you don’t need friends, you need connection

[@glnknl2232]

I have no friends and havent even celebrated my birthday once in the last 20 years. And every christmas and new years eve Im also alone. You cant even imagine what loneliness is. Ive developed social anxiety and now people I meet on the streets dont even bother to talk to me. It's like they sense I'm not worthwhile.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

I feel this, I only started celebrating my birthday this year because i had no one to invite/hated being centre of attention. I feel like this comment could've been written by me a few years ago. Things do get better I promise 🥹

[@glnknl2232]

@@ChristinaAaliyah I’m quite introverted which doesn’t help and due to social anxiety my facial expressions are all of the opposites of smiling when meeting new people. It’s the result of bad experiences from the past. Subconscious: don’t be too nice and keep distance cause they will try to take advantage. I know I should open up more and give everyone a chance (to give myself a chance to make a friend).

[@glamjam9695]

I feel you

[@CherryBerryFashion]

@@glnknl2232Therapy could really help with this

[@kaifeng_jack5532]

​@@glnknl2232 dont give up just yet, I had similar experiences too

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

connection >> friends... thoughts 💭

[@hadassah.]

Please, believe her when she says that loneliness is caused by lack of connection!! A few years ago I was at my worst (bullying, depression, panic attacks, sexual aggression, etc.), but I had a wonderful best friend and we had a connection so deep that I never EVER felt alone. This year is the most "active" and sociable year for me because I met so many people, I go to many group activities, I go out every weekend for hobbies and yet, it's the year that I felt the loneliest since me and my bestfriend decided to cut off the friendship/romantic relationship.

[@hungrytroodontid]

I really needed that part about how sometimes it’s that you don’t know who yourself is because of the lifelong people pleasing. Going into interactions unplanned: I’ll have to be more mindful of that. Thank you.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

you're so welcome

[@tinyelephant77]

100%! I’m in therapy and have realized all I want is connection. Real connection. 2-3 people with real connection worth far more than dozens or hundreds of friends. IMO, at least.

[@janea8093]

I had friends but I was lonely in those friendships. So now I’m open to speaking with people but I’m very particular in who I pull close. If the conversation doesn’t stimulate me mentally then I keep you far or if I don’t feel you care about me half as much as I do you, then I leave. I’ve been lonely most of my life and now I’m 25 with literally 0 friends. But I’ve grown to not care as much, it still hurts cause I’d like to do certain activities with people but now if I really want to, I’d go alone and enjoy it or go with my brothers.

[@snkksss]

I've always been happier having a few interactions with strangers than having a lot more interactions with my friends. I think the term "connections" was exactly what I was looking for

[@Mtao94]

On the area of vulnerability what made me have a hard time with friendships sometimes is that they were being vulnerable with me, but in a way where every interaction became a therapy session. Something was always wrong. It’s like their sadness ate me. It was with more than one person! So now sometimes I feel hesitant going into deep conversations with people to protect my own mental wellbeing.

[@Nico_diacc]

Same, run from Deep conversations😂, IT will drown You. I think aesthetic conversations are the Best, because You can enhance your behaviour, but in the same time You can avoid the BS.

[@8ri1]

This happened just recently with a friend for me too. It was always something sad or negative whenever they spoke and it got to a point where I hesitated or just wouldn’t open up because it felt like “oh they have something going on so I should wait to share my news.” Then I explain that it’s hard to open up after negative news if my news is positive or if you’re going through something way more extreme than my minor inconvenience and i became the bad guy for it. I don’t mind opening up! I love it! But because I didn’t do it at the extremes and pace they wanted I was the bad and neglectful friend.

[@MuseSunflower]

I’ve had to overcome a lot of shyness and social anxiety. Personal development really helped pinpoint why I felt so afraid to speak up and let myself be seen. Once I began working through that stuff, opening up started getting easier and now I finally have friends. ❤

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

luv this for u 🥹

[@MuseSunflower]

@@ChristinaAaliyah 🥰💜💜💜

[@Mistyshade3]

How did you start working through it?

[@HaleyMary]

This is so true. I have lots of friends from different social circles, but as for true connections, I have very few. I honestly feel more connected to my cats than people. Also, when I do make connections with friends, it's often online friends and the friends I know offline are constantly on their phones and are ignoring the world around them. It's difficult to make connections in the world these days.

[@WheeJones]

CONNECTION is key, you have definitely solidified this for me!!

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

yep yep yep

[@matthewstorm5188]

I wouldn’t necessarily say in-person friends are better than online friends. One pitfall with in-person friendships is that they are ‘higher stakes’, and there is usually more pressure to conform and ‘fit in’. Friendship groups are even WORSE in this respect. This feeling of being unsure or afraid of the friendship, or that you need to tread carefully in order to maintain friendships is POISON when it comes to building connection. On the other hand, online friendships are looked at as more disposable, which lowers expectations. This allows people to be more themselves rather than worrying about doing things which could kill a friendship. This is VERY helpful when it comes to building connection.

[@Brinalea1031]

It is not necessary for some people to have friends. Some of us are quite happy with our families and spouse without the added headache and drama of friendships. I get all the connection I need from my family.

[@katherine5340]

This video made me realise there was only one person in my life with whom I could be honest/vulnerable enough to feel that connection. I kinda live in a small town and the people here are quite conservative, which makes me feel unsafe to be myself. But at least thanks to your video I see the reason that connection was made, I hope I'll find people I can trust in near future. Thank you for another great video)

[@Ghadeer-f6c]

I have realised a third tip this year after my friends were busy to hang out together so I decided to know another friends on social media or in real life I am fine now after did that 💓

[@naturallybecoming831]

I needed this because I’ve been lonely and isolated and then it became social anxiety. So I feel so scared fixated on thinking I’m not good enough but I realize I forgot how to maintain and nurture connections. This helped me see how I could learn to be myself again while doing better at being consistent following up with people. I’m gonna make a conscious effort to be the kind of friend I’m seeking and also pick more hobbies to break into different communities instead of just focusing on work. This made me feel alittle bit more confident in rebuilding connections like I think I can do this. I’m gonna list the things you said and put it into practice ❤

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

this makes me so happy

[@kasumikat]

Thank you for doing this. Ever since my best friend passed away I have definitely been feeling lonely even though i have so many "friends" and i seem popular because i have followers and now people. I realised that I definitely need connection but its difficult when i spend so much time online while unemployed and have so many different group of friends that I am not close enough to build a connection or good friendship with. I would try to open up to people and be myself but i feel like i am being judged or i scare people away...

[@matthewdsouza1797]

Finally.... Someone who is speaking my language, someone who gets me. I really found this video helpful. Thanks Christine!😘

[@SaraZaki-wp8sw]

GIRL! I just want to say: THANK YOU, I really toughth I was alone on this, you just validated so manythings I was feeling

[@contongx4255]

Hey, I usually never write any comments, but you and your content are so extremely needed in these times when it is so easy to be distracted. It helps so much to hear someone speak exactly what many people are feeling but cannot find the right words to express. To be acknowledged, to know that you are not the only one in this situation, and then to receive clear advice on how to overcome it is a kind of salvation. Thank you for that!

[@user-mj6qr2ky9d]

What if u had to cut out all the people because they were toxic and now u are alone for months/years and have so much anxiety about making new connections and other people ain't interested in u?

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

i've been there

[@andregustavolr2k22]

The part you said that posting a perfect life on social media ruins the flow is so true. I needed to hear this ❤

[@rosemarooi_123]

I always feel that i smile with everyone but doesn't able to keep any true connection with none because of my avoidant and closed attitude and i deeply want it .

[@baru6038]

Binge watching your videos, been feeling really down because of stuff with my friends and wow!!! You get it!!! Your channel is fantastic what a treasure

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

welcome home

[@mimm9158]

thank you so much your videos are so insightful and especially meaningful to me. im practicing being more vulnerable and though its scary right now i believe it will become something good Thank you again

[@deebo5284]

I'm very vulnerable. And then people just want to be close to me because they see me as like...an idealized love interest because of their notion that we are not connected on a whole other level. It's been causing me a lot of drama. I do agree that you should have friends that you connect with in different ways. I'm still looking for mine. I have a lot of interests, but none that it seems like people feel like connecting over. I'm trying to improve that situation, but it's really lonely. I also agree about the need to stand by boundaries...I'm having problems with that and it's probably related to the first thing I mentioned.

[@karasu_tengu14]

You made a lot of great points and this was what I've been thinking about lately. You seem extremely smart too❤actually no I take it back you are extremely smart.

[@darkreflection9087]

I wish I still had friends I live with my parents and sister but the house still feels lonely because we don’t interact as much as we used to and the house is very big

[@milkk3019]

8:26 i have trubble in speaking to my classmates and many times i feel like im missing out Btw great video, there is many thing to take from it 🤗🦊

[@DariaGrigorova-j4x]

The content is fire!! Love this so much, keep going!

[@Sarahsaha01]

this video came at the right time!

[@_CxttonCloud]

You are so underrated!! Love your channel and editing ❤

[@ayferno7337]

great video! you are really well spoken Christina!

[@jojo1577]

This vid made me feel so heard ❤

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

my job here is done 😌

[@alexandras5650]

Thank you I can't believe someone has been here

[@davedsilva]

AI Girlfriends are a great example of connection

[@miraevahayes9164]

I love the vids :)

[@bougatses]

Yes but connection equals friendship. If you don’t have connection with your friends what are you doing with them?

[@Big_Ransom]

This sounds intriguing to me! 🤔🥺

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

thanks Ransom

[@Ismbbsmbbsing]

This was so good ❤

[@unseenentity326]

It's not just Gen-Z. I'm a Boomer and am alone and it sux.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

❤️‍🩹

[@zombiechara42]

u need more subs

[@karlsagan6183]

I love your vids

[@هذهالصفحةلنيكونفيهاأيملهيات]

I want friends ANDD connections

[@Missy2858]

CHILL ON THE SYMBOL TRANSITION NOISE

[@Helen_590]

Right now I'm thinking I might not have any bridesmaids, if I get married 😶‍🌫😶

[@user-ib2bt4ck7y]

I appreciate the information in the video, and I don't mean to be a butthead but that weird sound that accompanies every end of an edit was driving me absolutely insane, and I honestly don't know why lol but my constructive criticism is to next time keep the sound effects and zooming in and out to a minimum. Try to figure out a unique way of filming that doesn't rely on unnecessary fillers.

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

noted

[@777Nation]

Changed title from want to need?

[@georgeb7756]

And here we have a person who doesn't know what they are talking about but it sounds smart to them.

[@thaonguyenxanh4468]

This is not understood enough…

[@infernosonata]

girl you deserve a lot more subs, you're single-handedly saving my social life 😭💞 it feels illegal to hear such good advice for free

[@ChristinaAaliyah]

i gotchu girl 😎

[@dadadada6147]

What the hell is aesthetic intimacy???

[@DariaGrigorova-j4x]

hahah that's what I was thinking!!

[@Nico_diacc]

Gen Z slang😂, means Something that look Nice, elegant topics and keeping boundaries. Aesthetic intimacy is the sharing of experiences of beauty, including art, literature, music, nature, and food & drink.

[@dadadada6147]

@@Nico_diacc I‘m Gen Z and never heard of this! 😭 Thanks for the explanation anyways!

[@Iamliterallythatgirl]

Everyone in my age group just wants to drink and do nothing with their life

[@Viral-Hit-v5q]

Might need to explore more areas

[@ohdamnthatssexy]

Omg I know how you feel..... when I was in high school my friend group always just wanted to drink at one of their houses as our hangout and I was always uninterested but I remained friends with them because I thought I had to. To this day, I am not in contact with any of them nor do I even have a close friendship with them. I'll talk to them here and there if we see each other. I would suggest you start doing more things you're interested in so that you'll meet those who are like you. I'm still learning too so may we find those connections that we are seeking :)