You Don't Own Life | Ep. 119 - Lifeline

[@SupergoodStudios]

Have you experienced luxury? patreon.com/lifelineluxury

[@Getyoahh]

Yes and I enjoy it very much

[@lasvegascrisis]

life needs luxury to rip the hardest

[@MaxK-ii7bn]

Lol looks like Chris gave up on working out

[@nutellanebula]

Love you both, thank you for your work 🎉

[@michaelmullmusic]

Any time Matt reacts to Chris with "the dumbest thing anyone has ever said" is probably my favorite thing

[@tracit7030]

“don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, but if you do, name it after me” is DEFINITELY a thing i’ve heard ppl say haha.😂

[@madelineatchison1381]

Chris' hair is a 10 today

[@kodyseiling5138]

100%

[@kodyseiling5138]

🤣🤣🤣

[@brianchacon6208]

10w40

[@mikaellugo4146]

Oh I’m sorry am I in Chicago? because those strays are killing me, 7.0/10

[@StevenKaneCo]

3 at best.

[@HunterLikesSoda]

I love fast forwarding through all of Chris’ dates and promos

[@TechHouse949]

U not a fan bro? Why u watch why crank sucking then?

[@nervousham]

Hahaha but sometimes you miss some banter

[@Downes_Indrome]

Thanks for supporting the show... mostly

[@goodboysongs]

Eh s’cock.

[@Forman_]

weird comment

[@chrisy_d9425]

"Pets aren't lamps" needs to be on a shirt for merch 😂😂😂😂

[@jackewart3961]

If the neighbour complains about the 6 course meal out the back, tell him you’ll “fire the waiter”

[@timothyrusinko8882]

“Never volunteer for anything.” Is such a grandpa thing to say and absolutely hilarious

[@stephzav4203]

The “Whoops, what’s your favourite colour?” bit had me DYINGGGG 😂😂😂

[@elmoduran2554]

The close up on Chris's finger when he pointed it is hilarious 😂😂😂😂

[@goodboysongs]

11:05

[@Simsimma33]

Sss'foreign lol😂

[@itsbrandonbush]

This is the first time I have EVER seen Chris’ hair actually look good. TEN! FUCKING TEN!

[@dustincoyle3859]

💯

[@Jennifer-i3b9q]

s'backhanded

[@tommygreenthumbs]

I agree with the ones who have said "Pets Aren't Lamps" needs to be on merch.

[@kodyseiling5138]

CHRIS!!! YOU ARE HAVING A 10/10 HAIR DAY THIS EPISODE MY G!!! 💁🏻‍♂️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@scottdavidson7543]

Word

[@teiece7890]

It’s so fluffy

[@deepseablu91]

Agreed!!!! 11/10

[@jhall900]

Both of themmm GHYATTTT

[@bbgregs380]

No homo but he is a sexy dude

[@nutellanebula]

Advices:::::::: 1. Crappings is SUCH a great name for poop. Thank you. 2. Making friends is like finding folks that share moments or common interests. Frankly being honest and risking sounding like a fool can get you far if you keep at it. 3. "Behave" : the people who say "Behave" instead of "buh bye" or "Take Care" are the same ones that say "Ciao" and try to sound cheeky and cultured. It's annoying but I'll probably start saying both. 4. I did agree with Matt thinking "Panda Dunk" was an expression, not a shoe type. I'm not a shoe person. 5. Matt is the only one that knows how to blow his nose correctly. 6. Humor compulsion 100% of the time is either a symptom of needing to be the center of attention or a symptom of being an idiot because you can't contribute more to a situation or convo. Not everything needs a zinger, but it's nice 70% of the time. 7. Insurance spin move: "If I could do something about ___ I would. I'm like you too, this is a awful" I think angry people want to feel heard. 8. Dog encroachment: I would get the police involved, BUT you should put "Private Property" signs around your property if you haven't already. Idk what the Candian laws are but in American states there needs to be signage of Private Property 🤔 i think. Also, putting non drying paint on your house/ window isn't a bad idea 😂 OR put a bunch of junk in front of your house, and talk loud so the neighbors think your dog got fleas and you're completely infested, and tell your dumpy neighbor to stay away because the fleas are really bad. Get creative!

[@secretgardenhomestead3251]

Yyyeeessss dude! Sunday is complete!

[@TravisYates-r7u]

SUNDAY IS FOR LIFELINE AHHHH'YESSS!!!!

[@baddcheeta.]

10:36 kudos to the dude for keeping the difficult dog ❤ aw

[@clairvoyant_af]

2:20 on the topic of soap, Dr. Bronners is easily the best soap I’ve ever used, they use essential oils so you always have a nice clean natural scent and it doesn’t dry out your skin like the cheap ones do, I’ve been using it for years and I’ll never go back to any other soap, I use the lavender one, heavenly

[@afonsosalgado578]

Chris hair is a absolute 10

[@DharlenPar]

Assejjbdndñnd. E pilldjkss😊😂😊😂😊😊😂😂😊😊😂😊😂😂😊😂

[@Greeezy]

Chris' hair never has a been a ten nor will it ever be a ten. And that's life.

[@nicolascleroux7051]

Cue the musical

[@Chris-P]

The dog bit at the end 😂

[@nickinskeep]

These bots are creepin me out

[@SpaceGhostMars94]

Imagine this is the beginning of skynet? Terminator robots will destroy everyone while making the most random comments. 😂

[@BenjiVerdu]

Your comment is correct and informative 😂

[@YourBeastRoy]

Awh I think you'll be alright bubby

[@JamesScrote]

That's exactly what a bot would say 😳

[@teiece7890]

Where?

[@stownrt61]

Matt’s hat is fighting for its life to stay connected

[@vinnybombara492]

For the guy with the neighbors dog problem… year round pop out Halloween decorations! Preferably quiet ones lol

[@enriquejaramillo6098]

51:24 hahahah watching Matt lose his patience is hilarious hahah😂😂😂😂

[@tommygreenthumbs]

Getting lifeline in on a Monday! AAAAAAH'YES DUDE!!

[@kodyseiling5138]

Also, we say the "name it after me" here in Missouri. We also say, "Be good, or good at it!". Like be bad at it and get caught, lol. Or be good at it, and you won't get caught. SHOW-ME STATE BABIEEE!!! Love yall, thanks Matt and Chris!

[@ChildishGambeaner]

Wtf does name it after me even mean?

[@baddcheeta.]

45:31 idk I saw a meme 😂 accurate response

[@rbwatches]

Chris' hair looks frinking amazing.

[@wavves7able]

Banger episode!

[@stayawoke3681]

When Chris says Nike Dunk zombies, I got blood red mad.. They're "mummy"

[@BTW4u]

Chris's inner brendan pissing matt right off to the moon. 😂

[@VegoHarrisTV]

In Lifeline we trust

[@yansmith9562]

Long live Lifeline😑

[@Onlyhabit]

Why wasnt this ep called Kylo Renner??

[@realtyrocker]

CARLO RENNER DUUUUUUUDE. CAR LOREN DUUUUUDE. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, SO FUNNY

[@bryanbryan6108]

Wull

[@den.james1]

DUDE. My boss just said “be careful, and if you’re not just make it after me!” I was like “haha.. okay!” I had no clue. I had never heard it before. This is insane lmfao.

[@bryanbryan6108]

Wull

[@ChildishGambeaner]

Huh

[@kale_____]

Chris pretending he doesnt always make jokes and then revealing it was actually only once and he still thinks about was so funny

[@Jonglohn]

That Facebook chairs shit killed me hahahahaha. Nothing is real.

[@scuddtv9750]

Matt has old man fashion sense panda dunk convo explains everything

[@surfinbanana6419]

Chris slippin’ in a Premo Rice line ‘sprinkle me man’😜😎

[@doommuffinz5276]

"Your dog eats my dinner every fucking night. And I haven't complained once!" 😂😂😂😂😂 og my god

[@brianp1328]

32:20 yaay matt

[@ChildishGambeaner]

Cringe

[@Downes_Indrome]

Thanks for another great episode my favorite sibling tandem 😊

[@GKTorn.]

The pooch in the first vid sitting there listening to the whole thing f'ing got me. Best submission ever.

[@CR_22]

I like that Chris made something up and we all know he’s making shirts hoodies and hats because bags 😂

[@kadenmooore]

bangin hair day for the both of ya

[@MatthewCharles]

With the dog situation:make friends with the dog, invite dog in and give it a nice haircut and a nice doggy outfit and a new collar, when the owner sees this they will be very WTF in there mind. New outfit for everytime it comes over. Then take family pic with the dog, now the dog is either yours or the neighbors will do everything they can to keep their dog away from the freaks next do. Win Win.

[@Jonglohn]

I laughed really hard and thought the same thing when Chris said that shit about the grocery shopping and meme lmfao holy fuck I forgot how much I liked this podcast.

[@robearz683]

Omg!! My doxie kept getting fatter and fatter, caught her one day sneaking out the back fence and eating the damn cat food the neighbors put out for the feral cats😂😂😂 I was dying over the dog story😂😂

[@CAPSTRES]

It's cool to see that Chris had Butters made into a new wig

[@Tytyyorkie]

“A chair is still a chair”- Luther Vandross

[@LifeRips-j2c]

Live by the Spinmove Mentality!

[@NewNoise02]

Matt's wrong about the behave thing. NO ONE says that to basically a stranger, that's fucking crazy

[@CleverMetaphor]

He's not wrong, even though it's lame

[@allypierchala]

Chris’ hair is a 10 in this episode

[@CR_22]

Bro needs to behave and take his time 😂

[@julienlamoureux1284]

Best hair in a while

[@johnnyperales4674]

Bro just made me spit out my food with .. "U know things may not be as It seems" mannn its a mess in here

[@Flipper35]

47:48 - 47:58 Funniest part of the episode😂🤣

[@martymart2529]

I think the saying goes “ don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, if you do think about me while you’re doing it”? Lol

[@lovelyzusha123]

1st girl that has no friends is terrified because of ppl like 2nd caller who get fuming mad because someone said “behave” to them 😰

[@nicolascleroux7051]

Oh ya this one is top 5 all time episodes

[@austinflynn5374]

Six-course meal is one of the funniest bits on Lifeline. Good shit, and great shits for that dog’s owner

[@cre8ufitness13]

Why does Matt‘s hat make me think of him driving a John Deere 🤭😂

[@jaejae444]

great epidode! 🎉❤😂

[@hyperbaroque]

I have met so many people who only shit every so many days. Or once a week or whatever. I shit every day, twice or sometimes three times. Sometimes I undereat, like skip eating for a day and don't even notice, and take just one shit the next day. Etc. But skipping a day of shitting? No. Impossible. How do these people not explode?

[@YourBeastRoy]

Hey ppl from golden hour. THIS IS WHY Chris doesnt want the call in questions on there bc he deals with DUMBBBBBB questions like "how do i meet ppl" .... really... ah be better

[@bryanbryan6108]

Wull

[@Jennifer-i3b9q]

correct

[@emilyspinach4603]

Be nice!

[@Cpt_JaK]

Lol'd at Matt saying "...&when insurance goes down, they'll be nicer..." Stock owners of ins companies said "profits must grow... we want MORE capital gains!" So it goes. Line must go up. Companies increase rates or leave the state as they have in FL as claim payouts increase due to flooding& storm damage&such. & rinse, repeat in CA due to risk of wildfires in certain parts of the state & claim payouts from past fires causes the companies' rates to increase across the entire state.

[@deepseablu91]

Chris, your hair today is 11/10 🙂‍↕️

[@publub1142]

Let's gooooo babiessss

[@proactive_studio]

I made it a point to never own and wear the panda dunks, its EVERYWHERE!

[@nevillemw]

Omg I said the same thing before Matt suggested giving the dog food to make it poop all day haha

[@ayeo1000]

In my eyes, when you get a dog you’re getting new baby family member. They’re not gonna be easy and need all the attention to learn. It takes time but if you do it right itll be more committed and loyal than most humans hahaha

[@ChildishGambeaner]

A new dog doesn't require nearly the same amount of time and attention as a baby. Kind of an ignorant comment tbh

[@EricFlores559]

Sometimes people that mean well, adopt a dog and for whatever reason, it just doesn't work out. Unfortunately.

[@cretchboc]

Hey you’re coming to Thunder Bay. You didn’t mention that.

[@amaraaubre]

Kylo Ren took me out 😂😂😂

[@Jennifer-i3b9q]

20:33 dude giving jake gyllenhaal vibes

[@Stefanya-y6c]

I going to Smyth’s dispensary today. They have Nike high tops with cannabis leaves on them and other related designs. A lot of bright colors. All I wear is SWAG from places like that, shows like yours and MATTS! Russell Brand! Sound Garden Nine Inch Nails….. I enjoy having shit no one else can find. So NOT CUDA! 😂❤

[@jo5hy]

KARLO GENNER 😭😭

[@molinasummers43]

Rest of the life. 😂😂. Love it !! Hike !!

[@Stefanya-y6c]

We are better off with fewer “friends”. One acquaintance at a time. Don’t question your worth and be a true friend yourself. 👀

[@savannahwest2163]

Dude 51:18 I died

[@memriemoyes9810]

Keep thinkin Matt’s hat is a subway hat.

[@evaninboots]

Just noticed that lump on Matts forearm. I have a very similar lump. Is that just a common spot for people to have lumps? idk but great episode guys.

[@parkermcnerney9324]

How was the title not "Respect the Delineation"??

[@CR_22]

Majorly or Mayorly ? I’ll never get this joke in now damnit 😂 bing bing

[@oliverandreaskindmellado4467]

Hair 9/10

[@shawntoussaint_Loans]

To the guy with the dog….. don’t sleep with your window open and that’s obvious

[@Pickletown22]

It's not hard Matt, it is difficult. Situations are difficult or a choice is difficult, not hard. Metal is hard... Chris D'Elia is h.....

[@josepheskandar3649]

I'm gay

[@jordanheimer774]

I knew it!

[@Isvvx]

Eh s’British

[@bryanbryan6108]

Wull

[@Dmg6um]

Came to write how good Chris’ hair looks - and everyone’s done it 👏

[@KaitlynDaley]

Hi girl in San Diego, I will be your friend 😁 - another girl in San Diego

[@kristenrainey5080]

A chair is a chair.

[@CompetitiveWitch]

Can’t believe I’m early

[@nickthomas7193]

LIFELINE

[@jo5hy]

kylo renner 😭😭

[@SmallEdgesPoker]

Very interesting and relevant topic. Boop bop deep bop. Heart.

[@Jennifer-i3b9q]

hair 11/10

[@terencetaylor510]

Chris D’Lineation

[@foggyvhs8790]

Never heard "behave" much but people constantly ask if I'm staying out of trouble and its soooo annoying. Idk where this NPC dialog comes from

[@gwendolynhamblin1209]

I want Josh Duhamel to tell me to behave 🥵 😄

[@ChildishGambeaner]

He told me to tell you to behave

[@chefatchangs4837]

Matt unironically gives amazing advice and I kinda wish he was my older bro