"You Shouldn't Date For Potential" Is Bad Advice!: Habits Matter More Than Circumstances

[@zarimc]

I think dating for habits is a great point BUT I think one thing you missed is the long term translation of dating for potential. It’s not uncommon for people (often men) to leave the partners that stood with them when they had nothing but potential for the ones they actually wanted as their standard. So that’s another level of risk in dating for potential is pouring energy into someone who will use you until they feel they can level up to who they actually want.

[@EnjoyOverEverything]

Oh snap!! This is such a good point

[@themandinkafamily]

Agreed

[@melodyreyneofficial]

Yes yes yes

[@whyherrodere3784]

Exactly... multiple cases of celebrity men leaving or cheating on their "starter wife"

[@SeanFit]

Listen, you can single out men, if youwant. But that doesnt invalidate that women do the same . Its been proven over, over, AND OVER again that we are ALL experiencing the same things despite genders. So... keep digging that "men " resentment hole as much as you want. ITS YOU to catch. Life gonna go on and give the right men and women their partners. Pray yall just handle men as individuals and not generalize. Men are going through it to. Do your best, forget the rest

[@TheBrookeJ]

Honestly ya’ll are the exception not the rule. Most cases when we do this they waste years of a women’s prime, OR the moment they get to a higher place they leave. We should take everyone’s advice with a grain of salt and look at your own situation honestly.

[@jazzyj904]

Exactly.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Preach. I also think that Shan and Jared are outliers. And I don't want to be THAT person, but colourism and looks-ism also comes into play. Both are evenly yoked re: looks. Attractive mixed race, light skin women are more likely to attract men who will invest IN them or want to improve FOR them; I think that Shan falls into both categories. I also think that both were at similar stages of their lives despite the age gap. In the BC, the dark skinned Black Woman is more likely to be the come up.

[@nikkicole54321]

Yes don’t make the unicorn relationship the goal.

[@yoishikakatshihe6402]

I actually disgre. I mean maybe They are the exception , but a huge number of people are it's dépend where you look I Guess For exemple, I'm a med school student ( in Belgium ) and most of us stay student without job, living in our parent house for a very long Time. We are potentiel for a very long Time and I Saw most of the long lasting couple among my entourage in that environnement. Even my Friend who have doctor parent, they met when they were student when they were juste potential And I Said that for Med school but Many long lasting couple form in college here, when they are nothing but potentiel ans still they last. So maybe compared to thé global people this is a exception but I've Seen that happens to many Time to believe that this a spam exception

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

@@yoishikakatshihe6402 It's not the same situation. Studying to be a doctor is not the same as having no goals, ambitions or focus. The situation as a medical student is temporary and it is very hard work but it'll pay off in the end.

[@chariot5920]

I think about couples like yall a lot when I hear this advice . Life is so much more complex than we credit. Great video. Habitssss

[@GaiaGalaxy420]

And valuesss

[@Social_Pugatory]

@@GaiaGalaxy420values and healthy habits are so underrated today

[@chantellemodisane]

The same formula doesn’t work for everyone. I personally wouldn’t date a man for potential

[@fatimah230]

Facts.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Yes I get you. I think that it depends on so many different things. Your gender, your age, race, values, goals, temperament etc Chew the meat and spit out the bones. The point about habits was a good one, but like you I wouldn't date potential.

[@shaynelee487]

My bro is mad creative! This was dope.

[@Lyricdagoddess88]

Don’t commit to potential, but dating for potential is fine

[@jclyntoledo]

Do you mean if someone is actively working on improving themselves and their life?

[@sophiasebadduka1135]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@Lyricdagoddess88]

@@jclyntoledo yes

[@Tephiffany]

Focus on habits...makes sense We just have to pay close attention...

[@yusihunter33]

I've been watching Shan since 2016 and seen the growth both y'all have shown on all the platforms. Thank you for sharing your journey! I greatly appreciate the lessons and hope you share with us. Jared, the video was amazingly put together even with no script. You're growth in filmmaking is *chef's kiss* and appreciated! Also, that willingness to learn and grow as a habit makes a hug difference. Thank you for the reminder! Y'all are so cute, and even during the hard times y'all are inspiring to watch!

[@raemahhenderson1602]

5 seconds into the thing and I’m like THIS IS AN ARTISTIC WORK OF ART (in an Australian accent) 1:47

[@mindtheprivacy]

Oh i love the 'shared" entertainment!!!!! Shannon and Jared!!!!!!

[@beautyinthebreakdown5214]

Jared, never stop creating & putting yourself out there! You & Shan are such a dynamic duo. Shan, i agree - being in a relationship that pushes you towards your best, unrealized potential & challenges your best excuses - BEYOND SEXY! Seeing you two create together always makes me love & treasure my creative man a little bit more! Thanks for the inspiration, always! 🤍

[@user-br4mu3op9d]

I really like this video. There is a softness, easiness and elegance in it. I want more of that

[@Soprano64]

I’ve always defined someone seeing your potential, dating or otherwise, as them essentially seeing what they would do if they had your talents, passions, gifts, privileges, etc. It’s not necessarily something you agreed you would work to achieve, they just decided that you SHOULD achieve it given your circumstances. So I think dating someone for their potential without having a proper conversation about what they actually want and plan to do with their life will set you up for failure more times than not. But also, even if they do agree to strive to live up to that potential & their habits align with that, people often change their minds COMPLETELY after reaching a certain age and experience level! Bottom line in my opinion: Accept that dating is inherently a risk no matter how much research, care, & effort you put into it, stick with whoever feels good and adds the value you desire to your life, and, most of all, maintain a healthy foundation of self-Love for when shit inevitably gets crazy lol

[@EllenJones-d8g]

I like how you phrased “adds the value you desire to your life” bc lowkey I think sometimes people just expect everything from the people they date and it’s like know yourself and know what’s essential. know what’s necessary bc everyone can’t be everything and it’s unfair to want that from somebody. but more importantly it sets you up to believe that what you have isn’t enough, when maybe it isn’t “adding the value you desire to your life”

[@Soprano64]

@@EllenJones-d8g oh yes, a thousand times yes!! I appreciate you breaking down what I meant by that even better than I probably would have lol

[@EllenJones-d8g]

@@Soprano64 I think a lot of media can convince you of what you should want/need from your partner and not a lot of it encourages you to understand yourself well enough to decide what that is. so you just compare your partner to whatever you see your friend have or on social media and all the sudden you’re not happy anymore. and I also like what you were saying about how the potential conversation is more about what *you* want your partner to be/do. I think love gets misconstrued a lot but it isn’t about forcing your own narrative onto your relationship. I think accepting the person in front of you wholly vice versa has to be the foundation. you can do a lot with just that.

[@Soprano64]

@@EllenJones-d8g Again, I could not agree more. I also enjoy looking up the history of western views on what Love “should” look like and how they were created, and it almost always comes back to consumerism and control over the masses. Like you said, the best thing you could ever do is sit down and find out what works for YOU and whoever YOU’RE compatible with. It sounds so simple that it’s a wonderful how we keep making it so complicated lol

[@ZaydaFleming]

I enjoyed this! I do think that Jared is on to something here with habits and date people for who they are now. Especially when dating while young, most of us are mostly potential- and those who are already “high value” in their early twenties most likely come from wealth and are benefiting from nepotism.

[@sianinaylea6694]

LMFAO I LOVE THIS. This is just the beginning of long form content from you guys, especially from Jared, and I'm here for it! I appreciate the authenticity, the bloopers, the playfulness, the imperfections, and the message of this video. Definitely appreciate observing how much you've grown, Jared, in the media space. Proud of ya, both of you!

[@jojom5858]

Loved this video honestly I believe the reason it really worked is cause you were still in similar places when you started opposed to someone dating way above or below where they are.

[@lachsforelle7565]

I watched the full video and I honestly loved it! The artistic style of it and all of your thoughts are beautiful. Thank you for bringing this for us! Would watch more of this

[@Xyzeezeezee]

This new direction and hard work will pay off one day. Hang in there family. I see it and love where your two are going. Congrats on all the accumulation and growth. So cool to witness.

[@rosachwalek]

LOVED the lighting and general cinematography 👏😍

[@emelynzacarias9730]

The qualityyyyyy of this videooo is so good tho i see thw vision. A short film from yall with themes on relationships and sexuality would hit !!!!!

[@unaversal_unacorn]

This is great Jared, Entertaining and informative. I grasped the idea of focusing more on habits rather than the current circumstances of the people in my life, romantic and otherwise. Putting this in my tool box. Thank you!

[@DeepSleepingState]

All I know is that we NEED a full version of Potential !!!!

[@reshmasomething]

This is a great video. The message, the thoughts, the process, it was all so candid. This is truly breaking the fourth wall in the most unique way. Well done!

[@lupitarosales5420]

That was so good! I love the nuance but accessibility. commenting for the algorithm to know that Jared is an artist ❤️

[@andrealgavidia]

Love this! I think a lot of people put a lot of pressure into interactions that they almost want to perfect it when we’re all flawed. It’s a lot of confusion surrounding dating and self awareness.

[@mindtheprivacy]

I hope dating for potential works. Its all I've done in my life and its all my phycologist says i shouldn't do.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

How has it worked out for you?

[@shaundapendleton4079]

It’s crazy what potential lead you to, you see the progression in your life, your relationship, your equipment it’s great everything has potential as long as your applying habits 😊

[@harmowknee]

Jared really articulated something I've been trying to find the language for. I loved this!

[@lisasiawild5816]

This was deeply entertaining. My favorite part of y’all’s content is that getting to look behind the curtain feel. Jared, the passion you have for your craft really shows in the details of your finished product.

[@skylarofcourse]

I’d love to see more videos shot like this. Really good!

[@YWiggy5]

This video was great! Thanks so much for sharing your insights. I definitely think habit AND character play important roles in dating. It’s important to see a person for who their character really is, not who we want them to be.

[@kimberleerodriguez2331]

I love this so much!!! The whole aesthetic was gorgeous. I have been watching your content for many years, and I love the GROWTH you guys have had. Honestly, it's beautiful. You guys should definitely make a series using this video format! Create a scene with a monologue telling a story and then discussing it. 🥰

[@aniadawson5801]

I loved this. It is probably the best video on dating advice i have aeen in years. The fact that someones habits can actually give yoh a better perspective if they are worth it or not is very insightful. I would like more videos like this

[@hannahgrammer2866]

That was so cinematic and detailed!! Loved every aspect of this.

[@ShanaVonD]

Love the style of this video. Message was cool too. Highlighting the habits is cool for sure.

[@solnova7928]

I’m going through a break up and although there might’ve been some fundamental differences that caused the breakup This has me reflecting on my own habits, characteristics that I didn’t have or nurture. Great video. Thank you guys.

[@ayyeclaudette]

Really loved how this was shot and executed. Thanks for showing the behind the scenes. lol I definitely thought it was the sun. Taking 📝

[@justinee1371]

Loved it! I kind of wonder if partners have to be sort of at equal places like you and Shan were. If someone’s realized their potential and the other partner is beginning to, there’s more room for exploitation

[@chelseab5467]

I like this concept a lot. Yes I have to agree with Shan that the res pill space does have a very true point when it comes to habits in a positive partner. Though it was a bit vague on the habits themselves. So some clarification on what those habits would be in another video would be greatly appreciated. I think the video was well spoken and well shot. Good job! Thank you Shan BOODY!!

[@Momdrogynous]

Great production! As always, it’s been fun watching Jared’s growth on the channel. Now the message…I’m gonna leave it here for someone else to pick up. 😂

[@KeishaCharmaine]

If we’re talking about potential to financially stable or successful exclusively, that works for a certain age I believe.

[@Passport2Pleasure]

Yes! Potential that's being acted upon is not the same thing as passively unrealized potential.

[@mindtheprivacy]

I loved this!!!!!! Incredible mad creative video!

[@EdwardSanchezProductions]

Jared you are so lucky to have a beautiful and wonderful wife like Shan

[@jas-n-motion]

Jared is dropping gems. Hopefully women listen ton understand and comprehend what he is saying.

[@zoehuwi4586]

Thank you for sharing this point! I loved the video and Jared you can be so proud of yourself. In the beginning of your relationship I might’ve doubted your “potential” as a longtime viewer of Shan. But you carry such a positive energy and have worked hard to become who you are today. Congrats 🙌🫶

[@zoehuwi4586]

Nog to mention the quality and aesthetic growth in your videos 👏

[@SandyGroupie]

AWESOME FILM! Loved the final camera tutorial and bloopers. The topic was too good, that I didn't wan't to hear it bc I just broke up with a potential🤫

[@nextned]

Such a fun video! I was engaged the whole time!

[@toomuchinformation]

Jared says at: 0:40 that he and Shan started dating when they "all THEY had was potential". So what the Pastor said at the beginning and Shan and Jared's situation isn't really comparable. He was referring to women seeing the potential in man as the best they could attract, even though they wanted someone more established. Shan and Jared were BOTH in a position of potential. However, the point about looking at someone's habits was an excellent one and that's my main takeaway.

[@rosa16340]

i see what youre saying but also a lot of the time when people are talking about 'potential' in dating they are already including 'habits' and ways of thinking, even if not said so explicitly. at least in real life maybe not so much on the internet 😅. in real life realistically most women understand most men arent out here balling and dont have every aspect of their life figured out. actually I'd say a lot of what women are being asked to wait on doesnt even have to do with money. a lot of it is respect, honesty, faithfulness, communication, etc.. and tbf it does seem that a lot of men nowadays have this perspective that, 'i'll do all that when i meet the one or when it's time to commit.." but like the man from that tiktok said, if he were capable of it he would already be doing it because someone actually respectful or kind understands that everyone deserves it regardless of the nature of your relationship. i think if youre dating someone hoping they'll be someone theyre not, when they themselves havent shown interest or desire in being that person, youre just setting both of yourselves up for misery. anyways, ultimately i do agree with your point but just wanted to give another perspective. hope yall are having a blessed one

[@GaylynLareese]

Video came out great, loved the different shots and the behind the scenes on the lighting…shout out to scripts and shot lists though 😂.

[@Wow-br7tm]

I loved ittt!! Thank you for the new perspective Jared !!!

[@Soprano64]

Also this was incredibly dope Jared, keep up the good work!!🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@fdrawsand]

Love this. Not too jump into religion, but the Bible says look at the fruit the man is producing. Like if he said he was going to do something and he does it then that's what you want. But we as women tend to look at what could be and get lost in the sauce. The word habit is good instead of protential. I've dated potential like omg you can do a lot, but they were actually lazy or wanted me to hold their hand.

[@Royshaarielle]

Need more of these 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@Alienbvbyofficial]

Love the production!

[@ashaatkins24]

I love the video and the content, but as a filmmaker, I appreciate the bts.

[@kindredkey]

I loved this! I really wanted that bedroom UNTIL I found out the lighting and stuff was all staged! LOL ... I feel like the spirit of this video is: date with your eyes wide open. Use all parts of your person to vet a partner. "Having it all together" doesn't exist and if it did, it does not automatically equal someone who has good Character or who will be a good fit for you. Allow someone to show you who they are over time. Also, investigate the word "potential" on a case by case basis. Potential is neutral it can be potential for good or potential for bad... Let them show you what way they're leaning.

[@elissialareina]

Loving this

[@HeyRuuuu]

Great video and interesting take!

[@nikkicole54321]

High value to me isnt income dependent: u can figure out ways to make more money. High values have to coincide with a strong value system( self control, integrity, etc). Potential is always pushed to women & never to men.

[@niarahstansberry834]

this was a really good video!!

[@akilasultana2368]

Loved this

[@AnnaM4117]

I think that if you’re a gambling type of person then dating for potential is doable. Otherwise, you are likely to run out of the patience and encouragement that your partner with potential will need to flourish. Personally, I couldn’t commit to the unknown!

[@mimistar1427]

Wow you're saying that this was unplanned, I wanna see more!!

[@venturewithchar]

This was great!

[@stuartwhite8939]

Changed my perspective!

[@Alishamelan]

I like this perspectiveeeee

[@mylou1231]

I think the tik toker wasn't talking about accomplishment when he says potential but how they act, think, their values, their ambition and how they treat you :)

[@raemahhenderson1602]

AGREE AGREE my fiancé is so disciplined and structured and it’s like that clip from A Different World - men with good habits could never be poor.

[@dgardner7609]

Loved it

[@azabache1059]

wooowww thats a real good video 🔥🔥

[@marieluise6907]

This is great ❤❤❤❤

[@domoniquelugrand5753]

Greatness!

[@chespraosromain4229]

Dope

[@dehziee]

I’m so early!!! ❤❤❤❤❤

[@Faith-sr8zw]

Usually the men start acting brand new

[@alinferra9397]

🔥

[@jessitrenzas5944]

Why does it look like AI Jared ??

[@mariexox6105]

Do you guys belive that you would be There you are without eachother ?

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

It's hard to see that being the case. The life they have now is one that they've uniquely carved together. So if they were still single or with someone else their lives would look very different, EVEN if they were doing the same thing.

[@TheBulletzgottishow20]

Hey Shan ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[@ShellyMichele]

Ok, I really enjoyed this, the topic is conversation worthy, I do, however, think you need to re-do the shower scene, ijs, LoL...sorry Shan..no really, love seeing this side of both of you!!

[@greenmatrix30seven]

16:50 😂🤣😀

[@Vibranthuesllc]

Yes 2:00

[@daniellebaxter4504]

❤❤

[@thehealingfairee]

Sounds like you’re focusing too much on finances? To me dating for potential doesn't mean that they're potentially gunna make money one day. Its all of the other aspects of a relationship. Like you said it's about your habits. Thats not potential, you had present day high value even back when you weren't making money.

[@whitenoise5679]

FILF. 😍

[@cariiinen]

Fun

[@samlosophy5894]

Yo

[@souadabdellahassen6917]

honestly the minute I heard shan is not going to be here I clocked out sorry. I rarely trust black women's judgement over black men any day sorry.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Don’t you mean it the other way round?

[@Fac0999]

Good shit

[@kettiacharles9101]

This was great!!!

[@jackline.w.w]

Love this!!

[@dehziee]

I’m so early!!! ❤❤❤❤❤