Your ex wants you back but doesn't contact you

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[@ke1tor]

If you meet someone else after being discarded, and make it public, and they still don't care or oppose to it, they simply never cared enough about you. Move on. I was in a relationship with an avoidant for 14 years, and she explained how she'd confronted people she have had casual relationships with in college. But she'd never do that with me. They WILL NOT change unless they want to themselves. It's a ride being in a relationship with an avoidant than any other you've ever experienced. Learn to live and love your life without them, as it is the only way you will ever find harmony with an avoidant.

[@Greentea4591]

He messages me and says he thinks about me, but he doesn’t say he wants me at all or wants to see me at all. I CAN’T ever ask him to see me again or reach out to him again now. He has rejected me too many times for the last year and a half. I can see that he doesn’t want to talk about what happened or rehash any of it, but that really means I am not worth it to him. It tells me he doesn’t really want me. The only way a relationship could ever work now is if he is willing and wanting to tell me he wants me and feels he needs me now and he is willing to talk openly with me again and be vulnerable and put the effort in Breadcrumbs aren’t reaching out right?? How do I know is it a breadcrumb or he is really trying to reconnect this time?? I ignored his last 3 reach outs/ breadcrumbs because I think they are just breadcrumbs. He is not saying he wants to see me or talk seriously. It just sounds like breadcrumbs to me

[@awerten3746]

I think you should wait for a significant message and ignore breadcrumbs.

[@therealkeinemoniker]

i couldnt give my FA space and she finally snapped telling me she doesnt think we can even be friends. hard to know if she means it because shes said so many things she doesnt mean in anger.

[@danparry3730]

My DA broke up with me and said she wanted us out of eachothers lives, but never actually said the words good bye. I sent her the clean slate and now am hoping she will come back as we were great freinds before our relationship. It has been a month and a half of NC. I have heard from a mutual friend that she is thinking about me, misses things about me and how I treated her, and is considering reaching out. Shortly after this, she unblocked my Socials for very short periods of time (half an hour) on two separate days. Should I consider reaching out to her, or do you think she is close to reaching out to me. Please, any good advice will help, I'm losing my mind thinking about it. Thank you.

[@abmf124]

I broke up with DA (he was taken by surprise). After 6 months I reached out since we parted in good terms.I just needed that time to cool off. He responded positively. Said he wants to stay in touch. We texted for a bit and then the awkward moment happened where we stopped. I texted him saying that I probably said something that upset him since he stopped responding and told him that I don’t feel comfortable to initiate any further conversation and that it’s up to him if he wants to continue. He texted me few days later saying he wants to keep in touch but might not be texting me too often. I responded to this asking him some questions about work etc… now silence on his end that’s longer than before. Not sure if he’s just testing me if I’m ok with his infrequent texting or if he lost interest. I’m not anxious about it. I try to understand him and I’m also ok with whatever happens. He just gives me mixed signals because his msgs are nice and I feel he’s happy I reached out (he actualy told me that) but that long pause now makes me wonder what’s going on.

[@asian82]

TBH, he's probably glad you're still interested in him. Big confidence boost for them.

[@abmf124]

@@asian82 probably. But that’s ok with me. I know I couldn’t be in a relationship with severe DA who doesn’t do the work but at the same time I know his avoidance is a result of a trauma and he’s very insecure deep inside so if I gave him an ego boost- that’s totally ok with me. It doesn’t cost me anything after all. :-)

[@remyd1984]

@@abmf124if you flip it tho you could say you breadcrumbing him! You left the relationship and now getting anxious he’s not fighting to fix it! He’s respecting your decision isn’t he? If any thing you giving a whole lot of mix signals aren’t you? You left a relationship because you can’t be with a DA but reaching out because you struggling with YOUR decision!

[@user-ei3jm4sc5h]

He probably doesn’t want to get hurt again. Avoidants never really share their deepest feelings even when breakups are amicable they still hurt, especially for avoidants because their core wounds are fear of abandonment and fear of rejection. So maybe his inconsistency with communication is his defense mechanism, not investing too much in you until he can figure out what it is he wants from the situation without cutting you off completely while he figures himself out.

[@remyd1984]

You sound confused in my opinion. You broke up with him and now you breadcrumbing to get his attention?! Sounds like he’s respecting your decision!!!

[@garywillett6396]

I was in an intimate sexual long distance situationship for three years. I ended it because he got mad when I told him I loved him. Very harmonious otherwise. He hasn’t responded to my message for 9 months. Any hope? ❤

[@johannsalzstreuer5006]

i did the same with an aboidant. directly she ran away…

[@instagamrr]

Funny this should pop up now. I just reached out to him after a week of no contact - he told me not to contact him so i was VERY hesitant to do this, but I just sent him a funny meme about something we used to joke about. He responded in 2 minutes. When he said not to contact him, he really just didn’t want to fight anymore. Taking the avoidant strategy of acting like nothing happened and just moving forward appears to have done the trick, although it was certainly risky! But I’ve also largely let him go and started dating others (although obviously I still have a soft spot for him), so if he didn’t respond or blocked me, I would have been okay with it.

[@johannsalzstreuer5006]

having a rs with someone you cant discuss stuff is a pain in the ass. makes no sense

[@instagamrr]

@@johannsalzstreuer5006 it sure is, it’s the worst. But often you don’t realize they’re a DA until you’ve already fallen in love

[@cucafc]

I don't want to see him because I couldn't change my life enough (yes, I need that slap in his face). I deeply dislike the person he was the last year of our relationship. I know it was a bad year, but a I didn't deserve that. I don't think he wants to come back either. The last time we talk he said sometimes he cried at night, I made a intimate joke about that, now I realise it was a mistake. He never wrote again. he deserves better too, I guess.

[@Maggie.s.p.242]

He's (maybe) a DA, or, maybe, he is a DA, leaning FA. I am an FA, leaning DA, and trying to get more secure. We didn't put an end on our situationship. Neither of us said, that it is over. But, it is on standby (or unknown outcome), because he quit his job (we were coworkers), and went back to his home country. To relate to this your Video, Alexis : maybe, he feels, that he is missing me (me, I do have strange dreams in the night. it seems obvious, that I am missing him 😢). I do not reach out, he doesn't reach out.

[@Maggie.s.p.242]

@New_Life_Precious718-yv8pv hello