You have no confidence because your inner child is wounded ... this is how you heal

In this video, I'm talking about tackling the core toxic belief that lies at the root of our social confidence issues.
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[@OliverCowlishaw]

Here are the two ways to work with me: 🛠 12-Week Pleaser-to-Leader Program (Free 15 minute call) Break free from people-pleasing and lead with confidence. More info at: www.olivercowlishaw.com/pleasertoleader/ 🎯 1-on-1 Breakthrough Session Book a powerful single session to get unstuck and find direction: calendly.com/ocowlishaw/clarity Thanks, mate

[@nrudy]

I literally hit pause and then waited hours(days) to keep going. I believe "I'm not enough" so deeply that even hearing the words out loud triggers my warning senses because... Well shit, "they found me. They figured it out. My secret is visible. Everyone can SEE I'm not enough." Simultaneously wanting to be seen and being afraid of being seen is a real issue. I am terrified of who I actually am. I've avoided writing because I'm afraid of what might come out. I know that writing, just generally, reveals more about the author than the subject of the writing and that stops me. The person that will be revealed is... not someone I like. Talking to myself nicely feels... inauthentic? If I was actually ok the way I am, Why do I get treated the way I do by the people that say they love me? Objectively I know it's because they're also damaged people but emotionally... it is a rough pill to swallow.

[@samfootie]

Super pal. What I would say to myself is how much of a great, smart, and authentic kid I am but to believe in and back myself more. By the way, I love your use of the word mate here. It's not my favourite word, but it really worked in this video and made it personal.

[@rasra46]

I'm truly amazed. For as long as I can remember, I've been trying to protect myself, and as a way to cope, I closed off my inner child and buried my past. I haven’t felt this connected to myself in years. This exercise is incredibly powerful. Thank you for the great work-I'll definitely keep following along as I continue my healing journey ❤️

[@OliverCowlishaw]

@@rasra46 beautiful to read, brother. Thankyou.

[@VovaDan]

A million thanks to you, Oliver, for your work!

[@KyleValet]

this was excellent. realizing that some of the same neural structures are still there when I was a boy is such a full circle bavck to " oh its really still me "...literally...wow...and writing to me as a boy is brilliant.......we r enough but underneath I feel you are right that I do not feel nor truly ever felt enough.....ty I will try this

[@FDx8500]

Im so glad to find you, thank you! Really! Im in therapy currently like 5 months now and in some ways im progressing but in others I don't think it's good for me, he is what we call "progre" some one who doesn't get the man's perspective of things, everything is mans blame and fault he is the abusive one on everything. Thank you

[@OliverCowlishaw]

@@FDx8500 welcome to the tribe, mate.

[@Lazy-Eye-Joel]

I really like your content. Very well thought out en put together. Keep it up! 💪🏻

[@Mati_Pati]

Great video, thanks 🙏🏻😊

[@RC-md4dd]

This speaks directly to my soul and I'm a girl AND a 48- year old woman.

[@opheliakireva]

Unless you are a very evil person, you are all enough and worthy of the life you want. Never give up, and love yourself

[@Mark-ml5bf]

I'm glad I just found your channel 👍

[@patkuss]

I feel like I have confidence overall but I lack it only when it comes to starting conversations with strangers, especially women. I do ok when I have an "excuse" to talk to them, ie. work, meeting a friend of a friend etc. but I cannot get myself to start a conversation with a total stranger and no amount of exposure therapy seems to work.

[@OliverCowlishaw]

I feel you. What kind of exposure work have you done so far?

[@patkuss]

@OliverCowlishaw I started by just maintaining eye contact with people, then progressing to saying hello. I moved on to trying to start conversations with service staff but it would usually just end with me saying a joke, them laughing and that's it. Then I actually talked to a girl who was a total stranger but the conversation went so bad that I haven't been able to make myself do it again. For example, I've been going to the gym for half a year and have not been able to talk to a single person yet

[@OliverCowlishaw]

​@@patkuss first of all, you've done amazingly brother. You should be proud of yourself. All that's happened is you've hit a "snag" where an experience has triggered a negative and painful belief about yourself and it's hard to put yourself out there again. This is where some solid self-compassion training might be useful. Also, get clear on exactly what negative thoughts you have when you're about to approach a stranger again. Challenge the thoughts, reframe them, encourage yourself. This is inner work. And when it's combined with exposure work, you're unstoppable. But keep going mate. You're on the right track I promise.

[@SilkyMilkyOriginal]

14:42

[@Gsm-b7f]

❤❤

[@userunknown9655]

You see, I'm the opposite of everything you describe. I'm so cold and unsociable to absolutely everyone, and I don't feel bad about it. I don't seek attention or validation in any way 🤔

[@recklessnotion1899]

Two sides of the same coin

[@DruuzilTechGames]

I have no confidence because I have no value. 1:50 - I'm objectively not enough. Nothing can change this immutable fact. 5:53 - Not just broken, but irreparably so. 9:40 - Sorry buddy, it's only going to get worse.

[@Fandomsoffffffffffffff]

1) do you believe there are other people with no value? What determines if someone has value? 1a) do you believe human beings are capable of change? 2) not a question but a reminder: people make art out of trash. Even if you are “irreparably broken” I’m not sure it matters. 3) maybe it does only get worse. But you’ve survived so far. And you’ve grown. Maybe you’ll become more than you think. Who knows.

[@animenad]

I find it difficult to accept my self mostly the modern body standard I am skinny i always felt that people will not talk to me girls will not going to date me because I am skinny i am 22 now still don't know how to accept I am worried about being skinny and think I have to bulk up in order to people to like me or hang out with me

[@animenad]

​@cnxghosti am surprised brother even when you put on weight they still make fun of you damn bro I think society doesn't want men to be happy hope you doing good I am 6 feet tall but you know people have always something to find bad about you and put it on top thanks man for the encouragement i appreciate it💛