My Ex Is Confused What Should I Do?

[@ClayAndrews]

Thank you for watching this video. I hope that you're having a good day and that you have a great weekend. Remember to take care of yourself first and foremost, because you may be the only one out there looking out for your own needs.

[@sofias4145]

Hi clay! Great video!! Its what I am going through right now. with my ex. In the video you mention the grey area where the couple reconnects and builds up...how long does this usually last? How long is the healthy timeline of the grey area?? Me and my ex have been seeing each other like a couple almost for about a month now....going on dates, sleepoever, interacting with friends etc..I don't want to rush it but things are going well... When we first were together it took maybe 4-5 months to fully commit. I am treating this reconnection as a new relationship and since it took us 4-5 months to commit when we first started dating 2 years ago i don't want to rush things....how long do you suggest to stay in the gray area??

[@msenekra6702]

Confusion is a person’s truth... allow them to figure out what they want and not for anyone to push your own needs/wants on them. Choose your truth and know your worth and what you bring to the table. Choose you and love your self... a person can’t give what they don’t have.

[@JAXTWIN]

Dope.

[@dilfwillnard5957]

I’m going through this right now. She said she isn’t 100% sure it’s a permanent breakup or not. It’s driving me crazy, so I ceased all communication with her to just see what happens.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

Take care of yourself first makes perfect sense.

[@Silent_beautyy]

I just texted my ex today and let them know I don’t think it’s a good idea to be friends and we should just stop communicating... it’s frustrating but I’m starting to slow grow away from him and the games and taken interest elsewhere

[@NoDripp2]

It gets mentally exhausting waiting on someone who clearly doesn’t have the same feelings it’s crazy how some ex’s think they r entitled to holding up someone’s love life is sad

[@senzayyy]

This man deserves more likes than hes getting smh...

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks, King. ;-)

[@serenitygilles7064]

ty clay just had this talk . I couldn't do the back and forth anymore

[@Tita-n1z]

Your videos are so great. Thank you so much for all of your valuable information. This helps us figure out where our other persons is coming from and what they are going through. God Bless

[@mohamedyousif5628]

I wish I watched this video 1 year ago, it could save me a lot of sadness and energy

[@ClayAndrews]

It's never too late to make positive changes still. Remember whatever changes that you will be having, it's for your self as much as it is for the other people. ;-)

[@ClayAndrews]

It's never too late to make positive changes still. Remember whatever changes that you will be having, it's for your self as much as it is for the other people. ;-)

[@almalopez5676]

I sooo needed this video! Me and my ex are in talking stage after 8 months of no contact and it seems like it’s getting back in that circle. Im pulling away for now.

[@michaelvega3669]

Update?

[@NewyJon7787]

Give them the breakup, no contect will sort it out.

[@Sai3495]

My ex is like this. We had a date, talked, she was like I dont wanna see you, then kept talking to me, then we got together, broke up with me after 3 months but still talked and we hanged out, got back together, now its been a 1.5 years she broke up with me again. Still text me, asks my opinion etc, im like, fuck it, i dropped her stuff off at her place. doesn't talk to me as much but does reply to my Social media.🙄 Literally I been the best to her specially in communication, Much older than her. Whatever at this point.

[@eirekraut9423]

Dude.... I'm living this exact scenario!

[@h3arty]

I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS, CLAY!!! Amazing and really inspiring me in many ways. thank u!!

[@dialecticalspectacle]

Start 1:00

[@joannedomingo2398]

Thank you ❤ I needed to hear this 😢

[@Nokutizu]

Thank you very much for the Advice! I’ve been in the cycle of my ex being confused for weeks. I’ve done the mistake of responding to his messages from time to time but I’ve mainly been doing my best to take my time to reply to them. (as in….I take plenty of hours before replying) and when I do…I write him very coldly and straight to the point. -I’m not sure if that’s a good thing I’m doing…- but that’s how I’ve been dealing with the Confusion of my ex. I’m gonna try to reply even-less to see if that makes a diference…I feel bad when I ignore him but…this whole thing has been hurting me for awhile now. :,(

[@christinemanning6536]

Omg Clay, this is SUPER DYNAMIC advice! Love it!! So ready to implement!

[@ClayAndrews]

Glad it was helpful! ;-)

[@jocelyncruz1739]

I have been in that situation when my ex is confused he said that its not the right time for him for a relationship..if i watched this video earlier maybe we talk about it..its been a month..I love him so much I want him back. What will I do Clay

[@shawntee.8461]

Clay, I chose to leverage this technique, it was hard, really hard for me to do so. At this point of course I don't know what's gonna happen, for sure, but thank you, you've been of great help with these videos throughout these past few months.

[@alexsears1898]

Update???

[@terencefletcher8928]

My ex complained that I was not giving her enough space when we separated, and that I shouldn’t text her. When I asked why she hadn’t blocked my calls and texts, she said she didn’t want to go that far, and I’m still trying to work out what she act does want.

[@okujiruth9991]

Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together......

[@okujiruth9991]

Wh atsA p p👆

[@karlmm8738]

It sounds like fall back guy, I'm in that position myself I think buddy

[@shawntee.8461]

Can you use the one way spikes if they've been hot and cold, kinda a mix between test drive and riding the dragon, while they're in a rebound relationship? Sometimes is breadcrumbing me and others we have really substantial conversations, but wind up in the same place.

[@chilloften]

I lived in the country for a bit, I could lay out in the nude in my back yard surrounded by a wall of nature. I adore no neighbors able to see in. That was the best, along with gardens.

[@LeafsIn2025]

Excellent! Thank you, Clay. Happy house hunting! 🏡💖

[@iamseebabhatia]

I love this!! I think I may be beyond this point but just in case 1. You want us to not in a relationship? Is that right 2. Ok are you sure you want us to not talk anymore; like you really want it to be done once and for all 3. Enforce boundary: where I'm at right now is I want a relationship and I'm hoping I was able to be in a relationship with you but if that's not what you want that's ok (validate them). But I hope if it's ok if I go date other people 4. Ok then maybe we should end things between you and I. Is that ok? You have to enforce boundary to make them think about their consequences

[@serenitygilles7064]

ty! Great notes:)

[@serenitygilles7064]

don't forget the friends part

[@ImmanentizeTheEschaton]

Clay, your videos are great. Your tips are great and probably work really well for most people. But gosh darn it people with Avoidant attachment or Disorganized attachment are all over the map! I pulled out the spike strip.. I got blocked!

[@couldstrife1]

I don’t really know if my ex is confused, she’s dating someone new and told our friend that he’s taking her places without her asking and that he went to 12 different book stores to find her favourite book and that I wouldn’t of done that. Says she feels nothing when we have hugged previously. And that she doubts I was going to ask her to marry me and i was just saying it to get her back. It seems like she’s trying to show me as the bad guy in all this but she’s the one who “woke up one day looked at me and she was done” so I just don’t know anymore

[@athenahanah]

what about when you provide them with yes and no questions, their answer is always, "if you want" "That's fine." "you can do whatever you want" etc and never a direct yes or no

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

update?

[@Godlytoe71]

I hate when they do that

[@mikehindrix7968]

From my understanding they just wanna keep around for a back up

[@ClayAndrews]

It really depends on the dynamics and how you both had worked on strengthening the newfound foundation.

[@emilymann4056]

HI Clay Andrews, my ex decided to be friends with me, but i can feel my ex still has feelings for me even though he wants to be friends. it feels like where going on dated and he evern cooked for me. Here's where it gets confusing, is the no contact rule Not necessary?

[@SAMEntalhealth]

You remind my of myself with the kindness

[@zolita4112]

I know of a lady powerful,she help me too

[@stopmotionerstudios483]

Hey I’ve going through a breakup, and just came out out of no contact and started texting my ex. Our first conversation was decent at first, but she pulled away and went dry. However, after a few days, later she started to come along and contact me. She’s still been kinda dry ( not to much ) but I stayed upbeat and positive and she started to act more upbeat. This was all great but now I think she going back distant 🤨 she’s read my text but hasn’t responded. It was a funny video that I knew she found funny. What’s does this mean? And what should I do?

[@rubyburrell3824]

Good advise

[@travelingman9]

What changed? What’s happening? She said idk, one day I just woke up and didn’t care anymore. About anything. That crushed me. I’m curious if her new antidepressants are causing this emotional numbing. She was put on Effexor, cold Turkey’d Prozac then 8 days later completely numb zombie & ended it.

[@jeezymay]

Gold.

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks Joshua!

[@mariusdanciu5307]

we live together the house is in the name of both of us, we kept smart contact for 2 months, until today when from a discussion it degenerated into a quarrel, she took things and moved to her mother, what better way to make her give a message that I'm sorry for yesterday or to stay in no contact we have been together for 23 years, she wants to divorce, any advice would be of great use to me urgently

[@sofias4145]

Hi clay! Great video!! Its what I am going through right now. with my ex. In the video you mention the grey area where the couple reconnects and builds up...how long does this usually last? How long is the healthy timeline of the grey area?? Me and my ex have been seeing each other like a couple almost for about a month now....going on dates, sleepoever, interacting with friends etc..I don't want to rush it but things are going well... When we first were together it took maybe 4-5 months to fully commit. I am treating this reconnection as a new relationship and since it took us 4-5 months to commit when we first started dating 2 years ago i don't want to rush things....how long do you suggest to stay in the gray area??

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

updateeee

[@jf1456]

What if I kept being in that position because I didn't use the strategy and she now has a rebound to which she is engaged after knowing him really for like two months

[@Noelle77]

My ex is with a new person, yet we connect very well daily but she goes back and forth between being open, connected, feeling like there’s an emotional connection. However, next week she will be on guard again. Making sure it’s all just very friendly. Why do they just not admit they are confused? When it’s quite obvious there behaviour seems confusing?

[@guccihello4046]

Hello Clay i have bought your ex program and recomend it to the others that did not have bought it. But i have a question om in test drive and when i talk to my ex she somtimes just goes cold and off and she still sometimes get memories off the past and i have taken your Lessons about the advanced skills like the 2 magic but is there some other thing that could help me get out of test drive and what should i do when she get memories about the past that was bad. Thanks

[@anish4651]

Me and my ex have been on and off for 7 years , there i dont think she can commit but literally there has been multiple times in the last years where she said we were never getting back together or doing anything and then she would come back so I feel like she will but I dont know , we both have alot of baggage involving each other, I want it to work out because we have a child and he avidly expresses he wants the 3 of us together and after time apart we both forget the pain in the past and we have a really great time but she's to scared of getting hurt again and honestly I am too after being back for a while the resentment and trauma comes back up for both of us so its only ever good for so long and I know if that was gone we would have a good relationship but I dont know if thats actually a possibility

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Anish, anything can be possible. But for you to achieve your goal, you and your ex needs to work together as a team in this process as well.

[@lakshitareddy44]

When people leave us Do they really come back ? And if they do, what ensures that they won't leave again?? If someone belongs to you Why do they leave at the first place?

[@rickj7541]

I told my ex who is in a rebound relationship. I told her either me or him they said I have a lot to think about.

[@beardman490]

Any updates?

[@rickj7541]

@@beardman490 I stop saying that to her and now we been hanging out a lot. She said she chooses me and she is trying to brake the news to him that she wants to brake up.

[@Jo-gf6ii]

How would I extend a golden bridge? What kind of thing would I say?

[@yeuruuerueeheue]

“let me know if you change your mind”

[@mnhim23]

I was doing no contact and my ex reached out to me, but it was to tell me his mom was in the hospital. I’m not sure what to do.? Keep contact still? We have been texting everyday about her health. And that’s it. Should I take it for what it is and not read into it?

[@veronicadias5349]

Please continue to talk

[@pattiedavis5583]

Hang on , he needs you

[@xoxkimmxox]

Hey Clay, my ex broke up with me nearly a year ago we've only been able to meet a few times. The last time i suggested he declined as he was sad... I'm not sure if i should sugget another meet up (He hasn't mentioned anything). How much is too long? It feels like there has not been much progress

[@stacieembrey3290]

My ex keeps telling me that he loves me and misses me but he can’t come home because he thinks we can’t live together again. I can’t show him that we can unless he does. Now he is ghosting me again which is totally childish. What do I?

[@Kirra713]

Date other people. He’s playing mind games and sleeping around.

[@davidcloud8789]

Clay, she says that we will never get back together because her family and friends hate me, and she doesn’t want to deal with that, so she won’t even fight for us even tho she still has feelings for me.. she broke up with me 2 months ago.. what should I do?

[@victoriadolan9889]

This video is very pertinent to my situation. I have broken the cycle at this point, but my ex never verbalized that he was feeling confused, didn't know what he wanted, wouldn't commit, etc - his actions showed it after months of positive reconnection and communication, spending time together, and seeming to move toward a reconciliation. He has disconnected completely within the last couple of weeks, so I have just decided to not reach out to him anymore. He never came right out and said anything about what he was thinking in terms of our gray area/limbo relationship, so I didn't have the opportunity to use the one-way spike strategies you've brilliantly outlined in this video. Is there anything I can do at this point since my situation is different in this regard?

[@rebecca7897]

My ex and I are back to the same exact place when he broke up with me... the only difference is that he has begun to ask more emotional, intimate/personal, future-centered questions. I’ve realized that we are on the same page with everything and want the same things. I was kinda confused though as to why he wanted to know how many guys I’ve had sex with before meeting him... He is definitely in crisis point, but I’m completely honest with him with whatever he asks or wants to know. We aren’t exclusively back together though. How can I give a gentle nudge to get to the exclusivity?

[@NoDripp2]

Tell him hey can we have a talk later do it in person asks for his full attention and say hey i been thinking a lot lately about us and I want to know if we are exclusive or not so I know where we are and if we are seeking the same future.. if he dont give u exclusivity then he isn’t worth ur time cuz it definitely sucks not knowing if ur partner is sleeping with others etc while ur most likely being loyal

[@SISTAG-wb6bh]

I know this video was 10 Mos ago but today, 23 Jun 21 it hit home for me. I asked my ex a question. Did she tell the new girlfriend about us and how we broke up, and are they still together because she stated they were not. Her response, they are still together but going into two different direction. They want the same just don't know how to do it. Then she said, they break up every other day but she loves me, just not in love with me! Now that's confusing all together and very heart broken. I've express my feelings and love but to get this response, hurts like hell! So confused and upset with myself!

[@jonathanjarquin9832]

So I told my ex that and he said I am picking a fight and to stop being dramatic. He said he is going through stuff in his life. I understand that, but I have been waiting for like a year. I don't want to sound insensitive but I don't really know what to do...

[@nicholas5350]

You aren’t. You’re protecting yourself.

[@Rockrufflepuff]

Thank you Clay, I really needed this video. I've been stuck in that gray area for quite a few months without being too sure how to get out of it...everything you said in this video was on point. My ex joined the Marines this year, which really has both brought us closer in some ways and keeping us apart in others. The good news is that our "cycle" is mostly positive and we are dating in a sense, but he's been hesitant to commit "right now" because of his circumstances with the Marines. I've been trying to be very understanding, but as things are right now it feels like I've been put on a backburner until he feels "ready", such as when his service is up in a couple years. We've definitely talked of the future, but he's hesitant to do much about things right now. Your steps aren't something I will try right away I think, but when I'm ready or feel the time is right this video was definitely helpful!

[@mmt2310]

What happened? Did you stay together or move on?

[@koreawonderskim5597]

How long the gray area could more good between 2-4months?

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I hope you own a new house Clay.

[@kmontez88]

How do I know when will be the right time to bring this up? I just apologized for what actions I played in our break up. Great info

[@ClayAndrews]

it depends whether your ex is in a level where he is also in acceptance and have moved on from the past. These are vulnerable conversations and it requires emotional readiness not just for you but for him as well.

[@louisebarney9560]

What should I do if my ex is confused when he’s in a rebound relationship but still makes excuses to text and tells me he loves and misses me? He broke no contact after 3 month,this contact has been going on for approx 6 weeks and I’m confused and don’t know what to do,shall I ignore him 🤷🏻‍♀️Our relationship was 10 years and he is now with a 20 year old girl he’s 31 and I’m 36

[@vivalila4862]

Hi @Louise Barney, what happened to your story? I know it’s been a year since this post. Seems i’m in a very similar situation right now and hoping to get inspiration.

[@Kirra713]

Anyone that loves you would take the opportunity to better themselves rather than rebound with someone else. Seems like he’s been looking at other young women for awhile and felt that way in your relationship and it could be a mid-life crisis I don’t know but I wouldn’t take him back. Love yourself more and date others when your ready.

[@serenitygilles7064]

so over this damn cycle its been two years 🙄done.

[@gregallen4681]

Loving myself seems so far away? I hardly do anything but hike go to the gym work and go to the lake ?

[@gregallen4681]

@@divine_lifeforce_coach You know that post was a few months ago when my ex broke up with me to go back to a narcissistic ex boyfriend that she knew from three years ago funny thing is I did no contact and we got back together after that post for about five months and now she just did the same thing to me again over the same guy she said I treated her amazing like no other man ever had yet she still in love with this guy so after all the counseling and the pointers on here I’m doing better this time but I’m not gonna let her devastate me again I really appreciate your advice

[@gregallen4681]

@@divine_lifeforce_coach Yes she grew up with a narcissistic mother who was very belittling abusive and never let her have her voice and so that’s the kind of relationship she seeks out now unfortunately and she is a nurse with a bachelors degree so you think she would know better but she doesn’t

[@gregallen4681]

@@divine_lifeforce_coach Thank you so much for all of your advice and help I am Very grateful God bless you

[@gregallen4681]

@@divine_lifeforce_coach So are you a counselor that or no?

[@heatherjane1919]

How to create a Golden Bridge?

[@melboogiedown]

Yes what is the golden bridge?

[@MsLucinana]

good advice and you are nice down to earth guy. Can i swap you with my ex? :-)

[@danielbrown8602]

How can we tell if they're confused?

[@rebeccajohnson5658]

2 of my exes are stuck in this grey area. How can I get either one of them to open up more to me emotionally? Both pulled away from me unexpectedly. Hot and cold behavior cycle..i want to be able to move forward.

[@sallywong106]

I'm sorry but why do u have two in the same time and why is it okay u can just need to get one of back? I'm a bit confused

[@rebeccajohnson5658]

@@sallywong106 I am interested in 3 of my exes still I would try to get at least 2 back.

[@sallywong106]

@@rebeccajohnson5658 you are not looking for a monogamous relationship?

[@rebeccajohnson5658]

@@sallywong106 I am Straight but was kind of Bi Corious

[@rebeccajohnson5658]

@@sallywong106 yes I mostly date men. I want to find The One to marry soon to help me raise and take care of my daughter.

[@rebeccajohnson5658]

Is Space and Time apart of this?

[@Jo-gf6ii]

This might sound like a silly question, but how do you know if you’ve built the emotional connection? My ex and I are friends, sometimes with benefits, although I don’t think this is where he wants to be. I think he’s only “playing sometimes boyfriend” because he thinks I can’t do friendship (and he’s right, I still love him deeply and struggle not being in a relationship with him) but he does want me in his life, by his own pleading and admission. He’s a single father who got custody of his children only a couple of years ago. We were already living together but he had to move out when he got custody due to various circumstances. We’d planned on moving back in together and blending our two sets of teenage daughters but it never eventuated. He now feels that during the 2 years we had been trying to blend, he was under too much pressure trying to split his time between his children, and me. The two sets of children are all teenage girls, so not as easy a task to blend as if they were under 10 years old. Anyway, I don’t know how to recognise whether to apply the pressure and do the “dating other people” spiel, or whether to reduce the pressure and just be friends without the intimate connection we have at the moment as I don’t feel it’s actually mutual. I’m not sure how to recognise whether the connection is high enough, or if it even exists. He calls me a couple of times a week and we see each other at least once. He kisses and hugs me hello and goodbye, and will reach out to hold my hand at the movies or cuddle up to me on the couch at home, but he seems to be actively avoiding anything sexual unless (I think) he feels he has to. I’ve also just purchased your RR course.

[@Kirra713]

I wouldn’t give him no benefits

[@DanielTekmyster]

The nice guy/friend zone road to recovery LOL

[@S1lverspike]

Currently here with my separated wife. One day she stone walls me the next she’ll dance with me and talk to me. I choose to pour into the positive and when she’s distant give her periods of space. For me what helps is thinking of it as a marathon.

[@jglhendricks]

👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

[@zolita4112]

I know of a lady powerful

[@zolita4112]

She can help you well,she helped me too

[@javisanti2350]

my ex said she misses me as her best friend but doesn’t want a relationship with me. what do i do?

[@emmanuelzagadat6404]

Hi Clay...i have a question, these spikes of doom give an ex the opportunity to say yes or no. My ex kept saying "I don't know" instead of yes or no...how could you have handled that situation?

[@FM-zg5hz]

Update?

[@thatpoeticthug]

This sounds scary yoo. I'm afraid she's start dating someone else. I don't want that! Idk what to do

[@ClayAndrews]

But that is something that you cannot have full control of. Whether your ex will go on a date or not is something that she has to decide for herself, given that she is already single.

[@QuinnLIFTS]

When ur ex is at the point of leaving, u can try calmly tellin them what that means, using the 1 way spikes of doom. But after that it will just make them feel like u are weak if u beg and don't let them go. If u left someone that u couldn't be with, u would be bothered and look at them differently if they just wouldn't let u go. It sucks ya know. I'm in a "break" with my "girl" and we are in different houses thru this. We see each other from time to time when she wants to see me, but it's almost more difficult to deal with than a normal breakup. There hasn't been any finality to the situation, so it's takin her longer to heal. She didn't wanna let me go so that's why we are doin a "break". Right now it almost feels like, she can't live with me or can't live without me. And my job is to work on myself and hope she gets to a point where she just can't live without me. It's a tricky situation. But in any case, u gotta let them do what they want. If u don't it will feel controlling and that's not gonna help anything long term.

[@SAMEntalhealth]

I don't mean to sound mean but I kinda like you better than coach Lee lol

[@russelllein6773]

I think I'm more confused than she is. Shes sold her place, helping put together her bf of 3 months place. We tried to date, she chose him instead, yet we will talk via messenger, recently she went on a four day outing with her mom, on the day came home, her and I talked into the early morning I truly don't understand. Am I a good friend, or someone she has on the outside just in case.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Russell, Just be sure to set healthy boundaries. both of you are in your most vulnerable emotional place at this point.

[@ziggystardust1122]

Clay really missed on this one. I don't know who he's imagining but he's not being realistic in the majority of cases. He's a nice guy and means well but if he truly had the skills, he wouldn't be so dismissive of the majority of personality types that treat others with disrespect. For real.

[@eartheternal3565]

7:10 This is terrible advice. If you're a guy saying this to a woman the spikes are going to be facing you because she'll be able to have a guy over in 5 minutes to where you might not be able to find a chick for months. Don't make your ex jealous. Bad, Clay. 👎

[@ClayAndrews]

Hey there, it is not about making the ex jealous. It was just an example of having a possible conversation with the other person. Of course, you have to go back to your personal intentions. Do you really intend to date other people? If yes, that is a way of setting expectations with the other person. In that way, we are showing transparency. But if the intent is to make the person jealous, then that is where the disconnect would come in.