Serenity Now…

I like listening to Simon , I feel more empowered and less disabled.

Is there a hybrid between the 2 traumas? Someone can have repeated major traumas that have some characteristics of both.

Thank you for creating this supportive space - it’s a must-watch for any parent looking to better understand and connect with their child! 😊

Thank you so much for these videos. They have have been extremely helpful and inspiring.

Listening to leading experts on child-rearing, one learns that children's behaviors are often 'expressions of underlying needs' that they want to outwardly display. For example, excitement may manifest as jumping around to expend (excitable)energy, while (agitated) anger and upset might result in aggression, tantrums, or hitting. It's important to recognize that 'overwhelm and sensory overload' can occur in children who do not have autism as well. Although the extremeness of these typical behaviors in autism may not differ so greatly from those in neurotypical children, with autism we often see an outward extremeness in that display of emotions that can be overwhelming for both the parents and the child experiencing the intensity of that particular emotion. All children display intense emotions and have explosive reactions. The distinction lies in the expectation that neurotypical children will learn to regulate these outbursts, while for those with autism, the pathways for connection and communication differ. Similarly, teenagers, as expressive as many autistic children, sometimes struggle with regulating emotions in a manner deemed acceptable, often learning the consequences of their actions through challenging experiences. Dr. Gabor Maté suggests that suppressed behaviors in childhood can evolve into lifelong issues, potentially causing illness later in life. Autistic children, however, differ in that traditional discipline and control do not curb their behavior; they do not easily conform. Instead, what proves effective is providing close, loving support and firmly discouraging negative behaviors, a task that can be quite challenging for new parents accustomed to traditional parenting methods. Whether an autistic child is seeking to avoid sensory input or is in search of it, close monitoring is essential. In the hustle and bustle of life, parents often miss the cues that could help prevent certain behaviors from developing. It's important to remember that they may frequently be overstimulated or occasionally under-stimulated, this can often lead to some irritation and uncomfortable emotional sensations occurring. That can be attributed to a (un)stimulated environment, and they inevitably will seek out self-soothing (stimming) and calming (rocking) moments and familiar safe spaces to experience and alleviate any accumulated anxiety that's affecting them at that moment. They need to expend that energy to achieve a state of relaxation and calmness. It's important for all children, neurotypical and neurodivergent, regardless of gender, to have the freedom to openly express their feelings and to receive supportive guidance that helps them comprehend the emotions to the best of their (our) ability and the underlying reason behind any behaviors (as best as we can) as parents. Being autistic means connecting with a child more on an emotional level and not so much an intellectual one! An Autism Dad.

A new discussion? Amazing! These are such meaningful conversations. Thank you for sharing this!

He has such a kind, gracious demeanor.

Something I want to add, is that children with autism should not be exposed to any video games or shows that have any violent behavior at all. Because they get in their heads, so to speak. Children are impressionable and especially if they have autism. So pay attention to what your child is watching. Make sure they have good, well behaved friends. Even as an adult, pay attention to their influeces because it WILL impact them.

Thanks, I've been struggling to understand how I ended up with a diagnosis of complex trauma when I wasn't abused as a child. My childhood was traumatic, but only because I was separated from my mother as a baby and raised in an adoptive family feeling completely different and alone. With no frame of reference I felt broken/damaged/defective/worthless. I felt like an alien marooned on a cold, desolate planet with no hope of escape. It is a special kind of hell because it is invisible to everyone else. You become a chameleon to survive and try to swallow all the negative emotions, but eventually they become too strong to contain. Minor triggers cause intense, angry outbursts and everyone struggles to understand where the emotions came from. I'm just completing a diagnostic assessment for ASD and am ticking all the boxes, which is surreal as not long ago I would never have imagined that I could be on the spectrum. It turns out that things I assumed were perfectly normal, like my vocal stimming repertoire, are perceived as weird by other people, yet nobody ever said anything to me about it, including my family, wife and daughter! This video has really helped me to connect the dots and understand why complex trauma and autism share many symptoms. I assumed that my symptoms were either indicative of complex trauma or ASD, but I think the most obvious conclusion is that I have both.

Thank you!!!

Thank You!!!!

This interviewer's questions/prompts and responses were so long, this interview seemed to be more focused on the opinions of the interviewer and not honestly be holding space for Paul's direct experiences. I see this interviewing dynamic so often with domineering, attention-seeking, neurotypical interviewers. It was distracting and disappointing to see it here.

So happy that I was born in 1968 when spanking and slapping etc of children was already illegal here in Sweden. Also happy that none of my relatives feeled the need to be violent and didn't shout at me, if I misbehaved they just had a talk with me. As well as not been hurt or yelled at, I was never told to stand in the corner or got locked up in my room. The most effective way, I found out quite quickly, with the children I was a part of raising, was to set a standard of understanding and loving, and then it was enough to look at them sideways, or just turn silent, to make them burst into tears with shame. And then have a talk with them, explaining that I wasn't mad at them, hug them etc, showing love.

Brain spotting is a technique found to be beneficial for both AsD and TraUma❤

IM SCREAMING YES (autistic adult here) lol

Definitely. Thank you for sharing and discussing this topic.

Even the best intentions of family, neighbours, teachers etc., it's still abuse even if they weren't aware of it. Seriously, I got blamed for being bullied too! Sure they understood bullying is wrong, but apparently, I was 'inviting' it..... I was just a child trying to defend myself because I wasn't protected! Bullies weren't told to stop their behaviour and I don't remember ever anyone being punished. I was safe at home, bullies couldn't get there but still everything was your own responsibility. On the one hand, that makes you creative, responsible and mature but it also causes you to be poorly understood. And my boundaries weren't understood/respected a lot. And it was often like: 'don't be ridiculous, just try/do this'. That pushing sometimes lead me to be slower with things, like cycling. In The Netherlands cycling is a number one way to get around but it didn't come naturally to me because of motor issues. They kept pushing me while I was very, very uncomfortable trying to balance on just two wheels. I still keep feelings to myself usually and I have exploded from that a couple of times. Because if no one tries to understand why you're in distress, you don't address it any more and you're on your own trying to deal with it. It's very unhealthy and perhaps it's part of the reason why I'm exhausted a lot. As for food triggers, I had several as a child. Still don't like mushrooms because of the texture(who likes soft rubber, right?) but most others are gone because of a changed palate and because some foods are of much better quality these days. But I will not forgive that teacher at school camp berating me for having a meltdown over sloppy, watery, disgusting cucumber salad which I refused, but got it dumped on my plate anyway. He lectured me about hungry kids in Africa and that we have it tons better here so we shouldn't refuse or complain about food. Whatever his 'good intentions' were, it's still bloody gaslighting! In those days, cucumbers were mostly water, no flavour at all and any dish you put them in, would become slimy mushy slob what wasn't fit for anyone. He had no regard for my emotional condition and apparently had no interest in my needs. And the school was special education even (LOM-school for Dutchies). A school which in hindsight didn't suit my academic needs as everyone moved to practical education. I took a little detour and graduated VWO(school level which gives straight access to any university) 7 years later. But in those days there weren't any schools for smart kids with certain challenges. These days I occasionally buy organic cucumber for sandwiches or simple salads. They're much more firm and flavourful. I need taste and texture, I can't bear tasteless and sloppy. But I think what remains mostly is anxiety dealing with things I can't control, I can't stand being disturbed, sensory issues and I still feel misunderstood a lot. I feel I need more autonomy to control where I am, where I work and the kind of work I want to be doing. That last thing, I have a basic plan sorted and there is a department at our organisation I would like to get into and have a more predictable schedule that isn't subject to factors like work influx in and people available to do it. Because when your roster even changes on the day itself, it drains a lot of energy from me and I want to be in a position where I am in control of that. At least, I am now very much aware of the kind of emotional abuse many people are still being subjected to. You also see it in online behaviour a lot. And those that do it, often get it back from me because I know what they're about, I know what they do and I know how to put bullies in their place. It is basically also the current geopolitical situation on this planet: Democracy versus autocracy. Autocrats are the bullies, gaslighters who want to control you, push you and don't respect your boundaries. Democracy is the opposite: freedom with responsibility, unconditional respect, equality, equity and institutional social support.

I am a 80 y/o great grandmother who recently got emergency custody of my 10 year old great granddaughter who I have discovered has autism. She is high functioning in some areas but infantile in others. It is very challenging since there are two generations between us. We have good days and bad days, I am learning to back off and allow. She has tablet and an iPod which calms her down, so my go to now is to restrict these items to get cooperation.

I’m currently in my MSW program exploring attachment theory and this was such an appreciated resource with how limited the information and research we have available to us on autism and attachment theory!

For those looking for a neurodiversity affirming “discipline” method - Collaborate & Proactive Solutions, Dr. Ross Greene. - rostered psychotherapist/mom (who may also be neurodivergent) of an amazing autistic kiddo w/ a PDA profile

We already implement these in theory and practicum but how do you stop door slamming? At some point it is defiance that needs discipline. Cheers

Sorry that s great job I want my son to join how can that take place ? Big thank u.

My autistic trauma comes from childhood abuse and abusive narcissistic relationships, especially the last one I had which was 13yrs. I doubt I will trust anyone else again. I’m trying my best to heal with my therapist. I count myself lucky to have one and one that is also on the spectrum. Wishing you all health and that you find the support you want and need in you journey ❤💪💪

How can we teach more people to avoid traumatizing autistic kids? I volunteer at a hippo-therapy center, and the therapist rarely allows the kids to say no. Some of the kids get words mixed up and will say no when they mean yes and she'll still scold them for it. It's not hard to tell what they meant by their tone. But even when they really do mean no, she won't respect it. Almost every kid I've seen with her for longer than a year has had a meltdown at one point or another because she wasn't reading their cues, or wouldn't let them say no to an activity. She even started desensitizing a kid when the kid was already upset once. I tried to call her out on this once and she shouted at me, and stayed mad at me for weeks, AND blamed me for the parent's reaction too. I'm not a therapist, just a volunteer. So I don't think she'll listen to me.

To the point 👉 no essay brilliant 👍 ❤

Tony attwood is amazing X

Wow how fo focus with background triggers X

Thank you!!! Im finaly being heard

Be a drill sergeant when they're misbehaving but be the polar opposite when they are behaving it takes an extremely large spectrum of reactions and proactively to keep a child with autistic children in line

It was nice to see some content decidicated to discipline for autism. So much material out there on child disipline and almost nothing on discipline for autistic children. Most professional advice we have found basically says all autistic children are different, and the usual rules dont apply, but say nothing else on the matter, which is useless to a parent. Best advice i can offer to other parents? If in doubt (about whether this behaviour is them being a stubborn child vs autism) is always assume its autism and come at it from a gentler angle wirh more time and less shouting or firm words. And if its a siutation you literally can't take time or be gentle? (Say thry try to run into the road on the way to school), then you just have to endure it, both you and the child, have the meltdown and come out the other side, and address it later. (Parent of an autistic 5 year old who was non verbal till 4).

Omg . This is so me. Thank u. I dont feel so alone

What pressures do kids have in life? Lol

As an autistic adult who is pretty sure her dauter is autistic and struggling I really wanted to be able to make it through this video but I couldn't make it past more that the first 10 mins. Please stop sucking your teeth when you talk Andrew or turn down your mic sensitivity so it doesn't pick that up. 😓

I think he may have it backwards. Not all autistic individuals have anxiety.

I feel this one. It’s constant abuse. It’s the constant rejection. It’s being paid less than my peers, because of personality shortcomings, but doing better work because that’s how I compensate.

Looking back, I’m nearly 100% certain my little brother had autism. His “discipline” was getting punched and kicked. 😢

I’ve been stammering for the last two weeks from additional unrelenting stress during autistic burnout. If I could get others to throw expectations for me out the window, I would feel so much better. I can do nothing but survive right now.

"Just because you don't understand me, doesn't mean I'm wrong"

My case: growing up with what I believe was undiagnosed and unsuspected autism, in a household with a lot of chaos due to parents' turbulent marriage. Layer on a good dose of bad social experiences at school. Ability to cope ==> overwhelmed. I remember as a child having several years of chronic respiratory and GI problems. Result: major social anxiety and social avoidance which I've experienced since a teen. Only years later (fairly recently) did I connect all the dots. Greatly appreciate you sharing your experience!

Very touching and informative video. It’s so hard not to take my son’s behavior personal but I am going to use some of these suggestions and have faith things get better

I have a question 🙋‍♀️ my daughter has traits of being on the spectrum, ADHD she is very controlling/ this is how it’s presented. She has allll characteristics of PDA more then anything. Would love more information if anyone knows about this ! ❤

My son is six! He has autism ,I love him and he is so beautiful, but I'm broken and I can't cope!

If most of the signs we attribute to autism are trauma, what actually is autism at its core?

Excellent ❤

I do to

I think my baby may have autism or may develop autism. There are too many red flags with him. I am here to ensure he develops a secure attachment with me, just in case. 🥺💕💔

I emailed Prof. Green saying that i have a new model that would explain autism on neurological basis as the unanimous agreement among scientists that it is a neurological condition and we still do not have a neurological model. I explained that my model would indeed transform the life of autistic children and their families among so many other disabilities and conditions. I wanted to present my work at INSAR meeting in Melbourne May 2024. Sadly i did not get any reply. How can we transform anything if we do not even know what is autism? If anyone knows Prof.Green please let him know. I can present the work for him in Manchester.

👏 👏👏👏Couldn't agree more Love the "Loving coach approach " definitely best and effective route to go on🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Constructive criticism: the background noise is very distracting from this conversation