Your Ex Doesn't Value You The Only Way To Get Them To Change

[@thadeadmusic]

When did relationships become so complicated? Social dynamics, imbalances, investment... It's a lot to sift through

[@therealyou5824]

I know, my goodness.... so exhausting!!

[@travis6694]

It’s because of the type of modern day narcissism, people want a lot without giving much.

[@williamdolan7189]

Relationship have always been complicated if they are healthy and actually last

[@ReneiYarrow]

Because most of the time people don’t have to stay in an unhappy one anymore because of finances or societal expectations.

[@stevenfrazer2929]

I'm working out and keeping myself in a healthy lifestyle change.. seems that helps a lot..

[@gemmahoang1162]

Lol same and growing my hair longer lol

[@kathyglass2922]

@@gemmahoang1162 rightt with you. Grew my hair long, highlighted it. Wearing dresses and heels. Losing weight, but need to start working out.

[@JitterBob]

Clay your videos are by far the best of any ex help videos I’ve seen. So much more genuine. Love the fact that you emphasize not using mind games.

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks for the kind words. I sincerely appreciate that. :-)

[@robertocartagena7776]

Thank you for everything, but I don’t think I’m getting her back. It was a great run and you definitely helped me heal, but it’s time to face the truth and let go of the fantasy.

[@markai2002]

Any updates? What happened?

[@gemmahoang1162]

You are def reading my mind at moment on where I am with my ex 🙂

[@therealyou5824]

Ugh, Clay... :( this is so tough. My ex doesn't value me at all, really crazy how he can't see what he had...

[@itsnancyy21]

Than it’s his lost. Move forward and not not on. Start to enjoy life with or without him. Leave it to the universe love. I’ve seen you on Clays comments for a while.

[@therealyou5824]

@@itsnancyy21 Thank you Nancy. You're right, it is his loss. I think I need to heal and grow and be with myself and God for a while. I'm holding on because moving forward is kinda scary at the moment. :(

[@nickb3463]

I know the feeling. Remember the days my ex Adored me. Realize she has narcissistic tendencies and was just love bombing

[@chonkybenetgods]

I read your comment from his previous videos. I read that you two got back but it seems like you're problematic again.

[@therealyou5824]

@@chonkybenetgods yeah... We were resolving some things, until he told me he's seeing someone and blocked me out of the blue :/

[@ChiliCheeseGuy7]

"Hey, it seems like you're not in a place right now where you are free to talk. Thats totally alright. I'll let you go and we can catch up later when you have some more time"

[@kathyglass2922]

Powerful.

[@jaxxie_]

I reached out to my ex partner trying to understand, communicate and work things out. With multiple online friends involved, 'friends' that never met myself nor her, think that they know what is best for her and our relationship. It became so chaotic and so confusing with mind games and gossip. I still don't understand. 😔

[@okujiruth9991]

Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......🌹🌹🌹

[@okujiruth9991]

†18188561768⏭⏯???????🌹🌹

[@okujiruth9991]

Wha ts A pp👆, 🌹🌹

[@DL-vibes]

I work out. I adventure. I have soooo many qualities that make me a good complement but haven’t met my match. My ex didn’t choose me and it makes me sad cause I saw him as my person and compliment. I guess we start over. Oh well.

[@_rabia_demir_]

You are sooooo smart Clay! This really helped me, thank you so much for the insight!

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks!

[@EmoJoshSavesTheWorld]

Clay, could you make a video about how to handle the issue where all of your ex's friends have negative feelings toward you (they don't even know me, they just hate me or laugh at me because of what she's told them). And because they have this opinion of you, they are influencing your ex to not like you either? My ex seems to be pretty forgiving. She definitely doesn't forget though. But she does seem to forgive and try to work with everyone to have the best of both worlds. However, she has this pride that is keeping her from telling her friends to stop hating on me. And because of this pride, her friends are influencing or enabling her to disrespect me. For example, my ex and I were getting along great. We had been on a couple hangouts and things were getting closer and closer to Crisis Point. Then her friends found out we were talking again. And a new person came into the picture that hates my guts (he's psychotic, that's all I can say) and befriended my ex just so he can start shit. Anyway, those friends and this person managed to convince my ex to erase all the good, positive changes and moments we have spent recently and instead focus entirely on hating on me, like saying I'm manipulative, that I'm a simp, that I'm just begging for her back. Keep in mind, I never said or did anything other than what you advise us to do in your videos Clay. But these people came and convinced her I'm a "home wrecker" (she has a bf, but she had already confided in me that they were having issues). The result of all this was for her to blame me for her relationship problems and turn on me when I didn't do anything wrong. Like I said before, my ex is pretty forgiving but she's very easily influenced by the negative people in her life right now. How do I navigate that?

[@ClayAndrews]

We can't change other people but you can focus on your circle of influence, which is your ex. Show her that you have changed, be consistent. No matter how her friends influence her, if she continuous to see the changes in you- she will start to reassess and doubt what she has believed about the old you.

[@kathyglass2922]

Dude, you are right. Her friends don't like you because of what she tells them about how she is feeling about you. You can always know how she feels about you based on how they treat you. Don't blame them. They are telling you what she is to afraid to say.

[@CoastieForTheRoad]

My ex and I are choosing to be friends because I am not happy with him romantically and we have started having problems since he started college, but today we hung out as friends and he kissed me a few times and touched my chest before he left. He drove me to help me take a test at my college and bought me food. I’m confused and just this morning I cried to him telling him we can’t continue romantically because there is a lot of unsure feelings and he can’t open up to me anymore.

[@stevenfrazer2929]

You are my savior clay!

[@Giovanni-01]

The last one,I'm definitely gonna try. Usually when she starts giving short replies I'll just mirror her and when she stops responding,I'll stop texting.

[@okujiruth9991]

Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......🌹🌹🌹

[@okujiruth9991]

†18188561768⏭⏯???????🌹🌹

[@okujiruth9991]

Wha ts A pp👆, 🌹🌹

[@mattladds7502]

Clay, This is the exact position I'm in right now! Finally started to talk to my ex yesterday at a mutual meeting place, after 3 weeks of no contact, just giving her space to accept that I'm not chasing her. I was measured in my responses to her and limited my questions back, so as to ensure an even, if not with her contributing and engaging more. This had her scrambling a little to keep the conversation going. It was a nice turn of events... just wondering if it's now possible for me to make contact in a few days or a week, in a small way, to re-engage the conversation?

[@roeun.ralyboth]

Long time no see, u got new cam now!!!!

[@getfedministries6399]

Clay u just confirmed that, I am a fall back plan. Ugh.. I cheated on my ex 13yrs ago. He called me after 13yrs. A few months after my husband died. Just to try and use me for sex. He won't tell me he wants space. I'm doing no contact because, I can't deal with rollercoaster. U are awesome!!. God bless!

[@travis6694]

So you cheated and you are upset he is using you for sex?

[@getfedministries6399]

@@travis6694 13years ago. I just can't hold a grudge that long. And, am scared of anyone who can let someone emotionally control them for 13yrs. But, I just left the door open for my ex. And, stated that he could call me when he is ready for a real friendship. He suggested no benefits, when I wouldn't adhere to HIS rules. When he stated "no rules" and regulations. I dont have time for power struggle and games.

[@getfedministries6399]

@@travis6694 I'm not up set at all.

[@travis6694]

@@getfedministries6399 weak of him to take back a cheater, you should move on.

[@getfedministries6399]

It is not weak not to love someone. That's not a weakness at all. That's is strength. I admire my ex and wish him the best. He is the reason I was married for 10 glorious years. And, never cheated in my marriage. He won't allow himself to see the new me, not the adolescent me. And, I can't abide in his non growth. So u think I should Gravel? Clay said not to do that..lol

[@MiguelRuiz-db6xu]

Hey man, followed everything you shared. No contact and all that stuff. But unfortunately, it looks like she doesn't want to go back via her actions online. :/

[@ClayAndrews]

Have you talked to her? Let's not be fooled by what people post on social media. It would be better to reach out and work on regaining the emotional connection. No contact isn't a magic pill. You need to reconnect with her.

[@MiguelRuiz-db6xu]

@@ClayAndrews I did and she's avoiding me by cutting the convos short most of the time. I'm not sure what I could do at this current situation

[@danscott2059]

@@MiguelRuiz-db6xu It's a horrible situation to be in, and it's gut wrenching. My WIFE left me 6 months ago, with our three kids and moved into her new Monkey Branches home in Michigan. I had very little notice. We talk sometimes for the kids, but to see my love of my life and co-agreed soulmate, not only abandon me, our love and relationship and devote her life to this new guy is as painful as it could be. I thought we were so close, so tight and shared an even stronger bond. I was wrong!!!. Once "Limerence" set in, she was gone, removed and doesn't appear to be looking back at all. 11 years together, and just days before her and our kids were just supposed to be going on "vacation", my lil girl (5) say's to me, "I'm moving to Michigan, and I'm going to have a new daddy". Well, they did. My entire family, my life is now living thousands of miles away. They're even engaged. This was NOT how life was supposed to be. They get to carry on in a brand new relationship, as we sit back and sift thru the ashes of a love once made for storybooks. How can one treat a spouse, and dedicated father so terribly, and seemingly without reason??? It's just mind boggling...

[@MiguelRuiz-db6xu]

@@danscott2059 Sorry to hear that sir :((

[@ineanna]

@@danscott2059 hold on Dan! I feel for you. I have sth similar in my life, i know i will learn to love myself more oneday. Please you too give a try to give your love to yourself.🌺 best!

[@ChiliCheeseGuy7]

" hey if you're not in a good place to talk right now, or if there's something going on that's causing you to feel uncomfortable talking with me, let me know. And if you need some space, that's totally cool. I'm not going to try to and force anything if it's not there"

[@wunnybloopz]

Thanks so much Clay

[@brianwang1173]

Thank you Clay! This helped me a lot

[@ClayAndrews]

You're very welcome!

[@gitanjali91]

To the point!!

[@daniellehtinen584]

Hi clay, my scenario is weird. We aren’t together but not “just friends”. I still have house key, we still talk and see each other. I’ve made meaningful changes, she says she sees it. No games, pure authenticity. There was a secret though and I messed up but I did not commit infidelity. However she is hurt and having issues with healing. We had some turmoil prior to break up and she says we still have a future but she is non intimate right now. I believe this is “riding the dragon phase”?

[@splitzyentertainment7995]

That's a fuxked situation to be in tbh not gonna lie to you

[@chrismcevoy2503]

Why is love so complicated Clay?

[@ClayAndrews]

I wish there was a single answer to this question. But I see it as a challenge for the relationship that if a couple can survive will make them stronger.

[@ChiliCheeseGuy7]

"Hey it seems like you're not available to talk right now. It seems like you might be a little uncomfortable to talk with me right now. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, so if there's something going on, please let me know. If it's all in my head on the other hand no worries.

[@gemmahoang1162]

I'm actually doing this already he does this quiet times so I just let him go. Cause we do have good conversations and then wen hes watching football I do let him be .

[@okujiruth9991]

Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......🌹🌹🌹

[@okujiruth9991]

†18188561768⏭⏯???????🌹🌹

[@okujiruth9991]

Wha ts A pp👆, 🌹🌹

[@kellyblake7321]

Why ex wants to stay friends but is being very hot and cold towards me, as in will reach out and ask me how I've been and be super positive on some occasions and then other times takes up to a few days to respond to my messages. I'm trying to do what you said and just ride the dragon in the hopes that it will get better. But how long should I wait? I feel like he doesn't value me and I don't want to just keep putting up with that. I want to still be there for him since I know he's going through a lot rn but I also need to stand up for myself and for what I deserve and idk how to do both.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Kelly, Remember that your well-being is important as well in the process. You don't have to let yourself fall short because you are wanting to have someone back. Always keep your values in check is the person that you are trying to get back with still fits your list.

[@chilloften]

I don’t have this kind of time, nor patience. It needed to happen before I wised up to alone=all one. 😂

[@ClayAndrews]

It is only telling you that the relationship that just ended isn't really worth your sacrifices and efforts.

[@shikhadrimahanta7193]

Hie Clay, can you please make a video where you explain how we need to interact at their 5 different stages? I find the 5 stages but not exactly what to do after "Riding the dragon" stage. Please help!

[@HonerableG]

New beginnings

[@okujiruth9991]

Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......🌹🌹🌹

[@okujiruth9991]

†18188561768⏭⏯???????🌹🌹

[@okujiruth9991]

Wha ts A pp👆, 🌹🌹

[@anuragkhobragade7788]

💙

[@lucystokes57]

My ex is in another relationship and they have been together about 2 months he occasionally texts me asking how I’m doing but replies back very late. I don’t know why he texts me.

[@omaralvarez3564]

I wouldn’t text him back at all if he has another girl

[@ClayAndrews]

He could be in a rebound relationship and still wants to reconnect. You can reconnect with him but make sure you know how to draw your boundaries.

[@runer007]

Is it a pimple you have under the nose to the right?

[@sandradominguez8895]

I can't stand those facial expressions. Make you feel as tho you are fake.

[@ClayAndrews]

We understand that each person has their own impression or perception over someone. We respect your opinion. We hope you are having a great day and stay safe. :-)

[@ineanna]

@@ClayAndrews hello, after binge watching your videos, i feel like i know you a bit. Kinda thinking, ah what happened him today? Or he seems happy😊 i dont know why, but feels like a friend doesnt know me 😁