Positive Discipline For Autistic Children (Autism For Parents 12 - Jul/Aug 22)

Many parents struggle to find the right balance between acceptance and discipline with their autistic children. But these are in no way mutually exclusive and can actually support each other, as long as we find the right positive and conscious approach to discipline.
Autism for Parents is a series of conversations on aspects of bringing up an autistic child based on attachment parenting, with Guy Shahar and child development specialist, Andrew Shahan. This episode focuses on eating issues.
If you'd like Andrew Shahan to work with your family, please check out his website at - www.autismcoaching.org/
Find Out More About Transforming Autism at transformingautism.org/
This video also appears on the Heartful Healing channel at / heartfulhealing
Find Out More About Heartful Healing at: heartfulhealing.co.uk/ and about it's work with autism at heartfulhealing.co.uk/autism/

[@stephaniesilva5447]

I think we need to bring parenting or child psychology classes to high school and college. This is imperative knowledge for all who may one day be a parent!

[@dukereg]

They don't have a good answer to the key question of "what if you really need the child's compliance right now?", so they evade and give answers to a different question that applies to a different timeframe or scenario, not realising that lacking an answer to the original question is a deal-breaker in practice. Dealing with every incident in a way that gets the child to behave acceptably is the first priority. We can adapt or add emotional validation, observation, etc if we have that luxury, but it has to go with useful advice about actually correcting the behaviour. It's like someone is exhausted from working 2 jobs and doesn't have enough money and says in desperation "oh no, my bank account is empty, how am I going to pay rent?!?" and some helpful experts say "oh well we need to get out of the old 'do what's necessary to pay the bills' mindset and instead focus on an attitude of investment and financial responsibility. By putting asside $100 a week into a balance of housing investment and growth funds, we know that in the long term we're more likely to be able to pay the rent!" It's true in theory but in practice it's useless and lacks understanding and empathy for the person, because financial responsibility involves spending that $100 on the rent and any extra money on investments. You'd either tell them how to pay rent every week AND invest, or you'd admit they're in a pickle and you don't have a useful answer rather than talking to them like they're just not understanding the wisdom of investment.

[@markmcallan973]

My son is six! He has autism ,I love him and he is so beautiful, but I'm broken and I can't cope!

[@miketrevino6773]

Hugs, My nonverbal grandson is having public meltdowns....so heart breaking watching his father learning how to deal with this.

[@Chick4Biden2024]

OK, great! My 10 y.o. is having a hard time in school right now (throwing chairs, desks, trying to toss top of teacher's desk etc) and his IEP is this week. For his and other kid's safety, I took him out of class this week until the meeting. Call it intuition or whatnot, but punitive punishment is not done in our house but options/consequences. He has an fba we follow at home, and 90% of the time, he doesn't do the destructive behaviors he's exhibiting in school. His teacher is rigid and I think even at this point, I'm going to have to really insist at the meeting she follows proper aba/vb or referrer him out to a charter with staff who are. Thank you for reaffirming what I felt in my gut all along. I give him a verbal warning and let him decide if we're going to do a task at 5min or 10 min timer (for transition, think of gear shifting 😆) , he picks it thus he feels in control then afterwards I give him a reward he actually wants. I can get my sweetheart to do the tasks majority of the time. In those cases he doesn't, I give him a lot more space and will come back again later (hrs, or later on depending on factors). They're allowed to have bad days too! Suspending my ego and working WITH him has done wonders. ❤️

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@sarahwieland3243]

Okay, I can agree with taking that deep breath and acknowledging a child’s lack of desire to cooperate with a need from a parent until u basically gave absolutely no answer on those moments when a parent actually really does need a child to get up and cooperate in a moment. I’m sorry, but there r times when u cannot allow a child just to sit there and do nothing to participate and help. In logically thinking about what u r saying the child is the one always in control of every situation and it’s the parent that has to just deal with the outcome of whatever the child decides to do or not do at any given moment. Pls, correct me if I am wrong here, but this isn’t helping a parent in a critical situation at all.

[@TransformingAutismProject]

Thanks Sarah. That's not the message we were hoping to convey. Of course it's our role as parents to guide the child and provide a steer for their self-improvement (as long as we're sure we're not just trying to make them like others because we don't accept who they are in themselves). The point was, though, that once we have that underlying unconditional acceptance of them (which they will feel) and once we build a relationship with them based on genuine trust, then they will be much more open to the guidance that we provide. But we have to build that relationship first and perhaps choose our moments to work on any issues together. If we force our will on them or nag them impatiently, they will not feel any acceptance or trust and will be most likely to reject our guidance, however wise and helpful it might be. It's the idea that discipline isn't about imposing our will, but about creating that trust and promoting development together. And then, even in the most stressful moments, there's a way to reach them that doesn't make them feel assaulted. Maybe we should have been more explicit about that.

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@shelleywilliams8201]

If my grandson is in meltdown or destructive mode due to having a chore to do or cleaning up toys he got out. We leave it for awhile and come bk to it later. I have pretty much changed my whole life for my grandson. Whatever his needs are they come first. I have been a licensed support specialist for special needs children and adults & with addiction recovery. I think that has helped me understand my grandson more. Arguing with a child during a melt down or trying to force them to do something makes the situation much worse.

[@oyamawapiti]

@@TransformingAutismProject I did understand what you are saying in this video. I myself came up with the same idea. I mean i am a very intuitive person and can place my self at almost the same level as that child. Sometimes i can see the pain in their eyes. Really listening to a child and trying to understand their behavior is very important. I however do not have a child with autism but just started doing voluntary work at a farm where these kids can interact with animals, do chores and play and study..It's a great place to be!

[@aryanakurillo3536]

You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!

[@tarotqueen9118]

Thank you for posting this as a parent of a autistic 3 year old with adhd who has been having alot of melt downs lately and me feeling at a loss of what to do because he's turning 4 soon and already going through so many changes. I really needed to hear this today.

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@DjCreekboy]

I agree. My gf of 6 months has a 3 year old with these behaviors. And as a parent of 5 and 6 step kids. He sure has me on my wits end with how to go about disciplining him.

[@evanah-taningauchun9436]

It is such a blessing to watch this video. My goodness... You are so lucky that there is help support and love for the special children. I for one find this very very hard because I am a solo father of 4 children and 2 of them are autistic. Unfortunately, the mother of my children left our family for another man who can supply her with plenty of money. She left our family I think she is ashamed of the fact that 2 of our beautiful angels are autistic. I can only wish there was support or a special system for special children like my poor autistic boys. Is there a group of parents that I can reach out to for teachings and support in raising my autistic boys? watching this video brings tears to my eyes as a solo father caring for my children. I never thought I would ever speak in such a way of heartbreak.

[@chrisyt6996]

I’ve found a lot of support groups on social media.. they can be helpful especially if you find groups that are based in your area.. lots of information about home and in facility help..

[@sharmiladutta6321]

I am mother of a autistic adult whose father passed away year before last. Brother have patience. Ur time will change for good.

[@Ifyouonlyknew22673]

I understand you dad I’m a single mom and I cry almost every day

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@inthesecretplace-theholine7788]

Thank you for the wonderful advice 💝🌷

[@Kyantanae]

I just want to thank god for this message, I have been struggling so much. I will work daily to apply this with my babygirl. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@SahnieBaDd]

Very touching and informative video. It’s so hard not to take my son’s behavior personal but I am going to use some of these suggestions and have faith things get better

[@JonahGilmore]

Very helpful, thank you

[@kerbeare]

I found putting containers and boxes without lids in different parts of the room where they make messes helps to throw things in. Sometimes they miss but get close. Easy for you to pick up too and keep things some what tidy. I keep like items together in a group and limit the amount so not to cause over stimulating.

[@tainarimorales1361]

👏 👏👏👏Couldn't agree more Love the "Loving coach approach " definitely best and effective route to go on🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@Flyingtaco82]

Looking back, I’m nearly 100% certain my little brother had autism. His “discipline” was getting punched and kicked. 😢

[@rlucero]

Its really tough mentally and emotionally when all I want to do is love and care for my son but 90% of the time he refuses to get along with me

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@simplyinspired4038]

If he “refuses” to get along with you then you should start by focusing on the first part of the video when they say you have to look at yourself and stay calm when your child is in a escalated situation.

[@bonniebundle6692]

I agree but how do you do this coaching in chaos

[@marielaavila9182]

Thank you for this videos! As a mother of an autistic 6 year old whom is non verbal, communication and speech is difficult. So asking him questions is simply not an option. Do you have any tips on how to discipline or help him understand what is not acceptable? Thank you.

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@Kyantanae]

What about any daily activities for autistic children?

[@kazinusaiba4683]

Hi! Hope all of you are doing well, how can I make reading fun for my sister?And she also gets distracted by her surroundings when reading. Any tips?

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@nuportmusic6373]

I was told to take my child to a normal school .. but it's now five years paying fees but he seems not to be learning any thing.. what can I do.. please I need help?

[@jessicacollins2948]

Someone help! I got my 31 year old high functioning autistic sister and she has issues following direction with showers keeping on task with her small chores and she understands how chores work and reward systems also work is it okay to take screens and electronics away? Idk what to do!

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@stevenpeppers1502]

Give some discipline ways ?

[@tonyapalmer2224]

My toddler, who is turning three in February, is spitting, hitting, pinching, and scratching. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried ignoring the behavior because I see that she is looking for a reaction. She’s smiling when she does it. Any ideas? Please help!

[@khadijaissa7866]

Does she go to ABA?

[@tarotqueen9118]

Have you tried calming her down by applying pressure on her arms shoulders. Helps my toddler when he's having a melt down. He also loves numbers letters so I'll start counting or singing the alphabet. When all else fails you have to just get them into the car or in there room at home and wait for the storm to clear. I find yelling just makes it worse and having an autistic kid you just have get them somewhere safe and wait it out. It sucks but you can only do your best! Hang in there mama. My son is starting aba soon and I'm hoping we both learn new coping skills.

[@tonyapalmer2224]

@@khadijaissa7866 she has services now. Her behavior has also improved since I posted.

[@tonyapalmer2224]

@@tarotqueen9118 I did those things, but I believe what helped is me being more present. I think it was causing her anxiety with my full time school schedule. I dropped to part time and I have more time now. Her behavior has improved.

[@bolinhong2598]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa

[@stevenpeppers1502]

Don’t explane the whole treaty !

[@anthonyvelez2722]

What pressures do kids have in life? Lol

[@kristymoran1608]

As an autistic adult who is pretty sure her dauter is autistic and struggling I really wanted to be able to make it through this video but I couldn't make it past more that the first 10 mins. Please stop sucking your teeth when you talk Andrew or turn down your mic sensitivity so it doesn't pick that up. 😓