“My Girlfriend Was Promiscuous in Her Past...Should I Be Concerned?” Q & A | RetroactiveJealousy.com

[@ZacharyStockill]

Get all the details about my new masterclass for overcoming retroactive jealousy here: jealousy.samcart.com/products/path-to-peace/

[@iggs67]

Yes, a promiscuous girl will bring chaos, don't walk, RUN.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Sometimes, walking (or running) away is indeed the right choice for everyone involved.

[@SyphonBeatz]

I think its also important to consider sometimes they had a rough childhood, didn't have a dad to help guide them so they looked for that in other guys. Just because they have a higher number doesn't always mean they were trying to just date casually. If they worked through those issues and continue to, even realizing they made poor choices or even regret them I think that should be approached with more empathy rather then judgment. Only if she shows you it was a phase and she has truly changed and is no longer that person. That's something that has helped me get through this

[@jocampos7002]

I believe in God, indeed I do, and I know my faith has been growing a lot. But I would apreciate sone advice. I know only I can solve this problem, and I dont want to have my vision blurry... Soo I rn that I decided to have 2 weeks break from they bough. I'll put things this way, the first girl, I have been with her for 5 years, almost 6. She has vallues, a father figure, and catholic, always ready to help others. But I guess I started losing my interess in her because I was second guessing if she was/is the girl for me. Yes, she is consistent, she helps, and have only slept with me. But there is another side, were I got really disturbed. She has some ego problems -like the truth/logic is on her face, in a clear way, and she is soo proud... Keeps denying... She has entitlement issues... And the thing its a great issue, is the lack of critical thinking... I dont know I feel that I cherish her, I like her, but I dont know... her parents have spoiled her very much, Im not sure if even I like her, and we have a strong bond, if she has the capacities for a marriage, in terms of living a real life... Sometimes she gets hostile, and say passive agressive things to try to hurt me... soft.. But Its not nice...I am afraid that her ego issues, a litle entitulement, a bit lack of understanding others point of views, and her "princess" lifestyle may be a problem in the future. Sometimes I feel like its acting, or not 100% deep.. And the fact we sin easylly, And that is my fault too.. I mean, you must know how to clean, raise children, be smart, and feel faith We also have sexual sined for a lot of years.. And This is on me, but I cant or have extreme dificulties "controling my lust around" her Its a "At least we are in a relationship", "When we get marry it will stop be a sin" mentality I mean she is catholic but I dont know how to say, but sometimes I feel like she lacks some intelectual and deepness in some ways... But for real, she has values, understands (or makes me believe) that sex is not for any person, she cherish her intimacy, but its superficial in some ways... It the past she had showed some issues I trully didnt like, Ego problems, superficiality, some arrogance, two faces when we were with her family or friends... Sometimes I fear that I may have created a bound with a girl I should not And I gave her time because of that, but, even she is not super hot, she only slept with me, shes caring in her way, and has strong values... But somethings she doesnt have personal opinion? I feel like its missing critical thinking, and empathy in some ways... But she is resilient, and consistent, and dont let go easy. The second girl, I have met her while working. To be honest, I was tired of my ex girlfriend ego issues, that lead to strong fights, for stupid things.. And I swear that I have tried to stop looking at this other girl, trying to stop conecting to her... But as things went wrong my ex girlfriend, things were going fine with this other girl I respected the fact that she was working, she liked psycology, she was simple, always ready to help, sweet and nice in many ways. I tried not to, but indeed she melted my heart in some ways. Than, I found out she smoked weed, drinked badly, believed in astrology, piercings... welll, I did not judge her, because I have been there too... I had my past where I smoked, and grown a lot of weed, and got drunk sometimes, I had my past were I could not sense God. And was suposelly and atheist... But thanks to God I found my way out. And I wanted the best for her. Recue her in some ways. Some things were smart, intelectual, easy going. Others I was a little bit riscky and imprudent. For example, I was not even smoking, but I did one thing for her. I would smoke with her, if she promissed that we would not smoke for a week.Then I would smoke with her, then we do not smoke for two weeks... Then we dont smoke for a month... Then two months... Then 4 months... And now? We dont even want to smoke. And we had the chance, we just putted that asside and pray. Thanks God. I feel like, with the help of God, and its mainly God, I dived in the ocean of her problems. Of her issues... I gave her flowers, on the first day by surprise, when she showed me her face for the first time with no piercings. For showing her that the way God naturally made her is the most beautifull.... I made her understand that astrology is deceiving, and dangerous, and that makes more sense to love and be guided by the creator of the stars, that be guided by the stars themselves. In the beggining, I was craving my sexual sins and so did she, we slept togetter, had lots of sex. THAT IS A PROBLEM. The only thing I regret. But then we got above that sin. For my surprise we did. I cherish our intelectual, loving, funny godly talks. She doesnt fit with the world either. Now she does not smoke, nothing, not even tobaco. Not getting drunk.. She is studying. She is following God. Goes to the church and prays. She stopped sleeping around and seems to have better bondaries. Understands sexuality.. No piercings... And I love to see her happy, healty, with a future. She quited her social midia, and Im gona be honest, I trully wish her the best. We are similar, I could say I love her in some ways. She is very smart, inteligent, nice to people, empath most of the times expecially with kids and the ones in need. I feel like she feels things in a deeper way. And I am not joking. I feel very very bad for her, because its not her fault her father is not in her life, and that she has a extreme selfish narcissitic manipulative mother, who even though ther spiritisms... Its not her fault that she ended up in the world getting used by guys, and having fisical, emotional and spiritual damages... Trying to fulffil her heart with lust, pleasure, bad companies, psychedelic trips... And I have been there too so I trully wanted to help her... I feel that she is similar to me... And we have a" push to the right way efect" on each other. Even sexually and that amazes me. Sometimes i feel I grow in faith with her, we even pray the rozary. But for real, I also feel I cant ignore the signs. -50/70 minimum people she has had sex with before at 22years old Huge mother issues -Not a father figure -Having lots of guy "friends" -porn -Drugs -alcool -Emotional instability, mood swings -tantrums, and Anger issues. Trully anger issues -Self harm, she cutted her self in the past, beated herself -Avoiding responsability -Sometimes, unespectes selfishness, she has some issues understanding other points of view Im not dumb. I cant spot all the Red flags. I can realise that I may be blind to the truth. And probably even I find her -inteligente -smart -deep talk -understanding -helper, knows how to clean, and economically responsable -likes to read I mean I like her very very much... But I feel like she may be to broken.. She may not trully pair bond... Psychological damages... Traumas... I dont want my kids to know her mother had sex with multiple partners, sometimes at the same time... She is similar to me, I dont judge her, I dont make her feel bad, but I cant ignore she had 50/70 minimum guys with her, and the damage that that type of promiscuity makes... Most of all, I am afraid that she is a temptation between me and my ex girl? She still loves me, but I know she is getting tired too... And she may not be that smart, that inteligent, and have problems but at least I never question her love, and I know she only had sex and trully bounded with me. I wonder what Jesus would tell me... "You are right, the first girl is materialistic, and those ego problems are gona ruin you, in the future, she needs to seek god and put in practice genuilly. You were young and rushed in sex and its a bound you should break. And keep with the ex sinner girl because now she is redeimed, she is new and the bond of love will be stronger. The ex sinner girl makes you grow with her more than the other you know that" "Keep the first girl, who trully loves you , and always have been there for you, love her, start chasity values, lead in a example of god, do the right thing for her, dont follow tempation, you are blinded by love and you have lust the sinner girl, watchout for not loosing the love of your life. Dont be fooled, even if she seem to have changed be prudent and love the one who was here before" "Leave them both, not good for you" "Leave them both, regret your sins, you dont deserve neither one of them." Sometimes I feel more like the last one... Because I was divided in my feelings and that is messed up I dont want my insecurities to make me believe she is dommed because of her past. That is not what Jesus would do. If I dont forgive others, how will he forgive me? I also grow and feel way saint around her. I dont want to keep a bond that may not be trully good for me, of my ex girlfriend. What does it matter if shes only slept with me, but follows the world and God in practice is not the first priority? Material world I dont want to be decceived and ignore the fact that this girl is too damaged, broken, god forgives but will she sin again? We all do fall, with all those serious issues i know its almost 100% sure Im gona get hurt. I dont want to have messed up my pair bonding with my ex, and ahe really is the love of my life I dont know what to do. I want to follow Gods will. God knows its true. I may sin, I may not be perfect, but i seek him and ask for forgiveness. I want to submit to God fully. I wish and trully think that may be one of these girls. And I am soo afraid of not understanding the signs, or interpret bad, or even that even God loves me Im a sinner not in grace and he wont show me the signs... But I think its more about I understanding them Of these girls, I would like to marry the one God trully has for me. I dont know what to do... Thanks for your time. God may bless you, greeting from Portugal

[@tyronedawson8553]

This idea doesn't consider the fact that promiscuity causes psycological and physical changes in that woman . It's not a simple matter of her going through a phase. Its about how those activities changed her in a negative way and makes her more likely to divorce you

[@Drikkerbadevand]

​@@tyronedawson8553the thing is if you vet a woman well enough and keep emotions out of it, by the time you actually sleep with her, you'll know her quality.. If you met her in a bar and had a one night stand, chances are she has done that alot.. If you dated her for a month or two before, that's probably what she did with the other guys, and in my opinion that shows she is concerned about the quality of men she lets in her life. The thing is when you get to know them, if you don't let yourself be blinded by love, you can probably tell if they're damaged/has trauma from a promiscuous past.. Asking ver early ln in dating what she's looking for in a relationship is a good indicator too. What I found helps is realizing women aren't math problems. 12 long term partners or 1 body but with a stranger in a club toilet or alley? There's always a story and even some girls were pressured by their slutty friends.. girls like to drag each other down man, it's sad sometimes.. Anyways the most important thing is if you like her, you click, and she prioritizes you, and don't show signs of FOMO etc.

[@tyronedawson8553]

@Drikkerbadevand high body count matters. Even if you chose to pursue a relationship or marriage, your strategy should change based on her past decisions and partners.

[@Drikkerbadevand]

@@tyronedawson8553 of course it does.. But the facts are if you want happiness in life you have to take the blue pill to a certain degree.. there arent enough perfect women out there for everyone

[@kevh7941]

"Going deep with one person instead of shallow with many" man that quote is deep

[@K.DaWriterKid]

After so many shallow connections. It’s a little hard for me to believe.

[@webhero6088]

Something also worth considering: one can have problems with the promiscuous past of his or her partner, because he or she involuntarily didn’t experience such a phase. I know it worked that way for me. I have been single for long periods of time, but was just too shy and insecure to be sleeping around (even though I wanted to). When I met my partner who did have this adventurous past it made me angry and sad… simply sprouting from actual jealousy OF her past. I’ve luckily come to terms with the fact that everyone has its own path, and it only matters what person you choose to be now. This channel helped me a lot to realize that.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Very glad to hear.

[@Drikkerbadevand]

I agree I definitely have aspects of those feelings

[@Lilyspeanutbutter-n4g]

I just feel like i missed out by being shy. I had chances and deopped the ball

[@ElectricGuitarStyles]

Zack..the man helping men attain peace for the past 10 years . You’re doing God’s work.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Appreciate it, Joseph.

[@rorytinsley]

I met my partner when she was 39. We both lived in a smallish town. I travelled the world for over 10 years. My partner tells me she has slept with 19 guys and im struggling to believe her. I have found out she has slept with people just for fun. This is all killing me and making me depressed that i am now on tablets. Can anyone help.

[@ZacharyStockill]

@@rorytinsley You can start here, for free: www.retroactivejealousy.com/free-mini-course

[@frankielyman8769]

Get off the pills. Secondly, no one is worth that lack of peace of mind. Perhaps you need to leave her if it upsets you that much

[@ChrisP-ni4lz]

Get off pills. Find someone else .. their past will eat you alive and you will always compare yourself to them Hope you find peace

[@__-vk9hx]

I have been in this situation and I'll be honest with you I couldn't overlook her past and could see the effects of it on her. I have been fortunate to find a woman who is waiting for marriage and I am much happier now.

[@strangedotmachine9281]

This is good. So helpful. Thank you.

[@ZacharyStockill]

You’re very welcome.

[@shelbymccamy582]

Zach, I ended up buying your audiobook in 2019 and it helped me immensely. I am a woman in my early twenties, and at that time I was really obsessive about my husbands past with his exes. I could not handle the thoughts I would have and could not understand why it bothered me so much. Sometimes, I would rationalize that it was me wanting someone who had the same values, but mostly it was insecurity that he enjoyed his life with others more before me, even though they ended badly for him. Just finding out that my compulsions had a name and listening to the first few chapters completely rid me from my obsessive thoughts. However, I have been recently impacted by a betrayal from my husband, thus it has sparked my obsessions of the past to come back. Some has been with past relations, but most are me being obsessed with who he was as person to try to "figure him out". I want to constantly know "the truth" and believe if I look at his past I can get my answers to see if he is who he says he is--or that it relieve intense assumptions I have. It often leads to petty things like comments he has made years or ago or posts. I do not even use social media anymore yet I got back on to do this, which is incredibly embarrassing to admit. With that being said, I am now back here again to try to stop myself from falling into a vicious cycle that stops me from living and healing. Is my obsessiveness about his past (and even our past together early on) still considered retroactive jealously even though it is not all about his sexual past? I want to be sure I can apply these techniques in my current situation. I will say that the obsessiveness is identical to how you describe RJ/OCD. I always need to find more in order to "ease" or "relieve" my unwanted thoughts and urges. Yet, it is never enough and there is always another thought and urge that I need to "satisfy" in order to understand 'who he is'. I look forward to any insight you can offer and I am so grateful that you have resources out like this. Also, I never realized this was more common in men, that is interesting, I don't know why but I figured that women would struggle more. All i can say, is that I am so glad I am not alone.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Glad you're finding the audiobook helpful, Shelby. Hang in there.

[@shelbymccamy582]

@@ZacharyStockill Thank you so much, Zach! So, it still applies even to obsessing about our partners past in general, even if it is not solely about their past partners and sexual history? (although that is a part for me as well) Thanks! xx

[@ZacharyStockill]

@@shelbymccamy582 Absolutely, yes.

[@jeffguzman6497]

What if a old hookup texted her asking for sex? Mine entertained him before blocking him 😭

[@lancelancer8313]

not to be a jackass, but are you fucking stupid??? dump her ass immediately - NEVER tolerate that shit. Be respectful, be courteous, and always be ready to walk away.

[@GamersClipsinfinity]

Im sorry but its no ones responsibility to take on someone who has little control and self respect. If a woman has had a promiscuous past, make your decision wisely because if a man is ultimately responsible for a woman given that in break up a woman is more likely to leave, with potential to take everything you have depending on the level of relationship, then understand that if this is your outcome, you the man will be responsible. Remember, we all are required to do background checks with applying for credit and jobs for a reason, this is no different. All women, yes all will lie and withhold information about herself. So take everything eith a pinch of salt and focus on yourself. The rest will follow.

[@ZacharyStockill]

@@GamersClipsinfinity Where in this video do I say people should “take on someone who has little control or self respect?”

[@GamersClipsinfinity]

You mentioned that women and men go through phases. In a woman's case it's called the hoe phase. Now yes men do this too but is looked at completely different because of our values not being the same. Also these phases do have an impact on how we behave in the future. The more people we allow into ourselves has an impact in how we treat people in our lives. Women who have a phase tend to come out more bitter, less attached, more trauma, higher rates of depression etc, where as men will come out with abundance, confidence, options which then leads us into a cycle of allowing women to rack up more bodies... So my point being that, just because we go through phases, doesn't discredit the fact her phase has a consequence on her outcome. Yes it's true she has a choice, but choices have consequences. So it isn't our responsibility to ignore a woman's past as a phase we go through, it's a sign of the character of who she is. It shows she has low rejection and high access. This means she will struggle to settle when she knows she doesn't have to. This is fine if the outcomes (depending on circumstances were equal, but they aren't) therefore it is more important for a man to bet and judge her behaviour before investing into her. For the woman, they need to take responsibility on the fact that yes you can have “phases” but their outcome will be determined by this. She has a choice, she could say no, allow the man to wait, negotiate what she wants (relationship) ultimately she'll look respectful and more desirable, even if the man misleads her. Ultimately all behaviours must be taken into consideration and not dismissed as a phase like it's ok. Well I guess it is ok but that depends on the type of person you want, how you view yourself and willing to pay for the consequences of you make a bad decision. Like I said, no one is obligated to take anyone on if it does not suit your standards.

[@ZacharyStockill]

@@GamersClipsinfinity There is a lot of generalizing and straw-manning going on with your comments, but I agree: sometimes, moving on is the best choice for everyone involved, as I say endlessly on my channel.

[@GamersClipsinfinity]

@@ZacharyStockill well until an outcome of a relationship between a man and woman is carried out fairly, men need to be highly judgemental and cautious. It's a simple solution. Women want relationships and all that it brings from a man. Men want access to sex with the support and respect from a woman. So women need to stop allowing easy access without negotiation. Understand that a quality man will not look past promiscuous behaviour which are the men women want. So it's simple, get respect from a man by respecting yourself. As well as have realistic expectations and sexual market value. Men need to stop tricking women into sex by lying about their intentions because all we're doing is creating a society of women we won't trust and get repulsed by her actions. We wouldn't eat off a strangers plate without feeling grossed out. Men also need to up their status in order to be attentive. Only weak men who pretend to be the nice guy at tolerant to a woman's bad behaviour or sexual past, these are the same guys who end up being needy, obsessive, build their whole world around a woman because they haven't got much else to offer, these are the same men who become stalkers, abusive when they lose control of the woman. So once we both understand we play a role in relationships, take responsibility and accountability for when things go wrong, we'll get along just fine. Have you been through family court over children, finances and assets etc? Once you realise that only the man takes full responsibility for a woman's behaviour good or bad, it's incredibly important to know who you're letting into your life, I could embrace or end it and the probability of a woman rinsing you is higher in women with higher body counts because they lack morality.

[@jeffguzman6497]

What if an old hookup texting my gf asking for sex? Mine entertained him before blocking him 😭​@@GamersClipsinfinity

[@jimbob2525]

I would love it if more men just held to their values and passed on promiscuous women. Find someone who was marriage material and shared a sense of self control. We have normalized sleeping around to outrageous proportions that we have lost the ability to pair bond. Fellas just keep on moving if she has a high body count and save your money, Time, and energy on someone worthy of you.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Sometimes, moving on is the best choice for everyone involved.

[@ZacharyStockill]

@Martin-rh7mf No biting here :) Sometimes, moving on is the right move for everyone involved, including the woman you're with. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever.

[@wecanonlywish9194]

Its not a 100%.. But the lower the number of hookups an attractive woman has had...the better the odds are of decency and quality of the woman. Promiscuity rewires the brain...and it AFFECTS both parties. You have NOTHING greater to give to another human being, than your body. As the numbers increase, it becomes easier and easier to the point of just becoming animalistic. Tread carefully, young men and women.

[@leoplua7874]

What about those Women that has over 30 Body count?

[@ZacharyStockill]

What about them?

[@zacharybarker7189]

Never take those serious.

[@wecanonlywish9194]

It All simply boils down to the TRUTH. If he/she lies..walk. if not, you know what you're getting into. If they lie..when it gets serious, you don't even have a friend. You have an imposter. Don't walk.. Run

[@jimbob2525]

Couldn't men just find women that had more traditional values rather than someone who wanted to sleep around a lot? I mean, I just don't see someone with such a promiscuous past as a good investment in the future.

[@ZacharyStockill]

You are absolutely entitled to your standards. Nothing wrong with that.

[@Prof.ssaNapolitano]

Hi Zachary, I really appreciate your content. I've a question: in the last part of the video you talk about the situation where you meet your partner when he is dating other people. Did you make a video where you talk more specifically about this? If yes, can you link it. Thanks 🙏

[@ZacharyStockill]

Glad you're finding my work useful. I don't think I did... but I've made hundreds of these, so I can't be sure. Feel free to go through the blog posts at www.retroactivejealousy.com. Do you have specific questions relating to this topic?

[@Prof.ssaNapolitano]

The trouble is: I overthink if considering as a red flag dating other people and hide it, in the first months of a relationship. I feel cheated.

[@curlyfine907]

It's funny. My wife told me her number was 8 including a threesome with a married couple so her real number is probably closer to 25 bodies. And she's 4 years older. My number was a boring one. Just one. And she was jealous of that ex gf. To the point she confronted her in the store she worked and said we were a couple. My ex was an ex for a reason and even though my wife's number was much higher than mine she was jealous. Go figure. And she liked to remind me of her former partners but I put a stop to that

[@SyphonBeatz]

How did u assume her number is 25?

[@curlyfine907]

@@SyphonBeatz first, girls know their value drops when they hit double digits. They want to show they're good girls. I've read to take the number she gives you and multiply by three and that's probably more accurate. And included in the number were at least 3 guys she slept with once. So how do you forget about those episodes? That's why I think closer to 25. I could be wrong, but I'm not stupid either

[@SyphonBeatz]

@@curlyfine907 ur listening to to much of that red pill shit man 😂 if u got a good honest girl u ain’t gotta multiple nothing by 3

[@marekx2849]

@@curlyfine907 "they know their value drops when they hit double digits" bruh what

[@striveg3525]

@@SyphonBeatz Amen

[@RealistVision]

I feel you have sat on the fence too much on this topic. For example you are saying that as long as the woman does not sleep with men based on impulses this is not a red flag. What about if the girl is in her early 20's and has rationally chosen to sleep with 50+ men. I would view this as a red flag and if you are wanting a long-term relationship with her research articles also indicate this will likely be problematic. And the scary thing is due to dating apps and social media women can access sex like a amazon delivery order and i truly believe this has destroyed the dating landscape and turned men into easily replaceable commodities at the click/swipe on their phone.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Thanks for your comment. Blanket, simplistic, one-size-fits-all answers on this topic are usually not helpful. Humans are complicated, and so is this issue. But as I say endlessly, sometimes, indeed, walking away is the best move for both parties. Oh, and there are still a ton of remarkable women out there. Don’t buy into red pill pessimism on this topic.

[@RealistVision]

@ZacharyStockill I agree there are amazing women out there. However as mentioned due to dating apps and the abundance of attention they can access through social media this has impacted their views towards men. This combined with the woke movement and you go girl attitude has not helped either. I truly feel very bad for young men in the dating market at this stage in time. Surely you have noticed this on some level?

[@ZacharyStockill]

@@RealistVision Of course, but young men have their own issues. And thinking of "young men" as victims serves no one, especially not young men. Define what you want, take ownership, make the necessary adjustments. Period.

[@StockTraderClassLive]

Just curious if you can answer these, then your videos would have more substance. What happens with the world’s broken people, those who are led to believe something that’s not true? What’s the purpose does LTR serve in our current society? I won’t even ask about marriage or what keeps it together 😂! Also, how do biological children come in to your concept here? What kind of values are important ? How does promiscuity affect women’s emotions and time line of procreation. There are more simple questions like these… 😜 get started to understand what you are missing 😂!

[@ZacharyStockill]

Thanks for your comment, but these are extremely general questions which are just about impossible to answer. And if you don’t find my channel helpful, feel free to move along. No offense taken whatsoever.

[@StockTraderClassLive]

@@ZacharyStockill I have a trillionaire mindset, so for you it would be impossible to relate 😁 .

[@sophrosyne5900]

@@StockTraderClassLive You'd have to ask an emotionally intelligent promiscuous past mother that.

[@sophrosyne5900]

😅 Do men over 35 really care ? Can men answer what an absurdly high body count is? Body count was NEVER discussed before " red pill " content became popular about five years ago 😅 crazy .

[@ZacharyStockill]

@@sophrosyne5900 Thanks for your comment.

[@LiveToFly-Br]

I am 56. I had this problem with my first wife 30 year ago. I just didnt know this beast had a name (RJ). It was horrible. I was too shy to discuss the matter with anyone. At least we now know the name and how the process works.

[@grad_student]

Because women also started having extreme body counts