You're not the *main character*... You're just selfish.

[@LanaBlakely]

#ad Go to betterhelp.com/lana for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help

[@NatureDaydream]

I can't stand these people complaining that BetterHelp might be a scam. Lana's sponsorships are good enough.

[@natashamudford4011]

Thanks for the new word, Lana. But is it a verb? "I try to sonder at least once an hour." Or a noun? "Deeply absorbed in a state of sonder, I failed to realize the moment when a pickpocket targeted me." Or an adjective? "In a sonderish mood, I wondered what book cover Lana would choose for the story of her life, and how she would title the chapters..." Or an adverb? "My friend loves to people-watch in a sparsely populated environment, and sonderly speculate about the characters that amble along." Lana, you left us hanging.

[@sublimeister9630]

Solitude is required for Enlightenment (“Be A Light Unto Your Self”). Now consider that Self-Love (or Selfishness), you would not learn how to properly love others…(Alan Watts - Selfish). 🙏🏼😊

[@IceeFalcon]

Do you have an only fans lana? Please make one soon.. You're beautiful

[@giuseppeLizzi-rj3er]

Hi Lana your absolutely stunning girl can I please have your number

[@AwesomeRando]

Am I the only one who doesn’t like this “I don’t owe anyone anything thing” culture?

[@LanaBlakely]

nope

[@Samsolo10]

''You don't owe anyone anything'' unless you're a genuine kind person who choose to care or reciprocate or be considerate. I think that is what differentiates people.

[@Katniss0000]

Depends on the context. If it is about TIME. Maybe you are one of the entitled ones. The internet makes people think everyone is available 24/7. You don't owe anyone anything but you must also don't forget accountability and responsibility.

[@S.G.W.Verbeek]

I like to take care of people around me, even strangers. I love to feed the genuine poor. Just like my grandparents did during the occupation in 1940-1945😄

[@narlywaves2371]

No, you're not. I'm 40 years old and never liked it.

[@Sondy87]

From what I've experienced, the therapy culture worships self-improvement to the extent of dehumaising people. I opened up to one of my closest friends about how my insecurities may be affecting the relationship and that I'd like her to be aware of that. The response I got to that was "Well, they are YOUR insecurities so work on that, its not my problem to solve". I AM actively in therapy and while I do agree noone else should be "solving" problems for you, every relationship requires two people to accomodate for each other. But flaws are not seen as part of a person anymore, rather, as something to get rid of because its inconvenient. How I see it, we are all flawed, if you refuse to see and accept those in other people are you really friends with the person or just the idea of them?

[@slutrooster]

how did you want your friend to show up for you or accommodate you? and what kinda flaws because many things are labeled as flaws rather than toxic behavior ...and then ppl throw this "grace" sauce giving ppl permission to never change or take full accountability and improve. lol

[@Sondy87]

@@slutrooster It's about rejection sensitivity mainly. She would prioritise other people I don't really vibe with and I wanted her to spend a bit more time with me (than a few times a month). And I get it, we are free to spend time with whoever we want but then why call me a "bestfriend", while treating me like an option?

[@lindokuhleshandu4024]

The main character syndrome as you explained it, I would call that self-entitlement.

[@silkbuttons]

I would call that self centredness

[@Toruntk]

Many words but all the same meaning

[@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTiger]

Main character syndrome as self-entitlement can disguise itself as Self care, selfish, anti-social; they’re all words that convey a certain degree of self-righteousness. It’s the idea that your justifications are acceptable but do not demonstrate a degree of comprehension for the other. If it goes to the extreme, it becomes a weapon, to punish others, which then becomes Pride. Pride is dangerous as it isolates you. It increases the risk that only your beliefs and feelings are the only ones that truly matter. You are unable to work cooperatively or to be receptive towards the ideas, and feelings of others. At this stage, it is known as narcissism. Once you’re at that stage, everything you do and everything you expect of others is to your own benefit. It is completely devoid of empathy or putting yourself in the place of others. At this stage, it doesn’t matter who losses, or what is lost, as long as you are the winner. At that point, you have reached delusional, as there is insufficient capacity to understand or accept others. There is little willingness to work as a team and envy emerges that anything anyone else receives is greeted with jealousy and hatred. Shaming, guilting, telling lies about others, ruining their image or reputation is the final sprouting of what envy and jealousy manifest. There’s great danger when considering how to self-care, how to become anti-social, and what comes with becoming selfish. Entitlement is when you’re putting yourself first, without considering how others can fit within the dynamic by which most of the time is seldom a pleasant place to be residing in the presence of those who do not want to co-share the experience. Will you be able to identify those who have characteristics of the main character syndrome?

[@dragana2721]

I think „I don’t owe anyone anything“ culture forgets fast what to be kind is, to be a good human 😥

[@Lotschi]

I don‘t agree. Thinking I don‘t owe people anything doesn‘t hinder to be kind, a good human. I don‘t owe people my kindness. I decide to be kind. I think the only thing I owe others when interacting is respect. This is the foundation to every interaction. But anything that goes further is not mandatory. If someone does something nice to me it is important for me to acknowledge that they are being nice to me. They don‘t owe me anything but they still do it. And knowing that makes me grateful.

[@Jay-kk1kv]

I don’t consider myself selfish. I’ve always been someone who is willing to talk. Someone who will express if I have discomforts with anyone. But I will not keep connections with someone that clearly does not need to be in my life. Or deserve it. But I’m not someone who will just cut you off easily. You have to really make me choose that decision. So I get what you’re saying. I feel like too many people walk away from certain relationships too easily. Or over something ridiculous.

[@unabellavita6541]

Boundaries. That is an important part of every healthy relationship. Weeds out the people who need to be axed and strengthens the relationships that are mutually beneficial.

[@slutrooster]

exactly, no need to give grace if you just set boundaries

[@Conkelduck]

I think “I don’t owe anyone anything” is advice that is good or bad depending on the recipient. If someone is a people pleaser type, it might be good to tell them that. For others, it might be really bad advice. It's like telling someone who already goes to the gym every day to "work out more". In general, as an internet trend, it is definitely producing a lot of alienation for community and social cohesion.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

And a lot of these things tend to be arbitrary concepts that are meant to present bias and influence the binary structure or makeup of a particular group or community.

[@mileyroe4877]

I agree❤

[@elleneastwood7435]

I agree with your general sentiment, which is, we live in a society. Other people are important, be mindful of giving consideration to them. Just don't do it in a way that compromises yourself.

[@marsalisvince]

Definitely needed this video. Been recently thinking about where people in my past-life (high school and childhood friends) lie given we've grown apart since I've gone to college.I've just changed a lot from the guy they once knew so the time we've spent together has been marred by my feeling like I have to revert back to a former version of myself just for the time to be enjoyable. I graduate in 46 days and will be moving to a new city when my job starts and was thinking "maybe because we've grown apart, it may be time to finally let these people go" but maybe the grey area is they don't have to be completely let go, but I do need to acknowledge the change in our dynamic and give it room to grow into something different in the future.

[@waterlily3522]

If it helps, my thoughts on this are that the only reason you may still want to maintain a connection is because of the sense of familiarity and shared experiences you both had. You may have changed, but perhaps not so much that you dont connect with them on some areas.

[@LanaBlakely]

Interesting thought process. Personally I wish I had valued the people I got to know through jobs and uni, and I wish I had at least tried staying in touch and maintaining some sort of relationship. But for some reason, my default state was “new chapter in life, new people” and I don’t exactly recommend it. Because why? Sure, you might naturally drift apart anyway due to living different lives, or perhaps living at a distance. But why not at least give it a chance? Those are my two cents.

[@indigo_diary]

I can relate to this a lot! But even if you're not that compatible with childhood friends or high-school friends, and you're not in touch that often anymore, it's still a specia kind of connection to have people in your life who you've known for so long, I think

[@marsalisvince]

@@LanaBlakelyThank you! Really going to consider this.

[@marsalisvince]

@@indigo_diary Yea for sure, that’s something I feel I’m not yet ready to give up on.

[@kileygiley]

I like the phrasing of “over correction” . I don’t think this trend of boundaries and self preservation is inherently a bad thing and in cases necessary. Believing in people is a beautiful thing but also a goal within the healing process for many. When people go into it a lot of the time it’s for a reason that needs to be faced and that sometimes cannot be done with certain stressors. Not always and forever but reprieves can be helpful.

[@Ishita-ss2uh]

This thing is so true my whole life i have been mourning that i don't have that one best friend but as soon i started to journal i came to know it was not them but me who started to ghost them when they don't mark up to my expectations.. I really needed this bcz i wanted to hear that it's my fault

[@lauuudd]

so real.

[@LanaBlakely]

Journaling is my favourite tool for self reflection

[@medhagoyal]

Its like sometimes i dont deserve some people and other times they dont deserve me, when it is a lot about compatibility

[@Joefest99]

It’s a rare and better person that can recognize their own misdeeds! 👏👏👏

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

I like journaling, but honestly I prefer drawing.

[@waytofreedom]

Makes me so happy that people are starting to talk about this

[@Katniss0000]

Selfishness often harms others, as it's driven by a "me first" mentality. It can lead to neglect, manipulation, or exploitation of those around us. Self-care, however, doesn't harm others. You don't harm anyone when you need to go home. because you can't stay late to drink alcohol in a party when you have work tomorrow.

[@Supermateo97]

I always felt bad that I developed misanthropy at a very young age. I was born premature and that made me always smaller than everyone my age (I’m now 5’3” as an adult) and it made me very bitter growing up. Even now when I make a mistake or someone doesn’t like me it’s easy to resort to thinking well I’d be more “normal”/likeable if I was normal-sized, but as I’ve matured I know that no matter how you look or what your upbringing - everyone has the responsibility to hold themselves accountable.

[@agustd-i2w]

"i don't owe anyone anything" for me it simply means that i am not obligated to make someone feel something even though i don't want to... i don't wanna be nice to people that aren't nice to me, i don't wanna be uncomfortable to make someone feel comfortable especially in MY space, especially when they are wrong, i don't just wanna give pieces of myself to people that don't deserve it just because i am put in a position to do so.

[@felipeshortdrawings]

i completely feel you, i am the main character of my story!

[@maddyG7414]

I agree, I think that phrase can be taken in the wrong way, but in reality it goes both ways. No one owes us anything and we don’t owe anyone anything (except maybe if you have a dependant like a pet or a child, then you owe them proper care, if at the very least not from you). I think it can be used to encourage people to help, be kind and a good person not out of obligation but out of a true desire to be that way.

[@lindokuhleshandu4024]

You pretty much summed up why I had to end a relationship with my ex late January this year. The selfishness on my part had to do with protecting my mental wellbeing. The stress and anxiety had become too much to handle, not to mention that I was just emotionally exhausted and drained from the back-and-forth arguing. I was dating someone who created problems in our relationship and then pulled the victim card whenever I confronted her about her wrongdoings. I had had enough of it. So, I finally cut off ties with her. I've been single for almost 2 months now and I love the peace and quiet.

[@LanaBlakely]

Sounds like you make the right decision!

[@lindokuhleshandu4024]

@@LanaBlakely believe me. I did!

[@mariamkamal]

Love it. It's like the difference between self-compassion and self-absorbtion.

[@carefulcarpenter]

People who serve have something to give; empty people are needy.

[@Aera.97]

great words

[@coolbreeze5683]

When I was in uni, I did a series of interviews for a project I was working on. When you talked about "Sonder", it reminded me of that. How everyone has a novel inside of them. There are ordinary people who have been through things that would put any Hollywood movie to shame and they are out there, just quietly living their lives. I see each person as being their own planet, with their own complex beliefs and systems. With their own internal wars and struggles but also their own creativity and solutions that are unique to their planet. It's like we're all a bunch of walking planets/stars circling eachother in the universe of Earth.

[@iconindexsymbol]

“Shopping” for who you’re around is the worst part of self-care.

[@lauuudd]

yeah it's really toxic. sometimes u just gotta come to terms w the fact that not everyone will meet your high standards

[@medhagoyal]

At first it starts off as a love language (which it is for many people) but when it become an "expectation" or a "task" thats a problem ig.

[@derennogay4305]

What exactly do you mean by shopping? Like buying gifts? I‘m sorry I‘m not a native speaker

[@lauuudd]

@@derennogay4305 basically just making friends to collect them , or just being really picky with who you're around knowing that your standards will rarely be met

[@TheJellyEl]

People are becoming more and more isolated and entitled calling it "self care" no it's not self care you're anti social and selfish. Great video

[@Katniss0000]

It is the other way around. Self care is not being entitled. Being Selfish harms other. while true Self-care, doesn't harm others. The internet/social media makes them isolated not because of self care. Social media makes people entitled/think everyone is available 24/7. They feel sad when they don't get a fast reply. People survive in the past without talking/seeing each other for months. Today. We are so easily connected but feel more isolated.

[@LanaBlakely]

Yep 🤝

[@narlywaves2371]

​@@Katniss0000🤦🏽‍♀️ Wow. Super missing all kinds of points on purpose my dear.

[@sakuraesther6309]

Are we now shaming people for being anti social???

[@Katniss0000]

@@narlywaves2371People need to differentiate Selfishness from self care. To give example. So when I decline a party, so I can go home earlier and get proper sleep. I'm suddenly anti social? People here throwing out being selfish and self care on the same category. self-care doesn’t come at the expense of others. Selfishness is skipping lines and hoarding goods for your well being. pushing people so you can save yourself. Selfish is selfish. Self care is self care. A PEOPLE PLEASER and Entitled people will never understand the importance of self care.

[@silkbuttons]

For someone young you are spot on. Politeness is no longer the baseline, and selfish, heartless behaviour is the baseline. Don’t try to justify it, there should never be a defence for that behaviour. Older people know that.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Well I will say this; politeness, niceness, and kindness have similar meanings, but have different contexts.

[@MrCummings1993]

I feel like I've been treated as disposable by people, so I've cut off and closed off more

[@rina-nv5yr]

Friendships are hard. I had a messy falling out with two of my best friends, we haven’t spoken to each other for 3 years because of it. Last year I decided to reach out to them because I missed them and I knew (via mutual friends) that they missed me too. It definitely was a friendship worth time and effort to mend. I’m so happy I stepped over my ego and took the first step

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Sometimes you just gotta do what's best for yourself, and I understand what this feels like because I've recently had to distance myself from certain individuals who I thought were my friends - and I basically just felt it was best to move on and set personal goals and endeavors for myself. I believe there is no shame in that at all.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Setting boundaries I believe are key as well - especially if you watch YTers like Dr. K (healthy gg gamer), Emma McAdam - therapy in a nutshell, kati morton, nena lavonne, and Julia kristina counseling...just to name a few.

[@rina-nv5yr]

@@EmbraceTheStruggle24 Of course, every situation is different. Sometimes people do treat you badly and you have to distance yourself. By sharing my story I wanted to show that in some cases a relationship could be fixed and is worth being fixed. But I totally understand that It's not always like that. I had those friendship breakups too

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

@@rina-nv5yr yep definitely 💯 everything you described is accurate and relatable :)

[@TheAgentAssassin]

You make me a better person. I've been selfish my entire life. I hope I can love more, share more, give my all to everyone I meet.

[@kavitamins]

Such a fantastic message and love the definition of 'sonder'. Erich Fromm captures this pretty well, "Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either".

[@doctorlovera]

Self is the perfect balance between "Selfish" and "Selfless", it is also de perfect understanding that you may be the "Main character" of your own life, but not the one of someone else's life, or the world, yet you deserve a beautiful development arc, a nice story, and a happy ending... just like anyone else. Great video. 👍👍 I was kinda hoping for a Fred's Cameo 3:35 🐶 Edit: 12:08 Beautiful words BTW. 😊

[@minetekin5993]

that was really eye-opening, a nice conversation. Thanks Lana!

[@Ash_thetic20]

"Just because you don't have to do something, doesn't mean that you shouldn't." Wow. I can't tell you how much I needed this, and the entire video. I had fallen into this pit, thanks to how impressionable I am, but I am glad I decided to watch this. Thanks a lot Lana.

[@wardahasif_]

I love your videos. Its like an elder sister talking to me and calming down my anxiety level 🥹

[@LanaBlakely]

[@fernandojimenez5206]

I'm like the opposite: always felt like I'm just a secondary character for everyone else's life. Maybe not even the second character but an extra who they just meet but not enough important to care about. Maybe I actually need to feel myself as a main character a little bit.

[@Pheakdey2000]

I feel loose sometimes, because i'm stack in the time-loop of overthinking. when we grown up and up it means that we got everything more rough. And sometime i just face to face with the felling of selfish in my life.

[@misswomble]

Our individual perspectives often mirror our collective perspectives. How will we ever have world peace if we treat others as disposable?

[@sassophoto]

to stay in the grey area on this topic.. like Lana said, you definitely can and should feel confident cutting out anyone once you have determined it's not healthy for you and you have taken the relationship into consideration. 🌼 you don't owe anyone or have to do anything that would sabotage your well-being in any way. don't let those situations, however, lock your heart away and prevent you from filling the cups of those who do fill yours back up too. ❤

[@yashdotso]

This video corrects so many things which is wrong with society these days because of taking narratives like self-care, you don’t know anyone, the wrong way. I hope people learn from this so we live in a better and a kind world where everyone is happy and living their best selves without harming or causing pain to others.

[@the_tinted_brush_]

No hate but I'm the main character of my life . I respect everyone and anything . When someone doesn't value me or respect me i cut people of for my own peace . You can't change people but you avoid negative people. It's good for you and your mental health . Be selflessly selfish . Don't do bad to others , Don't think bad for others . But Be grateful what you have . Pray for them but don't allow people who is toxic for you . Yes YOU ARE A MAIN CHARACTER OF YOUR OWN LIFE ❤ SENDING YOU LOVE AND POSITIVE ENERGY ❤️

[@kaveesharajanikanth3256]

Needed this.. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@ElbertPantorilla]

exactly!

[@brendenm4338]

I think you missed the point. Cutting someone off completely is not what they need & not what you want. Cutting someone off, is saying, I matter more. But you don’t. What matters is, being able to have an open discussion on what took place, with understanding.

[@brendenm4338]

Also, you mentioned pray for them & you also mentioned you’re the main character of your life. In Christianity, we understand that God/Jesus is the main character & we follow what God/Jesus says. Because our thoughts are different from Jesus’s thoughts, so are we the main character or is God/Jesus the main character??!!

[@the_tinted_brush_]

@@brendenm4338 We are God's child . God =king 🌸 We = prince and princess 🌸🌸🙏☺️

[@oliverkoehler785]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, so refreshing to hear a voice of compassion and reason. It sometimes seem we as a society like to gaslight ourselves (forgive the zeitgeisty parlance), with this belligerent no contact, walk away, let go terminology and behaviour. There are still people on the receiving end, and for all the emotional abuse and aggression victims claim to suffer from, it's an equally violent and malign method to just cut off. Even if it means retaining the moral high ground, an explanation before breaking off things will always let you leave with your head held high and your morals in tact. Blocking, cancelling, ghosting will never be medicine for the soul.

[@edithead5994]

“Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god.” ― Aristotle

[@nurah.slm-]

your videos always calm me down 🥲

[@LanaBlakely]

I'm glad

[@Unrealisednostalgia]

I think a hugely underrated skill is learning who to give Patience and kindness to.

[@joker-wr8pt]

Whenever I listen to you I feel like someone who's inside me talking the side of I'll never show to the world so appreciate you! 👍

[@LanaBlakely]

And I appreciate you!

[@TomorrowsVibes]

Everyone is so selfish nowadays, it's really crazy. I'm happy I have good people around me that I can show love to and that also show me love, but I also know how hard and lonely it is without this

[@BishounenNerd]

I wish more people could hear this. I'm pretty sure you've just described what's wrong with people in the modern world, and I'm glad that genuine, kind-hearted people like you exist. Thank you for making this video and putting some positive energy out there.

[@melaniegriesemer]

I love that description of “sonder.” Heard it for the first time years ago and it stuck with me. I think about that all the time!! A lighted window at dusk, a stranger passing by on the street…

[@Greenrivers14]

Great video, as a self proclaimed loner I have most definitely done a lot of these things such as cutting people off and cancelling plans.

[@ryans6442]

Self care is not a bad thing once in a while, it just needs to be used to balance life’s necessities not in place of them

[@rhyneshiane2774]

I'm so thankful that I've seen this video pop-up. It correlates to my current situation, where I cut a lot of people in my life last year and I am trying to forgive them on the process to free myself from negativity. I'm glad to view other perspectives✨

[@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTiger]

Lana, that was a wonderful analysis! You’re very keen and eloquent with explaining these concepts of self and defining character. Well done!

[@2704underground]

I gotta be honest, what you explained at the end was pure beauty. Thank you so much for sharing that word with us as well ❤

[@xbaeksky]

I've cut people off my life because they were absolutely shit to me. no matter what explanation or talking I've done it meant nothing, so i stopped replying to their texts and finally never hang out with them again. I don't think i owe anything to those people like others don't owe anything to me. life is already too complicated.

[@brendenm4338]

You missed the point here. Cutting people out is selfish, because healthy people don’t cut people off, healthy people have understanding & can talk things out. If someone was absolute shitty to you, tell them why they hurt you & explain you’ll be over here (in a safe space) waiting for them to join you, so you two can work it out.

[@brendenm4338]

Tell the person who hurt you - hey, I don’t like the way you’re treating me because (x,y,z) … when you feel comfortable talking about it, I’m willing to have a discussion about it. It keeps you open & not cutting them out completely.

[@las9582]

​@@brendenm4338 telling someone about their behavior doesn't mean they are going to change it.

[@Haboobz66]

I came up with different solution.. You don't have to act like you don't owe anyone anything when you just shut out all the people... Exactly as you quoted Jim Carrey - solitude is the way of peace.

[@AnmolSahu]

"Nobody owes you anything", always seemed very odd to me.

[@S.G.W.Verbeek]

We owe our creator at least appreciation for the good things we have in our life 🙂

[@levitorres4617]

Yup. I'm being anecdotal here, but I've never known a truly kind, considerate, and admirable person to ever spew that phrase.

[@mamathemeat]

That something someone says to someone who is actually acting entitled. Have you ever dealt with an entitled person who acts as if the world owes them something?

[@S.G.W.Verbeek]

@mamathemeat Yes I have met someone like that. He threatened me with killing myself because he thought it was me who had opened the dirty dishwasher. Rest in peace, Patrick. I am sorry I let you down 😔 You deserved to be treated with love. You sacrificed your happiness so to give comfort to your dearest ones😔

[@AnmolSahu]

@@mamathemeat The point is not that entitled people don't exist. Of course they do, and one can use the phrase while fighting with them. However, what I have seen is that this phrase is thrown around every now and then in every mild situation. That's what makes it odd. It's like someone sharing their relationship problem with valid expectations but then someone will jump in with "nobody owes you anything". People sharing their personal problems on how they are unable to find a partner or job or whatever and then someone will jump in with "nobody owes you relationship".

[@ishichanxx]

I think the “Main character” thing is more about the energy which can be perceived by the “Side characters” . That's why I always call a classmate of mine “Main character” cus she kind of has the vibe of a protagonist/leader. On the other hand , I can think of myself as the main character of my own life viewing it as a movie but I'm not taking much pride within it since everyone else is feeling the same way about themselves.

[@Stuttsis]

I feel like this is very preached in social media right now? I always see this reels on instagram where people want to be the main character and such. But I wonder how that really applies to people? Do they really follow this? About cutting people off, I just did it once during high school and it was actually a good reason for me to do it. Other than that time, I have never cut someone off. I care about people and my friends and if I care enough, I will make sure to keep them through hard times. I will get into conflicts, talk about it, be patient and try to understand that people behave and choose to do certain things in their own ways, and it´s not to hurt me, as you said, everything is not black and white.

[@doorslam3035]

I watched your videos and enjoyed your wisdom. You're right it's really hard to find deep connections today. Self-awareness is rare nowadays. Selfish people? Not new. We are all in the narcissistic spectrum. Humans's dark tetrad traits will always resurface on our actions. It's an integrated part of ourselves. I disagree, relatively, with the "cutting off people". The most toxic ones are the most broken individuals and they deserve compassion too. We cannot cut off people without a significant amount of hatred. We cannot love those we dont like. And compassion is impossible if we cannot like them - in a sense that they hold positive and precious qualities too.

[@Winterisnicee]

I do agree with the video, but I still think that while being kind is amazing, we all need to keep boundaries, and the 'selfish' mindset isn't completely wrong in my opinion, after all we'll all have different mindsets and pov and that's ok, while we still respect eachother ❤

[@TimelesslyModern]

I think people take a quote and apply it to suit their wants and needs. Life is about balance. You owe people kindness, honesty, politeness and basic decency. You don’t owe strangers more than that in my opinion. However, people you love deserve way more than that. Self love doesn’t mean you stop loving or giving to others to give to yourself. You can do both. You can love others and yourself. One doesn’t come at the cost of the other.

[@lock6512]

I used to give people too many chances after letting me down a lot and being generally bad friends. Ever since I started cutting toxic people off I feel much better with myself. Its a constant struggle to put of with people like that and those few people really dont make up the struggle you go to.

[@myisha9254]

This message is needed in these times

[@abcdefg216]

I do agree alot! In my family it is my grandmothers generation that worked hard, were happy and helped everyone in need and my mothers generation that did decide to become the the total oposit not having any obligations, no need to help others etc, the one generation I k ow that was happy recieving but not giving, I hope my children can become some balanced version that keep their integrity and healt and happiness and also help others because helping others make the world better and you feel good for helping and you get alot of friends. My grandma died at 96, and had tons of ppl loving her (she kept her integrity)... My mums generation have funerals where no one will come, its sad I think.

[@LanaBlakely]

Whoa. The funeral thing is so real. Thank you for sharing.

[@epic_paul27]

Ive seen many people who are selfish like that and I hate those people and im honestly glad they ghost me cuz I don’t wanna talk to them but also some situations were sad whenever I was friends with someone for so long then they just block me because I said something they didn’t like, one thing.

[@prlids]

I totally agree with you. Deep connections are rare. Once I had a friend who I shared a very deep connection with, we were best friends. I always knew she has cut people off before, but I never expected her to do that to me. After the first conflict we had she just started to forcefully drift away from me. When we discussed the problem, she said that we are good, but deep down she never forgive anything.I have forgiven a lot to my friends, because I know that no one is perfect. I have 25 years old friendships that in the end of the day have given me more good than bad. I could never cut off anyone just like this. The problem with this is that people who cut friends out will end up being alone and lonely. This is sad.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Well I believe they're called 'deep connections for a reason' because they are meant to be special ^_^ otherwise the deep meaningfulness would not be as treasured as it is if it wasn't special in the first place ... eventually it would be taken for granted and become boring.

[@sel__sels]

She will always be my fav. I love her. Thank you lana. Thank you so much for not being like those self centred people

[@SumSolutionsco]

I like your ideas and your assessment of all of this. The only thing that pops into my mind is looking at people who have been thru so much starting from a young age. I can understand someone if they act flakey or would rather be with nobody or be alone, it just can be frustrating when those traits are affecting the people around them and making them feel weird as well. I myself have been thru the ringer with one relationship in particular, and for a very long time I wanted nothing to do with anyone besides 3-4 close friends that I would talk to. People need to take more time to heal before they jump out into social interactions again.

[@Andrew-p7q]

It’s been awhile since I’ve watched Lana Blakely’s videos but glad life has brought me back! Missed you Lana thank you for the videos!!

[@dumbgenious1960]

You never miss. I wish I had a friends like you irl. Great job on the video

[@EngBlinders]

Just before you mentioned 'Sonder' it popped up in my head. I've been in love and awe with what it means♥ Thanks for sharing it to the world.

[@prachiparasar9378]

Your voice is so calming

[@LanaBlakely]

Thank you ☺️

[@seangregory8177]

I was just thinking the same thing. :)

[@saradixit2012]

Such a well-made, insightful video ❤ I agree that although things aren’t always our business to care or worry about, we should do all in our power to help others. That’s what makes us human.

[@timbrown9731]

My father is Italian and my mom is German Swedish. My dad would always instill in me. What I say I do……in business My father used to say all you need is my word, and that holds true to me almost to fault…… when I need to be somewhere I’m usually 10 minutes early if my friend needs help, I try and help them. Family has always come first, and will always.

[@kira-9-1-1]

Actually I always thought not owning means doing sweet things to others and NOT keeping account of that. You did because that made you feel happy :)

[@georgecarlin2656]

The perspective on things at the end of the video is particularly beautiful and enigmatic :)

[@evalunanera6157]

After shitty experience I think it's not bad to be selfish often. 😅

[@chichou9763]

I was also wondering the same thing my good friend recently cut me off out of nowhere,she didn't even have a conversation with me about what could be possibly wrong.she does that a lot with other friends thinking it's always her choice and never bother to think about the other person perspective

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Lana, you deserve an A++ for all the amazing content and discussion you put out 😊 your authenticity is unrivaled and remarkably consistent ;)

[@kflecha1]

This is so true!! Lana always inspires me ❤ positive vibes to everybody here. The most important thing is to work on yourself 💓

[@divyanshipandey9739]

The timing of this video 😭✨

[@NFSMAN50]

Great video Lana, definitely gonna hurt some people's feelings, but people need to learn and be aware! The truth hurts!

[@UtkarshChoudhary-qh3mw]

I was having a normal conversation with a good friend of mine about choosing universities. There is this one that is a central university and I swore I wouldn't go there out of my own ego of not wanting to chase a state run university because courses for me were limited due to stream choices. Eventually i figured out that prospects would be much better if I scored and got into the tier 1 colleges of the university and my friend pointed out how adament I was and didn't want to listen. I wanted to defend myself (like I have often) but I just said oh i was pretty wrong. At that moment I felt something hit me, it was a realization how selfish I was with whatever my opinion was and how much it could impact conversations. Saying out loud "I was wrong about XYZ" is way easier than we think, and it could revolutionize a relationship with anyone.

[@terzanivan]

I'd like to give my two cents on that question about snatching somebody's camera. The long and short of it is that imo it's about the presently accepted social context. When you're out on a stroll that context is that anyone can do whatever is socially normalized. You can take photos and those who can relate will be considerate. "Oh, that person is enjoying this moment, so am I." And I feel that when anyone establishes this simple relationship with another, they wouldn't get creative about interfering with the other's moment. You achieve sonder, to a degree. But if you can't relate, and whatever the other is doing is somehow interfering with your space then a conflict emerges, and I think that's what is going on in gyms. People go to gyms to invest in themselves in the fullest sense - money, time and body are involved. And the social context at the gym is that what everyone is investing and the only thing they're getting out of all that investment is health. All of these are already super personal. So having anyone else seemingly try to achieve something that is not health - like financial benefits, or popularity is suddenly outside the accepted social context's bubble. Which makes demanding your own space for achieving financial benefits or popularity feel obnoxious. Suddenly those around you must shift to accommodate your needs. Which they might do, if they could relate to your needs, but they can't because you've provided no reasoning outside wanting to achieve those things that seemingly benefit you and only you. So to me, that's main character syndrome. It's demanding others to shift around your current goals regardless of what their own goals are and what they have already invested in achieving those goals. To that end - I wouldn't snatch the camera, but I'd bump it :)

[@LanaBlakely]

"Those who can relate will be considerate." This is exactly it. Thank you :)

[@boomerangerful]

This is why i often wonder what the fine line between selfishness and self-love is in today's society.

When I started to watch I remember you said the opposite in previous videos. I do appreciate the fact that you admit it :)

[@Esthetic03]

Thankyou Lana.. ❤ your guidance during my isolation period means alot.

[@najianaser6968]

See I'm 37 now . I have been always afraid to cut ties with people in my life , those who seemed bored with me ,hurting me in many ways ,I have considered it a hard thing to do

[@Mnndp]

I first discovered you on Spotify and here I am! 2 years I guess though not sure! Your videos are very calm to listen and makes one at ease and peace❤❤

[@CheffScott]

Thought-provoking reflection on human connections.

[@rudrakshkumar6217]

and here I am full of positive energy now again :D . Totally worth 18 minutes

[@eternalfire2234]

I’m conflicted. If you suddenly realize that you’re being manipulated in every aspect of your life serving the will of others and neglecting yourself in the process of appeasing the high demands of them then No. clearly communicating to others for needing to withdraw and reflect is not wrong, it’s creating space for calculated assessments in determining if you need to make change in your life. It is healthy and sometimes not having the impressions and biases of others can help you make better decisions. I’m flabbergasted that this could be looked down upon. Am I wrong here? Any thoughts?

[@CeCeHoran22]

It depends on the situation if I’ll move out of the photo or not. If it’s on a trail or at a pretty sight, I’ll wait and let them get the photo or offer to take it for them. If you’re somewhere it’s busy and bustling, like the streets of NYC, screw your photo I’m going to keep walking. 😅

[@husnainraza2334]

You've turned out to be even more prettier now, watching your video after one year ❤. Gorgeous Lana with positivity.

[@horeshhead]

"do you snatch their camera and walk away?" Lana has a story to tell us lol

[@LanaBlakely]

😄

[@amandamichelle7.77]

thank you so much for this

[@Agent.K.]

Imagine someone getting upset because you refuse to take the headache they cause you 🤔

[@ryand6671]

I've noticed a lot about what you said on selfishness being on trend especially online, sure there are still levels of it in real life but I've only really seen the wild extremes of it online. At one point I realized it was effecting the way I acted and I've tried to change since then. I wouldn't say the internet is bad for its increasing proliferation of this stuff its just I feel like so many people are unaware of it and don't care cuz 'it's too hard to care'. I'm not sure how it happened but I've noticed my generation (genz) can care a lot but also so little and when we don't care it feels were tired. no idea what any of this means I guess everything after the first sentence is me rambling

[@blouecore]

finally someone who talk about this!! I love you lanaaaa and thank you so much for everything ❤❤

[@emilymenjivar6138]

As a writer and artist, Sonder is something I feel often ❤

[@jemi_]

My question is (aside from therapy), how do we recover from the friendships that have ended because of the other person's main character syndrome? How do you let go when they ghost you for something minor (such as living in different tax brackets and not being able to afford to accompany them on their fancy brunches)? I got ghosted 6 months ago and it still hurts and bothers me that a person who I invested in for several years could cut me off just like that. I'd really love some advice on this topic - I journal, talk to other people about it, try to live in the present and not think of the past, but it's still bothering me a lot.

[@harry69007]

Loving the content. I've had a stressful week and this has been a great video to watch after it. I look forward to your videos whenever they're released Lana and I'm currently making my way through your podcast series. Hope you're doing well and thanks for the amazing content which I love to watch to learn from and to build on things I may have already known.

[@ritchiewong16]

Hi Lana 👋, I personally didn’t have to worry too much about cutting people out of my life, as I’ve already had my fair share of people cutting me out of their lives out of nowhere (at least that’s how things look on my end). The only reason it would be necessary for me to cut people out of my life is if I have to set boundaries from people who 1. don’t respect me as much as I respect them 2. simply treat others (including me) terribly when the latter deserves the complete opposite 3. put me in situations where I could potentially compromise my own morals and values and the list goes on. I think the general essence of main character syndrome has a lot to do with those prioritizing their individual selves over other people, especially at the expense of dignity and respect for others. Main character energy on the other hand, applies to those prioritizing their individual selves for the sake of not only their own well-being, but also that of other people. Sending you lots of love!!! ❤️❤️❤️🤗 P.S. I would’ve loved to see Fred 🐶😍