How to Stop Asking Your Partner About Their Past | RetroactiveJealousy.com

[@Jadewizard]

Thank you, Zachary! I have had and am working hard to resist these tendencies with my boyfriend. We’ve built a nice foundation and I’m working extra hard to overcome insecurities and anxieties including therapy. This has been very helpful and it got to the heart of the matter for a problem that affects millions!

[@ZacharyStockill]

You’re very welcome, Jade.

[@alexanderbjorling6825]

I struggle a lot with retroactive jealousy and I have struggled in previous relationships DEEPLY with this. I asked my partner question after question, and I still struggle with RJ but for once I have finally stopped asking the questions and no longer feel the strong urge to ask. It came to a situation where we almost broke up because of it, it was an enormous eye opener for me to see how my questions affected her. I had to stop because I can't see her suffer because of me and I had to stop to keep her in my life. At that point of almost breaking it all, I realised how little all of these thoughts meant in comparision to our relationship. I still struggle, I still dwell but I never torment my partner and I let these thoughts come and go, and it has become a LOT better and a LOT easier to deal with. For you who read this, ask yourself if you were to lose your partner would any of your thoughts about the past affect you? Is the pain of your own thoughts worse than the pain of losing your loved one?

[@santiagorivera2106]

Honestly, wouldn’t bother me. If she was insecure about something I would reassure her as many times as it took. Patience and understanding.

[@KrystalLaHaye]

I can’t believe I never have been able to identify what my problem was . Till I found your videos today . I goggled what to do if your boyfriends x is trying to get him back . I hate how I have been reacting its horrible.

[@MrBigWaveDave23]

I just discovered the term RJ tonight and realized that I have this issue. I'll say though that after watching several of your videos and asking myself a lot of questions that I already feel so much better. The weight has literally lifted off of my heart. I subscribed just to make sure I have this resource at my fingertips for future use but I think I'm OK now. Thanks for your advice. Truly eye-opening

[@ZacharyStockill]

Good to hear.

[@pstreetgarage7304]

You hit the nail on the head every time. Your words are wise and encouraging

[@raymahannah4336]

You hit the biggest nail on the head for me. Unattractivness is caused by RJ OCD. Thanks! 🙂

[@ZacharyStockill]

Very welcome.

[@res340]

This is a great video. Hit many good points. Attractive to yourself, funny but great. I am going to try to be someone who would be attracted to myself physically and emotionally. I’ve lacked the confidence due to childhood violence. I do think RJ is a combination of lack of confidence, jealousy and OCD.

[@kit.e6864]

never knew this was a real thing, thought it was just an issue i had. I always worry maybe an ex was treated better better, did more for them, more time with them, etc. what if there's our intuition telling us something is wrong like cheating or feelings for an old flame?

[@ZacharyStockill]

Some additional viewing for you here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/i5fNoKuFiLmEmpo

[@leehamlet5900]

Your point about attraction is fascinating and I won't let it split up my current relationship through RJ.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Good stuff, Lee.

[@chrissaenz4537]

This happened with my girlfriend and I. Now I understand why she didn't feel attracted to me after I asked her questions about her male friends or guys she's dated.

[@ciarananan]

Very helpful, thank you

[@amandamoore9010]

I think I have this...... Especially knowing that he met his ex in person and meet me on social media

[@mikethomeas576]

Although this is definitely an issue...I've been guilty of itmyself in the past, and it can be a problem, I've found at times I would all of the sudden start doing this with my wife...out of nowhere. It was a 20+ year marriage. She would ask "where's this coming from all of the sudden"? I'd say Idk she'd mention we went over this. I even one time stated that this is the last time, before you end up leaving my ass, I just need the truth about some things because something is just not feeling settled or whatever. I needed this to stop. I needed it to not just pop up, out of nowhere... years later. Well, low and behold we eventually ended up getting divorced 25 years into the marriage Not for my retroactive questioning, obsession, Ijealousy.. nope ! It was her Inappropriate behavior with other men, emotional affairs and actual cheating which she said I had to have known because that's was when I would get "wierd" and start doing this retroactive questioning thing. There was only one time she said that there was actually nothing going on at the time. My point is I believe sometimes when this doesn't resolve itself and you find yourself all of the sudden our of nowhere obsessing over these things, sometimes years later, there may be more to it and a very good reason why you would be doing that

[@Severe_stomach_distention]

Excellent video and advice.

[@jurijkratz4792]

Thank you so much, this helps a lot.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Glad to hear.

[@marciefubose7461]

Learned a lot from this video thank you

[@marciefubose7461]

I’m a big overthinker and I ask so many questions and I lost my boyfriend for a few days but we are working it out everyday at a time! This has been a great start to my journey!

[@dilwich]

Thanks Zach.

[@joshuan6599]

Zach , what if I have asked questions , and now I know everything in detail ? I’m talking graphic details ? I want to be with my partner more than anything, but I can’t get the information that I have gathered out of my head.

[@rayankinalski9796]

im like that too...eager for and answer

[@Arteus73]

Just did that till the marrow bone and it´s the worst thing I've ever did in my life. I became a true detective and rape enterely my partner privacy. I injected me lots of poison and now I live in a 24 hrs nightmare. This is brutal. BEWARE OF DOING THIS

[@pstreetgarage7304]

Im in the same situation. I tell myself that i love my partner. She has a past as i do. I consider myself lucky that she chose me as her last and maybe best partner. She is beautiful. She could be with someone else but she chose me. The mental images fir me are OCD. Which i have always had. Not necessarily her fault.

[@mattjohnson6047]

You must let go of your ego. Understand one day you and your partner will die. You must understand you will grow old, and so will she. You see beautiful women every day, there are beautiful men too. Even if she was a virgin she would admire their beauty and wonder about being with them; this is natural. You are putting your ego above the natural order of the universe. Accept that you are a blade of grass, and simultaneously allow yourself to foster attachment for her. Healthy attachment. With no mind, there is no jealousy. With no fear, you cannot be stopped.

[@FlyingEagleAM]

What if your partner is the one constantly asking questions, and talking about past people?

[@ZacharyStockill]

There is no substitute for leaning how to set (and maintain) crystal clear boundaries.

[@V27RV]

Thx man

[@glockstitch]

Thank you so much.

[@daramfonakpanobong3838]

Hello Zachary! I appreciate all your work. It is really helpful. I have a specific question and it is quite lengthy for comment section. Where can I ask you?

[@ZacharyStockill]

Glad to hear, Daramfon. Please see this page: www.retroactivejealousy.com/contact/

[@airacannillelalic5732]

You are the best

[@chrissaenz4537]

What if my girlfriend shared things about men that made me feel like she enjoyed the attention from men?

[@ZacharyStockill]

Impossible for me to speculate.

[@LiveToFly-Br]

RJ is not attractive. Stop asking question is a must. Nevertheless, your partern, if he/she loves you, and knows you for a good extend of time, will understand the phase and will not change his/her perception of you. Hopefully LOL

[@rcouso1968]

Excellent brother well said ! Would love to chat on the telephone with you ? How is that possible ?

[@ZacharyStockill]

Thanks, Rich. Please see this page for all info about signing up for one-on-one coaching and/or contacting me: www.retroactivejealousy.com/contact

[@dipatynjm9739]

If only he had stopped asking me all those stupid questions......

[@just_in_time1399]

I'm watching your videos too late.