You want the narcissist to SEE YOU, but they want you to READ THEIR MIND

[@nikola4986]

The best relationship with narcs is no relationship with them at all. Better alone then unhappy.

[@amyolmsted4004]

CORRECT

[@vpand321]

CORRECT

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

@@nikola4986 Amen! 🙏🏼😅

[@SylPaperworks]

En zo is het maar net.

[@sushmayen]

They don't see us or hear us. We only exist when they need us. Our needs go down the drain.

[@TrueBeautyD]

So true… only when they need us. But there’s No Honor in constantly being needed. It’s really, I need to use you, exploit you, abuse you, and or drain/destroy you.

[@NarcSurvivor]

They’re not concerned about you, other than just getting you to read their mind about what it is that they want from you. They want you to pacify and placate them, regulate their emotions, be their caretaker, make them feel better about themselves. Because they’re children in adult bodies. They cannot take care of themselves emotionally. Their parents never taught them how to self-regulate. Which is why they constantly cause chaos and drama. Because they want you to attend to them.

[@Summer_Harvest]

Thank you, it finally makes sense!

[@LJH662]

💯my mother. She took me down and didn’t care one bit

[@lindagrace2]

That’s very well explained however, the difference with a child is that a child will be placated, comforted and grow and develop. These people suck you dry, don’t grow or develop and never stop….

[@homefryniles3983]

So true, even if the narcissist is a law firm head, wealthy, intellectually gifted.

[@patrickbinford590]

They are stuck in drama and in denial that that is SO, because they are control FREAKS.

[@HyggeHomestead]

I laughed when you said whining & crying is cute in a baby but not in a 45 yr old man. So true 😂

[@Deepintent]

Or a 62 year old woman.

[@tijeraslack3]

Facts! 💯🙌🏾

[@ivy1913]

So honored to be able to bask in the collective wisdom and power of Dr. Ramani and this community. I can’t afford therapy at the moment, so these daily uploads and the Dr. Ramani network have been my lifeboat! One night I broke down in the shower - I was having a terrible day since we had been arguing all summer. UNSUPPORTIVE was his favorite word. HIS feelings took priority - his discomfort over my crying was more important and HE started to get sad. It turned into another night on the couch of me convincing myself each stirring in the bedroom was going to be him coming to scoop me up off the couch… So glad that’s over. Wish I didn’t have eye boogers still hanging on but it’s okay been a few months.

[@moniquejackson7741]

I tell everyone that Dr. Ramani's videos are the next best thing to therapy.

[@sueg2658]

Some narcissists not only EXPECT you can read minds and bingo bango their wishes are granted, However, the flip side is true too, they think they can read yours, but they will never admit it unless they slip up. Example: During a big fight my now ex narcissistic husband actually blurted out “I can read YOUR mind and it PISSES ME OFF!!” and I just laughed. Because IF he really read my mind, oh my, ! can’t even repeat what I was thinking, but I would be alone and happy. And I did eventually secure my freedom but it took 20+ years of living in terror.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Wow, so Brilliant. Had to immediately watch twice. If I had a dollar for every time I said, "How was I supposed to know that?" Needing and expecting attunement is normal, and it is NOT expecting people to read your mind. Never kick yourself for wanting to be seen as a separate entity. They are infants in adult bodies.

[@brightbite]

"You should know better!" I heard that nearly everyday of my life. Even though I was only an infant. Being an infant or a child was "no excuse" not to be able to mind read.

[@marysisak2359]

Again, I must ask if you are reading my mind. Again, you described my life experiences to a tee. Thank you, thank you for giving me a voice after all these decades. You are a God send.

[@misottovoce]

...or an 83 year old man! All this reminds me of what I was dealing with 10 years before this past March. I too, was the 'Invisible Woman'...until I was useful for him. I had to laugh when you said 'even on their deathbed' etc. That is exactly how it was and I did not expect anything different. The afternoon before he passed (put into a morphine deep sleep), I asked him if he had anything to say to me...and of course there wasn't. I just smiled and left the hospital room, afterall I was also the caregiver for my 94 yo mother who was at home. When I got the call that he had passed, I shed tears of relief...and not the grieving wife. He finally has his peace (from himself) and thank God so do I. Enjoying waking up every morning with a smile on my face. Life is Grand again!

[@ToBeALegacy]

This LITERALLY just happened. I wasn't included in a major purchase (bought and paid for) and when I spoke up for myself I was told I was being ridiculous, and it was implied I was also being selfish for my position of simply wanting to be included or at least having a discussion for my preferences and needs to be heard, since this purchase was only for me to use. This spiraled into multiple fights and after exhausting every example of if the shoe were on the other foot, I finally said "are you able to feel empathy in your spirit" there was No ANSWER! Then they said I forgive you for acting upset , I said I forgive you too for not taking my feelings into consideration - the fight started all over again. There is NO WINNING with a Narc. This could have gone so many ways but this time was a dumpster fire the whole time.

[@MelodyForeman-frmn17]

These videos have helped me a lot! For some reason, I seem to attract narcissistic people. Perhaps, it’s because I’m a compassionate, empathetic, forgiving person, and narcissistic people like to take advantage of that. But all I can say is, it is very emotionally draining! No matter how hard you try, they always make you feel like you’re never going to be good enough! I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t trust people and I’m afraid of letting people into my life, simply because I don’t want to be hurt again. So for the most part, I pretty much practice “no contact.” It’s comforting to know that I am not alone and that I am not seriously flawed, like so many narcissistic people had portrayed me to be! Thank you so much for these videos!

[@youngblood8540]

I wish narcissists could read my mind, the times I'm biting my tongue about things they do or say.

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

🙌🏼😆

[@Cthomas5678]

Absolutely

[@rundbaum]

'if i could read your mind love, what a tale that thought would tell' . . . good morning!!

[@misottovoce]

Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wisdom and support all these years!

[@SnorkfrökenKattsnack]

Merry Christmas to you all 🧑‍🎄

[@lockstar169]

I expect people to act their age and when they don't I just go silent. Watching a narcissist become momentarily aware of how ridiculous their behaviour is making them look, never seems to calm them does it? I'm doing nothing and saying nothing but it's MY fault that they are even MORE angry. Highlighting that a narcissist can't help themselves or stop themselves, takes little else.

[@julianterris]

When you look to them for attunement -they are liable to ignore your "neediness" -but if they *do* tune in, it's likely to be to "tune you" ie: *gaslight you* with their "interpretation" of the facts. The main reason they want to be your "editor" is to put the best possible spin (for them) on your "text". You do not need them; the sooner you realize that, the better off you will be.

[@gydscutroo9973]

“All of this is cuter from a baby than from a … well … 45 year old man.” Precious.

[@kimberleyhartley6631]

Dr. Ramani, thank you for making it plain as to how a narcissist wants you to exist for them, to read their mind. You are right. That is subjugation.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Double standards and hypocrisy are the foundations of a transactionship with a narcissist. Rights for me but not for thee. They treat others as their tools, not even servants or slaves. Expecting someone to read their minds is the ultimate gaslight there is!

[@devinjeffrey275]

It’s like she’s psychic or something wow 💯

[@moniquejackson7741]

Right? Narcs all have the same playbook. Like Dr. Ramani, when you have enough experience with them, you can predict every move.

[@homefryniles3983]

Yes, and....the narcissist wouldn't even agree "read my mind". From the narcissist's side, which is the only side of reality, it's more like, "pay attention to the truth ('me")".

[@shellysawchuk1190]

We are told we are selfish and uncaring and punished for it

[@PotsandPansWhatsPotsandPans]

I gave up on physical therapy not too long ago. I was determined to be honest and said I don't know when she asked me if I felt this or that. She didn't understand and said either you feel it or you don't. Imagine a life where it were that simple. I've never been allowed my own feelings. I've never been allowed to trust my own reality.

[@carolinethomas6562]

"We've a lot of attunement in the last 20 years," since "the day these stupid devices came into our lives..." Yes! Thank you.

[@arcturianoracle784]

It’s crazy and maddening that it varies. Never experienced that before (without obvious reason). So wild.

[@patrickbinford590]

If they didn't get it as children they don't know how to transcend what they didn't get.

[@chellotrevino7323]

Stop tryna justify it 😂

[@p.s.8171]

Truly one of the best videos I've ever seen on narcissists. On point, precise language and - subjectively - precisely matches my experiences. If you're anything different than a *perfect servant* - you're a disappointment for them. Of course if you are a perfect servant - you just barely get a pass - for the time being.

[@Ttingey01]

You hit this right on the head! Good points! Thx for sharing and Merry Christmas! ❤

[@JC.Realm7]

And what makes this even more crazy making is when all these other weak and pathetic people in your life serve the narcissist as flying monkeys - and gang up on gaslighting you and belittling your suffering.

[@PenninkJacob]

Brilliant and super insightful (again!) Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani!!!❤👍

[@The_green_zebra]

They want us to read their minds but they can not be bothered to think of anyone but themselves.

[@catherineseear7069]

I think I was set up to fail constantly in my 25 year relationship because I didn’t read his mind. I am still confused to this day.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

To read a narc mind you will probably combust pow - black ashes are left of you!

[@yukio_saito]

I left a job when the leader gaslighted me and expected me to read his mind. Mind-reading was out of my job description. 🏃💨💨

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Ty Dr. Ramani and everyone!! ❤

[@brendanmcbride6292]

They're empty. We need to let go of them. Forever.

[@GreenEnvy13]

I taught my child how to self-regulate. Problem was: whomever was brainwashing/grooming her behind my back was "COUNTER-PARENTING" (NOT Co-parenting) everything I taught with the exact OPPOSITE.💯💯💯©️

[@k.popper2620]

Boy, can I relate to your comment. Same situation for me.

[@juliebryson4998]

OMGoodness! This is so my husband. To a tee

[@patrickbinford590]

Ram Dass, aka Richerd Alpert, said his Sat Guru in India, Neem Karoli Baba, could LITERALLY read his and his fellow sanyasins minds, and this was THAT intense spiritual connection. I don't think that the guru in this case was expecting anybody to read his mind, although in cults with cult leaders, those cult leaders expect it, it's one's understanding. But in NORMAL everyday life, EXPECTING someone to read your mind is not realistic AT ALL. It creates incredible problems for the person who is expected to read minds. In order to be healthy before any idea of non-dualism, one needs to be a healthy separate individual. I realize this was/is getting into philosophy and spirituality and veering off, to perhaps an inordinate degree, from psychology, and the psychology of narcissism.

[@TheRealTSA]

Out of all the VERY helpful videos I’ve seen this helped me the most. For many years I’ve tried to predict the needs of others and predict what is acceptable or not. I also felt what I felt needed was selfish and not necessary for so many years. This is the first time ever I realized when I shared with someone that I needed them to get to know me versus giving unsolicited advice that I actually wasn’t being unreasonable but rather it the issue lied with them in giving unsolicited advice. Thank you Dr. Ramani!

[@cindynimmo]

Good luck, indeed.

[@ACH-t2z]

If a friend does not ask you why you are saying "No" to something, that is not the same as expecting them to read your mind.

[@ia9259]

I have old style handkerchieves as a memory of my tears. I got given so many like "don't cry it bothers me". Never a hug or how can I help? This video is difficult to watch for many of us I believe isn't it? I watch pause hahaa

[@FrancisFjordCupola]

Once had a person for which the description in the title is so entirely apt. Always felt like being forced to read a mind; but what was written there was in a foreign language. Always wondered what the issue was. "I am sitting here in front of you, why can't you not see that?"

[@ia9259]

Anybody else feeling ok when watching this because you understand better but crying so much after ? This is so painful. I only realized I had narcissistic family recently and I feel like I've been going through an earthquake. Was it better for me to know?

[@monogamousbonobo3923]

Yes! Its better for you to know. Now you know what you need to do in order to flourish, leave them behind. Do you, you're loved.

[@phyllisk6275]

Yes I have felt that way many times. The realization is very painful, but the knowledge is empowering & in some cases life saving. Knowing is very much worth it.

[@LJH662]

@@ia9259 if only my enabling family could see it. Instead they call the cops on me based on gaslight lies my narc mom told and now she moved away and went no contact on me which I was planning anyway but they all believe it’s best bc I’m the villain! THEY HAVE IT TOTALLY WRONG! I HAVE NO FAMILY LEFT BUT BETTER THAN FAKE FAMILY. THE NARC MOM BROUGHT IT ALL DOWN FOR ME. THEY GO ON AS IF IM CRAZY AND NOTHING ELSE TO SEE HERE

[@ia9259]

@@monogamousbonobo3923 Thank you so are you :)

[@ia9259]

@@phyllisk6275 well I hope it'll be then :) thank you

[@a.m.126]

I realized that as well. Like they wanted me to get to their frequency to know them, it was like a must; I called it a forced reaction. So they are there, and they think my only job is in the situation of knowing their action and giving a reaction. I forbade myself from giving a reaction to them. And more than that, I realized they want us to be competing with their inner algorithm. So like they would need a twin.Or a good side to theirs.Sickness.

[@sharonjones7138]

Awesome video!!!! It’s me with narcissistic mother as I was growing up, & now with covert narcissistic father. I was doomed from birth 🥺💔. But- as I watch your videos, I’m learning, healing, growing & thriving. I’m using the tools you outline to know how to respond to him, until I can leave this living space.

[@Plumduff3303]

Brilliant ❤

[@desilu-stage9]

I'm reading IT'S NOT YOU. I separated from my husband. He told me he was a widower since 2012. He is not. Does his first wife have a right to know this egregious lie?

[@moniquejackson7741]

Would you tell a stranger that they are being taken advantage of and in danger? She may not even want to hear it if the Trauma Bond is strong.

[@desilu-stage9]

I think I would be more fearful for my safety if he finds out I told her.

[@moniquejackson7741]

@@desilu-stage9 That's a legit consideration too.

[@DeniseHammer-g9q]

The narcissist sees but his pride dismisses you maybe because he doesn’t know what to do or simply because he does not care and they really don’t want to make the shift to change

[@DadHominem]

Or they gaslight you with "well, we talked about this..." when you know damn well they never brought it up. My answer to gaslighting is always "no". I'm not going to play their little manipulative games.

[@dianamiller2947]

This! Then they make you out to look crazy to others, claiming you already knew, had thoroughly discussed it, etc.

[@k.popper2620]

​@@dianamiller2947💯

[@HilyBean]

I try and try and try to do what they want me to do, knowing what's really going on but still hopeful that one day something will switch in their brain and they'll understand and stop being narcissistic and abusive. With all the research I've done, and even if I choose radical acceptance, I still bounce back to hope. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that a narcissist can't unlearn those toxic patterns and just be happy.

[@Ttingey01]

I was just used to regulate emotion the other day and I almost had a nervous breakdown or heart attack. It was awful and very scary!!

[@a.m.126]

They once phoned me on the phone, and I believe they asked a ridiculous inquiry that had nothing to do with my reality. They seemed to want me to join them, but I informed my mind that I should not as I am my own dog, not theirs. They'll seek to control my own spirit instead if I join them. Only interpretable reality should be connected to. Otherwise, narcissists or worse, untrustworthy individuals take over and authority is lost.

[@kkryz]

I've been in a fog but these videos have been really helpful. Thank you. I'll likely watch them again when some of this fog lifts.

[@andron967]

I think I'm beyond the relationships with the main types of narcissists. My healing is different than my original goals. I saw myself as damaged and wanted to heal the damage. But narcissists are part of the environment. I've adapted and grown and learned to thrive. I suppose that this was a necessity in the relms of spiritual growth.

[@anitah3258]

My mother had literally told me that if I loved her, I would read her mind and give what she wanted (even when she didn'tknow what she wanted). There was no subliminal messaging in our house, she told me that every time she was unhappy in her life.

[@mohammednasir3156]

Here i come 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ to my safe space

[@eleonorepoppy6904]

Tout ceci est parfaitement exact et bien expliqué. Cela explique que leurs crises de rage sont complètement inattendues pour nous. Un évènement anodin peut déclencher une tempête et l'aspect totalement imprévisible de cette crise rend l'événement très perturbant, glaçant et finit par nous rendre malade.

[@bonniecarter7358]

This makes me wonder if I’m the narcissist. Or just don’t care if he’s a separate person or not.

[@thathippiechick6074]

I could really use a video about the difference is narcissistic personality disorder and autism. I have autism but people seem to treat me like a narcissist because of it and it’s been extremely difficult for myself to manage

[@bq1424]

God. I think my mother is a Narcissist. I actually DID used to try to / assume to “read people’s mind” at school when they were NASTY TO ME.

[@Pamela-k5u]

They don't know how to communicate directly with you. I've also noticed they use objects to convey their feelings. Which to me is very strange. They leave a certain something out, instead of just talking to you. Trying to figure out what's going on in their minds is impossible.

[@fernandoalegria4240]

I love my wife. She is a classic narcissist. She takes xlnt care of me. I ignore her outburst on a regular basis, but how can I tell if she is even capable of truly lloving me.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Dr. Ramani has a whole series of videos on this that should help: www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani/search?query=do%20narcissists%20truly%20love

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

If she’s a narcissist she’s not going to love you.but if your comfortable with her what the hay. At least know what you’re dealing with.

[@kenishahammond3935]

She can’t love you, because she doesn’t love herself! Save yourself before it’s too late. Run!!!! 🏃

[@fernandoalegria4240]

@@kenishahammond3935 We've been married for 47 yrs. Sometimes one doesn't get what they want, but get what they need. Fortunate in life, will take care and love her till the end. She rescued me when I was young, cannot abandon her now.

[@MichaelPiz]

Story of my life, this one, from my parents (especially my mother) to my (now ex) wife. Between the two of them, they've driven my children and grandchildren from me because _I'm_ the bad guy for not submitting to their every (nearly always) unstated wish.

[@lisbethchristensen1981]

🏆 Awesome Video ❤️ Thank You.

[@KristenHarrison-s5k]

A+ as usual

[@marioVSN]

"You should have seen _situation or thing_ " is always in my narc mother vocabulary... Never what I did was enough and never was right.. I was always berated that "I should have been 'proactive'" and anticipate what she wanted me to do, without her actually saying what she wanted/expected... So tiresome...

[@kkryz]

I came across an old Twitter account of a loved one that had schizophrenia today. I had not seen this one before. I had seen one but not this one. She was writing messages to Anderson Cooper asking if he could please send officials to rescue us. In one message she wrote that her family is listed under missing persons.

[@kkryz]

I did a Google search of her name before and found the one Twitter account. I was logged into Twitter and decided to search her name there and other accounts of hers showed up.

[@kkryz]

I do remember she mentioned something before about if stalkers follow her when she's going to visit family (another city) and was worried about family. She must've thought family was on missing persons.

[@kkryz]

I also remember when she was waiting for people to show up and rescue us. Some things she said then. She also wasn't sleeping much then. Waiting up... sitting in her chair watching out the window. I was sleeping on the couch in the livingroom then and I remember waking up in the night and she would notice and start to talk to me about things again.

[@kkryz]

It is really terrible what that disease does. Felt sad seeing those messages.

[@kkryz]

She wrote the actual home address at the time on Twitter.

[@OGRocker1]

Con's way or Hell to pay... So tired of her way.... Thanks Doc !!!

[@carolynlamar8079]

Thank you❤

[@julieemmons9033]

Well I’ve had atunement and mind reading confused for years then. Becuz it was always the narc saying he couldn’t read my mind when my thoughts were obvious, and accusing me of reading his mind incorrectly, yet not offering clarity. “What are you a mind reader now? I’ve been drowning in Narcissism all my life, and I’m the one who thought that “ reading my mind” was pretty transparent. Easy - peezy. My bad!

[@Thechrome22dome]

Narcissistic is more spiritual malaise rather than only mental health issue my opinion sarcasm (Satan language)is opposite of rebuke (God's language)

[@Noneofitt]

Thank you

[@sabat8068]

100% truth

[@ithinkthat]

I know this is off topic but what do you do when the narcissist is a therapist, marries your son and then weaponizes their knowledge to destroy a once beautiful and caring relationship between you and your son?

[@Lepielo]

I'm not Proffesor Axivier

[@GregMunro]

A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@vpand321]

CORRECT

[@DamonvanDerSalm]

If I had a nickel for Everytime I told my wife I can't read her mind ..

[@LarsOutzen]

so it is like an NT that does not tune in to my autistic experience, hence never sees me for who I am? But only sees what I am lacking?

[@rayajayce2034]

People can’t read your mind. I was raised by an autistic person. Many behaviors of autism can share similarities with narcissism. And it is possible for individuals to receive dual diagnosis of each. My childhood was nightmarish. She only seemed to identify me as a separate thinking feeling human being once I was moved out for some time and in my 20’s.

[@ericalbright7210]

Christine Albright "BRILLIANT VIDIO "💖"!... "SPOT ON "💖!... "MARRY CHRISTMAS "🎄!... "THANK YOU "🎄!... "+"!...

[@craigmerkey8518]

💯

[@IleenBallantyne-v4n]

When they leave do they do it to the next man or woman?

[@lindagrace2]

i’m pretty sure the answer to that is a yes.

[@kathryncothern3433]

Absolutely!!! It’s a repeating pattern since it’s part of their being.

[@kathryncothern3433]

Absolutely!!! It’s a repeating pattern since it’s part of their being / personality. They won’t ever change.

[@Muscplayr]

Yes they do. It’s the only way they know how to be. It’s not you. Seems like we’ve heard this before, maybe a book title ...😊

[@PeppermintPatties]

I would say yes, too. They aren't able or willing to change, and if they don't change, the same thing will happen again...

[@beripafi]

Weird thing is you’re the worst person ever existed and yet they are with you / like if you forced them to/ they are in contradiction with theirselves. They are the worst caracteres existed as far as i know, even if they’re not combined with other layers of PD. They’re like androids, and do not carry any soul particle. What to say. May karma saves us all❤

[@parisahasanzade972]

Hi dear ramani I want permission from you for translating your videos to persian language. Can I have a permission? Don't you have any problem? I will translate your real videos to persian

[@Natalie-lf7hb]

Yes fromm certain angke it is absolutely aValid and Recommendable and quite accurate staement the videotitle. However i do think i would be able to make a satisfying offer nevertheless. For the lucky party to be able ro make and close the deal tto our mutual satisfaction . Naturally with some exceptions but they just cant vevhapoy seeing so many others being happy which i wonder if that is really dealbreaking or hsomething for us to be concerned about. They hate for no valid reason no matter what . So we can chose to be productive ad at least do a taks. While they are hating anyway. So sad when you think of it.

[@J40JesusIsLord]

If you could read a narcissist's mind-would you really want to?

[@ACH-t2z]

Does anyone know if Dr. Ramani's videos over the past year, including this one, are a part of a larger series on another platform?

[@PinkSunflower-q1x]

❤

[@marcusxsara8896]

🙏🏾🤎✌🏾🪷

[@merlinwizard1000]

40th, 21 December 2024

[@ACH-t2z]

I don't care about being seen by the "narcissist." I am also concerned for the "narcissist's" health because this "process" is inhumane and it is painful to observe their suffering. I want to repair the dynamic between me and the "narcissist" before being studied. I have other ways and resources for being seen. I don't see this video as helpful, but it must be being used to help others, which sickens me frankly.

[@caroleminke6116]

You’re trying to become their permanent mother 😉 exactly where they want you!

[@ACH-t2z]

@@caroleminke6116Frankly, I don't look at my situation in terms of who gets what and where they want me. I guess it can be healing to some people to keep the "narcissists" from being in a position to get what they want. The only people who come to mind when I think of "narcissists" in my life are people who are not trying to have a place in my inner circle much anymore anyway. In my situation, it feels like enough cards are on the table unless there are other "narcissists" in my inner circle whom I don't know about.

[@jenniferwaidelich642]

Yep!!!!! All of this.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Thank you ❤

[@vpand321]

CORRECT