You don't know how to dress because you don't see your own beauty

[@devinkelly399]

Immediately liked this video JUST from the title. You have truly changed my life and therefore the life of my daughters. Thank you so much x

[@merriamstyle]

thank you so much for your comment, I can't believe my work has had such an impact.

[@seabreeze4559]

@@merriamstyle Nobody online understands dressing for length, including on moderate height people. PLEASE do a video with examples in photos because NOBODY gets this and we all feel frumpy by NOT knowing.

[@madeleine83]

I had to stop going to a certain hair salon because I couldn’t take the lighting, it was so harsh and I would look so bad in the mirror . I would come home depressed! It’s great that you spoke about that ! Thank you

[@Dan_Chiron]

The worst part is that it probably was on purpose. Clothing stores, beauty salons, beauty treatment places and so on, they use that lighting to make you feel bad so you feel the urge to consume more in order to 'beautify' yourself. That's a shady practice.

[@tereza5211]

I know what looks good on me. But sometimes I am afraid to look my best for several reasons: girls won't like me as much, men are awkward around me and I feel worried for my safety. I feel more comfortable dressing nice when my boyfriend is with me.

[@msevolution2317]

The right girls will and let the men be awkward. You’ll feel so good you won’t care 😊

[@merriamstyle]

I'd recommend taking a look at light vs dark feminine. I'm not sure if this happens to you, but I noticed for me, when I would dress more sexy I'd get the effect you're describing, but if I dressed more 'light feminine' then it overall garnered a more friendly reaction from people.

[@tereza5211]

@@msevolution2317 Thank you for the kind words.

[@tereza5211]

@@merriamstyle I normally dress very elegantly and classy. I don't like to show skin. I just like dressing timelessly with waist emphasis.

[@tereza5211]

@@elsagrace3893 That's totally how I'm feeling. Yes, even though I don't show much skin. Wearing skirt and dresses just above the knee without cleavage, the attention is often not pleasant. I wish we lived in safer times.

[@sofitocyn100]

I am in a way blessed to work in the construction industry, surrounded by australian men who are very blunt and will tell you things the way they are, but are ag the same time appreciative of beauty and femininity, which nearly doesnt exist at work. Thanks to them i know ehat makeup and hair looks best because everytime i pull up my hair and make up a certain way they are seriously at awe. They used to love my copper hair too (whoch to them looked eerie) but i made the mistake to box dye it with too dark of a tone. In fact they gave me so much feedback that i started to investigate my kibbe type once more after 4 years of following soft natural advice. Since everything they complimented me on was recommendations for a theatrical romantic, i finally understood that i was that. I had never even considered that i could be. It all made sense. It turns out that i look amazing in old retro style (think old hollywood. Granted, hard to pull off in a construction outfit...) and that i need shiny jewerly and makeup and blow dried hair. That's why i have always looked neglected with everything i used to do: wash n go hair, no jewerly at all, very little makeup, large clothes with color blocks...

[@sarawilliams7453]

Such an interesting topic thank you. Just wanted to say, also, that your blouse is adding to your beauty. The colour, the lace, the ‘Edwardian’ silhouette is very lovely on you.

[@daria46]

This top compliments you amazingly ❤😮

[@merriamstyle]

thank you!

[@josefina6468]

I think sometimes you are so used to see yourself that you are not able to note special or unique qualities that you would be able to see in other persons.

[@RuffiRaggaMuff]

The intro ❤ I’m having this conversation with my niece…. She is literally Sophia Loren beautiful and does not see it because she’s 14 and it’s not trendy to be that kind of pretty. She dresses in a terrible Walmart sloppy way to hide her curves. She thinks she is fat and ugly 😭 it’s so hard because she is depressed.

[@ytang5615]

But all the boys must find her very attractive and beautiful....I think she will eventually find she is beautiful when someone will really love her

[@RuffiRaggaMuff]

@@ytang5615 I hope so because right now she compares herself to the skinny girls and the girls with straight hair. She has such a beautiful bone structure and it’s really sad. She’s already told my sister she wants a boob reduction and a nose job 😢

[@ZurditaDinamita]

​@@RuffiRaggaMuff So sad to hear that... I would ask if she had good self-esteem as a kid or no, because I think the problem could be that. I think we all hate/dislike our bodies as teens (some more, some less), but I remember I tried to "be strong" reminding myself I liked my features before that :)

[@seabreeze4559]

Facial bones don't settle until around 27, tell her this. By the time it comes around, she'll figure out she likes it because trends change.

[@seabreeze4559]

Breast reductions can also cause nerve problems including numbness and even disability in some cases. I knew a girl with like a J-cup and it put her off getting it all done. Turns out she needed specialist bras.

[@Cekatu]

This is so true. When I found my beauty, I realised what compliments me most.....and interestingly, those are the type of clothing I would have gotten the most compliments from over the years. The clothes that made me feel at peace and complete in my dressing, were the soft dramatic styles,/lines. But I didnt know or understand why they worked. I would look at a photo and think wow I look great, but I didn't know to duplicate the style or lines. I also preferred "natural styles" because I was always trying to hide my curvy shape, rather than highlighting it. I am from the era when skinny body type was in, so downplaying those curvy hips and small waist was paramount. Recognising I'm a Soft Dramatic was a life changer. Now, I always look amazing, because I only wear lines/fit that flatter and compliment me. Oh! I also stopped wearing colours that don't compliment me. I didn't throw away my uncomplimentary clothing, I just used them when gardening, housework and such. Excellent expose on the topic, Merriam.

[@loelli_]

this is the same story for me!! I'm a Soft Dramatic as well. There's a video by Merriam from years ago where she says SDs share "large yin" with Soft Naturals and is a good body type to steal lines from since there's crossover. That might be why you also feel good in Natural styles. Any time I feel like looking more casual, relaxed, girl next door, etc I reach for SN lines. That helps me so much when I'm not in the mood to look like a snatched, curvy, glamorous diva😅 I follow a few style influencers who I'm positive are SNs and whose style I love, and use it as inspiration.

[@carm9716]

Your comment resonates with me because I, too, tried desperately to hide my curves. I'd look for pants that would squish my hips in and only wore minimizer bras. It just made more uncomfortable with myself and dressing turned into something I dreaded.

[@seabreeze4559]

have them dyed?

[@LaLaLo]

İt may sound weird, but i was told multiple times how actually my body looks good in the bathing suit (without clothes literally) than in my everyday outfit. Now i understand that i didn’t know how to wear true to my body type.

[@mufithabuhari4021]

This is so intellectual. Please give some visual examples of how clothing can be used to represent the qualities like smart, kind, intelligent etc. Thanks a lot. Love from Sri Lanka

[@hjtres7261]

She has some other great videos that exhibit that.

[@Ellesflowers]

You are so right about lighting! Recently I moved to my mother’s in law house and she has this white light that just emphasizes everything, lucky I noticed right away I was feeling ugly because of the lighting… I hope I can manage to change it into something softer. I hope other people look into it too.

[@dianamary6170]

Tell yourself when you wake up in the am and look in the mirror, I am uniquely beautiful, I am healthy, I am grateful for life. Then give yourself a little wink and a smile. Don't let the world get you down ladies! and never, absolutely never call yourself ugly, because it's not true. Great video Merriam. 🤍

[@mollyvflynn]

My oh my! This is such a revelation! ❤ I’ve just had a major epiphany thanks to this video. I have found myself in a major slump & feeling the ugliest I’ve ever felt. 😢 It has been taking me hours to dress - and I still walk out of the house near tears because I just can’t figure this thing out! I have been considering hiring a stylist to just tell me what to wear. Now I’m sure that I have been approaching this all wrong! I have been trying to dress to fit into a “category” or to dress like other women- asking my self, “is this outfit feminine? is this outfit classic? would XYZ wear this?” Now I will ask “does this outfit accentuate MY beauty?” or “how can I make my beauty shine today?” Agh, that is so simple yet so helpful! Thank you ☺️

[@kaylafuller2584]

This was rough- I am a soft dramatic- typed by you!! I swore up and down I was a soft natural. I often feel larger than life and heavy. I have been taking style recommendations and it’s really been changing the way I see myself

[@angierodriguez4729]

You look fabulous with that top 💁🏻‍♀️

[@kaitlinroth7555]

thank you for your sensitive soul and expertise ❤ your work and insights help so many women!

[@eileenternullo8077]

I have never liked bad lighting.. I wish dressing room lights could be improved. Clothes should improve you, I agree, I’m a seamstress, we pin things until they look good. Thanks , people need this video.

[@joannaingold6979]

i love the gentle way you approach these topics! you're speaking truth and doing so in a kind, thoughtful way that will help women (and has helped me!) to reframe their perspectives on their body and on clothing. i love the idea of getting rid of or putting away clothes that make you feel bad!! of course! why keep an object that is evoking negative feelings!

[@emac2008]

I need a glossary of terms.

[@sonder2874]

As a blended type I have a really hard time with this because nothing about me stands out too much but if I don’t wear my own lines I just look really goofy 😂 I feel like most confident and get the most compliments when I wear ‘boring’/simple outfits. Sometimes I come across clothing items that I find very interesting looking but I have such a hard time pulling them off

[@japrawdziwe7955]

The same. When I want Wear something wow then I Look like a clown. Maybe I am some type of classic... also I dont Look good in patterns, only clean line but is so booooring

[@sonder2874]

@@japrawdziwe7955it’s truly a struggle! Another annoying thing is that I tend to have to spend more money on quality clothes because cheaper poorly constructed stuff makes me look unkept or outright homeless. Maybe you can relate?

[@japrawdziwe7955]

@@sonder2874 it' true, cheap clothes doesnt work for me. Also I can't experiment with my hair, only smooth not messy, straight hair work. I Look Best in fitted line, not to tight not to oversize.

[@syl890]

Yes the struggle is real! I'm not a "pure" classic but it's such a pain in the ass to find clothes that look good, along with my color palette. I feel like as I get older I'm just going to give up and do what Steve Jobs did 😝.

[@sonder2874]

@@syl890 I’m a dramatic classic (but more soft classic face) and I actually do like just wearing a black turtle neck a lot of the time because it gives a clean and put together look. Sometimes I have trouble with people not taking me seriously and the Steve Jobs look actually is a great weapon against that 🤣

[@di3486]

Merriam, I think you are into something. I always have been convinced I am ugly. I do not have the face or body to dress how I would like to.

[@daniyyel1317]

I love how spiritual you get about this Merriam, you just get it! Goddess 💙

[@bertrantapp8824]

Thank you for speaking about this in your video. I like that you are not like reading off of your journal.

[@cheentzia]

getting typed as bevelled soft by you was a major unlock. i used to try and make the wrong lines work for me bc i subconsciously wanted to have what i couldn‘t have. i have now got rid of most of those things except for a few items that i use strategically (e.g. a blazer for when i want to look royalty-style formal or some tight sport tops for when i want to look muscular af 😆) i feel so empowered knowing my lines❤

[@FEMININEINFLUENCE]

Is soft beveled similar to soft natural? Or flamboyant natural?

[@cheentzia]

@@FEMININEINFLUENCE soft natural :)

[@natalieyork956]

So wise. Just adore your energy

[@kathystclair9485]

I think confidence and how God made us and our personalities makes a big difference. I had friends who were nothing like me, but yet they always seem to be drawn to me. I felt like I could not be myself around them, therefore thinking something was wrong with me. I am more high spirited, like to laugh and sometimes to the point of being silly. I would try to tame that down when I would be around a very serious, quiet spoken person. I found that I was not happy by trying to adjust my personality to suit different people. When I'm with someone who has a personality similar to mine I am so much more relaxed. I think once you accept the way you are, you are your most happiest self. Another great video. And yes, I don't look at myself in bad lighting if I can help it because I don't want to be a Debbie Downer when my husband comes home.😅

[@xoxjelloxox]

I wish I had a personality like yours. I don’t like mine

[@kathystclair9485]

@@xoxjelloxox We are who we are and as soon as we can accept that you will like yourself. I don't know you but this I do know; you were perfectly and wonderfully made by our Creator!

[@syl890]

I love this video! Great points and would like to see more on this topic; such as the before and after pics of people/clients that weren't dressing for their own beauty and then the transformation. 😊

[@cath5645]

I love this! You are such a tonic, thankyou ❤

[@KcKctea]

Your content is amazing and well thought and very informative. And also you look so gorgeous and sweet and in harmony with the style and lines you are wearing! You are truly shining in this video!

[@courtneypuryear4217]

Wow, so interesting. When I would look in one mirror compared to the others in my house it was not flattering… I thought I was tripping 😅 thanks!

[@onewisteria]

I am a rounded body type and romantic lines suit me the best but my personality is leaning more to the dramatic side so it feels a bit off when I am wearing the rounded lines .could you do a video on how to incorporate different lines within your own for example I love shirt dresses they are perfect blend between romantic and dramatic, want to find more clothing items like that or style clothes in that way

[@cheentzia]

i second a video on how to make contradictions work! my issue is being beveled soft without voluminous hair (long tousled hair is recommended but really out of reach for me😅)

[@klara5578]

@cheentzia try long scarves in your hair & voluminous earrings 😊

[@di3486]

Beveled soft here (with extra pounds) that wished I was a skinny gamine to dress like I would like 😢

[@cheentzia]

@@di3486 :( sorry to read that. for me whenever i really want to wear a different line and make it look natural i make sure to only use one element and combine it with lots of beveled elements, for example, when wearing fitted trousers or leggings, i make sure that at least they are long (not 7/8) and that i combine them with a loose top, maybe get some assymmetry with a front tuck or add a textured loose cardigan on top. maybe that would be something to try?

[@em945]

I thoroughly enjoyed this presentation ( outfit, hair and musings). Thank you, Merriam.

[@deee3950]

I thought about this for myself a bit ago. Thank you for the video

[@alibee85]

Such a great point. I look better when I dress in something that goes head to toe in one colour since I'm 5'7". I don't know if I'm SD or some kind of Natural, but the one-colour thing works for me!

[@NikkiSchumacherOfficial]

Woah I love this top on you.

[@peggy9300]

This content is so relaxing to listen to. Thank you 🩷

[@emiliascharm]

😍🙆💖 thank you for this reminder Merriam 💅 I'm loving this process of getting rid of what is not for me and incorporating what is

[@Monas99]

YES, YES, AND YES!!! my dear Merriam, you hit the nail in the head!!! I love you so much for this video!! I'm not into fashion at all, I dress how i feel most of the time, but this is the most important aspect of beauty, I'm gonna share it with all my girlfriends. I hope all women who see this video will do the same and share it. you just made my day, Merriam, thank you so much!

[@teresatennis]

This video strikes such a cord! Thank you for this! I hope you can expand on it in the group!!!

[@SonyaOpritova]

Hej Merriam! I love the idea and your top is on tope. This is so cool to see you again☺️

[@Xana_K]

Its so hard to keep hold of those things we like sometimes. I suspect im a SD as i just feel big and heavy always no matter what i wear, no matter what weight i am. Im 5'10" so I am definitely just large. And i simply dont have the money to buy lots of new clothes. So what im currently trying to do is adjusting what ive already got. E.g tying tops or dresses in a certain way so they appear more drapey and better fitted. Tucking stuff in, trying to wear the same or similar colours head to toe. Just very simple things. I think whats difficult is beauty is subjective, i can see the beauty in everybody else except myself. Its so weird isnt it. Wonderful video, very inspirational!!! Thank you, i think this is something we all need to hear!! ❤

[@merriamstyle]

that's so interesting. I just saw a comment from someone who is petite who said that SDs are the perfect body type because they have the height and the curves. it's crazy just how much greener the grass seems sometimes.

[@habelik165]

I had this exact problem. Finding the Kibbe system (and later the essences) has helped so much. For people who don't like themselves, I've heard this advice: imagine yourself as a cartoon character. Quirks are what make the character endearing, and if you imagine yourself as one, your perspective might shift. I have experienced something similar with the style systems. The categories are imaginary, but each of them represent something valuable (and therefore beautiful) that is unique to that category. These systems have been effective self-acceptance tools for me and I wish that everyone who has body image issues could have that epiphany.

[@babaganouche9605]

How wholesome and kind.

[@MarimoMare]

I think any clothes make me look strange or even ugly, but wearing swimwear I look and feel great... isn't that weird?

[@merriamstyle]

this can happen to people with softer features. often they look great in lightweight or clingy fabrics, so most clothing that isn't fitted well, and also lightweight and soft or slightly clingy in places may easily be unflattering (may look boxy or just off).

[@Thrivinginthespotlight]

Try a 90s knee length shift dress in a color that flatters your color season

[@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195]

Merriam. GIRL. (I say that as friendly i hope it doesnt seem patronizing) I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! Clothes SHOULD make your life better! We wear clothes every day (for the most part😂) it is an essential part of our lives! It should be comfortable first of all! And when I say comfortable I don’t mean like loose and baggy and cotton . I mean you feel comfortable wearing it! You probably wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing a cotton pajama at a fancy elegant wedding, right? Even if something is not in your colour palette, if you feel good in the color, that’s what matters

[@josefina6468]

You look wonderful~

[@mariannerichard1321]

I moved into a new apartment, the bathroom's walls were lime green. How to always look sick in one simple step. xD I paint them all white within the first week...

[@emac2008]

This is awesome ASMR

[@masadiceronio4577]

Hey Merriam...I am a little confused. You say that you are cool and delicate but you wear these muted, warm colours? I saw a video of you wearing white and black and you suit that so much better! Why not light grey or deeper blues?

[@Thrivinginthespotlight]

I was wondering the same. I think she has a seperate classification for these kind of olive skin tones that she has too that are cool undertone and warm overtone. I'm not sure...that's my best guess as to why she would wear warm muted colors is she has a cool undertone but a warm overtone.

[@neon.neutral]

Yes!!

[@Adhara740]

Awesome video

[@silvinavillarmakeup]

Kisses from Argentina from a Soft gamine with gamine essence 100%. ❤❤❤

[@maricelg777]

❤

[@BeYoutifulBombshell]

Perfect message… btw where did you get your podcast mic from?

[@merriamstyle]

you know I don't remember where I got it. I got it online but it's a yeti. I loooove it. it was also so cheap and the quality imo is great. it's also super easy to use. you just plug it into the USB port, nothing weird. I must have had it for five or seven years now and have used it with all kinds of laptops/computers. obviously i'm not an audio expert lol but it does what i need it to do and more.

[@charlotte-dp9sz]

That top looks glorious on you but is it cool and delicate?

[@merriamstyle]

thank you! I'll have to look at it again, it may be a cool ivory after all. but in any case, the lighting is so artificial it doesn't matter!

[@French-Kiss24]

Inside and outside. I’m a Dark Winter with very dark hair and very light skin. I’m a Kibbe Dramatic Classic. Unfortunately, this combination can make me seem aloof. I’d like to present myself a little softer. I can’t wear softer lines as I am definitely have a Line quality, not a Curvy one. I could go down from black to charcoal, but I do need high contrast. I’m also not in your Bright category. Any ideas?

[@Thrivinginthespotlight]

Maybe check out what your essences are. For me, my lines are straight as well flamboyant natural but I have ingenue essence so I can wear straight lines on the bottom but garments like milk maid tops on top to look softer and to put the cherry on top of a outfit. A deep v neckline might work but there's so much garment artistry I hope you find something fabulous.

[@hollykingston8984]

This is why I hate my work uniform I’ll be standing there doing my makeup in my underwear and look ok and then finally put my uniform on. Bam,instantly feel ugly. If I were a boss I’d never make my staff wear a uniform

[@hollykingston8984]

So I will be quitting my job as per your advice 😂