(Two Years Later) Response to Concerned About Our Love After Two Kids

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Two years ago Shan Boodram and Jared Brady satdown after having their second baby to discuss the impact not sleeping in the same bed and not having time for their marriage was having on their love for one another. After a trying week together they satdown on a 20-foot-drop ledge to revisit that conversation where they discussed their work life, parent life, sex life and married life together.
Watch part one here
• I'm Concerned About Ou...

[@rainbeauxunicorn5237]

I stopped using the statement “don’t take it personal.” What I use instead is “dont internalize this.” For me the difference is “there’s something I want to express that’s solely a reflection of MY state of mind and has nothing to do with you as a person” as oppose to “take it or leave it.”

[@nizbet5707]

Beautifully said!

[@mercymunoz1408]

This is beautiful said because I’m like well it is personal because its with me😂 but I won’t take it as there is something wrong with me(internalize it.)

[@shanboody]

Excellent reframe thank you I’ll use this

[@rainbeauxunicorn5237]

@@shanboody… 🫣oh wow! 🤭Not me fan-girling, Shan. ☺️Please do! I hope it helps.

[@TriinaG]

Ouuu! A word

[@jenniferbrown8224]

I love that Jared reassured Shan that he knows she’s a good person and whenever she acts out of character he identifies it as that and still treats her as the good person he knows her to be.

[@musicneurons7807]

I can tell that's important to her too

[@gabyaux8467]

The OGs know how important this is for Shan

[@bimaloxley]

I was just about to say this! The positive sentiment override is 👌🏻👌🏻

[@shanboody]

I learned a term for this “unconditional positive regard.” It is different than unconditional love and I invite anyone to Google if you have the time to learn about it oxo

[@TommyCombs-gm9cm]

He also knows what to say and how to say it when the camera is rolling and they also edit a lot of footage before uploading. People do go to bed angry, not all values in relationships are met and stay met in long term relationships. And believe they drive each other crazy at times and don't always apologize. That's relationships folks. Until you get in one don't believe 90% of every podcast. But shout out to them and you when you find your love. God bless

[@Piecesoftheshadow]

Please listen to your husband when he’s clearly making it clear he needs more quality time with you. Even if just 5 mins a day. As someone who went through exactly this with my partner and we were insanely busy and had no time, I asked for simple moments and kept saying things Jared says and it just didn’t happen and the intimacy connection grew and grew further apart and now we lost our beautiful partnership. There’s too much of a difference in how you both are feeling and that can get dangerous over time. Everytime he feels something is missing you feel the complete opposite and after a while, that will get harder to overlook. Obviously young kids contribute to that, but just make sure to be careful.

[@eliwilliamson7849]

My experience too.

[@Momdrogynous]

Well said

[@terenjordan4899]

damn. yes. thank you for sharing your experience. it hits.

[@tiffaniefebin8566]

Very much so! Like you said even just a few minutes. As silly as it sounds we watch a show and laugh together every night even when we're tired or frustrated with us. We're friendly watching Star Trek Voyager and we both look forward to this. I'm so sorry about your relationship and hope you are doing well💚

[@madisonLNM]

​@@tiffaniefebin8566 I love the whole Star Trek franchise!!

[@EmoeccentricShawty]

Being a human is crazy work

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Being a parent even more so.

[@ivanamicimici]

@@EmoeccentricShawty and birthing one and raising it is even more crazy 🤪

[@EmoeccentricShawty]

@@ivanamicimici yup . 10 out of 10 only recommend to the strong

[@millsykooksy4863]

God this is so true, I love it stated like this too

[@RoseWilliam-k6p]

OMG 😊 *MR OBALAR* ON KZbin CURED ME TOTALLY ❤..

[@akilasultana2368]

Shan I think it’s literally impossible for you to look unpretty

[@jazzyj904]

You could’ve at least said something about the content 🙄

[@mariablach4100]

@@jazzyj904it is part of the content..they speak about looks

[@Tina-wk2pr]

Facts

[@timbit827]

My thoughts everytime time i see her thumnail lol. Come for Shan, stay for the good content

[@nizbet5707]

@@jazzyj904this comment is in direct response to something said in the video. Did you watch it?

[@LickBamboo]

Jared's ability to be so intelligent, honest, loving, and soft with his communication to Shan is just so rare in men that I must give him props, Love this couple

[@energyh6]

It almost sounds like her husband’s Love language is “Quality Time”.

[@andreavfirst]

& physical touch also mentioned in this and old convo

[@angelalvarez7085]

I think his are physical touch and words of affirmation. I think Shan’s are quality time and acts of service.

[@TierraJaiAwakenings]

Ooo yall reminding how important it is to keep this in heart and mind

[@RoseWilliam-k6p]

OMG 😊 *MR OBALAR* ON KZbin CURED ME TOTALLY ❤..

[@seangee143]

From experience - as a married couple … please find y’all way back to sleeping in the same bed together!!

[@Livelife257]

Why?

[@ValentinoQ]

idk they say most people don't try so the stats are skewed but separate bedrooms are even better than separate beds but marriages do amazingly with separate beds!

[@MahasheS]

​@@ValentinoQDidn't know this. So how does it work? People sleep together when yhry plan you have s3x or what? Sorry this is an unfamliar concept to me.

[@rojomanchadodevioleta]

@@MahasheSa lot of couples will plan days/times for sex according to whatever’s most convenient for their schedules. the best outlook is not to look at it as a chore, but rather: “i get to do this with my partner *on whatever day/time*”

[@MahasheS]

​@@rojomanchadodevioletaI hear you. I guess separate beds/ bedrooms keep things interesting.

[@moonamigi]

Off topic but I saw your hair and immediately thought how beautiful and refreshing it looks

[@GoldenGlam95]

Same

[@denishadee2286]

SAME

[@deidrasteadman3911]

SAME!

[@betzavet2002]

Saaaaame!!!

[@shannawilliams8769]

Yes!

[@Thenameisbri]

Imma be honest, Shan it seems like you’re happy with the dynamic out of necessity/benefit when it comes to parenting and business, not bc you have real friendship with him. Jared is expressing that he wants to connect with you more on a personal level. Prioritize your relationship outside of business & parenting or you will lose your partner . Also, work on your temper don’t belittle him.

[@Onechance_ngl]

This exactly aligns with how I interpreted their responses. I feel like her man kept it about their love and connection as a couple and Shan kept it about herself and being dependent on him when she was stressed out which I find selfish, but honest I guess.

[@GaylynLareese]

I agree. I think hearing that someone loves you because they need you can kinda stick a pin in your balloon. Like dang, you just want me here because I’m useful. I hope the new hires really help them prioritize connecting on a weekly basis. They have a great friendship but I could see how the romantic connection could be lost when you have 2 little people.

[@chioma5633]

Mhmm she’s like this. Remember the video with her sister? Yep. It’s a pattern

[@tB-zq2db]

lol yall are slow. i peeped this four years ago lol

[@Onechance_ngl]

@@tB-zq2db I’m not slow. I’ve never seen these two people in my life prior to this one video. Congrats you’ve been addicted to YT more than the rest of us. Calm down lol

[@OhhYouu..MICHELLE]

Jared is missing the intimacy Shan! Words of affirmation isn’t his primary love language. 2 years later and his cup still isn’t full. Intentionally is paramount! Hoping the new hires organize things so well that you guys will have at least one day a week, free from work and the children or at least a day every other week. So you guys can rest into each other❤

[@thewrongshoes]

As a divorced woman I would say take what he's saying very seriously. He is basically saying the same thing twice . Take it as a serious wake up call - get in the couple time without the kids in now and regularly while you still can solve the problem....

[@ReppingCT]

I watched this feeling like I was all in y'all business.. I turned it off because it felt like a private convo lol

[@Kodak718]

😂😂😂

[@Elorashyannvlogs]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@Momdrogynous]

😂

[@SDotCole]

😂😂😂😂

[@18QueenHearts]

Sameeeeeeee lol

[@VanishaRD]

“Those things bring me shame, I’m really sorry” SHAN. WOW-I just love your vulnerability; it’s so beautiful. You show just how human and perfectly imperfect we are. I love that you all share these conversations with us ❤

[@Nklloa]

I have to just say something. Jared expresses that the weeks been hard, and goes into why and then Shans response is I’m really proud of … you have to hear the other person and understand when they are trying to express something.

[@folukea9986]

Good thing to point out. I was realizing that too.

[@daphwill]

Shan, this hair style on you is just beautiful. Jared, as a woman, i deeply appreciate your verbal experience toward your wife To the both of you, I pray that conversations like these (on or off camera) fortify your relationship and your love for eachother 💗

[@shanboody]

😢😢😢😢 this is so touching thank you

[@daphwill]

@@shanboody thank you for sharing your life with us ❣️

[@danii12321]

Why does it feel like Shan is listening to Jared but not really listening. She acknowledges how he feels but then almost inmediately responds with something positive. It seems like she does not want to share Jared's emotion and maybe even convince him is not that bad. Even if for Shan the situation may not be as negative, she has to be able to feel what Jared is saying. It's clear that Shan looks for reassurance but I don't think that is what Jared is looking for. I wish you guys are able to find that balance and harmony you used to have.

[@Bkmart439]

THIS! Is exactly what I was thinking. Kinda feels manipulative. If that is the case I hope they are able to realize that.

[@saucyfaces]

Agreed.

[@Brwniee95]

This is the most noted comment I’ve been seeing - hope they see them..

[@thewrongshoes]

Yep. That's what I see too. The fact he's telling her his issues the relationship twice is something she should take very seriously cause now that he's voiced it twice he could feel justified to get the relationship time he wants with someone else since she won't acknowledge the issue

[@sannilongo4020]

I felt frustrated on his behalf

[@Momdrogynous]

I will continue to praise Jared on his communication and his growth on the channel! Bravo! I feel for him this episode. It feels like he’s gently crying out, in hopes that his needs will be met and it keeps getting put off. Then the audio situation sounded like it could’ve been demeaning. He’s taking it in stride, but I wonder can something else be reprioritized in order for you both to have intentional blocks of quality time? MAKE the time. I felt some deflection from Shan. I get there was some shame around what she said to Jared, yet I love how he chalked it up to her having a hard time rather than that being her character. Wishing more quality couple time for you two! 🫶🏽

[@misseyyyy]

You know whats crazy? I remember feeling the same way when my 4 kids were little. 3 of them are now very young adults and 1 is a 15 year old. Now I just have flash backs of when they were toddlers and just wish so much I could go back and just be there for a moment and be present in each moment.. The hussle and bussle puts soo much pressure on you and at some point you realize what matters most is being present with the ones you love the most.

[@madisonbaxter9906]

I needed to read that right now. ❤

[@misseyyyy]

@@madisonbaxter9906 ❤️

[@diving.deep.]

Definitely. These days both parents want or need to be providers that throws off the balance. Our kids just need us more now ❤ one day we will need them

[@adaaa11]

He basically said he wants more time without the kids or working- just having fun and relaxing like before you became parents. Their relationship seemed highly based around sex and sexuality so now having 2 little kids and always being busy- romance and fun gets lost

[@andreavfirst]

He needs to understand that this is the season they are in now (and choose to be in) and that hopefully those days will come back when kids older. Maturing

[@adaaa11]

@@andreavfirst that’s true and I’m sure most dads feel this way while moms are more preoccupied with the kids. So it’s something to talk about before having kids I do think it’s important that parents find a way to keep the spark going and have that time bc that’s probably a big reason why men step out and divorces happen. You have to nurture your own relationship between each other as well and not only focus on the kids

[@andreavfirst]

@@adaaa11 yes, that is true also. Funny enough in my case I make date nights a thing while my husband fully understand that this is our season with the kids and that if we miss a datenight or a week without.....we are STILL Fine, Love is Not Lost! Divorces are mostly filed by women for different reasons btw

[@adaaa11]

@@andreavfirst right with kids things don’t always go to plan and that’s what you sign up for! I think in general a lot of men don’t have the same capacity to be around kids as much as women do And yeah most women file for divorce, largely bc men are more likely to stay even when they’re not happy for the kids or for financial reasons or for optics etc. the root cause of why they are divorcing tho could stem from the man but he just chooses not to file The man isn’t happy, so the woman isn’t happy then she files. Women are very intuitive and so if there is something off they’re gonna feel that

[@metr08]

@@andreavfirstYes and no. On some level, he can’t expect for things to be how they were 100%, but it’s unreasonable to expect him to go without his needs being met in ways such as having quality time with your spouse. That’s a must when you’re married.

[@sush1trees]

When Jared expressed how he wished you would’ve criticized the mistake as opposed to his personhood (around 28:00), it seemed like Shan’s reaction to him expressing that was still not validating to Jared’s experience. I’m sure you have both talked about that situation many times off camera but I do hope Shan can lean into acknowledging the hurt she caused *before* praising herself for the progress she made in expressing the anger she felt.

[@HerandHerGF]

This was a hard watch for layered reasons. When we watch closely to this moment I see Shan working on letting Jared have the space to express. I believe she holds space for him but she was not holding space for herself. Or at least not used to holding space for herself in the midst of a mistake. I identified with this on some level bc what I see is she’s very hard on herself. Although she is very aware of her hiccups and ways she may drop the ball, she is demonstrating celebrating how far she’s come bc instead I believe she would spiral towards the negative self talk and treat herself harsher than what Jared is expressing. I think with time, she is getting better at holding space for Jared. I want to note that she did acknowledge his hurt by saying “you didn’t deserve to be the recipient of that…” Shan and Jared we appreciate this vulnerable moment.

[@sush1trees]

@@HerandHerGFyes you’re absolutely right and I hope my comment didn’t appear to neglect the nuance of the moment. I see progress in what you’re saying as well, and I appreciate both Shan and Jared using their platform to demonstrate how they navigate the peaks and valleys of healthy communication.

[@CelineAdobea]

Omg this is such a healthy sharing 😍🙌🏽 wanna celebrate both of you for sharing your reflections so beautifully❤ one of the healthiest chat shared I’ve seen

[@HerandHerGF]

@@sush1trees no not at all, your comment just stood out to me. We are all interpreting from our own lenses. Thanks for continuing the conversation.

[@Sunfl0w33r]

@@CelineAdobeaomg right?! I thoroughly enjoyed both respectful expressions of povs 🥹💕

[@annabellealberton2237]

Shan and Jared, been watching you guys for years. This video didn’t feel like you guys - you guys seem off. Sending positive energy your way.

[@_LilacRoses]

In what way?

[@tB-zq2db]

they are probably divorcing and going through it, but "anything for content" lol

[@Neesha242]

Kids change people.

[@chidochemoyom763]

I never comment, especially not negatively, online but I’ve been following you for over 5 years and you are a powerhouse through and through. That’s why I feel the need to say, with love but sternly, that when you gush about how deep your love for him is, he doesn’t seem to reciprocate verbally in the same way, at least not in your online content - ever. For example, at the end of episode 103 of your podcast, you mentioned that Jared is your fairytale and asked him if he felt the same and he blatantly said no! He said your lifestyle (let alone business) of filming your lives in awkward situations, the fact that you’re not submissive and don’t know how to cook as reasons. Then he said you’re really powerful and can help him with his business. I found this alarming. Then, to hear you cry and gush about how much you love him and say that you wish you loved yourself as much as you love him in this video, was doubly alarming. It puts you in an extremely compromised position, especially as a woman in patriarchy married to a man, to feel this way about yourself in relation to him. I truly hope for all women to have high self esteem and to love themselves first and foremost. If not, I fear it is quite easy to be manipulated, taken advantage of, and used by men.

[@suziesmith9076]

He’s not in “love” like her he doesnt love like she does. He’s expressed that the way he gives and receives love and Shan has ignored it for 2 years 😩

[@ddoubleu170]

I agree, that’s why that quality time shit is for the birds. She needs to keep working this business, amass her wealth for her/their babies, and IF he’s still around - he may be the one. I’m a firm believer in putting yourself - before your partner. You can prioritize your relationship, but be careful not to centralize it.

[@chidochemoyom763]

Look at his body language when she says she’s so desperately in love with him at 9:51 he breaks eye contact and starts fidgeting. He’s visibly uncomfortable with her displays of affection because he doesn’t feel the same way. He’s definitely using her for career opportunities and stability, and it does benefit her career to an extent, but I hope she just protects herself and stops expecting him to feel the same way back.

[@rainbowglazednights]

Awww Jared seems so dejected. This is kinda sad to watch but I have heard that the connection comes back as kids get older. Kudos to them for openly communicating through this.

[@deonrhodes8588]

Why are y’all not hiring babysitters? Hire a babysitter and book a hotel for a weekend, no work or anything. Do this like once a month.

[@SAlina-se9xq]

Struggling for the content.

[@kam.kam.]

I remember when my kids were little. I was often frustrated, overwhelmed and felt like the struggle was punishment for me having them as a single parent. Now they’re grown, save for my latest addition because I had a baby as an old person. Parenthood is so complex and requires so much whether you have/want to give it or not. When you royally mess up, address it quickly, always apologize to your kids and explain yourself as much as possible according to their understanding and move forward. There will be mistakes because that’s life. Make the love/safety outweigh the BS. Give yourself grace and be sure to make room for your beloved all the time.

[@solnova7928]

I love this

[@kam.kam.]

@@solnova7928 🫶🏾

[@WilliamsPinch]

That’s the best advice! And congrats on the baby baby 🥰 you had kids in different generations❤

[@littlerickery]

shan ive been watching you for years, and as ive grown up your content means different things to me. my thought now is that i sometimes think over communicating can be as detrimental as not communicating. sometimes theres things that just need to be said and heard and moved forward through, rather than dissected over and over, or deeply analyzed. i think sometimes a more logical approach to relationships can lead people to back their resent, or to feel the need to stand in your corner, where as, having faith in the relationship, hearing, and changing action can show a deeper trust. of course couples need to communicate deeply, but i think its a big trend in western culture the last few years to be overly therapistic and to hold up indevidualist values against relational values. i feel a lot of push back in this conversation, even in asking questions to each other that mean to open a deeper conversation. sometimes questions and wanting to dig deeper are a sign of not accepting someone else's feeling rather than thoughts.

[@l.salevi]

This video isnt about me but your comment resonated with me deeply. I needed to read this. Thank you

[@EdwardSanchezProductions]

You got to make sure you guys have date nights so you guys can spend time together

[@Brwniee95]

Yes you have to keep dating each other despite being married keeping that spark alive and continue to learn each other..

[@EdwardSanchezProductions]

@@Brwniee95 great minds think alike

[@DeepSleepingState]

Shan gonna cry or come close to tears every time she speaks about her love for this man 😭 so cute

[@GinaCriv]

It's manipulative

[@DeepSleepingState]

@@GinaCriv that’s one way of looking at it!

[@Aloof_Buddha]

@@DeepSleepingState The "I love you how I aspire to love myself one day" fell flat. Obviously he's not feeling that love and then to tell him that I love you more than I love myself... There's something off about it and I can't pinpoint it. Overall, seems like she admires his looks more than the other aspects and as a man I'm sure that's not how he wants to be valued.

[@SuperLallypop]

Its refreshing to see a couple talk about their feeling to recenter themselves and come to a balance. Most of the time we just pile up our frustration or our fear or miscommunication. And then arguments start. I can really connect that with what ur guys going thru because I had my two kids not so far apart and it is very difficult on a relationship that is having a growing family and and also grietas a parent. Holding some different hats can be overwhelming but it does get better. When the kids start going to school it will be a different chapter and more time for a relationship. Ty for sharing for the good, the kind and the ugly (things we are embarrassed to address).

[@shanboody]

I love parents who say it gets better! Thank you it means a lot to read these testimonies bc time feels like the enemy these short/long crammed days

[@anastasiabh1644]

Unpretty? No lie, before I got to that point in the video, I was thinking how particularly beautiful you look in this video ❤️ fix your crown, Shan.

[@XEveryoneLovesEmilyX]

Somehow she keeps getting prettier and prettier

[@07BBrooke]

Same

[@theastrolotus]

Yay for the happy ending 😂👏🏽but fr I cried when Shan said “I love you like I aspire to love myself one day” 🥹 You both continue to inspire me and teach me in ways that I am just so grateful for being able to watch and feel like I’m a part of your journey ❤

[@pkp6791]

That was a beautiful comment, but concerning. Loving a partner more than you love yourself can be a set up for problems in a relationship. If the relationship goes through a deeply challenging time ( or God forbid, doesn’t survive), it could lead to serious codependency that will impair the health of the relationship. They are a lovely couple. It is courageous of them to publicly share such vulnerability.

[@EdwardSanchezProductions]

I love how honest you are with us Shan

[@kyladanae]

He’s definitely expressing that he wants more time as a couple not as parents or work partners. He’s a good man and a lot of men start to check out during this time. So it’s very imperative that you two can work this out. Love to see open and honest communication. I think a lot of couples take this for granted. Shan you are a very strong and intelligent person and I love your platform.❤

[@Ms_Holliday93]

This is beautifully shot. I love the new style of the videos.

[@talitam.8414]

One thing is for sure it's very brave to be that open and honest online. I applaud you for that.

[@jackelynlopez96]

You look GORGEOUS Shan!!!! The hair, the collar bones, the arms, erthang!!!

[@MightyPessimist]

We all acting like we did not know this will happen. Either it is unspoken or spoken but I do not have to get into a relationship, get married, then have kids to know that kids will dominate your life 100% of the time as a couple for at least 5years… It all depends on how you take it, some people laugh before they cry. Others just cry. I am opting out.

[@osimeon00]

Kids do not dominate your life. That's a choice.

[@WilliamsPinch]

@@osimeon00 if you want to be a decent parent, they will.

[@whosaidthat9265]

@@WilliamsPinchkids do not dominate your life. By definition, that would mean they control or rule over everything you do and that should never be the case. The parents dominate and the kids are a priority in their lives. That is the proper order. Failing to take care of yourself and your relationship with your spouse is when kids dominate and that is a recipe for disaster. Parents have to take care of self and their relationship to be their best for the kids. You can never be your best for someone else without taking care of you first and that is especially true when you have kids.

[@n4musica]

They almost need to until their more independent. Kids need to create a secure attachment style and that starts from birth and continues throughout toddlerhood. After that, when you can explain that Mommy and Daddy are going on a date because it’s important that we spend time together, and have them understand. Not that you shouldn’t take time as a couple throughout the baby/toddler years, but helping your kids create a secure attachment NEEDS to be the priority because that will make their lives better, and make the parents lives easier in the long run.

[@TiannaEss]

This!!!

[@taylargrant3604]

It sounds like Shan maybe you guys need to have boundaries with your kids. Obviously the kids come first yes, but maybe teach your kids It’s OK for them to sleep in their bed every now and then, they might cry a little bit, but we have to have mommy and daddy time. they will respect that and when they are older, they will realize that they can’t have their way all the time because it’s not always about them. Maybe you Will feel more replenished because you guys fill each other’s cups and then the babies.?❤

[@Michelle-dm3nl]

They are still small and it's very normal thing to do at that age. Every child is different, we have sleep trained the same kid 3x and guess what my kid is going through yet another phase of needing us at night. Bedsharing is a way for everyone to get sleep, it's not a matter of lack of boundaries

[@taylargrant3604]

@@Michelle-dm3nl I see your point but ehh.. I disagree but I digress ♥️

[@Michelle-dm3nl]

@@taylargrant3604 that's fine it's easy to say otherwise when people a) never raised a baby/toddler b) had kids who slept through the night on their own without much intervention c) don't need to be up early in the morning/are not desperate for sleep :)

[@taylargrant3604]

@@Michelle-dm3nl lol relax love

[@forablackgirl8820]

This scared me ngl. Just got married, thinking about trying for kids soon and the thought of it putting a strain on our relationship scares me. I respect you both for opening up and being vulnerable. This is the video we all need to see. It sheds so much light on the effort needed to make things work.

[@MissMadelineMM94]

I think it's also important to enjoy that time as a married couple before introducing kids because it seems it's never the same after kids.

[@sincerely5906]

Kids will put a strain on your marriage just naturally because of the transition to parenthood. However, with the proper foundation, the marriage can deepen and grow.

[@isendathinks7588]

Thanks for showing these vulnerable conversations, I've watched for many years, but I've noticed a shift from Jared and he seems more empty/dejected. Shan often redirected and talked about things she's proud of and seems to struggle to really hear the hard things he's saying - feels like a form of defensiveness. There were quite a few moments that seemed quite invalidating for him. I hope both of their needs and issues can be addressed to keep them strong. It sounds like he needs more quality time like others have said. Wishing you both the best.

[@esminemahalie3997]

I think she is manipulative..with her positivity. She also does not listen to her partner. Whatever he says she deflects into some positivity land.

[@natashafinklea2654]

It's the emotional intelligence for me. I admire your love for each other.

[@migaromano]

I was ur husband a few months ago. I did not want in a “business” marriage. I enjoyed the way me and my husband was a great partner, we made things happened. We were both hustler. We made money come in and were building a strong foundation. But at some point, I was trying to tell him how I do not feel we were connected romantically (which he did not deny). Everytime, he replied a bit too positively as if us making money, us accomplishing X Y and Z can compensate for us not being connected. What broke the ice was the way I fell into a depression and I just needed him and instead, he just wanted to buy a house. And yeah… that’s when I put a hard stop on everything. We needed to figure us out. But him he thought I just said I didn’t want him anymore, or I was ungrateful or he just can’t do anything about it. So he took the easy way out. He filed for divorce and I let him. I had to let him do it because for the first time, he took it seriously even if it costed our marriage. The point is… you telling everything that’s going well will not change how he feels. Plz put the work to give him what he is craving. He wants to reconnect with you, and that’s all that matters now.

[@Starr_1204]

I think yall should seek couples therapy and stop discussing it on the internet- do all the other stuff just not this. I’ve been married 17yrs two kids ( young adults) and when things got rough we talked to a professional about it, not the internet. Wishing you two the best. Keep it private.

[@mekareactsandreviews3026]

I have a male friends in the same situation as Jared..He's feels alone, unheard, unseen and unloved..There's absolutely Zero intimacy..No affection..They sleep in totally separate rooms and it's been that way for almost two yrs..and he's tried to communicate how he's feeling to his wife..multiple times..even just the other days he wrote her a letter, thinking written out he would be able to get across what he's trying to say..that he's crying out for help..He basically expressed he was deeply struggling in the marriage and with himself..that he was deeply depressed...and just needed to like he had a friend in his wife, instead of just basically co-parenting..and from his pov she simple got defensive..she felt like he was blaming her and told him to just leave if he was so miserable...which is her go to..anytime they have a disagreement..she just brings up divorce or separating and has said once she has enough money to support herself and their child she's leaving...He doesn't want to divorce, mainly for their child...But I've had to talk him off the edge a couple times...And unlike Jared their not in a open marriage so he cant simply find companionship in another woman. Please women, wives..listen to ur husbands when their trying to tell u their struggling...the foundation to happy children are their parents...if the marriage isn't strong, then the foundation ur children defend on the thrive is not strong...Kids take up alot of time and space...but u can't forget ur spouse...It's not selfish to spend time making sure ur marriage is still feel with love and respect.

[@tavanaevans1881]

8 months postpartum and I really feel this. I feel like the partnership deepens in a different way but bc you are so focused on being parents and things shift. You just have to continue to grow in the moments with each other.

[@NiyahSan]

It gets better. If you can get a baby sitter every now and then.

[@tmchelle03]

I appreciate Shan and Jared sharing their love journey throughout all of these years...Despite the relationship woes they still reassure one another that they are not going anywhere. it's so inspiring ❤️

[@taylargrant3604]

Your hair has NEVER looked better ❤❤❤❤

[@shanboody]

Ugh 🙏🏽 thank you! You know what’s conflicting to me on this, I kinda like it too but my family cannot stop commenting on it whenever I see them. My niece and mom definitely will act like I JUST cut it everytime they’ve seen me. My mom said she’d probably pass me on the street and not recognize me and I feel like damn…it’s THAT drastic

[@taylargrant3604]

@@shanboody aww lol it’s okay girl! Either way that’s what you have right now and it’s absolutely stunning!😍 So on the days that you think you look crazy or that your family might comment way too much, know that there’s somebody out there thinking that you look like a runway model🥹💕✨😍

[@AnabelPerez-ny2mi]

He seems like he is defeated. Jm sorry shan but this man seems hurt. Getting will and jada vibes 😅 but sroously ...i dont think hes being heard and she seems to strong headed to compromise much.

[@Sprint622]

I know EXACTLY how you feel about cutting your hair and then feeling un-pretty! Honestly, what helped was me to get myself into a sensual phase where I wasn't looking in the mirror and when I felt naturally seductive (like when I was listening to my favorite music or dancing), and THEN DOING MY HAIR. When I was feeling myself, I was creative and I did my short curly hair in a bouncy betty bop way that complemented my face and earned me so many compliments. (my profile pic is not representative because it's not a recent pic). But I was able to be creative and think outside the box while styling because I was in a great mood and put my love into my hair! Whenever I do my makeup and hair when I'm expressing my sensual seductive and whimsical side, it always comes out 10x better and I end up feeling so amazing and I can't stop staring at myself. Literally, when you're pretty, you are always pretty, and you are beautiful Shan! I can see your adorable and gorgeous face and expressions with your hair even now. You can always find different styles and creativity. Might take a couple tries but don't give up! Much love to you and Jared!

[@topseekrit]

Shan, listen. Truly listen to understand his feelings, his needs, and specific requests. Figure out how you can meet them. You keep talking about how things are better for you, but listen cause it’s not the same for him.

[@dralandralarkins8443]

She's manipulating him, she likes him as her assistant. Stop watching people like this, fake experts, fake prophets, fake relationships. A world of illusions. We better off listening to our own intuition.

[@TheSisters4Life143]

Yes, she’s always been full of word salad !!! Had to stop watching her some years ago, especially after reading one of her dating books. Literally threw the book away more than likely or donated cuz I don’t have it anymore lol

[@victorduru11]

i feel Jared has a lot more on his chest to say.. i hope they're union is okay and they can get to a place where they're both happy and satisfied. it seems this is what naturally happens when you have multiple kids, while working together, and building yall's entrepreneurial careers. best of luck and blessings

[@lmpreston1]

You have to give yourself hours of peace a day. It's okay to be still. Working mother of 4 kids and when they slept, I napped. I loved having my kiddos because playing with them allowed me to enjoy moments I had as a kid. We all piled in our King sized bed with small baby cots on the floor if the kids didn't want to stay in their room.

[@victoriagrullon2620]

Shan and Jared, first thank you for being vulnerable and sharing the video. Not a lot of people can be this open and then air it out for the public to view. You guys definitely communicate in healthy way overall. Shan, just as an observation - it sometimes feels you are soft gaslighting Jared and what he shares with you. I hate how the word gaslighting has morphed into something so extreme but in this case it’s soft in that it feels like you’re not affirming what he’s saying + adding on that things are going as smooth as they can. It feels like it isn’t something you’re doing maliciously, it just seems like you’re glossing over the concerns he shares with you

[@shanboody]

I hear what you’re saying. We genuinely can have different feelings tho but I can do a better job of taking a moment to repeat and discuss his vantage before sharing mine

[@naemkind843]

I know how it feels like to not feel our ‘go to prettiness’. For what it is worth - As soon as I saw your hair, I said to myself that I should take the plunge and cut my hair too. It looks so pretty and youthful; just gorgeous. I hope there is a part of this version of yourself that you can feel pretty in too ❤

[@Lamar-n6t]

Them having opposite answers to experiencing parenthood was interesting. Is fatherhood actually something Jared wanted/thought about?

[@yveqeshy]

As someone working through the shame that comes wih having an emotional meltdown and reacting poorly , I see you Shan trying to work through that and I hope you'll continue giving yourself grace that even when you fail to do it well in one or two instances, don't let that taint the effort you're making and I'm glad to see you've recognized that space is what you need in that instance to feel your feelings and not take it out on Jared or the kids. Both of you are doing an amazing, I still appreciate your honesty on what it's like navigating your relationship in it's different seasons and as both of you mentioned, the sacrifice you're making right now raising the kids may feel overwhelming but just hold on to each other , it will keep paying off when you start seeing the little ones pick up the things you're teaching them

[@shanboody]

Oh wow. I'd love to do coffee (or tea in my case) with you. Thank you I feel your steady hand and warmth. Also as an aside, I'm so curious why you chose home decor as your DP! You seem like you got good ass stories

[@yveqeshy]

@@shanboody if you ever find yourself in Kenya, I'd love that 🙂🙂

[@DoNuTsIeAt]

On KZbin I think you guys are such a great model for positive communication! I love watching these 🥹

[@BruceWayne-pm6co]

Nobody is going to mention that this guy looks EXACTLY like Justin Bieber and The Weeknd put together?

[@WilliamsPinch]

Jared is light years more attractive than both lol

[@alexisd.8157]

Jeez, it seems kids take such a heavy toll on a marriage. Glad for this conversation. Going to share this channel with my husband as we're considering kids.

[@cvstaff22]

I appreciate you guys sharing these raw conversations because I feel like there are people who can learn from them. Thank you for sharing, especially when you don’t have to

[@whatevermv]

Shan looks genuinely overwhelmed, overworked, and from her descriptions of her explosive behaviour (exaggerated, but you understand), she is clearly under a lot of stress. Instead of powering through juggling marriage, children, and business, I truly think the business needs to take a step back, so she can prioritise what she needs to. If Jared, was the one indicating this same survival mode, I would say the same for him, but in the early stages of childhood, it's most common for mums to be overworked and feel the strain in a way that means they're not prioritising the right things in life. Career comes and goes, these videos will still make money regardless. If she truly wants to make the most of her children and her husband before the disconnect leads elsewhere, I would genuinely suggest taking a step back for a bit of time and stop trying to be the ultimate businesswoman. Once she refills her cup, she'll be able to come back stronger. On one hand, this is the result of having kids even after two rational adults both went into the relationship not wanting kids, but they're here and out in the world now, so it's just making do with the new norm, and stop seeing them as an expense on your time. I've often thought of older versions of her kids watching back some of these vids (going all the way back to her pregnancy vids with the second), and how this much vulnerability is good for Shan, but for her kids, would really make them wonder if she just sees them as something that has derailed her life. As another commenter said, sometimes too much communication is detrimental. I appreciate and truly see the way these are two very mindful parents, but the reality is, they're not coping in a long-term sustainable way. Most relationships don't, that's a reality, so it's not unique. However, Shan is a relationship expert, so I'm guessing it's important to her that it IS sustainable. Something is definitely gonna give, Shan is right about that, but by then, it might be too late. Jared looks like he's on the verge of checking out emotionally, but Shan is in too much of a survival mode to do anything about it right now. Her tears and vulnerability about her love for him, emotional as they are to the viewers, really does not look like it's hitting the mark. At some point, men don't want to hear the declarations of love and unyielding devotion, because their own needs aren't being met. Wishing them the best.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

💯💯💯💯

[@moreschebartley6899]

Your hair looks absolutely beautiful, frames your face so nicely ❤

[@mimimileigh2484]

Ugh. Hair is such a tricky thing and can totally ruin how we feel about ourselves. You'll figure out what to do with it. I totally relate. Appreciate you and Jared for your honesty. Hoping the best for you both.

[@shandalie8741]

You guys have been helping me w my own relationship when i realized my insecurities were taking over and my now husband was fighting to keep it going even tho he hit rock bottom w me. I first went to jared podcast to get an inside on how men think and it helped me in my marriage sooooo much! The raw honesty was what made me want to make the change on fixing myself and getting to the root of why i am the way that i am. It took a couple of yrs to work on myself but we have made it and r now married. Also shan... you have been like a teacher/big sis to me when it came to navigating my sex life and my relationship too. Your podcast has helped me so much. Including those episodes with alex grendi and drew love. Were still in the deep w that but that was the start of me fully accepting how my husband is in bed. I have had more peace that way. Ive never had anyone in my life have these discussions before about sex, growth, life and just becoming an adult in general w me. Navigating what adults go thru and coming out of that teen phase. You made me feel like its normal to grow up. Also, the thought of being a mom made me feel like i had to give up on my marriage and focus more on my kids. Seeing u discuss this way before this video made me realize too that i can be a mom AND a wife. (Not a mom yet) Overall, idk if youll read this but ty for everything you have put your heart and soul into. Idk if i would be where i am today w/out your teachings ❤

[@shanboody]

I’m overwhelmed and so so grateful to have community with you thank you

[@chit-chat007]

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEIR HONESTY ABT THIS PHASE OF PARENTING!!! GRANT IT ALL KIDS ARE NOT THE SAME BUT THEY R KEEPING IT 💯 THANK YOU FR THAT!

[@hurududu29]

Watching this actually brought me peace about leaving my partner after the first year with my daughter. This was the trust and care I thought we would have, but the reality was that we couldn’t show up for our daughter or each other together. Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing this video.

[@drm-relationshipcoach9475]

The way Shan loves Jared needs to be studied. We see it, but I know we will never fully understand it and I think it is okay. They both know it and it is okay.

[@tonitonitoni84]

👋🏽. Parent of two under two here. 😮‍💨. I can relate to your present situation. Watching the body language, passive aggressive moments, deflecting, over reassuraning, emotions, subliminal requests in this video … is so recognizable to me. I felt like I was listening to my husband and I. We’ve had many similar conversations. I love to hear you and Jared converse because it’s the same way me and hubs talk to each other. We have moments of snapping at each other. Then we talk it out with patience and “let’s fix this” Co sleeping and no time, or good time, to be intimate. Child please. That’s us. Making time when we have a job, house work, a business, and limited community is real. We’re in the process of making a decision about load shedding the business. Getting the kids out the house for hours or overnight is tricky. It’s a toss up of who’s available, who’s home is suitable, there being two babies, and not wanting to burden others. Then when they’re out the house, like Shan said, I’m constantly thinking about how’s it going with them, and fighting off intrusive thoughts 😂. The quickies are so technical rather than intimate sometimes. Half way through foreplay, someone starts crying, so that’s out the window 😂. Children are a blessing, but this season can suck, and we acknowledge that, we don’t call it the new norm, we just prioritize shuffling what we can, when we can, to make sure we can connect, even if sex isn’t involved. You guys will make it through ❤

[@NotThatDeep]

Hey Shan! Love to see you back!!! ❤ i asked for this a cpl years back, and i still have a request for a video from you dealing with ageing as someone who is used to being seen as a very pretty girl (not a brag, just an experience). Im 34 now, and am still struggling with the slow decline of attention and compliments. I’ve started getting Botox and micro needling lately, and I think that’s helped, but I would LOVE to get your outlook on the topic and maybe some more information and most of all, advice!!! One thing I will add is that I’ve tried to focus on putting more value in my career and hobbies, rather than looks, but it’s hard to depart from what I hold (and what I thing most others hold) my value in!!

[@MsAmarie90]

Shan almost had me crying when she started crying. Man i hope i experience love one day.

[@zoehuwi4586]

I looooove the cinematic look!! But I want to say something about the advertisement: I would delay the start of the ad. Because I feel like it starts so soon in the video, that I as a viewer don’t have the time to first be immersed in the vibe of the video. Before I’m even convinced that I want to watch this whole video, I’m already being taken out of it to a commercial first. Since the video is already so cinematic, I feel like it could be an important change to try out. (Although maybe that is not financially benificial? Given the sponsorship agreements…) Just wanted to give this opinion. Been riding with this channel for years. You guys remain inspirational! Much love!!!

[@mufuu0]

@19:37 that "my love" sent me 🤣🤣🤣

[@Faith-sr8zw]

Jared is a patient man that’s rare

[@chevrandyw4903]

Speaking as a person who is watching you - to Jareds point of whether or not we realize that you have less time to create the way you want to - honestly I'm just happy to be here. I've been following you for yearss now and I feel you have built enough trust for us to know that when you do post, it's quality and it's very useful. I understand rearranging may hurt your numbers a lil bit (I done fell off every now and then myself🥴) but generally from the outside looking in I think you're just fine. You guys are real and that's what makes you unique.

[@leilataylor_]

Truly no other channel that provides such raw, open, dialogue. It’s so refreshing and inspiring. Also the quality of editing/ production is above mainstream TV quality!! 100000/10

[@therealconqueror1373]

No one and nothing can prepare you to be parents and spouses. Yes, there's knowledge out there, but the experience is overwhelming, sacrificial , and quite testing. It's difficult, but at the end it's worth it

[@teresamarie7460]

It's because most people are innately selfish. It's best to stay childless and single.

[@themelaninbutterly_]

I really enjoyed this conversation,it was conscious, very mindful, very clear so the other person can understand and not feel attacked. This is what love is. It's not ramance 24/7. Very good example.

[@rahmaahmed5146]

‘You’re the difference between me and insanity’ wow ❤

[@osimeon00]

Seems the key issue is you have prioritized the children over your relationship. Recipe for disaster. A child's wellbeing and safety takes precedent over everything but not their place within your life. Alot of North Americans for some reason do not know how to create boundaries between their children and marriages and end up sacrificing the relationship entirely.

[@quiana2755]

Thank you for sharing this open, vulnerable conversation with us ❤ I think it helps send a message to those of us who are experiencing some tough problems in our relationship that it will be okay ❤

[@cariiinen]

Beautiful connection and communication

[@eliset9506]

I so appreciate how real this conversation is because it’s so relatable!

[@danielafurtado5095]

I’m selfishly so curious to hear about your business ventures. What are the investments that didn’t pan out?! Was it the Esther Perel branding mission? The cannabis retailer? The suspense! I’m on the edge of my seat.

[@Michelle-dm3nl]

I can hear the struggle in Jared's voice. I tend to naturally express the upside of things when my partner is really down or sharing negative feedback about our situation. It has caused some arguments where he expressed feeling invalidated (though I have no idea if Jared feels that way). I try to take a beat so he feels heard, before moving to a completely different space. And sometimes I try to quiet that voice that wants to say the complete opposite so he feels his opinion maters just as much. Difficult in practice especially as I always see the upside of things. On the kids, I know it's not always easy getting help, but getting a nanny to come 2x a month for date nights (not just to allow us to work) and put the kid to bed saved my relationship. We get out of the house, and away from the family dynamic. We also are not allowed to talk about our kid so we can step away from mom and dad mindset and then at least get half the night at home to ourselves post date. Do we often still get overwhelmed or sad by how little time we get together, absolutely especially when they are still small. But we really value/need those date nights to force us to see each other without the noise. Hope you find a way to get some of that quality time.

[@shebatukes]

You both have such beautiful open communication. Thank you for being a great example of how you can have vulnerable conversations yet still maintain clear and compassionate communication.

[@simplybri3608]

I feel you on the hair aspect 😢 I’ve lost so much hair around my hairline! Edges are GONE due to postpartum and additional marital stress and definitely don’t feel pretty😩

[@T.H-v4h]

What marriage stress? I’m about to get married 😩

[@ashleya2178]

It's weird but I actually like the squarespace interjection commercials LOL

[@TaylorDobson-e5c]

would love to hear more from the both of you on the anger topic - especially if you grew up in homes where anger / shouting was more prevalent

[@mrsbluekiwi111]

seconding this, anger is a really tough emotion for me to navigate in romantic relationships

[@allos6585]

He is tired ..

[@yogaqueen1527]

He is more than tired, he seems checked out

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

​​@@yogaqueen1527Yes, he does look older and not fully there.

[@yogaqueen1527]

@@dumfriesspearhead7398 she sucked the youth and personality out of him lol

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

@@yogaqueen1527 It's a shame "Enjoy" ended. Jared needs something distinct of his own; he looked more alive and enthusiastic with "Enjoy" and doing his music. He's also a talented film maker. It looks like all of his talents are under the "Shared" umbrella (great name btw), which doesn't help matters.

[@akirasmiiith]

Y’all are so real and raw, I appreciate y’all ❤

[@deonrhodes8588]

Kids really do a number on relationships, my husband and I are going through that now, we are just holding on very very tight trying to get through to the other side.

[@osimeon00]

When you prioritize the kids, that's when the problems happen.

[@zeamporter9]

Love this video for a lot of reasons…but Shan and Jared have reconfigured my associations with the word INVESTMENT for the better…like I’m the name of black liberation and healing type of way So grateful for SHARED lol

[@Aloof_Buddha]

The fact that he's asking what you think could be different or improved on going forward is him acknowledging the lack of affirmation or good feedback he gets. Personally, I don't find my partner affirming my looks or physical things as affirmation at all, what would be nice to hear is that she's proud and admires things about me rather than you look good. But that just might be from the different ways men and women navigate the world.

[@EighteenAmazingApples]

We need more healthy conversations like these. It gives up hope in our own relationships and marriages. I hope to get here one day😊

[@tcrulez6969]

i love the cut shot to Shan wearing glasses and her first word was “yea” in the most gangster voice. love the video, yall doing amazing 🎉

[@naturallybeautiful9109]

I wish she could have learn to be strong enough to opt out…. She is in survival mode still with more responsibilities…. I hope she get there one day.

[@VC-pq3ui]

I appreciate this conversation but this seems so hard and non romantic. More reason for me to not be a working mom. Keep fighting for one another. Find the time for each other more!