean sure, communication is one thing, but he’s a middle aged man that is married to his wife for 15 years … he should somewhat know by now, what she can eat and what she likes. I don’t think this is as cut and dry as you made it look.

[@thekameru6058]

Love your content, but gonna have to disagree with you on the first story. If he isnt listening to what she needs for her basic health for FIFTEEN YEARS, then whats her chances of him sitting down and telling him what she wants for her bday and him actually listening. And then there is the effort - he didnt put any effort into making a cake. It was ordered. He didnt have to consider what to get her for presents. All he had to do was click a screen and maybe slap some wrapping paper on it, tho I bet he didnt. He didnt bother to arrange for a childminder for a day, or drop the kid off at a close relatives for a sleepover or something. This is a dude who has the attitude that hes had her for 15 years, with a kid, she isnt going anywhere, she cant go anywhere, maybe hes decide that other dudes don't find her desirable, so he dosnt have to put any effort into dating her anymore. And so, so many men end up with the shock of their lives around this age. Not saying shes perfect, but the idea of women looking at this and being 'yeah shes the ah obviously' feels like cold water being poured down my spine.

[@reallygoodatfolding]

The husband in the first story should KNOW the cream aggravates her IBS without her having to remind him

[@beesRsuperior]

I used to love this channel a lot, but it really seems like Anna has been delving into extreme pessimism, and painting anyone who does the *slightest* thing wrong as the villain. The worst person to walk this earth. Where's the nuance?- Where's the different shades of grey and colour? It's not all black and white, so why does it seem like whoever she is passing on her judgement to (not a problem) is the devil incarnate (a problem). I'd really like to see these videos in the future involving some judgement gauging. People who are only slightly the asshole shouldn't be chastised and called to be burnt at the stake; they should be given a bit of grace while also a toned down version of how much you think they're the asshole.

[@adricsoti3719]

i completely aggree

[@necrotit]

i feel like we've kinda lost the plot on communication in relationships. after 15 years in a committed relationship i'd be mad too if my partner got me a cake with the additional gift of diarrhea on my birthday. feel like one does not need to communicate that

[@JustACitrus]

I kind of relate to OP's feelings in the first one. For my 30th, I told my partner I didn't want a party or to do anything big. I also said I didn't want any presents. I ordered my own cake because I have a list of dietary restrictions that keeps growing and can be hard to keep up with. On the day of my birthday, he didn't even wish me a happy birthday before leaving for work. He did nothing to make me feel special on that day. It was just another day and he spent the evening playing video games. I tried to express my disappointment to him and he said "I thought you didn't want to do anything". I think it's about wanting to feel like you are important to your partner. OP's partner just wasn't thoughtful. Someone's partner should be able to know what kinds of gestures will make them feel cared about and make sure to do those things on a special day.

[@Feverm00n]

15:46 I appreciate your thoughtfulness in providing low key but helpful TWs, I’m fresh to (struggling with) ED recovery and it gave me a chance to practice some self-protection by skipping that story (and chuckled when you welcomed the people who skipped back). It’s of course my responsibility to manage my triggers and my emotions should I get triggered, but that’s why I’m making sure to say thanks for going out of your way to make it a little easier to do that 💜

[@d25102]

i disagree completely with annemarie and the redditors on the first one. the husband is literally a textbook case of weaponised incompetence.

[@nekovalley]

Dang, poor Gwen. You’re absolutely right, the way to get kids to eat healthier isn’t to place implied moral significance on the choice between a healthy snack and a less healthy snack, because that just puts pressure on the child to pick the choice that the adult is obviously hinting at. She’s not eating healthy because she wants to, she’s eating healthy because she feels like she’ll be a worse person if she eats a “bad thing”, and that’s literally how eating disorders can start. You can absolutely do your best to find creative ways to make healthy food more appealing to kids, but if they still decide they want something else, let them know that that’s okay too. Gwen probably isn’t even as unhealthy as op thinks she is, just because she’s supposedly overweight. She’s directly stated to be active and that’s proven to be way more important than healthy eating.

[@veethedarling]

Our word for today is "thoughtfulness". I feel like Annemarie really dropped the ball with the first story. OP wrote an entire AMAZON LIST with LINKS to everything and the conclusion Annemarie came to is that she's a poor communicator? I'm sure she could've and should've said that she wanted her birthday to be more meaningful -- with balloons, cake, a nice relaxing day or trip, etc., but I feel like we are giving her husband far too much credit for his weaponized incompetence. He "tried so hard" to buy the gifts that she outlined for him? And tried so hard with the cake that she couldn't eat because she has IBS and if he was a partner invested in his wife's life (especially since they've been married for 15 years), he would've recognized that? I genuinely thought Annemarie was doing some kind of bit, lol, because the husband was so clearly TA that it was a little astonishing, honestly. If you habe to plan out every aspect of your own birthday out and explain it to your partner...then why do you need them? Lmao. OP could have communicated better, maybe, but her husband didn't think to ask? If she'd like to go anywhere? Or what she wanted to eat? Or where she wanted to eat at? C'mon, guys, do better. This is less about an adult being whiny that their partner didn't worship them on their birthday and more about the fact that their partner lacks regard for them.

[@samuelsingh9753]

This! This is the first time I’ve actually disagreed with one of her takes.

[@catgame9177]

those socks weren't just a bad gift, they were an _insulting_ gift. and she didn't say she wanted an expensive gift ya know

[@crunchylettuce]

i literally just came out to my family an hour ago and im kinda freaking out rn but anyway thank you for the distraction 😭😭

[@panic39]

Proud of you!!

[@ItzMuffinzz]

Congrats! I hope it goes well :)

[@Sleepyfairies]

Proud of you 💗💗 I hope everything goes well :)

[@lilypad2714]

Congratsss! I’m so proud of you!! Sending you all the love and support, and hopefully that sentiment is shared by your family 💖💖

[@crunchylettuce]

thank you guys ❤ i feel a bit calmer now. it went well, not bad but i guess it could have been better. i just feel like i wasnt ready(it was pretty spontaneous and i just decided to go for it)but i cant really take it back now 😭

[@heylea4636]

why are you siding with the useless man in the first story 😭😭

[@mimi-b9j]

and the socks one too like wtf

[@mooseisloose2906]

let me break it down for you like you're 2 years old. She no make big deal out of all other birthdays and not say that this should be a big one, do you understand?

[@heylea4636]

@@mooseisloose2906 bro why would I be 2 years old

[@ellawestman]

​​​@mooseisloose2906 I think you're the 2 year old here. She sent him a LIST OF PRESENTS that she wanted. Anybody who has spent more than 10 seconds on this earth would know that she wanted wanted to celebrate at least a little. Maybe she didn't communicate that clear enough for this 39 year old man, but there is no way a caring husband wouldn't know his wife had IBS after 15 years of marriage and make her a cake that would trigger it. Be fr

[@heylea4636]

@@ellawestman exactly, she said something along the lines of "how haven't you told your partner of 15 years that you have IBS?" And I'm pretty sure the woman did tell her husband several times, that's what a normal person would do and that's why she was so disappointed

[@cocovcoco]

10:46 this story has my ketchup boiling omfg (Tw disordered eating at timestamp)

[@Salmakia77]

Socks story: between “expensive gifts” and “ugly triggering socks” there is like a whole universe of possibilities. Sorry, Annamarie, your takes are usually spot on, but in this video you kinda don’t get it, at least in stories 1 and this one.

[@urugozo]

I would hate having to spell everything out for my birthday to my partner of 15 years. It feels like at this point he shout know her a bit more, and gosh the only thing he got by himself was the cake and he even got that wrong.

[@Because-rt8qs]

5:07 Why the hell should she have to sit him down like a toddler? He's over 40 years old, ffs. She has to TELL him he doesn't want to do chores on her birthday? Are you trolling? 😂

[@angielott83]

I’m a dietitian and I’m totally going to use the “foods for your body, foods for your brain/soul” situation in the future with patients! ❤ that’s a good way to word that and so true! Thank you!

[@feefee6889]

23:40 your “hot take” is the right one here!! Socks really??? That’s a horrible gift. Flowers would have done just fine but he went out of his way to get socks she would hate. That’s dumb

[@alexjewett7455]

7:13 while I agree communication is important, after 15 years together, he should know her well enough that she shouldn't have to spell things out for him.

[@hcc7772]

YES. It’s also the emotional work of having to explain what you want. Should we take bets on how likely it is that she said “I want to do xxx” and he said “great can you plan it?” You know???

[@clarakempe1812]

Absolutely, plus she recounts what they did for his 30th (that Paris trip etc) and that should be enough for him to know what her standards are

[@luizairinam2136]

The takes on this video were really bad (the first story and the socks story). Like the only very good take was on that woman passing on her ED to the 6 year old, reasonably so, the things I'd say about that woman...

[@yourdad3275]

i feel like i’m being rage baited annamarie what are you doing to me

[@michellestella7477]

Annamarie, wtf?! Your first take was weird. "He put in so much effort for her 40th." No, girl, that was the bare minimum. Can we stop blaming women for their lazy husbands??

[@ZESTIESTBESTIESLAY]

The 2nd one MADE ME SO MAD OMFG. It reminds me of the time where my friends second grade bday party had carrots and celery sticks instead of cupcakes bc her mom thought it was too unhealthy😭🎉

[@commentsforthealgorithm]

It may be a shocker to this woman to know but a slice of cake isn’t going to give a 7 year old diabetes. The average person can have a slice of cake and it’s fine. It’s her birthday ffs Also with peace and love if someone had a phobia of heights you wouldn’t buy them tickets for sky diving. Bare minimum. Obviously she is not gonna wear socks that put her into a fear state. He doesn’t owe her an expensive gift BUT being considerate is important in even a friendship. If it was polka dots, and her fear is that severe, he should have asked if polka dots trigger her phobia before buying them.

[@ezra5737]

some people just want someone to do something nice for them without having to ask, i feel for the first girl. its nice to feel special for a day out of the year. shes definitely not the asshole at all. i feel like she couldve said "i feel like i want to do something more special this year" thats all she shouldve said cause if you been with someone for 15 years and they cant think of anything to get you or do for you, then yikes

[@queervelma9820]

For the first and fourth stories, I really disagree with you. One of the first conversations I had with my girlfriend was about her allergies. On her birthday FOUR months after we started dating I made her a dairy-free cake to make sure she could eat it. Neither of the men in the two stories could be bothered to go out of their way for their partners. Instead they got upset when their partners tried to tell them that they would have liked a little more thought put into their birthday. My dad buys my mom flowers on days that aren't her birthday and he always made sure us kids made cards for. The two women in the stories never asked for an extoridanary amount of effort to be put into their birthdays just some effort.

[@niyaakbar1098]

Why does the husband get off on not knowing his wife and communicating as well? He doesn’t know her well enough to buy gifts, she has to send him a list with links included. He doesn’t know her allergies? My boyfriend of 2 years has known mine since day one and actively keeps up with it better than my parents ever did and sometimes better than myself (I’m terrible when ordering out sometimes). He asks me what I want for birthday and where I want to eat, he figures out the childcare if it’s needed. He knows what I like but also knows I prefer to be able to buy what I want unless I ask for something specific. They’ve been together for 15 years and his wife has to help him figure out her birthday like he’s a child?? She takes him to Paris!

[@tchouorwaikiki]

nah i'm with op on the first one really, as someone who pays attention to my loved ones i can't fathom having a partner that doesn't remember medical conditions after 15 years. Like atp it's more than a "lack of communication" on her part, when you care about someone you remember these important things. And the fact that he thinks arranging a cake and finding some presents (that didn't seem astonishing seeing as she didn't even mention what they were) is "a lot of effort" tells a LOT about how much he actually does at home on a daily... Nah nah i'd be disappointed too like even if she didn't communicate properly, HE also lived with her for 15 years so he *should* know that she isn't straightforward about her wants and should've asked as much. Idk

[@haunteddragon8810]

No, she’s not the asshole in the first story. She gave him links to what she wanted. She was saying how big and special it felt to turn 40. She still had to clean up after. And after knowing your spouse for 15 years, you should know their allergies.