Your parents messed you up. Let me explain.

[@reyjusuf]

I understand that the way my parents raised me was wrong, but I need to let that go and move forward. Can't let the past weigh me down.

[@lemurcatta]

absolutely, but no matter how much you try to forget and ignore the past, it’s always going to be with you and affect you even when you don’t notice it.

[@LanaBlakely]

Do you want to see more book videos?

[@JessBookgirlTV]

Yes to bookish content.

[@vishnujatav6329]

Yes

[@amnase933]

yips

[@Empyrean19]

Yes pls

[@manirudh5064]

Yup Yup..

[@atreyasaha]

Lana, I've been watching your videos for a long time now, and I have to say, each one feels like a warm, comforting hug. Whenever I'm feeling low or just need a little companionship, your videos are always there to lift me up. Thank you for being a source of light in my life-I always look forward to your content.

[@LanaBlakely]

thank you so much :')

[@bantisaha4471]

So true. Each of her videos feels like a comforting hug.

[@michaelbrinks8089]

​@@LanaBlakely One day you'll probably make a YT video titled- Feminism Messed You & Me Up Let Me Explain....But that video probably won't come until you're around 40 & single & finally have an epiphany & realize that Feminism has lied to you.

[@terrrell7798]

I'm glad my mom didn't mess me up. My mom is the reason I never hanged out with the wrong crowd. Why I never did drugs. Why I never smoked cigarettes. Why I didn't under-age drink when I was a teenager. My dad is abusive, I was never raised by him, and I'm glad I was never raised by him. He's a messed up dad, along with his side of the family. My mom, and her side/my side of the family aren't messed up. We engage in the arts, sciencel medicine, theater, nature, and successfully spiritually. We don't live on materialism. I discovered your channel today on side note. I am saying good evening to you from my home of NYC. Sincerely, Terrell

[@debankachanda]

This topic hit a little too close to heart…Thank you.

[@KimberlyFederico-v5m]

I completely agree with you.. #nidhikapoor

[@JamieAsareZiegler]

When I was a teenager, my father told me that my primary job in life was to be a better father to my children than he was to me. Before he passed, I told him how much that advice has shaped me into adulthood. Even though I haven't yet had children of my own, keeping that in mind has influenced the decisions I make with a view to the future. In order to be a good parent, I needed to be a good person. _I needed to start doing the work before I assumed the role._ "Would the father I want to be to my children act in that way or in _this_ way?" It also caused me to view my parents through a constructive lens: instead of reacting to their parenting in a short-sighted way, I was better able to evaluate their choices and tendencies, assess them, and tweak them or learn from them as necessary. My father was an excellent father. I hope I have the opportunity someday with my own family to build upon his legacy.

[@JangmiCherry]

Hearing this got me bawling 'cause Lana explained it well how suffocating it is to live with those kinds of parents... Thank you for emphasizing with us

[@rejoiceolaleye]

Describes the story of my life so far, began questioning my whole existence since I turned 19. Will definitely read this book❤

[@mbezezo]

i am crying while listened to this. now that i became an adult, every childhood memory become clearer and easy to understand. time is cruel, with me, the child who became an adult now can face the reality and understand why my mom act 'that way' and 'why i became like this' and hopefully i can overcame it, somehow. Thank you Lana for the book reccommendation!

[@satishjarwar9827]

So many people are stuck on outdated ideas, but the book women’s magic truths on borlest shows you how to use secret techniques to attract almost anything in life. This isn’t just another law of attraction book; it’s the real deal with actionable insights. If you’re ready to level up your life, you need to read this.

[@ChrisGaultHealthyLiving]

I'll have to read this book. Thanks so much for the recommendation, Lana! You are truly & always inspiring!

[@snickersdoodle7047]

I'm going to read it too!

[@SamJohnson-js3hc]

I'm going to get this too.

[@Williamb612]

Thanks!

[@anamikapa5534]

❤

[@clemencegrammont775]

This video made me cry and echoed so many of my own childhood traumas.

[@wonjuii]

6:04 , 6:12 made me realize i became just like my own parents; i pushed away the person who was trying to help me by saying "i am what i am and i cannot change" which was very toxic. i know now that i need to work on it. lana, you're an amazing person and i cannot stress enough how your videos have helped me become a better person each day.

[@stacyy4362]

you're the elder sister I never had❤

[@Strive2Thrivein25]

That books is going straight to the top of my "must read" list! Thank you for sharing such an important subject so sensitively.

[@Anordinarybeing-oc6yo]

Oh my god. Lana. I love watching your content so much. Especially someone who embraces slow living.

[@aahanaTk4ever]

Thank you, Every word feels like a stabbing pain that somehow warms my heart.

[@jsjadhdnsxodjwfdjdbvg]

You make my day better whenever you post. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart

[@bartosz3837]

Have a good day everyone!

[@Pizza.bunnii..]

U too ❤

[@Empyrean19]

I saw one of your videos and you were reading the book. I then began reading it and I'm learning so much. I'm going to therapy soon to deal with my childhood trauma and my relationship with my mother. I've been going through a really difficult time coping with myself. Thank you for guiding me to this book. ❤

[@kindledmetaphor]

It’s such a coincidence, this is the book I’ve been studying for 3 months and it has been hard to process! I love how you’ve condensed it perfectly, stay blessed Lana ❤

[@josephananiasgavin5153]

5:27. My sister had experienced that during my childhood with my mom. It’s totally heartbreaking that my mom never understood the situation that my sister went through and she literally believes she was very right all the time until never admitted the mistakes she made.

[@Variability11]

She's gaslighting

[@KiyoNatsume]

This pattern ends with me. I will be the best parent one day ❤

[@ziaurrehman2220]

LANA, There's something about the way you speak that's really captivating-your words are always so thoughtful, and the way your lips move adds a unique charm to it. I found myself really focused on that throughout the video.❤❤

[@ashpro]

My therapy time whenever you upload Lana :)

[@LanaBlakely]

[@BenIsFiguringitOut]

I’ve been thinking about childhood trauma this week, so this video correlates perfectly with what I’ve been thinking about. I read this book around 2020/2021. This is more of a common issue than I thought. Thanks for this video!

[@vanshitawaghmare1800]

This is sooo accurate! Exact understanding, Exact feelings...oh God! Thank you for the video Lana... You are amazing ♥️.

[@alyanqazalbash]

Your videos are a therapy! Keep up the great work!

[@doctorlovera]

Yes, they did. We are all learning to live, no matter how old we are, if we are doing it right, we are still learning how to live. Our parents are no different; they were no different. So, in the end we just need to learn to accept what they provided for us (probably the best they could, the best they got, the best of their imperfect essence allowed them) and enjoy the good and fix the bad. Because in the end, it is still our duty to keep learning how to live. And to be honest, kids are not easy, not at all. We were no different. And if you see it from that angle, they were just less inmature persons trying to deal with very inmature persons and the responsibility that they meant. Thanks for the video. 😊👍👍 So many things to agree with. Great book.

[@GamerGrade]

Beautiful thank you! I purchased this book a while ago and on my 2nd read. Highly recommended!

[@simsixzero]

Thanks to Lana Blakely for the wonderful explanation. Solitude does not inherently equate to a negative experience.

[@ElementsByJasmine]

My mom was like that. Plus explosive and critical. Yelling and shouting. Black and white thinking. Forcing on opinions. I was mostly on my own after she left my dad at age 6. My sister moved out early. She would explode and apologise later on. The praise me and tell me how much she loves me. Then explode again the following day. Often times ignoring/silent treatment too.

[@electroquests]

I'm glad I choose to watch it. 8:05 was like that's exactly what I am going through. Thank you Lana, I've been really down, you have me courage and strength and hope that I could make things better

[@kabutokani]

I like the way you guide us through the emotions within ourselves which is hard to face and embrace what i feel is sometimes u just want to have the slightest brief moment where you were just safe to be yourself and being there without getting attacked by the closest person beside you, people say feeling betrayed by someone who did nothing to you is a problem of urself or oversensitive, but the fact that they are saying that while knowing you are this person is already an act of betrayal the hardest part was not to let go , but to gave up on the hope that you would have any connections with them which u never had before , its this sense of coping and hoping on something that doesn't exists that makes people pleasers get attached to the person that hurts them the most and end up putting salt on the scars , also because of the problem of unable to accept ourselves as who we are which makes us even harder to sit down and reflect on our toxic relationships to ourselves i mean people will do anything to escape from facing the deepest part of themselves just so that they dont have to deal with it , because the mind is so afraid of remembering and experiencing it again so it tries to protect us from it and run away what i learned is to acknowledge the feelings and embrace it , face and understand it, accept it as how it is , the energy of moving on or didnt care at all wont just happen magically overnight, diving back into it and finding the wounds, sitting down questioning and reflecting and writing it out helps a lot(if u are a person like me who cant afford therapy) because it will always follow and haunt you wherever u go and whatever relationship you are in if u dont do it, sooner or later it will come to a point of explosion since we could only suppress so much it will just come out no matter u like it or not idk if anyone could relate but this is what i feel and learned through the years of struggling with it

[@Quest_Ion_music]

Thank you, Lana. You're brilliant, as always. 🙂

[@ValerieRittenhouse]

You don’t know how much I needed to watch this. It feels like this video was made for me. My partner and I broke up three months ago after four years together, and I’ve been struggling to find a way to move forward.

[@DonnaGutierrez-p8q]

I completely understand. When my boyfriend left me after eight years together, I was lost and didn’t know how to pick up the pieces. That was until I found Father Akabu.

[@ValerieRittenhouse]

Father Akabu? I’ve never heard of him, how did he help you?

[@DonnaGutierrez-p8q]

He’s a spiritualist who works on restoring relationships. He gave me the clarity and support I needed, and he even helped bring us back together.

[@ValerieRittenhouse]

Thank you so much for sharing, I just looked him up, and what I see is interesting. I feel like this is exactly what I’ve been needing.

[@DenisDolisy]

Hey Lana ! Thank you so much for this heart warming video! You touched my heart very deeply as always 🖤 And thank you immensely for being there and sharing a bit of your warm and gentle soul with us 🖤❣ The advice at the end is very precious, it's very important to set expectations accordingly to the people we're dealing with and even more to accept that the need to be accepted, understood and loved the way we are is completely normal. I recognized my (hopefully mostly) past self in what you described. I definetely was (maybe still am) a people pleaser and expected too much from people who weren't able to meet those expectations and I was attracting those people in a reoccuring pattern, which is something I think happens to many people in that situation.

[@opollitico]

I really, really, really needed to hear this tonight, Lana. Not necessarily parent-related, though it is therapeutic to hear your thoughts through this lens. Thank you ❤

[@rust719]

Ah, if only parents listened to their children & acknowledged their issues instead of dismissing them.

[@nicoleabrukwe]

agreed with the title before I even watched the video..because I relate so hard

[@ryans6442]

I love your channel. You’re so comforting. I’m going to have to check this book out sometime

[@RufaidaWafa]

I love to watch your videos Lana I watch all of them and these really help me emotionally❤❤

[@jerome6572]

Lana I thank you for Lana I love your brains and beauty.Lana be safe and smart love the content today.Jerome❤❤❤

[@SilverXT]

Liked as soon as I saw you bought that book!!! I have it on my tbr shelf

[@imamfmirrorball]

my favourite therapist🎀

[@zarahassim128]

I can't thank you enough i finally feel like understood after a long time i always thought I'm just over sensitive and it's not a big deal since my parents always provided for me but i never felt loved my whole life become a people pleaser did everything i could to be finally loved but it never happened so i let go of the idea that i can ever feel that love since i never got it from my own mother why would anyone else would do that,i am okay now i killed the child in me that wanted love so i let fo of everyone and everything i am feeling better than ever i am never going to seek love or please anyone else my only goal is to be selfish, distant and take care of myself with 💫💖🕊️

[@NhatNguyen-pl3xz]

I think my friend is having this issue right now as I just learned they possibly have dismissive avoidant attachment. It drains me mentally and physically being with them. I’m torn between staying to help them or leave it all together for my mental health. I feel bad to leave them like that because they seriously need help and heal, but they don’t seem to know about it or see it as a problem 😔

[@trevormajor1197]

Thank you Lana..We needed this video

[@mutianabilas]

YESS PLEASE BOOK REVIEW VID! ❤

[@shraddha4714]

The thing is I've come to the realisation they're immature emotionally, and that's ok. I realised there's a problem which i do not want to repeat with my kids. I self reflected. Bt why is it so difficult for the parents to self reflect? Why they never thought of thinking a little beyond than what they knew?

[@sameersheriff7078]

Little beyond what ? Atleast they're providing with food , shelter and then education I suppose so if you were to ask more than that its not their fault !!! Their life was for the most part was to be lot harder than us for the most part at least in the place I am from so its not easy to expect any such emotional maturities or whatever from them as they always wants things to be good for us but doesn't know how to express it so don't have to blame them for that though !!!

[@shraddha4714]

@@sameersheriff7078 Right, they're providing. And I don't expect anything else. I understand where they're coming from. But the point here is to understand a parent is not just somebody who provides for material needs but providing for them emotionally with love, value n care is much more important. This shouldn't be something a child has to ask for. The point is to understand this n not keep on passing the same thing again n again.

[@sameersheriff7078]

@@shraddha4714 Maybe its our generation who must be doing it to our kids opposed to our parents who grewup totally in a different world in a post independence world filled with economic crisis and it were lot harder to survive to make their ends meet back then so given difficult those circumstance they cant relate to any of these emotional support that we expect from them as I hardly speak just few words to my dad whos been quiet strict and spends less time with me as he's always busy with work but my mom speaks to me a lot more freely in comparison but cant still discuss our personal stuff or the things they cant really understand with them so its not fair to demand such thing to them as no matter what they always want best for me which I feel is enough though !!!

[@nandinisharma6112]

​@@sameersheriff7078 it is literally the responsibility of a parent to do things and provide for their child. they are not doing some kind of service to the child by giving them all this. parents should introspect and try to break the generational trauma chain and not dump it on their child

[@aisonuAcinar-qy5io]

I always asked myself that, why they never thought of what and how they did what actually did? Why they do not try to understand , maybe apologize? ... but ofc in the end i knew why, because it hurts they're ego as parents, they're ego as responsible and controllers, hard to get but it's the fact of this whole thing. Everyone says they r our parents and reason of our existence, no ..! Ofc not!. Giving birth isn't everything and god is the main reason, they're responsible of every part in my life including making sure not to hurt me and understand the way i act. They never did , never will admit how wrong they act but it's not the end of the thing, since we will be better version of parents then they will ever be. Ofc after all we love and appreciate their everything given... family stuff.

[@glennraya]

I grew up with immature parents. I don’t know much about my mom since she left when I was 6, and my father was absolutely horrible. Fortunately, kind relatives stepped in to help, though not full-time since they live overseas. However, I won’t make excuses or blame my irresponsible parents for the things that have happened to me (as an adult).

[@mansoor3159]

Lana whenever you posts a new video it's makes my day instantly♥️😀

[@Katherinelinkathy]

oh my god !this book i read few moths ago , i really like it also so happy you read it!!! thank you!

[@dualscreengrant]

I would feel so much better if my parents apologized for having kids. They chose to have kids because they're selfish. There is no other reason for it. I have hated my existence since early childhood. I will always hate it.

[@rhythmsofhearts]

Only thing you can do is not to have kids of your own.

[@Andyc515]

Lana your truly beautiful and I find your voice and videos moving and inspiring they are so true, thank you sweetheart 🙂🙏🏻

[@Nightzo]

I love your choice of background music in this video

[@rodrigomolinsky]

Oh, Lana… you teased a curly hair and I was looking forward to check your new visual. Go for it, if you want. You are gourgeous either way! ❤

[@LeonidasLost480]

It's very difficult to be a good parent the first time, particularly if you are both young. You learn from your mistakes but your child may carry those mistakes forever. Any views, anybody on trying to rectify inadequate parenting for the benefit of your child when they are in their 50's? PS: This is good work Lana.

[@Cheosunghuo9379]

You are like a big sister i always wanted❤Thank u🌷💐🌹

[@TeybaAli-jk4tg]

This is so relatable and beautifull

[@rawfootagegirl]

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I WAS JUST READING THIS IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS

[@rawfootagegirl]

and, navigating this in the transition from 17 -> 18 (last year, with much less awareness about it but still quite a bit about my life htai have been cultivating, I'm getting better at this 19 (this year, in 11 days ! after a breakup mid year and exams and SO MUCH GOING ON and SO MUCH BEING REVEALED) has been a journey. still learning, still navigating, still having a tonne of fun amidst my hours of crying, I love my inner child

[@blackpinkinyourarea9155]

I see myself in this video. It's totally describe my situation and childhood😊

[@titolarios]

I don't know how you edit or EQ the audio, but sounds really good 🔆

[@robertwahlstrom]

As a parent myself I sorta think most parents do the best they can, most parents think they are doing the right thing for their kids even if a different parent might consider how that parent handle their kids to be wrong or strange. As to who raised their kids right and who raised them wrong you will not really know before your all grown up. If you are somewhat successful as an adult, your parents probably did a good job overall even if they might have flaws as a person.

[@sayanmazumder1914]

This video has literally described my childhood 😢. Thanks #Lana. I followed the lone-wolf path by the way.

[@Sohair-pw9mz]

Didnt watch the video yet but i have something important to say.. Don't blame your parents for everything wrong in your life.. When you become adult you are responsible for your life and if you have child you will understand how difficult it is to make everything right for your child and almost impossible.. Also there are many things shape your childhood school socirty etc so many thing will affect you in positive or negative way so be kind and have compassion for your parents for everything they did to you as perfect as they could and with the tools and knowledge they had .. Be kind to your parents to prevent regret when you no longer have them dont listen to everything in social media and feel pitty for your self this is not right and help no body and not real to have perfect parents when they didn't even had that in this sad world.. My english isn't so good but hope someone will listen and think carefully before doing something they will regret badly in the future

[@ezzefarhana8831]

Everything you said is true that we cannot blame our parents for everything. But if we deny the wrong things they did, the trauma will repeat to future generations. Acknowledge their mistakes, heal from the trauma, and be a better parent in the future.

[@law11school11girly]

Thank you for this video ❤❤❤

[@kaemmili4590]

The Myth of Normal, from Gabor maté. Highly advised, a warm and insightful and comprehensive take on that matter

[@Wisdomstory52]

Thank you so much❤

[@arkchibald-]

That's what happened with me. Adult children is another interesting idea, where the boundaries are flipped. 😢

[@robertmaxa6631]

"Your parents messed you up". Yeah, probably. It is what it is.

[@vanessaland5090]

That was a very insightful and much needed video. Thank you Lana.

[@thuybuiminh1939]

Lana you‘re the best ❤

[@kaneinkansas]

Most people have kids between 17 and 37, and of those, mostly in their 20s. This means it is highly likely that the parents are immature - life is a life long process. No matter what, even in the best of all circumstances, mistakes are going to be made and patterns are going to emerge that will have an upside and a down side. So we need books with advice like this to help us overcome grow and evolve, and hopefully not pass dysfunction of one type or another on to the next generation.

[@januariflikkan]

Thank you ❤

[@theintentionalist]

Noise cancelling headphones works for me figuratively and literally

[@KareamBarghouthi]

5:55 ❤Thanks a lot

[@F1ct10n17]

There's a gap in between and that is realignment of mind. A guide,pointer,ways, reasons and only time will tell. I can relate a little but im too selfish of my own problem, i don't share i make it worth it for myself and those who want to control me I control them. A guide cannot be guided by another guide. Someone goal and understanding about the world is not everyone's understanding about themselves. Some create their own path others follow. Some lost and some found. Digging deeper is like digging your own graves and making sure no one's found you.

[@lujfal]

let's just hope we won't mess our kids up if we even get the chance

[@dualscreengrant]

The solution to that is simple. If you think you are going to mess up your kids, then don't have kids.

[@Kipouni]

I don't think the term emotionally immature parent is correct in the sense that I've heard of a psychology theory recently that deals with this too but separates the two by describing humans in two aspects, empathic and non-empathic to put it simply. But also describing that some people had access to their inner garden, that they were capable of reflecting on the impact of their unconscious etc ... which makes sense with emotionally immature parents but diverges on the point that these people evolve. In theory, they lack something by nature and even if they can force their understanding of others through reason, they will always find it difficult to do so intuitively for others and for themselves. By the way, this is a great video ! It's always good to see your content!

[@OldManTime]

Yes. Faulkner's "The Sound and the Fury". Cf. Macbeth act 5, scene 5 for the full quote.

[@Hamsterhuman]

Damn, this is too real

[@NicolePemberton-o8c]

Not my Dad, but my mom plays a big role in her bad parenting. 😭😭😔💔😔🥺

[@robsmith2347]

...but my parents were TOO crazy...I'm not sure I have enough years to undo the damage. I guess one good thing is that I haven't had offspring. I have 6 cats though. Yep...I'm very well adjusted.

[@dvalinm]

I feel like my parents abandoned me a long time ago, they were acttually never there, i mean they still here, but not at all.

[@rabindranarayanmahapatra4865]

Amazing content in this video! I rarely suggest anything in comments, but the book women’s magic truths on borlest is a game-changer. It provides deep knowledge on wealth and self-care that can really make a difference. Take care, everyone

[@yamansalem7173]

Well, I don't know why they always do the silent treatment to me ? When they provided the best things for me

[@helenadriana8746]

Gracias, justo necesitaba algo como esto para entender por lo que estoy pasando.

[@Vnzkb]

explaining book. nice👍🏻

[@ShamelessSelf]

Lana as an INFJ what suggestions would you have for places to live for an INFJ? I am wanting to leave Sydney Australia.

[@JamieAsareZiegler]

A lot of European capital and second cities are lovely for an INFJ. They're populous enough to feel like there are possibilities and opportunities and new things to be found but they aren't inescapable and overwhelming. There's sensory stimulation without sensory _overload._ Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, Prague, Vienna, just to name a few, are completely walkable and public transport will get you anywhere else you need to go. I love how you can be downtown and then in 20 minutes you can be in a national park and "feeling away from it all." Good culture and a...more introverted complexion than a lot of cities. But they can still be profoundly lonely places. I just got back from a terribly lonesome trip to Stockholm after a summer working in Western Sweden. It felt like physically where I wanted to be but without the meaningful connections an INFJ needs in order to be fulfilled. So you know, INFJ. Can be lonely anywhere.

[@aaronlbuchanan9861]

Holy synchronocities. Thank you.

[@nihalhathaway4089]

I'm already crying and you didn't even start talking about the book ... probably a sign to buy the book

[@yakubmaida]

This video is truly inspiring! I don’t usually share recommendations, but I have to tell you about the book women’s magic truths on borlest. It offers unique perspectives on wealth and self-care that you won’t find elsewhere. Wishing everyone all the best

[@Champingcom]

Thanks Lana

[@ashpro]

Thereapy time ❤

[@LeonCoyne]

Darling you haven't had a bad day in your life, you'll be alright.

[@Heesuuo]

Thank you :)

[@wanfazali2518]

Fire in the rain.... for me lana...

[@remotemanagement4686]

You look so beautiful, love your videos